In the Flesh

profound writing. original style. effective story, using the first person to the full...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

You've given us a tense paranormal tale with edgy characters and vivid scenes. Appealing dialogue. Confident narrative. Razor sharp writing. Backed.

Hi Justin,

I like the unusual concept of this story. I have only had time to read the first two chapters, which are rather long, but it's hard to stop reading which is good. You do need to introduce the narrator's first name a little earlier. We don't learn it until well into the second chapter.

There are a few tense slips and such but nothing major. On inconsistency - in chapter two, you have a line saying 'my legs were forever damaged' yet he seems to have no problem later when he is moving around using stairs, packing and such.

On the whole a good story though and I will try to find time to read more.

Ron

Hi Justin,

I like the unusual concept of this story. I have only had time to read the first two chapters, which are rather long, but it's hard to stop reading which is good. You do need to introduce the narrator's first name a little earlier. We don't learn it until well into the second chapter.

There are a few tense slips and such but nothing major. On inconsistency - in chapter two, you have a line saying 'my legs were forever damaged' yet he seems to have no problem later when he is moving around using stairs, packing and such.

On the whole a good story though and I will try to find time to read more.

Ron

Hi Justin,
Sorry to take so long to get back to you, but I hope the following comments will be useful. Lots of effective writinf here - especially the opening paragraphs. Ecomony, atmosphere and intrique all here - I definitely want to read on. Only jarring note for me in first 2 paras is the use of 'atop' (it is such an ugly word and saves little space)
You have established a strong 'voice' - good stuff. However, as I read on there were a few points where (in my opinion) some over-writing has crept in - eg - 'lent its wicked hand to this end' / 'cruel trick' / 'neared his final earthly posture' etc. I'd suggest taking a ruthless look to pare all of this back to the economy of the opening.
Two other wee suggestions - you don't need to spell out 'cleft palate' - the description already tells us that, and I'd avoid the editorial / authorial comments - eg - 'in this time, surgeons...' etc and also the use of modern vocab eg - 'prima donna frame' except where you are actually in a different time. -The 'movie star' reference was effective in the opening para - indicating that we are going to have to juggle different times / settings - which is absolutely fine, but (imo) it's more effective to leave it at that and allow us to be immersed in each time as appropriate. (Assuming I'm right about the different times.)

These suggestions aside, you show a talent here and are going on my shelf.

Good luck with it,

Margaret

This is a true original. The pitch is very appealing and the prose both lyrical and fiercely intelligent. I wish you all the best with it.
Carl
The Time hunters

hello! I find this almost reads like an epic poem, such is the flowing nature of the literary meter . i think it looks superb , i read the first chapter and intend to revisit this epic. i love the descriptions of death almost as something to look forward to - in those days of plagues and pestillence ,it must have been a common outlook. so alien to today. do look and comment at my work if you can id be thrilled (the vril codex) best wishes,ben

Certainly you have unexpected elements. The main character narration seems to consistently show the personality emerging is detrimental to the rest of the story. Well written, great plot, well developed character.

Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Certainly you have unexpected elements. The main character narration seems to consistently show the personality emerging is detrimental to the rest of the story. Well written, great plot, well developed character.

Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Justin, I have finally given Persona Non Grata a good read and have nothing to say comment-wise except well done and best of luck with this. It's very good indeed, gripping and dark.

TRM (Darkened Voices)

Brilliant writing and great storyline. Only able to read the first chapter but I'm much impressed. This should do very well. Good luck.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Justin, I've read what you have here and will keep it on my watch list in hopes you will soon post more of this tantalizing tale. Jim

PERSONA NON GRATA

Justin - Using a challenging combination of two genres, you brilliantly achieve a work of mystery, obsession and menace. Your applied style blends all the elements of a gripping story, with brio, commensurate with a practised yet seamless unconscious ease, to produce an outright bravura literary performance. Backed and re-Watchlisted.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Backed, you've captured the tone of the period well afew gramatical errors, but you've something good going. Keep at it

scorselo the communicator

hullo Justin. what a family. Thank goodness that this is about incidents in the past. Sounds like Father needs to be drawn and quartered. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Massively intriguing and an interesting concept. Your writing needs only the smallest of polishing. Yet this is unique enough to soar up the charts. I wish you the best with it.

Kind Regards,

Jodi.
x-Evalesco-x

Backed with Pleasure
Abel Kane
The Alchemists' Cookbook

Hello Justin,

I don't think I've thanked you for backing "The Doctor of Summitville" or mentioned that I'm reading "Persona Non Grata" with interest and admiration. Your theme is unique, but reminds me of a novel I read long ago--"My First Two Thousand Years" by George Sylvester Viereck. In this well-written tale, The Wandering Jew is a handsome young man who encounters many interesting people in his life from year one to the present (about 1940) His off-and-on love is Salome, also immortal. It's a book worth reading.

I'll try to comment on your novel when I've read more. Meanwhile, thanks again and best of luck, Bill

This is elegantly written and definitely worth backing. You quickly create a sense of place and an MC who has many layers to be uncovered as pages are read. I didn't think I would be able to 'feel' for this character but I found myself doing it. Your pitch makes it sound as if he will learn to steal a person's 'essence'. As he becomes the monster on the inside that he is on the outside, my feelings might change but I felt that you being able to do this showcased your talent. Definitely well done. Good luck.
Jenny

Following your pitch I was rather hoping that more of the story would be here. Not that I am particularly complaining it is just that the plight and temporary escape of Sorren to the sanctum and clutches of Faustus in these four chapters reads much like a dark prelude. It is' Poe'-esque in the anticipation you create and I, and probably many others, would like to read on. RT

Justin, dark and thrilling--I enjoyed the read--it was impressive and had a strong narrative thrust. The short sentences and snappy dialogue gave it an authentic feel. I loved the themes, metaphors, and suspense
It reads like a winner and I wish you the best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

This is a really good read, I couldn't stop once I started. Alan "The Right Yoke"

Your pitch drew me in, it is very enticing. I alo like the title and cover, which gives a feel of historical setting. I'm quite impressed, historical fiction coupled with sci-fi, this definitely is original work. Your writing is very expressive an right from the start the reader gets an idea of the MC's personality and his troublesome life with regards to the cruelty of his father.
Like others, I was eager to know more about the taxman, but we just have to wait for when this is published.
Backed earlier.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Grim stuff, wonderfully told

This is not the genre' I would normally read. It was the pitch mentioning The Taxman and Inland Revenue which made me read the book - as an accountant I'm usually dealing with these people - so I was a little disappointed they did not show in the four chapters.
However, your writing is superb. You capture, how people would probably talk and think in the era we are in, in such an imaginative way.
When Sorren apparently died, I suppose I expected him, from your pitch, to take up residence in another body.
So this puzzled me, but you held my interest throughout all chapters. Descriptions, of people and events, was snappy and not drawn out. This made for a good read and should do well. I'm backing it.

para3 More should be Moore I believe

Powerful story. Literary fiction at its finest.

Backed

Excellent read, you manage to draw the reader in very well - thought you maybe over wrote this a bit, with some ruthless editing I think you could really elevate it.

This is dramatic stuff but perhaps you overdo the very short sentences at times. Also, although the tone generally suggests the period well, words like 'bug' and 'toddler' strike as unlikely then.

I think just a little filling out of the narrator's character would be good, especially in the beginning. The opening sentence is confusion.

Backed, as you see. Rosalind, Good for Him, Making It.

It look me a moment or two to get into your charachters. I dont normally read this genre so perhaps I'm not the best to critique it my idea of sci fi is Dr Who, anywaying here goes. I thought the concept was a good one. The forshaddow of the fathers abuse is well hanith skill. . You have some very stong charachters that you have drawn. I am sure this will do well in its genre.
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Very powerful, very convincing tone. Just my sort of book, what there is of it. Not a criticism, I've done the same myself with my second upload. There's always a place for underdog books. Father's cruelty is handled very well. You know how it's done. Well understood. Backed
Rosalind

Nice read. I enjoyed it much. At times I found it a little rough to follow but even so it was interesting. You described the scenes well. Your character was easily pictured, and the beheading constructed well I believe. Your writing style is different from my usual read, but that makes it all the more interesting. I can back this.
Nick
Invasion From Within

An interesting and intriguing idea, one of which that takes a great imagination. Being a history lover, I like the way you have built this into your story. I hope this is a success, it would be nice to have something different being a big hit on the shelves.
BACKED!
Aimee

Hi Justin

Many thanks for backing the Fun and B*ll*cks of Internst Dating. I've put your book on my watch list and will move it up to the bookshelf in the next couple of days - I'm forever moving things around because I was told (and I hope this is correct!) that once a book has been placed on a bookshelf it doesn't lose points by being taken down.....

Good luck

Peter

Dear Justin --

The care and attention that you've given to Persona Non Grata shows in your well-crafted descriptions. From the opening line, you create a sense of time and place that signals to the reader to strap in -- this is going to be quite a ride. Sorren's voice is authorative and commanding, sometimes shading toward arrogant but never quite forgetting where he's come from... this is masterful. Looking forward to reading more as you upload more chapters.

Backed with pleasure. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

I enjoyed reading this - in particular the section on the sale of the elixir to the 'gullible masses' was very evocative. There were a couple of places where I found the sentence construction a bit confusing - but that may just be down to the attempt to replicate the language patterns of the time (for example - My studies were to resume under the greatest mind of our time and he accepted me - should it be he had accepted me (and for what)?)
Either way I'm happy to back this, and wish you well,
Brian

Wonderful story, very compelling. Well-written and completely worthy of a backing!

Denise

I was wondering if you could take a look at my book?

Fine writing and story telling.

One nit.

"brought my brothers and me"

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway

Definitely my kind of read. Definitely backed! excellent work.

Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Powerful atart as seen through the child's eyes as his life changes forever. The imagery is startling and the prose concise and sharp. The pitch is excellent, pulling people in right away and the journey seems like it will be woth it. Excellent

A genre change of literary fiction seems justified. The prose is extremely well done in a most interesting manner. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) Look into using the "cherry pick" feature of the website. See FAQ, it's in there somewhere and readers sometimes head to comments first to get impressions of others. I seldom look at comments first because I want my comments to be mine, and not influenced by others. More, comments: I would not use both historical fiction and literary fiction together.

il mostro...surely you refer to your talent!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book
Could you also have a read (if you haven't done so) of 'Moonbeam Highway' by Tim Chambers, a wonderful book that at present sits on the Ed's desk.

This is beautifully written. The imagery alone is vivid, and the level of details is supportive without being overwhelming while the characters provide the perfect human touches to a compelling plot. One of the most distinctive pieces I've seen on Authonomy to date.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

PERSONA NON GRATA: At last a truly origonal story that stands apart from the rest. The whole basis for success is the story if all other things are equal. Your use of words, both descriptive and in the dialogue is on the bal, as many on this site are. It is then the storyt hat pulls you above the crowd.

It is certainly an adult story, told in an adult way and I mean that in the most praisewrthy way.
Grown up story, enjoyed it, it challenges me. Wish there was more and I just hpe and traust that the rest keeps up the standard.
backed.

rev Raven scott (Coming, ready or not/Love is a colour too)

Great title. Compelling pitch.
A Zoomer

This is so different! I really enjoyed the chapters posted, and hope the rest of the book continues its promising beginning. Thank you for backing "The Dream Machine" and I have put your book on my bookshelf awaiting further promotion.

Fascinating story, I love the writing style and the sense of atmosphere. Backed with pleasure, best of luck Justin.

Jack Hughes
"Dawn of Shadows"

Hi Justin, The narrator evokes an alienated boy in a rough era. The atmosphere immersed me along with the father’s schemes. Rosetta’s behavior brought the story into a surreal zone or one of sorcery then. The premise and Sorren’s apartness bode of well-rendered scenes in another of his lives. Well-done! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Justin, apologies for taking so long to get back to you.

This is a very fine piece of writing: engaging, descriptive, highly polished and professional. The first person narrative puts the reader straight into the mc's head, making us live and breathe his surroundings and experiences. The descriptions are eloquent and magnetic: The little cries were mine. Be they worldly sounds or some special effects... I was terrified at the colossus that was Father...Life receded to death and its tangible subtraction...It was the snarl of clashing metal and stone...

This is by far the best piece of writing I've come across on this site yet. Backed.

Hi Justin
You have a great imagination and this is encapsulated beautifully in your story. You have also managed to perfect the writing and language for this period neatly. It has all the makings of a classic drama.
DP Walker
Five Dares

eloquently written with delightful imagery and dialogue. the characters seem well rounded. The pitch is a great hook to pull the reader in and keep them there. Backed with pleasure,