Protected

*For some reason the cover isn't showing. I will try to fix that soon.*
****Author's Note****

Hello! Than you for your interest in Protected! Here are some things you should know about it before commenting/reading!

--Protected will be around 17 chapters long completed. I am writing/editing the other chapters and will post them periodically. Let me know if you wish to be alerted when that happens. I'd be happy to let you know.

--Comment away! Good, bad, ugly, let me know. That is why I am here. Honestly, I would love to be reviewed by HC, but I came here to get feedback to help me grow. So before I can even think about HC's I need yours!

--No, I am not saying I don't want to be picked. Only pick Protected if it's worth it. I don't want charity or obligation. I want to get to the top five because I deserve it. That is it.

--The cover that is up is just something I drew for an idea. It is messy and fairly soon will be replaced. But for now it works.

--Thank you to all who have ever supported this story. Yes, it is a romance but you gave it a chance and found something for than just the usual. Thank you. <3

--Rin

P.S. I have a song and Bible verse for Protected. I try to have one of each for the stories I write. That way if I start to forget WHY I am writing it, I can look back and recenter my creative process. It gets a bit messy sometimes, you see. The song for Protected is Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJbrc8nnQCo (I like this version because you can read the words and really focus on the message). This song can be applied in many ways. I think this is where Tyler's heart is, but in the situations, everything spirals out of control and he doesn't always end up making the most logical choice. This is one of my favorite songs. The verse for Protected is more of the Protection Tyler longed to give Allison, but really only God can give. Because who is Protecting Tyler? He can't do it on his own, yet he tries. Ironically, the verse is in Psalms which is basically the songs of the Bible. Psalm 12:5 -- '"Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise," says the Lord. "I will protect them from those who malign them."' If you read the verse after, it talks about how God's words are flawless and how fitting. Tyler said he would protect Allison, but how could he? He is not perfect. He needed protection himself. Also, malign means basically to cut down with evil words. Allison's situation was much worse. Pointing to what Tyler and Allison needed all along. Not earthly protection. Nope. That isn't good enough. Cheers!

What I like best about this opening bit is the wistful, sort of melancholy yet romantic mood that you convey. Really, it starts off almost feeling like a dream sequence and I liked that. I would caution you to think about reducing some of the commentary between bits of dialogue. By this I mean that you don't always have to describe HOW something is being said or WHAT the character is doing between speaking. It slows the pace and becomes a bit distracting. Sometimes a simple "he said" suffices, because the reader can get many of the inferences you're trying for simply by what the character says. All in all, a good story and solid writing.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Very difficult to produce congruent passion however you have got it right on the button –Very good!
I think you do a very good job fleshing out character especially with the dialogue and have captured something very special in the storyline. To me this is a impressive piece of writing. – Good luck

HI Katie, A very interesting Story, The promise kept and the failure of that promise but he defended it to the best of his ability. Now he faces a courti martial and perhaps jail and a dishonorable discharge. I await for the conclusion of this action pack novel. I BACK it! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

This is a passionate romance. I don't know why they're so rare - maybe writers are frightened of passion. Thank goodness you're not. The strength with which you draw your characters lives up to their strength of feeling. Only one cavil - in the pitch, the line beginning 'Now, with Tyler's world...' doesn't make sense to me. Excellent book, though. Backed. Lynn

Katie, I like the true-to-life dialogue in your prologue. Nothing to nitpick in that section.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Hi Katie
This has all the makings of a clasic love story, but is quite original and the pitch is interesting. The dialogue at the start is great and really gives us a feel for their relationship. You seem have have been able to create deeper characters than is the norm for this type of story. I'm not a big reader of romances, but this one had me hooked.
DP Walker
Five Dares

The start of a good love story as the marine goes of to war. I like the writing especially the dialouge which is so well written. I am backing this and hope to see it at the top.
Take a look at mine, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story. Hope you like it and will help it along. JohnJ.

Diolouge and charcters were polished and the wriiting flows well throughout. C W

Yes, the pitch does need a little work. But oh, the heartbreak! I just love relentless passion stories! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Your pitch is fine until I got to "Now, with Tyler's world crashing . . . " After that, something went awry.

Julie Farkas
Morning Call

Nice job Katie!
I L-O-V-E-E reading books from the male POV. I mean, that's what die hard readers of romance are really after...right? Tyler shows a lot of emotion, early, and I'm curious to see what else you have on tap for him. His concern for Allison jumps out at you.

Puzzled about one thing though. Why is Tyler's captain so hesitant to explain what happened to Katie? And how is Tyler a sargent after only five months in the military? I know, I know...I have to read more than 2 chapters to find out.

I will with pleasure.
Backed,
Lu-Lu

Hi Katie -- just finished this. Very nice. Keep writing.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Hi Katie, The style hones into the essence of Allison and Tyler’s conversation. It’s spare and reflects well the military scene in the second chapter. Tyler’s asking permission to speak in order to find out how Allie got into the hospital really climaxed that scene. The challenges here from the personal and the military, along with the straightforward telling, make for a pressing read. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Katie,

Beautiful lyrical writing. A pleasure to back,

January

The dialogue flowed well and and you have very good characterization. I enjoyed the story. Good luck.

Tina
(Undesirable Circumstances)

I really enjoyed the opener; there's a lot of character depth for a romance. I also like it's being written from the man's POV. Glad to back your novel.

Connie Chastain
Southern Man

I enjoyed this a great deal. There was a lot more to it than you first suspect. I'd happily curl up in bed with it! Backed!

N. Moore
Vicar of Wrynbury

dear Katie,
I love that you chose a song for your book and I like the cover and the title a lot.
I also love the beginning- with stars. I see that others don't like it. Perhaps this is the difference between men's story telling and women's story telling.
Keep writing girl.
A Zoomer
Going Out in Style

A finely crafted, well paced and well written romance novel. The dialogue is good, your use of imagery is excellent, your character development of Tyler is superb and I especially like the first person narrative. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

After reading the 16 chapters uploaded here, I could not find any major faults. The characters are much more than what they initially are presented as, and your ability to develop them over time is a great skill. The underlying theme of romance is there, despite the dark twist the story takes. Overall, I enjoyed reading this, and it's my pleasure to back it.

Amy
Love Match

The first paragraph needs to be tighter. It seems the guy is head over the woman but she announces he's leaving??
In betwen the dialogue some clearer lines about what is really happening. But I did enjoy reading it and this will be super if you can rmove the extra unwanted wording that does not give depth.

Backed

Ok, I'm really straying out of genre here but you asked for honesty! Don't shoot the messenger.
I write very tight sentences so found your writing very wordy, there is a saying less is more. If you look down your chapters a lot of the paragraphs start with I, you need to vary this to hold the readers attention.

Your dialogue is good and you make us care about the characters, but in my opinion this still needs work.

Give me a nudge in a couple of weeks and I'll consider backing it then.

Melxx

Welcome aboard, Katie. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch should be just that last sentence. With the long pitch, expand on the story arch and then break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question to pique interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Incredible story; one I can definitely picture on a bookshelf; even as a movie! Well-written. I didnt have time to get past ch 13, curious what happens?

Happily Backed
Denise

Dear Katie,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

PROTECTED
The pitch implied (for me) that this was going to be a gentle romance. By chapter 3, it’s obvious this is going to be much more. And that’s good. Tyler is a good narrator for the story; he’s brave and totally in love so becomes sympathetic when Allison is hurt. You might look at your pitch; when it says “Allison captured Tyler” I thought it meant she literally tied him up somewhere. Should that be “captivated”? or would it be clear to just say Tyler was head over heel in love with her? Either way, this is a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Protected
Katie Oostman

Katie,
You have a very nice cover - I love it. Did you do the artwork on it yourself? You have a nice storyline here and one which has a lot of potential. Your short pitch is very good but I thought you could expand your long pitch to provide a little more detail. Seems like a very intriguing romance and I enjoyed what I read so far. Happy to have given this a spin on my shelf.
Zan

Exciting and well written with plenty of anguish
and suspense. Shelved with best wishes.
I liked the character development how Tyler
improves as it goes on
mikegilli The Free

Very confidently written but very 'girly'. The term 'stars filled her eyes, each winked at me' seems strange. It would be a strange gesture and if they both 'winked' simultaneously it should be blinked. If that is someone else quotation I think I would dump it because it distracts from your style. There is potential here and you should do very well on the site where everyone will be able to help. Good luck Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Hey,

So I just read the Prologue, and I like the basic idea you have for the story. I also like how you have established their relationship with both strengths and insecurities from the beginning. However, I feel that your writing needs to be more descriptive. There is a lot of dialogue, but not enough description of their emotions, physical descriptions, or surroundings. I think that if you add those in you will "flesh out" your story more and it will be flow much more smoothly.

Hope that helped! :)

~Jessica

Confident writing, very enjoyable.
Backed with pleasure and best wishes,
M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

From what I have read so far, I have to say, that I have genuinley enjoyed what I read so far. Congratulations on this. You can write, really.

Backed with pleasure.

Hope you get the chance to take a peep at mine.

Sincerly
Brendan Doherty
The Russian Hat

*For some reason the cover isn't showing. I will try to fix that soon.*
****Author's Note****

Hello! Than you for your interest in Protected! Here are some things you should know about it before commenting/reading!

--Protected will be around 17 chapters long completed. I am writing/editing the other chapters and will post them periodically. Let me know if you wish to be alerted when that happens. I'd be happy to let you know.

--Comment away! Good, bad, ugly, let me know. That is why I am here. Honestly, I would love to be reviewed by HC, but I came here to get feedback to help me grow. So before I can even think about HC's I need yours!

--No, I am not saying I don't want to be picked. Only pick Protected if it's worth it. I don't want charity or obligation. I want to get to the top five because I deserve it. That is it.

--The cover that is up is just something I drew for an idea. It is messy and fairly soon will be replaced. But for now it works.

--Thank you to all who have ever supported this story. Yes, it is a romance but you gave it a chance and found something for than just the usual. Thank you. <3

--Rin

P.S. I have a song and Bible verse for Protected. I try to have one of each for the stories I write. That way if I start to forget WHY I am writing it, I can look back and recenter my creative process. It gets a bit messy sometimes, you see. The song for Protected is Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJbrc8nnQCo (I like this version because you can read the words and really focus on the message). This song can be applied in many ways. I think this is where Tyler's heart is, but in the situations, everything spirals out of control and he doesn't always end up making the most logical choice. This is one of my favorite songs. The verse for Protected is more of the Protection Tyler longed to give Allison, but really only God can give. Because who is Protecting Tyler? He can't do it on his own, yet he tries. Ironically, the verse is in Psalms which is basically the songs of the Bible. Psalm 12:5 -- '"Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise," says the Lord. "I will protect them from those who malign them."' If you read the verse after, it talks about how God's words are flawless and how fitting. Tyler said he would protect Allison, but how could he? He is not perfect. He needed protection himself. Also, malign means basically to cut down with evil words. Allison's situation was much worse. Pointing to what Tyler and Allison needed all along. Not earthly protection. Nope. That isn't good enough. Cheers!