The Long Black Veil

ThE LONG BLACK VEIL CHAPTERS 1 to 8
I'm sometimes a little sceptical when a book races up the rankings like yours has obviously done, but I can see this has risen by its own merits. It has such a convincing sense of place and of the era, I could see and hear it all, as though in a film, but also taste and feel it too. You've painted a wonderful picture of the town of Ballantyne and through the eyes of the twelve year old girl, Jane, and the restless, newcomer, Jamie, we sense the emotional undercurrents that threaten to burst through society's restraints.
I'm not sure how you write this together, but I didn't feel there were any parts or chapters written in a different voice or style, so you must harmonise very well. The style itself is easy to read and says a lot with very few words. You introduce the characters very quickly without stopping the action and I felt I knew Jamie very well. In the later chapters when he is sitting with Jane, reflecting on his family and his upbringing in the "only remaining family run plantation",in New Orleans, I'd sensed the "boxed in pressures of his family" before he thought of them.. Jamie is an appealing character and although he has been running after women and from his family for the last ten years, he is not a hard or selfish man: he is gentle and kind with Jane and understands her loneliness. While her need for him makes him want to run away from the responsibility, he is touched by her innocence and wants to protect her. She touches something that reminds him of his own childhood. Like Jane's father, Jamie's father was important in the community but had secrets and a hidden darker life. His mother was also beautiful but cold and unable to answerr his questions. Jane and Jamie are also connected by books.
It is interesting that Jane is reading "To Kill A Mocking Bird"...one of my favourite books. In many ways it has similar themes: racial prejudice, hypocricy and the damage caused by small minded gossip. Jane is like Scout, looking at the scenes with a special innocence, not quite aware of adult needs or behaviour but helping the reader see it all with a clearer eye.
Jane is intelligent and musical, but desperately lonely. She makes up for her lack of company by spying on people, looking through binoculars at her neighbours and overhearing conversations. Consequently, she knows a lot! Her use of the dumb waiter to spy on Jamie is both amusing and frightening. It's frightening because it shows the lengths she's willing to go to see someone. With another man, it could have placed her in danger. The other characters are all equally complex and interesting, especially when you reveal a little of theitr past through their reflections. Eve is a particularkly tragic figure with her poverty striken childhood and her love for Calvin. She is "bored out of her fucking mind" at the party and not interested in the women's "inane chatter". Her love for Calvin and her distaste for Harry is more apparent, especially when Jamie watches Calvin and Eve dance together. There is tension here, as the reader senses something is about to unravel and endanger everyone concerned..
There are many phrases that I could pluck out from your narrative to hold up to admire, but it would fill the whole page. So I'll just mention one, from the 4th July party. Jamie observes some guests stood out "...like a drop of fresh blood on a white carpet." That is effective because as well as being different to other guests, you draw our attention to the danger they pose.
Out of all you have uploaded , I noticed only one typo!
Chapter 6 When Jane and Jamie talking together, in the paragragh that begins "Accustomed to being overlooked..." check out spelling of rescued.
Your writing has great depth and I admire it very much. I back this with pleasure.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Jeannine & Bobbi,

Chapter one, the clear thought I had was that Murphy knew exactly what he was doing putting that Mercedes up for the pot. You capture the time period perfectly with Jane Novotny’s response to Debbie the co-ed. You’ve touched on both racism and sexism and I’m not to chapter 3 yet; and you are clearly setting your reader up to make choices. The research done to make the early 1960’s mentality and pop-culture surroundings is done seamlessly and noted. It’s not hard to crawl inside this book and find yourself in American Graffiti.

I think my favourite scene (because this reads like a movie), is Jane in the dumbwaiter – that is so typical of children, wanting to know what’s going on with their parents. I keep forgetting that she’s 12 until I see the Mary Janes and her legs crossed at the ankle. You’ve drawn the character so well that I can visualize her this way early on. When she wakes Jamie up serving him breakfast, I felt every heart beat and flutter.

I love books and when I read books here I report back on who the author or authors remind me of. This is a Steinbeck. I hope that in no way offends you, as your ability to make your characters breathe and the articulation that you give the American experience is what I enjoyed the most.

Backed -- of course.

SueAnn Jackson Land
The Truth About Whales

J & B, I read all 5 chapters and I must say this is a well written dipiction of small town living. You have some beautiful phrasing that captured me right at the first chapter, and I knew I was in for a treat.."But the stink of desperation hung around him now"...having had gamblers in my family growing up, some may not understand just how truthful that line really is...

also this one was almost poetic and painted such a beautiful picture..."And he had the highway to himself on a golden sunday morning that to him at least,showed more proof of God than any preacher could ever hope to offer"

Your main characters have depth and intrigue and our little Jane reminds me of a little Natalie Woods in "Miracle on 34th ST." Much to wise for her years without the luxury of not knowing at such a young age, the realities and harshness of life.

I like the way Jamie trties to be their to give her confidence but with all the underlying signs of the times starting to shine through, especially at the party, I can only assume that is not going to go over to well with Eve and her husband.

Calvin shows great restraint, but you clearly let us know that his cork is about to pop. I think you both have done and exceptional job, and I know this will do very well. Paced to perfection, and the subtle building certainly leaves us anxious to get to the next page. Backed with certainty Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

I easily got the feel of your characteres and the little town with all its limitations. I liked the way you showed how ghis life brought out tendencies im the characters and by the end I was unwilling to accept that there was no more uploaded.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

I'm happy to have this on my shelf again.

HI JEANNIE AND BOBBI
THE LONG BLACK VEIL'
WAS captured by the pitch as i love small town stories;.
This book lives up to expectations, so creative which give a great sense of envolvement.
the dialogue very good and nicely written and so well crafted
will read more, as it shows great premise;
backed with pleasure
TOM BYE ' F ROM HUGS TO KISSES'
read some of mine please if time and back thanks

This is really good work. I was impressed with the natural pace of the writing, the dialogue and the everyday details that make it easy for the reader to visualize the scenes you've created. Backed.
Adrian Lee

This is an interesting story. Best of luck with your continued writing.
-Backed/author of December Gold

Hi jeannie , bobbie 'the long black veil'

this book has a sence of intriuge about it almost from the time i read the pitch to the first few chapters'
it has the promise of a deep and very good story to come, nicely written and well paced.
backed
TOM BYE 'FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

You have a thoroughly enjoyable writing style that is both descriptive and engaging. It is so nice to find a book that can keep my attention even when the subject matter is not what I would usually read. Backed for sure. Good luck.

I've read the first three chapters but if I'd had time i'd have read it all. The story really flows well and allows the reader to picture events. The characters are beautifully descrubed and the dialogue is realistic. Backed.

Comments to come when I have more time, ladies :]

Funky

Why isn't this published yet? Fabulous. Backed.

Jeannine/Bobbi - backed with pleasure. Have read Chapter 1 and want to know more. It's very well done and I want to read more!

The only distraction I noticed was that occasionally it's difficult to tell who's speaking. "he said" is never used... that appears to be deliberate, but a few strategically placed "he said"s would clarify the dialogue in some places.

This story surprises me in several ways:
Surprises me that I read it - all 8 chapters - because not my usual reading genre
Surprises me that two people wrote it (hard to believe because) - It is seemlessly done!
Surprises me because it eveoked memories of a childhood in a prominent family in a small town.
Surprise me that it handles undercurrents of suppressed violence an dhandle sexual content in a subtle way.

It reads like a classic and should do weel with readrs who like to take their timr with a book (by this I don't meen take weeks to read it, but who savor language an nuance with a good glass of wine to accompany the read.

Backed with ease

just the opening few paragraphs tell me this is a book that can be 'read'. backed with pleasure

"He knew he'd won before he looked," is one of many wonderful lines from this fine work. The dialogue is accurately presented relative to "real life," giving an authentic ring to the prose. Well done. Backed Chuck (Literary Agent Blues) (Uboat Officer)

Dear Jeannine
firstly the book cover got me again andthe ong pitch did the same grab congrats. Still not finished? will wait......I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Interesting depiction of race relations in 1960s America

this is beautifully written and carries the story easily. It is one of those reads that can make you forget what time of day it is.

backed

Ladies,

This is a great story. I am very fond of your style of writing. This sort of 'sarcastic,' (not sure that is the right word to call it) edge is emmerging in sprinkles and readers are welcoming it with open arms. You two add the rough edge so smoothly, I think you have a nice future ahead. You do the card game well and I know first hand it is hard to pull those off. It is so easy to overwrite it. I pulled a card game scene from my own book because I could not get it right. Jamie is a great character easy to understand and journey with...
Great Job!
Good Luck!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Not a typical read for me but I quickly found myself enthralled by your strong writing and steady pulling pace. You give just the right emotion without scenes being too wordy or drawn out. Good luck. Backed.
Jenny

I want this book in my house!!!!!! Now!!!

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

Three observations about this work:

You have very capably employed a show-don't-tell approach to your prose, which I think demonstrates both a strong grasp of your characters and an implicit trust in your reader, which I greatly appreciate.

Second, your dialogue is particularly authentic. I felt immersed in the moment, never jarred by phrases that didn't seem to fit. So few master the craft of strong dialogue-driven stories, but you've done a wonderful job with this.

Finally, your descriptions are lucid and detailed enough without bogging down the pace. I avoid writers like Dickens and Joyce because of the density of description, which seems to allow for no agency in my own imagination to participate in the story. You leave room, while filling out your canvas in a way that puts me there.

Very nicely done. Happy to support your book.

Peace,
Christian Piatt
"Pulling the Goalie"

Backed

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

Smooth and lucid. Its well written. Theres a real authenticity to this. Backed.

Chase

Wow... just simply Wow. I don't have time to read the whole chapter now because I'm at work but I can't wait to read it later. You are definutely talented. Please let me know what you think of my book also.

Have a wonderful day.

- Scott Toney

This is certainly a well-told story. I love the feel of the early sixties having lived through them and although not in the same continent there are similarities. Jane is on the cusp of becoming what was to be known as a teenager and has yet to understand why her mother is constantly upset with her father Harry - a small town wheeler-dealer - Jimmy HOffa style. The blosoming friendship between Jamie and Calvin is handled well. An enjoyable and interesting read. Backed K.J.

A fascinating and well-written insight into the American way of life in the mid 20th century. I am happy to back it. Perhaps you could take a look at either Adam's Apple (comedy) or Tiger's Heart (historical fiction).
Leslie Rocker

Hi, backed a while ago and finally got around to commenting. This is beautifully written. Your diaglogue is perfectly believable, your characters are well built, the story moves briskly, and your descriptions are wonderfully crisp. This is definitely worthy of publication and I wish you luck.

From the word go, this is extremely accomplished writing. I'm reading on with interest (and intrigue!).

I can see why these two authors are already award winners.

Best wishes, Lisa (Death And The City)

The Long Black Veil.

Intricately plotted with rich characters well under control, on a live issue of justice. The stereotypes of such literature have been inverted to produce masterful situational irony through unfaltering narration.

BTW: not that I have any suggestion, but the title seems a mouthful.

Refocusing attention on 1963 harnesses the plume to a noble service.

Thank you, and well done. Backed with enthusiasm.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Hi,
Really solid writing. I particularly liked a few phrases which stood out - "more proof of God than any preacher could ever hope to offer" and "even disturbing information could be useful". Both seem appropriate to the time and place and also reveal something about the characters' ways of thinking.
Lucy

The Long Black Veil.

Intricately plotted with rich characters well under control, on a live issue of justice. The stereotypes of such literature have been inverted to produce masterful situational irony through unfaltering narration.

BTW: not that I have any suggestion, but the title seems a mouthful.

Refocusing attention on 1963 harnesses the plume to a noble service.

Thank you, and well done. Backed with enthusiasm.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Dialog is exquisite, love the natural characters, ease of 'knowing'. You pull in the reader as if they have been a member of the conversation since before the story began. The comfort and ease of the read is very enticing. The story is propelling but not demanding. Like a conversation with an old dear friend.

I really really love this piece. You have done a wonderful job!

Kudos from me and backed.

AmyR

The title is awesome. I do like the synopsis. The idea of the book is very good and I'm backing it because i have no issues with the writing, but I feel sort of cheated. I mean, I was expecting something a bit more literary based on your synopsis, but I can't really call this literature. It's more like an adventure novel. I was expecting to explore "big" subjects, but I'm not getting that in the writing.

I like what you've done here. The dialogue is excellent. The prose tells it like it is, concisely without prattling on and on. It's challenging taking on thematic stuff like this, especially if you weren't around back then and actually saw it, heard it, lived it. (I'm assuming you haven't; I don't think you two are that old, but I could be wrong. You don't have to disclose your age.) Even more so if you're white (again, you don't have to disclose your race to ME; none of my business, nor does it matter to me). Jeez. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you're tackling is very challenging. And that's a good thing, especially when you can pull it off with flair, and so far you seem to be doing a rather fine job. I appreciate those who take on challenging writing projects. (I once tried writing a history of the universe from the viewpoint of God. Talk about biting off more than you can chew! I grew weary somewhere around 3.9 billion BC and had to drop the idea.) Keep up the good work, ladies!

Your synopsis is compelling and promises a rich, interesting read which the book does not fail to deliver. I like the economical style of writing that very skilfully still manages to get everything across. The atmosphere and sense of the period, the underlying tensions - even the heat - are all wonderfully drawn.

EmJ - Made Up & The Dividing Line

Delhui (the two of you). An excellent writing style that exactly fits the story, and a story that you weave so well that I spent far more time browing than I expected. I look forward to seeing this one in print.. BACKED RChanning (Where have all the young People Gone?)

Hi guys, this is great down-home hard-boiled stuff - it reminded me a bit of Larry McMurtry, that kind of story-telling that just draws you in, even if the subject matter is not usually your kind of thing. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Jeannine and Bobbi,

Wow! What a story - and what a town! I want to live there, meet the characters - and share their lives. Not only is your writing superb - but you are BORN storytellers. And that is a skill/talent - which not everyone has to the extend as you do. Very cinematic appeal - once you are published - this will make it to the silver screen. You'll see :)

There is a story behind the story in this book: a story of two wonderful sisters, who are highly intelligent, caring for their town - and know how to make us care for them :)

Backed with utmost pleasure!

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

This is the kind of book I'd buy and keep in my personal library. I love a well written story about the past and this is definitely one. Even if written by two authors the writing is seamless and speaks with one voice.
Backed
Karen B

Greetings Jeannine DeLine & Bobbi L'Huillier, or delhui for short:, Many many thanks for your support--and for writing so well in the Southern gothic tradition. (I must be thinking of Faulkner's "Intruder in the Dust.") This one will definitely see print! BACKED

Bill Carrigan
THE DOCTOR OF SUMMITVILLE

Nice narrative voice, convincing male narrator even though it is written by two women. The setting, including the time period, seems believable. It's nice that you didn't include only obvious '60s references, as that would have gotten old fast.

Didn't have time to read all the chapters you have up, but enough that I can tell your writing is worth backing. Kudos, I look forward to coming back later and reading more.

DOUG (No work currently posted for review)

Hi you two,
Wow! Your novel; the dialogue, setting and descriptive paragraphs put me right there. So much so that it is completely believable. Gritty and convincing. The few chapters I read displayed great flair and if the rest of the book is the same then what a fantastic read it will be.
I am curious how the two of you write together, however you do it it is an great achievement.
Well done

Tension (the poker game), high stakes, has probably been done before but it is effective. Turns of fortunes. Twists "good news/bad news." Good concrete details. Story rings true or at least not improbable, yet interesting. Good use of suspense. This story seems to have it all together. I will back it ASAP.

I think all the comments I could make have already been made - Harper Lee sprang to my mind too. Backed with pleasure

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

I think all the omments have already been made - Harper Lee came to my mind when I was reading. Backed with pleasure

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Could this be another American classic? Perhaps. This is an intruiging, small town tale that promises big town drama. Not the sort that blows up in the readers face, but the creeping kind that forces the reader to stay up late to see what happens next. Although there are two authors of this tale, I can see no difference in the writing. Jane and Jamie are both charming, despite being almost polar opposites. Well done with this!

Marissa
By Flame's Light

Wow, the poker game is sexy, and the talk rough. I felt I was in a seedy place, full of beer, music, sex and gambling. But oddly, the writing doesn't make it feel like a crass place. Maybe it's the touch of perfume. Backed.

Hey girls, It's Melissa and Amanda from Burns Like the Sun. LOVING your dialogue and descriptions. We're totally backing your book and will read more soon!

A powerful story with the distinct feel of an American classic. The plot is intricate, well constructed and you seem to be revealing it at just the right pace. The characters - particularly Jamie and Jane are complex and realistically flawed creating a strong empathy in the reader. You include some wonderful turns of phrase and metaphor which not only increase the reading pleasure but create suspense and a sense of lurking menace just under the surface of this otherwise ordinary little town.

Simon, CONNECTED

Your pitch is reminiscent of Catcher in the Rye, a wonderful book and great film with Gregory Peck. Chapter one- here the similarity ends! Immediately we discover what kind of man Jamie is and we meet Calvin, another guy caught between the great divide, if we are not mistaken. Your use of the language, does anyone say coloured anymore?, is wonderful and very much of the time. The story flows, the scenic imagery grand. My cousins, black, used say "what am I green or orange? No I'm black, you're white but we are all the same under the skin." I like to think you're book is sending the same message. Congratulations ladies, it's definitely a winner! More please
Backed
Millie x
Crown of Thorns