Being Grey

I really, really like this. The whole idea is fantastic and very clever. Right from the very first few lines you're hooked in, and I don't think there are that many books on here that do that. It would make a great read for its target audience.
The dialogue is also extremely well done and I can't believe this isn't destined to rise further.

A very good example of the teen genre. I wish you well with it.

An extremely white being. (I hope)

Steve

This has just the most fantastic premise for a YA book. Your prose is also very fluid and eminently accessible for the younger reader. Great dialogue and actually very orginal. Actually, that's the word that stand out for me. I can't think of another YA story like this here and for that you get an unreserved backing
Carl
The Time Hunters

I love the voice in this story, and I found no errors within the first two chapters. Your pitch drew me into reading this, but your storyline and plot kept me entranced. I love the whole concept of seeing one's "Being" as much as I love the character name's you have chosen: Poppy, Alice, Stefan. Young Adults will dive into this story because here is a group of kids, around their age, who are practically maintaining the good and bad in society. I love this concept, and I'm backing it on premise of pure enjoyment and originality.

Best of luck!
Marissa
By Flame's Light

This looks interesting. Hell of a thing to discover - that you are to kill people. Good pitch, neatly written and should be much enjoyed by your target audience. Be back to read more tomorrow.
Cariad
STONES.

The short pitch pulled me right in.

There is real talent in this but it's undeveloped.

First: Fix the grammar errors and miss-spellings. You're not punctuating dialog properly.

"This is 12 Bluebell Drive, Alice and Lisa's birthday party?' the magician said.

"I recently had my fist solo kill." Yee-ouchies. A dynamite opening sentence TOTALLY destroyed by a typo.

Second: It feels jerky. We don't flow from one scene to the other, we just abruptly jerk there. This feels like lack of experience. You'll get better with practice.

On my WL.

This is a well thought out storyline, and sure to hook your target audience. Great characters who add flesh to the bones of a great story. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Dear Gina Keliher and Kari Milburn,

I didn't expect Being Grey to be so chilling. Your writing is CRYSTAL CLEAR and I love that, excellent. I also think this goes beyond YA.

Best and backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School
(Please have a look. I'm especially interested in knowing the thoughts of young people. Thanks.)

Being Grey
I really like the whole story, the idea is brilliant and I like where it has come from and what it will lead on to. It instantly draws you into the book and the ending is perfect and makes you want instantly pick up a next one?!?!? It is short but it does not affect the story, I like like the flow most of the time and that sometimes its slightly choppy but not too much!!

This is an excellent example of what the YA generation need to be reading rather than the purile trash of romantic werewolves and vampires!!
Being a lot older than the target readers I wondered if this book would grip me but boy it did!
Characters are crisp and clear and easily defined and the story trots along at a good pace to keep you involved but not too fast as to blur the atmosphere of the book.

Great imagination and full credit to Kari and Gina but bring on the next one as you've left us dangling.....

Jonboy

I love everything about the way this book is written, the characters, the way the plot moves along, the fantastic idea behind it, etc. However, I am not a religious person in any way, but I don't believe in anyone ever being "damned". And of course, I don't think it's OK to kill people just because some sixth or fifth sense tells you that they are damned. There is not such thing as good people and bad people, and eliminating bad people will save the world. Bad people can do bad things because other people stay silent, and are blind to the true meaning of their actions. Maybe your book is a metaphor for all this...I looked at chapter 20 to find a clue, but there is still some action to go :).
Sooooo, I loved the way of the book so much, that I give it the benefit of the doubt and my backing...no righteousness here, though I am a little worried about where the book is going. Well done, though :)

I immediately liked this. I love your characters and the whole idea of 'beings' is great, especially when the gifted children have to kill them. My free time is short at the moment but I will want to keep on reading this. I think this will do very well. Happy to back it.

