The Springfield Curse

Beautifully crafted prose telling a sinister story in an almost depressingly flawless way. I am not at all surprised that you found a publisher for "Red Dust and Bones" and will look out for it on Amazon :)

Sandy

I haven't read it all yet...but I'm really liking it so far. Well Done. It's raining outside as I read this, which just makes everything so much more eerie!

Looking forward to the rest.

C

Great job! This is something I would buy. I rated you 6 stars.

Dear Sandy, a passionate effort to envelop the reader into a recherche of well written literature. The main character, which you asked for comments on, is a little confusing, but I think there's a lot more to come from her. Besides the book is a riveting story, that sells from the opening chapter. Very polished and poised, you can almost feel the patrimonial birth of your main character,more so in the second chapter. Great book and an even greater story, told with all the eloquence of a seasoned writer. Good luck and best wishes, Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

I just finished Chapter Two-very suspenseful. So far, this is something I would buy.

Your first chapter is great-really professional and catchy. Look forward to finishing it. One question: If Ailish is a reformed druggie, then why is she drinking a Rolling Rock (beer)?

I found your book searching for something fresh to read. I enjoy mystery and suspense, not necessariy ghosts and spooks. What I liked about this was that the supernatural took off very realistically from the 'normal' world. Spontaneous combustion is well documented. The opening scene with A and Jack reads well and the characters are realistic. Ailish has charisma and Jack is pretty nasty. What I'd like would be some indication as to why she was with him - a subtle suggestion that he had some redeeming features. The chapters read smoothly and well. I liked the way that from Chapter 2 Ailish comes through in a more detailed way through the interaction with Dave and his perceptions of her. I wonder if you need to make Ailish's memories of the story told by her grandmother have more detail and emotional resonance so that her preoccupation with it is completely credible. Not that it lacks credibility but I found her breaking in to the house a tad unreasonable. I have backed the book and would be happy to buy it off the shelf. I would like to read how it all works out, All the best Marilyn Jenkins (The Legacy of Alice Waters).

An absolutely incredible idea for a supernatural novel. Demons, witchcraft, magic: all the ingredients for an escape from reality. Great cover art. Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Backed The Springfield Curse. Beautiful cover. Loved the first chapter with the car chase. Lots of imagery and description, We’ll be reading more of this fast-paced novel!
CC Brown
Dark Side

There is nothing here to denigrate, contemplate reparation or even criticise. Your writing is of the highly crafted and polished design that we all look to replicate. I have enjoyed reading the extrapolation of Ailish's character as the uploaded parts move through the narrative.

Your control of structure is evidenced in the slowing and speeding of the narrative as the different characters take over their own part of the work. As we see each dipped into the intrigue we, as reader are given the ultimate chance to see what lies beneath. That is authorial control.

The dialogue gives no gaps between the events and that seamless writing is spectacularly solid in expression.

BACKED

Dear Sandy,
Your pitch is so powerful, it drew me in, hook, line and sinker. I have so little time to read a full manuscript, the demands of the site make it extremely time consuming, I do however back novels on the strength of their pitch, and I love thriller, romance and crime genres, I'm going to back this book, because it displays such strength. I truly would have no hesitation buying this novel from a bookstore having read the synopsis alone.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Sandy Sampson:

This is a very intriguing read. You asked us to get into the characters. Here are some of the things I noticed in the read.

The Ailish character is flushed out thoroughly in Chapter 1. We see both her apprehension to continue her relationship with Jack and her hesitancy over Jack's decision to out run the cops. Her tension builds as she realizes that Jack is having an affair with some other woman--the smell of perfume provides the clue. Jumping out of the car to avoid being charged along with Jack for having drugs, seemed a good idea until she saw the report flash over the TV screen.

Jack's character, like Ailish's is well drawn. What is unclear though is how he looks. I'm picturing an older man, as I read about Jack, one thats disheveled, with a stubby bearded, around 45ish. I had this image in my head the whole time I read about him. Then you get to the TV announcement only to learn that he is 20 - 25. I think more could be done in terms of letting us see what he looks like, but then I guess no harm is being done if we, as readers, just put a face on the character.

The sentence: "Then she stripped out of her clothes, tossed them in a pile in the middle of the floor, and padded to the kitchen" (Poor choice of word)

Consider: Replacing 'padded' with 'went.'

The sentence: "a quiet thing, followed by the familiar creak of the outside door hinges woke her with a start." (Awkward use of the word start)

Consider dropping 'with a start', from the sentence all together. We picture what you are saying without it.

Questionable: Since Ailish is clearly afraid of what Jack is going to do to her, I find it totally unbelievable that she would not MAKE certain that the door was locked after she entered that house. But then, you build a certain amount of tension with characters doing foolish things.

Personally I believe that the chapter should have ended where Ailish jumped from the car. You want to give the reader something to wonder about. This would be a perfect time to get inside of her head. (Cliff hanger)

You've done a fantastic job with these chapters. I really enjoyed the read. The above are only my OPINION; use as you see fit. (Backed)

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

Ailish is very brave to consider going into the dead man's house alone to speak to his son. However that was established in the first chap when she was a passenger in a car being chased by the police. The imagery of this scene was excellent. The fast pace and believable dialogue earns your book a place on my shelf. Regards, Anne

Excellent pace to your story so far...the car chase is very well described...as if the reader is in the car also...this is very convincing as is the dialogue
Best wishes
Stewart

This is a well thought out plot with characters that become real through your vivid descriptions. YOu have a marvelous voice and tone that keeps the reader turning the pages. Every once in awhile I am surprised at a book that I wouldn't pick up since it is out of my genre. Not that I'm a genre snob, but this is so well written that I liked it enough to back it.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Hi Sandy
This is superbly put together. Really excellent interplay between the well thought out characters. A nice bubbling plot and the promise of more to come. Backed yesterday.
Hope you're tip top,
John (Head, Heart & Trousers).

Ailish is smart, capable and likable. You flesh her out well. Your imagery is cinematic. For example, your description of Jack accelerating the car. Not only can I see it, I can hear, smell and feel it. You enrich your narrative with clever similies such as 'like flies around a rotten apple.' Your dialogue is crisp and drives your story forward. Your world-building is effective. Your pacing kept me riveted. This is a well-crafted, engaging paranormal. Backed.

Well crafted and solid.
Backed.

A masterful beginning, truly. I was reading along, really appreciating your gift with dialogue, how you are able to make it so realistic and interesting and yet give us insight into the characters through it. It had the feel of a slowly developing character-driven piece for a while and then...wham! Right into an action-packed scene. You do everything well. The pace is good; the characters are believable; the story grabs us and doesn't let go. I really enjoyed this; great job.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Fair critters, Group F

You have a brilliant way of writing action. The scenes are very vivid and gripping.

'there ain't much worse than a re-formed durggie who thinks she's better than the rest of us . . .' this line of dialogue doesn't quite come across as authentic, but as an unconvincing way the author has tried to inject some back-story, especially as he talks of his partner in the second person.

'the birthday you got in a few months.' I realise that it's her 30th, but do people really discuss birthdays a few months in advance? Perhaps next week, or a few weeks away at most. Also, 30 these days is seriously young. Perhaps if she were going on 40?

'. . . the dark road . . .' this phrase is a bit weak to tell the reader that it's night-time. I only realised it was night when the police officer 'shined his flashlight'.

'when she turns on the local news station . . .' this comes across as contrived, too obvious. Perhaps say she turned on the radio, which was tuned to the local news station. The news (something dreary) failed to grab her interest. She was about to change channels, but her ears pricked up . . .

Finally, the last paragraph of chapter 1, as you are probably aware, needs a lot more work, more information about numbers dialled, the voice on the other line, emotions etc.

Laith

Hi Sandy, I hope you're well.

I've really enjoyed reading three chapters of your book. You have a good, easy to read style, even with the accents, and the story shoots along with the same 400 horse-power as the chased car.

The first chapter establishes our main character and the whole thing is very easy to visualise. One thing that struck me was how come she hadn't smelled the perfume before? He had been smoking and that would have hidden the smell and then he opened the window, making even less likely she'd have detected it then and not earlier (just a thought).

Great car chase --just the right length and we're with her in the 'hot' seat and happy she escapes.

Then, it appears she is cleared of that as they are only interested in the driver (who must surely reappear at some point).

Joe tells his tale and the mystifying subject of spontaneous combustion is raised -- Ailish tells her grandmother's a story. Stranger and stranger -- contrasting nicely with the previous ordinary conversation at the table between Ailish and Brenda.

We meet Dave and the romance element is introduced (possibly, except he's a good boy and Ailish likes bad ones).

Sam is interviewed and it sure looks mighty suspicious. But that would be too simple, right?

I'd read more, but time won't allow. I wish it was in paperback.

Bravo, backed with pleasure.

Best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Hi Sandy,

The Springfield Curse is incredible. Fast paced, believable characters and a great storyline. You got it all. Only one minor nit pick. When they are stopped at the check point she turns off the ignition after the cop walks away. It would seem more natural for Jack to do it when the cop asks. I don't think the cop would walk away until they complied. just a minor thing and a personal opinion.

This is a great story and your cover is great too.

backed
Pamela Frost
aka scatteredfrost
Houses of Cards

I am beginning to like Ailish. Nice flowing story in the right voice. Not sure about the staccato rhythm of the rain and 'tyres' that only grab. But minor irritations. Good work and backed. Gordon (The Harpist of Madrid)

Great introduction to both characters. The more I read, the ore I liked the MC but in the first paragraph or two she seemed overly harsh- since you didn't have a history to understand why she came off as such a bitch but by the time the drugs under the seat were mention I wanted to smack Jack myself, so all was forgiven.

I love your descriptions too. Very good job at setting the tone and painting the world.

I think how you have opened this is very good. You get a sense of character in both Ails and Jack, the dialogue grounding the story in time and place whilst also driving the storyline along. This has an authentic feel to it, which hooked and engaged me into reading more. Good pace, good story – well told. – Good luck.

Hi Sandy,
I will try and be critical but first the parts that I really liked. The pace was amazing, I was in the car as he feathered it. Some amazing descriptions that really painted a wonderful and vivid picture. Although I noticed some phrases used in quick succession, like the moon peeking out and the phrase, just long enough to . . . Another area which you excel in is your dialogue, it was riveting and I wished there was more of it, especially from Ailish.

Very Nice read, thank you.

Carver

I love the way you twist a thrill with the car speeding out of control, sex with him putting his hand on her thigh, and comedy her comments to him together making for a very interesting and capitivating start of you book. The cop shining the flash light was a nice touch. I love your attention to detail. I like how you keep the reader aware to little things even as insignification as the change from rain to mist. And keep me ever so aware of the time of day like when you comment about the moon in the sky. I don't know if you have ever watched the movie, "The Long Kiss Goodnight", but it's one of my favorite movies. You book has a quality that reminds me of that movie with you little tongue in cheek. Excellent piece of work. I will be happy to back this work.

I have read your pitch and I like it. Sound like this is going to be a good book.

Sandy ill be at critical as I can but it may be difficult. Firstly I liked your pitch it was edgy and factual. The storyline zapped in from the start personally I cant understand what Ailish was doing with Jack in the first oplace he seems a right prat and she seems to be a bit too sophisticated to be mixing with him. I like the point that he turnd and the errieness you created when she thought he had turned up at the house. He swang a little too quickly from a guy who wanted to take her on a trip to one who was threatening to murder her.

regards Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you like it

Very nice story. It needs a little work. At times you add the word (the) when it is not needed. Some sentences need to be revised for a clearer read. Cutting out the unnecessay words will make it all the better. A good rule is if you don't need it, don't use it. Wish I could remember where one specific on I wanted to use as an example is, but now I can't find it. Just my luck. Wish they had inline critiques here. That would make it easy to point out the little oversights we miss during edits. All in all it is very good. I have bought books that can not compare with what you have. Backed

Nick
Invasion From Within

Hi Sandy!
I am really enjoying your book so far. It has just the right amount of fast paced action and the eerie feeling of a creepy ghost story.
I'm not sure about the other characters, but I find Ailish well filled out. I especially like her thoughts about her ex-roomate letting her thighs get flabby and becoming a republican! I can also relate to Ailish's feelings on her birthday! I am still not over the fact that I turned thirty (that was three years ago already). You really tuned into her perspective there.
I haven't read far enough to get a good feel for the cops, but I laughed when Dave offered Joe the pastry after the mention of exploding innards and whatnot.
I backed this because I could see myself buying it.

Good luck!
Christa

this flow very well and appears to need a very small amount of editing...very good work...on wl
su dan...read SEASONS...

Excellent opening chapter. If I was looking in a bookshop, I'd buy it. Lean, pacey writing that hooked me in and had me reading more than I'd intended.

Only possible bit I stumbled over:
Chapter 2
When Joe is telling Dave about Ailish, I think he's giving too much information. Would be better to just say, 'Brenda's friend from high school' and leave out the bit about being her 'brief college room mate'.

But that's such a minor thing. The rest of this book is major!

Backed with envy.

I have read the chapters you have uploaded and thought the writing was great. Ailish and Dave seem perfect foils for one another. The only character that confused me a bit was Joe. When he was at home, he seemed a polite, easy going man, but then at work he was impatient, almost boorish. Now, people are like that, behaving differently at home than at work. The source of my confusion was that Dave's behavior was the same as Joe at home. It was a little difficult visualizing who was who.
I had to think hard to find anything to criticize, and what I've said above seems really picky. I'm no editor, that's for sure. Good luck with this. Jen

Hi Sandy, I like the book (atleast the part Ive read. I think Ailish is a very strong character and the mystery deepens with the death of Sam's father and the old woman who died 70 years ago. I like it and hope to read more. I BACK the book. Harold Alvin (ICON)Wesley

Your cover is quite illustrative of your story - very compelling. Myster and horror isn't quite my thing, but I enjoy your writing style. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

A very accomplished piece of writing. Taut and well paced, and characters well drawn. jack's an ass from the moment he opens his mouth. The chase is really well executed and even her at home is tense and edgy. Overall a very professional manuscript. Backed.

Sandy,
I knew this was going to be good, and I read with your POV points in mind. You do it all very well. I'll go through this and study it--I mean that as the highest form of flattery. By the second paragraph, I'm cheering for Ailisha and cursing Jack. Now, I have my fingers crossed that she'll make the right decision. My one nit would be--how can anyone fall asleep in a bathtub? I can see this on the way to the publisher too.l I'm proud to back.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Thriller, romance, crime...what a combination! I didn't really know what to expect when |I began reading this, but I soon became engolfed in the story and your writing flowed with such ease, it just encouraged more and more reading. Fans of this genre will no doubt love this and I wish you the best of luck in making this a success.
Backed!
Aimee

You've got good action, and a really strong and consistent voice for Ailish in chapter 1, and through her eyes we get a great introduction to Jack too. I also liked your technique for giving us a physical descripyion of them, via the news bulletin. Add all that to the intriguing pitch and the polished writing (the only line I didn't like: Heedless of the brown footprints.. - I'd have: Ignoring...) and you have a great story here.

Hi Sandy,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

The first chapter is quite catching. I have backed it on that and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it soon!
-Dusty
Sick

It's plain who's the smartest between Ailish and Jack, 'the shot had gone right over his head'. Nope, he's not very smart, 'Safe Driver Weekend'. She's not that much smarter (or is it misfortune?) to be with him in the first place. She makes a neat exit though. BTW excellent way to sneak in a description.

Hm, a bizarre case for Joe, and Ailish collects such stories ... spontaneous combustion? 'The place reeked of sulfur, didn't it?' ... and on to witchcraft. Not spontaneous combustion, but an interesting explanation of what might cause that. The 'least implausible' explanation in this case may be that of Ailish.

Sam, 'I'm not at liberty', another mystery. Good trick with the odometer. No getting a peek at the crime scene for Ailish, 'a lock big enough to hold an elephant'. Oops, bad move with the back door. 'Didn't strike her as vicious or evil', like she has a good record of judging men. 'Just said she was his assistant' ... 'long black hair' ... how long? And Jack is not going to stay down after all.

Characters

I was mildly surprised that Ailish considered turning Jack in, despite everything. Most of my questions about her are answered before or in Chapter 4, which is fine by me. She has much more curiosity than sense, but a strong instinct for survival. She's also bloody reckless and stubborn. I'm guessing Danny was a boyfriend sometime before Jack.

Brenda is the anything-for-a-quiet-life wifely sort, and Joe, a typical hard-worked, stressed and straight thinking cop, leavened with kindness but quick to explode.

Sam is perhaps the most thoroughly described character and we get to see more expressions / gestures / actions in this first exchange with him than in earlier conversations (maybe revisit those). He has a clipped voice that matches his neatness and slyness.

The first Sam scene is also where Dave comes alive, thinking on his feet and taking the initiative, and then continues to play a much stronger role, with a streak of mild sarcasm. He's less jaded than Joe. I suspect (as Joe does) that Dave and Ailish have a potential for entanglement.

I like it that Ailish and Dave both have instincts that they trust.

This is an excellent start to a slow-burning but gripping crime story with layers of mystery building up and menace coming from all sides: criminal, supernatural, maybe even Sam. The writing is superb, though I think it still needs a bit more detail here and there. Excellent characterisation as well. I'm not much of a horror story reader, but I'd buy and read this.

Possible nits: Check the use of 'hustled' as 'walked'; it's good but noticeable, so perhaps only use sparsely and spread out (or maybe it's more common in the US). I'd have liked a pause in the story-telling at Joe's to glimpse Joe and/or Brenda. 'When she paused to catch her breath', use her name instead of 'she' here. 'and then brief college roommate', leave off 'then brief', he doesn't need to be quite so detailed at this point. 'He pulled his ??? out of his pocket', and a few more gaps in the last chapter.

Excellent work. I really enjoyed this.
Frank

I really enjoyed your first chapter, Sandy. It's not something I usually read, but I think it was well-written. It flowed and was easy to read. I felt for Ailish, and hope everything turns out all right for her in the end. Good luck with this :)

Sandy,

Great car chase in the opener, and the second chapter is interesting too, though the grandmothers story might have gone on longer than I would like.

You said you wanted comments on the characters. Two chapters into it and I don't have a real strong sense about Ailish. You develop your subsidiary characters well, better than your protagonist. I had a good feel for the ex boy friend, and the cop, but the only sense I have of Ailish is that she has come to her senses about drugs and men, and risky behavior, but she doesn't quite know who she is yet.

Your writing is very descriptive and I could sense the tension. The coarseness of the characters is depicted well, although it is not always very easy to read. It is a good plotline and well written. I struggled to like the characters though which did not really compel me to read on with enthusiasm. I feel that this will appeal to a large audience and is perhaps aimed at the age range of late teens/early twenties. Best wishes - Paula (Cuthbert: How Mean is My Valley?)

I am enjoying this. It has pace,character and puzzle. It is well written without cliches and I'd buy it anytime. Backed.

Hi Sandy. Stumbled over this and the premise sounded right up my street so thought I'd take a look. Please bear in mind I am just a writer, not an editor, so can only say how I found it as a reader. Very strong, atmospheric first chapter - visceral and great use of all the senses made it very real. My only stumble was right at the very beginning when a couple of phrases seemed a little overblown for my taste - 'demonic twist of the lips' and 'crimson point of fire'... But then you were off and away and my pad stayed pretty well empty. I really like the way you get round the 'oh God not the looking in the mirror' problem of how to get over the description - love the car radio idea - fab.
Chapter Two - I was at sea for the first few pars as was wondering how much later this was... but I guess it doesn't really matter.
Loved the description of 'think starving puppy with red and purple spiked hair'. I've got a really clear picture and feel for Ailish. The others not so much (but I've only read the first three chaps) - well, Brenda, Joe and Dave anyhow. Sam is clear - and well-portrayed. Another stumble though - 'I'm not at liberty' to tell them where he came from - and they don't push it? That seemed way off to me - but then I dunno, I'm not a police officer.

I'd read this. Very happily. I don't see any major problems. I did wonder if the telling of the story (of the witch burning) was a little long and gave away a little too much at first - but I reconsidered.

Don't know if that is helpful at all. Happy to back you anyhow.

This book is insanely good. I can't even begin to critique it. The writing is tight, the dialogue sharp and I don't want to stop reading.
Backed with awe.

(Sandy, coming from such an accomplished writer, I'm going to pay close attention to that review)