Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 69671
date submitted 14.05.2010
date updated 29.10.2011
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
incomplete

Purple Eyes

J.P. Juedes

For a select few, the world is ending.

 

Three cities have mysteriously been covered in shadow. A farmboy named Tesley is thrust into a future where skyscrapers are thousands of stories high, the weather is controlled, and teleporting is the only way to travel. He must root out the culprits of this act, as well as sort out the history of his family and build his own confidence. While those behind the shadows will do anything to ensure no one discovers their secret, Tesley finds himself falling in with a group who already has.

The first in the Seeker of Light series. Partially uploaded, complete at 86,000 words.

 
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tags

adventure, epic, fantasy, future, humor, intrigue, magical, mystery, relationship, suspense, technology, teenager, thriller, young adult

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Prologue

 

“Joel’s gotta be kidding me if he thinks I’ll remember.”

The woman frowned at the bricks. Locating the right one was already hard in the tunnel’s gloom, but even worse with a million to pick from: every stinking piece gray, identical, and crumbling to nonentity.    

    Rachel dusted the powder from her earth-shade robes. The feeling made her shiver, the way peeling cakey mud from her socks felt after a walk through the fen. It coated everything down here, especially her hair. Enough days in this sewer-like passage and her locks’ honey luster would turn like an old lady’s. If she was lucky she might finish before then. If things continued like this she’d be dead first. It wasn’t where it was supposed to be!

    Ah-choo!’  

    Sniffle, wipe nose dry, nudge bricks. The process never ended. This wasn’t the kind of thing people did for kicks. Like, let’s go stare at a wall today. Here the world was tumbling into oblivion and she couldn’t find the right bloody brick.

    This little one… no, it wasn’t that small. That chunk… no, it was smoother. Give up? In my dreams.

    Rachel clacked her tongue and folded her arms. She was just about to the point of lining up explosives and blowing the place to the sky. But it must be around here somewhere.

    Rachel bent and brushed another. Paused. Her silver chain necklace dangled in front, the one she’d worn since she was a little girl. Its X shaped facets reflected her bluish eyes like a mirror. Suddenly she remembered. Twenty years and bam! it came back—the destruction, the elderly man, the way she ran down here with the box. He gave her the necklace and told her to—

    She pressed the X flat against the wall.

    Click.

    A crease formed and ran in a square. It broadened to a deep crack and, slowly, a panel scraped open. Gray dust billowed out from the darkness like a tide.    About time.       

    Rachel inched inside, blinking. She drew her handlight. It cut through the black just enough to make out shelves. Pale wood, hundreds of them filing out of sight. 

    She went down the center aisle.

    Packages sat upon the shelves. The color of ash and smell of rotten leaves. Each one unique to a purpose known only to their owner. Some probably had assorted canned food or water. Others more personal things like teddy bears. The child could have forgotten to come back. But Rachel knew better. The last raid has no warning. The city hadn’t had the time to find shelter.

    Rachel thrust this from her mind before it could cause her emotions harm. “Eighth shelf, third from the left…” she murmured, moving with care.  She ran her fingers along each cold flap, caressing them, wondering about the last person to touch them; when that was, what were they thinking. We’re safe, they were thinking. If only that had been true.

    She stopped and pushed a crate to the side—it toppled and fell with an upside-down thump. She reached into the space and drew out a fist-sized box, mottled with mold and with a drop of something brownish.

    About how she remembered it, only the drop had been red. And no mold. But then, everything molds after twenty years.

    Rachel passed it between her hands, silently ecstatic at her success. The first beam of hope flashed through her body. Whatever had caused the collapse of that city a few months past couldn’t have been this. Relief. But that only brought up more questions. What did spawn the shadow, if not this? Why were the cities in trouble!?

    A splitting pain shot through Rachel’s hand. She dropped the box and fell against the shelves, bringing a whole load down with her.

When the dust and noise cleared, Rachel looked over her palm. A line of crimson ran across, pinkie to wrist. It welled up and dribbled down her arm. Blood. She had to turn away. Her head became lead and dipped like her head couldn’t hold it anymore. 

    Rachel found herself lying on her back. She didn’t know when she rolled off the pile, but when she saw the pool of red her thoughts launched in a million directions. Survival mode. Her injured right hand couldn’t lift. She flung her left over to tug the sleeve down. She patted the cloth against it. For a second there was burning, then all went numb.

    More time passed; Rachel couldn’t be sure how much. The area was never visited. No chance of help, and she wanted none. As long as she could stand up soon she would be okay.