Best Wishes

Anna

I wanted to read this as after reading the preface as it sounded just my type of book and it certainly didn’t disappoint! I love the idea of the black and white beings, very unique. YA will love this.
Well done
Backed!
Sam (Fallacy)

This is one of the best YA pitches on the site. The prologue works very nicely but it was Chapter one that really brought the piece to life, at least for me. Nice use of first person and I really liked Alice.
Happy to back this
Carl
The Time hunters

Being Grey
Gina Keliher & Kari Milburn

Pure, damned or simply being grey? Nice question. Like your title by the way, as well as some of the themes that came to mind. It's not a good thing and it's not a bad thing. Are you sure this is tagged correctly as YA? I'm not YA and I'm enjoying it a but too much! This reads like good intelligent writing. Your plot is imaginative and your writing style competent. It would be nice to be gifted - I like this aspect of your plot very much. Very individualistic style here which is refreshing. "Come on Slappy, let's eat!" I agree - lunch time here and if I continue reading this stimulating book and neglect my family, someone will have to ask someone in the real world as in your fictional world, "Why did you slap her?" With the innocent response, "I didn't mean to, I'm just not the type of guy to punch a woman! Anyway, what could I do then?" She neglected her kitchen duty!! LOved this Gina and you bet, I'll be back to read more when I can find the time. Happy to back it and all the best in getting it published.

I really, really like this. The whole idea is fantastic and very clever. Right from the very first few lines you're hooked in, and I don't think there are that many books on here that do that. It would make a great read for its target audience.
The dialogue is also extremely well done and I can't believe this isn't destined to rise further.

A very good example of the teen genre. I wish you well with it.

An extremely white being. (I hope)

Steve

I really, really like this. The whole idea is fantastic and very clever. Right from the very first few lines you're hooked in, and I don't think there are that many books on here that do that. It would make a great read for its target audience.
The dialogue is also extremely well done and I can't believe this isn't destined to rise further.

A very good example of the teen genre. I wish you well with it.

An exremely white being. (I hope)

Steve

Dear Gina and Kari --

First off, as another pair of sisters who write together, let us just rejoice in the existence of such close sisterhood!

Okay, with that out of the way -- Wow. We haven't found many books on this site (or anywhere, probably) than Being Gray that provides a better brief, spot-on characterization than yours. Adrian's "smooth black skin and shaved head", Alice's resemblence to Alice in Wonderland. You take care of the necessary without bogging us down, yet our mental image of each person stuck and helped us keep track of everyone beautifully.

We also love the premise. It's unusual, and your dialogue & narrative feel authentic without being clunky, awkward, or trying too hard. Nor could we immediately spot any places where the continuity broke, and we know that writing together can sometimes come off sounding schizophrenic -- your story does not. :)

We could not, in fact, find anything to seriously nitpick in the first three chapters, so we're simply going to back Being Grey with great pleasure! -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

This is a great storyline!
I think this has real commercial value it has (for me) a sense of authenticity that will draw in the target market. Funny with fantastic dialogue I have a feeling this should do well! – Good luck

Hi Gina & Kari, this was a very enjoyable read -- so different from the usual. I hope the YA market isn't so totally obsessed with vampos and weirdwolves that publishers ignore a great story like this. Hopefully not.
Backed with pleasure, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Gina, Kari,

Being Grey - Poppy, Stefan, Annabel and Robbie have special talents, they see the colour of Beings. The pure ones are supported - the damned ones have accidents. The grey ones can be saved. The group have a mentor, Adrian, whose mission is to look out for pure beings who can make the world a better place.
A dark and quirky story told with a unique voice, which will be highly enjoyable for the targeted age group, although publishers of YA fiction will be weary about literal killings, no matter how far offstage they're happening. Maybe they turn out not to be literal killings, more like metaphorical deaths, lessons learned, or something like that. I'm curious where the story is going. I like the tone, it's fun and has great promise.

Follow-up from backing. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

I love the premise of your story - ideas like this always fascinate me. Backed

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant

I enjoyed your fresh and unique story line. The abilities your teens have are really incredible – I especially like the ability to borrow a little of the pure being and inject it into others, so others realize what they are dealing with. That would be useful, indeed! To be honest, I’m not thrilled about the killing in a YA book, but that’s just my personal preference, and I wouldn’t encourage my kids to read a story where they talk about killing so commonplace. I understand the premise, I just don’t believe anyone is beyond redemption, and as a mom, that would keep me from buying this book for my kids.

Nit-picky edit—bottom of chapter one says, “I’m sat there looking a little like Poppy…” Maybe I sat there?

I am shelving your story because it is well written and your story line is really good. Good luck!

Amanda

Hi Gina and Kari,
I’ve read to chapter seven and showed I was enjoying the story. Loved the names, they separated the characters nicely. Only a tiny comment, in that there is a great deal of conversation. I use conversation myself, but you also need to settle the reader, effectively slow the story down a little. This is a novel not a script which means you’re heading for eighty to a hundred thousand words. That is a lot of conversation.

Keith

Unit T Special Forces
Silver Moon

Interesting idea and well written. Enjoyed reading. Backed because I found this original and the story kept my attention throughout.

This is highly orginal and fresh. I'm not sure if this bunch are heroes or villians, but the possibilities for them being both are intriguing.
A fascinating set of characters with some pretty amazing abilities. And, apparently, very strong stomachs.

Loving this!
Your first line is killer. So great.
I am really impressed by your style, by your immediate ability to grab the reader and pull them under. Terrific writing.
backed
Genevieve

This is the kind of novel I would advise my friends to buy (I never lend out my books) I loved the way you opened it, it's so forward but yet we want to know more backed with pleasure.
Jade - Breaking Through x
(Feel free to have a look)

Where can I get to read the end of the book? I'm completely hooked!

Hi Gina and Karl, Good rendering of the Being concept and the actions, also going right to the meeting. I felt acquainted with the characters by the second chapter. Because the first scene was a kill, I wasn’t sure what they were going to do with the pure Being? The white light was effective. In the moral zone, this is certainly provocative for teenagers! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

What a hook. First line in and we're right there. This is wonderfully polished. I enjoyed myself immensely, and you've kept the pace moving along nicely. An excellent effort.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Gina and Kari, This is the kind of novel I would give to my friends--there is some good writing here.

I hope to see this published very soon

I wish you the very best

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

fantastic opening, I like the way you described the event that took place outside the gas station in the beginning. I am backng this book. Please take a minute to look at my book, i think you will like it.

I loved this! Alice is such a average teenager with normal problems and ecclectic friends. But her double life is so cleverly added that it's just very normal for her.
Reminiscent of early Buffy shows in my humble opinion! and I agree - it would make a fabulous TV show!

I loved this! Alice is such a average teenager with normal problems and ecclectic friends. But her double life is so cleverly added that it's just very normal for her.
Reminiscent of early Buffy shows in my humble opinion! and I agree - it would make a fabulous TV show!

Backed this already but wanted to make a few brief comments. This has a great beginning, very dark indeed and a very clear voice. I could imagine it as a graphic novel. I worry just a tiny bit about so many of the central characters being out of their teens, for a YA novel. But maybe unneccessarily.
Nits? Speech tags. .....today.' She said. I think the norm would be ....today,' she said.
Hunter? Huntswoman I think is the norm. Hunter would imply US gun hunting. Or the welly boots!
I wasn't entirely sure about the fact they all have plenty of money. Maybe a little more tension could be evoked if one didn't? Just a strange thought.

Anyhow, I enjoyed the four chapters I read very much.

Hiya, this has all the makings of a very popular book. You obviously have an amazing imagination. However, there are a few edits that need to be made so that the reader can really see what is going on. If you are interested I would be happy to work through chapter 1 with you. All the best, Sana x

Hi Sana, Am realistic to know am not going to end up climbing the charts without a lot of help, so any suggestions you can make would be hugely apprecited.
You can email me personally at authors@beinggreey.com
Thank you :)

Hiya, this has all the makings of a very popular book. You obviously have an amazing imagination. However, there are a few edits that need to be made so that the reader can really see what is going on. If you are interested I would be happy to work through chapter 1 with you. All the best, Sana x

excellent choice of cover and pitch. this is perfect material for a young adults tv show. likeable lead with a mixture of friends each with their own personalities. the dialogue spins off into a life of its own weaving a wonderful world which the reader is happy to revel in. backed with pleasure.

I love the voice in this story, and I found no errors within the first two chapters. Your pitch drew me into reading this, but your storyline and plot kept me entranced. I love the whole concept of seeing one's "Being" as much as I love the character name's you have chosen: Poppy, Alice, Stefan. Young Adults will dive into this story because here is a group of kids, around their age, who are practically maintaining the good and bad in society. I love this concept, and I'm backing it on premise of pure enjoyment and originality.

Best of luck!
Marissa
By Flame's Light

This is a very intriguing story. I'm interested in the idea that these kids are 'Gifted' and can sense whether someone has a good or bad 'Being' and will kill the bad ones. They all look incredibly happy. To be pure: I wonder what that's like? I'll be back to read more when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

I beg to differ with some of the comments below....this is a tough sell as YA. The writing is good, the story is solid, the characters are engaging,but the audience is wrong. I can happily support the book, not the target audience.

Lockjaw

This isn't really my genre, but it is really professional writing, I thought it might be. A very good pitch and first chapter. I don't criticise under the book but I will have nothing but praise to put in messages. Backed with pleasure.
BADD

Hello Gina and Kari. You have managed to make your voices as one in your writing, a gift in itself. I had to read the opening scene at the petrol station twice. It certainly grabbed the imagination and made me want to read on to see the theory behind Alice's gift. Alice and all her friends are described well and the story develops quickly. It's different! Backed with pleasure and wish you both the best of luck with this! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

This has just the most fantastic premise for a YA book. Your prose is also very fluid and eminently accessible for the younger reader. Great dialogue and actually very orginal. Actually, that's the word that stand out for me. I can't think of another YA story like this here and for that you get an unreserved backing
Carl
The Time Hunters

Amazing mix of classy fantasy,family type humour,
and teenage adventures
Shelved with a laugh. from the pitch I suspected a Christian
tract in disguise
cheers................mikegilli The Free

A marvelous and entertaining premise for the YA audience in the fiction/thriller/fantasy genre which is finely crafted, well paced and well written. Your character development of the teenagers, Alice, Poppy, Stefan, Annabel and Robbie, is superb and you do a great job in taking the reader from them being typical teens to their special gifts. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear Author
Your book inspires and threads a fine path. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of writing is unique and offers up a treat. It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed
The Lord of the Dawn. Beyond 2012.

I had my first solo kill, it was recent and not too bad.
Cool premise, I like how you unfold the story.
On my shelf.
A Zoomer
Going Out in Style

Great beginning! I wanted to read more just from the first sentence. You've got a great premise here. The group of kids are engaging, all age appropriate teenagers, and dark and twisty killers. I love how you describe Adrian the first time he's mentioned, and he is so intriguing. I wanted to know what his game was.
Well done.

Julie Farkas
Morning Call

Reall well done, backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal blood Chronicles book one

Welcome aboard, Gina & Kari. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your second comment. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch TELLS instead of SHOWS. With the long pitch, expoand upon it, give us a mini-story arch, then break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question to pique interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is very original and your writing is excellent. I was able to get into the story from the start. Great Job!

A couple of little nits (just minor things that may help polish: This needs an apostrophe: as (it's) one more person to watch over Luke....
also...
You say Beings a lot in this paragraph, which sort of distracts from the read...you might consider restating it in some way: ("You know all about people with damned Beings and there are those with pure Beings....)

Case (Revelation)