Illuminati (The Biological Basis of Christianity)

Well, I find Chapter 2 (which is really Chapter 1) to be more readable than the summary in Ch 1 (which, as I now understand, is really a summary of Chapters 1-31).

Apparently this work is a really long volume.

Chapter 1 of "Illuminati ..."

Really, if you intend to delve into each can of worms you just opened, we are going to be reading for a very long time. And I insist, I think you need to provide some credentials or else admit to a lack of them, which is fine, so long as I am not led to believe that you are an expert in areas in which you have no expertise.

Speaking of long times, here is a small nit for you to fix: Where you used the word "quiet" did you mean "Quite"? ("For quiet a number of years now...")

Your work fascinates. Please take a look at the lord of the dawn

shelved

Awk! In Ch 1 you seem to be establishing your credentials as a psychotherapist ... a member of the scientifc community, and then in the last paragraph you suddenly change gears and here we go with the "warning" that we are about t o enter into your subjective "inner experiences" and "moods." Some of what you say is rather obscure, or so it seems to me: "Members of the People population"? What is THAT supposed to mean? I am not sure it indicates a special group or did you merely mean, "people"? The grammar is somewhat strained in some places, so much so that it reads like a computer-translation into English from another language. Is it? Or, what are you trying to accomplish? I am trying to keep an open mind ...

Good luck to you.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

This seems to be a longer version of what you think your qualifications are. I still think you should have a snip more of this in your "about me."

I think you an interesting theme here, and it would appear that you have some credentials to back up your work.

A little polishing is in order. The first few sentences seem to have some formatting issues.

Also, some stylistic things you will want to address: Don't repeat the word "novel" in your first paragraph, just state it and let it be. This work is going to require a lot of "tightening" in order to make it ready for publication. Eliminate all unnecessary words. Economy of words. Rewrite, rewrite and rewrite ... I think you may have something insightful to say. Say it efficiently.

I will put it on my watchlist and hope to get a chance to come back at it later.

DC very interesting thought provoking read, and well worth the read. I found your pitch a little long, I was given valuable feedback to shorten the paras keeps the read more interesting, and with the way you have written this book, i would like to pay it forward. Your work is worth backing, so BACKED. Even if one does not agree with everything in a book that is not why we back, you have invested good work into this and BEST of luck

I would really appreciate you giving feedback on my book as no matter how many comments I receive and it seems like I get a lot, I can always do with more
SHELVED

Denise

D.C.,

The beginning is a bit confusing as it duplicates thoughts and sentences. The storyline reads more like psychotherapy notes with syntax and spelling errors. The language itself doesn't communicate well with me, but if you are going to talk about the most powerfull, intelligent, well organized, and monetarily well positioned group of maybe or maybe nots, there may be a place for the big words.

The highly unusual and intellectual approach you have chosen as your style will limit your fan club, but I would pay close attention to grammar and format to make sure your credibility doesn't suffer from little stuff that may crack the author's credibility veneer. The subject is interesting, the research is promising, the content is worthy of publication to a limited readership, but I think some editing and polishing would make it more palatable to plain ole ordinary readers such as myself.

You bit off a great big bite with your title, but the pitch carried it.

It is worthy of backing, but I would ask that you pay close attention to the reviewers' remarks.

PawPaw Mike LaRiviere
Eden's Door

Love the name and the premise of this book. Your title and plug are very fluid, and I believe you have a potential best-seller on your hands!

Rob

ILLUMINATI
This book is an interesting look at why people behave and think the way they do. To read it, you need to clear an afternoon of distractions because it’s the kind of book you can become sunk into so deeply you won’t hear the doorbell ring. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I need to take another look at this. Evangalistical. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Welcome aboard, D.C. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch actually works. Though this is non-fiction, use one ending question. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Mmm...your wordage is heavy going, but I will come back and finish the four chapters you've put up. It touches my thinking in many respects and stimulates my need to understand. It could give credence to my beliefs, reflected in my work on Authonomy, 2150 Total Integration. Independant of that, it can only improve what I already know as a layman.

This is an unusual work to be posted here and I'm not sure how it will proceed, but I wish you luck with it.

Mike.

Dear D.C., I love that you shared all of your information - I still go back to Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, God created the heavens & the earth" & John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son that whosoerver believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Wonderfully done, good luck. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I know that my mother would enjoy this very much. Backed

Best Wishes
NJ Capaldi
Crescent Heart

Hi D.C.
In your short intro you wrote " Delves too into suppressed facts of human race.", this is very bad grammer.
This sounds better, "It also delves into suppressed facts of the human race."
I hope this is of use, regards Pride.