Action!

This is wonderful, in-your-face writing, Alan. Not to mention your arresting, double-entendre title—a real hook--and your irresistible premise. Add two intriguing and well-defined central characters with radically different life experiences and you have an obvious winner. Your writing is beautifully controlled yet has a natural flow, dense with information that the reader can confidently soak up by osmosis, full of life and a strong sense of realism. The experiences of soldiering are clearly conveyed and you have a natural feel for visual drama and dialogue.

I’d buy this book. Backed with pleasure.

Jann King (“Making Connections”)

Fascinating plot line and setting for a mystery. I certainly can't figure out who's pulling the strings. The clash of cultures in occupied Baghdad and within Mike himself make this already complex mystery even more twisted. Action! is a great blend of traditional whodunit with a completely original set of circumstances. Backed for sure!
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Seriously good writing. I found it very solid in both plot and execution.
It has a cinematic quality too it, and it moved at a relentless pace from the opening.
I'd say this was a real man's book and thank god for that they are few and far between on here.
More than happy to back you.
David
Bailey of the Saints

This is so well written it is a joy to read, there are some lovely unforgettable lines, not forgettiing plenty of action and a goodly pace. Excellent premis and pitch - delighted to back this book.
BADD

You have clearly put a huge amount of work into this, and your attention to detail and polished prose shines through. I particularly love the gritty feel to this piece.

Backed with pleasure!

Abi xxx

Hi Alan!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. Special offer for former Authonomy backers between now and the formal launch on Sept 1st: If you would like to receive a “Review” copy of the eBook (plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really), go to the website, click the “Contact” button, and leave a message that includes your Authonomy username and the secret code words “I Feel the Rush!” Details of this promo will be emailed to you. Thanks!

Thoroughly engrossing. I read the first chapter and will come back for more. My only crit: When Yancey is shot, it all seems to happen too quickly..I'd like you to describe what is heard and seen. What the protag felt when he saw it happen. Anything Yancey might have yelled--or his noted silence. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, backed on the first chapter alone.
Jean Kinkade
The Zero Line

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A gripping start to what promises to be an intriguing story. A well fleshed out, interesting main character. Good descriptions. Atmospheric. Thought-provoking narrative. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on chapter one:
1) 'The cold sweat of pre-combat jitters' hooked me.
2) No nits.

Specific comments on chapter two:
1) Why are there quote marks around 'Abraham J Yancey?'
2) 'I thought it was you that shot me.' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people.
3) 'We only had blanks,' he winced. Period after 'blanks' and 'he' should be capitalized. 'He winced' is narrative that tells who did something, not a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When narrative follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a period (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the narrative is capitalized.
4) You'd normally be kicked out into rehab tomorrow, but we've been told to hold you. Relax and enjoy it. Put quote marks around this dialogue.
5) The thought reminded me I wanted to see Hicks's disc. Hicks's should be Hicks'.

I hope this critique will help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Could you review "Savannah Fire?"

Have a great day.

Al

Hi Alan,

Nicely written. I've only had time to read the first two chapters but if there were any errors in that section I didn't spot them

You do need to set the loacation at the start of the story a bit better though. We know where the action is from your pitch, but the pitch isn't going to be part of the real book.

Ron

The word seamless comes to mind. You make it all seem effortless, too. A treasure on the site.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

No comment.
BK

I am trying to read more but only find the one chapter. Maybe you are in process of re-writing or something.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

"Action!"
Ch 1: I love the opening paragraph as it gives me a sense of place. A distinct setting and an interesting one too. Also establishes the conflict/tension right up front.

I assume that when you mention "ecstasy" you refer to the drug l 3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine AKA ecstacy? If so, some of the "mature" genaration (i.e. my age, LOL) might not pick up on that.

A nit, in para 3, I would have written "before" or "earlier" rather than "ago," althoug "ago" is done a lot on this site.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

What a great read. Powerful, compelling and very well written. On my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

This is the first mystery on here that I have read and I am glad to say it is so well written that I was only vaguely aware at end of chapter four that it was a mystery.

