Dragon's Of Avery Isle

Hi Christina!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

I love the plot for your book! It was hard for me to get into. Maybe you could length out the book some. Maybe describe how the house was built and get into some detail about how the dragons were being trained. Other than that I believe this novel has great potential!

Hello, I am writing to you as someone who has been kind enough to support the Firelord’s Crown in the recent past. Now I need your help once more. I have been on site for nearly 2 years and worked my way up through reading and commenting on books. I have always been uncomfortable with ‘spamming’ and tit-for-tat backings but I do feel able to ask if you could please support Firelord by shelving it for a while over the next month. Under the new system I cannot offer you anything but an immediate * star rating and the promise of whatever support you feel you need; a second reading or comment etc. if you do not feel able to put Firelord back on your shelf, please could you still *rate it for me?
Many, many thanks!
Regards,
Jim Darcy
The Firelord’s Crown

Backed with pleasure, All the best, Sana

Hello
Care to swap reads and backs?

Regards,
River

The Secret Snow

Althea’s Magical Journeys- Tale of the Metallic Dragons

Christina Sauca

Backed some time ago and had this on my WL since - had a bit of time of recent to read more. Interesting plot and Althea should be a good role model for young girls who are part of your target audience - her devotion to family is a grest theme for young people. Inspirational really. Best of luck.

Hi Christina

I like the Scottish island setting and the idea of dragons as equal partners with mankind. Your prose is clear and straightforward and serves the story well. I'm not sure what the period is but words like "wow" and "mom" in the dialogue don't seem particularly Scottish? It's a good idea well-executed nevertheless. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

This has a mythic quality that sits well with the Scottish setting. I like the descriptions of the different types of dragon, 'whiskers around their mouths like a catfish. They always smelt of saffron and incense'. Then there are lighthearted moments such as the quality of the grapes being due to dragon manure, and, 'the most ample bosom Connell Avery had ever seen'. So Davina comes to the island, and eventually has a daughter, Althea.

Their time of happiness ends with the arrival of a black dragon. What an action scene as all the dragons join the fight, but Davina is lost and Althea swears revenge. So she learns fighting and smithing, but I wonder where she will find a dragon capable of fighting the black one. I bet you had so much fun thinking this up and writing it, Christina. It needs a bit of tweaking (some suggestions below) but it's a fantasy that will enchant younger readers in particular, especially with its zoology of dragons … backed.

Possible nits: 'the first Avery's [Averys]'. 'noticed in the valley some stones' the narrator is saying they are stones but should be saying something like 'noticed in the valley some boulder-like objects'. 'as they do [did] lots of talking and breathe[d] fire'. 'They love[d] the high mountains … They are [were]', watch out for these slight slips from past tense to present. 'abound[ed] with valleys'. 'deviously [devilishly?] handsome'. 'practiced sparing [sparring]'. Punctuation needs a bit of a tidy-up, and there are quite a few instances of 'very'.

Dear Christina
It was your pitch that grabbed me and though I have not read it all even still ...I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK

Backed with pleasure

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

You are totally fantastic, Christina! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing me 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Very enjoyable read. well written.
Backed with pleasure

Scorselo- the Communicator

I like the openning as it sets the beginning framework for the balance of your story nicely. Dragon manure is really a nice touch. It made me smile. Your story is character rich and you do an excellent job in buiding Althea. You have crafted a most exciting and interesting story and that coupled with your imaginative writing ensures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

My daughter would just eat this up. Thanks for putting it out there. "This makes Althea want...to avenge her father..." I love the strong female protagonist for young readers. Good luck.

Great story.No better way to start a fantasy novel than with a battle. You've described a wonderful magical world, and set the stage for revenge against the black dragon.

You've got a few typos, and you story could flow a bit better, but I'm enjoying it! Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Great story.No better way to start a fantasy novel than with a battle. You've described a wonderful magical world, and set the stage for revenge against the black dragon.

You've got a few typos, and you stroy could flow a bit better, but I'm enjoying it! Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Very enjoyable and backed with pleasure.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me

Hi, Christina,
The story line is wonderful.
I back it.
You can read mine, Zanga's Dreamworld, and decide for yourself.

Highly enjoyable stuff...liked it very much!
Backed with pleasure.
Frank.
You may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

This is wonderful - it's an engaging twist on that old dragon premise, and the character-centric focus helps it to stand out from the crowd. Your writing is brilliantly descriptive, and perfect for the intended audience. Brilliant stuff, and backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Just edited and updated my book. thank you for all the comments it helped tremendously..

I had already backed the book Christina I just wanted to say read some more . good

Well you have certainly captured the magic in this!
Love how you set the descriptive narrative grounds this so well in time and place.
And then you add a great character like Althea and it creates a fantastic world. The only thing that would enhance this for me would to use more descriptive words instead of said or says, things like murmured, called, whispered. That apart you have a great book that I’m sure will do well. – Good luck!

Althea is a quintessential young adult character with all the passion, strength, and goodness of character that one would want to find in a novel for teens. Very well done! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Hi Christina, A folklore quality and Althea is an inviting character to follow. The dragon siege is very catching. The switch to the present tense made everything immediate although it was a bit jolting. What was dramatically jolting was the black dragon’s antipathy towards Althea’s family! A nice setting and good initial conflict, appealing for the age, I would think. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Christina. Everyone loves a dragon story and yours is really engaging. You have a great imagination. The death of Davina was well voiced and Althea's torment came across well. I liked the little touch of the dragon's fertilizer producing the best grapes. Maybe you could describe the smell? Reseda is clearly going to play a big part in your story and her nature is lovely. It needs some little bits of editing and Check out your font in chapter one: Davina, comes up very small in places. Backed and best of luck with this! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

Good vs Evil - Revenge, all told with a skilled voice. Not my usual genre, but not being a genre snob, I read everything. Truly a good piece of writing told with a great creative imagination. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and if you like it, please back it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

I love this, it's got such a magical, fairy tale feel to the writing. I was instantly involved and knew I'd want to follow this until the end. The characters are strong and the premise is just awesome. I think you've done a great job here, this will be popular with kids and adults. I will leave the critiques to those more qualified, I like to just read!

Missy

Beautifully written tale of light and darkness. There is a musical quality to your writing. It starts out pastoral, sweet and happy and then the storm hits in the form of a dark force on a dragon.

Shelved.

I was born the Year of the Dragon so I'm partial to those creatures.

Patricia

This is excellent and my second Scottish book today!

This could be a great YA book. But I do feel there could be editing on the pitch and the prose. First of all, some of the pitch doesn't quite make sense - 'main character young Althea age six loses her mother'. It doesn't read right. This might sound harsh but we are all here to improve and I want you have the best shot at making your publishing dream come true. Also, in your first chapter you start six consecutive paragraphs with the name 'Davina'. Surely, there are other ways you can write this. Again, I stress that this could be a great book. I think your general premise is excellent and I would love to see this on page and as a movie.
Backed for potential
Carl
The Time hunters

Hi Christina,

Delightful. At last, something different and original in the YA market. A serious edit is required.

does black dragon need a capital letter in you long pitch -- Dark Rider and black dragon...return and devastated (change of tense) the (I) island...

BACKED!

Best wishes,

Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Wow how do you wonderful minds come up with these fantastic stories. GREAT. has everything for me, good plot easy read, colourful character, adventure flows of the pages. BACKED by me yes sir. It would be much appreciated if you would read some of my book and comment on and thank you

Denise
'The Letter'

Thank you all for your feedback, I've noted and made changes, thank you, it's hard to notice some of these things when you look at them over and over, it's so helpfull to have another eye.. Thanks again. Will be reposting the revised chapters...Keep the feedback coming it's helping a lot..

it was coenell who would win her heart
(missing who in the sentence)
Davina is written small???? or appears small

Great read and apart from the few errors(who doesn't have them?) this is very pleasing and well written. Great excitement for YAS
Backed
The Lord of the Dawn

ALTHEA’S MAGICAL JOURNEY
This is a good fantasy story. I like the way you set it in Scotland rather than a made-up world; makes it feel so much more real than others. You have a good character in Althea; she’s likable sympathetic because her mother was killed in such a strange way. Makes a reader want to follow her and see if she can settle the score. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I am sorry but I was bogged down by Davina, Davina all of the time. Perhaps you could substitute her name for other references? Your book didn't really grab me - I am so sorry - I wasn't compelled to keep reading - I think it is just too wordy. You definitely have a good idea and dragons always appeal, so I am sure that with some more work, it would make for an easier read. If you edit it again - let me know & I will review it once more. Best wishes - Paula (Cuthbert: How mean is my Valley?)

Thank you all for the comments, I've edited and will be reposting....I greatly appreciate all the feedback.. Thanks again..It's amazing how fast the response it, very cool.

There are some changes of tense in the pitch and some missing indefinite articles which create a slap-dash impression.
This is a pity because your book is full of original imagination, with dragons that are always popular, and situations and characters that should appeal greatly to YA. Please do an edit. Your book deserves it. Backed. Lynn

You have a good premise here but it needs a lot of editing I'm afraid.

In your long pitch you have the story takes place in post MID EVIL times, is that right or do you mean medieval?
gererations is spelt wrong on the first line.

couple is missing the p.

There are a lot of punctuation mistakes, I suggest a thorough read through, read it aloud this tends to make things jump out better.

Shelved for the potential I can see in your work.
Melxx

Really well done, I wish you the best of luck with it. E.Loroaine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Dear Christina, I love your heroine's journey to save her father & I love happy endings. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Welcome aboard, Christina. I'll be your first comment. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch actually works because this is a children's book but only if you drop that second sentence, unnless vineyards have something to do with dragons. For the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster, then end it with one succinct question to pique your casual reader's interest. Also drop off that last sentence. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key