The Shadow in the Flame

Recommended by Doggonline as a good, solid fantasy and I agree. Characterisation, dialogue and setting convince but it is the well developed mythology which adds depth.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown
ps now you need a butt-kicking cover to match your book!

JUST LOVE THIS, of course it is just what I like to read when I am not on the kick of non-fiction. Your profile grabbed me from the first and if the profile does not do this, then nine times out of ten, it wont be read. But love the way you portray your characters and how tight the read is. Good work Brian. Have not read it all but BACKED and then will put on WL to continue. BEST of luck

Denise
'The Letter'

Brian, your first chapter is an example of a good opening section. Nothing to nitpick there.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I must admit I enjoy this writing style. I know there are others that won't but I find the story flows nicely and the subject matter is very interesting. Then again I am a fantasy and Sci Fi buff ;-). Great book, and good luck with the rest of the books ;-).

Welcome aboard, Brian. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch TELLS instead of SHOWS. For the long pitch, expand on the story arch and then break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Good that you end it with one succinct question to pique your casual reader's interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Brian, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy.

To write an epic trilogy is quite a demanding goal you've set for yourself. You are making a good start with an interesting theme - keep writing! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

The Shadow in the Flame
Brian W Miller

Brian,
I like your title. You should look into getting a cover for this which should give it more visibility and make it stand out as there are several with your current basic HC cover. This seems like a nice fantasy and your plot is imaginative. I think you might want to say less about the trilogy and place those details perhaps in your profile page, and in the pitches, provide a little more detail about your storyline. Maybe you could look at the pitches for books say in the top ten at the moment as I think they might have perfected theirs by now to see their formats (I am yet to perfect mine(!)). Anyway, I enjoyed your first chapter which is all I had time for. Is this book meant for a target Children/YA audience? If so, you might want to tag it as such. The idea of Wilan becoming a flamewatcher at thirteen is an exciting one. You set up a believable alternative world. You end this part well with that arrow almost stapling Wilan's black leather boots to the ground. One wants to turn the page to read on at this point as the question as to who shot the arrow presents itself. I hope to come back and read more Brian as time permits. Happy to have backed this.
Zan

Dear Brian, I love that monkeys took an active part in your story. :) Hope you write more stories. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Hi Brian,

I just enjoyed the first chapter of your novel. I like the way you jump right in and don't burden us with background information. At the same time, I can tell you have fully developed fictional world, and you've given the reader enough clues to spark interest.

A couple of points, gleaned from reading many websites belonging to agents and publishers. They tend to discourage starting with a disembodied voice. I'd consider an opening sentence that orients the reader in space and time and names the speakers before launching dialog.

My second observation has to do with point of view. I'm unclear as to which character, or Gorban or Tara, is the point of view character for your opening sequence. In the first few paragraphs it appears to be Tara, but later you tell us what's in Gorban's head, which suggests that he's the POV character. I'd consider also naming the POV character in the first sentence in such a what that there's no doubt in the reader's mind whose head they are for the duration of the scene.

I enjoyed reading! Keep on writing!

Max Griffin
FLATLAND

Thanks Max
I think you're referring to the Prologue, and on rereading you're exactly right. I'll take the Prologue down and see if I can work it a bit better - if not I'll lose it. As a reader I tend to dread Prologues (they usually go on for so long!) so I was probably tempting fate by putting one in to start with.
Thanks again,
Brian

I really liked this. You quickly build up your world and set the scenes very well. I think Max's advice is sound, POV shifts are tricky beasts, but in the end it is your story.

Hi Brian,

I just enjoyed the first chapter of your novel. I like the way you jump right in and don't burden us with background information. At the same time, I can tell you have fully developed fictional world, and you've given the reader enough clues to spark interest.

A couple of points, gleaned from reading many websites belonging to agents and publishers. They tend to discourage starting with a disembodied voice. I'd consider an opening sentence that orients the reader in space and time and names the speakers before launching dialog.

My second observation has to do with point of view. I'm unclear as to which character, or Gorban or Tara, is the point of view character for your opening sequence. In the first few paragraphs it appears to be Tara, but later you tell us what's in Gorban's head, which suggests that he's the POV character. I'd consider also naming the POV character in the first sentence in such a what that there's no doubt in the reader's mind whose head they are for the duration of the scene.

I enjoyed reading! Keep on writing!

Max Griffin
FLATLAND

An exciting adventure seems to be in store with this one! I liked the beginning and it definitely hooked me. Great writing and characters round this out. I envy you your imagination, this really took some work and it shows. It's set the reader up nicely for the journey that will come. I think I'd actually want to read on past the first couple chapters, and I'm not even much of a sci fi reader.

I don't have much to say about the bones of the story (grammar, spelling, etc.) I'm horrible at all that and have a hard enough time with mine! I like to look at it as a reader. And this reader was pleased!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

I found both pitch and text to be clear and attractive. The gripping
adventure is dialogue and action based.
Shelved with appreciation
mikegilli The Free

There is a lot of fantasy on here and it is not my particular genre but this is very well written and I enjoyed it very much. The problem may be standing out amongst the rest but you are certainly one of the best I have read. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)