Olives and Earthquakes - My Italian adventure

Hello, again!
I solved the problem, in case anyone is interested, the arrows on the keyboard work.
I'm sorry and hello to all!

Good night, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to read the book, but I can not move the pages down, you too have this problem?
Hello everyone!

Hi there. Firstly I love your title and your pitch. Being of Italian descent and having been to Abruzzo I crave for more! I totally relate to the funny happenings like having to communicate with hands and the friendly Italian strays. Watchlisted for now with 6 stars until I come back for more.
Adina Akkaya
Confessions of a Dervish

I'm continuing to enjoy your story Duncan, partly as you are living the fantasy I have in my head! But also because you write well. Thanks also for your continued support of 'Master Act'.
David

Hi Duncan, I've just read your first chapter and I like your easy-going, honest style. Will read more soon, am feeling rather tired and feeble now, have just had a tooth extracted at the dentist!
David

.Hello It was funny I was just looking again at Olives and Earthquakes, I have not done anything with it for ages too busy trying to make a living. The chapters are old and I was in the process of changing the ones to some degree I have re worked, I tak eyour comments on board and thank you for your time in reading my efforts, The whole process started as a record or a blog of my adventure and how I felt at the time I am not sure where to go with Olives and Earthquakes I have always worked with my hands and to have somebody take the time to read my work is pleasing in itself to me thanks again for your time
Duncan .

I read the opening chapters. This is a very competitive genre and so many people have told their version of their move to the dream home abroad - including me :) - so you have to bring something unique to your story.

I liked some of the questions you raise - why does haybaling in Italy seem romantic while haybaling in Sussez was a tough summer job, why the difference in attitude to e.g. dogs barking - and (for later in the book I hope) does the charm last? It's tough trying to give a view of your own character and backstory but you come over as likeable company - important in an autobiography.

I think this needs a lot more work. My main suggestions are these :-

1) Add detail. Your descriptions are very general and could be any place in France/Italy/Spain. e.g. 'a wonderful panorama of high mountains, gentle slopes and small towns in the valleys'. Really really look at that view and make me see it. How's about 'The Pic de Viscos catches a cloud on its summit, king of the mountains that march north-south, contemptuous of the huddled towns in the valleys.' You might not like that but you get the idea; use names, geographical detail, images so it can only be that one place and the reader is there with you.

2) Don't tell the reader what you are going to do - do it. e.g. 'To explain the next few chapters of my story I need to I need to fill in some background.' This is boring. Cut every bit like this.

3) Don't tell me how you feel - make me feel it. e.g. 'The little flies are irritating but this place has captivated me.' This is very flat writing and there are two different emotions here, neither of which do I feel when I read this sentence.
So how's about referring to the flies every now and then, in the present tense, like this 'There's another zzz above my right eyebrow but by the time I've smacked myself in the eye the zzzzzzzzz has moved to my ear.'

and I will feel captivated if you do all the things in 1) so then you can cut nearly every 'emotion' word - 'love/hate/irritation/anger/peace' because you have made me feel these emotions in how you write. Allow yourself 'emotion' words very very sparingly.

Just read your comment below that you're an electrician - if you've commented further in the book on Italian electrics/electricians/workmen and made comparisons then that's a great angle for the book and you should put that in your pitch! 'Electrician Duncan moves to his dream house in Italy and finds it's more difficult than switching from three pins to two.' I also hope you're as critical of the food as you are below - honest description that belies the stereotype is great fun to read and creates a personal voice.

Jean Gill
Song at Dawn

Duncan, as a season traveller myself I can relate too a lot of this. You certainly have a story-telling gift and your easy style is a pleasure to read. There must be a market for this kind of thing somewhere. Keep at it. Backed and starred, regards, Mark

Some great lines in this excerpt that I read. Well deserving of a move up the chart
Granny

great title and an intriguing s tory. This felt like a good comfortable read.
Darvain

Love the line " to find a place that felt like home." I love stories about Italy...a book all can enjoy...I hope your book does very well...great writing. All the best Julia x

I enjoyed reading another person's take on an area I know quite well, and I guess that your opinion on the Italian mindset will adjust in later chapters, although you pick up on a number of impressions which we had at first, some of which remained, some changing drastically as our experience widened along with our greater language skills. With family speaking Italian we had a deeper reach which revealed a very complex society of very complex individuals nothing like what was seen on the surface.

