Stewards of the Flame

I Sylvia
What a terrifying premise and very well written. I was hooked from the first paragraph. It's a long time since I read Sci-fi, although I was brought up on it. This has rekindled my interest.
To be honest with you I had decided to play the 'back everything' game that seems to get the mediocre but determined on the editors desk, but I could not bring myself to do it without at least a brief look. Your's was to be my first but I became trapped by it. It seems to have been about for a long time and is slipping down the rankings so I'll back it and hope to read the full book in the near future.
Best regards
John G
'The Last Olympiad.'

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

This is great!

I'm not huge into Sci-Fi, but I like the way you've set this up. What will happen to Jesse?
Backed.

Lorrii
(Euphoria)

Thank you for your comments, Bill. I have just published a new edition of this book,formatted to match the sequel. (I got my own ISBN this time, which wasn't possible for individual books at the time I published the BookSurge edition that I 'm taking off the market.) I think I fixed all the typos. I didn't change any of the wording of the text, however, as I didn't want to make it a revised edition -- there are many copies in circulation and the first edition won an IPPY award, so it would be confusing not to have the text match.

I debated about changing "burned-out starship captain" in publicity, but there just didn't seem to be any smooth way to fix it despite the fact that some people may misinterpret it. It is indeed the captain who's burned out, not the ship -- but this will be clear from Chapter 2 of the story.

It may be a few days before the new edition shows up at Amazon -- don't buy the old one, as the new one will be available sooner at my website. And for anyone here who has read the whole book and is awaiting the sequel -- it's titled Promise of the Flame and it will be out within the next month.

Stewards of the Flame is also available in e-book and Kindle form, at a much lower price than the print edition.

Sylvia

Sylvia,

I recall reading Chapter 1 and mentioning the error "but he had lost never track of time." Now on to Chapter 2.

Dear Sylvia, You're going to get me back into sci-fi, my first love after westerns. You have a vivid imagination and know how to get a story on the road. When I get a little better acquainted with Authonomy, I'll read on. Meanwhile, this compulsive editor will hit on a few details.

In your pitch, I stumbled over "burned-out starship captain Jesse ..." Is it the ship or the captain that's burned out? Wouldn't it be better to say, "captain Jesse ... of the burned-out starship ..."?

You use contractions effectively, but I prefer "didn't" to "did not" in fiction.

Misplaced word in "he had lost never track of time." I think you meant, "He'd never lost track of time."

In "required to keep the ship," delete "required" for clarity.

The sentence "What possible motive ...?" seems to ramble. Try, "What could have been behind it?" Did you mean to have such a long string of short sentences? Your style is more flowing elsewhere.

You repeat "grimly" a few lines apart.

Such flaws are far from spoiling a fine tale, but you can't depend on little gnomes in the editorial office to catch them. You can do it yourself on your ninth or tenth reading. Your book goes to my shelf. --Bill Carrigan

Really scary stuff – I had to stop reading when Jesse and Carla were prevented from escaping, I couldn’t bear it. I’d already been surprised by his stoicism at the prospect of Day Three.

Gripping and well-written. The space background is beautifully done; the reader absorbs it with no effort.

I’ll try to come back when I’m feeling stronger. I’ll put you on my watchlist for now.

Thank you, Sylvia! I can't imagine how that typo (omission of "enough") has been overlooked this long, after all the times I (and others) have proofread the book -- I just checked the print and e-book editions, and was appalled to see it! I'm a professional freelance copyeditor, so this is embarrassing.

There is a reason why Jesse is attracted to Carla more quickly and more strongly than seems natural, but this isn't revealed until later in the story. Reviewers have made the same comment even after reading the whole book, so I think I failed to give enough of a clue that it's supposed to seem surprising, and surprises even him.

Always before I have used a much less revealing pitch because I didn't want to give away too much, but I decided to experiment here because few people were looking at the book and I felt I needed to draw them with something emotional. I've wondered if I would attract more readers if I did so in my publicity elsewhere -- once someone reads the story, it waters down the suspense, as you say, and yet if nobody is intrigued enough to read it, suspense accomplishes nothing. So I don't know which way to go.

Oh now, this is good. I can see why it's a prizewinner! I came here because we share a name, and the pitch sounded good - the practice is even better. Your scarily believable first chapter sucks the reader straight in. What follows is equally tense and increasingly horrific - a very accomplished piece of Sci-Fi. Onto my Watchlist.

A few favourite moments: 'What consent form?'. 'But you didn't expect them to turn out like this, either'. 'This man isn't scheduled for a full workup'. 'What he'd once thought a mere vulgar expression'. 'You don't want to know'. 'That's the one thing they will never do'.

Suggestions/tweaks: 'He'd waked (woken?) with hangovers'. 'large (enough?) for an operating theatre'. I think in chapter 4, the way he was attracted to Carla was very slightly overdone for such a stressful situation. Maybe you give too much away in the initial pitch - it waters down the scariness.

Trudy, I'd love to have it in more libraries, but they rarely buy print-on-demand books because library journals don't review them, and because they're not stocked by the distributors libraries use. One of the best ways to get a book into a library is for it to be requested by a reader -- many libraries have systems whereby patrons can suggest books they want. If yours does, that would be nice! The book can be special-ordered through Baker & Taylor but I will personally sell to libraries at a larger discount (50%) and ship much faster.
Many libraries have my Newbery Honor book Enchantress from the Stars and some of my other YA novels, but because this one isn't a YA book, the librarians who know my name are not the ones who'd be ordering it, and the librarians who order adult fiction don't realize that I'm already in the library's collection. It might help to mention it if my name is in the catalog, since they would rather buy self-published books from known authors than from new ones.

I'd definitely check it out if it showed up in the library where I work!

Interesting...I like your voice, I've only read the first couple of chapters but i will be coming back for more. :)

Susie