HIDDEN

Kami, wow, this book is brilliant! I absolutely loved it. I had originally intended to just read a few chapters to get a feel for the plot and style, but I was completely hooked, captivated from beginning to end! I love the way that both of the stories develop and draw you into the mystery, both are told in such an engaging and interesting way that they really held me. I loved the format of the chapters, I loved the characters and their escapades, the depth of relationships and the absolute "edge of the seat" suspense. Brilliant! I can't back it twice but I'm gonna keep you on my bookshelf. I really hope this gets published, best of luck.
Rachael
Dreamscape

I read all that you had posted because it was awesome and fascinating and I want to know what happens next! BACKED.

Finished it! Loved it! Can't back it again, but I would if I could!

So how frigging outstanding is this book?! Riveting and compelling - absolutely brilliant! Id buy this -young adults will devour it. Backed easily!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Finally getting around to commenting on this, I kept coming back and reading more. I think you've got something special here. Very unique and well written! There is a good flow to the writing and it keeps the reader involved. The characters are awesome too. Hell, I just liked everything about it and I want to know when you upload more!!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

HIDDEN
This is a good story. You have a wonderful main character in Maddy. She’s likable because she’s so feisty; she’s sympathetic because of the bad way she’s treated. I like the way you show she has friends to support her; a good way to show she’s not the one at fault here. I think your target audience of young adults will easily relate to Maddy and like this a lot. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

I really enjoyed reading this. Madison seems like the kind of girl who is her own worst enemy. She is fiery and mouthy but there is a soft side too in her love and protective feelings towards her brother. I felt sorry for her having a foster father like Trevor. He seems to be taking his frustrations out on her and this leads to resentment on both sides. All she wants is a normal life for her and her brother. Poor Angie, she is stuck in the middle. I thought your writing style is good and the characters strong. I only have a couple of nitpicks.
When the teacher slaps Madison surely there would be a red mark that the headmaster would see?
I wasn't keen on the phrase pulsed like peppery treacle. I just couldn't imagine what that looked like.
Overall a great book. I would be interested to read more when you post further chapters. Good luck with this.

Kim (Pain)

It hooked me. Nice tension. Good character development. The "long lost relative of a rich person" is a bit overdone and thus unbelievable for me, but the younger set will probably like it. Good luck.

Am I missing something? Where's the rest? PLEASE put more up, I want to know what happens!! Really enjoying it. Backed. *****

Backed :-)

Hi Kami

I enjoyed the first two chapters of your book and it's staying on my watchlist. Your characters are engaging and I look forward to finding out what happens next. Good stuff!

Marie

HIDDEN

Kami K,

Absolutlely wonderful. ***Six stars***

This is a great read! Will happily put it on my real bookshelf, it's already on my authonomy one so now it needs a boost! Good job. six star rating. :-)

This is good. Your characters are vivid and their actions are perceptive. There are a few *very* small pieces that caught my eye, focusing on realism:

"he felt as though he should like to sleep". feels long, 'like to' could be omitted or the 'he' verbs could be combined.
"do well to listen, my girl". the word 'my' doesn't fit with the woman's dialogue. Speaking of which, describe Haggis' face sooner. All I see is her knuckles and know she's an old cow. Right after it flushes purple would be perfect.
"looked back at Maddy in fear". add 'sudden' before 'fear' or something like it. I need a transition, some extra words to keep consistent with the pacing. Have Haggis pause and think somewhere before she commands Maddy not to tell anyone. It's happening too fast. She needs time to register the situation, especially if she's an old cow.
"she daren't risk'. make this 'dare not'. I like interesting contractions but you need an extra syllable here to keep beat.
By the way, the story's getting good now :) Maddy's suspension has me hooked and reading. Good start.
"She'd told her friends some of what happened, but hadn't dared tell them..." You use 'her friends' in the sentence right before, and use 'told' here twice. Cut it down. Maybe "She'd told them some of what happened, but hadn't dared mention"
"headed to the least busy section." 'headed' doesn't suggest her arrival. "went' would do.
"Fifteen minutes later". please add another paragraph before this to pass some of the time. Maybe hint how the alcohol made things blur together and have her lose track while talking to the boy.
"it's just a friggin book!". toss 'just'. His temper is raising too fast with it. Perhaps include one more line of his and Maddy's back and forth before giving in. Your patience is fantastic, but one more would perfect it.
You can take or leave all this by the way. Just my personal thoughts.

End of the chapter: Great, I want to know what's going to happen to Maddy! It's not her life; what is? The pacing, the character interactions, all extremely impressive. Whatever I haven't mentioned is probably perfect. This has potential. If the story unfolds anywhere as good as the beginning I hope to see it moving up soon!

