Shadow King

Dear Shauna: You are a gifted writer, my dear, and this is a wonderful fantasy and love story for young adults. You write excellent dialogue and lots of it which keeps your whole book interesting. Marvelous imagery of the shadow man taking Gabby's mom and Gabby's hair turning white. Also good and accurate imagery of the bullying she received by Jeremy and Elizabeth. One small suggestion: When Gabby found Abby in the woods, I think Gabby would have stormed back to her father to get his help. Would you consider deleting the interlude in Chap 2 between "Would you like that?" (Gabby questions Abby while in the woods) and "What's wrong? Where's Mickie?" Dad frowns. After "Would you like that?" I think I'd write something to the effect, "grabbing Abby's hand, Gabby ran back to the house to get her father." As you read the whole book, the reader feels sorry for the father who loses Gabby but enjoys the growing love story between Gabby and the Shadow King who believes that Gabrielle is his lost Aurelia. Beautiful story, Shauna, and I hope it gets published! Many stars for your lovely book. Blessings, Pat

This is superb writing. It accomplishes everything that a passionate, thorough writer sets out to do. This will be a homerun with the target audience. I'm a grown man and I haven't been able to stop reading for 5 chapters.

The world you have conjured is uncannily vivid. This piece of platinum prose and dialogue should be published as soon as possible.

Of course I have backed it and awarded well-deserved stars. You will be a very rich woman in the future if you continue to write at this lofty level.

Dear Shauna: You are a gifted writer, my dear, and this is a wonderful fantasy and love story for young adults. You write excellent dialogue and lots of it which keeps your whole book interesting. Marvelous imagery of the shadow man taking Gabby's mom and Gabby's hair turning white. Also good and accurate imagery of the bullying she received by Jeremy and Elizabeth. One small suggestion: When Gabby found Abby in the woods, I think Gabby would have stormed back to her father to get his help. Would you consider deleting the interlude in Chap 2 between "Would you like that?" (Gabby questions Abby while in the woods) and "What's wrong? Where's Mickie?" Dad frowns. After "Would you like that?" I think I'd write something to the effect, "grabbing Abby's hand, Gabby ran back to the house to get her father." As you read the whole book, the reader feels sorry for the father who loses Gabby but enjoys the growing love story between Gabby and the Shadow King who believes that Gabrielle is his lost Aurelia. Beautiful story, Shauna, and I hope it gets published! Many stars for your lovely book. Blessings, Pat

Your pitch grabbed me staright away and has not let go. A brilliant read! Backed!!

Shauna

I love this...it is so dark. The premise of the story is wonderful. This is really frightening. Your style is descriptive but lively...exactly the sort of writing I like.

I will gladly shelve this when I have a space, at the moment it is going on my watchlist.

Tracey

.....is that all?

You are so mean, lol.

I love this story. I want this book on my shelf at home so I can find out how it all ends and then take it down again and again to read it many times over. Gabby's voice is strong and you write present tense very well. The faerie are the perfect balance of beauty and danger. They remind me of the scraps of real fairy tales I came across every now and again as a kid.

I would say more, but its 3:30am and I have to be up for work sooner then I'd like to admit. Your story kept me captivated till the last page and left me hungry for more....I can't wait to see what comes next.

~Sun and Moon

~Shaliken

The voice you have created is amazing, I love the concept of this story, and the rich and colourful language really pulled me into the story, as a massive fan of young adult fantasy fiction I have to say, I think this will go far! Keep up the good work!

Wow, this is amazing. The shadow man is terrifying, and yet beautiful too. I wonder what would have happened if Gabriella's father hadn't gotten there when he did. It really felt like it was from an eight year old girls point of view.
I love that her hair changed colour too, great idea!

The sky looked like it was bleeding fire - Great line, perfect ending to a great chapter.

Can't wait to read more :)

Luciana House
'Burning Angel'

This is superb writing. It accomplishes everything that a passionate, thorough writer sets out to do. This will be a homerun with the target audience. I'm a grown man and I haven't been able to stop reading for 5 chapters.

The world you have conjured is uncannily vivid. This piece of platinum prose and dialogue should be published as soon as possible.

Of course I have backed it and awarded well-deserved stars. You will be a very rich woman in the future if you continue to write at this lofty level.

Hm,, second chapter, I like her a lot, and I like the direction that the story takes!.. and I think this book will sit well with older children. Um, I think that in places you do get a little wordy, there are still a few 'extra' words that need to be cut, and some sentences that need a little work, and I wonder if all the little things you mention are important to the story? I think that there also could be a little less telling and a little more showing. These are just general, picky comments though!!! Overall, enjoyable story, (a little outlandish like the attempted collins murder lol, one moment scratches and bruises, and then it's called attempted murder!!), high rating, and best wishes for the future with your book!! Thanks for sharing. :) Will read on just so I know what the animal is... interested to know if it's related to the shadow man...
Monicque
The Multiple Choice

Incredible story!! What did the shadow man say when he spoke????????? I want to know!!!
Wow, really enjoyable. Highly rated now, and I'll read on... I thought this looked interesting!! Thanks for sharing. Monicque. x

This is a very powerful opening to what seems to be a very intriguing story. I was on the edge of my seat and very moved emotionally when reading the opening chapter. I love your flow and the perspective of an 8 year old girl brings much depth into this scene. I intend to read on, but so far I really like what I've read.
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Shauna, I'm here as a reader only, not some 'expert' critic.

Shadow King.

Cover: It looks interesting enough.

Short pitch: I like this.

Long pitch: Now this looks very interesting, certainly enough to make me want to 'open' the book.

First two chapters read in full. Once I got to the 'Shadow Man' taking Gabriella's mum this story really demanded my attention. Same again in chapter two and the forest. I think you enjoy creating all this tension and suspense Shauna, and you do it well.

Highly starred, staying on my w'l and more than happy to give this a spin on my shelf once I have honoured my current shelf commitments.

Danny.

The DEAD Bloc

Just keeps getting better and better! You really develop your characters so well! There is such a mystery behind everything, I need to know what's going to happen!!! Please let me know when you've uploaded more chapters, I hope they come soon!! :)

Sara

Okay, please put up more chapters! Seriously, I have never raced through something so fast in my life! Your descriptions are amazing, I love the ones that describe the garden, the mirror, and the flowers. I can't tell you how much I like Gabriella and her relationship with Jinx and the Shadow King! His horse freaks me out and Jinx is just fantastic! Honestly I cannot thank you enough for posting this, I LOVE IT. Love your characters, love the plot, love the scenes! You bring me right into the book, I would gladly buy this. Backed and starred to the max, you weave your words with such skill. Keep up the great work, and please message me when you ADD MORE CHAPTERS! Please add them soon!!

Sara :)

Wow. he first chapter really is great, that was a great hook! I love the way Death is described and how you have made him a person! Seriously, this is fantastic, I cannot wait to read more.

Sara

Wonderful writing. This gets off to a cracking start, full of menace and suspense. On my watchlist.

This is the sort of book I find a really satisfying read, so I've given it one of those now rare things, a place on a shelf.
Lara
GOOD FOR HIM and also
A FEAST OF TALES on the avatar, Good for her

Oh My God this is utterly amazing and if it doesn't appear in shops soon so I can read the rest I will be deeply disappointed. When I fist started reading I couldn't stop. You have created such a fanatstic world, you should be really proud of yourself.
Rated and backed with utmost pleasure :)

Lesley-Ann (Ezeldren Spirit of Ezereth)

hello,

promised i'd read this about fifty years ago - sorry. pitch, good, first chapter only (not because it's not good, because i'm lazy). nothing to pick - perfect feel for YA, grabs at the start, good voice for the main character...very good. rating and backing, though i'm not sure what that means. good luck with this.

Great pitch and what follows doesn't disappoint on any level,

This is a very well written and has plenty to keep the reader turning the pages.

Hi. I have no qualms about backing this story. It's beautifully written and well-structured. It keeps interest up, but it has pace to it, as well. I always check the first three chapters because I've seen a lot on this site that throw everything at the first chapter, but have no followup. This starts well and keeps going. I've seen few stories written in first person present, and even fewer that got it right. This is one of them.

This is superbly written. What a great concept. I am fascinated by other dimensions, having expreienced so many in my line of work as a psychic. You powerful pitch hooked me immediately, and the cover is perfect for this book. I really enjoyed your easy, natural writing style. The array of interesting characters, added flavour to this wonderful tale. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

I love the way you use your descriptive words at exactly the right places. This book is very entertaining and well written and it keeps the reader in pace, always wanting to come back and find out what happens next. I think you have an excellent book here and you have my support, happily backed. Mariah

Shadow king is a good read. I've read the first, eighth and 14 chapters as a sample, and your writing is worth backing. You take the reader right into the story at the beginning, and the awful scene where death takes her mama is very affecting. No overblown adjectives, just tight, economic vocabulary. As a writer of YA myself, and a teaching assistant, I can say for certain that you'd have an audience for this.
Watchlisted and will be backed at next shelf change.
Cariad.
STONES.

OMG!! I love your writing!
Please update soon

Great builidng of suspense. Love the way you use the forest to pull the reader through into another world.
Great YA reading.

Rhonda Louise
(Wombat Sushi)

good description helps this story move along. this is on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Gripping pitch and well wriiten. Cover page is fab also.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

The shadow man swallows Mama's soul. 'He looks like he's got shadows trapped in his skin'. I have to say that I'm stunned and impressed by the power of the opening chapter in both what it portrays and how it does so.

Having seen Death, Gabriella gets a reputation as a bit of a nutter, and still being at school, that makes her a target for every bully in town. Slowly, we get glimpses of that original madness, such as the nailed-shut windows, and her reaction to the malicious gossip.

That's normality ... but in searching for her lost sister, she wanders somewhere else entirely, and it is indeed a fairytale, grim and horrific, but definitely a fairytale.

What stands out above everything else is Gabriella and her astonishing humour and bravery. It starts out simply as a constant, 'assuming I ever learn to drive', and then evolves into, 'I'll even take a ghost or two at this point'. Then I'm afraid that in the midst of sheer terror and tension, she nearly made me choke laughing when she said, 'Excuse me, Mr Spock!'

Brilliant, and written with rare finesse.

As a YA supernatural romance, this is in a class of its own, Shauna. It has shades of Donny Darko and Edward Scissorhands, fairytales and Anime, darkly beautiful, deadly and funny. It is awesome and should be published ... backed.

Possible nits: 'to know who had thrown it' -> ' to know who threw it'. I don't use italics for thoughts in my 1st person present POV, and I doubt you need to either.

Love this!! Well written and creative.

Backed!
Cori
"Princess"

chapter 12 is great. the only thing would be turning gabriella's horror up a notch when she watches the dolls dance and maybe of the shadow king. aggravated seems, i don't know, a little soft. if i were him, murderous would be how i would feel. sparking energy like lightning or radiating it like mirage waves. of course this just my opinion and you can say buzz off! =D

me

always did love chapter ten! jinx is such a perv! and i love 11 for the sad scene at the mirror.

didn't see any typos, but, then again, i was too into the story to see them!

me

Backed Shadow King. We read the first 2 chapters. You paint a vivid picture that captivates readers. We’re looking forward to reading more.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Ingenous. Riveting. A superbly tangled, creepy story. Credible, convincing characters. Crisp dialogue. Provocative narrative. Unique storyline. Spot on storytelling. Elegant writing. A captivating read. Backed.

omg! i love the sadistic Jinx! she is so amazingly evil! and the shadow king just takes the cake because he doesn't even know jinx is there and thinks gabs is a nut! oh this is such an fabulous book! it deserves to be published!

me

Well written and interesting. Backed. Chuck

17 September 2010
It is an anomaly but every 'fictional' story has to have 'authenticity' to make the grade. Shadow King has realism and truth in all aspects, starting with the 'voice' and experiences of the youthful narrator. This is crafted prose, at its best, that guides the reader through the events and scenarios as they develop, while still allowing the reader to visualize his own mental images. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

AWESOME! chapter 7 and 8 are great! i loved them both. cleaning in a boned dress! whoo hoo! the torture! what a stupendously horrible thing to do her!

fantastic job!

me

Enjoyed the first chapter. Have to read more, not much time. Backing!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

‘the low, velvet rumble of his voice’ very good! This is creepy and elegant.
Love the contrast between the two girls; Mickie a ‘social bitterfly’ and Gabby almost a pariah.

Very good start. Smart and well written. Backed.

I read your first chapter and was immediately intrigued. Now i have read your other five chapters i am completely hooked. The basic plot is extremely unique and refreshing, and the characters feel very real (even the shadow king, who is actually quite surreal). You have got Gabriella's 'voice' just right and the overall tone of your work is perfect. I can't wait to read more!

Hi Shauna, your opening chapter is well-written. You describe the build up to Gabby's sister's birth and how she felt excluded from her room. Despite being told not to, she enters to meet your new sister, Mickie. Then, the man comes in through the window and seems to drink your mother of her life -- she is murdered by the terrifying shadow man. The last line is very good.
Chapter two advances the plot in first person present tense, with Gabby almost seventeen. The usage of the tense seems consistent. We are introduced to Mr. Collins and some of Gabby's friends, who have seen something in the woods.Now, Mickie has gone into the woods ... a good hookline.
Backed. Good luck.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Just one thing - and you might have gotten the feedback already - "privileges." =)

This book is amazing so far (I've read 2 chapters)! You have excellent character development and realistic dialogue that draws the reader in. The storyline is intriguing and pulls the reader along, wanting to continue reading. Well done! Shelved with pleasure.

Leigh
If you have time, please consider reading "Lies That Bind," also a YA novel, and backing if appropriate. Thanks, and best of luck with your writing!

The first line of chapter 1 is very dramatic and intriguing and pulled me in straight away. Your use of the words 'Mama' and 'Daddy' emphasise Gabriella's age and make her seem much more vulnerable. Also, the phrase 'It wasn't fair for death to be so beautiful.' illustrates Gabby's confusion about the concept of death and her fear and desperation. Her character is very well drawn and engaging, and the shadow man is very mysterious and captivating. Backed

chapter 6: martha stewart's head imploding! omg that image made me laugh!

Hey, i didn't throw swoon into anything. ???? not sure what you mean here.

was trolling the latest books and saw you put up a new chapter. had to read it instantly.

me

chapter 2: bribary -- british spelling???

love the awesome vines and flowers!

this is like discovering a shining new penny all over again! i loved it the first time and i'm estatic the 2nd time around!

excellent! fantastic! stupendous! gorgeous!

me

Shadow King

Shauna Houser

Thought you had a curious short pitch which caught my attention -
"When my sister was born, Death came for my mother.
I was the only witness to his arrival."
After reading both pitches and your opening, this could be a good match for your target readership - fresh, different with lots of tension and expectation in the air. I am very curious about this "shadow man". "The shadow man did it, " I sobbed. The sky looked like it was bleeding fire. I think there is good potential here. Best of luck.

Rarely have I read of a presence as frightening but as convincing as the shadow man. Appearing to drink the mother, moving with an eerie grace, speaking in an unintelligible language, even showing shock when he notices Gabrielle - it's too plausible for comfort but marvellous. Backed. Lynn

A good opeing
Bacled
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)