The detail is amazingly portrayed and there is profound skill in your exposition.

When I was reading it and contemplating my comments words like poerful, forceful and determined kept occurring to me and it was because the story was so strongly embedded in the narrative.

Glad to BACK it. Good luck and cheers

10 July 2010
Action! Has been there, is there. Tee--Shirt is washed and faded. The old, but nevertheless true, cliqué 'Waiting is Hell' is brought to life by the realistic recreation of tension that exists prior to 'getting stuck in' and provides evidence of the author's credentials. The graphic description of the desiccated, al forno ambience of an Iraqi market place has the sterling silver hall mark signifying authenticity. However, this work is not devoted to explicit action alone but ably incorporates the underlying mystique of a mystery novel. A recommended read. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Alan your thriller is closer to the truth than mine, because you know your stuff very well and the descriptions make it that way. My english is limited to a few hundred vocabulay and I can hardly describe the military situation because I dont know much about the military - yours is, of course, hundred percent. My only advantage is that my pace is faster than yours which might excite the reader and overwhelm the shortages - and yours is descriptive and slow, which might not be good. You are an American by father and an Iraqi by mother - that is a very good thing. I am an interpreter. So, here we match each other, in a way. You may want to work on your pace. I will work on my vocabulry, espacially the military ones. I'm trying to sort out the Call-signs on the radion, you may want to help me, if you want to, send me a message I ll ask you a few simple things, that I am sure you can help. If you want to ask anything about Afghanistan or the Taliban, you are welcome. I must say, a truly amazing read. I ll read your more chapters, it is very good for me. I have backed your book already.

Shah - The Interpreter

Action really bites deep into the phrase ' the absurdity of war.' In order to obtain more realistic footage, actors are used in combat zones to stage firefights. The performance could happen just hours after the initial real action has taken place. Corporal Mike Horley is assigned to assist, but has no idea its all a phoney, the men in his new unit seem sound enough, with the exception of their deployment which is haphazard. When the officer runs across open ground, in broad daylight, and cops a couple of rounds, Mike pulls him back in, to save him, and thus a hero is born. But his Hero status doesn't last long when he is told they were all firing blanks. So why then is the officer really struggling for breath, why does the blood look real.
This is a great mystery thriller, that has many twists and turns, and shows an even more unsavoury element to the absurdity of war. The need for T.V news footage, however authentic or contrived, to justify the bloody thing in the first place, or to get extra funding from congress to pay for it.
Brilliant stuff backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.
In chapter four: He sided with becky' You can't split a paramedic team someone has to hold the map while the other drives and any way staging a getaway is a danged sight easier in humvee.... should danged be damned

One has to make several rounds of authonomy to stumble upon an original and entertaining story of this quality. Action! is a guaranteed page-turner. Shelved with enthusiasm.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Alan Donaghue:

This is a chilling account of an assignment gone bad. Your descriptions are life-life and clearly depict the scenes intended. I looked to see how you described this: Fiction, non-fiction etc., but found only ACTION. It is not clear if the experiences of these characters you describe are real--but if not, they seem to superbly depict combat in action. This writing was clearly exceptional. I did, however, note some things during my read which I found noteworthy. Please know that these are ONLY my OPINION; use as you deem necessary.

"No feminine perfume; the smell of pungent disinfect." Is NOT a sentence nor should 'perfume' and 'the' be separated by a semicolon as you don't have two independent clauses here. Substitute semicolon with comma.

Consider: "No feminine perfume, the smell of pungent disinfect hung in the air."

In the sentence: No freckle - faced carrot-top; an acne-scarred face flourishing radiographs. (Confusing - Incorrect use of semi-colon.) The later, it appears, modifies the antecedent 'no freckle-faced carrot-top; it doesn't appear, however, that is what you intended. I believe you are introducing yet another character.

Consider: No freckle faced carrot-top, instead, appeared an acne-scarred face paramedic flourishing radiographs.

Sentence: There, a north -facing pair of glare-free windows squinted between derelict office slabs to the tree-shaded watercourses of Little Venice, the pleasure diners of the Hussein family, the Tigris river and the fraud hotels on the opposite bank: another tourist-worthy vista under more favorable circumstances. (Wordy: Replace colon with a dash.) (Remove dashes between 'north-facing' and 'tourist-worthy'.

Consider: There, a north facing pair of windows squinted between derelict office slabs to the tree shaded watercourses of Little Venice, the pleasure diners of the Hussein family, the Tigris river and the fraud hotels on the opposite bank--another tourist worthy vista.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

From the pitch and the first few chapters I couldn't quite see where this was going but maybe that was your intention! A good read none the less. The dialogue is especially good and the style fits in well with the storyline. I shall look forward to reading the complete story in due course.

Philip John (Dead Reckoning/The Ambassador's Last Post)

Alan,

Starts "in media res" and grabs the reader in just a couple of paras. The description para at the beginning set the stage well and succinctly. Then the action keeps you going, the writing as quick and crisp as the action, which is vital for suspense. I KNEW we'd see carrot-top again.

This is highly polished writing and the attention to detail gives it a stark reality (the oxygen fueling the fire, the mention of collateral damage on Main Street. Not even a typo that I noticed. I'm backing it.

My only crit is the length of some of the dialogue. Jimmy goes on for ten paras (ch 4) and nobody interrupts him. A "holy shit" or a "you're kidding" or a question now and then would be more likely, I'd guess. I'm going to read this one all the way through and I'll message you if I find any plot discrepancies or whatever.

Take care,

JohnB - What the hell is a coconut shie?

An incredibly tense, vivid beginning where we're right in the MCs pov and the landscape as he sees it. We care immediately what's going to happen to him and we're hooked into the story. You blend into the 'flashback' perfectly. Now for some nits:
sentence 2 dawn [light] reads better without 'light'
'and waited - I had no choice' (end of 1 section) This is only my opinion, but I'd like 'I had no choice.' in a sentence of its own. Possibly a paragraph of its own (this is personal taste, I think)
section two 'its balustrades[,] its Roman arched...' Divide into two sentences for greater clarity.
Para three of section two - get rid of the ...s You don't need them. You already convey the staccatto feel perfectly.
'His flak jacket was seeping blood' is PERFECT!! But don't tell us he's alive. Make us nibble our fingers down to our elbows as we wait to find out.
Into a paramedic's arms/ If you're going to open: again, I'd like you to drag out the suspense more. You've got the reader by the throat - now DON'T LET GO!
Also, I don't like coconut shies. I think it's comical. There's surely some other way to convey that he doesn't see them as human.
All in all, your writing is AMAZING. I'm totally there and I think this should be HUGE.
Melanie Kendry The Boy Time Forgot

Alan,
Grit, wit, no time for a crit. Will return.
John

The pitch is excellent, very well written. The book is a real hooker once started its compelling. The shooting incident in the square and the fact that all the evidence is being denied from above kicks up enough questions to read on. You have some great lines – The mongrel spotted them –and let the world know. No more focussed than shower glass, wish I’d thought of that one. Great stuff happily backed
Sue Mackender (Wilm1)

Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you like it

The opening chapter is well written, with tight, focused narrative and despite the lack of dialogue, carries the reader along - not an easy thing to achieve. The descriptions are well drawn and evocative, creating an instant image: The first pigeons of the day inspected us... ...down market dereliction and up-market hotels...A muezzin's dawn call to prayer vied with my rap music - this also sets the time period as contemporary. ...I took psychedelic stock of the workshop...
Nitpicks: ...a Denzel Washington look alike... I thought this was a good way of describing Yancey, cutting down on reams of exposition - it worked very well. However, it's then followed up by: To me it sounded like an Errol Flynn plan... Just my opinion, but I don't think you need this, it kinda 'over eggs the pudding.' Finally, slight repetition: ...and who was covering the (back) exits or our (backs)? Suggest replacing 'back' with 'rear'.