Joel Juedes- Purple Eyes

Really powerful prologue. Great action-love the dialogue about the uniforms. As a former junior high teacher, I can see teenage girls reading this after a test, after done w/homework, during quiet reading time, etc. and then talking about it to their friends. Also think adults would like it too. Great job-5 stars
Dina of Halo of the Damned and 33

I like your brief description. You've mastered the art of less is more. Backed and look forward to read.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and 33

Read the first chapter and so far, so good! The only real problem I had was with Mr. Gordon's dialogue - it's very stiff and unbelievable. It doesn't sound like the way a person would actually talk. Besides that, my only other complaint - albeit minor - is that it seems rather slow and drawn out. I wish it would get to the action a bit quicker instead of dawdling around. You can edit this down just a bit in my opinion and tighten up the first chapter. Spelling and grammar looks to be fairly solid, but I wasn't really looking that closely to spy very minor errors. This is stuff that is inconsequential right now. You have a good start on your hands!

Adding it to my watchlist so I can read the next few chapters once I have some spare time, but in the meantime, if you could take a peek at my novel Light, it would be much appreciated!

added to my watchlist to read further at later date. if you could give me some feedback on mine would much appreciate. excited to read the rest!

enjoyed reading and added to my watchlist to read at a later date. wondered if you would peek at my book and give me some feedback r/t us being in similiar genres. thanks.
kendra ziems/autumn lullaby

Really enjoying this story, will back with pleasure and read on!

Really enjoyed the first chapter and will definitely be coming back for more. The dialogue is excellent and right on target for young adults. Not sure about using "gonna" as a verb outside of speech, i.e. "Trevor was gonna freak" but that's just a personal thing. Will stick on my watchlist and back it once I have room. Look forward to reading more.
Carol.

great cover, intriguing pitch and a story to entice

Dear Kami,
I really like the opening chapter of your book.
You certainly have a pulse on the YA dialogue and capture our current time really well.
The character of Maddy is appealing and makes a real connection with the reader. I like the way she is rebellious against her circumstance but you show her compassionate side by the relationship she has with her younger brother, endearing the reader to her even more. You just want her life to improve and become how she envisages it should be.
I'm sure you will touch a nerve with your intended audience and older readers alike.
I will watchlist for now and star rate, I intend to come back for more.
Cheers Jacoba

Hi Kami
I was really disappointed that chapter eight ended. I want to know what happens next! I think Maddy is an interesting character and although I found myself on her side I also found myself irritated by her occasionally for being such a madam (guess that's because I'm the mother of a teenage girl so I'm coming at this with a specific viewpoint).
Ben comes across as sweet and I just wondered if, although he is excited by the move, he wouldn't be a bit uneasy too at first?
Trevor is beautifully written- what a slimeball!
This is going on my bookshelf
Regards
Janet

A very interesting story. Definitely marketable for the YA audience. Rated high and on my watchlist!

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

BACKED! I can't wait to find out what happens next. Crossing my fingers in hopes this gets published soon so I don't have to wait. I was immediately hooked to the story and I love the characters and the back-and-forth between the two times, places and main characters...what a great idea for a story, and carried out so beautifully.

This is an intriguing -- and very different -- premise on which to base a story, and its naturalistic dialogue and well-executed delivery promises to make this book extremely appealing to its target audience.

My only feeling of disquiet comes from the fact that, in this country, minors under the age of 18 cannot legally hold property but, then, given the fantastical element of the story, a little artistic licence covers a multitude of reality sins and allows me to back 'Hidden' with pleasure.

Kami

Hidden - A theme of scarcity versus excess, staged very dramatically, and the adventure hasn't even started yet. Teens will love this. Maddy does herself proud. She's quick on the uptake, and I expect this story to take surprising turns. The writing flows. The story had me hooked. Just refreshing a comment from months ago and also catching up with rating this well. Best success, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

I read all eight chapters of this and couldn't fault it. Good characterisation, pacy plot, and a good sense of period and location. Great mystery and suspense. I hope you get a publisher soon.

Well written. Had me hooked from the start. Backed and rated.

Cat
Lies & Love

Hi Kami,
When I read your pitch I really hoped the writing would live up to my expectation. Oh, yes - it does. What a unique way to introduce Madison as she's being raked over the coals for her attire and attitude at school. Everybody's going to be on her side, of course, and that's the point. Lovely descriptions and realistic dialogue take me flawlessly through the chapter. Poor Maddy has bigger issues that just that snobby Headmaster. By the end of the chapter--after meeting her friends (for want of a better term), getting groped by Trevor, and then the awful party and yet another disgusting boy--she believes her life is one big mistake. I'm totally bonded to her by then. Maybe it's because she loves Jonathan Livingston Seagull and takes a big risk just to take the book out of the library. Maybe it's because she wants affection, but the guys want more. Maybe because nobody understands what's in her heart. For all these reasons, I am committed to her by the end of the chapter, and desperately want her to get a break in life. I can't wait to see how this happens. The story is beautifully polished and deeply connected to human nature. High stars and a place on my shelf soon.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

Dear Kami: I love your Hidden!! Just my kind of reading; I'd buy it in a second so I have backed Hidden and given it a high rating. I hope you get published soon, so I can have my own copy to read and reread. If you have time, would you take a look at my Castle of the shimmering Sands and offer your opinion?

This is a good book. Maddy is a strong sympathetic character, who has many issues she has to work through, but her protective attitude towards her brother is a definite plus. Her background of rejection is presented well without being overdone. Jesselowe

Outstanding, I'll be reading this for a bit.

Dear Kami

Enjoyed reading the rest of this reworking of the vampire story. The MC of Maddie and Alexandre are well judged and the action never stops. You build the tension well with the searching in 19th century cappodacia and the cellar of a country home in England. Maddies character shines out through the action - she is a very 21st century heroine. Some of the scenes are rather gruesome but the plot rattles along at a good pace and the meeting between Alexandre and Maddy is a high point in the story. There subsequent love affair and teamworking to foil the designs of the 'baddies' is entertaingly done. I suggest that the scenes where Alexandre is taken shopping/introduced to her friends/ experiences 21st century life for the first time are developed for comedy value to balance the tragic and violent heart of the story. Some of your themes are similar to those in the film 'An American Werewolf in London' and that had great balance between romance/horror/violence /comedy etc. I know that this is a trilogy with more plot to be revealed but the energy of the story is super with Maddie in particular developing into a great lead character.Ill be shelving it again

regards

Brian

Hi Kami,

The pitch and theme and plot of this are excellent. It's a good story. Love her choice of book. Jonathan Livingston Seagul. This shows the reader a lot about her.

There are a few, easy to solve problems with your prose.

(1) There is too much unnecessary telling. EG 'Angie looked cross.' You don't need this. The dialogue is enough for the reader to know she's cross.
(2) It is overwritten in parts. The scene with Maddy's friends after school goes on a bit too long. It's an important scene becuse it shows she's got friends and is not a loner.
(3) In the scen with Haggis, would she really call Maddy a 'little madam' and 'young lady'? when obviously, in her opinion, Maddy is rubbish.
(4) While the dialogue in the scene with the headmaster is natural, the dialogue with Haggis, sounds a little forced.

But it's a good story and I'm putting it on my WL.

Best wishes,

Joanna

Kami,
I'm happy to back your book again, and keep it on my shelf for a week or so. With this new system, you need the books to stay put for a whille to gain more points, and your is one I really enjoyed. I love the way you jump right into the frey of Maddy's life. You've done a great job here. Backed, again!
Robin Leonard
The Heritage Series, Bloodline

I really enjoyed your writing, I loves the characters, the style of writing and everything that goes along with it. The title too is a bit of a hook in itself because everybody loves a secret. Lots of luck with your book.

Jo G

Hidden - An interesting pitch and a challenge to see how the author would treat two different periods in time before drawing them together. The first chapter is set in modern times and begins with conflict. The dialogue is believable, especially that between Madison and her foster father, her worries about leaving her brother if she is thrown out and seeking comfort at the party. On the whole Madison's attitude is well observed as are the settings, both having realism within the context. The second chapter makes a really stark contrast between acceptable behaviour, dress and speech of a much earlier period, which is no doubt cleverly done for precisely that reason. Alexandre's 'faux pas' and the subsequent fall out from his action highlights this to the enth degree, although I don't think Didier would refer to Bouvier as 'his boss.'
The author's prose will appeal to young adults as will the developing story.

Child - Atramentus Speaks

This is riveting and well-written. YAs will absolutely love it. A great plot and the story moves along really easily. Well done. Backed. All the best with it, Katherine - The Quizzical Wizards of Id.

Dear Kami K

Have enjoyed your two enchanting stories and guessing how they will converge.Your accomplished writing has no false notes and is very surefooted. The independent minded and rebellious Maddie is a perfect MC. I hope that Alexandre deserves her when they eventually meet.But how can they meet? They are living over a century apart! We really are now at the end of your pitch so what is about to happen is currently 'hidden' from us. You have led us to an archaeological dig at freakish Cappodacia, with its abandoned rock monasteries, the birthplace of our own St George and also to a twenty-first century teenage houseparty in a gloucestershire village. I look forward to seeing everything come together and admit that at present I have no incline as to how you are going to manage this. Imaginative plot, great dialogue, well drawn characters and a real page turner. Please upload more soon.

regards

Brian

I love the way this story begins. You jump right into the frey of things. Its fantastic. I can't wait to keep reading. Do you plan to upload more chapters? Backed with enthusiasm!

Robin
The Heritage Sereis, Bloodline

A nice start so far as it goes. Just enough mystery to keep a YA reader involved. It's not yet clear in this selection how the two storylines are going to converge, and we haven't yet gotten into the cellar mentioned in the pitch, but presumably that follows along the lines already revealed.

The plot strikes me as a touch contrived, but a young mind won't worry about that. The dialogue sounds like young people, not an adult trying to write like young people. The descriptive narrative is usually apt.

My only concern - and this is so common in YA stories I read on this site - is that there are a lot of English mistakes - in your case, particularly punctuational use. Young people are learning proper usage (at least we hope it's proper) from the books they read, and we want to be especially sure to get things right. It's hard enough for adults to have to winnow their way through word misusages and incorrectly placed commas trying to figure out what the author means - an effort which diminutes the "suspension of disbelief" necessary to the reading of fiction - but it's even more critical for younger readers.

Endorsed on the presumption that the book continues along the same lines... always a guess, but I'm feelign "endorse" here. Good luck!

I'm 24 years old now, but my preferred genre has always been young adult. I'll never age older than about 15 I suppose haha...and your story right here is the exact reason I'll never grow out of reading young adult novels. Great job, I hope you make it on to the editor's desk...this deserves to be looked at by them. Good luck :)

Hidden begins with the trials and tribulations of rebelliously-minded schoolgirl Maddie and her problems with her teachers and foster parents. Without the pitch it might seem like a regular YA high school drama but its much more. Complete change of pace in chap 2, time and scenery too. Back to Maddie and the mysterious lawyer shows up throwing some interesting light on her background, and a few quid her way too. A very promising book indeed, exciting, energetic and dynamic.

John O'Brien - Other Face

This book compels the reader to want to learn more. It has an outstanding premise and very emotionally connected characters. I enjoyed the first chapter very much, thank you for sharing this with all of us. Wish you the best of luck with this endeavor. Backed. Mariah

On reading the second half of this novel, I absolutely love it. Its brilliant! kept me hooked all the way through, and I was on the edge of my seat for much of it. A great style of writing, an interesting story structure and wonderful characters added to a brilliant plot make this possibly the best book I have read on Authonomy! I have emailed you with more detailed comments, but didn't want to spoil the story for anyone who hasn't read the end yet!
I really hope this gets published, it really deserves to.
Roll on The Editors Desk, best of l;uck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Brilliant.. The kids will devour it. The modern teenage problems and those of another era. Plus vampires and hidden tombs and 4 x 4's wrenching off doors - what more could one ask! Seriously good book. I was a bit worried about the alternating time periods which seemed to go on for many chapters, I presume they do join up in the end - in the cellar presumably. Dialogue very authentic, settings very well done, backed with great ease Jaye

Very cool book! This should do very well indeed!
Great writing, your dialogues are brilliant, very natural. Easy to read and to be pulled into!

Backed,

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Kami, wow, this book is brilliant! I absolutely loved it. I had originally intended to just read a few chapters to get a feel for the plot and style, but I was completely hooked, captivated from beginning to end! I love the way that both of the stories develop and draw you into the mystery, both are told in such an engaging and interesting way that they really held me. I loved the format of the chapters, I loved the characters and their escapades, the depth of relationships and the absolute "edge of the seat" suspense. Brilliant! I can't back it twice but I'm gonna keep you on my bookshelf. I really hope this gets published, best of luck.
Rachael
Dreamscape

Backing with pleasure!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

Most excellent writing, very easy and natural. Not my usual style or type of book but I started to get caught up in the telling. That 'tells' me something. Backed.
Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

Great pitch, well written.

Backed with pleasure.

Suz

A very compelling read

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Hi Kami
Nice dialogue, sounds quite realistic.
BACKED
Good Luck

I would appreciate it you could take a look at God of the Cocoa and see what you think. If you think it deserves it, please back it. Thanks

Marilyn Rodwell