Hand In The Till

Hi Gerald.
One of my favourite writers on site - Kate Rigby - has sang the praises of Hand In The Till for quite some time now - and with her glowing recommendation and more time on my hands - I’ve finally got around to reading it.

And…
What can I say… It’s absolutely brilliant.

Humour - the greatest weapon known to man, when it comes tae tackling institutional bigotry - or social inequality. And you take that weapon and use it like a pallet knife on this excellent canvass.

It’s a high-wire act, but you do it with aplomb Gerald.

I haven’t read Embarrassment Of Riches yet, so I had to quickly flick through the pitch to get my bearings with Hand In The Till - half a chapter in however and I found I had no need for it. This is an extremely engaging read in its own right - and one deserving of the high praise it’s received.

All your characters are alive and interactive with the dirty poor hard environment around them, and there is for me that air of acceptance about Fionnuala Flood and her tribe, that makes you want to root for them no matter what.

Aye - God gave the gift of humour tae the Irish and Scots. And I think sometimes he decided that that was the only fucking thing we ever needed.

A great piece of writing Gerald. And I sincerely wish you all the best with it.

(I'm sorry I can't be more helpful in the critical sense - but there is nothing I see so far that needs this.)

James.

Jez I didn’t scroll down your profile until I was really into your great second offering. When you mentioned the lottery win around chapter 3 with the sister buying the house, brought back top me your first excellent offering -An Embarrassment of Riches. Hand in the Till is a brilliant sequel, your cast of characters as before make for an irresistible read I aim to enjoy this one as much. You have proven you are not a one trick pony but a writer who can develop multi characters with tongue in cheek humour and reality. Another hit as far as I’m concerned.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

You sir have salvaged my night, my sanity and my hope that literature had not gone the way of the well written song.

The short pitch-- perfect

The long pitch perfecter (I do apologise but if you can think of a real word, please insert there)

Typo: " SHe was nodding that head and tapping her foot to some pop tune of the day which [was] blaring from her iPod headphones."

Victoria is rapturous in her Lady Gaga infused search for violence and altercation.

This is a masterful piece of work that deserves as much praise as can be piled upon it.

It shows skill, talent passion and skill, and talent and skilfully applied passionate talent. Having spent the night trawling through badly written stuff of vampires, werewolves, magic and something called chick lit I was wondering if that wall and my head should have a meeting of minds but now my belief in literature is back!

With writing like yours I wonder why it is not in print and I wonder if mine stands a chance. A supreme writer with talent in buckets, buckets of talent and a gift that can never be achieved, only owned. EXCELLENT.

Forgive me while I mutter the word bastard under my breath three times, turn around, spit and then remember I am in the house and so go and get something to clean up the spit with (I do not handle jealousy of talent well!)

BACKED is all I can say and do and it is a pity at that.

Backed! Backed! Backed! I can't wait...Hurry up and get it finished, I will have to buy it, in fact I am going to read my, Embarrassment of Riches again as you have so wetted my appetite to be with all the characters and laugh and cry with, at, and for them.

ANYONE OUT THERE WHO HASN'T READ AN EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES YOU ARE MISSING A TREAT - GET IT SOON - ON SALE AT AMAZON.CO.UK AND .COM.

Well done, Gerald. Love Mary

I'm back on site, so thought I would re-visit one of my fav books. This is a wonderful, comic read with depth, and it is now published! Will buy if for my Christmas present, hope you are well. My first ever SIX stars is going to this book. And it is going back on my shelf.

During my illness I have worked on To Catch a Dream, the prequel to An Unbreakable Bond, I have a comment that the Irish in it is stereotypical, could do with your help, Gerald, so please take a look... Thanks, love Mary

Your an awesome writer! Happy to put your work on my shelf. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Remains one of the best books I've read here.

What a fun read, Gerald! The dialogue is wonderful. Finished chapter 1, now off to chapter 2. I hope it holds together :-) Jean Kinkade, The Zero Line_________________________

Great stuff, Gerald!

Good luck!
Catherine

Hi Gerald, loved the book. Lots of great imagery and touching emotional points. A tiny point about the dialect - and the difficulty in reading it, it creates atmosphere but can leave readers struggling. Loved the scene where Fionnuala is caught swapping the tins and the end of chapter 2 when the boss arrives. Brilliant. Kerry M (Her Soul To Keep)

Hand in the Till backed Friday, Feb. 5, 2011 at 6 PM.

I really like the opening. Seems very visual for me. Good concrete and specific details that enhance the setting.

Gerald, it seems to me I might have backed this book months ago, before the big changes in Authonomy. It appears that you may have worked it over some since then too, am I correct?

A few small suggestion I might make, "nits" you might say:

1. Remove the double reference to "kinky" sex. One kinky will be enough?

2. Paragraph two, scratch the cliche, "pride and joy." Just leave the nine-year-old Victoria, that should take care of it.

3. Is "petal" a nickname for Victoria? I believe it would be capitalized.

Great writing. I wish you the best.

Hand in the Till backed Friday, Feb. 5, 2011 at 6 PM.

I really like the opening. Seems very visual for me. Good concrete and specific details that enhance the setting.

Gerald, it seems to me I might have backed this book months ago, before the big changes in Authonomy. It appears that you may have worked it over some since then too, am I correct? The cover looks different somehow too.

A few small suggestion I might make, "nits" you might say:

1. Remove the double reference to "kinky" sex. One kinky will be enough?

2. Paragraph two, scratch the cliche, "pride and joy." Just leave the nine-year-old Victoria, that should take care of it.

3. Is "petal" a nickname for Victoria? I believe it would be capitalized.

Great writing. I wish you the best.

Hand in the Till backed Friday, Feb. 5, 2011 at 6 PM.

I really like the opening. Seems very visual for me. Good concrete and specific details that enhance the setting.

Gerald, it seems to me I might have backed this book months ago, before the big changes in Authonomy. It appears that you may have worked it over some since then too, am I correct?

A few small suggestion I might make, "nits" you might say:

1. Remove the double reference to "kinky" sex. One kinky will be enough?

2. Paragraph two, scratch the cliche, "pride and joy." Just leave the nine-year-old Victoria, that should take care of it.

3. Is "petal" a nickname for Victoria? I believe it would be capitalized.

Great writing. I wish you the best.

Hand in the Till backed Friday, Feb. 5, 2011 at 6 PM.

I really like the opening. Seems very visual for me. Good concrete and specific details that enhance the setting.

Gerald, it seems to me I might have backed this book months ago, before the big changes in Authonomy. It appears that you may have worked it over some since then too, am I correct?

A few small suggestion I might make, "nits" you might say:

1. Remove the double reference to "kinky" sex. One kinky will be enough?

2. Paragraph two, scratch the cliche, "pride and joy." Just leave the nine-year-old Victoria, that should take care of it.

3. Is "petal" a nickname for Victoria? I believe it would be capitalized.

Great writing. I wish you the best.

Hand in the Till backed Friday, Feb. 5, 2011 at 6 PM.

I really like the opening. Seems very visual for me. Good concrete and specific details that enhance the setting.

Gerald, it seems to me I might have backed this book months ago, before the big changes in Authonomy. It appears that you may have worked it over some since then too, am I correct?

A few small suggestion I might make, "nits" you might say:

1. Remove the double reference to "kinky" sex. One kinky will be enough?

2. Paragraph two, scratch the cliche, "pride and joy." Just leave the nine-year-old Victoria, that should take care of it.

3. Is "petal" a nickname for Victoria? I believe it would be capitalized.

Great writing. I wish you the best.

Hand in the Till backed Friday, Feb. 5, 2011 at 6 PM.

I really like the opening. Seems very visual for me. Good concrete and specific details that enhance the setting.

Gerald, it seems to me I might have backed this book months ago, before the big changes in Authonomy. It appears that you may have worked it over some since then too, am I correct?

A few small suggestion I might make, "nits" you might say:

1. Remove the double reference to "kinky" sex. One kinky will be enough?

2. Paragraph two, scratch the cliche, "pride and joy." Just leave the nine-year-old Victoria, that should take care of it.

3. Is "petal" a nickname for Victoria? I believe it would be capitalized.

Great writing. I wish you the best.

Hand in the Till backed Friday, Feb. 5, 2011 at 6 PM.

I really like the opening. Seems very visual for me. Good concrete and specific details that enhance the setting.

Gerald, it seems to me I might have backed this book months ago, before the big changes in Authonomy. It appears that you may have worked it over some since then too, am I correct?

A few small suggestion I might make, "nits" you might say:

1. Remove the double reference to "kinky" sex. One kinky will be enough?

2. Paragraph two, scratch the cliche, "pride and joy." Just leave the nine-year-old Victoria, that should take care of it.

3. Is "petal" a nickname for Victoria? I believe it would be capitalized.

Great writing. I wish you the best.

Backed. Comical and engaging tale of the Floods. Terrific!
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa.

I have always found it wise not to criticize what I don't understand. Certainly, I do not pontificate on specific details of any writer's work unless I know exactly what I am talking about and have read the work thoroughly.

Contrary to her/his claim, the previous comments from "tomewriter" are both prudish and made from a position of total ignorance; they even ridicule the very names of the characters in "Hand in the Till." Presumably, this commenter lives in the middle of a field somewhere amongst a population of incurious people who exist in uneventful, perfect, boring, lives and are all called "Smith," because she/he is too stupid to pronounce anything more challenging!

"tomewriter" is arrogant and unwilling to learn what has and is happening in Derry/LondonDerry, from a young and accomplished writer who has lived there, and all around the world, as his American father protected this nation all around the world in the Navy. He knows exactly what he is talking about and is so honest that he actually tells the truth! I do realize that some people "can't handle the truth." ( Jack Nicholson: in A Few Good Men)

I find smugness and the intention to be offended very disappointing in any person who is any kind of teacher. Education involves more than pedantry. I find it even harder to accept writing advice from somebody who is claiming to be an expert but seemingly is unfamiliar with the development of modern English and American English from Middle English. Ours is a wonderfully dynamic and ever evolving language, rapidly being adopted as the second-language of all of Europe and much of Asia and Africa. And, I do not forget Australia and NZ or Canada or India, or anywhere I have not mentioned because of space not ignorance.

I wonder if "tomewriter " has ever read the work of Geoffrey Chaucer and read the way middling sorts of people spoke in 14th century England? I am an adult and I realize that words only have the power over us that we give them. I can read the word "cunt' in Mr Hansen's book because I undertand that he is not attempting to offend me, or others, he is simply portraying, accurately as far as I can determine from people who have lived there, how the poverty and strife-worn and burdened people in that place use language. I am very interested to find out why they use those words and syntax. The most amazing thing is that for most of my lifetime this area has been torn by social, political, economic and religious discord and war conditions. And that the Irish can actually look at the truth, laugh at what they see, and try to understand what needs to change for the better is something I, for one, have been amazed by. Gerald Hansen is a brilliant writer. He made me see these wonderful characters, laugh, cry, groan, tsk, feel for them, and care about them and what happens to them. He is a skilful writer able to use expertly chosen words to show the reader their lives, misery, cold-sores and all.

Gerald Hansen made me understand more about NI than anyone else EVER has, and he did it with a talent for comedy laced with pathos that is just magnificent. I read it three times. I think I get it.

I spent my late teens and twenties in fear of IRA bombings, aware that all my blood relatives on both sides were in a horrible situation. And, I have taught in social deprivation areas. I know very well what children are capable of and, yes, they can behave this way, if they know no other better or effective way, or see adults doing it!

I associate with people who want to understand and improve the situation, which is getting harder with the current economic situation. It saddens me greatly to see the "Celtic Tiger" dead after only six years. My Irish ancestors had no choice but to starve or leave Ireland and man the armies, mines, and foundries of the British Empire. They were denied their own language and names and were treated badly by some of my English ancestors. I am not taking sides, I am stating a fact I acknowledge.

As a Brit and an American, I am impressed and very pleased that the British Prime Minister, David Cameron, has formally apologized to the people of the Bogside for Bloody Sunday. Because of Gerald Hansen's dialogue I understood them almost perfectly when they spoke about being falsely accused, blamed, framed, imprisoned and killed. Gerald Hansen made me feel this on a visceral level. He also made me laugh until my face ached and feel acute pangs of pity for Siofra when she referred to "people who ate three full meals a day." It makes me ashamed that any child in Britain or America, or anywhere else, goes to bed with hunger. I know my grandparents, bombed out of house and home in WW2, often went without to allow their kids to eat. But seemingly it is hard to accept this if you know little of the real world and believe that everyone in America lives in Little House on the Prairie, or in England in a Jane Austen style stately home and socializes with the ton. I have absolutely no delusions that all English schools are like Hogwarts or that all Americans live in Walnut Grove. ( yeah right!)

