The Necklace Saga

I like that this story gets straight down to business, the psychologist seeing immediately that this is an important case and not wasting any time in investigating. Hypnotism, regression and a video tape, thus we meet Ragnar, and he meets Sigrid, becoming 'a silly bird that had been bewitched by a snake'. This is just one of many remarkable sayings: 'Every moorhen thinks it's hatched a swan', 'Valhalla holds no braver man than Ragnar the Fool'.

Freda does not trust Sigrid - warns him as much about her as the bear, but Ragnor goes his own way. So we have the stunning scene where the brothers fight with the polar bear, serious jaw-clenching action. Freda was right to warn him, but he hangs on by the skin of his teeth. Hm, is it wise to send Bjorn to speak to Sigrid? Especially when we learn of who he is now...

This is the stuff of legends, Pride - blood-stirring emotions and violence: brotherhood, love, jealousy, hunting, war. It's a time in history that fires the imagination, but told here through the lens of a modern man's dreams. An original plot, packed with adventures, and written with clarity (yes, there are a few typos - some suggestions below - but nothing to detract from the power of the story) ... backed,

Possible nits: 'I looked at him carefully as [he] shook my hand'. 'We deed [need] to plan'. 'putting you under ... I put [placed / stood] a loud'. 'my rather [father] told me'. 'defiantly [definitely] no goddess'. 'I grew quite [quiet] and thoughtful'. 'tears came poring [pouring]'. 'does that [make] you wiser'. I also noticed quite a few instances of 'very'.

I've said it before but the best -written books are historical novels. I was never a fan of them but the study involved beforehand immerses the writer so deeply in his subject that character, scene-setting, all the things we think so important are the most vivid I've come across.
This is no exception, Pride. It's as if you're writing about someone you know and a place you've visited. It's thrilling and the start with Dr Wilson is just the kind that ensures we keep reading. Before I forget, there's a typo in your pitch - the first word can you believe. Very best for this. Backed. lynn

I always like the first person narrative and in your work you have crafted two. First the doctor in the prologue and then your MC. This is cleverly done and sets up your book perfectly. I also like how you slowly build the characters of Strijker and Ragnar and then expand from there. Your storyline is intriguing and your imaginative writing makes your novel a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear Pride,
I just love the book cover , and is nt the first time I have said so.
The Pitch and the read is so well crafted that it makes it an easy read
I love the classical fell of your writing
and of course the history, which is a favorite of mine

What a good book.
I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished.
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

THE NECKLACE SAGA

Backed
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

I love historical novels! You have done a superb job of putting me there- in the period and feeling as though I am there. There are some technical issues, but I'm sure you already know that and will fix them with revisions. I love this book and am happily backing it!

If you get a chance, I would appreciate it if you could take a look at my novel, Princess. Any comments and/or backing would be appreciated.

Best,
Cori
"Princess"

I love historical novels! You have done a superb job of putting me there- in the period and feeling as though I am there. There are some technical issues, but I'm sure you already know that and will fix them with revisions. I love this book and am happily backing it!

If you get a chance, I would appreciate it if you could take a look at my novel, Princess. Any comments and/or backing would be appreciated.

Best,
Cori
"Princess"

I'm really enjoying this story. I like your first person narrative, it's very easy to read and flows nicely.

Nikki B.
A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO DRAGON FIRE
and
WORMS

Once I got to chapter one I like this a lot

But to be totally honest? I hated the prologue - it was far too wordy and said very little that could not be safely seeded in the chapters to follow. Backed - but ditch that prologue :-)

Reincarnation is a fascinating topic, and one I believe in, and I love to read books like yours. There is so much potential here and you write with flair and imagination. More editing would do some good, I think, eg Chap 10 right at the beginning where the monkey keeper leaves - not clear who had the tears in his eyes - passages like this need rewriting. But I enjoyed reading this and have backed it. Good luck
Vall
Midwyf (if you have time, please have a look!)

Interesting read

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

You've set up a good story, and one that would interest me with the reincarnation aspect. I read (1)

There are several mistakes, including missing quote marks and the inclusion of: ]. In the first para, there's something awkward about: Just then my secretary put her head around the door. I feel that this should be in the present moment. So leave out 'just then'.

Later: I indicated a seat in which he sat...The sentence would be better split in two. I indicated. He sat, removed.., and...'

When you begin the section of The childhood of Ragnar, I'm lost. Who is it speaking? If it's the man under hypnosis, he wouldn't say this. He'd simply tell the story. I think it should be the doctor recounting the tale, the way you've set it up as having no bearing on the other life. Then later you can go into the patient's telling.

The writing is good, but you need to do some editing. This story has the potential to become good.

I'll back you in the hope of seeing changes made.

I can relate to this book well. I am a trained hypnotherapist, but also remember several past lives through flashbacks I have had over the years. This is what originally prompted me to follow that career. I also see past lives clairvoyantly during consultations with clients. Well done for creating such a wonderful tale. It is fascinating stuff. Consider it backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Hi! Yes, I have Skype. I'll look you up - this weekend. Tonight? Where are you? :-)

I think mine is celticwriter (yes, I don't use it much, haven't in months!).

blessings,
jim

I'm in the UK call me any time, What I have in mind is co writing. Regards Pride

Hi! Yes, I have Skype. I'll look you up - this weekend. Tonight? Where are you? :-)

I think mine is celticwriter (yes, I don't use it much, haven't in months!).

blessings,
jim

Nice work. I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter, one who appreciate a good visual.
Backed!

jim
jack & charmian london

Another fascinating book by you. I've read another one by you since I want to live more than once. You know, I think I've had a flashback or two from my earlier life as a Viking. At least, I knew a green-eyed wench who could cast a few spells. So, what is Ragnar trying to tell from centuries past? What has happened to the necklace and the sword? You have woven together an intriguing tale. Backed for now.

Backed your book based on the pitch. Can you check out my book "Crazy"?

I like that this story gets straight down to business, the psychologist seeing immediately that this is an important case and not wasting any time in investigating. Hypnotism, regression and a video tape, thus we meet Ragnar, and he meets Sigrid, becoming 'a silly bird that had been bewitched by a snake'. This is just one of many remarkable sayings: 'Every moorhen thinks it's hatched a swan', 'Valhalla holds no braver man than Ragnar the Fool'.

Freda does not trust Sigrid - warns him as much about her as the bear, but Ragnor goes his own way. So we have the stunning scene where the brothers fight with the polar bear, serious jaw-clenching action. Freda was right to warn him, but he hangs on by the skin of his teeth. Hm, is it wise to send Bjorn to speak to Sigrid? Especially when we learn of who he is now...

This is the stuff of legends, Pride - blood-stirring emotions and violence: brotherhood, love, jealousy, hunting, war. It's a time in history that fires the imagination, but told here through the lens of a modern man's dreams. An original plot, packed with adventures, and written with clarity (yes, there are a few typos - some suggestions below - but nothing to detract from the power of the story) ... backed,

Possible nits: 'I looked at him carefully as [he] shook my hand'. 'We deed [need] to plan'. 'putting you under ... I put [placed / stood] a loud'. 'my rather [father] told me'. 'defiantly [definitely] no goddess'. 'I grew quite [quiet] and thoughtful'. 'tears came poring [pouring]'. 'does that [make] you wiser'. I also noticed quite a few instances of 'very'.

A subject that fascinates many people, including myself. A good first couple of chapters. I will back this willingly.

Jerry [paperbat adventures]

I think the story is the key here. You seem to direct the tale well. I do think the writing could be stronger, both the narrative and dialogue...while it may be intended as simplicity, it comes off a bit cliche.

Lockjaw

You go where your mind takes you, and the story promises much. However I am sureyou will benefit by utilising a good editor. Best fo luck.

Pride-

Your name suggests that you should be proud of yourself because you really do have the gift of writing.
Your book is an anthology of your imaginative questions about life. I do not have to focus on grammar structures because I am more into the pure meat and the soul of the story and I believe that through this story, you are going to relay substantial messages about this complex life. Your narrative technique is simple but very comprehensive. I hope this finds a good publisher very soon.
Take care and good luck to your future writing endeavours. I have backed this already.

FLETCH
STORIES FROM A LEAKING MIND

Can you live more than (o)nce?

Hi Pride

I like the framing device with the parapsychologist and the quick move into the meat of the story. You tell it well, in a clear simple prose style, engaging the reader in your characters' lives and motivations. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Clever premise. Edgy. Exciting. Fast paced compelling. Backed.

A great start. Draws the reader in immediately. Must return for more of what promises to be a great yarn. Highly original, too! Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid. PS What is the significance of the green woodpecker?

I like woodpeckers.

A great start. Draws the reader in immediately. Must return for more of what promises to be a great yarn. Highly original, too! Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid. PS What is the significance of the green woodpecker?

Pride,

Great pitch (and, as far as I can see, grammatically perfect).

Into the work proper. The opening immediately grabs the attention (there are some shifts of tense, but I'm going to focus on the story).

I am given pause when the narrator talks about his patients and mentions some being 'mentally unbalanced'--as he is a pyschologist, I'd think that was a given! You might want to leave it at dangerous.

But as I read on there are two interesting, well told stories here.

And, by the way, I've seen much worse grammar: I think you're too hard on yourself.

Backed.

original plot utilising a subject wide open to speculation and therefore a cauldron for a writer's imagination, here you use it very well, touching on themes of all life is connected on a spiritual level and the past often impacts on what is happening now. Well written, layered, solidly constructed and a good central character.

I was drawn in by your intriguing pitch - very imaginative indeed. And enjoyed a colorful first chapter, look forward to reading more.

Nate, The Smoke That Thunders - please have a look and see if it may interest you.

Can you live more than once is a question?

Dear Pride,
I just love the book cover , and is nt the first time I have said so.
The Pitch and the read is so well crafted that it makes it an easy read
I love the classical fell of your writing
and of course the history, which is a favorite of mine

What a good book.
I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished.
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

A gorgeous cover and a very compelling pitch makes the reader want more. I enjoy the paranormal aspect, because it could have been only a story about Viking's but you've made it more complex. Nice job!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

The Necklace Saga- I backed this one for originality and it does not disappoint! Also I love your cover, is that an Audobon picture?

Best wishes to you!

Jenn

No Jenn it's my own work.

Fabulous historical background. Great characters and dialogue, and I loved the history.Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Yes you are right, you are a good storyteller. I am enjoying this and will read more. Backed.

Dear Pride, for someone who left school so young, and is dyslexic, you have done a great job with your pitch. You have painted a picture of a great story, and I look forward to reading it. Will return with further comments once I have read.
All the best
Helen

Your name is very like one of my main charactors found later in the story, Her name is Despina. Regards Pride.

Dear Pride, for someone who left school so young, and is dyslexic, you have done a great job with your pitch. You have painted a picture of a great story, and I look forward to reading it. Will return with further comments once I have read.
All the best
Helen

I always like the first person narrative and in your work you have crafted two. First the doctor in the prologue and then your MC. This is cleverly done and sets up your book perfectly. I also like how you slowly build the characters of Strijker and Ragnar and then expand from there. Your storyline is intriguing and your imaginative writing makes your novel a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Great premise and well crafted prose, top stuff!
Backed with pleasure. Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

Hi

The beginning has a conversational feel to it. This story unfolds well. You have created interesting characters. I will come back to add some comments when I finish a few more chapters as I've only read to the end of chapter 1.
Backed on the strength of your writing so far.
A return read and comment would be appreciated.
cheers olga

Smooth prose that draws readers into the story...well-drawn characters, especially Dr. Wilson...this should do well...