All in all an excellent opening chapter, drawing the reader straight into the action. This is particularly admirable, as there's no dialogue. At this stage it's not needed. All the tension, colour and drama are right there. Backed.

Backed.

Backed.

There are plenty of good stories and premises on Authonomy, but a shortage of good writers. I mean GOOD writers -- those who understand that the actual prose that is put down on the page serves as a key character. I want a story whose words concatenate and carom off of one another, that meld to paint a picture.

Your opening two chapters are a literary adrenaline rush -- vivid descriptions of a maddening and violent scene; taut, suspenseful writing that features a nice element of humor to soften the edges at just the right times. This reminds me of a high intensity Catch-22, where the action supercedes the humor. I'm assuming you have served in the military, either that or you have done a hell of a lot of research/interviewing.

Not that deep into this yet, but plan to read much more. Backed with gusto.

Best
Notes on an Orange Burial (a tragicomedy)

Good writing! This one does very well to suck the reader in...I can't say that this is my usual genre, but this simply works.

Lockjaw

It's a surprising blend, and the pitch takes the potential buyer along. However, while not having the time at present to do a critque on what is presented here, a couple of general comments to hopefully help:-

Beware data dumping - if you have a large amount of description or explanation that cannot be fed to the reader by dialogue then scatter it as best you can. It's not too relevant here as the pace takes things so far, but it might be something to go back over in revision and think about changing (it will smooth the reader ride.)

Also careful with both slang and military expressions (I'm an ex-military myself, and fell into that trap a while back on a different project.) If the meaning is obvious from the use, then there is no need to put in additional explanation for the civilians.

And lastly, on the down side, you need to finish the damn thing :) The characters are good, and I was made to care for them fairly early on - also the style is accessible and commercial (can't really think of any successful authors in the same niche, except Andy McNabb and/or Stephen Leather - but this is notably different.)

Damn - Chapter 9 second paragraph - watch out for run-on sentences. How does

Office angel Jancey eased her weight in the swivel chair. Abandoning her Mills and Boon novel long enough to brush aside some stray henna'd locks, she'd given Bob a touch of secretarial contempt before telling him that Vic was "In his digs, packing." With a hint of distain, she looked down at the page again.

"Packing?"

She sighed and arched an eyebrow a little. Still reading, she said, "Yes. He's..." (etc)

(only offered as a suggestion here.)

As I say, I've read it so far, and enjoyed it - but it needs to be completed and given at least a first run editing in order to smooth out any continuity hiccoughs and also to give you a better feel for the work as well.

Backed with pleasure.

Fascinating plot line and setting for a mystery. I certainly can't figure out who's pulling the strings. The clash of cultures in occupied Baghdad and within Mike himself make this already complex mystery even more twisted. Action! is a great blend of traditional whodunit with a completely original set of circumstances. Backed for sure!
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

I read the first couple chapters ans was totally impressed. I go absolutely gaga over guns and military action. The opening chapters were reminiscent of the movie "The Hurt Locker" which I immensely enjoyed. Your characters have great depth, your structure is fantastic, and your dialogue is fluid. This definitely deserves to be published. Backed with pleasure and confidence.

I've been wanting to write this ever since I joined the site...'the title says it all'...nice work!!
Backed with pleasure. Good Luck!
Frank.
You may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

Almost immediately, we're there, crouching with Mike, legs aching, fear mixed with a form of madness, then action breaks out, of all the wrong kinds. Off to hospital where things start sounding surreal. Blanks? Good way to feed in a bit of back-story on Mike, him talking to Jimmy ... plus it gives us an insight into why Mike is an outsider. Back to surreal, 'It's just to keep reporters away'. The UpFront notion is a stunner - does that stuff really happen or does it all come from your imagination? 'You might not get back to your unit', deeper and deeper. Then the explosion! At least it's a chance to evade the powers-that-be, and we finally hear the full truth, at least as far as Jimmy knows it.