You do catch the 'feel' of Abruzzo rural life, but I think you could do more by adding details - for instance you talk about bugs but don't identify them. I suspect your pharmacist would have needed to know that before prescribing medication. You set about clearing the grasses round the house but make no mention of the myriad of flowers which flood the spring meadows and verges there, far less name them. No named birds. (The bubbling of the oriole particularly fascinated me.) You do not even mention the Appenines, of which the Gran Sasso is the highest peak, and you have scarcely mentioned the little markets where all the fresh, fresh food is sold - the primary ingredient which makes Italian food the best in the world. I would also challenge your impression that pasta and pizza are all there is to the local cuisine. - I wonder if Wendy has discovered yet that to get the very best service in the marketplace, especially from the men of all ages, she should wear earrings, or a snazzy hat? La bella figura is everything.

This could be a very entertaining book but it is not there yet. You need to run it through the spell-check and, here and there, the grammar check. But if you have not yet completed it, that is what to concentrate on while the spirit is still on fire. Then, as ever, the work begins in order to turn it from a spirited diary into a fine and saleable product. Decisions will have to be made. One is whether to use the local spelling of geographical places or not, which is now preferred as to use English adaptations can be seen as arrogant in a colonial sense - and you do have to be consistent.

I would also suggest you read your rivals among writers on central Italy. And do read up on the background on the Abruzzi. It is fascinating, especially the mediaeval stuff, and do visit the National Park there. You will find masses bo useful background material.

Best wishes, Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn

Hello I must thank you for your time in reading my book, and the comments , It is finished, and it has beeen spell checked etc I never could spell and form an age when school would have picked up that i had some ixia but I wasn't. so it was always bottom set for me in english.
You are so right in changing opinions we have been here now ful l time for ten months with our improvment in language We have made some very good Italian friends and been taken into there families, but we have also encountered the more corrupt side of Italina officialdom.
My book started out as a personal account of how I felt during our adventure, which is what I wanted to do maybe I should start a book two about what I feel about Italian life a year on. I also didn't want to write a travel guide this was a concious decision, as there are plenty of these, proberbly the reason for the lack of information on the grand sasso, birds etc Again I wanted to describe more on a personal level how I felt, on the day who I met.
I never set out to write a book it was my partner to kept me going and now thinks it is worth sharing, now it is finished I am so pleased that I have, the book ranks to me as amongst my top achivements. I am an electrician not a writer so for you to take the time to read my work is everything, thank you again.
Oh yes the point I do disagree with is the food, why do you think it is the best in the world? fine if you want bland and tastless in a tomatoe sauce then big lumps of boney meat on your plate limited choice, give me a curry anyday

I enjoyed reading another person's take on an area I know quite well, and I guess that your opinion on the Italian mindset will adjust in later chapters, although you pick up on a number of impressions which we had at first, some of which remained, some changing drastically as our experience widened along with our greater language skills. With family speaking Italian we had a deeper reach which revealed a very complex society of very complex individuals nothing like what was seen on the surface.

You do catch the 'feel' of Abruzzo rural life, but I think you could do more by adding details - for instance you talk about bugs but don't identify them. I suspect your pharmacist would have needed to know that before prescribing medication. You set about clearing the grasses round the house but make no mention of the myriad of flowers which flood the spring meadows and verges there, far less name them. No named birds. (The bubbling of the oriole particularly fascinated me.) You do not even mention the Appenines, of which the Gran Sasso is the highest peak, and you have scarcely mentioned the little markets where all the fresh, fresh food is sold - the primary ingredient which makes Italian food the best in the world. I would also challenge your impression that pasta and pizza are all there is to the local cuisine. - I wonder if Wendy has discovered yet that to get the very best service in the marketplace, especially from the men of all ages, she should wear earrings, or a snazzy hat? La bella figura is everything.

This could be a very entertaining book but it is not there yet. You need to run it through the spell-check and, here and there, the grammar check. But if you have not yet completed it, that is what to concentrate on while the spirit is still on fire. Then, as ever, the work begins in order to turn it from a spirited diary into a fine and saleable product. Decisions will have to be made. One is whether to use the local spelling of geographical places or not, which is now preferred as to use English adaptations can be seen as arrogant in a colonial sense - and you do have to be consistent.

I would also suggest you read your rivals among writers on central Italy. And do read up on the background on the Abruzzi. It is fascinating, especially the mediaeval stuff, and do visit the National Park there. You will find masses bo useful background material.

Best wishes, Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn

Beautifully written. Has a Laurie Lee feel. I like it. Only read chpt1. Will try and come back and read more. Happily backed. Glad you liked my old nonsense. All the best from Irene.

I read and backed this before but came back for another look as it's similar to my own book. It's a good story and easy to read though you do need to go through and edit it. Found a few spelling mistakes- Carabinieri, Stansted and Lugano all jumped out at me. I look forward to reading more.

Duncan,
Your written work is valuable. We all want to experience this story, and your comfortable prose takes us on a nice ride. I like the simile about your knowledge of opera and of the moon. Nice job. I can happily star this generously and place it on my WL.
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Dear Duncan, To reflect on the roads that I have taken personally, I found myself fascinated by your very passionately written book. A blend of torment and hope has made this an interesting descriptive on how life deals us the decisions we are faced with, as if its a test. But you've showed how something that could be construed as negative, can be nurtured into something that's full of promise, professionally presented, and most of all... You elucidatory experiences are written with an understandable approach to literary undertones, which helps the reader connect with your story. So sorry for your past experiences, but I think that fate will find a better home for you and your frustrated brilliance. backed and six starred no problem. So good luc with your book Duncan. Take care, Cicuta. [ Carl, Arcane ].

Hello hanks for you comments, they are most welcome I have moved out to Italy fulltime now since August and have only justs got online 4months for Italia telecom is not bad to install a phone line so I hae lost contact with this site Thanks again
duncan

Dear Duncan, To reflect on the roads that I have taken personally, I found myself fascinated by your very passionately written book. A blend of torment and hope has made this an interesting descriptive on how life deals us the decisions we are faced with, as if its a test. But you've showed how something that could be construed as negative, can be nurtured into something that's full of promise, professionally presented, and most of all... You elucidatory experiences are written with an understandable approach to literary undertones, which helps the reader connect with your story. So sorry for your past experiences, but I think that fate will find a better home for you and your frustrated brilliance. backed and six starred no problem. So good luc with your book Duncan. Take care, Cicuta. [ Carl, Arcane ].

Olives and Earthquakes - An Adventure in Italy

Ordinary, guy, Duncan? Who fulfills his Italiano dreams? Viva! Bravo! And last but certainly not least, mangia.

Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School
(more Italian than the title suggests)

I just travelled to Italy and came back. I saw the mountains, the farmhouses, the farmer, the gentle slopes, hills, the olives trees and vellay. Your portrarying of the scenes is very good. You can take your reader with you to feel what you feel and see what you see, very important. Not bad a all. Backed

Shah

I like your conversational yet aware tone. By that I mean that I feel like I am having a conversation with you while I read this, but it's a conversation to which you've given a lot of contemplation. Your descriptions of Italy definitely bring a sense of place and I found myself drawn into the story from the onset. Good job.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Hi Duncan,
You have a great story here which I was drawn to immediately. There are a lot of us out there who like a bit of vicarious travel and adventure! What really stood out as I read were bits like your car crash on arrival and of course the earthquake. You could perhaps make more of these moments of drama, especially for anyone like me who failed to quite make the connection between earthquakes in the title, Abruzzo and your house there. Maybe you could highlight the fact that your house is damaged earlier in the book and in your pitch as this is a unique angle which makes your book different from others about Italy. Just a thought.
Best wishes,
Lucy

Hi Duncan,
You have a great story here which I was drawn to immediately. There are a lot of us out there who like a bit of vicarious travel and adventure! What really stood out as I read were bits like your car crash on arrival and of course the earthquake. You could perhaps make more of these moments of drama, especially for anyone like me who failed to quite make the connection between earthquakes in the title, Abruzzo and your house there. Maybe you could highlight the fact that your house is damaged earlier in the book and in your pitch as this is a unique angle which makes your book different from others about Italy. Just a thought.
Best wishes,
Lucy

hullo Duncan. What a great story! Would love to see somewhere like Italy but here I stay. Home restoration is a hobby of mine so I can see where you are coming from. Good luck with your travels and your new home. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Olives and Earthquakes - An adventure in Italy
Duncan

You're good inspiration Duncan. Challenging oneself and transforming his life to achieve one's dream is a beautiful message. This is well written and interesting. It's a difficult thing to do - to make life changing decisions. Most of us don't have the guts. And you have my complete admiration. YOu make Italy seem like heaven with those free open air concerts and any excuse for a celebration. Enjoyed this immensely so far and was happy to back it.

This is a wonderful story. Great writing talent

backed

Where have you been all my life? No but seriously just started reading and can relate to it all- there is no better place for me than Italy. Got to read more!

Hi Jilli
thank you very much for your kind words. It really encourages me to try and get this published!! There will always be a welcome for anyone who wants to visit us in Italy ( when the house is finished!!)

Where have you been all my life? No but seriously just started reading and can relate to it all- there is no better place for me than Italy. Got to read more!

I think with the change in values, the developing speed and way of life in some countries, you have found something that most people dream of. Yet because of limiting beliefs most will always find an excuse not to do and I suspect a few of those will envy this. I think what you have written is brilliant you capture this with humility and humour and I take my hat off to you. – This is a great story!

Hi Duncan, The atmosphere is felt in your writing mood. There’s an appreciation of life and the past experiences are fodder for the exploration of Italy and living there. My only thought it that with an incident like the fender bender, dialogue might have enhanced it. This is very pleasant to read and feels already like a visit to Italy. Love the title! Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I enjoy reading thses kind of books which allow you to gently engage with the lives of other people. Just the thing for a summer's day whilst sitting out in the deckchair. Thanks for sharing this.
Only thing I would say is that some of your sentences are quite long. If you read them aloud you will see what i mean. Just go through and listen then decide where to pop in a few more full stops. Just IMO. :)
regards, Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown


warm/warmth in your long pitch?

"The joy of working together has been soiled." So what do we do now? Italy beckons. Funiculi, funicula . . . Backed. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

This is something I have wanted to do but alas, I am now too old! Anyhow, I suppose I can dream about it with the help of your book and think about times when I could have done it. I am backing this story as it could have been me, perhaps not Italy but say France.
I like the writing and I am with you all the way. Take a look at my book, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story which is in need of some help at present. JohnJ

Hi Duncan
These kind of books are quite popular and although there will always been an audience, it is still important that there is a strong storyline and a focus to the plot. You've given us a little in your long pitch but you could probably give us a little more (?). However you describe the Italian countryside as well as your thoughts, feelings and emotions beautifully and you deserve to do well here.
DP Walker
Five Dares

I recently read something similar to this (except it was based in Spain). I really enjoyed both and it's very interesting to read a first hand account of the cultures and way of life in what seems a lovely place to live. This is written well and I hope it is published into something a lot of people will enjoy. I can see this amongst the guides on travel as well as simply a good book to read.

Backed,
Aimee
His Pride, Her Prejudice

From one non-fiction artist to another! Congratulations on introducing this book to the community. Happy to back it and looking forward to continuing the read. I have a special place in my heart for all things Italian.
Best,
CHristopher
Crossing The Line

Hi Duncan,
I read your work, whilst eating a large pizza (spinache e funghi with extra olives) and a bottle of cheap Red. Your story was better than either by far.
Backed with indigestion,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

thank you so much. I really cant believe this. My ambition was to renovate a house, not write a book. My freinds and family talked me into putting the book on this website. I am completely blown away from all the nice comments I have had!!
thanks again

My partner is a huge Peter Mayle fan and she would buy this in a heartbeat. Infact, she want a read just like this for our summer hols so get it published quickly. We also went to live for a year in teh SW of France so I fully understand that travelling spirit for romantic pastures new. I loved your prose but i was sold on 'living the Italian dream' anyway.
Backed with envy
Carl
The Time Hunters

I've also had the same dream, to renovate an old home. In the spirit of Under the Tuscan Sun, you've captured my imagination with this...and my envy! I hope you upload more soon, you've got a talent for writing and I'm enjoying reading about your adventures and observations.

Missy

Backed with pleasure! You a real talent for writing even if you didn't realize a book was brewing in you all along. What a wonderful journey you have shared with us and my only complaint is I WANT MORE!

Liz
The Cheech Room

thank you so much. I really cant believe this. My ambition was to renovate a house, not write a book. My freinds and family talked me into putting the book on this website. I am completely blown away from all the nice comments I have had!!
thanks again

My partner is a huge Peter Mayle fan and she would buy this in a heartbeat. Infact, she want a read just like this for our summer hols so get it published quickly. We also went to live for a year in teh SW of France so I fully understand that travelling spirit for romantic pastures new. I loved your prose but i was sold on 'living the Italian dream' anyway.
Backed with envy
Carl
The Time Hunters

My partner is a huge Peter Mayle fan and she would buy this in a heartbeat. Infact, she want a read just like this for our summer hols so get it published quickly. We also went to live for a year in teh SW of France so I fully understand that travelling spirit for romantic pastures new. I loved your prose but i was sold on 'living the Italian dream' anyway.
Backed with envy
Carl
The Time Hunters

A book requires a good 1st chapter to hold the reader to it. Your book does this very well, Its written well and very interesting. I look forward to reading more as you progress. I back it on what I have read so far - keep up the good work. SHELVED.

regards,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest) Would be pleased if you would take a look.

I'm afraid I'm going to be the odd one out :D Fantastic use of present tense here, and I was immediately captivated. I've spent brief times in Italy (they're very calm about traffic accidents - and tend to laugh) so that little incident in the opening grounded me right there. I could practically smell the air and feel the sun and shade.

This is a wonderfully engaging read, and I have backed it with pleasure.
Abi xxx

WELL JUST LOVED THIS. Duncan needless to say guess where my next journey is going to be. I was told to re-read my work out loud, you book is so informative and has the makings of a good seller, I would encourage you to read out loud and discover areas you can craft. CONGRATS on a potentially difficult write that YOU did well. BACKED . If you would read my non-fiction and comment I would be very appreciative

Denise
The Letter

Olives and Earthquakes - Off to a good start. I have written two novels in present tense and am familiar with the obsacles this form presents. It can be rewarding, but I'm not sure it's right for this story-I think its not. I would consider a tense change. (I'm assuming you continue in the present, I've only read the opening so far.)
Too many words and repitition - common in early stages. Shelved on promise. Good luck Please have a look at Einstein's Road Trip if your time allows. (It's written in present)

Welcome aboard, Duncan. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch actually works because this is non-fiction. The long pitch works as well. Congrats - most newbies don't get this correct their first time out. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Strange I had a head on in Spain and wrote off the hire car! ( again on the wrong side of a mountain road too tired to even comprehend at 30 degrees celsius! ) Your account is how my holiday that followed should of been but definitely wasn't! I really enjoyed this mainly because you grabbed me and had me in ITALY right there enjoying the ambience. Nicely written and beautifully set.Backed with pleasure.

Richard

Dear Duncan, I love how you make me feel like I'm right there with you as you tell your story - it's fascinating. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)

These books are perennially popular and this must be one of the best. You transport the reader to Italy with your superb descriptions. Excellent, commercial writing. Backed. Lynn