I've said it before but the best -written books are historical novels. I was never a fan of them but the study involved beforehand immerses the writer so deeply in his subject that character, scene-setting, all the things we think so important are the most vivid I've come across.
This is no exception, Pride. It's as if you're writing about someone you know and a place you've visited. It's thrilling and the start with Dr Wilson is just the kind that ensures we keep reading. Before I forget, there's a typo in your pitch - the first word can you believe. Very best for this. Backed. lynn

A story within a story. I'm not sure what period we're in with the parapsychologist at the opening. He's very formal and not just when seeing his client. He appears to think and relate very formally. Your pitch suggests a very original plot but I haven't read on.
Backed
Rosalind
Good For Him

Hi Pride
You've created some really visual writing here and I like your descriptions of the ancient land. The storyline is compelling and although there was the odd time you were maybe a little over-descriptive, the dialogue is good and you have obviously done your research to make the story so credible.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Hello Pride, I have a thing for pitches as this is the first thing that will grab a potential reader or even a publisher. Your short pitchneeds a little work as does you long pitch, My suggestion is you read this out loud a few times. It is a very good premise for a book and promises to give your reader a different type of read and it does. I have not read it all, however you have a gift for story telling and I believe sitting with you listening to you tell a story would be gripping. You remind me of some of the story tellers I have listened to who engross me, they would also write as they say. You have done quite a bit of research here also and one can tell with the characters and the setting, well done. I believe this book just needs some editing. BACKED for sure. Hey my book needs lots also........My book is of a different genre but that is the beauty of this site, and if you could 'review' and 'comment' and BACK it, I would be so happy. Again BEST OF LUCK with your book

Denise
The Letter

This made for an interesting tea time read. I like the mix of historical settings. Dialogue is a strength. Description anchors the reader.
Looking forward to reading some more.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Interesting premise and characters. The writing needs a little work (as you mention in your profile), mainly I would say you tend to overwrite or try to explain things too fully. The whole Dr Wilson/Mr Strijker introduction is quite long and convoluted, imo, and a line like:
Strijker paused, shaking his head as though he could not believe, himself what he was saying to me.
is very awkward, especially as what you are saying is conveyed best by:
Strijker paused, shaking his head.

(btw not sure why his name keeps changing from sryker to Strijker)

My advice (for what it's worth) is to use as few words as possible. say it simply and don't worry about the reader not getting it.

The writing in the Viking bits felt more polished to me for some reason. The fact you had a story pushing things forward helped, i think. Good dialogue too. I think you set up the idea of the marriage maybe not being the best very well and the characterisation of Ragnar, his brothers and Sigrid all well handled. Scandinavian legends never seem to end well and this story has that vibe to it.

Overall a very engaging tale. Backed.

What a fantastic premise. I love the hypnosis introduction to his story. Usually I'm not a fan of prologues unless they serve a real purpose outside of the story, and yours does. Your writing is clean and compelling, and I find myself very curious about the story Mr Stryker is about to share. I would suggest a couple of things (in my limited reading): first, when Mr Stryker first appears in the office, it might be nice to give us an idea of his nervousness, his hesitation at relating what is so obviously a distressing problem. Secondly - different - When you break into chapter 1, I'd ensure the first paragraph is broken down into shorter sections so as not to scare the reader off. The first section has such great pacing.
backed
Genevieve

I came across your book by chance and was drawn by your pitch and W/L immediatly. I really enjoyed my read I raced through three chapters with no problem at all as you have an interesting premise here and a strong writers voice. However I would agree with melcoms comments hads slow the story down as does thats I went through my book chapter by chapter and removed hundred and it made for a much tighter read. I wish you luck.
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley - i hope you like it

The writing flows well and you appear to have a great story here if the pitch is anything to go by. My only suggestion would be that there seems to be too many 'hads' in the very first paragraph.

Great story and easily shelved
Melxxx

Just read your short stories (very good) and noticed this. What a brilliant and complex story. You have captured something quiet dazzling (used to train hypnosis). This is developing into a very, very good book.
And in my view creativity doesn’t live in conformity. – Good luck!

This is indeed a fascinating story, filled with excitement. I wish you the very best with it, and gladly back it.
Best Regards, jedward (Knut)