The Character

Hi Tiffini. starred and shelved. great voice: compelling, fascinating, and yet you stay within the mind of a 10-year old.
full kudos.
here's a very picky micro editing thought that may strike a chord.
opening para:
"I have lots of them. I always have. I probably always will." - maybe delete the "I' at the start of the third sentence or even 2nd and 3rd sentences?

very best wishes, andy

Of course, it must read, because you narrated a life of a girl and her sufferings. How a birth suffers pain unless that birth has protection right from childhood. This novel is moving ahead on this style. Your depiction is deserving applauds.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

There are a lot of books like this on Authonomy, too many. A sad indictment on our society. I confess I have been less than kind with most of them. This is the first one that achieves the near impossible balance between (in my humble opinion) an author's story, and a victim's story. There is enough cool writer's detachment here - and skill- to make me feel empathy and not sympathy. The writer comes across as an author, not a victim. In so doing, similar victims are well served - by writer's talent, which lingers, and not Kleenex, which we throw away. Most commendable. A great start. Four Better Four Worse

The Character.

A determined, sensitive and talented pen captures the voice of a ten year old, to build the strength of narration on the authenticity and sincerity of the tone on a topical subject.

The sheer innocence of the ‘speech’ makes its double entrendres goose-pimply. “Daddy I hard to say no to … mama has told me not to talk to strangers”: spine chilling, pithy sentences with a minimum of fuss.

The interspersion of the present tense reveals a controlled use of language for effect, focusing on the strength of the past over the present to reveal the turmoil of inner feelings unraveling.

It has been meticulously plotted, and at first view, revised.

Parables and allegorical segments are put to good use

The Character will sit with the best of this genre.

Backed with deep respect for courage, sensitivity and talent.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

This is a compelling, disturbing story. Thought provoking. Believable characters. Vivid scenes. Sharp descriptions. Convincing dialogue. Confident writing. Backed.

Deeply disturbing but so much a part of life to-day that we need to be aware of. Well done and thank you for having the courage to write this story. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

P.s. I'm BACKING your book also. :) Your backing didn't show up on my site. I'm not sure why. But I'm BACKING yours now. Have a great day!

- Scott

This is a story that needed to be told and you did it in the right way. The voice in which you tell the story is just right, and although disturbing to hear, this is something that needs to be out there so that kids who may have gone through similar circumstances know that they're not alone. You've done a great job telling it.

Thank you for reading part of The Ark of Humanity. I am a devout Christian also and so I tackled the book with that fact behind it. My hope is that after reading my book, through the things that I worked into it, people's faith will be strengthened.

I wish you best of luck with this because it deserves to go far and I can do a lot of good. Have a fantastic and blessed day!

- Scott Toney, The Ark of Humanity

I can tell you as a highly experienced teacher that the YA audience would lap this up. Excellent fare.

BACKED

The Character - not sure about the title, but the pitch is good, and so's the writing.
Prologue-
Good strong voice from the start - (though first para coulod be cut down - it's a bit repetitive and convoluted - which I think comes from trying to hard with the voice - you donn't need to, you've got it)
There's good tension under the surface, anxiety provoking
My only other gripe is that I felt - nervous/ a little nervous / I wasn't sure about this - all sound like an older voice -
But well done.
Simon
charlie Marconi
Ch 2,4, and 6, of my book are told from an 8 year old's POV - (I'm thinking she might be better being 9 or 10?) - would you have a look at a cuople of pages and let me know?
thanks
simon

Hi Tiffini

You write extremely well and credibly. I could hardly bear to read it. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Hi Tiffini. Wow. A story need to be told - you tell it well. Yes, as you say, a must read. Absolutely.

blessings to you
jim

T, great POV. fully realized. you navigate potentially difficult territory with conviction and ease. the story is "adult" yet you keep us in the child's head. kudos. more impressive is the writing itself: clean, telling and, despite the emotion, never overstated.
a VERY minor thought re formatting: perhaps post the chapters separately? i think you'll entice more auth readers with smaller chunks. and this deserves more readers.
very best wishes, andy

The child's voice sounds authentically young, despite that she is too sad and wise for her age, a product of experience, 'If I had stayed home instead, I wouldn't have one single good memory of Daddy'. This is handled with care, and more sensitivity than some other treatments I've seen of the subject. The girl's insecurities, the psychological damage are illustrated without exaggeration or drama, just the quiet desperation, the guilt and the shame slowly eroding everything in her life. The father manipulates her feelings with the cunning these kinds of people seem to have an instinct for.

It's an important subject, but not one that everyone will want to read about in a fictional account. I can see pros and cons. If it raises awareness and empathy, if it drives home the consequences, then maybe more people will be cautious with their children. But that's a danger too, that we wrap them up too safely, and eye all adults with suspicion. It's a balance, and I guess Ash is going to tip this firmly in the right direction ... backed.

Possible nits: 'my foot into my teeny shoe', omit 'teeny' as her shoe would be normal to her. 'I still had a few minutes ... I bend my head and start writing' sometimes the tenses get mixed between past and present. Just occasionally, the child's voice lapses slightly, 'if I could get past my mother [mom]', and in the writing 'ain't' sounded unlike her.

Tiffini.

I want to handshake you personally for creating such a precious book as yours.
I am glad to have read this book in Authonomy because it contains life-changing stories. The first person narrative point of view seems to be very effective in unveiling the deep emotions of the persona. The choice of words and how they are used to describe every detail in the story makes the reader feel the pain, the emotional distress and the mental sufferings of the main character, Anna. Reading this book provides the reader with a window onto a ten year-old girl’s experience of shouldering the burden of being abused.
The novel reflects what abused children feel and how they get used to it. I was moved when Anna finds the strength and courage to overcome the abuse through her friendship with a mysterious storyteller. Despite being a sensitive subject, you avoided overly traumatic language and described the subject with grace. In the story, hope was achieved through special friendships which are free to each individual struggling with trauma. This book reminds the reader that friendship is an effective outlet to express your emotions and that it can transform your life as well.
Your book well deserves a spot on my bookshelf.

Fletch
STORIES FROM A LEAKING MIND

Tiffini,

Great prologue. Chapter one starts with a bit of a jerk, the context for the conversation doesn't come until after it happens, but it's well done.

This is striking, disturbing and brilliantly told. The child voice is perfect.

Backed.

Alot of people don't write about this situation because it's to touchy but I believe that people will read it. Good Luck.

I find reading about any kind of child abuse almost too much to bear. I have read enough to know you write beautifully.
Barbara

Brilliant. Backed.
Helen
The Last Dream

Perhaps I'm being presumptuous, but yours is a classic and striking example of art as redemption. Certainly I do not know if you or somebody close to you experienced the physical and psychological torment featured in your fine novel, but if you/they did, this book is a reverberating "I survived and shined!"

The book itself, so far, has rocked me to the core. Based on your bio, when your children (both so beautifully named!) are old enough to read your work, they will be: a) wildly impressed by their mama's creative and literary talent; and b) forever thankful for how lucky they were to have grown up in a house where purple paint and unconditional love were both applied quite liberally.

Backed with all my might.

Welcome to my shelf. You deserve that, and much more.

Best,

G
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

Perhaps I'm being presumptuous, but yours is a classic and striking example of art as redemption. Certainly I do not know if you or somebody close to you experienced the physical and psychological torment featured in your fine novel, but if you/they did, this book is a reverberating "I survived and shined!"

The book itself, so far, has rocked me to the core. Based on your bio, when your children (both so beautifully named!) are old enough to read your work, they will be: a) wildly impressed by their mama's creative and literary talent; and b) forever thankful for how lucky they were to have grown up in a house where purple paint and unconditional love were both applied quite liberally.

Backed with all my might.

Welcome to my shelf. You deserve that, and much more.

Best,

G
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

Tiffini - as you say: 'intense, painful', and this is only the beginning.
It's very well written so far, but we need to see much more of it to tell it will be a good book as a whole. It's been up here for more than a month now - will you be sharing more of this with us soon? Is the rest of it already written?
RT

Hi Tiffini
This is really well written. I lost myself in the story immediately. My heart was in my mouth as I reached the first 'abuse' scene. You've handled a delicate topical in a very professional manner and I found this both powerful and poignant. Best of luck.
DP Walker
Five Dares

A disturbing topic of course but you've done it in a very classy way, I think. I like your story, with Anna finding an inner strength and having her writing outlet. Not sure this is a YA read, although I think YA isn't what it used to be, as I'm finding out. A very touching read, great job.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

I don't quite know what to make of this Tiffini. Except that I couldn't stop reading.
You tell a very disturbing tale in an extremely innocent fashion.
The child - anna's story - is all the more powerful because of this.
Your approach is first class, and I dont really have much in the way of crtique - except maybe suggest you split the piece up into smaller chapters perhaps.
Backed with pleasure.
James.

Hi Tiffini,
this is a very difficult subject to read about, but your writing drew me into the story. You write well in the first person and your descriptions are clear and precise.

This is an important work and really should be read by all. Disturbing but everyone needs to know that this goes on.

Well done and I wish you luck.

Best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

You have captured something that evokes a lot of emotion. This is a very well told story with characters that feel very congruent and that in itself added to me as a reader getting involved in the story. – This has been put together very, very well!

The Character
Tiffini Johnson

Very persuasive writing. Difficult to read because of the subject matter. One's heart naturally goes out to the victim, fictional or not becasue we know child abuse is real. "I started writing down all that I could remember of Ash's story....I felt better now. For real. My body still hurt, and I was still afraid that there was more that daddy would want from me tonight. But I was better. Writing the story, remembering the story, made me smile." Effective writing and powerful fiction which I was happy to support. Best of luck in finding a publisher.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I started reading The Character... must admit to feeling a bit apprehensive.. however, I found the main character's narrative touching and in a way, it felt very truthful.. the writing is poetic and the subject matter is sensitively told...Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

I have added you book to my watch list and would be happy if you would consider looking at my, Under the Veil of Darkness.

A most compelling read anyone should be touched by the chldrens stories, the way they try to justify what happened to them be it sexual or violent abuse. I think this book could bring hope to many silent abused adults who can realise its not their fault, they arent bad and its not a secret to be kept but told to allow them to get on with their lives. This book deserves to do well its stories must be told. Briliant use of imagery and first person dialouge. backed with pleasure.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Heartbreaking but full of hope. Everyone should read this and if it empowers even one person, more power to it. Excellent.

THE CHARACTER IS a good story, written with great care and thought...well done...on my watchlist...
su dan...read SEASONS...

You are a natural writer and I admire that. I only have the one chapter is that correct? I would like to read on and I know this is going to be a good read. You show you are comfortable with conversation, stage setting and the color of your words, which paint your character well. I have just filled my shlef and will put this on my watchlist and it WILL go on my shelf to be BACKED.. Good luck. oh if you can read some of mine thanks

Hugely emotive subjective matter that made me shiver more than any horror novel on the site. Your wonderful prose takes us on an emotional rollercoaster from fury to sadness. This is a brillaint conceived book and Anna is fully realised - tender, vulnerable yet strong. It all makes for very disturbing but essential reading.
CArl
The Time hUnters

Hi Tiffini, The one happy memory of the Daddy is still affected by the narrator’s caution with him. You’ve portrayed this as it probably would be in real life – many scenes with the family and the mother and at school when the time of abuse is shorter but in subsequent scenes, has affected the child’s view of life. The scenes have strong dialogue and render other characters well, especially when the storyteller comes in with the bear tale. This not only shows the inside, it shows the exterior of such experience. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

A powerful and compelling book which is finely crafted, well paced and well written. I especially like the first person narrative and your character development of Anna is excellent. The dialogue is tight and realistic. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

No one should have to endure this kind of trauma. What has the world come to? Very intense, an important issue. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

16 May 2010
The Character presents an realistic exposé that breaches the reader's comfort zone. The writing is unemotional, but not without feeling, the pace appears relaxed but in a way moves forward relentlessly, and the prose is economical but still descriptively powerful. Certainly not an easy read, due to the feelings of sympathy and empathy it evokes, but definitely not one to be missed. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Hello Tiffini. You have a great voice and tell this heart rendering story so well. I think you are very brave to write on a subject that is important and I admire you for it. I wish you all the best of luck with this! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

V well written, hard and brutal story, but v nicely done, you handle it well. Backed

Nicely done. This is definitely a story worth telling, but damn hard to read and worse to live through. I knew a girl in the third grade who was abused by her mother and, like most children, suffered in silence and was afraid to tell anyone. She swore me to secrecy and as an adult I often what happened to her. Tough stuff and you handled in beautifully.

Best of Luck
Natalie

This is stunningly well-written and hugely emotional, a work spanning genres that makes the reader think - and that's a rare thing. It is an intense piece, and not easy to read, but it is an evocative and touching novel.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Oh my word. I wasn't expecting this at all. Extraordinarily well-written and terribly moving. But - questions. Is this really fiction? It reads like true life/non-fiction. YA it most certainly isn't. Until I know the answer to that first question, I'm not quite sure how to crit this...
But I do know it's exceedingly well-written and tugs the reader right in. It's published already? I'm not surprised.
Very happy to back you - though not quite sure why you are here as it's already out there and presumably flying!

An excellent read. Charcters and diolouge seem to invited you to turn to the next page. There and intensity and realism at the core of this manuscript. C W

I read this with tears streaming down my cheeks. It is such a different read looking at abuse through the eyes of a child. My mum used to foster kids and all of them had been abused, so we had to deal with moods and secrets, which was understandable.

This is reall nicely written and a pleasure to read.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

I liked this from start to finish. One suggestion I'd make is to shorten the paragraphs in certain areas, especially the ones where Ash is story telling. I wonder if Ash is a person Anna has created in her mind in order to fill her need for friends and for a comforting male presence.

Anyway, good luck with this, it's an overall good beginning. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

This is actually very good. I was surprised that I just kept reading, getting lost in this.

Good read.

Lockjaw

Hi everyone! First, let me say that I'm a bit overwhelmed at the sheer number of responses thus far to the story: thank you all so much for taking the time to read the first three chapters. For those of you who are interested in the entire story, it is available on amazon for $9.99. Secondly, it may take me a few days to get the gist of the site completely, and to read and comment (and back) all who have taken the time to read "The Character"---but that's exactly what I intend to do! Please give me a few days to respond to everyone's works individually and, again, thank you so much: please know that I take my writing very seriously and take into consideration everything said about it, especially since you've all written such thought-worthy comments on the book! As many (or most) of you seem to be writers yourselves, I'm sure you all know that having others read what you write is a true reward, in and of itself! :)_

Hi Tiffini,
I don't really know what to say. You have certainly got talent and the story itself is one that makes the reader stop and think. It is very deserving of shelf space.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).