Book Jacket

 

rank 197
word count 157082
date submitted 12.05.2010
date updated 04.05.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Historical Fictio...
classification: universal
complete

Pompey Chimes

David Ogilvie Grant

1936 "Hitler has struck," writes Churchill in his diary, "His troops are swarming across the Rhineland.
Now he will know no master but a bullet."

 

Winston's warnings don't reach Grace' Lamerton's Portsmouth guest-house. She has an errant husband, 5 growing boys, some odd guests, a savage dog, and it's George V's Silver Jubilee.Yet she is closer to the coming war than Churchill himself.

A crazy old guest is found to be a Jewish refugee. Mary Campion,a pretty secretary, has a German boyfriend. But one guest, Hugo Quist, a retired lawyer, keeps his secret. He's an Admiralty counter-espionage agent.

Hugo has Mary followed to the Berlin Olympics, where she is taken hostage by Hitler, while Kurt, her naval boyfriend, renouncing Nazism, is blackmailed into spying on Admiralty radar secrets. Jock, Grace's husband, defects to the Spanish Civil War.

Through an indiscretion by Jock, the boys introduce a remarkable street urchin, Jess Bowmaker, whose influence infiltrates the family. He becomes a major player in the game.
In this rocking boat, all passengers are levelled down.
Except Jess Bowmaker.

This is a long novel at 166K words. But by reading just Chapters 1, 2,3,5 and 32, you can capture its essence and the tone of the Pompey Chimes, a football chant, as they rang out across Europe during those darkening days.
PLAY UP POMPEY!

 
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tags

coronation., cricket, espionage, family, fireworks, fleet review, football, humour, pompey, royal navy, school, seaside, silver jubilee

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167 comments

 

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EMDelaney wrote 441 days ago

WOW!!!!!

Historical Fiction at its absolute best. Details, details, details. Woven carefully with excellent dialogue, real life characters that engage immediately and stay with you. There are books, good books and then there is this!

Few stories can be told like this. David Olgivie Grant is simply a master. That's all there is to it. With scenes painted like this, a reader who enjoys historical fiction can simply take it in, confident that at no point will the craftiness, energy or plot, let him / her down. The flow is incredible. Absolute polish. This is the way we should all put manuscripts on here. I'm shocked that not more people have backed this book. "SHOCKED!"

This story uses a lot of characters, each cleverly injected into the flow of the story. Language is amazing!!!! Amazing!!! The way Mr. Grant captures the essence of these people and brings them into his story is just simply beautiful.

I don;t know if I am even qualified....correction....I am not qualified to do anything but enjoy this. I wish I was half the writer this man is. Bringing the effects of war / history / culture to a reader so accurately like this is a gift. Only Violet Wells has equaled this feat in my opinion on Authonomy.

Mr Grant. I have put your book down at CH25. Not because I want to. My GF and I are going traveling on motorcycle for five days. I have to pack our stuff on it. Been meaning to for an hour now. Just had to take the time to tell you what a wonderful...wonderful story you have written. I would be so proud to have completed a work like this.

Phraseology that kisses perfection! That's all I can say.

johnpatrick wrote 28 days ago

My impressions David, for what they are worth.
This is 'haute cuisine' writing that stimulates the reader in many ways, satisfying on an intellectual, emotional and sensual level. The problem with reading straight from the screen is the nakedness of the narrative; with a book in your hand, an illustrated cover, you accustom yourself to the prose in advance. Diving straight into your story feels like a sink or swim experience. You are bombarded with names and information I struggled to assimilate and I felt intellectually riled, if I'm honest. But the dancing lyricism of the prose, vivid details and the wonderful interlaced imagery worked at snaring my attention..'eyes wrinkle in the tides of light...'
Arthur(.) needs a full stop.
The early paragraphs hold much promise without giving away too much of the premise. Instead the experience of being a boy on the beach playing cricket with his mates, and the intensity that such games held, works very well. You are true to the way boys 'name' themselves, resisting the temptation to capitulate and call them by their real names earlier during the game.
The dialogue rings true and, like the prose, is that little bit taxing so that the reader still needs to mentally 'lean forward'.
It's a wonderful read, both intricate and dense. I wish you well with it in these tepid days of lightweight reads.
6 stars and on WL.
John
Dropping Babies

Miss Wells wrote 59 days ago

Chapter 30
The bike ride is great. I was on that bike, freewheeling down the slope. Your writing always has such a graceful spring in its step. And a lovely spry wink of wit.
“It's so quiet here that it's almost noisy.” Love that line.
The Magic Flute section is brilliant.
And the finale is fabulous. “Oh. They have made a necklace of the stars.” I can see the sky over the sea all lit up as though it is one of my own memories. .
This book so deserves to be read on paper.

Karamak wrote 11 days ago

Hi David, this is a fast pace takes you by the seat of your pants read and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Karen Faking it in France.

Andrew Esposito wrote 16 days ago

David, I found the first few chapters of Pompey Chimes an impressive read. It is has a layered quality that left me on the edge of capturing the gist of the moment, a little like James Ellroy, but nowhere as complicated. This is an advanced style that is hard to replicate, a sign of natural ability to spin and twist words and perspective much like the boys and their illusionary displays of much loved, great cricket heroes in the First Chapter. The story definitely entices the reader to journey forth, to grasp what is certainly a plot that will peal away from innonence to something more sinister. I have watchlisted your novel and intend to read more of it, with likely backing. Needless to say, I have rated it highly with stars. Good luck, best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killing Paradise

Sharda D wrote 24 days ago

Hi David,
returning your read of Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams. Thanks again for that.
Your writing is incredibly poetic and beautiful. It has a very impressionistic quality which is genius and reminded me of T S Eliot's The Waste Land.
Unfortunately, there were times when it felt a little too impressionistic and I wasn't entirely sure what was happening. That could, of course, be me. I have three children and don't get a lot of sleep! Perhaps slow the pace down a little for us tired mums to keep up and spell things out just a touch more.
My only other niggle was that I didn't like the Prologue that much, I felt it did the rest of your work a disservice. Your prose is poetry, but your poetry wasn't as good as your prose!!

Chp1 : “A sea-change at Spithead.” is pure magic! Perhaps make that your first sentence?
Love the para starting “The promenade scorches through plimsolls, eyes wrinkle in the tides of light...” Beautiful.
Chp2 : I loved, "Cracklings of talk", the line about Lyons Corner House, 'one stray fleck of foam' etc etc. I could go on ad infinitem!
6 stars from me.
All the best,
Sharda.

johnpatrick wrote 28 days ago

My impressions David, for what they are worth.
This is 'haute cuisine' writing that stimulates the reader in many ways, satisfying on an intellectual, emotional and sensual level. The problem with reading straight from the screen is the nakedness of the narrative; with a book in your hand, an illustrated cover, you accustom yourself to the prose in advance. Diving straight into your story feels like a sink or swim experience. You are bombarded with names and information I struggled to assimilate and I felt intellectually riled, if I'm honest. But the dancing lyricism of the prose, vivid details and the wonderful interlaced imagery worked at snaring my attention..'eyes wrinkle in the tides of light...'
Arthur(.) needs a full stop.
The early paragraphs hold much promise without giving away too much of the premise. Instead the experience of being a boy on the beach playing cricket with his mates, and the intensity that such games held, works very well. You are true to the way boys 'name' themselves, resisting the temptation to capitulate and call them by their real names earlier during the game.
The dialogue rings true and, like the prose, is that little bit taxing so that the reader still needs to mentally 'lean forward'.
It's a wonderful read, both intricate and dense. I wish you well with it in these tepid days of lightweight reads.
6 stars and on WL.
John
Dropping Babies

grantdavid wrote 30 days ago

First off, I'm not qualified to discuss your writing. The grace of your words far surpasses anything that I am currently able to accomplish in my own writing. Some of this recalls Shakespeare in style. I say this as both praise and critique. Praise in that I was often enthralled by the shear beauty of the writing and critique in that this beauty tended to overshadow the momentum of the story. At 166,000 words, I assume that this would be the style throughout.

I read in your profile that this novel is in part a tribute to Portsmouth. As such, I think it is a success. I was submerged into the setting, and even as an American, the landscape and feel of the place took root in my mind. I get the feeling that this initial response would be the tip of the iceberg and so much more lies just below the surface of the waters. As such, I think in its current form, this is a novel in search of a the correct reader. As a tribute to Portsmouth, it's near flawless. A patient reader with an interest in this time and place would no doubt be rewarded for their efforts.

The question then becomes, who is this novel written for? I think fans of Historical Fiction would find much to sink their teeth into. Although, based on your Autho pitches, you could try and hone in on a single character in order to give the reader someone to focus on. Your current pitch is a hodgepodge of names. There is little cohesion and not enough insight into what this story is about. I think this is Grace's story, but I don't know what she wants, or what is troubling her, or what she is going to have to do to get what she wants. I think to hook the HF fans, more focus needs to be put on story.

I guess, Literary Fiction fans would have fewer qualms with a less story, but I still feel like your pitch should hint at some of the larger themes you are tackling. In closing, I will say that if you chose to pair back some of your text, I would not want to be the one to decide what stays and what goes. Theirs too much beautiful writing here, and if I had written it, it would feel like chopping off parts of me to edit. That said, there's a good chance that to reach a larger audience, you may need to give up some of the beauty and depth of the writing. My feelings are that you have more than enough to spare if you chose to go that route.


Jack,with respect, I would have thought that the first paragraph of my long pitch would have made very plain what Grace has to cope with, despite Winston's warnings of the coming War. What she wants, however, what with her errant husband, her 5 boys, her odd guests, and a savage dog, all has to be gradually forgotten.
As for the "hodgepodge" of characters, have you read "War and Peace"? 18 main characters and 8 others, including Napoleon, who has a bad cold! (I have Churchill, whose diary is more interesting at least)
You might call my novel (not a thriller) "Peace and War". A novel doesn't always have a" "hook", or an MC. These turn up as the plot, or story, evolves. My story celebrates not only a city but its lives. Each life is an adventure in itself, whether it is Churchill, Grace Lamerton or Pooh Bah the dog
Best wishes.
David GrantJack,with respect, I would have thought that the first paragraph of my long pitch would have made very plain what Grace has to cope with, despite Winston's warnings of the coming War. What she wants, however, what with her errant husband, her 5 boys, her odd guests, and a savage dog, all has to be gradually forgotten.
As for the "hodgepodge" of characters, have you read "War and Peace"? 18 main characters and 8 others, including Napoleon, who has a bad cold! (I have Churchill, whose diary is more interesting at least)
You might call my novel (not a thriller) "Peace and War". A novel doesn't always have a" "hook", or an MC. These turn up as the plot, or story, evolves. My story celebrates not only a city but its lives. Each life is an adventure in itself, whether it is Churchill, Grace Lamerton or Pooh Bah the dog
Best wishes.
David Grant

Jack,with respect, I would have thought that the first paragraph of my long pitch would have made very plain what Grace has to cope with, despite Winston's warnings of the coming War. What she wants, however, what with her errant husband, her 5 boys, her odd guests, and a savage dog, all has to be gradually forgotten.
As for the "hodgepodge" of characters, have you read "War and Peace"? 18 main characters and 8 others, including Napoleon, who has a bad cold! (I have Churchill, whose diary is more interesting at least)
You might call my novel (not a thriller) "Peace and War". A novel doesn't always have a" "hook", or an MC. These turn up as the plot, or story, evolves. My story celebrates not only a city but its lives. Each life is an adventure in itself, whether it is Churchill, Grace Lamerton or Pooh Bah the dog
Best wishes.
David Grant

junetee wrote 34 days ago

You have written about a great piece of history and the day to day life.
The pitch is strong, the opening poem brilliant and moving.
The dialogue was great, and it worked well, but I thought on the third chapter,maybe a few 'he said's' etc wouldn't hurt, and I think probably H&C might say the same.
There were the odd edits but they were very miniscule, eg one being a space in the first chapter, I think it was somewhere near the end of the third or fourth paragraph, but that's petty. However if you want perfection as we all strive for, its important, especially so near the beginning.
But overall this is a brilliant book, its written extremely well, with such beautiful descriptions throughout.What an amazing part of history to be able to write about and remember so much about first hand.
Highly starred
Junetee(Four Corners)

Jack Cerro wrote 38 days ago

First off, I'm not qualified to discuss your writing. The grace of your words far surpasses anything that I am currently able to accomplish in my own writing. Some of this recalls Shakespeare in style. I say this as both praise and critique. Praise in that I was often enthralled by the shear beauty of the writing and critique in that this beauty tended to overshadow the momentum of the story. At 166,000 words, I assume that this would be the style throughout.

I read in your profile that this novel is in part a tribute to Portsmouth. As such, I think it is a success. I was submerged into the setting, and even as an American, the landscape and feel of the place took root in my mind. I get the feeling that this initial response would be the tip of the iceberg and so much more lies just below the surface of the waters. As such, I think in its current form, this is a novel in search of a the correct reader. As a tribute to Portsmouth, it's near flawless. A patient reader with an interest in this time and place would no doubt be rewarded for their efforts.

The question then becomes, who is this novel written for? I think fans of Historical Fiction would find much to sink their teeth into. Although, based on your Autho pitches, you could try and hone in on a single character in order to give the reader someone to focus on. Your current pitch is a hodgepodge of names. There is little cohesion and not enough insight into what this story is about. I think this is Grace's story, but I don't know what she wants, or what is troubling her, or what she is going to have to do to get what she wants. I think to hook the HF fans, more focus needs to be put on story.

I guess, Literary Fiction fans would have fewer qualms with a less story, but I still feel like your pitch should hint at some of the larger themes you are tackling. In closing, I will say that if you chose to pair back some of your text, I would not want to be the one to decide what stays and what goes. Theirs too much beautiful writing here, and if I had written it, it would feel like chopping off parts of me to edit. That said, there's a good chance that to reach a larger audience, you may need to give up some of the beauty and depth of the writing. My feelings are that you have more than enough to spare if you chose to go that route.

Dedalus wrote 46 days ago

David,

This is a very honest review and you won't like it. I've had this on my watch-list for some time and I really expected to enjoy it. It sounds as if it has a really good story and to be quite unique. I was even more thrilled at how powerful the opening poem was.

Yet, when I moved into the prose I found it impossible to read. It had a very lyrical quality, which instead of aiding me really confused me. The punctuation provided the quality, but it was distracting and very hard to follow. In short I gave upon reading as 12 or so paragraphs in I still had no idea what was going on and felt completely lost. I wanted something clear, something to draw me in. But I found it all confusing.

Evidently I go against the general consensus given the rank of the book and how well people speak of it. Perhaps I shouldn't have written this, but I was so disappointed I felt I'd do an injustice to my expectations and hopes if I didn't.

Of course one bad review doesn't mean much and I'm sure you won't take this to heart or hold it against me.

Joe

Margaret Anthony wrote 55 days ago

I see many comments for this work so I have little to add other than this is a polished, well told story. There are some excellent 'cameos' and visual imagery which is original and clever, characters who easily come to life and a well crafted backdrop to bring it all together.
Not a read to rush over, but certainly one to admire and then savour. This deserves good stars. Margaret.

celticwriter wrote 56 days ago

Reads visually - would make a terrific movie. Love the genre. Your story sets off right away and moves swiftly and effortlessly. I'm not a critic, just a fan of a terrific journey.

blessings,
jim

riantorr wrote 57 days ago

Extraordinary!

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

grantdavid wrote 57 days ago

"'Ere you are, mush ..." I would begin with this.

Best Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade



Read the pitch, and re-read the opening paras. to see what would be missed. All essential to the story.
David Grant

grantdavid wrote 57 days ago

"'Ere you are, mush ..." I would begin with this.

Best Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade



Read the pitch, and re-read the opening paras. to see what would be missed. All essential to the story.
David Grant

riantorr wrote 58 days ago

"'Ere you are, mush ..." I would begin with this.

Best Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

Miss Wells wrote 59 days ago

Chapter 30
The bike ride is great. I was on that bike, freewheeling down the slope. Your writing always has such a graceful spring in its step. And a lovely spry wink of wit.
“It's so quiet here that it's almost noisy.” Love that line.
The Magic Flute section is brilliant.
And the finale is fabulous. “Oh. They have made a necklace of the stars.” I can see the sky over the sea all lit up as though it is one of my own memories. .
This book so deserves to be read on paper.

Miss Wells wrote 59 days ago


I loved this from the word go. The first thing I look for in a book is exciting writing and this is consistently thrilling in the artistry and vitality of its prose. Everything comes alive in a jiffy. The whole thing has been imagined and put down with such vivid contagious exuberance that we’re quickly immersed in the story and the characters. The observed detail is wonderful. I read chapters 1,2 and 10 and would buy this – beautiful writing and what promises to be a fabulous engrossing story.

katemb wrote 65 days ago

There are so many wonderful lines in here, in the very first chapter, that I want to cut and paste them and just make a big juicy list!

Some highlights:
Nil, looking forward; Arthur controlling information; Andy, seeing his mother and making like a plane; Grace with her slots and pennies: and as a whole it's rich and highly evocative of Britain in wartime. Wonderful.

I'm not sure that it's a book that would play to everyone's taste. The trend (I believe - what do I know!) is for less changes in point of view for example and I'm not sure you need to tell everyone it is long in your pitch! I do know that if it was available say on Kindle, I would buy it and read it and be swept away.

Wishing you every success,
Kate
The Licenser

Fred Le Grand wrote 69 days ago

A great period piece.
Superb descriptive prose - captivating.
The narrative prose isn't pacey, but with a use of words such as you have here, you don't need it - the writing is so good and professional that it carries the reader along in its arms.
It could be tighter, it could have a faster pace but the excellent dialogue, the brilliant characterisations and the flow of the prose make this a real pleasure to read.
Backed.

Paul Burrard wrote 73 days ago

David
I stumbled upon Pompey Chimes and I'm so glad I did. It's a gem of a book and takes one back to a time of England before the modern world intervened. I love the way you write - every sentence is packed with original observation. I remember being that kid 'Walter Hammond' playing cricket on the green. Brilliant piece where "his toe peeps pinkly out of a hole in his plimsoll, and he just feels daft" - such a pity they're now called 'trainers'. I was chuckling away to myself with numerous lines of humour and insight - loved Pooh Bah - "fury of fancy and purple tongue". You have a talent for sure and this must reach the top surely.

Paul
Dead Moon Rising.

Shelby Z. wrote 74 days ago

This is another unique idea for a book. It is creative and interesting.
The writing style is really well.
I love the bold writing that you did first it sets a mood of before.
The title is just okay, could be a little more drawing.
However the pitch is good an drawing.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take time to look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Tod Schneider wrote 74 days ago

Masterful and poetic writing! I very much admire your ability to wrap story telling and a literary bent into such a well woven tale. Best of luck with this!
Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink

Greenleaf wrote 89 days ago

Hi David,

I'm so glad I stumbled across Pompey Chimes. This is a beautifully-written literary novel. I couldn't find a thing to criticize. I can imagine this not only published, but turned into a movie. It's that good. Congratulations.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Maevesleibhin wrote 91 days ago

David,
I have read the first three chapters.
There are a few, very few, literary fiction titles on Authonomy that make me wonder if someone has uploaded a classic I have not yet read and is just pulling my leg, trying to figure out if anyone will notice, like a famous violinist playing the fiddle in the tube to see what kind of reaction he gets. Pompey Chimes is that kind of book. Nuanced, rich, enthralling, but difficult and particular, this is the kind of book that needs to be read carefully to appreciate all its little places. 
It is a long book and my current obligations, both on Authonomy and in my convoluted real life, keep me from giving it the attention that it deserves, but I hope to go back to it with more time.
This book needs to be considered on a very different plane than most of the books that I have looked at here, even literary fiction titles. I am usually  a stickler for an early clear hook. It is hard to identify a hook as such in these first chapters, although, of course, the great weight of history acts as enough of a hook. I loved, for instance, how you brought in the death of king George, merged with the death of Richie, connecting the life of this family with the inevitable progression of history which we know so well.
Although I am not a fan of cricket, I felt you used it as a great mechanism for moving the character development  forward. At first I was afraid that my lack of knowledge of the game would cripple my reading, but then I realized that your writing transcends the game, that it is about the people talking about the game, about the relationships they build.
The description of the fireworks display is almost Joycean, with a rhythm that mimics the display. So too are several other moments, for instance, to pick at random, this section from chapter two:

There are cracklings of talk, outbursts of excitement, jiggings over fumbled buttons, mutual pummellings; there is a whistling all over the house, and a fizzing in the breathless glow of a grander surprise which is spreading from Spithead, transmuting a domestic gloom into an aura of universal promise.

This is not the kind of book that one should stumble over with a quick cup of coffee on her way to work. These are passages that should be read slowly, nursed lovingly, savored and mused upon.

This comes at the expense of plot development, of course. At the end of chapter three I have a fair amount of character development of several (at this point somewhat indistinguishable) characters, and Andy is shaping up as being an important element. But I would not be at all surprised if he ended up not relevant (as the pitch seems to imply), but little clear plot development. This, again, does not really matter. The writing is superb, to such an extent I almost feel unworthy to comment on it.
I will read chapters 5 and 32, as you recommend, to get the feel of the novel. Six stars for now, and on the waiting list to my shelf.
Best,
Maeve
ps, I noticed a typo on Ch 2
Do you remember him marking downb the scores?

Adeel wrote 93 days ago

A very nice reading which could be termed as highly remarkable and deserves 6 stars. Will put it on my book shelf soon.

Stark Silvercoin wrote 93 days ago

Pompey Chimes is an amazingly good example of what literary fiction can become when crafted in the hands of a skilled author. I personally love most literary fiction, but I’m sure that even those who don’t normally read it will enjoy Pompey Chimes.

Author David Ogilvie Grant brings us a tale of ordinary people faced with extraordinary circumstances. It’s a tale of normal folks thrust into international events as the world begrudgingly departs its peaceful state and enters into the bloody conflict of World War II. In a lot of ways, this is the tale of everyman and every woman who lived during that time, though Grant’s characters are of course, drawn into it more than most.

Pompey Chimes is written in an older, classic style. It’s a slow burn where readers are allowed time to identify with the characters and ease into the setting. World events overshadow everything, but the characters, like their nations at that time, do their best to ignore such things when they can. In a lot of ways it reminds me of From Here To Eternity, a wonderful novel centered around people also caught up in history, too weak to stem the tide yet too powerful and attached to the world not to try.

I might suggest a change in the title. Pompey Chimes does not really capture the overall flavor and majesty of this novel, and is kind of gibberish to anyone not from England. A more dramatic war-time title might help it capture more eyes on Authonomy without actually changing the style. That said, this is probably one that should be making the rounds directly to agents as it’s eminently readable and publishable right now.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

CGHarris wrote 103 days ago

You have painted an amazing picture here. Literary fiction is something I don’t usually read and could never write, but you have certainly mastered the art. Your use of imagery is amazing and I particularly enjoyed the poem in the beginning of the book. Thanks so much for the read and I wish you success with your book. High stars to you.

scargirl wrote 105 days ago

this is a good premise and gives good description. it is a good read.
j
what every woman should know

John Saville wrote 114 days ago

Interesting - you clearly enjoy your cricket. The staccato delivery is not every reader's cup of tea and can be difficult to control before it devolves into rap, however I believe you carried it off.

Typo first line 'Soutsea'

I will back this book

JS

Olive Field wrote 117 days ago

Pompey Chimes is an impressive read. One of the best example's of historical fiction I have read on this site. I think the dialogue gives us a great sense of the characters. I do not feel qualified to critique your work but I can tell you it has many wonderful qualities. I realised when reading part 2 Sinah Light that it was playing out in my mind in black and white, like an old movie. I don't know when that began to happen. I hope to have this book on my real shelf soon.
David I wish you the very best,
Olive.

John Saville wrote 117 days ago

Starts off with staccato bullet points which I guess is the type of machine gun style that is appropriate for this tale.
A few typos and spelling errors but nonetheless, an interesting story. on my bookshelf.

JS

Kitchenwych wrote 119 days ago

I've just read your pitch and added your book to my Watchlist! My mother grew up in Lee-on-Solent and there are so many resonances in your writing with the tales she told of life in the 1930s/40s in Portsmouth! (Play up, Pompey!'). If you've the time, I'd very much appreciate a return read/comment/rating for my novel, 'When We're Least Expecting It', by Dee Fitzwilliam.
Best wishes,
Dee

jlbwye wrote 120 days ago

Pompey Chimes. The pitch shows me an interesting collection of characters and a complex plot, and I'm convinced your expertise would be welcome on our Historical Fiction Forum group.

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. The present tense, touches of sinister Germans, and an innocent game of boys' cricket. Love that sentence where his toe peeps pinkly out of a hole in his plimsole and he just feels daft. Such delightful glimpses of boyish life. But I especially enjoy the acute anticipation of Pooh-bah as she senses activity round the home.

Ch.2. 'The pools of lamplight, the luminous leaves, the shadowed alleys...' Yours is literary historical fiction indeed. But I'm not sure who is the Main Character yet - Nil? Andy? Or perhaps it will be the authorial viewpoint which prevails.
'The road spins out like a gold thread over sunlit downs and vanishes into mist blue woods...' What imagery.
Then that stream of clipped dialogue. It is effective in small doses, but I'm not sure about the way it goes on and one. Difficult to keep up with what's going on, and my eyes strain as I try to keep track.

Ch.3. The dialogue is realistic, but again, I wonder if it might be shortened a bit, without omitting the veiled humour of course. I enjoy the incident with Miss Trimpington.
Arthur's scene at the baby's deathbed is poignant indeed. You write very well.
Then I become confused - who is Jock? - Oh - the father.

I'd like to read on, when I have time to enjoy the leisure of your book. You have a comfortable style, and a detailed knowledge of time and place. And I found no nits to pick.
Thankyou for the read.
Jane. (Breath of Africa)

Diwrite wrote 121 days ago

I have been told that Historical Fiction is out of fashion, which seems a crying shame when books like this are being written.
I found the writing confident with a pacy flow. It also feels like the research has been very thorough - so important in this genre.

I'm starring and shelving now in the hope that others will spot and read this.
Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

AudreyB wrote 122 days ago

I read faster than anyone I know because, quite frankly, little I read ever captures my attention. Your work I read at a sedate and relaxed speed. I wasn't taking notes--it's either take notes or enjoy, I can't do both--so I can't praise specific images or combinations of words. I will say that in every case, the word you used was exactly the right one, no matter how unique or surprising. And I enjoyed every single one.

My own father was born in 1925. His ten-year old self would have been racing paper boats in the gutters of Bridgeton in 1935, playing football in the streets with the other wee laddies while his own father failed to come home. He'd begin his apprenticeship at Harlan and Wolff in 1939 and then spend his 19th birthday--June, 1944--sailing to France.

We need more novels of this time from those who remember.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Wussyboy wrote 139 days ago

I have to congratulate you, David. This moving, affectionate look at a simple, uncomplicated England in the last days of peace (before the rigours of war robbed it so cruelly of innocence) is a gem. Using the clever device of a cricket game - surely the most British of all British inventions - you describe not only the cream of young men who will soon be playing a far more deadly game, but introduce the coming enemy who symbolically grind their ball into the dust. The setting of Portsmouth is very personal to me - I shared a business in Fawcett Rd and had many a happy time on Soutsea Common - and the glittering armada of ships moored there, getting ready for war, is a magnificent backdrop to the antics of the young boys (my fave was Nils, doomed to live in the future, terrified of the Present, lol!) as they bring back so many memories of my own youth - aaah, the Wizard, Saturday morning pictures, slot machines, and tuppence in the B button on the telephone. Yes, your first chapter is a little long (could you perhaps break it up a little by inserting a * chapter break symbol between each new character?), but this is nevetheless a wonderful, wonderful read.

6 stars from me, and when I have a Tolstoy moment (lol!) I'll be curling up with this for the night.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

I loved that poem at the start. Reminded me of Sassoon.

grantdavid wrote 159 days ago

Dear David

I have read a large part of chapter one of "Pompeii Chimes". I hope that is enough to lend credibility to my review.

Yours is indeed a work of literature, wide, high and breathtakingly ambitious. Unbelievably well observed and conveyed in writing; achingly atmospheric and true to life. Your careful, considered portrayal of pre-war life, your attention to detail and your constant vigilance for observation suggest it is unlikely your many talents would desert you as your tale unfolds. I think I can trust that your book is well written throughout.

Your writing reads like poetry. If someone said that to me, I would be immensely pleased. Yet, the discipline that poetry requires may prove daunting in a work of this length and scope. How long would it take me to read it to the end? War and Peace took me three months and I read quite fast....

I rate your book highly. I do hope that a publisher or agent can see behind the word count and take your writing seriously.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)



Dear Fran,
Thankyou so much for reading a portion of Chapter 1 and for your appreciation. I hope that you will find time to look at the chapters suggested at the end of my Pitch. It's not all poetry!
"War and Peace"!. I once made this my bedtime reading, so was able to savour and relish the whole - not as on Authonomy, where we have so many other books to attend to. "Pompey Chimes" is (forgive the impertinence) "Peace and War". I must have become subtly influenced by Tolstoy's method. For In my later chapters the scene changes from domesticity to Churchill's study, from a battlefield to a football field, to a cinema, to the "Magic Flute", the Berlin Olympics, espionage by wireless telegraphy, a grand ball, etc.,etc. Dozens of characters, including the family dog.
It's a "hymn to life" .Above all, it's about humanity. All people, great and small, undergoing the stress of inevitable World War,
are levelled. Except a spirited street-urchin, Jess Bowmaker.

David Grant

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 160 days ago

Dear David

I have read a large part of chapter one of "Pompeii Chimes". I hope that is enough to lend credibility to my review.

Yours is indeed a work of literature, wide, high and breathtakingly ambitious. Unbelievably well observed and conveyed in writing; achingly atmospheric and true to life. Your careful, considered portrayal of pre-war life, your attention to detail and your constant vigilance for observation suggest it is unlikely your many talents would desert you as your tale unfolds. I think I can trust that your book is well written throughout.

Your writing reads like poetry. If someone said that to me, I would be immensely pleased. Yet, the discipline that poetry requires may prove daunting in a work of this length and scope. How long would it take me to read it to the end? War and Peace took me three months and I read quite fast....

I rate your book highly. I do hope that a publisher or agent can see behind the word count and take your writing seriously.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

AndrewStevens wrote 198 days ago

Such an engaging, smooth read. The prose is clean and uncluttered with some very effective, deftly lyrical flourishes. The sense of time and place is clear but subtly evoked so that it never gets in the way of the story. Realistic and purposeful dialogue which helps to drive the opening chapters. Good sense of an involving, multi-layered story developing.

In short, an utterly convincing opening written with great originality and panache. On my shelf. Thanks and best of luck. A

morebooks wrote 205 days ago

plenty of interesting detail. Very good. Lots of interesting characters..

Bojack wrote 208 days ago

David: Came across your book scrollong for historical fiction. I've looked at it briefly, and I'm liking the plot and the writing. I'm a bit of a Churchil buff - not to mention the great one liners he coined. I'll try to get into it a bit more over the weekend. Backed with pleasure.
Bob

KirkH wrote 208 days ago

"Danke! Dankeschön! Donner und Blitzen!"
This is great writing. It's so British, from an earlier generation of a pre-war England, when everyone was still a gentleman. The story evokes memories of Herman Wouk's "Winds of War." Had to back it. Thank you for bringing this story to my attention. You deserve the Ed's Desk more than me.
Cheers
Kirk

grantdavid wrote 222 days ago

David, I read the chapters you suggested, 1,2,3,5,32, and I can only repeat what others have said here: yours is an exceptional writing talent. First, the prose itself is so evocative of time and place. Parts of the first chapter read almost like a prose poem: 'The sky, a taut blue balloon, swells'; 'Saturday afternoon sugared with the promise of Tarzan'; 'The blue Jowett is only a rainbow patch of oil'. Nabokovian at times and sometimes in its so-condensed lyricism reminiscent of Firbank. In chapter five I loved the beautifully managed pastiche of interwar-years boys'-adventure stories - in its exactly captured tone it made me smile with pleasure. Also the nostalgic summoning up of a long-lost past through such admirably detailed specifics of the everyday - the Ardath cigarettes, the comics, etc. What is doubly impressive about the writing is the sheer consistency of quality throughout (I looked briefly through some later chapters) in what is a long book. Exceptional this, since, as you well know, dreadful fallings off are not exactly unknown in even the most highly considered writers.
You have, too - wow - what seems to be an ingenious, intricate, solid plot. I can't say without reading much more of the book exactly how well this is worked out, but given your exceptional professionalism in other areas I'd be willing to bet it's skilfully achieved.
There are two points I'd like to add. Have you not submitted the book to publishers and agents before putting it on to this site? If you have, I'd be interested to know what response you got - if any. The other point is that, admirable though the lyricism of the first chapter is, I wonder whether that is a slight negative from a purely commercial point of view - but only, that is, if the commercial weighs at all with you.
What could I do otherwise than to six-star and back your fine book.
xavant

In the 1970's I submitted the 1st Part to Allen & Unwin (now Harper Collins!) and it received a stunning readers' report. When the publisher delayed, I took up an offer from another publisher, but the Authors' Society advised against it, and soon after Pompey Chimes disappeared into the dreaded Slush Pile.for 30 odd years. I e-mailed the book to a US agent who took a lot of money for "printing and despatching costs" and when I declined to go to Beijing, at my expense, to help promote their wares at a book fair, they broke our contract.
It was then that my son told me of Authonomy.
As to your point about "commercial", I can only say, from my own experience of new books, "what really is commercial"? You never know. You can only write from your heart.
David

xavant wrote 223 days ago

David, I read the chapters you suggested, 1,2,3,5,32, and I can only repeat what others have said here: yours is an exceptional writing talent. First, the prose itself is so evocative of time and place. Parts of the first chapter read almost like a prose poem: 'The sky, a taut blue balloon, swells'; 'Saturday afternoon sugared with the promise of Tarzan'; 'The blue Jowett is only a rainbow patch of oil'. Nabokovian at times and sometimes in its so-condensed lyricism reminiscent of Firbank. In chapter five I loved the beautifully managed pastiche of interwar-years boys'-adventure stories - in its exactly captured tone it made me smile with pleasure. Also the nostalgic summoning up of a long-lost past through such admirably detailed specifics of the everyday - the Ardath cigarettes, the comics, etc. What is doubly impressive about the writing is the sheer consistency of quality throughout (I looked briefly through some later chapters) in what is a long book. Exceptional this, since, as you well know, dreadful fallings off are not exactly unknown in even the most highly considered writers.
You have, too - wow - what seems to be an ingenious, intricate, solid plot. I can't say without reading much more of the book exactly how well this is worked out, but given your exceptional professionalism in other areas I'd be willing to bet it's skilfully achieved.
There are two points I'd like to add. Have you not submitted the book to publishers and agents before putting it on to this site? If you have, I'd be interested to know what response you got - if any. The other point is that, admirable though the lyricism of the first chapter is, I wonder whether that is a slight negative from a purely commercial point of view - but only, that is, if the commercial weighs at all with you.
What could I do otherwise than to six-star and back your fine book.
xavant
That Certain Feeling

KimberleyJSmith wrote 224 days ago

I've been really enjoying reading this. Loved it from the start with the cricket and especially chapter 9 (as you recommended). And now having a chuckle at chapter 15. Really love the descriptions and metaphors, makes the story really tangible and pleasantly nostaligic. Looking foward to reading the rest. -Kim (& sorry for posting this a zillion times, v slow computer didn't show them up!)

Nathan O'Hagan wrote 231 days ago

It is clear from the five chapters i read that you are no first time novice, but have been writing for some time and have really honed your craft. Your style is assure and polished and the work of someone who really knows the time and place of which they write, and has absolute confidence in the story the want to tell. Not the type of thing i would normally read, but one of the most acomplished things i've read on here. Although set in a different time and place, it somehow reminded me of Jack Aubrey.
A great, sweeping story that I have highly rated. Play up Pompey indeed!

KeithE wrote 238 days ago

My comments are on chapter one. I loved the way the bravura prose that feels so expansive and carefree is in fact the vehicle for a very tightly managed opening. It's all done in a way that makes you scarcely aware of all the introductions that are being made in such a short time. The cricket match is wonderful, perfectly capturing that youthful male identification with heroes that is both wholehearted and aware of it as a fiction, and the particular time and place in which the narrative begins. The word that sprang to mind for me is "Dickensian" - the vivid imagery, the humour, the extended metaphors, the vivacity, the ebullience, the evocation of a social world, the awareness of the child's perspective. I'm looking forward to the rest!

grantdavid wrote 242 days ago

I've previously read and commented on chapters one and two. Today I reread them and added chapter three.

General comments on chapter three: An engaging, evocative chapter. Thought-provoking narrative. A fascinating main character. Clever wit. Vivid imagery. Superb period details that evoke the era. Good pacing.

Specific comments on chapter three:
1) "Arthur, wiil she" - The em-dash goes inside the closing quote mark. There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) "You absolute prat! Put a closing quote mark after 'prat.'
3) "Important! Important's daft and horrible"" Period after 'horrible.' Also, remove one of the two closing quote marks after 'horrible.'
4) "Dunno, I live in St. Ronan's now. Put a closing quote mark after 'now.'
5) "Pooh Bah" What're you doing" - Remove the quote mark after 'Bah' and put a period there. Also, as mentioned above, put the em-dash inside the closing quote mark.
6) Pooh Bah, eh? Pooh Bah, good dog! - sorry, bitch." Put an opening quote mark efore the first 'Pooh.'
7) "The King, I suppose. Soon as he's gone we shall breathe again. Not before. Put a closing quote mark after 'before.'

I hope this critique helps you further polish this outstanding chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for supporting "Savannah Fire."

Have a marvelous day.

Al


Thanks, Al, for another much appreciated commentary. As for the typos, these were produced in a high-speed
typing of this 600k ms, to satisfy an agent who soon afterwards dumped me. Fortunately I found Authonomy and will attend to the errors in due course. So please ignore them and save your valuable time.
Best wishes for the Savannah series.
David

SBMartin wrote 245 days ago

I love reading great historical fiction and that's exactly what this is. This story is told so well with excellent details in such an exciting way. I was immediately drawn in and held in place as I went from one chapter to the next. Your characters are vivid and engaging. You paint the setting and the characters with a pen instead of a canvas, but the vision we get is just as eloquent. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. Six stars!

CarolinaAl wrote 269 days ago

I've previously read and commented on chapters one and two. Today I reread them and added chapter three.

General comments on chapter three: An engaging, evocative chapter. Thought-provoking narrative. A fascinating main character. Clever wit. Vivid imagery. Superb period details that evoke the era. Good pacing.

Specific comments on chapter three:
1) "Arthur, wiil she" - The em-dash goes inside the closing quote mark. There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) "You absolute prat! Put a closing quote mark after 'prat.'
3) "Important! Important's daft and horrible"" Period after 'horrible.' Also, remove one of the two closing quote marks after 'horrible.'
4) "Dunno, I live in St. Ronan's now. Put a closing quote mark after 'now.'
5) "Pooh Bah" What're you doing" - Remove the quote mark after 'Bah' and put a period there. Also, as mentioned above, put the em-dash inside the closing quote mark.
6) Pooh Bah, eh? Pooh Bah, good dog! - sorry, bitch." Put an opening quote mark efore the first 'Pooh.'
7) "The King, I suppose. Soon as he's gone we shall breathe again. Not before. Put a closing quote mark after 'before.'

I hope this critique helps you further polish this outstanding chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for supporting "Savannah Fire."

Have a marvelous day.

Al

RossClark1981 wrote 281 days ago

- Pompey Chimes -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

Well, this is some beautifully crafted, poetic prose. As you read, you are aware from the very off that you are dealing with genuine class. I could list line after line, image after image that left a deep indent on me but I'll go with the one that made me aware of my face contorting into a smile at the sheer cleverness and beauty of it, which was 'bonfires are made of dry alternatives.' (Chapter two)

The thing that most impressed me was the poetic drift of the prose, enabled, I think, through the use of a present tense narrative. The general consensus always seems to be that the present tense is used to create a sense of immediacy, of being right there with the character. This may well be so but the tense can also be employed to move a series of stronf images that collate into a deep overall impression into the mind of the reader and Pompey Chimes has numerous excellent examples of this as we move through the streets of Portsmouth on the eve of war, where boys play cricket outside and German sailors, not yet enemies, give their autographs to the fascinated locals.

What else? Ah yes, the dialogue. This felt authentic and rooted us in the time. A mastery of dialect as coulour ading without the idiom being intrusive to the reader.

I don't think I can add much in the way of constructive criticism. I did get a little confused at the very start with the opening cricket game as I wasn't sure who was who. As I understand it, heroes were being emulated and their names temporarily taken and that threw me off a little upon this first time meeting the characters. But that was all.

I repeat - sheer, genuine class.