"What happened on Bloody Sunday was both unjustified and unjustifiable. It was wrong" Cameron says.
A Peace Deal was brokered in 1998; but there is much to heal and improve. I am mindful that 651 British Soldiers also died. Also many policemen. My best friend was almost blown to pieces in The Birmingham Pub Bombings. I understand the fear but hating is not the answer. People will almost always behave better if they are shown a better way and know they are heard and treated fairly. And, as for those who think manual work is not work I suggest they should try it! I have, and it is hard, and there is little reward for the effort from people like "tomewriter" who apparently thinks that having a big car indicates class. I think a man or woman who has everything and treats the waiter badly lacks class no matter how much money they have. And yes! People can have material wealth and behave very badly to those who do not; especially if they are the ones exploiting them! Maybe if "tomewriter" had overcome prudery and actually read the book she/he might have learned something about that as it is a major theme of the plot!

I have really enjoyed reading about Fionnuala Flood and her brood and I have watched them grow and obtain insight over both books. I am eagerly hoping that the promised third will come as soon as this impressive young writer has the energy to write it down and hold down work work as well. I did not know until after I read " An Embarrassment of Riches," that Gerald's biggest supporter is the outstanding comedian Colin Quinn who is currently starring in a one-man show on Boadway produced by Mr Jerry Seinfeld. Colin Quinn understands history and exactly what has happened in NI and he is going to be there for the new book launch later this month to help with readings.

As a teacher, my children - both my own and those I taught knew saxon words for body parts. I explained to them that the Normans conquered the Anglo-Saxons and so the Anglo-Saxons found their language regarded as low class. And it stands to reason that the Irish language also suffered at the hands of English conquerors. I told my kids that people were offended by these words because they did not understand this; so it was considered crass to use them in most places. Understanding made a big difference!

But we and "tomewriter" don't live in a former warzone where tanks rolled down the road and plastic bullets came through the windows. I have always told my kids to ask me or their fathers or their teachers/bosses, questions if they want to get answers - and of course, today's kids are computer-literate.

I want kids today to have really good books and access to the full canon of literature I had as a child. I want to see excellent literary fiction on the shelves. My choices are on my shelf. I don't nitpick minor typos in a first posting up because I am more concerned whether the substance is interesting and I can learn something. I have made an objection about 'tomewriter" making an ill-thought out, unkind, ill-informed comment because I have a big problem with people using a public world forum to make themselves look clever at the expense of someone who cannot remove their plainly wrong words. The fact is that the truth happening in NI is not pretty; but History has to be the Truth or it is not authentic but fiction or Propaganda. I admire brilliance and truth and there is a bucketful here. Please agents look at what is here.

So, if you are inclined to comment be fair, and if you really haven't time to explore a subject and determine what the truth is, or it's just not your thing, then just pass by with kindness. If you really can't do that , then simply have the grace to confine such comments to the message system where they can at least be removed if they are mistaken, rather than unfairly permanently condemn someone's hard work through your own ignorance. And, it is disingenuous to claim to care about hurting the feelings of someone as you shove the knife into his bowels and publicly gut him with your naive and offensive opinion from the safety of a position of anonymous ignorance.

Maddie.

Okay. I tried, but the middle of chapter three was it for me. I'm not a prude, but the filthy language turned me off. Here, in the States, the expression 'cunt,' is about the worst thing a woman could be called, but in your story, it is thrown around like confetti, which makes me think the connotation is different.

There are multiple grammar and spelling mistakes. Many sentences are unclear. The premise of a nine year old being experienced and tough enough to beat another child like that is unrealistic, unless she was raised on the streets and/or had to fend for herself. You suggest, from the appearance of the father and daughter, his apparent business success and the kind of car he is driving, that they are classier, more educated, and well mannered people. You give the reader the opposite, making your characters behave like gutter rats. So which is it? Either they are classy people and don't behave like that, or they are gutter rats pretending to be higher class. Confusing for the reader.

Why would the little girl want to steal something from an underprivileged child, when her father could probably purchase ten of the same item for her, unless she's some kind of a psychopath. Maybe she is and I just couldn't read far enough to find out.

The names of some of the characters were hard to pronounce and therefore slowed the pace, while the reader stumbled over them. Mrs. O' Mahoney. I can see Mrs. O' Flannery, but O' Mahoney?

I found nothing comedic about it, nor do I agree that this piece is dark comedy.

The first three chapters are far from being a tantalizing and compelling read. The only thing I got out of it, was hoping that Victoria gets her comeuppance. Sorry to be so hard on you, or if I've hurt your feelings, but I think you will gain more from this critique if I am honest. Best wishes.
Janell (tomewriter)

Gerald, This is really quite brilliant, revealing Derry's underbelly in such a dark and funny way. The characterisation is spot on with Siofra and Victoria (I hope she ends up head first in a wheelie bin) and the language/dialect/dialogue is excellent, I can hear it as I read. Reminds me a little of "Shameless" on TV. From your profile I see that you are already published with this, so I will wish you continued good luck and wait for book number three to appear. High starred and waiting to go on my shelf.
Babs

Gerald,

Some time ago, you backed my book Crane's Way, and I am finally able to return the favor.

I've read four chapters of Hand in the Till. You've done an excellent job of painting a clear, detailed setting for the story. I could practically smell the garbage in the alley, the damaged vegetables in the shop. You also have a way with dialect, which is not easy to do. After four chapters, I don't have a lot of sympathy for any of the characters except Siofra, which is perhaps what you intended. (If you wanted the reader to have sympathy for Fionnuala, you might want to re-think how she's presented,) The image of two nine-year-old girls brawling in an alley over a Hannah Montana watch is equal parts awful, surreal, and weirdly comical. The parallel battle between two middle-aged women is more pathetic and hopeless.

I noted the following nitpicks for correction:

Ch 1

For once, had something to worry about. Should be "For once, he had something to worry about."

"Cherrio." Should be "Cheerio."

landrovers should be Land Rovers

. . . about the same age as she . . . After the preposition "as", you want the objective "her" (or Victoria, if "as her" sounds awkward to you).

. . . they honed in on it . . . You want "homed in".

Ch 3

. . . all conditioned brown hair . . . Isn't Hannah Montana blond? As I understand it, Miley has brown hair but wears a blond wig when she performs as Hannah.

Ch 4

"I've a litany of complains . . ." You want complaints.

. . . an very long . . . You want "a very long"

Fionnuala started down . . . You want "stared down"

This has the makings of an excellent black comedy, and I wish you all the best with it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

Congratulations on your writing successes! Both your books deserve publication as they are both talented works. If I were an agent I'd be calling you pronto. Im shelving this again in this new regime for a few days!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Oops- one nitpik: 11th paragraph, starting with "william," chapter 1, "less human that SHE, not her.
Lenore

Hand in the Till
While I am juggling with some of the idioms, being from the States, there is no disputing that this book is of the highest quality and I am delighted that I found it. There is no incidence of grammatical or spelling errors, or poor sentence structure , leaving the reader to enjoy a superior drama, spelling out class and religious distinctions that punctuate the connection of people who otherwise have so much in common. This must rise to the top as soon as possible so as not to delay its publication.
Starred and backed.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

Great writing. I'll put this on my shelf so I can continue reading.

This is crackingly funny. I have two broken ribs after reading the first chapter alone. BACKED with a flourish.

Beccsy X

p.s. may I crave you have a look at Orlando Furioso's WATCHING SWIFTS, thank you darling.

A hilarious pitch! Followed by a dark opening, brilliantly portraying the grim side of Northern Island. The dialogue/dialect is spot on. I could smell, taste and hear this story. I look forward to reading on. This novel deserves to do very well.

Nice one, Gerald! Talk about action packed - loved it

Ah, this is a terrific read and it is always handy to know that even wet teabags and fag ash will not remove the smell of dog poo. Oh, and I can't wait to meet someone truly attrocious and call them a 'sleekit cunt' - genius. Lovely, lovely, funny writing and the dialogue...I'm not worthy! Pinched this from Kate's bookshelf!! Good luck with it, Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'

It's hard for me not to gush and come across all patronising b-u-t ...
I well remembered An Embarrassment of Riches - how good it was b-u-t HAND IN THE TILL is just sublime. I'm going to leave it at that otherwise I'll make you cringe!

Hi Gerald.
One of my favourite writers on site - Kate Rigby - has sang the praises of Hand In The Till for quite some time now - and with her glowing recommendation and more time on my hands - I’ve finally got around to reading it.

And…
What can I say… It’s absolutely brilliant.

Humour - the greatest weapon known to man, when it comes tae tackling institutional bigotry - or social inequality. And you take that weapon and use it like a pallet knife on this excellent canvass.

It’s a high-wire act, but you do it with aplomb Gerald.

I haven’t read Embarrassment Of Riches yet, so I had to quickly flick through the pitch to get my bearings with Hand In The Till - half a chapter in however and I found I had no need for it. This is an extremely engaging read in its own right - and one deserving of the high praise it’s received.

All your characters are alive and interactive with the dirty poor hard environment around them, and there is for me that air of acceptance about Fionnuala Flood and her tribe, that makes you want to root for them no matter what.

Aye - God gave the gift of humour tae the Irish and Scots. And I think sometimes he decided that that was the only fucking thing we ever needed.

A great piece of writing Gerald. And I sincerely wish you all the best with it.

(I'm sorry I can't be more helpful in the critical sense - but there is nothing I see so far that needs this.)

James.

I love the dialogue that you have with its rich accents easy or the mental ear to hear. It creates a nice atmosphere of believability for your readers to immerse themselves in. This was well written and full of character.

This to me is first class writing. Compelling and fascinating. I say fascinating because we are reading of the differences of opinion between people that have to live together to survive.
Your book is so well written, the description and dialogue is exceptional throughout.
I did notice a couple of things, but nothing more.
Ch. 1/ ....The girl about the same age(as she)and vaguely malnourished... Would leave 'as she' out.
ch.2/ ....Her grey face, with its horsey mismatched teeth, usualy (droOped) in despondency.... Just a key slip here.
An excellent book, a good read, pleased to star rate it.

Regards,

Neville THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - SERIES.

Wonderful! Your dialogue, the characters - completely engaging. I only paused once, and it's exactly where you don't want me to pause: the opening sentence. I found it strangely awkward -- so unlike the rest of the chapter. That's all I can say to critique -- at least for chapter one and I can tell you, that I'll be back for more when I have time. Good stuff. Best,
Tricia

I was only able to read two chapters tonight. Not my genre, but the dialogue is true and the brogue is not ovetdone. You create interest and tension in the first chapter which moves the reader on to the next. I am backing, even though it's not my favorite genre - I think it deserves a publisher.

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

If you have any time at all, I would appreciate your giving my book a small read. Thanks.

HAND IN THE TILL
I have already written a comment on this 9 days ago so I will just confirm my instincts with this brilliant book by endorsing this with my support. Good Luck Gerald
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Now I do like this. I was too engrossed to pay heed to critique - there probably isn't much anyway I imagine. I'm a mongrel from bandit-country and think the authenticity and voice is peachy, in a gritty kind of way. You have created very strong and well woven plot from as far as I read (wish I had more time). Books I really enjoy spend at least a week on my shelf and get max-star rated. Nice work. Shelving soon ... s-m

Hi Gerald. Firstly, thank you for backing LONDON. Enjoying your work. On chapter 4. Nice steady flow of artistic expression, you've painted a very fun journey. As a scriptwriter, I enjoy a good visual - reads well, and terrific dialogue. Nice!

blessings,
jim

I'll admit, I'm torn. I almost find the funny details tossed in more disturbing that the blind hatred. I've got some suggestions though:

Something about loitering, lifted, and littered all in the first sentence bugs me. I read it several times thinking you'd repeated a word. I'd consider revising it.

There's also something else this bugs me. I have a hard time the street urchin isn't a better scrapper than the pampered rich girl... I'm also thinking they're high school aged and no one would be interested in a Hannag Montana watch -- even if that is a rather humorous detail.

One more thing and I'll quit. I find myself wanting to get into the story more quickly -- or at least understand where I'm headed. I already detest the Skivvins and just hope they don't hang around too long.

Loving your work Gerald.
Didn't realise it was a sequel and now I can't decide whether to continue going forward, or go backwards and start again.
But I do know which direction this book is going - straight onto my shelf!
Rhonda Louise
Wombat Sushi

Read a bit. I will comment a bit later on.

Hi Gerald,

This is a great story. I've only had time to read the first few chapters but I will be back for more, as it is I've read more than I usually do on this site.

There are a few minor typos and given that the story is set in Northern Ireland, words like 'neighbor' should be spelt 'neigbour'.

You have the occassional unneeded word like 'his kingdom over, where the word 'over is redundant.

I don't understand the reference to 'insisted Mary was a virgin' as protestants believe this too.

The biggest credibility issue is why would William take a nine-year-old child into what he knows to be a rough area? There could be a good reason for this but it needs to be explained. The reason he then leaves her in the car alone also needs more work. She insists, but she's nine years old! Why does he give in so easily.

The fight scene with the children is (unfortunately) quite realistic, except that the catholic girl, living in a rougher area would be likely to be the tougher of the two yet she is the loser. For her to be beaten as easily as this you need to give Victoria some advantage, make her slightly older or at least bigger than her victim. She has already been perceived as a bully so making it an unfair fight is not going to change the reader's opinion of her..

I'm sure with a bit of polishing, this will find a publisher. Good luck with it.

Ron

HAND IN THE TILL
Dear Gerald,
This is very original with lively writing. I enjoyed the broad brogue - a lovely touch which makes the story come alive.
The dialogue is classic Derry culture. Your characters are admirable and everything about this book makes for a brilliant read. Clever to make this book a sequel to your excellent An Embarrassment of Riches. This definately should make the desk. On my WL. Well and good luck
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Happy to have this back on my shelf.

Brilliant stuff altogether, as a Derryman myself was a bit sceptical to begin with but this won me over. Backed.

This book Rocks. Its utterly readable and like a brilliant sort of sit come. The situations and the characters are so well crafted I had started to read this before the great star debate and was really enjoying it I may look at the other Embarrasment of Riches as this is just my sort of read. The book itself is classles you can laugh with it or at it. You are very tallented and easily a 5 star read. Good Luck I hope this gets picked up.

Amelia
A Date in the Diary

Great pitch and on the whole great opening chapter, but you slow it down too much with explanation and backstory. My suggestion cut a lot of it and keep the plot moving forward. The troubles are well illustrated by the pepsi and coke line, so you don't need to give the reader any history lessons this early on. Jake

Pretty desperate situation for pretty desperate characters. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Oh my GOd. What a dysfunctional family. Fantastic characters, and an engaging story. Loved it! Backed. Eunice - THe Temple Dancer.

At this moment I cannot recall ever having read better written dialogues in a consistent, peculiar tongue that is the native way of speaking of some people on this globe so that those not familiar with that way of speaking can enjoy it and indulge in it. In the first chapters these fascinating, true-to-life dialogues captivated all my attention and the story unfolded itself of its own accord in the background. The only critical comment I can make is that here and there your sentences outside the dialogues are a bit "full", see if you could delete some of the adjectives/adverbs so the sentences become a bit "slimmer" and perhaps more effective. Who said more is less? Excellent work, so rise and shine! Hannah

Backed - it reads like a Pogues medley - class writing!!!!!!!

Rob

Excellent work. The first chapter quickly morphed into something I was not expecting. This was truly captivating. What a savage beast William's sweet little "petal" turned out to be. Very well written.

Happily backed and I'll be back for more.

Eric

Jez I didn’t scroll down your profile until I was really into your great second offering. When you mentioned the lottery win around chapter 3 with the sister buying the house, brought back top me your first excellent offering -An Embarrassment of Riches. Hand in the Till is a brilliant sequel, your cast of characters as before make for an irresistible read I aim to enjoy this one as much. You have proven you are not a one trick pony but a writer who can develop multi characters with tongue in cheek humour and reality. Another hit as far as I’m concerned.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look