Gifted

An immediately arresting story with a panic behind the words of the narrator that is somehow infectious. Her fear reaches out beyond the language.

It is a wonderfully descriptive skill to be able to engage reader with such concise and yet multi faceted writing.

BACKED

The title says it all GIFTED you are such a gifted writer this is a masterpiece...Everything about it is amazing...Right from the start we are drawn in an enamored with your MC"S...your premise and storyline is similar yet unique, a twist on the normal perceptions of ESP and the like and then you throw in not 1 but 2 love stories.....One sweet and innocent and one we all dream of finding our soulmate,our one true love, the one we can completely trust and be ourselves with.

I couldn't put this down not even to make dinner, I heated leftovers....Your descriptive writing is captivating both visually and emotionally....This would make a heck of a blockbuster movie....DID I SAY I LOVED THIS Backed 1000 percent and I can't believe this has not been published but IT WILL BE Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

I'm hooked. I can't stop reading (and I should, because I'm at work!)
Your descriptive narrative is very vivid, the dialogue is refreshingly natural, and Lucy is a very likeable character. Her "gift" is intriguing, an unusual twist on the psychic theme, and I'm keen to learn more about her past and how this move to Duruga will shape her future.
This is going to be huge, I'm sure of it. Backed with pleasure

Gail
NEW BEGINNINGS

Hi, fellow Sydney sider! I live in Bronte... :)
This is a vivid and immediately engaging story that places the reader firmly within the book. A terrific example of first person writing and showing not telling. Although the premise is a used one, your slant on the topic - and use of your empathic - holds the read through great writing and plot development. This is a highly believable world with an MC that animates just like every ordinary person would. The fact Lucy has an extraordinary gift only adds to the credibility (don't all of us wish we had a supermatural talent?) Lol!

I enjoyed the read, the flow and the cadence. Tight and with just the right amount of tension in the right places.

Instantly backed.
Andrew
Dark Disciple.

I can see why this novel is rising so rapidly. it had great temsion and good description. Well written with a fast pace. Happy to back.

Anthony
Aqua Omega

Yatta! You've been ambushed by the Crit Ninja!

http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/88310/crit-ninja-/

I really enjoyed what I read (seven or so chapters). Your voice is perfect for young adult and is easy to read without being too simple. It's an intriguing concept and you carry it off in a subtle and believable way.

I'm not a huge fan of POV/tense shifts, and so the shift from first person present tense, to second person, and then back to first, but past tense, grated with me a bit. I think if you're going to do this, there needs to be a real reason for it. The second chapter worked in the sense of putting the reader right into a scary and emotional situation, but from the first to the third chapter didn't seem to serve a purpose.

I felt that the first chapter, as is often the case, was the most polished but was perhaps a bit too crafted in comparison with the rest of the chapters. But this might change as you go through and polish for publication (I see you are now agented - congratulations!). I'd watch for starting too many sentences/paragraphs with "I".

At the end of chapter five, I was a little uncomfortable with Lucy thinking about "all that had transpired" given that it was just a scream. Significant, sure, but only one event.

Excellent work, and I hope your agent manages to secure a contract for you. Good luck!
Highly starred and WL'd for backing when I do my next cycle.

If the rest of your book is as good as the first three chapters, and I suspect it will be, you are onto a winner. I have an enormous number of reads to do so can't give you a lot more time at present but I promise to come back and do a more thorough job later. Those first chapters will ensure readers. If I picked this up in a bookshop, I would buy it immediately. Will back it asap. Fontaine.

Still love your book hon!! It's back on my shelve!
Good luck!
Alret
xxxxx

Hi I A. Magaleigue
Book-- Gifted--

You write this book with a great sense of feeling, that's emerges from the pages as one move along.
The pitch is so well written that one can feel the mystery that's about to unravel.
and this continues on throughout the prologue.
The atmospheric feeling that you portray about the sleepy town outside Sydney is well done; creates a lovely
picture in the minds eye.
The build up to her meeting with Heath is slow and makes for a good mysterious read.
One gets the feeling that there are interesting chapters to follow.;
I intend to read some of these later to enter into the realm of the paranormal

tom Bye
from hugs to kisses.
will ask my son in Sydney to read this, in the meantime oblige and read some of mine thanks

This is a beautiful, spellbinding story. The sense of atmosphere is there right from the start. An exceptional piece of storytelling that I'm looking forward to reading in more detail.

Backed with pleasure, very best of luck.

Jack

This was "on-the-go" right from the "get-go". :o) I have read only the first three chapters but plan to come back for more. Full of tension and very unpredictable which is great for this genre.
Blessings,
Laura A. Diaz
"Come What May"

I think this has potential, but I do wonder at the constant changes of viewpoint - albeit from the same character. First it's 'I', then you, past then present and so on, although I didn't read further than chapter 3 because that made me already lose patience. I think there is a fabulous story here, but it's disjointed, no continuity. But I'm backing it simply because the subject is right up my street, and I hope you will improve the style and make the atmosphere and character stand out for what they are, mesmirising, but somehow lost in your poetic indulgence. All the best, Sarah

Hi IA, rebacking your book... on my WL again, for what its worth. And will place on shelf here in a couple of days.
:-)
blessings,
jim

The prologue is haunting, and excellent for setting up the hooks that made me continue to read to find out who 'he' was, and what had led to that place.

I think the voice will appeal to your target audience as will the setting and subject. I don't really have much to say that's negative about this. I'm on chapter three and still going.
Cariad
STONES.

rocket, sinks, jams — Verbs have always been the key to an author's ability to transcend the reality into a realm of the book. So laden with images and so skillfully the author has chosen just the right number and quality of words, I am moved and woven into the drama. One of the best I have read here. My compliments. Sorry it took me so long to find you.

I started reading your book and immediately perked up. Your writing is very polished and your story worthy of being published. It is certainly as well written as any books I've read. I wish you great success in getting published. Okay, I'm on chapter 11, so let me get back to it.
Sandra Davidson - Cold Moon Rising - now a Kindle book with a new title BORROWED TROUBLE

I could not resist your pitch. What an original and intriguing premise. The prologue hooked me. It’s very easy to read, too… fluid. I read the first chapter. I was begging Lucy to ease off the accelerator. Then chapter two… looking forward to sampling some dialogue. It’s a short chapter, mostly introducing the reader to Lucy’s new home (get-away) Duruga. Sounds like a place I’d want to someday visit. The little bit of dialogue I encountered there feels perfectly natural. I read chapter three, another very short chapter. I’m convinced at this point that I’d buy this book. I love the writing, and I love the story.

Backed with giddy pleasure…
Rodney
The Father

Beautifully written... you captured my imagination right from the start. I've only managed a few chapters for now, but I'll be back!
Backed, with pleasure.
Best wishes
Suzy (Raven)

Engaging from the start...the atmosphere is carefully built up as you take the reader on a rollercoaster ride with a sudden twist at the end...very well done!
Cheers
Stewart

I felt the anticipation building in me as I read the first chapter. You have a wonderful way with words, and a natural flair for writing. This book should do very well. Your pitch is great and left me hungering for more - as should any great novel. I hvae backed it with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

I felt the anticipation building in me as I read the first chapter. You have a wonderful way with words, and a natural flair for writing. This book should do very well. Your pitch is great and left me hungering for more - as should any great novel. I hvae backed it with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Wow, beautiful writing! You definitely have style and after reading four chapters, which by the way was nearly impossible to stop at, I can tell that this is going to make it into print soon. You should put literary as one of your genres because this flows beautifully like a literary piece. Backed.

Lacey

Hi I.A., A hypnotic style, descriptive and in a way that reflects Lucy's emotions and what she senses with the man on the road. Duruga too is told in a drowsy, pleasant way. The synopsis indicating Lucy's sensory gifts sounds intriguing since in such a place, she would be able to zone in. Easy to get involved with this and easily shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Dear I.A. Mazaleigue,

You have something special here, Ingrid. Gifted, indeed. With your very first words, I became emotionally engaged.

Backed and best.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

I came back and read more of this. You are a damn good writer. It's tough to critique something so professional because everything just seems and feels so right about what you're doing. Having owned a bookstore, I've read thousands of books; therefore, when I read something amateurish, the errors and weaknesses pop out at me immediately. That doesn't happen with your work. This is as well done as many published work. If this manuscript isn't finished, please do so and get it off to a publisher! Original idea, crafty structure and polished prose. Thanks for the read!

J. Moore
Vigilante

Original idea and told with emotion. Keep up the good work. Backed.

One quick tip: In the prologue, the sentence that ends with "in the end" should actually begin with that phrase.

Gifted is riveting from the first chapter due to the author's exquisite descriptions of her protagonist's experiences. Lucy's special abilities are simply described as empathy, but hers goes beyond what is considered normal. The reader is swept away on an emotional adventure. Backed with pleasure.

An immediately arresting story with a panic behind the words of the narrator that is somehow infectious. Her fear reaches out beyond the language.

It is a wonderfully descriptive skill to be able to engage reader with such concise and yet multi faceted writing.

BACKED

Ingrid,

I read three chapters of this and thoroughly enjoyed it. Great voice, good pace and a nice balance of narrative, action and dialogue. Nice to see another Aussie work too.

Little by way of constructive criticism, just a couple of minor things:

--in the opening para of chapter 1 I wondered whether 'ominous' wasn't overkill;and

--in chapter three I wondered whether Central Coast shouldn't be capitalised.


But, this is very solid writing and I'm happy to support it.

Backed

Dear I.A.
this is a book that cannot be put down once gotten into. Love the book cover and the long pitch .
you have created here a totally unique storyline with the element of a different esp for sure. you have taken me to the emotions in the book, and I feel them this is true talent I.A. i wish i had this talent. CONGRATS. I have already backed this book so i wont go on , however i cannot see the backing, and as they dont show a second time i feel ok with backing this again, just to make sure, and it is WORTH IT
so
the VERY best of luck
If you have not already , please comment on my book and BACK it if not that is OK also
Denise
The Letter

A gripping story with fascinating characters. Wonderful imagery. Sparkling dialogue. Backed.

I have read chapters 1, 17 and 26. Your narrator has a distinctive voice, and is believable in her hesitations and lack of confidence. The set up is particularly intriguing: the narrator's feelings going beyond empathy, and searching into another's emotions. Your dialogue is realistic, as is the narrator's response to conversation. This is an interesting book. Ben

This is a great first chapter. You give nothing away, yet we are left with the feeling that she would rather die than feel the things she feels, which tells us that she is troubled. I look forward to reading more and to getting to now your MC.
Backed with pleasure.

I must say first that I think your writing is fabulous. I've only read the first there chapters, but I am interested to see where this goes. You have captured Lucy's abilities very vividly.Best of luck!

Hi Ingrid

Great concept. I liked the opening with the car on the road and your descriptions of Lucy's gift in action and the cut then to step back and take in the description of Durunga modulates the pace and rhythm well. You know what you're doing and I would be happy to go along for the ride. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Hi,
Great atmosphere and mystery in the descriptions here, well built up without being over-written. The confrontation in the last posted chapter is gripping. Well done!
Lucy

Hi Ingrid,

At your request I have complied my thoughts about your opening chapter. I don't know enough about the technicalities of writing to comment on those, so I'll stick to the story.

You say that it is a dark night on a rural, unlit, road and there is a fog, yet you describe much of what you can see around the car as It speeds down the hill.

You also say you can see a line of trees ahead, yet it's not until the last minute that you see a man who is standing between you and the trees.

I understand the dramatic scene that you are going for, but don't overdo it, you risk turning a good scene into a cliched scene from a poor movie.

Also, your book centers around feelings and emotions. Your main character feels those of the people around her, and also has to contend with her own. I think you should think more about how people feel.

Lucy is driving too fast in bad conditions and almost knocks someone down. Surely he would be angry, but also frightened, having almost just been killed. His adrenaline would be high, he might be shaking.

You tell us that he is curious and menacing, but in the next sentence this has turned to fury, and a few paragraphs on this has quickly turned to pity and concern.

With regard to all of the emotions flying around, you tell a lot and don't show. I read a great quote in a magazine which helped me to understand the whole telling not showing thing.

"Don't tell the reader what the character is feeling, show them how that emotion feels."

A good exercise is to try and describe an emotion without naming it (e.g write a scene where someone is angry but don't use the word angry, or furious etc.) Describe what she sees in the mans face that tells her how he's feeling, his body language etc. And even though her gift allows her to sense his feelings, how does she do this? Does she feel what he is feeling? If so, hint at this. Why does she pull away? How does she know that he is furious?

Hope this helps.
Dave

Very apt title, you have an obvious flair for language and this story is quite entertaining with a very sympathetic character in Lucy. her gift is a double barrelled gun and this quite elegantly shows no matter where you run to, you can't escape you who are. Your descriptive is very good, painting the world she lives in and your writing carries us forward into the story. Good job.

Immediately compelling, I found myself eagerly reading one chapter after the other - the descriptions jump off the page and make it easy to step into Lucy's shoes .. gripping stuff, highly enjoyable
Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

Gifted

Great subject and plot surrounding. Very nice vivid description.
Great characterization.
You do a wonderful job of painting the picture driving through the roads at night and the state of mind at the time.
Great Job!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

I.A.

Another masterpiece.
Reading your work makes me feel good because it is fascinating and very unique in Authonomy. It is clear that you have put a great deal of effort into your writing. The narrative technique is comprehensive and the plot has got the good elements to pull the reader's interest. Your effective manipulation of characters is transparent since they seen to be very interactive through clear dialogues. Sensing other people's emotions is really a privilege gift to understand them better and help when they are emotionally weak. You, as a writer, are committed to your content and serious about the development of your craft. What I like about Authonomy is that it allows writers, of all abilities, to share their work with other keen writers and readers, work that might not otherwise become published—and not necessarily for any reasons related to literary merit. I have backed your book since I felt that your efforts deserve my backing. Best of luck with your writing.

FLETCH
STORIES FROM A LEAKING MIND

Evocative, stylish and utterly compelling. Backed, of course.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Very magical, full of heart - and beautifully written!

You are a very gifted writer I.A.

Two thumbs up!

Will be looking for this in the bookstores :)

Backed with great pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Duruga is a long way from the bright lights of the city, a quaint old fishing town, the perfect place for relaxation, at least thats what Lucy thinks in this stylish thriller. But her first day out leaves her rattled, an encounter with a wierdo on the road, but even through her prone to accident clumsiness, she settles into a routine, making friends easily. On a fishing trip, she hears distant screams, as though someones fallen off a nearby cliff, however a quick look reveals nothing, then a rumour spreads a women has gone missing.
Great suspense, on parallel with a Afred Hitchcock drama, who is the strange Jack Faulkner, what scandal brought him to Duruga, I want to find out so I'm placing Gifted on my shelve.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Brilliant. Backed
Helen

OH MY GOD You can't leave us hanging like this! It is too cruel!! I found this absolutely enthralling and loved the characters, dialogue, suspense!!!! Please post more or tell us how to read the final chapters!!! BACKED for sure as its one of the best pieces of fiction I've read on this site!!! Good luck!!!

Dear Ingrid
Since you're interested in an in-depth review, I'll be giving this a closer gander in the next few days. I think I'll be able to help. All I want in return is for you to remember me when you see Gifted sitting on the shelf in your local bookstore! : )
Seriously, if I can help, I'll certainly do my best. I'll start off with the first few chapters, and go on if you like my input.
G R

You style read very smooth and your word choice is very good. You have an nice vocabulary that makes ready your work much more enjoyable. I usually keep a running dialogue and just comment on what I don’t like and like about someone’s work. The following is my dialogue. I back your book with pleasure.

I would not use “descended into a fog”(past tense) instead I would say “descends into the fog”(present tense) This is more my personal preference.
I love the picture you paint of the car going down the mountain in the fog.
I like the way you create tension in your story.
I have read your first chapter and I think it is really good. I don’t know if you need to change anything.
Good job.

I was about to remark that "Gifted" is the way I would dexcribe your writing, but I see someone beat me to it. No matter, I find your writing style really engaging. I am not normally a fan of prologues, but yours really works. The inner dialogue of your MC is captivating and the story has great pace. Just be aware of a tendency to over-use commas in some of your sentences. Otherwise I am more than happy to back this. Colin

GIFTED: A frightening concept indeed! Such powers as Lucy has i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The story you weave is spellbinding. Vivid idea told with style and passion.
I will look out for your book as time goes by and trust it will do well on this site. (Mind you I have just realised that to reach the ED one has to have a wide circle of friends on social networking sites. Talent, which I have seen a lot of on here, a not a guarantee of success! The sadest thing is that it means good writers may be overlooked and Harper Collins will mis out in the long run.)

Your book is well written and you Do have talent

Rev Raven Scott

Understanding the mind of a monster ... but will it help her escape? (I love that Lewis Carroll quote.) But before that (I assume) she's driving like a maniac. Vivid description of Duruga, bringing the town alive. Plans for gardening and fishing would desert me too in the weather. There she goes again, maniac driving on a bike this time. Hm, what's this with Ely? 'Those piercing grey eyes were somehow familiar', erk. 'Daggy hats' wonderful Aussieism. 'Content', a sure sign something disturbing is about to happen. But Bobby isn't it. 'A woman screaming', that'll be it. 'Reading the same line in my book over and over', that would be the love interest arriving, and there's something not-quite-right...

Talented writing and natural dialogue make this a pleasure to read. Add to the mix the strong character of Lucy, the unusual premise of an ability to feel other people's emotions, and a plot involving murder (plus that prologue), and you're onto a winner. Happy to have this on my shelf.

Possible nits: Try something like this for the awkward 'them' paragraph, 'I could sense someone - nearby - had to be for me to feel the heat...'

'I began to shake ... I began to slide'. 'I thought as I collected my thoughts'.

Occasionally things, particularly emotions, feel slightly over-described, e.g. 'calmness washed over me like a lullaby being sung softly in my ear', the words after 'lullaby' add nothing.

What a great story! I think your first chapter is absolutely stellar. In looking through some other comments, some people have mentioned too much emotional description, but I actually really love that. I guess it's just a matter of preference. I love to have a lot of description about exact how the character feels and what they are doing. Makes it more real to me.

Excellent work! Shelved for sure.

Heidi Marshall
More

Your vivid imagination coupled with your very descriptive writing style has created a unique fantasy novel that is sure to be a hit with the YA audience. I especially like the first person narrative - it makes the story flow well. Your work is finely crafted, properly paced and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is superb - especially that of Lucy. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Best wishes, Ingrid. For the YA market I'm sure that an author has to grab the book by its spine and throw in action, suspense, believable characters and a cliff hanger at the end of the first page to induce us to read further. You have done this with Gifted. A compelling start.
Scott.

Hi, I.A.-

This is a great story, told exceptionally well.

My only criticisms arein the length of the chapter, plus an overabundance of cliches.

But, both are a matter of simple housekeeping.

BACKED.

Best of luck with it. And please take a look at my book.

Thanks.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR