Eternal Memory

Inviting, then enthralling and mysterious. I can feel the energy from your writing and I love it.

-Heron

I am reading Bentle Littles book "The Walking" and really do wonder if witches exist. Any way back to your book and from what I had time to read it sounds good. Well written and easy to read for most ages. Back with pleasure Beth Anne

Intriguing first chapter. You hook the reader in right away. Looking forward to continuing the read. Interesting characters and premise.

You write well, although there are a few things you could do to improve the quality of your story. You use the word 'that' quite a lot. It's a word not used as much now days. Perhaps you could tighten your manuscript more by omitting any unnecessary words and phrases that slow the pace - words like: that, had, and, really, very, little, then, and then, just, about, against, so, all, but, like, and was/were (these are the general rule). Keep wording strong not passive e.g. 'what was happening' should be 'what happened' (makes it sharper).

Also, be careful of repetative word/phrase usage in close proximitey. I noticed you mentioned a few times through the chapter that the assailant was 'invisible'.

Hope these suggestions are useful.

Great job! BACKED.

A.A. -

Eternal Memory - Chaos was delicious to him ... her eyes ... Green like a highland meadow or a piece of lustrous seaglass ... I loved the chase , and the writing sings. Very enjoyable.

Backed recently and on my shelf again. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Hi,

Two little words...Loved it.
Backed with pleasure.

Good luck,
Cerys (Gabriel)

You are like so totally fantastic, A.A.! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear A.A., I love your exciting intriguing story - oh, to have as much power as your heroine - that would be wonderful. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

It's rare to find such a wonderfully rich addition to the genre. It's unique and distinct in a field riddled with similar themes, gripping and intense right from the start. With a polish as others suggest, this could be taken even higher.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Good evening A.A. I enjoyed you story very much. It is an intriguing read. I believe you over use words like, just, almost, and the like. Most times these words can be omitted without changing what the reader feels. Good luck.
Nick
Invasion From Within

Nice prologue - makes the reader keen to know more. Delving into your prose i found it some of the most accessible fantasy writing on the site. I truly admire the effortlessness of your writing. I'm sure you have worked very hard to make it accessible for the reader but it does show a natural talent. Evangeline is a great character and you write effective dialogue too. Wrap this around a most intriguing story and you're onto a winner.
happy to back
Carl
The Time Hunters

A nice piece of writing fast moving and flowing ito well structured imagery. You bring relief and tension in equal measures. I dont normally read this genre I find it hard to visualise but not in your case you have created a dark and interesting read. If I had the book in my hand I would be tempted to read on.

Sue mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Nicely structured with simple sentences that flows very well. The image of a dark being is some what tarnished by mere fact that you call it a dark being. I personally think that a short description of the dark being would be more mysterious. I think that's what your after.

I truly enjoyed this, flows very easily. I'm wondering who the man in the cloak is? On the surface he seems scary, but I have a feeling he might end up being her ally.

Well done and happily backed
Denise

Would you mind taking a look at my book, "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon"?

Eternal Memory
There is some mystic power in the writing style. Apt for the story. That even an evil being with unnatural powers
has its own limitations is noteworthy. 'He' had to follow her all the seven floors only to miss her! Whether the invisible man will prove to be invincible, despite the stone of protection, a reader may have to wait with bated breath to learn! Backed. Shelved.
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

AA I love this work, truly a well crafted book which speaks in my head clearly its story line. Easy read and characters that play their vivid colors in my head. BACKED for sure by me Your cover I cannot see too well on this site, your pitch is perfect. CONGRATS
I would love you to read some of my book and comment and PLEASE BACK it if you will. Thank you
Denise

This story shows immense promise. If you don't mind, I would like to suggest some improvements that would help it even more. First, I want to tell you that I find the idea intriguing and creative, it's what led me to read on to the pages. However, I want to say that while you have detail of the characters and surroundings, I believe that most of what you have written is obvious and could be better written without telling the reader. I would like to read more into Evangeline's deeper thoughts, too. Otherwise, it is an interesting story.

Hi A. A., An ensnaring beginning with the enemy, I’d assume from the synopsis, invisibly stalking his target. The writing is involving, scanning the scenario from the invisible creature’s POV. Evangeline must need her powers to contend with this at her workplace! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Oh this is brilliantly pieced together. From the first sentence of the prologue, the reader is trapped. The enemy is fascinating, the slightly gullible but still very observant Eva is equally interesting.
This reads with the ease of a YA novel and the energy of a thriller.

It will go far.
Backed with pleasure.
Aly Carey (Redeemed)

A.A., fantasy at its best. You have constructed an incredible original story. Your ability to slowly pull back the curtains, and build tensions-- that explodes on the page—is mesmerizing. Your arc is pitch perfect and characters well developed. Loved the read
Best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

This is wonderfully written! The suspense in chapter one is intense. The purchase of the antique items entices the reader to continue, wondering, wondering. Backed with pleasure. Jedward (Knut)

Hi AA
You build up the tension wonderfully in the first chapter and I read on to make sure you were able to maintain it in later chapters - and you did. This is adictive and entertaining at the same time. The cover is quite creepy too which keeps the theme. I would change your long pitch though- you just repeat the short pitch which is a waste of precious words! Imagine you are sending your book out to agents or publishers and use the 200 words to sell it.
Best of luck
DP Walker
Five Dares

I've only read the first chapter ,but it's very well written and draws you in. You are a very descriptive writer and I definetely want to read more. Backed with pleasure.
Jennie

great narrative and descriptions for this story...well worth backing...
read SEASONS..

