Sick

SICK
A good wordy diagnosis of mental sickness? Backed.
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

This is a well-crafted book.
Disturbing and evocative it actually becomes slightly addictive.
I think some of the imagery you create around the non/reality is immense. Brilliantly narrated. – Good luck

Hi Dusty,

Your pitch is interesting; it will certainly pull in the readers. I found the book easy to get into. The pace was great and flow was smooth; almost rhythmical. It was engaging and compelling.

Very well written.

Shinzy :)

Dear Dusty Mills,

Mental illness devastates utterly and completely. I'm at a loss for words, so may I kindly extend best wishes to you and for those who endure a difficult journey.

Good luck with your work. Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

SICK
The story is so desolate, with such a bleak tone, and yet it's utterly entrancing. The narrative is beautifully descriptive despite the harrowing subject, and it's a real page-turner.
I've only read the first two chapter so far - I'll return to read the rest later - but I'm backing this now, and I wish you every success

Gail
NEW BEGINNINGS

This is bleak, harrowing and highly engaging. Nihilism. Existentialism. Anguish. Love it.

Crisp, descriptive and deliciously dark narrative, ala Dostoevsky or Kafka.

A refreshing change from all the fantasies, thrillers, and chic lit that litter this site.

Kudos.

On my shelf, and hope to watch it continue its rapid climb.

Best,

Greg

Hi,
Sick - v strong pitch
I read Ch5 -
1. 'shrouded in mystery' is a cliche and the language doesn't fit the character
2. 'I think' - better without
3. crunching bites of apple with his teeth', of course with his teeth, you don't need to say so
4. 'sporadic' again this language doesn't fit the character? Using hism as a narrator is tricky, but if you do it you must be consistent.
But generally, good engaging stuff. BACKED
Please have a look at Charlie Marconi - ch2 is from a kids POV

Sick:

This has been a tough, emotionally draining, read. I didn't read the pitch nor your profile info, so I didn't know if you were male or female, but while reading, I was sure you were male as your character is so real.

All the best, and it's already on my shelf.

Cáit :o)

This is a haunting read. Well crafted, and you obviously believe in this product. Backed

A enthrauling read that is haunting. This a quite storm of the mind that seems to build until it's and gale force of misery. The words explode of the page and we feel the recoil of emtion you so carefully crafted.. C W

Disturbing, haunting and emotionally draining, but so readable. A study in the horrors that one human being can heap upon another making you wonder at the choices people make and the reasons behind them.
Not a book likley to command a popular following perhaps, but one that increases understanding.

Hi Dusty, to be honest i've only read the prologue but have backed it and will keep reading when i get the chance, its a great premise and i found myself trying to figure out how i would progress the story myself and how it could end.

the first sentence is so important in a novel because it has to really grab the reader and just be perfect, and there is a problem with yours in that you've repeated the word 'life' , maybe think about changing the last word to 'it'. just a thought.

Dusty:

Reading SICK was uncomfortable and jarring, and that's a compliment. Allen's mental rhythms and life experiences wouldn't be effective if you didn't create that sense for a reader. How do we make sense of our memories, anyway? How do we piece together the measure of our lives? Allen's struggle makes me ponder those questions.

Cheers,
Mike Somers
Starved

Dusty:

Reading SICK was uncomfortable and jarring, and that's a compliment. Allen's mental rhythms and life experiences wouldn't be effective if you didn't create that sense for a reader. How do we make sense of our memories, anyway? How do we piece together the measure of our lives? Allen's struggle makes me ponder those questions.

Cheers,
Mike Somers
Starved

The beginning is haunting and sad. You take us into Allen's world and it's terrifying. Shelved.

Carol

Your use of the first person narrative coupled with your highly descriptive writing style makes your finely constructed, thought provoking novel a pleasure to read. Your work is well written and well paced. I liked your exploration of inner angst and self-doubts as well as your excellent use of imagery, Backed with pleasure,


Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Katherine, I am so pleased to hear your thoughts and to see that you picked up on his feelings toward his family. Thank you and good luck with The Swan Bonnett!

