Book Jacket

 

rank 3177
word count 17770
date submitted 22.05.2010
date updated 22.05.2010
genres: Fiction, Romance, Historical Fictio...
classification: universal
incomplete

Tangled Destiny (Working Title)

Pendare) Patricia Cooper

Sarah is catapulted 200 years back to replace a runaway bride. Whilst unravelling Catherine’s mysterious disappearance, she finds adventure and romance in the 18th century.

 

The contractual marriage between Christian St. Clair and Catherine Trevane will unite two of the most powerful families in South Carolina. But in 1778, just weeks before the wedding, Catherine disappears without a trace.

Concerned as to Catherine’s whereabouts and urged on by his father’s insistence that the contract has to be fulfilled, Christian seeks the help of a local healer, and wise woman, Linnet, who, rumour has it, can find the lost. Linnet’s secret is that she is not only Merlin’s daughter, but she is an immortal and a time travel guide. She agrees to help Christian. However, when she discovers that his bride has taken refuge in the 20th century, she knows she cannot fulfill her mission without resorting to subterfuge Her quest is further compromised when she discovers Catherine had miscalculated the year of her arrival and is now an elderly widow, living with her career oriented granddaughter, Sarah. Linnet knows she cannot change history by bringing Catherine back to her own time, so she does the next best thing and brings Sarah, who is the spitting image of her grandmother when young.

Murder and mayhem follow before the truth comes out and destiny is fulfilled.

 
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AndrewStevens wrote 218 days ago

Lovely work, Patricia.

Veronica, Caregiver wrote 390 days ago

Do you happen to know a caregiver who might enjoy a book that I hope will encourage, uplift, and support those who sacrifice time and energy caring for invalids, the sick, and the old? Please encourage the caregiver you know to register on authonomy.com and take a look at my book, Treading Water With God. Peace, Veronica

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 602 days ago

A really great start with evidence of style and talent with words...well done!
Stewart

sye wrote 608 days ago

Hi,
Backed your book from the pitch, but it certainly looks to be a compelling read.
I'll do my best to comment within the next few days.
All the best and good luck
Sye
Losing The Hate

Iva P. wrote 609 days ago

Well done, Patricia. Good story, good writing. Did you find a publisher? If not, contact me.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Jim Darcy wrote 642 days ago

Hi Patricia, just wondering if you have had the chance to take a look at Firelord yet? I'm especially hoping for some feedback on the later chapters. nb. chapter 34 is actually chapter 1 of book 2!
Thanks anyway, I enjoyed what I read of yours. :).
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Craig Ellis wrote 668 days ago

HI Patricia
You write very well and your novel is well developed. I beleive it is very important to know the day and month in a setting. As a reader on this site I find that many writers are "wanna be's". They lack setting and descriptive words to place or give the reader a "feel of the story". Most writers "narrate" rather than provide a real setting with vivid decription of time, pplace and people. You did well and the other critique below well " can jump in a lake".You have a great writing style and descriptive pattern that I do not see too often on this site. I am a reader and not a writer. My partner Craig Ellis who has a book on this account and site called "The Sun and the Saber". Pls check it out. I will get him to back your book when he comes back from the store. I had to hurry and get on the net while he was away. We have only one computer.

Keep up the good work. Keep writing!
Vi

Johanna Kern wrote 684 days ago

This is an intriguing, beautifully crafted tale of love, mystery and time travel.

Destiny has its own ways - and people often get entangled between their own will and what really is meant for them. A very important question that you rise here: destiny versus one's will :)

I love your story - it's very visual as well intriguing. Very cinematic.

You are a superb writer - and I 'm backing this fine work with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

zan wrote 699 days ago

Tangled Destiny (Working Title)

Pendare) Patricia Cooper

You have a very appealing plot here Patricia. Being catapulted 200 years back sounds like a delicious adventure in store for Sarah. I am drawn to your themes and your historical setting makes this rich and compelling. I hope you are able to get a cover for this soon which will distinguish it from others with the standard HC cover and give this more visibility here.

Apologies - I am not doing in-depth reviews at the moment. Present “real life” responsibilities make this impossible, including family responsibilites resulting from school vacation, and, I am also presently editing some of my pieces uploaded here. I have backed your book after reading your pitches alone or your pitches and first chapter upload because I was impressed by them and believe your book deserves an HC review. I do not do blind backings but always read some of the author’s work before backing. After some eleven months of being on this site, I have read and commented on about 450-500 books – maybe more, as many writers have withdrawn books from the site and it’s now difficult to keep track. If you would like a more detailed comment on your effort, do leave me a message and I will be happy to oblige when school starts up again and family responsibilites are lightened, or before that, if I have some available time. In the meantime, I was honoured to have given your book a spin on my shelf, genuinely believe it has wonderful potential and I wish you the best in finding a publisher. (I would of course be most grateful if you are able to spend a little time on mine.)
Best wishes and a happy summer to you and family.
Zan

lizjrnm wrote 700 days ago

This is such a compelling read! Excellent characterizations and spot on dialogue make this a book I'd be thrilled to have purchased! Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Francesco wrote 702 days ago

Great premise and highly enjoyable!!!
Backed.
Frank.
Please approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

Caroline Hartman wrote 706 days ago

Dear Patricia,
I believe you have woven quite a tangled tale of destiny. You mentioned something about the lack of history. I did not sense that-the history is woven into how they dressed, how they thought, how they talked and lived. You have a wonderful romance blossoming here, with exciting characters, with serious problems. I wish you all the best with this. I liked it immensely.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Rusty Bernard wrote 708 days ago

Dear Pendare,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, read a couple of chapters and enjoyed them.

How much more I read and comment on will depend on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything.

MM
Psychiatric Evaluation

eloraine wrote 713 days ago

I love this genre and I love this. Really well done and an imaginative twist. Beat of luck with it. E.loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Butler's Girl wrote 713 days ago

A must read for historical fiction fans. A wonderful story, characters and plot.
Best wishes
Alison Butler

lynn clayton wrote 719 days ago

A delight of a book. If I felt the need to escape - and I do, from vampire books - this would be the one. Not that's it's light-weight. But it's full of beautiful descriptions, fascinating characters and a sense of magic. Love it. Backed. Lynn

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 722 days ago

A great combination of fantasy and romance. I really like time travel. Nice job! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

klouholmes wrote 722 days ago

Hi Patricia, The time and region are so well evoked, it’s a story to slip into and look around in. The indifference of Christian’s father to the disappearance is a draw and his hiring Pinkerton detectives. The only thing – I liked knowing about Linnet at the beginning as she has a mystical quality but I felt I’d rather know the background info about her when Christian seeks her. Things heighten then with her prescience! Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

S Richard Betterton wrote 723 days ago

I've got more and more into historical fiction because of this site, and I've really enjoyed the first chapter of this, and with the heat in Madrid today, I need someone to fill my tub with cool water before I expire!

mvw888 wrote 725 days ago

Your pitch drew me in; it's very interesting, this mix with the time travel and the look back at the 1700s. And this is very polished writing, really you do everything well--characterization, pace, story development. Not a thing to criticize and definitely a book that I would buy.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

yasmin esack wrote 725 days ago

Lovely blend of historical fiction and science fiction. Oh so good.
This is a page turner.

Backed (previously)

carlashmore wrote 725 days ago

As a fellow time time traveller, I couldn't help but be drawn to the wonderful story. Brimming with imagination, it could do with a slight edit for punctuation/grammar issues, but that aside, I thought it was very enjoyable with strong characters.
Happy to back.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Jim Darcy wrote 727 days ago

Mary Seacole learned her craft in the Caribbean too. This is a well crafted story that just needs a bit of an edit and a trim to become a very good read indeed. Your characters are certainly believable and engage the reader's interest. The premise could be cliched but has enough original strands to make for an entertaining story. Listen to the advice, take it if it seems good to you and keep working on a very good tale.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Cait wrote 727 days ago

Tangled Destiny:

About the tightening? Now I’m no editor so I won’t mind if you disagree with these little things.

It's almost midnight, so I’ll just go over a couple to see what you think?

It was on a Monday, in the middle of June, 1765, that the woman known as Linnet walked onto the St. Clair Plantation.. She carried a bent willow basket and, with a large calico cat at her heels, she approached the young master of Clairmont..

This opening sentence… How important to the story is it that we know it was a Monday, and it was the middle of June? I’m thinking you could put a header just before the first sentence like this?

June, 1765

A large calico cat scittered after Linnet as she strode onto the St.Clair Plantation. With an arm crooked around a bent willow basket, she approached the young master of Cairmont. – This sentence has 32 words. The one above has, I think, 45. By the way, you have an extra dot after Plantation, and Clairmont.

Christian St. Clair was on his knees beside a dying child./Christian St.Clair knelt beside a dying child?

She saw the desperation in his eyes. /His eyes spoke of the desperation his heart surely felt? - His eyes showed the desperation his heart must have felt?

She seemed to know where the sick lay and she went to each in turn, comforting, giving potions to drink, sponging fever-wracked bodies with cool spring water and all the while talking in a soothing voice, soft and reassuring.

She went to where the sick lay, comforting each, giving potions to drink, sponging fever-wracked bodies with cool spring water, and all the while, talking in a soothing voice, soft and reassuring. Not sure if you need 'soft and reassuring' as well as soothing?

(The odd thing was, n) Nobody questioned who she was, or where she had come from.

When their souls had passed, they were carefully laid in plain pine boxes and slipped into hurriedly dug graves by their grieving families.- Here, it almost sounds as though the ‘souls’ were laid in pine boxes.

When their souls had passed, the grieving families carefully laid their loved ones in plain pine boxes and slipped them into hurriedly dug graves?

The above are just examples, but if no one else suggested tightening, then please ignore these. :)

All the best,

Cáit ~ Muckers

Avril Cowie wrote 728 days ago
Cait wrote 728 days ago

Tangled Destiny:

I wish I had more time to read further than the first chapter. I love the way you transport the reader right back to this interesting time.

With a bit of tightening, this will be an even better read, and when in book form, it would be a pleasure to hold right in my hands. :)

All the best, and I've already placed it on my shelf for a spin.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Burgio wrote 728 days ago

TANGLED DESTINY
This is a clever idea for a book. Christian is a likable guy (except his family owns slaves) so a reader would like to see him find Catherine again. If I had a suggestion it would be to make Catherine’s disappearance more dramatic; what if Christian was waiting at the end of a church aisle to marry her when she disappeared? Instead of just hearing that she disappeared? He catches a glimpse of white dress and veil and then she’s gone? You also might think about shortening the first chapters to bring Sara into the story sooner. Your audience is going to be young adult females so Sara is the character to whom they’re going to relate to best. Either way, this is a good story. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

A Knight wrote 730 days ago

This is a gorgeous effort, detailed, rich and vivid. It's utterly beautiful, and it's also a fantastic and engaging premise. I was hooked from the start, and I'm afraid I was so into reading that I forgot to put my thoughtful hat on and have no advice to give. You got me intrigued and engaged.

Backed with pleasure,
Abi xxx

WendyB wrote 731 days ago

What a very interesting premise! And very professionally written.
This appears to have all the elements of success. All the characters so far are well presented and exhibit some depth, and the magical element is intriguing.

One editing error: You have overlooked the comment "Find a better word for 'place', in the first chapter It needs editing out.

By the way, regarding the comment by a previous reader regarding your 'pitch'...don't worry about it. I liked it. He gives everyone exactly the same advice. Everyone.

Good luck.

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

soutexmex wrote 731 days ago

Welcome aboard, Patricia This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch kinda works. For the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one succinct question to pique your casual reader's interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Barry Wenlock wrote 731 days ago

Hi Patricia, I read chapter one and found it very intriguing and an enjoyable read. Linnet is depicted as almost a magical figure from the start, so I'm sure we can expect some more twists and turns in the next two chapters. Very original.
Backed with pleasure, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Melcom wrote 731 days ago

A unique story and a very intriguing one.
Characterisation is your strong point and you have a knack of making the reader care about the characters from the start.

Very nicely written and a pleasure to pop on my shelf.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

SusieGulick wrote 731 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Pat! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

SusieGulick wrote 732 days ago

Dear Pat, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "Tell Me True Love Stories." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my edited memoir version? "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy.

SusieGulick wrote 732 days ago

Dear Patrica, I love that you are telling history - what a tragedy - I thought my life was bad. Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

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