Beep.

“Rachel, are you there?”

The voice came from her waist—her brother Joel’s. In the confusion, she forgot about her pager. Shaking and slipping between her wet fingers once, she brought it to her ear.

“Did you want something?”

She used her authoritative voice. Bit down on her cheek and spoke through the teeth.

“Rachel, Rachel…” he repeated.

“Yes, that’s my name. Is that all you called to say?”

“It’s just… we have another clue.”

“Another clue to the next city?” Her spirit sunk, and the throbbing in her hand returned. She gasped.

“Number three,” Joel went on, apparently unhearing. He sounded like he’d just wakened from a sleep. Menaphrolis this time. I believe we might just have to go there.”

“How do you know this?”

“It’s big. Just like the others.”

“Is that all you called me for? To tell me it’s big??”

“Well—yeah.”

Rachel couldn’t manage more. She sat slowly up. The box lay a foot from the pool, a hole in one corner—the hole where her hand had covered. Clearly dangerous. Two decades ago, this object caused so much devastation the world turned on its head. Picking something like this up should have called for more than fingers.

Undaunted, Rachel scooted through the pile of other boxes and clutched it from the other side. She wound the sleeve tighter around her cut. Then, swaying, she stood.

Rachel used the shelves for support on the way out. She had to go, and quickly. The opening in the far wall took a thousand merciless steps to grow to a size she could exit. Her blurring eyes made it seem to change size. She bumbled through.

Rachel touched the necklace again and the wall rumbled shut. She decided even if the device in the box wasn’t the cause she’d hold onto it for safekeeping. With such intelligent criminals on the loose there was no telling how soon it could have been discovered. And now another city in their sights? Rachel’s chest knotted sickeningly. It was like her youth all over again.

She turned up the tunnel. The walls and ceiling felt small and yet so did she. It was an odd impression. The sort of place where you had a hard time thinking of anything but escape.

The pager tooted again.

“You know what this means, don’t you?” Joel asked, sounding like he was right beside her.

“Yes, I know,” Rachel said, irked that he wasn’t gone yet.

“Our city’s next.”

“I know. I’ll be right there.”

Rachel clipped the pager back to her waist. Light rayed from an open trapdoor in the roof. A wooden ladder leaned against the rock like a stairway to heaven. Box in one hand and soaked sleeve in the other, Rachel had to clamber up its rungs like a one-armed seal.

She emerged in the middle of a country road. Light, powdery sand paved the way, bordered by pocket-sized fire stones. Ruins lay on either side: concrete plots, tilted walls, all deeply shadowed across the fields in the morning sunlight. Green plants consumed everything in sight, overtaking metal frames, wheels and some other pieces that didn’t seem to belong. Rachel was six when it’d been abandoned—two decades ago—and she remembered it clearly. Apocalypse had been the term at the time. Now it was referred to as the Great Change, the dividing line between the past age and this.

She continued off the road and down a small hill. One object stood out from the rest—a ruby glass booth. She always thought it a little odd, surrounded only by clumps of grass and soil, but stepped in as she had before.

“I’ll be right there,” Rachel repeated to herself.

 

She punched a code into the keypad. A hum began, emanating from every corner of the booth. It grew louder and louder until—POPShe disappeared.

 

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HarperCollins Wrote

‘Purple Eyes’ is an exciting science fiction fantasy set in an intriguing futuristic society. Science fiction is a genre that is really starting to pick up steam in the general young adult market and you’ve certainly crafted an original read.

While your prose is strong and mature, I’d like to talk about your character development and world building. Compelling characters are the foundation of any good novel, and you already have a terrific cast. However, a key characteristic of a young adult novel is that most of the characters are teenagers. Aside from Tesley, everyone else seems to be either in their twenties, thirties, or forties. Consider aging these characters down to a more relatable level to your reader. Rachel and Joel in particular should be around Tesley’s age.

I would also suggest paring back the cast a bit. Although there’s a great team dynamic here, Donald, Frank, and Kenneth feel somewhat interchangeable. Consider combining these characters into one or two people. The less secondary characters you employ, the more the focus will shift to the primaries.

With this thought in mind, try and add more depth to Tesley’s character in the beginning of the novel. The drama with his father is interesting, but what else can we learn about Tesley’s personality from the get-go? I like that Rachel and Joel can tell that there’s something special about Tesley, but does he have to be completely in the dark about what he’s capable of? Try to avoid heavy handed foreshadowing—perhaps it’s better to ease into it with Tesley harboring some kind of secret, but not necessarily understanding its full implications.

Additionally, as Tesley is your protagonist, think about beginning the story with him instead of Rachel—this will prove to be a great help to your reader in understanding right away who the main character is. Since you’ve written this in the third person, you may also want to consider revising so that it becomes a third person close perspective with the focus on Tesley. This will further help the reader to establish a vested interest in him and not get so distracted by the thoughts and feelings of your secondary characters.

I also had a few questions about the sci-fi world that these characters inhabit. It’s clear that this is set in the future as the technology is greatly advanced, but has something significant happened to society that caused such a dynamic change? You have a great knack for writing descriptive passages, so I’d like to encourage you toflesh out the world a bit more. What will make your science fiction world stand out from the crowd? As the plot is contingent on the details of this world, fleshing it out will only help to strengthen the plot as well.

You have certainly accomplished a great deal with ‘Purple Eyes’ and it has a solid foundation to become a marketable and successful novel. I’m so glad I had the opportunity to take a read, and congratulations on being one of the top rated Authonomy authors! Best of luck in moving forward with this project.

chvolkoff wrote 580 days ago

Wow...I am not a sci fi fantasy reader at all...yet this story is so well described and exposed that I found myself compelled to read on. It is very easy to read, and full of very vivid visual descriptions that make the unknown world become as familiar as the streets we live on. When a Sci-Fi story is well written like this, it opens up a door to metaphor, and a distillation of human emotions which is extremely rewarding. Well done, and backed with great pleasure!

scify_guy wrote 579 days ago

Joel,
I just read the first few chapters of your novel and the only word that comes to mind is "WOW", your writing is just simply stunning. While I was reading I completely forgot that I was reading an unpublished manuscript, it is just that good. Your writing is fluid and so realistic--I could picture exactly what was going on. This book is bound not only to be published, but top multiple best-seller lists. Keep up the amazing work!

Scify

sly012468 wrote 587 days ago

Joel,

You have definitely mastered the technique of describing the characters surroundings so well the reader feels like you have reached out and yanked them right into the story. I was immediately imported into the story from the very first paragraph. I felt like I was standing in the murky, dark corridor with the woman, searching for the rough brick right along with her. And your story continues this way throughout, making me feel every minute nuance.

Your style is fluid, making the story a pleasure to read. Although I have only read 5 chapters so far, this is one story that I will definitely finish!

I have certainly backed your story and I must say, this is one story the editors need to snatch up. It will be a best-seller for sure!

Wishing you the best,

Shelly
A Duke from the Past

Dancing In Magic wrote 610 days ago

Your writing style is pretty incredible. It all just flows so much. I've only read a chapter so far, but I am going to keep going until the very end. It grabbed my attention immediately by just how you phrased everything. It kind of reads like a thriller but I enjoy this story much more than I would a thriller. This book is backed and is probably going to end up on my shelf. Amazing, keep up the awesome job. I'm sure I will continue to be amazed at your writing ability as the story progresses.

Sharahzade wrote 737 days ago

PURPLE EYES
Joel Juedes

Age means nothing when you can write like this. You are showing us that you have what it takes.

The world building is exceptionally good. I have been reading Science Fiction for a long time so I fancy that I know a winner when I see one. This is right up there with some of the good ones. Your characters are futuristic and they are comfortable in their own time, yet I can feel Tesley's anxieties over where he finds himself. There's a real balance of the elements that need to be there to convey the story. Action, dialogue, believable characters, unique settings and technology, suspense, mystery, a bit of humor, it's all there nicely spread around to make it hum.

I am only on Chapter Six and I am liking it well enough to read it all. I intend to do that and will give you more comments then.

Thank you so much for backing my book, A King in Time. I sincerely hope you enjoy reading it.

Mary Enck

Mystery Reader wrote 134 days ago

Very well written.
I like the idea for this book.
It starts of super well. It catches the readers attention with an interesting chapter. It sets a mood and an idea.
The cover is amazing as is the pitch.
I read only the first two chapters, but they are very well written and thought out.
I see why it was picked to the desk.
Grand job.

*Reader*

Nightdream wrote 260 days ago

Chapter 1
I skipped the Prologue just like you said. So you understand my comments, I wrote them as I was reading. I didn’t go back if finally I understood things better and noticed I was wrong about some advice. I did it this way so you could see what a reader is thinking while reading it.

“Tesley left school” Put in the school’s name or level. By doing that we will know roughly Tesley’s age and what level he is at. I couldn’t tell and was looking for it. I hate not knowing information that I feel is needed. I rather know it earlier than later. I also wanted a description of Tesley. He’s the main character so right off the bat you should describe what he looks like somehow whether it just be hair or height or even eyes. Right now I have no idea what he looks like.

I think you must state right away what type of book we are dealing (I haven’t read your pitch or summary so I have know idea what it is about). I was guessing it was a middle or high school. Then I read ‘suicidal pillows’. I was confused at that part because I wasn’t thinking it was about magic. I was thinking maybe they needed a class about suicides? I don’t know. Again, I was a little confused. To make it worse, it was joined with ‘homemade noodles’ which to me isn’t magical. It wasn’t until the next line when the professor (now I’m thinking it might be a college, but not sure) speaks about no teleporting that I find out this is a magic school? But still I don’t know the age of the students at this school.

About the character description: You describe everyone really well. It’s just I don’t know what your main character looks like. It’s like a fuzzy image in my head surrounded by clear images.

“saggy, saggy cheeks” what a great visual. inforcing the name twice really made me get a good image of the woman.

What do you mean ‘swoop down into Susie’s nose’? Did the paper airplane actually fly into her nose?

“They just worked there” would it be better if you use ‘studied’ than ‘worked’? I was a bit confused with them working underground. I thought they were going to school underground. However, you could be talking about the school’s staff but I didn’t get that at first.

“already miniscule wooden desk” too much description. I really think you should take it down to desk or wooden desk or seat desk. Sometimes too much description is just too much. If the desk was important, then it’s fine going into detail, but it’s not.

“get this. get this” I don’t think you need to say it twice.

‘Menaphrolis’ this is the second time it was used. I think I would like to know where are we, when in time are we, and what is this school all about. I’m lost. So this school is under the city? Is the city underground, too? I think things should be stated more clearly.

“I betcha he can fly” “or turn invisible” Now, I know for sure we are dealing with a magic school. You might go as far in the first sentence of this chapter when saying the ‘school’ as ‘Mena Magic School’ or ‘Mena High which was a magical school for . . .” I don’t know the name of the school so whatever it may be put it in the first sentence. It will help significantly. Again, I haven’t read your pitch or summary so I know nothing about what this book is about. I like it that way because I enjoy the book better.

Perfect. Put M.E.D.I.C., not abbreviated like this, in the first sentence.

“through this allright” minor error. ‘allright’

“induce a sleep” take a look at this sentence. I think I just don’t get what a ‘sleep’ is yet.

As I am halfway through the chapter or a bit more, I’m still confused. Is this a magic school? Or a school in the future? None of this is clear. But I can tell right away why this story did so well on authonomy. It hooks you in that you want to know about this world. You want to understand it because you just don’t quite get it. I finally get Tesley’s age. I just feel it’s kind of late for that. So we are dealing with a high school-like establishment.

The paragraph about the population was a great moment in the chapter. It’s a pivot in a different direction. Once they said ‘zero’ then I started understanding things a little bit better.

Okay. I am done with the first chapter and have read the pitch and summary for the first time. I think you need to make this clear like in your summary in the beginning of the chapter. Some readers don’t read what’s in the back of the book. They just jump right in. So now I know it’s not a magic school, which I wish I would have known earlier. That’s why it’s important for you to state certain things really clearly. If you don’t, then the reader will be confused.

But what you do have is a superb story so intriguing that the length of the first chapter didn’t bother me. However, I think you should split the chapter in two. It’s too long regardless.

I’m glad I didn’t read the summary beforehand, even if it would make me understand better, you would have lost many of the comments I had, which I think are very important to take a look at.

I have given it 6 stars because it’s story is so powerful and intriguing that I can’t give it anything less.

Professr wrote 305 days ago

I like this story! Your world-building is quite good, and you clearly have a strong understanding of your characters.
The underlying concept is interesting, at least to me, so I'll probably keep this on the watchlist for a couple more days so I can read more.

There are a few grammatical changes that, I think, will really make the story feel more polished. In general, the three main areas to look at are sentence fragmentation, comma rules and word/phrase choice. Remember that this is just my advice, so take it or leave it :) Here are some specifics:

"Locating the right one was already hard in the tunnel's gloom, and even worse..." - "even worse..." is a sentence fragment, so you shouldn't really be using a comma before the conjunction. You could change it to ", and it was even worse...", or you can drop the comma.

"She dusted the powder disgustedly from her earth-shaded robes." The words "dusted" and "disgusted" sound entirely too alike for me. Maybe this would sound better like so: "She brushed the powder disgustedly from her earth-stained robes."

"If things went the way they had been she'd be dead first." This needs a comma: "If things went the way they had been, she'd be dead first."

"She may be unemployed..." This would be better with "might": "She might be unemployed..."

"Here the world was tumbling into oblivion and she couldn't find..." Here's another independent clause that's missing a comma/conjunction pair. Try this: "Here the world was tumbling into oblivion, and she couldn't find..."

"Rachel bent and brushed another, paused." Maybe "Rachel bent and brushed another, then paused."?

These are just a few examples, and it *does* get better in the second chapter ;) I know it's incomplete, so you probably haven't finished (or maybe started?) editing, so take all this with a grain of salt.

There does seem to be a little bit of a disconnect between the into and the first chapter; I found myself wondering where the newly-introduced characters went and why I had to know about them in the first few pages. It seemed a little strange that Rachel didn't act more confused or thrown off by the interior of the necklace-accessed secret passage. What are all the other objects on the shelves, and why doesn't she know what they are - especially if she acts so familiar with the space?

I'm sure this is revealed later, and the intro can always be tightened up during revision anyway.

Ivan Amberlake wrote 361 days ago

What a wonderful book “Purple Eyes” is! You are such a talent, Joel! I’ve had an amazing journey with Tesley, Joel, Rachel, Alison. The book brims with fast-paced action and sparkling humor. It’s no wonder I’ve read it all! By the way, thank you so much for making the rest of the book public! I wish to know where all the people go after the shadow covers another city. That is highly intriguing! Another thing I long to know is who the Imperator is. I’m really looking forward to reading Part 2 “Bound Hearts”.

Best regards,
Ivan

Undeserved Blessed by God wrote 366 days ago

You have my attention, young man. I can not believe you are only 18 years old. I can only imagine what you will be writing in your 30's and 40's. I enjoyed this 1st chapter and will read more.

aurorawatcher wrote 370 days ago

I've read the first four chapters now and will read more. You've built a very believable world. As I read, I felt that I was there. Your descriptions are very rich. And the concept of massive city-towers is a great one! However, your characterizations need some work. Tesley seems like he'll one day become a multi-dimensional character, but there are things missing. He's alone, but he really doesn't seem to be worried about his father. Dad maybe wasn't a great parent, but trust me, when the only person you know disappears, you worry about them. Another jarring note for me was when Tesley, who had been so sheltered his entire life, knew that Donald was a bachelor by the way he treated the drink glasses. What in his experience would have told him that?

I suspect that Tesley has an important future in this world of yours. It's good that we don't know it yet, because it keeps us reading. I look forward to reading the rest.

Lauri (Lela Markham, The Willow Branch)

aurorawatcher wrote 383 days ago

This is good sci fi. Way back in the 1980s, a college professor of mine used to talk about building massive tower cities so that the countryside could be left pristine. He thought it would be utopia. I've played with the idea before, but never got very far. You, however, see to have brought that vision to life.

I've watchlisted your book so I can read it. If it stays as good as the first chapter, I'll put it on my bookshelf.

Dilettante wrote 394 days ago

Short chapters or is that just for Authonomy? Otherwise good. Hope you gte a good review.

Dilettante wrote 394 days ago

Short chapters or is that just for Authonomy? Otherwise good. Hope you gte a good review.

Tracy Eisa wrote 427 days ago

Hi J.P.

I think you really know the story so well you have cherry picked almost your strongest visuals to show us but I must admit I got to the end of chapter 2 and I'm slightly confused.

In your first chapter you introduce two people, and I had to go back to your synopsis to be sure I was reading the right book, as Tesley doesn't appear until chapter 2. At the end of chapter 2 I get that she is in the sky and he is on the ground but I still don't know enough. You tantalise with snippets of the terrors but the complete lack of angst he shows that his father has gone into the shadow doesn't sit quite right.

I will say however that I do get a clear sense of place but you dart around with your descriptives quite a bit and maybe if you could throw in all the sensory information whilst you set say Tesley up in a more ordered way it would maybe flow better for me. It's just a thought.

With regards to it being a sci-fi then yes you do this quite successfully without being too glaring but I need more of a sense of what the stakes are personally for Rachel, and for Tesley who without his father is going in after him because ... he has nothing better to do? or is it because he realises he will starve if he stays out in the middle of nowhere when sustainable farming isn't needed? and why is he the only teenager left and did he know any of the others at all before they left too?

I can really visualise the story you are telling but I need these initial chapters to be tighter for me to read on and I look forward to seeing how you do as I think you really know this world you are telling us about.

Best of luck.

E. Apanda wrote 434 days ago

This is jaw-dropping. Why is this not published yet!?! I think you're a very expreienced writer, and you defeintetly know how to paint a scene for a reader. I know you've gotten a lot of "Wows" but this is one of I'm sure, breathtaking novels you'll write.

E. Apanda

tomewriter wrote 436 days ago

Long golden hair is so overused, it's nauseating. Dare to be different. Can bricks tell stories? A faint click came from within what? A brick? Didn't know they clicked. Apparently she's in a dark, narrow, deserted hall way, why would she look about, surely she'd know if someone was near. A warehouse would be a rather large cavernous room, is that what you're trying to convey, or is a smaller room and is the ceiling rising and walls extending while she's inside the room. Confusion here. Boxes gray --- this sentence doesn't make sense. Also, would you go into a room where the ceiling was crumpling? Aisle after aisle passed -- where are they going? They paused on one -- what paused? Using a word, like pause, more than once is called an echo. If the box was old and moldy, how would she know the spot was blood? She smiled, patting it's place, doesn't make sense. A reader wants to read the story, not between the lines. If she's in a dark hallway, how can she see where she's walking if the torches are out or going out as she passes? Seems she'd be groping along. The box is in her hands, I thought it was in her robes. Is the hallway smoky? If not, murky is not the word you want there. She plans on using the 'whatever' to stop the murky hall from changing -- very confusing. You have another echo in that sentence. Occasionally an echo can be used for effect, but using them like salt and pepper isn't good. Rays of light -- this is a terrible paragraph that needs a rewrite or omit all together and the following paragraph is even worse.

Sorry, that's as far as I can go. I tried, but all the editing and revision that needs to be done is exhausting. I know trying to get your first piece of work published is tiring, but I'm sure HC will give you a more diplomatic critique on your young adult, fantasy and I'm sure it will make you feel better. But I sincerely think you need to read a lot of books on writing and joining a critique group is always beneficial. Best wishes.
Janell

rosemariemeleady wrote 449 days ago

Congrats on getting in for review! Best of luck with the reveiw and the series! Rosemarie (Heroscope)

Concettah wrote 450 days ago

I have my fingers crossed for you! Congratulations!
Concetta

Partha wrote 450 days ago

I really enjoyed reading this book so far. I am in chapter 12, and the title is what drew me in. I really like the way the book builds anticipation, and I needed to know what would happen next. I am going to finish reading it, and I am going to back it! Great! Thank you.

Renn Raven wrote 451 days ago

This book is amazing Juedes!! Your writing style flows really well and you are very good at building suspense. Congratulations on currently being in 2nd place, and good luck for the future. I would recommend this book to anyone, it is brilliant!!
Renn

tomewriter wrote 453 days ago

Hi J.P.
I have started to read your book, first chapter only and gave you a star rate. Very interesting premise, your first chapter hooks the reader.

If you get a chance, please take a look at my book, Speed Trap and send a critique if possible. If you don't have time, I understand. Good luck in the games.
Janell (tomewriter)

Andrew Keeton wrote 453 days ago

Wonderful book and your style is one of a kind

K.C. wrote 453 days ago

You're good, but I'm sure you know that. The characters are very real and the detail you put into this is well thought out. I've only read the first few chapters so far, but I plan to finish it. I wish there was something I could say that you need to work on, but if there is such a thing I could not find it. Consider yourself shelved.

I don't have a book on here for you to read, but you can go to my site and read the sample of Vampires Rule, a book to be released this summer. http://kasi-kcblake.blogspot.com

Philip Churchman wrote 454 days ago

Hi Joel,
Apologies, it's taken me a while to respond to the request for a review, but here it is. Basically very little to say from the first couple of chapters apart from its really good to see sci-fi being represented at the top of the table by someone who can write as well as you do. Terrific, free-flowing read and the foundations of a great story. Brilliant.
Best wishes and good luck, Philip

Lullaby wrote 456 days ago

This is hard to read. Too many commas. It shuts down most sentences and makes me want scream stop it! Have some friends help you or use grammar check tools from the internet. Sorry I can't read it as it is.

Amy Smith wrote 457 days ago

This is an amazing piece of writing!
Normally, i am quite fussy about what si-fi fiction i read, but i really love this because there elements in it that are based on realism.
Your plot is great because of its twists and turns and the wonderful balance you have managed to achieve between drama and humour. I also love your characters, particularly Rachael, Johal, Tesley and Alison because they are extremely engaging and well-written.
Your detailed descriptions really help me to imagine myself right there in the middle of the action!

My only two criticisms (a word i hate to use in this case because they are so minor), are as follows:

Firstly, i would recommend that you have a scan over your work as there a few minor typos or missing words (something which we are all guilty of).
Also, as your novel changes perspective sometimes (e.g. one chapter is written from Tesley’s pov, whereas another is written in Rachael’s pov), i think you should make it a little clearer when Tesley is thinking something as otherwise it looks to the reader like you are changing from third to first person in one chapter when you are following the same character.

Apart from these minor issues, in my opinion this is a truly stunning piece of writing!
I really can’t wait to read more and am especially interested into what has happened to the other leaguers!

5 stars and backed with pleasure!

I wish you every success with your work.
Amy

Amy Smith wrote 457 days ago

This is an amazing piece of writing!
Normally, i'm quite fussy about the si-fi i read, but this is really great because it isn't too it has some qualities of realism in it.
Your plot flows really well, mainly because of its twists and turns and the great balance you have achieved between action and humour.
All the characters are extremely engaging and well-writen

Sandy Arnold wrote 458 days ago

OK. Just finished what you've written so far. Of course, the technology is amazing. I particularly enjoyed the amusement park and the store. You're really brilliant at imagining what is possible in the future. I thought the dialogue moved the book quickly, and I liked all of the characters. The only thing is that the beginning of the book seems to have been written hastily. As the book moves along, it comes together in a much more cohesive way. I don't know if you should go back, though. You're so far along now. Please let me know how this goes. I'll constantly check in on you. And, thank you for the feedback on my book, "Dumbin' Down."
Sandy Arnold

Marah Ventula wrote 461 days ago

Joel, i must say that you have a good opening. i like it.seemed interesting.I will read on.I will surely back a good story.

More Favor!

Marah

Sandy Arnold wrote 463 days ago

Read through chapter 4, but need to go to bed. Great story. It will be fun following your book and seeing what happens to it. You deserve to have it published. I'll read it to completion.
Sandy Arnold

Sandy Arnold wrote 463 days ago

I'm going to put your book on my watchlist even though I've only read the first chapter because I want to support you in moving up. I can tell I'm going to love this book, anyway, so why delay. And, if you get a chance, please read my book, "Dumbin' Down". I'm new so there's no rush. I know you must be distracted now that you're so close. Good luck. I hope you get published.
Sandy Arnold

jennybeverage wrote 463 days ago

This is beautiful.. Your writing flows so well. I'll finish reading it after my journalism class. Nice!

jennybeverage wrote 463 days ago

This is beautiful.. Your writing flows so well. I'll finish reading it after my journalism class. Nice!

Bill Carrigan wrote 464 days ago

Hi Joel, Meant to back your exciting novel when I commented. Best of luck, Bill ("The Doctor of Summitville").

Bill Carrigan wrote 466 days ago

Hi Joel,

Ten chapters into "Purple Eyes," I'll pause for brief comments before going on This is a thrilling tale of mystery and action set in the far future, with a well-defined protagonist reminiscent of Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. Made to order for film. If it continues to hold my interest, I'll gladly back it. Meanwhile I hope you'll take a look "The Doctor of Summitville," a different kind of novel that I ask you to judge for realism, interest, and craft.

Best of luck, Bill

hockgtjoa wrote 466 days ago

There is a lot of interesting detail and all is lovingly retailed. But I for one would have really appreciated a quick overview in the beginning--something like knowing we have to get the Ring destroyed before wading through Orcs and Ents and all that. I am now on chapter six and feel retarded since I have no clue what is happening and what is likely to happen; for me these are essential to a story.

jake00994 wrote 467 days ago

The first chapter is very interesting, I'm definitely going to finish reading this book as soon as I can.
So far this book deserves to be puplished and I wish you the best of luck.

jake00994 wrote 467 days ago

The first chapter is very interesting, I'm definitely going to finish reading this book as soon as I can.
So far this book deserves to be puplished and I wish you the best of luck.

JP Behrens wrote 468 days ago

Very cool. I loved it. I would shelf it, but you are in no danger of getting taken off the ED. If you drop though, I'm on it. Wonderful work. I hope to see this goes far.

