With Such Enemies

Hello Vreneli:

I like this novel because it models utmost integrity in righting wrongs and making honorable choices. I have added this to my watchlist.

Blessings to you.

James

Hello! Just read your first chapter. You get right into your main story line right away by beginning with the father's death and having Andrew leave for Virginia. You've also revealed very early on that Andrew has a sense of justic and right and wrong. This is evidenced by his decision to try to pay back his father's debts. I would reccommend shortening some of your sentences, especially in the first paragraph. Also, it seems surprising to me that Ralph would lend Andrew such a large financial sum. Do the two characters know each other very well? Thanks for sharing your work and for your support. Really appreciate it. Take care!
Jonie

Hi there,
Just finished your first chapter...very impressive. Great flow, easy to follow. Starred highly and will be back to read more!
Best regards, Ruby

You have a real talent for characterizations, especially Andrew. Another positive is the pacing and the way you draw the reader right in so smoothing and compel them to keep reading. The interest of the neighbors is handled very well, the analysis - so to speak, but you also have tongue-in-cheek humor, subtle and not over done. I am shelving this a nd starring it as well. Reads like a work already published. Great job, Vrenelli! Henry

I like how the characters feed off of each other, the discussion is real, which is hard to accomplish. I'm still reading, but have enjoyed much of what I have read. I feel for Andrew, he reminds me a lot of myself. Very good Character buildup.
j.b.wendel

Hi vrenelli, good reading, I'm in the second chapter. Its very suspenseful, If you get time, please take a look t mine, you turn, thanks, Lynne

Great work Vreneli........ Amazingly good writing and definitely worth a backing
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Ingenous. Riveting. A superbly tangled story. Real characters. Crisp dialogue. Thought provoking narrative. Unique storyline. Spot on storytelling. Astute writing. An infectous read. Backed.

Hi Vreneli,
I read chapter one, enjoyed it a lot and thought it well-writteN and thought-provoking. Andrew and Ralph's conversation about A's debts exposed some strange goings on in business. I liked Andrew's reaction to losing his car ("the Nissan?"). His honesty also comes across well. Is Ralph's advice good advice? We'll have to see. I'm hooked and will read more.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

If you've time to look at Little Krisna, I'd appreciate it.

Dear Vreneli
What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished. I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Hi Vreneli. Part of my purpose on Authonomy is to back Christian writing that I think has merit. To that end I’ve read parts of your "With Such Enemies" and backed it. You've put together a realistic but still dramatic story, and the writing serves it well. I particularly thought the dialog has a natural feel to it as you develop it.
My other purpose here, of course, is to support my own book, so I invite you to take a look at “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, it’s bound to have happened somewhere)”, a parable of suffering and struggle told through humor.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

Hi Vreneli
This is a well polished piece of writing. I felt my heart sink with Andrew's as he learnet the reality of the situation he was in. You've also given the reader a few hooks, enticing them to read on and find out more about Andrew's father and how Andrew is going to get on. Great for the genre and beyond.
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is a gritty, realistic YA. Andrew's emotional depth is brilliant, and you convey it so perfectly .That shows a great dceal of strength in the writer. There's an excellent balance that should appeal to your target market and beyond.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

I like Andrew. You show his depression and shock very well. But depite this being because of his father's business dealings, he doesn't blame him and in the midst of everything mourns him rather than the fact that he can no longer afford an expensive car.
I had a lump in my throat when he couldn't afford fifty bucks for a lantern. But I was excited about reading your description of Winchcombe Valley because I visited the English equivalent in the Cotswolds last weekend.
You describe scenery beautifully - not overdone but clear and atmospheric.
I'm eager to know how things work out. Will back this while continuing to read. Lynn

read, liked and backed, with pleasure!

Good luck


Emma Philips
The Dark Intruder

Mmm I like this!
I think you develop Andrew perfectly. What I do like is the plot it has a very authentic feel to it. You set scenes well with descriptive narrative. Yes I like how this is growing. – Good luck.

Spectacular Book Title and plug. I am drawn into the story of Andrew just by reading your introduction, which I think is very important if you are too keep the readers attention. I want this to be a best-seller!

Rob

You evoke genuine emotion here for Andrew and his situation. The sins of the father angle is good as is how the community sits as judge, jury and executioner based on hearsay. Well done.

Vreneli,

I really like what you have done with this story. I only read the first two chapters, but by the end, I truly felt for Andrew. The other characters were just as believable, and the dialogue was well crafted. I think there are some good lessons to be learned in the story about honoring parents even after they are gone. Such lessons are greatly needed in today's society. You have my backing.

Gregory James

your dialogue helps this on the way. this is a good idea, that's flows and is easy to follow...on wl
su dan...read SEASONS...

Hello, this is a copy and paste comment as I am extremely busy during May and June with my Creative Writing edits and have no time to take notes and comment in depth in my usual way.

I have read a chapter of your book and am backing it because I love it - like it or can see potential.

In the spirit of the site, if this is a return read, thank you for your backing, it is much appreciated. If not, I ask that you might find time to take a look at my book, An Unbreakable Bond. There is no need to comment, unless you feel you must, but I would be grateful for a backing if it falls into any of the above categories for you.

May I also recommend: Impeding Justice, by Melcom

It is a fast paced thriller and is hot footing it to the eds desk. Let’s help this hard working, dedicated site member to achieve this. Thank you, my every good wish for success with your work, Love Mary.

PS: Do forgive me for having to do this, I will be back in force in July and if you particularly want an indepth comment, email me at mary.wood18@yahoo.co.uk and I will do my best to oblige.

Vreneli, there's a good mix of dialogue in that first section. Since the opening paragraph is heavily scrutinized, I would probably do away with either "thinning" or "faded", as they essentially mean the same thing.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Your highly descriptive writing style makes this highly emotional and finely crafted story a pleasure to read. Your work is well paced, well written and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Vreneli, The conversation between the brothers is amusing and reveals their differing perspectives. Andrew’s musing over the problem and deciding to take on his father’s debts is convincingly done. The writing is brisk and the interiors probing to their dilemma. Good outset! Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Such a rich, emotional story. I like seeing something that steps away from the popular fantasy and sci-fi that populates the site and give us just a bare bones human interest story. Andrew is a wonderful character, I liked him immediately. It's also very well written, I don't read much Christian fiction but I'd have been tempted to buy this so I could read from beginning to end. I couldn't find anything in here I didn't like.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Nice start. good dialogue. Easy to envision the characters. Good job!

Hello Vreneli. I liked your pitch. You have a good character in Andrew and your story really portrays how awful it is for him to be tarred with the same brush as his father. I liked your style of writing, it is easy on the eye. I wish you the best of luck with this! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

This is very accessible and clearly written. It's a great pitch - simple but effective as all good pitches should be. your writing style is fluid and your dialogue sharp. Poor Andrew. Yes, I am delighted to back this.
carl
The Time hunters

Yeah, this is a situation that too many people have found themselves in, grief compounded by economic woes and responsibility.

Sorry for the late comment. I backed this a few days ago.

Good Luck
Natalie

A good balance exists between dialogue and descriptive prose. The chapter titles might be expanded slightly to convey more precise contents to be expected. The writing is excellent. Backed. Chuck, (Paperboy Adventures)

Loved the short and the long pitch. The start is a great hook for the premise and gets the plot going.



Julie Farkas
Morning Call

Backed with pleasure, E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Thanks, Vreneli, for shelving Seka. So far I've read the first chapter of With Such Enemies, and I like it. I appreciate your honesty about not having time to do much reading. I'm new to authonomy, and I'm finding it's taking a lot of itme from my writing as well. Some of the comments have been quite helpful, though, and I really am enjoying some of the manuscripts. I will keep reading yours and give you feedback along the way. Your grammar is great, by the way.
Sharon
Seka

I feel so much empathy for Andrew what a situation to be left in and he is trying to sort it and move on. This should be a popular read as it is typical human interest and quite emotional in parts. It is well written and executed and has an appealing cover.

Backed,

Lisa

Very nice cover art and a great pitch that draws the reader in. Good job! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Very nicely done. I was drawn into the story and came back for more.

MM

This is my kind of read - started it earlier today but I keep coming back to it! You are a talented writer and this is a book I would buy. BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

SUCH ENEMIES
I think stories about a child coming home after being away for years is always an intriguing plot because it invariably leads to the discovery of family secrets that otherwise would not be revealed. This story reveals secrets in two dimensions: the open ones about the father’s reputation but also deeper hidden ones that stain the father/son relationship even further. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt)

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Dear Vreneli
Your book inspires and threads a fine path. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of writing is unique and offers up a treat. It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed
The Lord of the Dawn. Beyond 2012.

Dear Vreneli, I love how the 4 year boy sang. :) Also the church scene was very well done. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

Vreneli

With Such Enemies - Andrew is an endearing character who seems to go along with what fate brings his way after his father's death, apart from debts, which he wants to pay off, and a decrepit old house he didn't even know existed. I like the unfolding of this story with the undercurrents of suspicion his new neighbours greet him with. They know something he doesn't. They want him gone. They ponder whether Andrew knows what's in store for him, or not. Either way, they want him gone. The subtle humour grew on me. An enjoyable read.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

enjoyed the story, nice writing style, backed John Warren Lasting Images, please review, jw

Welcome aboard, Vreneli. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your first comment. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. With the long pitch, expand upon the story arch and break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question instead of several to pique interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key