Preposterous Tutorials

A light hearted look at the pitfalls that confront a potential writer.
Then again, it’s not all that it appears to be...the sense of humour is there to protect the author from any re-percussions concerning his advice...a bolt hole. And why not, it makes for a good read anyway.
At the same time, it contains some very good explanations, not to be taken with a pinch of salt.
Underneath it all, it delves into the complexities of punctuation and a host of other things that the writer needs to enhance the chances of getting published.
I think Charles has done an excellent job in producing this and many will benefit from reading it.
Happy to star rate it.

Kind regards,

Neville.

Charles, I think you protesteth too much - I am up to tutorial 4 and detect a professional pulling their punches or, you're sending us all up.

I've been on this site five days and am appalled, yes I'll say it out loud, at the standard of writing put up for scrutiny. And PLEASE!!!! do not start me on subject matter - if I see another script on vampires, the supernatural or the destruction of the world (have they never read John Wyndham?) I may have an episode. Don't they know people are trying to read this stuff?

You have the makings of a wonderful book here. Be brave and write it. HC's competitors will love it. I'm going to back the book to give it a much needed boost.

All the best,

T. L. Bartush

PREPOSTEROUS TUTORIALS
Ohhhh Charles, I love you. This is so useful.

I am no expert when it comes to grammar. In fact I just purchased Grammar for Dummies just to see if I can really understand the subject. I have a respectable higher education and my eyes still glaze over when attempting to diagram sentences. Horrors indeed.

It is plain to see that I still have not mastered the apostrophe enigma. The bit about the BIG NO NOs of writing fiction tells me, and shows me, what I have long practiced myself. What I get from this is that if I can read it aloud and believe that it sounds right, then it probably is. For anyone who is a passionate reader this just comes as a benefit of indulging in that pleasure. It may be like playing a song on the piano memorizing the notes and then improvising.

I thank you kindly for taking the time to provide assistance. Often this sort of mentoring gives many of us the boost we need to keep going. The gods know that we need it. You know it so therefore, you must be one of them. Feels kinda nice to back a god.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

Dear Charles,
Thank you for your reflections. They've given me a huge boost of confidence. Your charming, humble tutorials cleared up a numberof my questions. For instance, I've been looking for a definition of literary ficiton for years. I always thought it one of those books I had to reread to understand. I knew, too, that the really great authors switched POV. That is what made their stories so compelling, but dare I be so brazen? Sometimes, too, Charles, even telling and info dumping are neessary. Otherwise, you need six pages of dialogue to propel the story forward an inch. I'm relieved to find that a few lines of telling are acceptable. Also, I love the rare transgressions: a sentence starting with a But or an And, and a sentence that isn't a sentence. You have a gift of explaining the 'rules.' I make and will continue to make errors--I hope they're not too offensive. And if I listen to everyone's suggestions, the story wouldn't be mine. Thank you.
Caroline/KC Hart
Summer Rose

I like this, quite a lot. I haven't read it all proper yet, though, like. (joke...)

Surely if people need basic lessons in grammar, punctuation, etc, then they are not ready to write a novel in the first place, hmm?? I reckon you can either write or you can't, and no amount of nightclasses, writers' workshops, forums, etc will enable you to do so if it's just not there. I used to have some chapters of my most recently finished novel on here, but some of the comments were so daft I took it off. Like T.L. Bartush, I am appalled by the standard of writing put up for scrutiny on here. A couple of people said they liked it but were not sure into which 'genre' it would fit. I am sure this is a subject which perplexed Jacko K when he wrote the first 'road' novel, too. If indeed it was the first; I dunno!!

By the way, if you give me some stars or ticks or something, and put me on your 'in crowd' list, I will do the same for you. Tee hee.

I like this, quite a lot. I haven't read it all proper yet, though, like. (joke...)

Surely if people need basic lessons in grammar, punctuation, etc, then they are not ready to write a novel in the first place, hmm?? I reckon you can either write or you can't, and no amount of nightclasses, writers' workshops, forums, etc will enable you to do so if it's just not there. I used to have some chapters of my most recently finished novel on here, but some of the comments were so daft I took it off. Like T.L. Bartush, I am appalled by the standard of writing put up for scrutiny on here. A couple of people said they liked it but were not sure into which 'genre' it would fit. I am sure this is a subject which perplexed Jacko K when he wrote the first 'road' novel, too. If indeed it was the first; I dunno!!

By the way, if you give me some stars or ticks or something, and put me on your 'in crowd' list, I will do the same for you. Tee hee.

A light hearted look at the pitfalls that confront a potential writer.
Then again, it’s not all that it appears to be...the sense of humour is there to protect the author from any re-percussions concerning his advice...a bolt hole. And why not, it makes for a good read anyway.
At the same time, it contains some very good explanations, not to be taken with a pinch of salt.
Underneath it all, it delves into the complexities of punctuation and a host of other things that the writer needs to enhance the chances of getting published.
I think Charles has done an excellent job in producing this and many will benefit from reading it.
Happy to star rate it.

Kind regards,

Neville.

Charles, thank you ever so much for these. I am new to writing, as you might (or might not) remember from our previous interaction in the forum of some time ago. I have just read all 12 tutorials and I can't tell you the confidence that I feel again in my writing - as you can imagine, most of the subjects you have covered here are buzzing around my head (have been since I joined here and heard about them all).

I've lost a lot of confidence of late, simply because many of these things you cover here have been 'thrown' at me in several of the crits I have received, thus throwing me off balance. You explain them well, and I feel I understand things better now, thank you, Charles.

You made no mention, however, of another of my common 'crimes'..........'past' and 'passed' :-)

Kind regards to you.

Danny.

The DEAD Bloc.

Thank you. This is exactly what I need to read and think about right now. And I also enjoyed the short story. I'm an easy target, but you struck tears in two places.

Charles-
Thank you first of all for your awesome responses on the forums. They are a breath of fresh, logical air in the midst of craziness from frantic Authonomites. ;)

Secondly, thank you for this "primer" for authors. I definitely agree that the author must write for the reader! (Not for other authors!) And authors should be readers. Not just writers. (Though it is hard for me to conceive of a world where the two don't go hand-in-hand...) I have read my entire story out loud to my sister. It took about six hours and I ended up with no voice. But it was worth it to see all of the misplaced words, awkward phrasing, etc.

I'm very pleased that you've stuck with Authonomy all this time. It's good for a newbie like me to see this. :)

-Melissa
Author of "The Seventh Blessing"

:D

There are plenty of useful thoughts here.

I agree with the thrust of many of your arguments that story and immersiveness trump strict "rules" on writing.

I also enjoyed your simple yet effective treatment of the he/she/who-him/her/whom conundrum.

I think you should consider writing up your thoughts on writing in book form. Many writers would find your speculation useful. And even if the book wasn't published, I suspect you would find the process interesting and useful.

All the best. :)

Pete

I truly enjoyed every word of your tutorials. And I liked the "apostrophe's" in the final excerpt. You wrote me over a month ago when I first arrived on this site and directed me to the forum, which I did not visit, but now I will. This is really helpful stuff, Charlie. It's well-written in that it speaks to everyman.

I kept reading - and I like Injustice very much. My computer slowed down in the middle and I was quite impatient to get it going again so that I could finish. A lovely story. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.

Back to the tutorials - well worth publishing in some form to reach other writers out there - I, for one, would certainly buy a copy and encourage others to do so.

Again, thanks.

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

Charles, I think you protesteth too much - I am up to tutorial 4 and detect a professional pulling their punches or, you're sending us all up.

I've been on this site five days and am appalled, yes I'll say it out loud, at the standard of writing put up for scrutiny. And PLEASE!!!! do not start me on subject matter - if I see another script on vampires, the supernatural or the destruction of the world (have they never read John Wyndham?) I may have an episode. Don't they know people are trying to read this stuff?

You have the makings of a wonderful book here. Be brave and write it. HC's competitors will love it. I'm going to back the book to give it a much needed boost.

All the best,

T. L. Bartush

Hi Charles,
You are a bit tough on creative writing classes and night school teachers. Unlikely that everything they teach is wrong!

I was happy to read about the POV dilemna. Several people have told me that my book is confusing because I have more than one character who is important and whose words and thoughts are worthy. I've put the MC's thoughts into italics and in 1st person to help differentiate. But I can't give up on my other characters. I am standing firm on keeping them in the mix. I was happy to read your opinion on this issue.

You have a nicely done book that is of help to writers. Thank you!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

That's cheating, which rather kills my interest in what might have been an interesting pitch. Redline: "You can safely ignore chapter two: it is just one of my short stories, here to bring the word count up."

PREPOSTEROUS TUTORIALS

Charles - Reading and Commenting on this captivating guidebook on english language usage, completes my response to your superbly written and compelling trilogy. With these 12 revealing Contributions, you have created a series of essential bridges, designed with the science of language and its structure, as an essential means to traversing the landscape of crevasses and chasms that yawn beneath the tread of the grammar-deficient among us. It is an essential vade mecum, without which, no writer should set out to scale the slippery gradients and pitfalls of written expression in order to achieve the pinnacle of correct structure of language. We are in your debt, not least for the clarity of your tutorials but for the generosity of spirit, patent humility and depth of vision together with the breath of scholarship animating the scope of your explanations. This work is exemplary. Indeed, I would go as far as classifying it as a Master Class. Backed and Watchlisted.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Hi Charles
As I expected from someone who CAN really write, these 'tutorials' are immensely useful, not only to those of us who have just embarked upon this great journey, but also as a reminedr for seasoned authors as well. Extremely practical, no-nonsense advice which gets to the nitty-gritty of all writing...thank you so much
Stewart

I enjoyed every line of the Tutorials. Brilliantly styled, clever, ironic and useful for aficionados like me piece of writing. It is a pity it went down in ranking last few weeks.

Peter G

Sorry for delay in commenting, Charles. I'm in the middle of destroying two houses at the moment. I think the Tutorials are great. I read a few of them as they were initially uploaded and wondered at the task you had set yourself. I have to say that not only are they amusing but do highlight serious issues that many of us (from reading the other comments) untutored would be authors find bewildering. I had never come across 'show' or 'tell', nor many of the other rules we are apparently required to follow. I prefer this common sense approach. My own take on 'none' is that it is short for no-one. I hope you will add to the collection. It's a pity HC won't add the Tutorials to the FAQ's.
Best wishes, Scott.

Hullo Charles. would love to have a small size copy of your 'Tutorials' to correct myself with regularly. One thing, could you please explain the difference in spelling between for example 'behavior' and 'behaviour'.
Love your family. Aren't mother-in-laws' almost all the same? Please share with me your professional comment.

Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

PREPOSTEROUS TUTORIALS
Ohhhh Charles, I love you. This is so useful.

I am no expert when it comes to grammar. In fact I just purchased Grammar for Dummies just to see if I can really understand the subject. I have a respectable higher education and my eyes still glaze over when attempting to diagram sentences. Horrors indeed.

It is plain to see that I still have not mastered the apostrophe enigma. The bit about the BIG NO NOs of writing fiction tells me, and shows me, what I have long practiced myself. What I get from this is that if I can read it aloud and believe that it sounds right, then it probably is. For anyone who is a passionate reader this just comes as a benefit of indulging in that pleasure. It may be like playing a song on the piano memorizing the notes and then improvising.

I thank you kindly for taking the time to provide assistance. Often this sort of mentoring gives many of us the boost we need to keep going. The gods know that we need it. You know it so therefore, you must be one of them. Feels kinda nice to back a god.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

Like both the tutorials and the story. Putting this on my shelf.

I think this is a well thought book. And it was nice of you to share it with us. Backed

really good advice, thanks for posting it up, backed to bring it to others attention as well, who don't frequent the forums

To be honest, I think this is a charming and very helpful piece of work. I know you consider it to be a joke(ish) posting, but i do think what you write about is very valid and eminently helpful. Particularly, in relations to 'night school teachers'. This is probably more important piece of work than you realise for the average Authomite.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Dear Charles,
Thank you for your reflections. They've given me a huge boost of confidence. Your charming, humble tutorials cleared up a numberof my questions. For instance, I've been looking for a definition of literary ficiton for years. I always thought it one of those books I had to reread to understand. I knew, too, that the really great authors switched POV. That is what made their stories so compelling, but dare I be so brazen? Sometimes, too, Charles, even telling and info dumping are neessary. Otherwise, you need six pages of dialogue to propel the story forward an inch. I'm relieved to find that a few lines of telling are acceptable. Also, I love the rare transgressions: a sentence starting with a But or an And, and a sentence that isn't a sentence. You have a gift of explaining the 'rules.' I make and will continue to make errors--I hope they're not too offensive. And if I listen to everyone's suggestions, the story wouldn't be mine. Thank you.
Caroline/KC Hart
Summer Rose

Amusing and useful. Not having really been on the forum much, I never spotted these. The night school teachers jibes are probably deserved. I like the informal tone of this, too. Backed.
Luk7 Pixelated

Backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles.

I think what you actually teach is very good. There is wisdom and hard practical advice - and I appreciate both. But your opening paragraphs are awful, quite off-putting and the lay-out as a whole is unattractive. Why is the cover so misleading and inappropriate? If I'd started with a piece of the advice, I'd probably buy the book. I'm not sure whether to back it or not. Probably i will.
Rosalind
Good For Him
(no doubt full of the things you warn of)

This is amusing even if brief. This would be suitable to market in a magazine, either in its entirety or as a series of articles. I was particularly pleased by the bit about research, because I'm currently working on a story that is requiring me to do quite a bit of it.

Backed.

Where was this book when I first started and what a great idea. Everyone here should be required to read this! BACKED 100% and thank you for writing this gem!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Charles,
having read and appreciated many of these on the forums, it seems only fair that I put this on my shelf right now. Cheers, Simon

Charles the Wise, I'm entirely with you on that literary stuff. I'd back you on that alone, but there is so much more here.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

I find the book charming. The style of writing is not ego driven. It reads like a discussion of writing. Well done.

yes, we Authonomites needed this!

JC
The Obergemau Key

You shouldn't be allowed to post a book on here until you've read this one. Charles for Prime Minister.

Dear Charles, I love your short story/happily ever after - even better than the tutorials. :) You did well in preparing me to read your book by your recap before your story began. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "reading/commenting/backing" your book to help it move up on the charts (sending a message doesn't move your book up, but only "comment/backing"). Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "comment/back" my 2 memoir books to help them move up? "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end of the last chapter tells my illness now & my 6th abusive marriage I'm in. Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

Yay, Charles! This should be compulsory reading for all would-be writers.

What fun. Reminds me of the way Asimov wrote assorted fun science stuff for the layman. Thanks for 'whom,' finally. Still in the dark as to the meaning of 'authorial interjection.' Glad to see some leeway on POV. However; I wonder how much of my continuing adult education stems from the many thousands of tibits I've run across in unnecessary sentences containing information like Dickens being a former court reporter.
Number 12 was the most fun so far; lots of 'what ifs' to imagine in that one.
That's as far as I got this reading. Looking forward to the next chapter which I will surely read.

Charles,
How could I not back this? I've already read, and benefited from, every one of your tutorials in the forum. Thanks so much for putting them all in one place!
-Libby

This is the only book on the site I have read in full having followed all your threads on the subject in the forum. In fact every day I have looked for a new thread, what a great idea. What more can I say Charles, the book is a gem.

D

Charles

Preposterous Tutorials - Reading for enjoyment, ah, yes, we want passionate readers. You're a man on a mission, with a lovely sense of humour. Your addictive voice of soothing sanity takes the how -to-write-a-successful-novel courses down a peg. I'm glad I never attended such courses, one, on poetry, scared me off. I would love more of your tutorials ...

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is an interesting read as well as a good review of common sense advice about writing. I don’t read the forums that much and after reading this, guess I’m missing a lot. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I know each of these tutorials from the forum and found them enlightening and entertaining but reading them together as a continuous offering, they're brilliant! I've enjoyed - and backed - your short stories but, seriously, I think you have a real penchant for such writing: your style suits the subject beautifully and gets across the points under investigation in a lucid, charming and wholly readable way. I know you've not put them up to pursue the Ed's desk etc. but I truly think your writing metier may well be in penning such non-fiction works: I can also 'hear' you as entertaining diarist too! Shelved, because I think it deserves it - and I look forward to reading other musings, a la Charles! Carolyn.

Charles,

If I had hard copy it would sit between my 'Fowlers' and my 'Penguin's Writer's Manual': more readable than either and a pedant's delight (though I may not agree with you on each and every issue).

And how does Chapter 2 fit it anyway?
A zoomer- a boomer with zip
Going Out in Style

This text is really important to me. Writers are reading our writing as writers not readers. This is good to remember.

I wonder what you think of #3 tutorial- the narrator /author introjections with the feedback HC gave your novel.

#7 Literary Fiction is very important to me. It is not only story but the story must be there. I want many layers so it has to work on each. I wonder what you might think of my writing?

#11 I just heard Ian McEwan speak about his new book Solar. He gave a draft of the book to an aging Nobel prize winner for science, who re-jigged the mistakes.

LOVE THIS BOOK. Maybe you could gift it to each person who comes on the site?
a zoomer

This text is really important to me. Writers are reading our writing as writers not readers. This is good to remember.

I wonder what you think of #3 tutorial- the narrator /author introjections with the feedback HC gave your novel.

#7 Literary Fiction is very important to me. It is not only story but the story must be there. I want many layers so it has to work on each. I wonder what you might think of my writing?

#11 I just heard Ian McEwan speak about his new book Solar. He gave a draft of the book to an aging Nobel prize winner for science, who re-jigged the mistakes.

LOVE THIS BOOK. Maybe you could gift it to each person who comes on the site?
a zoomer

Thank you, Charles. Backed.

Well reasoned. palatable advice on writing should always be supported. This could serve as a worthy companion to Strunk and White's The Elements of Style--Bill

Charles, you always go above and beyond! -Barb

Well this is going on my shelf.

Hell yeah!

Thanks for posting this, C. Utley.