JP
Faces of God

Jacoba wrote 469 days ago

Hi Joel,
Finally got round to reading the first three chapters. You certainly deserve a spot on the editors desk. This is well written and has the right hooks, to encourage the reader to keep reading.
The descriptions are well done, and allow the fantasy world you've created to come to life in one's mind. The shadow is a most ominous feature and one I don't think I'd like looming over my city. What a great monster you have created here. I think those of us who don't like closed spaces would cringe at the thought of such a thing. A very original idea.
Tesley is indeed a very interesting character, and I like the way you have weaved him into the story. I'm sure as the story progresses the relationship between Joel, Rachel and Tesley will be an interesting one.
A very good job. I will watchlist and six star rate, and watch to make sure you stay on track to the editor's desk. I will back in the last week before the end of the month, to help out, though from your comments and backings so far, that probably won't be necessary.
Good luck on your journey to getting published.
Cheers Jacoba

DirogEX wrote 469 days ago

i read the entire book... and i loved it! this has to be one of the best reads i have come across, a gem among the treasures. thank you for letting me read this!

karlakellum wrote 472 days ago

This is an excellent book. I love sci fi and would love to see this story turned into a movie someday. For time reasons I will be reading a chapter a day and I am on Chapter 6 for today. I will keep it on my bookshelf for sure. You are very good with description and drawing the reader into the story. Can't wait to see how the story turns out.

Software wrote 472 days ago

The Divine Comedy meets the Governator in a fast flowing sci fi fantasy. The characters are believable in the sense that they are fully formed in line with the worlds that have created them and the plot sufficiency beguiling to warrant closer inspection beyond the first few chapters. Not surprising that the Purple Eyes is riding high at number 3 in the charts. Dead cert for the editors desk.

Clive Radford
One Night in Tunisia

Rene A wrote 477 days ago

This is an amazing piece of work and I was engrossed in the storyline. I think this shows enormous promise and on the strength of that I am backing this.
Good luck to the desk
Rene

matt sharp wrote 478 days ago

I've just read the first two chapters and, though I've recently been inundated with a lot of requests to read sci-fi or fantasy and was not anticipating great things from your novel, I am really enjoying this. The prose is very neat and readable, and you do not seek to over-describe locations, instead concentrating on characters' reactions towards situations. Nothing really to moan about here, and the book is lifted above much of what I have read on Authonomy due to your writing style, a good plot set-up, and well-drawn characters.

Phyllis Burton wrote 479 days ago

Hello Joel, To me, this has been an amazing read: I was there, I was watching the mind-pictures you have painted so expertly. This story has a unique concept and is a real page-turner. I wish you every success with this story and rate it highly. I am putting it on my Watchlist to await room on my shelf.
Good luck with this, although I suspect you don't need luck, just the right publisher!
If you have time, would you please take a look at either of my books: PAPER DREAMS OR A PASSING STORM? it would be much appreciated.
Phyllis

Billy Young wrote 480 days ago

Will be on my shelf next month for sure. :~)

FJ Watson wrote 482 days ago

An engaging book. I love your use of language and imagery. Good mix of action and suspense.

R.A. Battles wrote 483 days ago

Joel,

Happy to re-back your novel. Good luck in your quest to reach the editors' desk.

Rodney B.

Hannah N. wrote 484 days ago

Hey there! (oh first off I'd like to ask when does the Prologue end and the chapter start? Couldn't you have your first chapter uploaded here be your first chapter without the prologue?)

I like the whole world and atmosphere you've crafted here. Though I was a little bit put off about the whole being pursued by a "shadow" because that just seems to be a little cliche. I also laughed a little at Yawbus. ;)

But anyways I like the tone you've got here and will give it some time on my shelf. Rated, too. :) Best of luck!!

Rachael Cox wrote 484 days ago

From the first few chapters that I read, this had me totally hooked. A very intriguing start and a great flow. Your characters are very instantly likable and the premiss of the story is unique and full of mystery. It is exciting from the start and is a very enjoyable read.
Backed and starred with pleasure
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Cat091971 wrote 484 days ago

Very well-written and compelling. Backed and rated.

Cat
Twisted
Lies & Love

Alice T wrote 484 days ago

Purple Eyes
Joel this is a very unusual story - and one that works I believe. I read some sci-fi and this is certainly one of the better of its class. You can describe your scenes with clarity and feeling, with a sure fluid hand. The plot is sound and exciting. So yes, pulled me in, hook line and sinker. Backed and given lots of stars
Alice

Alice T wrote 484 days ago

Purple Eyes
Joel this is a very unusual story - and one that works I believe. I read some sci-fi and this is certainly one of the better of its class. You can describe your scenes with clarity and feeling, with a sure fluid hand. The plot is sound and exciting. So yes, pulled me in, hook line and sinker. Backed and given lots of stars
Alice