Hi Dusty, Allen’s thoughts while he is catatonic are absorbing. I liked the phrase “memories begin their incessant performance” and their replay is intense, demonstrating a mind that hasn’t assimilated his night fears with daytime reality. When most children do. The style draws into his obsessive belief in his own perceptions so that he’s created an alternate world and becomes unreliable in his attitudes towards his family. That becomes compelling! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Dusty, Allen’s thoughts while he is catatonic are absorbing. I liked the phrase “memories begin their incessant performance” and their replay is intense, demonstrating a mind that hasn’t assimilated his night fears with daytime reality. When most children do. The style draws into his obsessive belief in his own perceptions so that he’s created an alternate world and becomes unreliable in his attitudes towards his family. That becomes compelling! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I am amazed by this incredible story and the way it is told. I don't think I have ever read anything like it, and I don't mind reading "sick" books at all. This is a true expedition into someone's mind, or better, Allen's psyche, as if we were him...somehow there is a lot of compassion in the story as well. Or maybe it is merely suggested by the despair in those pages. Very well done, and definitely worth backing.

Greetings Dusty,

After reading your first chapter, I'm already convinced that you have written, or will write, a fascinating, successful novel. The theme of "Sick" opens innumerable possibilities. You can commit terrible crimes and suffer agonizing regrets, if you want the narrative to take that course. And the writing itself is clear, interesting, and flawless. I will gladly back your novel and return to read more. Meanwhile, I hope you'll take a look at my realistic, historical tale "The Doctor of Summitville," blending a love story with the practice of medicine in a country town during the Great Depression. Your views would be most welcome.

Best wishes, Bill

Interesting read. Watch out for too many 'I's' in the first chapter - it's the curse of first person narrative and I'm struggling with it on my rewrites of Samael. Also just check your tenses - you switch from past to present a lot - and sometimes describe the past in the past tense and sometimes in the present (as far as I could see) - think it would be stronger if you were consistent. Confess I am not a huge fan of present tense in any way - but hey, your book!
It's a book I would probably have loved when I was younger - now maybe not so much (nothing to do with your writing - just my personal tastes have changed) - but I think you can write a storm and I'm happy to back.

Hi Dusty
This is delightfully haunting and I really felt for Allen. It must be so hard to write from the mind of someone with a mental illness (in fact I tried it once and found it almost impossible to make it credible). Some great descriptive work and an intriguing story. I would love to know how things work out here.
DP Walker
Five Dares

The first chapter is dark and claustrophobic. Will have to take a deep breath if I'll read on.
Feels authentic.
Karien - A Bird in a Pram.

Dusty, This is a very dark story, I think you get into the mind and character extremely well, one can only surmise what a mentally ill criminal murderer might have started out like, before turning into such a monster.

This was to SICK for me, as I tend to read things to escape life's ugliness, but it just re-enforces the realism you have captured through your premise and character.

I would have liked a little more info on his Dad and sister, a little more build up on the progression of his sick homelife, however I do like the way you use his mind as his prison, unable to escape who he is.

Well done Backed I am sure this will be a hit in your genre Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Thank you for the comment and the backing!

Very interesting premise. I would like to see more dialogue, but that's just me. I'll back it for you. Dave

Very interesting premise. I would like to see more dialogue, but that's just me. I'll back it for you. Dave

Very enthralling, and a little sad too. But you've done a great job with this, I love the narrative and the feeling you convey through your writing. Best of luck with this interesting piece of work, but I have a feeling this is going to do well.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

What an incredibly sad story, but very well-written. You really feel in the MC's shoes as he relives his past and what, he feels, is his reason for being.

Great!

Happily Backed
Denise

Would you mind having a look at my book, "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon"?

Dusty, great idea, Catcher in The Rye type opening, challenging and wellwritten, backed John Warren Lasting Images, please review, jdub

Dusty, great idea, Catcher in The Rye type openiong, challenging and wellwritten, backed John Warren Lasting Images, please review, jdub

Deep, thought provoking, and well written. Good luck with this.

D.E. LaRiviere (AKA Milo Saint) Six of One

This is great writing; the character is great and the ending; well if you want to know you must read it. Good job. Backed!!! HG Ross( The Lost Paper)

Great character voice and deep, comtemplative style. Backed!

N.Moore
Vicar of Wrynbury

Excellent view into the mind of your MC. Your writing style is very descriptive and I found it a very engaging story. Backed.
Jennie
Lies and Betrayal

I very much like the narrative in this, it's engaging and makes you want to read more, if anything just to understand the character better. I think you have a great read here and have shelved it :) best of luck.

Josh (Shadow Man)

This is tremendously engaging. Well done and good luck with it.

HI Dusty, A very descriptive novel. INtriguing and I like the novel. I BACK the book! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Your highly descriptive writing style coupled with your use of the first person narrative, which I especially like, makes your finely crafted novel a pleasure to read. Your work is well paced, well written and your character development is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Dusty, I'm sorry I can't be constructive but your other comments seem to say it all. A most intriguing read. Thank you.
BACKED
Good luck, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Wow, this blew me away!

BACKED!

stevew
The Ultimate/The Authors Cut

One of the best dystopian novels on the site.
Your unreliable narration has the reader searching the subtleties for hidden meaning.
A very engaging book and backed with pleasure.
Hope it's a read you will return.
DF
Bailey of the Saints

Oof this is really heavy, really original and very
well written., with a totally surprising but plausible ending..
'How sad for Allen, but he's better of dead' i thought, but
of course we can't believe anything we've read.
I would introduce some device whereby
it's logical he's such a good writer, and how can he describe his own death?
Plus maybe more little hints
that his crimes may not be real.?
Backed with good wishes mikegilli

I find your pitch quite enveloping and though provoking. I will try to find time to read more to get a sense of your MC's true intentions and whether or not he can hold it together long enough to survive. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Thank you for your input Luke! You made some really excellent points that I will definitely take into serious consideration. It is most definitely not autobiographical as I'm a 20 something female! Thank you for expressing your sympathies if it were AB.
-D

Okay, brilliant, needs to start paragraph 6, chapter 2 though, that's where you start telling a story instead of him 'thinking' which is all unnecessary and the kind of stuff people skip. From there on in, phew, sickly magnetic, seems grossly autobiographical so I'm really sorry if it is; if not, it's very emotively imagined, well done. Try to use less personal comments from the character about himself, just tell the story and it's brill. Yours, Luke.

Okay, brilliant, needs to start paragraph 6, chapter 2 though, that's where you start telling a story instead of him 'thinking' which is all unnecessary and the kind of stuff people skip. From there on in, phew, sickly magnetic, seems grossly autobiographical so I'm really sorry if it is; if not, it's very emotively imagined, well done. Try to use less personal comments from the character about himself, just tell the story and it's brill. Yours, Luke.

I've just added chapter 5: Bonded

CW, I like that... "delishishly deranged"! Thank you for your comments and the backing!

Dusty - a delishishly deranged character, intelligent, inquisitive, actually sadly humorous and what a family! Very fine writing! Gladly backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

Dusty - a delishishly deranged character, intelligent, inquisitive, actually sadly humorous and what a family! Very fine writing! Gladly backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

Yes, it is a heavy piece and I've never been much of a fan of wrapping things with pretty bows... ;) Thank you for your comment and compliment! I am looking forward to reading The Firelord's Crown!

Well, it's not exactly a laugh a minute but the title says it all. This is a skilful exposition from, as you say, sane to insane to criminally insane. I am mesmerised by your telling but, after 3 chapters, feel the need to come up for air. Well done, you have a strong author voice with a compelling read.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Well, it's not exactly a laugh a minute but the title says it all. This is a skilful exposition from, as you say, sane to insane to criminally insane. I am mesmerised by your telling but, after 3 chapters, feel the need to come up for air. Well done, you have a strong author voice with a compelling read.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown