Book Jacket

 

rank 2111
word count 10382
date submitted 11.05.2010
date updated 11.05.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Shadow's Heir

Hunter B.

With an empty throne at stake, a missing heir and a war on the horzion; drastic measures must be taken--even if you die doing it.

 

Lord Akoto knows that with the death of his former lover, the queen of Winter’s Heart, a war is coming to Reandì between them and the demonic Lord Shadow. Secrets of long ago plague him, including the confession of a “lost” pregnancy, and love doesn't seem so innocent as portrayed anymore. Caught between Darkness and Light, Akoto is among both enemies and allies and he must use tact if he’s to survive.

Only war will decide who lives and who dies in the end.

 
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Prelude to Darkness

June 4th, 466

Do you ever get the sensation that you are going to die soon? It’s a shiver crawling up your spine—a cold shiver, like the wind on a cold winter’s morning. I felt it on the day Donovan died in battle even though he promised he wouldn’t die. Just as the day he died, it feels as if something or someone will betray me.

 

Lucille put her pen down, closed her journal, locked it and put it away in the trunk. She turned back to the desk and sighed. Her writing desk smelled like oak and candle wax and was covered with papers she’d been trying to read. There was little light coming from the flickering candles. Her eyes trailed over them, watching the flames flicker and dance on their wicks. She smiled, but did not share in their imaginary mirth, her eyes remaining like orbs of polished sapphire glass. Leaning against the desk, she closed her eyes and imagined her king. But all she could conjure was the aftermath. 

Donovan’s body hanging listlessly, impaled upon the lance. Clothes blowing in the soft breeze that reeked with the smell of blood and death. Hair dark against ghastly bluish-gray skin. Beautiful eyes open and screaming of pain, of sacrifice. Mouth forever contorted in an expression of horror. The curve of lips, the roughness of calloused hands—so cold in death… 

Staring into the glass of wine she held in her shaking hands, a tear slipped down her cheek and fell into the glass, ripples disturbing the still, red surface. Lucille jumped. It had been a long time since she had cried, a long time since she showed any true emotion, hiding behind a courtier’s mask. Taking a large swallow and putting the glass down, she fixed her eyes on the paper in front of her, the words blurring in and out of focus. She looked up and sighed, putting down the paper. Lifting the glass again, she sipped and put it back down. A knock at the door caused her to look up from the smooth surface of the desk. “Yes?” she called.

“Your Majesty, I have the items you requested.” It was her maid. The queen sighed in relief and let her come in. Items were placed on the bed. “Will there be anything—”

“No,” Lucille replied quickly, “you may go.” With a curtsy, her maid scurried out, closing the door behind her.        

Lucille stood and walked to the bed. On it a sheathed blade, and a mail shirt. Donovan’s. Picking up the blade and shirt, she placed them in their proper places: the sword above the mantle, and the mail shirt on a wire frame. They shone with a new brilliance in the candlelight and Lucille turned away, collapsing on the bed, breathing in the scent on the bed sheets. She hated how Donovan’s scent had disappeared from the furniture, his clothes and finally from the sheets and pillows. Never had she felt so alone…so empty. She slipped into bed, hot tears making tracks down her cheeks.

The queen awoke to the sound of footsteps. Surrounded by goose-down pillows and cotton sheets, she blinked in the darkness and instinctively reached for Donovan’s hand. But Donovan was gone forever. She tried to keep the tears back but they flowed silently down her face. A crackling made her turn to the huge fire burning in the hearth, a familiar figure bent over it, moving the wood. “Akoto?” Her voice seemed too loud for her own ears and she groggily sat up, brushed away the stray tears, as Akoto turned and came to sit beside her. She rested her forehead on his shoulder and sighed, feeling him shiver as her breath met the warm skin there. He smelled clean like soap. His plain silk shirt looked freshly laundered, and there was a trace of his apple-scented aftershave. “How are you?” his voice—deep and silky, was genuinely concerned.   

She nearly laughed. “Not well, if that’s what you’re asking.”

He shifted away before she got too comfortable and reached over to the empty wine glass. “Just as I suspected.” He peered at the glass and nodded, stood, and walked over to the desk, picking up the black wine bottle, twinkling in the candlelight. Akoto’s dark breeches and brown calf-high boots complemented his tanned complexion, the candlelight almost giving him an unearthly golden glow as he studied the bottle. He turned the bottle in his hands to look at the label: Brocelment. A vintage. “Half gone.” He shook his head in disapproval, turning back. “Lucille, you—”

She startled him, stopping his sentence. “What are you doing here?”

Akoto’s dark eyebrows came together, “You have been up here for two days. If anyone is worried, it’s going to be me—”

“And Silver.” Lucille put in, naming Akoto’s wife.

“Yes, and Silver but—”

She cut him off again. “I haven’t been feeling well that’s all.” Lucille slid off the bed and snatched both the wineglass and bottle. “You, my dear sir,” she teased, pouring another glass, “worry too much.” She offered the glass, “Wine?”

Akoto sighed heavily, running a hand through his short, black hair. It curled slightly at the nape of his neck, the skin now turning a golden-brown from the candlelight. “Will you let me finish? You know perfectly well how I hate interruptions.”

“Carry on then.”

“Well, your mother did something like this, years ago…” Akoto said, crossing his strong arms over his chest, “She did it out of anger. Are you to repeat her actions?”

The queen sighed, taking a sip of the wine that was trembling in her glass. “I’ve heard it all before. What can I say? Like mother, like daughter.”

Akoto’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Why don’t you ever listen to me anymore?” There was anger evident in his voice.

“I do listen.”

Akoto groaned and dragged a hand down his face. “You’ve got to get a grip on yourself! It’s been a year already and you won’t let this grief go…someday this grief is going to kill you.”

She smiled. “No, it’s not, Akoto…I’m fine. Really, I am.”

“Lucille…next time you feel like drinking too much—first tell me.” He took the wine and wineglass—still full with the Brocelment and put them back on the desk.

“I’m a grown woman now, Akoto. I don’t need your guidance anymore.” She felt his hand rest on her shoulder, felt the bones in his fingers from the tenseness of his grip. There it stayed, warm and heavy. When he didn’t seem to move, she took a step forward, felt him take a step with her. Akoto sighed and murmured in her ear, “I know, but this—this is madness.”

“Leave me alone.” She shoved him away. A slight probing in her mind, soft and fierce made her own magic react, mental barriers blocking the entrance to her consciousness. She felt Akoto’s magic retreat and relaxed.

“I can’t leave you as easily as you think. You and I were bound in blood when you were born. The Bonding Ceremony, you know is a sacred Changeling rite that binds one Changeling to a monarch, to act as their protector.” “Me, Silver, and the Changelings. We dedicated our lives for your reign, for Donovan’s reign.”

Lucille sighed, turning back to face him, the barriers in her mind pushing harder against his continuing advances. “You don’t understand.” Her voice was quavering and she fought down the tears that were sure to return, “I’ve lost everything…”

“Everything?” He raised a questioning brow, “Oh, I won’t be so sure about everything…”

“I’ve lost a nation’s trust, my husband and…my baby.” She wrapped her arms around her abdomen, rocking on her heels. Her skin was cold like ice and Akoto knew it wasn’t from the breeze coming through the open window.

A baby? An heir? Lost? Dead? Akoto looked at her, surprised, and drew his hand from her shoulder. “When was it…” he swallowed, “lost?” his voice was emotionless. But for all his voice was, his heart was seized up in pain. It could’ve been his baby she had lost. He just wanted to know. Lucille glanced at Akoto, her eyes shining. He led her to the bed, coaxed her into sitting down. He sat beside her, fingers briefly grazing her cheek, almost lovingly. Akoto dropped his hand to his side. She took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly. “I…I don’t understand—” she began, but then a finger pressed against her lips, shutting her up. She leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her, trying to warm her chilled skin.

“Hush.” He couldn’t hear it, not now, not yet. Lucille just listened to the soft huskiness of his tone, a soft drawl that seemed to come from deep within his throat, and her heart thudded in her chest. She bent her head, watching her tears fall into his lap. Oh how desperately she wanted to tell him! Before she could say anything, she felt his hands pulling her away, fingers tucked under her chin forcing her eyes to meet his. A bright, molten gold. A deep, beautiful colour, Lucille thought. Akoto pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away the tears lingering on her cheeks.

“You should rest. It’s late.” She felt his weight lift from the bed and his footsteps faded to the hearth to stifle the fire, to the window to close it, to the desk to blow out the candles, and, finally, to the door. How she longed for him to say he loved her. To know someone cared. But she was being selfish. She’d been hoping too much. Akoto wasn’t the type to reveal his feelings too often. Then she heard him speak again over the crackle of the flames. “Goodnight.”

One, straightforward word so commonly used. But that was enough: He cared. His voice still carried that lovely drawling tone that told her all she needed, all she wanted, to hear.

She smiled faintly in the dark. “Goodnight, Akoto.”

“And don’t you think of touching that!” He added, his voice serious, gesturing to the wine bottle. Lucille laughed lightly and nodded. She heard him shut the door as he left. She sat up, climbing out of the bed. Sighing and snatching her leather jerkin, she fumbled with the many buttons, stuffed her feet into boots and quietly made her way to the stables.

She didn’t bother to saddle or tack Velvet. Riding bareback, she let the mare ride over the hills, numb to the kicked-up pebbles and mud that splashed against her back and face as she leaned down and rested her cheek against Velvet’s warm neck, feeling the blood pound in her ears. She let her body be lulled by that constant beat, almost like music.

Riding down around the narrow road that led to the forest, she smiled as she heard the howling of the wolf-humans.  There was a certain musical quality about Changeling wolf choruses that the queen found soothing. Sabetha, their new Alphess, emerged from the bushes, followed by her mate and their three pups. Seeing the pups crowd around Sabetha made her ache for Donovan, for children of her own. Stop it, she told herself, let it go.

As she watched them disappear, she led Velvet back to the path, the breeze carrying the heavy scent of wolf and fire. Suddenly she tensed. No, it wasn’t fire, it was magic. The metallic smell of Dark magic was coming closer. It stung her eyes and left the taste of copper in her mouth. Copper like the taste of blood. The mare reared, neighing in panic, the whites of her eyes showing. As Lucille tried to get the horse under control, she felt herself falling off, flying, as Velvet bucked and snarled. Lucille hit the ground with a cry and rolled down the slight hill, hearing Velvet’s hoof beats disappear.

Gasping, trying to gather her bearings, she sat up and studied her surroundings. Birch trees and pine trees surrounded her, as did the silence. Darkness enveloped her in its long clinging fingers, scratching away her courage. She moved and huddled against a tall birch tree, clutching its paper-thin, white skin. The smell came again, thick and strong. Drops of melted copper seemed to fall upon her lips, her skin, seemed to burn her. This was eerie, too unnatural. There were no birds flitting in the trees, no squirrels; not even any insects despite the weather being quite humid. Only the black silhouette of the trees, the whispering of wind and the scant moonlight. And that piquant scent of Dark magic. It chilled her skin, made her press closer to the tree. She closed her eyes, her cheek scraping against the bark. She longed for Donovan, longed for his soft fingers to brush her cheek, for his strength to chase away her fear, but she knew that longing would not be satisfied. She prayed desperately to any god that was listening that the Dark magic was distant, that it was just the darkness and the wine playing with her imagination. She pulled her legs up against her chest, shivering in the cold. Please, she prayed, don’t let it find me here.

A thick mist rose to wrap around the trees, and buried the path and her body in coils of white, kissing her suddenly sweating skin with cool, translucent lips. The moonlight stabbed though the black outline of the trees, stretching out the shadow and the light, distorting trees and familiar sights to abnormal sizes and shapes. All of a sudden, Akoto materialized by her side. He took her hand and shoved his own gold magic in front of hers, creating a wall. She couldn’t access her magic; the wall between their consciousnesses too strong to penetrate. “Rest.” he whispered, “Rest…” There was a strange forcefulness in his voice, a hidden authority. His voice sounded almost scratchy. None of the soft, deep tone he’d used moments before. She shook her head. It was nonsense. This was Akoto…nothing could be wrong now. He’d take her home. Wait. Lucille realized with growing horror. Materialized? He’s a Changeling—he has magic, he has power, but he can’t materialize anywhere! 

All thoughts of safety and home disappeared in an instant with this realization. She gasped as the form of Akoto shimmered, his hand still on hers. She tried to cry out his image fading as the face of a man with violet eyes and a bare, bloodied scalp slowly took his place. Akoto’s image had vanished. Lucille couldn’t scream, this man had taken her by the throat, pinning her against a tree with his twisted, broken fingers. As she writhed in panic, clawing at his hand, desperate for air, the man leaned over to whisper in her ear, his breath hot on her neck, “Remember my face, Majesty…for I will forget yours.”

Lucille glared at him; her eyes dark with anger, “Never will I submit to the Shadow!” she gasped in air. A glint of silver caught her eye. A stabbing pain raced through her body, followed by a sense of raw relief. The man laughed at her and watched as her face slowly relaxed. Lucille stared at the man in front of her, her eyes filling with tears. His violet eyes changed to an almost-beautiful wintry blue, glinting with malice. He smiled and twisted the sword. “You shall submit.” He growled, “And you will not be the only one to grovel, Majesty…” He cackled and left her there, the sword pinning her against the tree.

 

Thump. Thump. As his form disappeared into the dark, the queen gazed down at the long, silver blade glinting in the moonlight. Thump. Thump. She could hear her own heartbeat. It was a dull slow sound in her ears.

 

Lucille closed her eyes, trying to slow her labored breathing.  “Rest. Help is coming…just for a moment…just a moment…” She gasped and groaned softly in pain. She heard movement in the undergrowth. Then there was a shout. Her name. It was Akoto. The real Akoto. She called out, “Leave Akoto! …Please.  Just leave. Go, before the Shadow—” the queen opened her mouth to call out again, her voice a faint whisper, a stretch of breath between vocal cords… “finds…”

Thump. Thump.

She heard the whistle of an arrow.  Thump. Thump.

 

Thump—

Chapters

1

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djinnia wrote 620 days ago

fascinating start. i'm not sure where this is going, but i like akoto a lot. he attracts my attention with his angst and heartfelt duty and his general mystery.

me

Zero-serenity wrote 620 days ago

I agree with Thetinman about the typo in your short pitch. You should fix it so people don't question the quality of your story, which is top notch. The beginning was decent, raised questions i want answered, and your ending was.... a very nice little cliffhanger XD
nicely done.
backed
~Zero, No Title Needed

Thetinman wrote 720 days ago

Enjoyed the read. Your short pitch has a typo – horizon, which should be fixed as it turns readers off and is completely unlike the quality of your writing.
Story is compelling, you open well, and the quality is throughout your chapters.
Well done.

Paul ( www.pauldaytonscifi.com )

We’ve Seen the Enemy

Beval wrote 733 days ago

Highly imaginative and fresh with orginality.

Lara wrote 735 days ago

Enjoyable read with an imaginative idea at its heart. Backed
Rosalind
Good For Him

Barry Wenlock wrote 735 days ago

Hi Hunter,
I'm happy to back you for this excellent work. Well done.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

NMoore wrote 737 days ago

Very imaginative concept with a lot of mental visual scope for the mind! A great story with good interaction and drama! Backed.

N. Moore
Vicar of Wrynbury

olga wrote 737 days ago

Hi

This story unfolds well. Great writing and you build tension well. I liked the interaction between Lucille and Akoto. The dialogue is realistic.
Shelved.
A return read and comment would be appreciate.d
Cheers olga

klouholmes wrote 738 days ago

Hi Hunter, A haunting outset. The Queen is portrayed well for sympathy despite her yearnings for Akoto. Her death in the forest is replete with atmosphere and foreboding. Then Akoto’s being haunted is swift in setting up the challenge of the Shadow. This has good momentum and fills in the reader without any delay. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Bocri wrote 738 days ago

Fantasy writing allows the creator full rein to devise larger than life scenarios, dark and mystic happenings, intrigue that defies belief, supremely admirable heroes and deviously vicious villains. Shadow's Heir excels - in spades. Engrossing. Backed. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

KW wrote 739 days ago

I hope it's not true that "only war will decide who lives and who dies in the end." Frankly, I think we all die in the end regardless. I guess that may not be true, though, if you have "gold magic" like Akoto. Even then, it may end if you have to "submit to the Shadow!" "Go, before the Shadow . . . finds . . ." Nicely done. I'll be back to read more when I get a little time. Backed for now.

Sandie Newman wrote 740 days ago

The cover is very creepy but effective and the pitch is excellent. I love the opening her remembering her husband's death as he is impaled on the stake. It almost reminds me of the opening sequence of Bram Stoker's Dracula where we find out how he became Dracula, the sequence has often been called visually stunnng and that is how I picture your descriptions. I like the way you write about her husband's scent no longer being on anything and can imagine how heartbreaking that must be. This is so well done and is backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

zan wrote 740 days ago

Shadow's Heir
Hunter B

Very dramatic and exciting story despite the bleak prospect of war. I enjoyed what I read so far. Your start, Prelude to Darkness, is nicely done. The world in 466 makes me think that nothing changes, nothing has changed. Some good dialogue here - Lucille seems real enough and you set the stage well with your introduction to the main character, Lord Akoto. Good ending to this part - Thump. Thump. She heard the whistle of an arrow. Thump. Thump. Thump - I'll be back to Thumb through further pages as time permits. Happy to have backed this HUnter. Best of luck with it.
Zan

DMR wrote 740 days ago

Wow - this is a gripping, poetic story.. I would love to have this in paperback so I could curl up on the beach and read more about this amazing world you've created.. there's action, intrigue and an ethereal quality to Lucille.. this is good stuff Backed and best wishes!
Diane
Good Blood

A Knight wrote 740 days ago

Wow, this is gripping right from the beginning, and beneath that there is a spectacular world of that you have created. It takes a great deal of skill to weave something so complex, and I'm sure I'll be buying this from my bookstore before long.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

AuthorTom wrote 740 days ago

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Esrevinu wrote 741 days ago

Hunter, you have created your own world with its history, culture, and language...great writing!

I wish you the very best

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Burgio wrote 741 days ago

SHADOW’S HEIR
This is a good story. You’ve obviously spent a lot of time creating this imaginary world and it shows in the way you’re able to describe your characters and your settings in such detail. I was a little confused when I sent from chapter 1 to chapter 2 because of the shift in third to first person view, but as soon as I adjusted to that, this reads well. You have a knack for letting a reader get inside your narrator’s thoughts. Makes this a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

mongoose wrote 741 days ago

I'll be honest, fantasy is not my natural kind of read so I can't offer you any meaningful crit. However, I do think you write really well and, to my inexperienced ear, it seems to tick all the right boxes. Sorry I can't be more helpful but I have backed this for very solid, professional writing and a fabulous imagination.

yasmin esack wrote 742 days ago

You are a competent writer and your story draws interest right from the start. A great read
backed with pleasure.
Akoto seems Japanese to me and it is the only thing I found odd. Is he a real character from the past?

Backed

Angel22 wrote 742 days ago

I have really enjoyed this read, you pull the reader in early on with a wonderful descriptive voice that is also restrained so as not to loose the storyline. Beautiful imagery and an intriguing start. I loved it and am sure I will be back to read more.

Backed with pleasure.
Jacqui
Once Upon a Blue Moon

lynn clayton wrote 743 days ago

Normally I'm not keen on fantasy but I was drawn to the excellent pitch. You certainly know how to create an atmosphere of excitement and drama. But for me, as in books of any genre, it was your characterisation that attracted me most. brilliant. Backed. lynn

Ryan Schertzer wrote 743 days ago

Welcome to Authonomy and thanks for bringing such an imaginative story. I love adventure stories and this definitely fits the bill.

I thought I'd bring out something that I noticed. You have a good bit of dialogue in the story, but it can be a bit much to follow with all the narrative intertwined. Sometimes it is good to simply let the dialogue tell the story. Not all the time, but I think the occassional use of this method would help it keep moving along. That's my 2 cents - hope it helps.

Regards,
Ryan
The Steel Town Secret

lizjrnm wrote 743 days ago

You certainly have a gifted imagination and the talent to put it into words. It is easy to relate to these characters even if the story is fantastical! BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

SusieGulick wrote 743 days ago

Dear Hunter, I love the twists in your story so that I never know how it will turn out. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 743 days ago

Beautifully and evocatively written, I know you say that the chain mail gleamed when it hung on the stand but should you mention that it had been cleaned or it would have bits of flaking, dried blood dropping off it. Also, I know that anything is possible in fantasy but 'after-shave' seemed neither here nor there in a world of chain mail. If this doesn't create it's own following we may as well all give up. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Jim Darcy wrote 743 days ago

Ok, so I really like what I have read so far. You have a rich world here, full of depth and emotion. I felt for the queen and was shocked when she dies too. The sudden switch to 1st person made me jump but I got used to it. You have a powerful tale in the making here. Did not notice any glaring typos etc. Looking forward to reading more.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown (also a fantasy)

Micheal O'Durcain wrote 743 days ago

This is a beautifully imaginative story.
I've read four chapters and each chapter introduces new characters to enrich the narrative.
The writing is clear tho' there are I think a few anachronisms, at least to my ear
Akoto's 'get a grip'.. and Oriana's ...'I tried, Da'.. clash with the sense of period you have so well created
I would suggest changing the phrases.
I'm watchlisting till I clear my shelf shortly and then I'll back
Good luck
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the Menu

soutexmex wrote 743 days ago

Welcome aboard, Hunter. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your second comment. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. With the long pitch, expand upon the story arch and break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question instead of several to pique interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

eloraine wrote 743 days ago

Loved it and I wish you the best of luck with it, backed with pleasure. Please have a look at Royal Blood Chronicles. thanks E.Loraine.

Raymond Nickford wrote 743 days ago

Lucille's reaction to seeing the impaled body of Donovan on the bed is meticulously described to evoke both the tragedy of the deed done to him and the very well researched period setting which transports us back to feel involved in the 5th century scene.
The description really captures both mood and emotion as Lucille realises that 'Donovan's scent had disappeared from the furniture' and 'he smelled still of soap' - real immediacy and carrying conviction as you do throughout your first chapter.
The bloody encounter with Akoto again bears all the hallmarks of your skill in turning description to the expression of your charcater's thoughts amnd emotions as Lucille's heart thumps the harder, her breathing is the more labored and the 'glint of silver caught her eye'.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Melcom wrote 743 days ago

I agree you desperately need to work on your pitch, to not only draw the readers but any possible agents scanning the site.
This is superb writing it oozes richness and fluidity. Wonderful desciptions do a marvellous job of placing the reader at the scene.
You have created wonderful characters too.
A joy to read and I'm sure this will do very well on the site.

Happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Suzannah Burke wrote 743 days ago

Hi Hunter B.
before I offer my comment on your book, may I recommend that you work on your pitch. Yes your book is indeed about Demons, War, Love. So are dozens of other books on this site. What makes yours stand out? What is it about this particular book that will want to make a reader, not only read it...but offer a comment?
I read chapters 1 thru 3. Why? Because I always look at the works of new members to the site. Many people do not. So after the initial flurry of backings without comment you will need to offer a lure to the readers. Your Pitch is the first and most obvious chance you will have to do that.

Okay..now to the book. I found it to be excellent, crafted beautifully. The prose flowed effortlessly involving this reader from the outset. All the senses were utilized, a difficult thing to do. You had me seeing the candles flickering, scenting the wine and tasting the tears as the queen mourned her murdered king. You caught the emotions as she searched for his familiar smell. Then Akoto the changeling and his love of the queen, the question about the 'loss' of the child that may well have been his. Involved me and kept me reading. The queens death at the hands of the shadow. And the grief of Akota were done extremely well.

This deserves to do well on site.
I have backed it with pleasure.
Suzannah Burke.

RichardBard wrote 743 days ago

You’ve done a great job on 'Shadow's Heir'. I've only read the first chapter so far, but I enjoyed it. I think you have a solid writing talent for the genre'. I liked Lucille and felt her reactions to the death, the loss of 'everything', were portrayed nicely. The pace was good. I was a little jolted when the POV switched unexpectedly from Lucille to the (demon) Akoto. (However, it could be that there was an extra space between those sections that didn't upload properly.) Other than that, I really liked it and was happy to back it. Well done!

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)

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