Mike's 'voice' is great: matter-of-fact yet with a very individual slant, 'magnolia-laden courtesy', 'a grin-full of news'. He's a great character, dry, witty, practical. Jimmy is a good foil for him. Then there's Iraq, which comes to life with the detailed and evocative descriptions. The plot itself is a real thriller, for every question answered, two more pop up. Who is faking the films, and why, and how come the authorities seem to be aware, given they (or someone) were responsible for putting the pair into isolation. There's only one way to find the answers: buy the book and read it. You best get this published, Alan ... backed.

Possible nits: 'once-blue doors', maybe more accurate to say 'faded blue doors'. 'While stemming ... while she read ... while she splinted'. 'reacted Jimmy', sounds odd, maybe just 'Jimmy said'. 'watch [see] it from our beds. We watched'. 'accentuated it', while a clever use of phrasing, this distracts from the drama of the situation. The characters use each others' names in dialogue just a little too often. Occasional passages of dialogue seem a bit long, but that's probably just me'

It's all action. Exciting, but I was a bit disappointed not to start with a scene where the crew were in their ordinary work so that when trouble started there was a contrast. However, it's all very effective and pacy. Had it on my shelf some days.
Rosalind
Good for Him
Twice Twisted

This is wonderful, in-your-face writing, Alan. Not to mention your arresting, double-entendre title—a real hook--and your irresistible premise. Add two intriguing and well-defined central characters with radically different life experiences and you have an obvious winner. Your writing is beautifully controlled yet has a natural flow, dense with information that the reader can confidently soak up by osmosis, full of life and a strong sense of realism. The experiences of soldiering are clearly conveyed and you have a natural feel for visual drama and dialogue.

I’d buy this book. Backed with pleasure.

Jann King (“Making Connections”)

Dear Alan --

We chose not to read the premise before we started reading, and we loved the surprise of finding out alongside Mike that he was in a propaganda film. We're not your target audience, but we liked your descriptions of the action: great pacing, nothing that struck us as extraneous. And once Jimmy and Mike start talking seriously in the hospital, we were hooked; you build their relationship and their growing understanding that they can only really trust one another through their easy give-and-take of their respective histories. For us, it's the dynamics between the characters that keep us reading, and as much as you succeed in writing an action-packed thriller, you also succeed in creating three-dimensional people involved in the events. Found nothing in the first 4 chapters to seriously nitpick. BACKED. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

Full of action, and yet you have a great turn of phrase on occasion. Ch 1, 'brash, Bronx and ebullient.' What a brilliant way to sum up a character. Ch2, 'a floor crazy-paved in various shades of grey.' There are others.
Good writing, good story, I didn't notice any errors of spelling or grammar. Well done and backed, Marj.

Alan,
Ummm, duh . . . You rock? I don't know what else to say. Killer, just killer.
SC
Viene la Tormenta

Hi Alan, It certainly lives up to its title and mystery is wound into the novel. I like it Nad I BACK it..Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Alan
Story and pov drew me in. Having your MC be half Iraqi and the whole faking stock battle footage angle takes this out of the realm of gung ho action junkies. Backed.
Paula L (Rollover)

Hi Alan,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Action!

[Thank you for your comments on my book, they are greatly appreciated. T.]

This is an unusual premise. I’m in two minds about the way you went about setting it up. You decide to keep Mike—and us—in the dark about the fact he’s in a movie shoot until well into chapter three. Mike is confused, and so is the reader. It works, and I read on to make sense of it. I am left wondering why Jimmy didn’t tell him sooner, or go over the script. I guess I’ll have to suspend my disbelief. There’s definitely something going wrong. You throw us another curve at the end of chapter three when (presumably) the hospital is bombed. I think on balance I like the way it’s been put together, although I had to work a bit too hard for my liking. Anyway, I’m backing this original creation, and I’d be really grateful if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return.

Oh, this is good. I initially misread the filming as the ultimate in reality-TV. On re-reading, it's so much more. The story itself is probably one of the best thrillers to come out of the Occupation. It's got good pacing; fine, at times funny, dialogue; a thoroughly likable MC whose background makes him an unlikely citizen of the world and the right guy to have put in such a wrong situation. It's also highly cinematic. I wouldn't be surprised to see it optioned for film or TV. Am delighted to give it a spin on my shelf.

Alan, fantastic voice. i knew i was in good hands from the opening line, the pigeons inspecting them.
on my shelf with full kudos.
tiny thought: maybe call the ecstasy "E"
best wishes, andy

Alan,

This is a turbo-charged, very exciting and engaging read. You manage to cram such detail and description into your writing without seeming to drag on the pace of the story, without anything feeling extraneous to the action. Great opening. Happy to put this on my shelf, and hope to dip in for some more when I have more time.

NA 'A Red Sky in Morning' & 'Tales of Ordinary Sadness'

Hi Alan, I was with you in the opening fight scene, Wow, that's well done. A great intro to the story, too.
One thought was that you say you took psychedelic stock, having taken ecstasy and morphine -- neither of which are psychedelics ( maybe you could say drugged out or stoned or frazzled).
Is it common to take ecstasy before battle -- I'd have thought speed was the drug of choice-- otherwise you might end up giving the enemy a cuddle..
Cheers, Barry.
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Seriously good writing. I found it very solid in both plot and execution.
It has a cinematic quality too it, and it moved at a relentless pace from the opening.
I'd say this was a real man's book and thank god for that they are few and far between on here.
More than happy to back you.
David
Bailey of the Saints

Incredible is all I can say. I wish time permits me to read past chapter 4 but I can tell you this is up there with any Best Selling author!

Excellent story line and just enough to keep the die-hard military action fans salivating, but interesting enough for all the rest!

Happily backed
Denise

I really enjoyed the first chapter, well written and plenty of description. I will try and read more but for the present, I back it although knowing I haven't got into the main story.
Take a look at mine, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story. By reading yours I feel you will like mine and perhaps back it. Take a look at Chapters 7 and 8, the fire fight at Buckingham Palace. Let me know your thoughts on this. John J

"I checked and rechecked that my rifle was loaded and not locked", you know your stuff and have probably been around. You set the tone of realism right off the bat. What you have decided to post so far is well written. Your descriptive writing, use of imagery and the character development are all exceedingly well done. You might consider using a little more dialogue in the first chapter to quicken the pace somewhat. Backed for your potential.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

When I first backed this, the thing I had noticed first was the very first line. It's simple, really, and some people may raise their eyebrows at me for liking it so much, but I do. I like it *because* it's simple, and because it so perfectly describes a behavior that is easily recognized. The descriptions that follow are also good.

I did stumble somewhat on the third paragraph: "...Sergeant Watkins... rapped out, brash, Bronx and ebullient, precise instructions..." After reading it several times I was able to find the cadence that gave it correct grammatical meaning, and then it read fine. But on the first read, so many adjectives in a row gave me a little trouble.

Further in, I had the same reaction: great writing and instantly recognizable descriptions. This is even better than I first thought. One super minor suggestion which might even be inappropriate if my reading was more thorough - "Jimmy had clearly not had his reactions boot-camp honed to the same level..." I would personally take out boot-camp from the line. No other change, just that one word. I love this entire paragraph very much, but that single word detracted, for one reason and one reason only. My husband's own reactions would have been the instantaneous diving for cover, but from battle experience, not boot camp and some of that "instantly identifying with the character" was lost on that word.

On the nitpicking end, I'm wondering if there is purpose to the fact some of your paragraphs are not indented. Most are, but some are not. This may well be a glitch from uploading - formatting that didn't translate, the bane of digital editing.

This is a much longer comment than I had originally meant to write, but I sincerely like this better than a lot of what I read on the site. I hope this goes all the way. This is one of those rare books that both my husband and I would enjoy. Get published!!

No really into who done it, but I really liked this one it was different, well written and with a lot of interesting detail. apart from which I like action packed stories. This is on my watch list to move onto my shelf
Keith
Unit T Special Forces

This has an intriguing pitch and is a really exciting read.

Backed.

Cheers
Elaine
(Long Lying Below)