Consider revising your pitch. Repeating the same information in the short and long pitches is counter productive. Begin the long pitch with your second sentence and make it more immediate.

A shadowy figures stalks Evangeline Westvale on the street and her life takes an abrupt departure from normality. She must find the answers to the mysteries surrounding her before her enemies find her. They know what she is and they seek more than her life. As Eva struggles to separate illusion from reality, she discovers that some magic spells cannot be broken, some loves last more than a lifetime, and some evils cannot be conquered -- not even by Death.

Keep the pitch sharp, clean and to the point. Good luck with your work.

JMC

Good action, nice use of language. Backed
Rosalind
Good for Him

WOW!! What an intriguing read!
I felt a chill run down my spine when reading your first chapter and I was instantly hooked.
Can't wait to read more...

All the best. Backed with confidence.

Roxy

Fascinating first chapter! Thanks for the read and good luck!

Talented writing, intriguing opening chapter and excellent cover artwork. Easily backed!

John WIckey
Future's End

Very good writing. A person picking this up in a bookstore and reading through it quickly would certainly want to know what happens and would want to read more from a talented author. Good luck with this and please take a look at The President's Wife is on Prozac by Jayne Lind.

a brilliant, effective, prologue, suggests a good book. i wish you well with this...on watchlist...
reas SEASONS...

Hi,

Really enjoyed what I`ve read so far. Eva is a really interesting character and I look forward to reading more of her story. Great use of description and your dialogue is smooth and well done. Really imaginative story which is full of mystery and suspense. Backed with pleasure.

Good luck,
Cerys (Gabriel)

Hello A.A. What a gripping prologue. I found myself willing the lift doors to close. You really built the tension well. I think Eva is a really good MC. The stone and necklace are intriguing and immediately set the feel for mystery. I think you write very well and your story flows. Backed and best of luck! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

This engaged me immediately. Superb pitch which really sells the story witout spoiling it. This is intense with a great enemy, one that wil never give up and can take its time to kill you. The imagery is strong with sharp writing. Brilliant.

A.A., Superb intro. Had me glued to my seat as I voraciously read this. Wow. too bad you only have six chapters uploaded, I would have enjoyed reading the whole thing.

Paul ( www.pauldaytonscifi.com )

We've Seen the Enemy

...cascading in loose curls...
...if the demon is invisible and insensible to touch, why can't he just insinuate himself into the elevator?
The invisible man concept is not new and it takes a bold writer to take this on and give it a fresh if invisible face...a good start and I wish it well
Stewart

First I have only managed time for the first chapter. You have immensely descriptive start and to me that grounded the book. Very much like how the storyline is developing this is well worth coming back to for a later look – Good luck!

Your pitch is really quite good, leaving the reader wondering if you'll provide a ghost story, perhaps a vampire tale, or maybe time travel. Nice mystery pitch! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

I like the feel to the story... the reader is drawn in as they want to understand how she escaped the dark force. I also like the idea that he is not only killing her, but destroying her soul; a fate worse than death. Really keeps you searching for answers. Love it!
Kirsty
Prygon: The Cirlce of Dark magic

Great start. Hope you share more. Let me know when you do.

Love the opening. I especially love how she looks straight at him, being the only one to probably ever see him. It's great, truly is. It is a pleasure to back this, and I can't wait to see where you take this story!

Marissa
By Flame's Light

Nice pitch, and your writing doesnt let it down. Nice idea, well detailed, strong characters, good pace and a worthwhile read. Backed - Clair

Your book is well written and descriptive. A book can fail if the first chapter doesn't draw the reader in, this is not the case with yours, it is excellent and I wish you well in getting published.
I back your book on your talent as a writer. SHELVED.

regards,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest) Would be very pleased if you would take a look.

Beautifully, beautifull written!

Loved it, backed with pleasure, good luck. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

A.A.,

This is very good. Well written, good pacing, interesting and realistic dialogue. I'm happy to back this.

A few thoughts:

The first chapter moves well because it is well written, but don't be satisfied with what you have. It can be better. Particularly at the end when the creature is thwarted, clean that up a bit. It skims past the action very quickly and gets a little confusing. Also, while the action is engaging, it feels a bit like a bad monster movie where you have six different angles of the monster approaching and readying for an attack that take 30 seconds to transpire when he's only a few feet away. You know what I mean? It's like it takes a long time for not much to happen (he's frantically chasing her and never seems to get any closer -- if anything, she gets farther and farther away . . .)

Also, be careful with the pronouns and the perspective in the first scene; its' not bad the way it is but I think if you continue to re-work it you can tighten it up further.

Good luck with this. If you have time, please check out Dreamland and give me some criticism; our styles are similar so I think you'll find it interesting.

Cheers!

Dustin (Dreamland)

What you have posted so far is well written and especially in the first chapter your work has an almost frantic pace to it that I like. Your use of imagery is excellent and your highly descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted fantasy a pleasure to read, Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Backed with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi A.A. This was most entertaining. That's what I look for, in a book like this and that's what I found. The plot is intriguing and I liked the voice. Good luck.
Backed.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Hi,
I like this, I like it a lot. It is just my kind of book and I could more than happily sit down and not stop reading until I'd finished it. You creat an intriguing atmosphere and the story is very interesting - Backed with pleasure.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

A.A Magic, love , good, evil and two worlds. All the makings of a great story. The voice and inner dialogue of your MC Eva draws us in immediately, as you craftly let us see that doom is lurking in the background of what at first glance appears to be a wonderful romantic story.

Your pace is great and your descriptive writing steals the show. I look foward to see where this goes, only sorry you haven't uploaded more Backed happily Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart