Book Jacket

 

rank 103
word count 56254
date submitted 03.06.2010
date updated 22.01.2011
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Freel of Streel

Ian Kraft

John winds up in the backwards, illogical land of Streel through which he must journey to battle the Freel that rules the land.

 

A con man in the midst of a failed swindle is forced to sleep in one of the townsfolk's houses next to a wine cellar. He wakes up in the land of Streel, where the Freel has rule. As he journeys through Streel to fight the Freel, led by a talking prairie dog, a scribe with two left arms and an outcast fox who changes his name constantly, he is introduced to the formalized (although infrequently used) language of Streel known as Romsportalfretag. His journey continues and he must overcome losing one of his dimensions, escaping lexically picky ants, people who speak with audibly multiple punctuation, the studious, armless Mister Arveltras, and spending time on the strangely diverse streets of the town of the Gredules, all while searching for the love of a woman that he has seen in a way that feels right to him. As John continues through Streel, he goes about inventing his own language and earning his armor and a sword with which to fight the Freel all whilst trying to understand his own mind and earn the love of a woman that he meets in the strange land.

 
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action, adventure, beast, christ figure, conman, crazy, creative, creatures, dream, dream-like, fantasy, fiction, interpretive, language, languages, l...

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The Conman

Those that use words like a game are sometimes at liberty to take those words and use them in ways that do not satisfy any true goal other than the entertainment of those that use them.

 

The quintessential truth of Streel is that the heart that thinks too much talks in circles and therefore thinks in circles as well, which always brings it back to the point that it is in its essence a heart that thinks far, far, far too much, but simply can’t relinquish because a circle is a splendid thing to be relished and cherished and covered in relish so that it can be thought of far too much.

 

    I was looking for a truth about life, but it seemed that I was, as a product of being me, the outside.  I had never heard of the town of Farlin and was headed there solely in the hopes of finding new business.  Times were hard and so was the sky above me as I rolled onto the first dusty street and as I looked around at the wooden, cabin homes, I felt a strange, eerie bleakness in my heart as if the world was about to swell up from beneath me and inhale everything, or perhaps just me, or something that pertained to me.  There was nary a single person out on the streets of the town and occasional winds were kicking up dust in the place of people.  The sky continued to weigh down and I felt it strange that in spite of its savage glow, there was no rain – only a sense of weight and of time being consumed by something that was far deeper and more painful than I yet knew.  And so there I sat, on horseback, watching a town that was locked in a moment, a moment consumed by some unknown emotion, a moment from which it could not escape.

    Sitting there, I began to speak with Sir Vantes, saying, “Well, what do you think, boy?  Should we go in?”

    I looked into his big, brown eyes that gave off a glow of intelligence and understanding and as his mane rustled with the movements of his long head, I felt his resistance and was once more uneasy.  But pushing on, I gave him a kick and we moved into Farlin.

    I had come to sell “defense,” defense against an outside force that I had but one way of knowing about – I was a conman.  I would sell weapons of defense to towns, wait for my ‘supply truck’ to come, and then, when I saw the horse-drawn truck, would flee to it and escape as the driver would send the horses into a full-blown sprint.  I had done this over and over for years and made more than a living doing it.  My supply truck, driven by a group of cohorts, was always two days behind, just for effect and this was how I survived in the world, this was how I avoided death, by selling others the protection against a death that I had no way of foreseeing.

    Moving in through the town’s front gates, I saw the most unnatural-looking skeleton that I had ever seen.  Its skull had the shape of a cannon and the bones of it’s body were all arced like bent knees, except for its claws, which were powerful and yet, at the same time, subtle.  As I looked at the bizarre skeleton with a perplexed gaze, I suddenly heard a voice.  It was the voice of a child piping in like a student who was sure he knew the answer and it said, “That’s the Liberor; he died a long time ago and his bones were left here.”

    “Sure it is, kid,” I responded sharply, “who’s in charge in this town?” 

    “In charge?  No one really.  You might want to talk to Agatha; she’s kind of in charge, or mister Gareel.  But he can be kind of mean sometimes.”

    “Where can I find Agatha?”

    “She lives in the house on the opposite corner of town; it’s the one with the big red window.  She knows a lot of things.”

    “Thanks.”

    I intentionally moved on without asking the kid’s name and began to make my way across the town.  It was a strange place, assembled like an enormous square with a line of houses on each of the four sides.  Most of the houses were connected and as Sir Vantes’ hooves clopped against the hard, dry, dusty terrain, I heard echoes, a sort of empty, dark, evil emanating from the ground below, as if there were eyes right below my feet, or perhaps they were teeth.

    I found the house with the red window and was less than impressed with what I saw.  The ‘big, red’ window that the little boy had described was more of a decrepit, broken square that just barely held a pane of glass from falling out.  The red paint was cracked and chipping away, not to mention that the glass itself was mud-splattered and gave off a vile, grungy appearance that was amplified by the faded paint.  The walkway leading up to the door was heavily obstructed by hanging tree branches that reached down from untrimmed limbs and the dying grass was intermittently long where it had not yet completely dried up and died.  Dismounting Sir Vantes, I fought through the branches, feeling as though they were arms, pushing me back, trying to hold me away.  I heard them snapping all around me as I put my head down and closed my eyes, pushing through like a small animal, blazing a trail through autumn’s fallen leaves. 

    When I finally reached the door, with its deep, dark lines and dry exterior, I knocked at it several times and was almost instantaneously met by an old woman’s five-toothed smile.  Her white hair was wild and unkempt with the appearance that she had been pouring oil on it right before I knocked and her eyes were peculiarly different; one was small, about the size of a marble and the other was enormous, as if amplified by a magnifying glass.  “Yes, yes!  I’ve been expecting you!” she began with exuberance in her old, warbled voice, “You don’t know how long this town has been waiting to see you!”

    “What?” I began in rebuttal, “What do you mean?  I came here to sell weapons, to sell protection.  I don’t have an appointment, no one knew I was coming.”

    “Yes, yes, everyone makes plans and so do we, or so do I.  Your appointment wasn’t with anybody or anything, but it was there because I knew it was.”

    “What does that mean?”

    “It means that you should hold on to what you’re selling.  Now, what’s your name, son.”

    “I don’t know if you need to know that.  I just want to talk to whoever’s in charge of this town, the mayor, the sheriff, whoever.”

    “Well I don’t know anything about any sheriff or mayor, but you should talk to Mister Gareel and tell him that Agatha sent you to finish it.  But please, come in!”

    Recalling that name from earlier, I began to ponder how my fate was intertwined to Mister Gareel, why I was being pushed towards him, but wrote that thought off as rubbish.  I suddenly felt my arm being grabbed as Agatha dragged me inside, turning around and moving into obscurity.

    The inside of the house was darker than night and fumbling like a bat without a voice, I struggled to follow along behind the old woman.  I heard a chair scraping across the floor as it was pulled out and suddenly felt my legs give out from under me as the chair was shoved into the backs of my legs.  I sat there, looking forward into complete obscurity and began once more to make my plea.  “Please, I just want to go speak to whoever’s in charge!”

    “I told you to talk to Mister Gareel, but right now, I want you to watch.”

    “Watch what?  I can’t see anything!”

    Suddenly, however, both of the old woman’s eyes lit up like white flames and I could make out that I was seated in front of a table with a book on it.  The book was old and covered in yellow dust and mold.  “This, my boy, watch this,” she said while pointing at the book. 

    She opened the pages and began to point, reciting some words in a wispy voice as if they were a prayer that I was meant to hear or perhaps take part in.  “There was once a fisherman on a lake who knew but two things: how to live and how to catch fish.  But when his line got snared to something on the bottom of the lake, he didn’t know what to do, for he only knew how to catch fish, not how to fix problems caused by the fishing rod.  And so he dove down into the water, thinking that he would go down and untangle the line – this was the solution of the man who knew little, to fight the problem at what he saw as the source.  Down he swam, down, down, down towards the depths of the deep lake.  And when he reached where the hook was snared against a sunken boat on the bottom of the lake, he realized he was running out of air.  And so he grabbed the line and tried to swim back up, but it was to no avail because he didn’t see the real problem.  No one knows if the man drowned or not, but he hasn’t been heard from since.”

    I listened to the story in slight amusement and as the old lady concluded, I asked, “And what was the real problem?” as a slight jab at her lunacy.

    “That’s what you’re here to find out, boy.  What the problem is.”

    I looked at her with a sudden weight in my heart and returned to my mantra “I’m just here to sell weapons; I have no interest in your town’s folk legends.”

    The old woman’s eyes held open for a moment in a tremulous stare as she inspected my face.  Her eyes then shut like two cellar doors, heavily and with a resonating sound that although almost indistinguishable, reverberated into my heart.  “Go then; go find Mister Gareel.  Maybe he can help you.”

    Her words sounded like the beats of a drum that was foreboding a fateful event and yet I still felt as though there was a smile in it and I was strangely offset.  I fumbled through the small dwelling and eventually made my way out, slipping through the doorway and looking back at the dank house one more time as I went.  For some reason, my mind was particularly drawn to that red window.  Like the entrance to an ailing darkness, it stood, a portal to some hideous basement of existence.

    As I stepped out onto the street, I once more saw that little boy.  “Hey Mister, where’re you going now?”

    “To see Mister Gareel,” I responded, strangely interested by the boy’s seeming role in my stay here.

    “Yeah, you should talk to him.  He lives over there.”

    The boy pointed at an eerily regal house that appeared as though there was a mixture of smoke and shadow swimming in its painted walls.  There was almost a face in the darkened blue exterior and as I moved in to begin my con all over again, I felt jaws coming up from the underground once more, dragging me down to some other world like a snake dragging its prey back home in its belly.

    After tying up Sir Vantes, I began to approach the door and with a fake, salesman’s smile.  I then proceeded up the stairs, leaving the boy where he stood and knocked.  I waited.  I heard rustling inside, rustling that could only be described as a struggle, as if someone with an animal biting their leg was trying to move away from the beast, trying to simply get it off of themselves.  The door clicked and before me stood a man who was wearing an eye patch over both eyes.  There appeared to be a tiny hole in the right patch and so looking at that spot, assuming that the man could see through it, I began to speak.  “Sir, I have travelled all the way from the far North to warn you of impending danger.  There is an army coming, a dark army of bandits, thieves, murderers and worse.  They overran my town in the North, but luckily, as I deal in weapons, I was able to escape.  Granted the cooperation of you and your town, I am able to help you forge an army and a full stock of weapons so that you can protect yourselves from the onslaught.”

    “You’re a bit late.  The enemy showed up years ago.”

    I looked at him perplexedly for a moment and began to wonder.  What does he mean?  How is that possible?  There’s no army; this is a con.

    “I don’t think you understand, sir; I mean a real army with pistols, rifles, swords and everything.”

    “Oh, I understand alright,” the man said as he stepped fully into the doorway, “just look at this house.  It didn’t always look like this; not until the darkness came anyway.  But come inside, we’ll talk.”

    I began to feel hesitantly good about my con, but as I took my first step in, I felt the ground groan.  I suddenly felt that I was in my own world, or another world at the least, and the eye-patched man whom I took to be Mister Gareel turned to me to ask “You alright?  Watch out now, the floor is tricky.”

    The man led me to a table where he sat and extended his arm so as to indicate for me to sit across from him.  “You’re not quite what I expected,” he began, “but then I guess that’s what you can expect of right-handed people.  There’s so many of them and they’re all so unpredictable.  Of course, left-handed people are no different, but I can always tell the difference.  Yes sir, I, for example, am a lefty and that’s why I can’t avoid winding up in Streel.  Right-handed people, however, can very well avoid it, but the problem is that they, like you, need to go in.  Of course, this has nothing to do with being right-handed or left-handed, but rather has more to do with being handed something and in your case, that something is a mission…or a task, whichever you’d like to call it.”

    I sat and stared in absolute befuddlement at the strange person sitting across from me and took up my spiel once more to try to divert him from whatever he was talking about.  “I came here to sell you weapons to defend yourselves from the army of the North.  I thought you and your town would be interested in saving yourselves.”

    “Oh, there’s nothing to save yet, you have to understand that the Freel rules Streel and therefore, our town is as good as dead unless someone saves us from what’s at the back of the wine cellar.”

    I began to assume that the man had in fact spent a little too much time in the wine cellar himself and putting myself up on my feet, I said, “Alright, I guess you have no interest in self-protection, so I’ll move on to another town where maybe they’re more interested.”

    “Oh no, don’t go.  We’re very interested.  As the ordained leader of this town, I am very interested in protecting my citizens.  Now, let’s talk price.”

    The man’s sudden change in consciousness and tone struck me as odd, but sitting down, I began to deal in price for weapons, horses and other equipment that didn’t really exist.  We talked for hours about what could happen if the army of the North descended upon the town, what they would need and how they would survive.  It seemed as though the man wanted me to keep talking as he continued to ask questions that deserved long-winded answers, but were more or less irrelevant to my swindle.

    After countless hours of discussion with the man, I looked out the window and saw that it was pitch-black outside – night had fully descended on the town.  “Well would you look at that, it’s nighttime.  I hope you aren’t going to head off into the dark.  You’re more than welcome to take up a place here free of charge.  You can sleep here, in the basement.  There’s a room near the wine cellar down there.”

    I looked at him cautiously, but realizing that the streets at night would be treacherous, especially with the foreboding sky, I agreed to stay the night.

 

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KarlV wrote 631 days ago

A complicated piece of writing that demonstrates how skilled the writer is. The sentences are like sections of a painting, carefully constructed and very effective. While not my genre of story, this found a way of holding onto me, which is the most important thing in writing.

Iberian Bird wrote 658 days ago

WOW.... what a fantastic and unusual imagination you have! This is simply a brilliant piece of work... completely original in every way. I am surprised you haven't got an agent already. I would think it won't take long for you to find one with talent like this.
Good luck, Ian.
Backed, with absolute pleasure.
Best wishes
Suzy (Raven)

Deseaux wrote 660 days ago

In the right hands, literature can transcend storytelling and become art. So it is with the Freel of Streel. Something uniquely between “Alice in Wonderland” and “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” the stories’ parts slowly coalesce and begin to take shape, much like an abstract painting. And like those painters, Ian does not always paint his narrative with the clear, short prose of linear story telling. Rather, his images challenge the imagination and deliver their message in circuitous fashion. Take for instance the sentient, talking arm that lectures our protagonist (John) after he calls it Mr. Arm instead of by its proper name, musing that putting mr in front of a word does not make it a name. A cautionary note; like all art, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some will love this, and others will not. For my part, I found it intriguing and refreshingly original. What I especially liked was the circuitous manner in which Ian provides poignant lessons. It is one thing to tell someone something that they may soon forget. But when the lesson is taught in an abstract manner that cause the mind to decipher it like a hidden message, the lesson becomes the property of the reader, which is to say, understood and internalized.

Christophe

Light Between Shadows wrote 683 days ago

Flawless writing - very impressive. And a wonderfully told, smart tale. I love that the con man is getting conned. Reminds me of Garcia Marquez - magical realism. I often feel like Ms. Negative dishing out critiques to fellow writers on this site but I have nothing else to say here but that I love this.
Best,
Tricia

MillieC wrote 683 days ago

Hey Ian,
And so welcome to another lover of words, a lexiconographer recognises one's own!
'Freel of Streel' a sure sign of a playful mind, and then BAM!, the first paragraph, such banter, such fun! I am in awe, I may have changed the relish for reggae reggae sauce (of Dragon's Den fame) but then it would not have rhymed, would it?
And so enters Mr Gareel.
I would laugh, but actually it all works. This is skillfully written.
I will return, I love the thought that a conman can be conned, a player played and am positive everything will come right in the end and our MC will become the hero, in spite of himself!
Love it, backed it
Millie x

Shelby Z. wrote 11 days ago

This story has a lot of mystery to it as you open it up.
There are a few things I would suggest fixing. A few of your sentences run on and I can't figure out what time you're trying to tell this story in. Is it modern or like other? It has no real time for the reader to grab the imagination of the setting.
Otherwise your descriptions are good and your story plot is perfectly creative.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Rosalind Barden wrote 215 days ago

I'm watching your YouTube & I comes to me what your book reminds me of. The Little Prince. I hope you go far with this one. It's really different, in the best possible way.
Rosalind Barden

Rosalind Barden wrote 216 days ago

Wow, mind trip. And I understood it. This expands the consciousness to a whole new dimension. A crazy wild journey. Backed & then some. Good luck. (sorry I took so long to accept your friend invite - I've been in my own Streel for awhile)
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

Beatnuki wrote 251 days ago

From one chapter - one magnificent, twisting, writhing, engaging, utterly loquaciously beguiling chapter - I'm more than happy to put this book on my bookshelf... my first EVER bookshelf backing since joining the site not so long ago!

This has the potential to go far. I'd wax lyrical and sing praises more, but then that means I'm typing rather than reading the lovely thing, so I'll stop this now. Can't talk. Reading.

Sue50 wrote 292 days ago

I am happy to re-BACK your work! Hope you get a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Laurence Howard wrote 338 days ago

Masterly, majestic and mind blowing. This is quality. A damn good novel that must get published.
Backed with pleasure.
The Cross of Goa

Liam Jay Brown wrote 351 days ago

This looks good, have w/l i and will read it in the next week :)

rashnae07 wrote 402 days ago

I will have to agree with Karl. Talent, that is what you have and that is what I respect! I am glad to be reading this piece of art! It grabs you, it keeps your attention unlike so many works I have read. Continue the wonderful writing and I will continue to read.

Vicki
Away To Freedom

VictoriaPendar wrote 418 days ago

I still have so much to read here but I'm enjoying this so much that I backed it. I don't back most books that I read, but yours had me smiling. So hats off to you.

ivanawright wrote 426 days ago

Wow! Very gripping and unique story. I proudly back this novel.

Tom Bye wrote 429 days ago

Hello ian ' the freel of steel'
i was impressed with this book many months ago and backed accordingly. i had no doubt then that it will reach the top, and my mind had not changed after glancing at it again, it deserves the six stars i have given it ;
good luck
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'

Cristy DeLange wrote 447 days ago

An extrodonairy introduction,but I like it. You have a bulk of talent.

DirogEX wrote 467 days ago

You have done well, Ian. you will have no problem getting to the ED in the upcoming months.

Kaimaparamban wrote 510 days ago

Apart from the usual style of writing, you selected a particular way of creativity to make real. An experienced writer like you can be taken this kind of challenges.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Karen Eisenbrey wrote 512 days ago

Ian,

I took longer than I thought it would to get to this, but I was very pleased to sample a few chapters of this ambitious and imaginative work. Naming the horse "Sir Vantes" is a good hint as to what kind of trip we're on. This feels like Alice in Wonderland or Phantom Tollbooth territory, but not a kids' book. The hero is far from heroic at the outset, and the humor is pretty surreal and sophisticated. The convoluted language is mostly a lot of fun, and the way Streel operates is both dreamlike and hilarious.

My one big nitpick would be to watch the passive voice: "a verb is done by a noun", rather than "a noun verbs." It sounds like a small matter, but it tends to clunk and leads to wordiness that is not as fun.

Here are my comments on the first 3 chapters:

Ch 1
I was looking for a truth about life, but it seemed that I was, as a product of being me, the outside.
I can't make any sense of "I was the outside." Did you mean "on the outside" or something like that?

Ch 2
John relates that it is dark in the wine cellar. If this is so, how can he see the rainbow-colored bottle caps, or the odd round door, or the bottle opener? Did he take a light with him? It isn't clear.

"it's lock" should be "its lock"

Ch 3
"it's label" should be "its label"

"I did!! Said a voice. . . You want, "I did!!" said a voice. . .

you're small pocket You want "your" (By the way, I liked this bit a lot, where the "small pocket" turns out to be the ear.)

"it's eyes" should be "its eyes"

brlue stripes I'm sure you meant blue stripes.

Good luck with this project!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

Tom Bye wrote 514 days ago

Hi Ian.
The Freel of streel'
Read the first 4 chapters, and found myself engrossed in the 'Conman's story'
Very original and descriptive writing that make it an enjoyable read.
backed with pleasure
Tom Bye' From Hugs To Kisses'
If you have time please look at mine thanks

J.S.Watts wrote 522 days ago

This is a revisit under the new arrangements. This remains an intriguing work and less impenetrable than I recall from my previous read: either the language has been simplified or my brain has adjusted to fit - worrying thought. It remains a distinctive and original story, however.

I like the opening, the conman riding in to town to con its inhabitants and getting caught in a trap himself and then there is the surreal craziness of Streel itself. All good stuff. Stars allocated.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Wilma1 wrote 540 days ago

Great imagery and an ingenious mind get us all hooked into you very good book. Its a pleasure to revist and refesh my memory of it and star it accordingly.
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

RonParker wrote 545 days ago

Hi Ian,

This is one of the better stories I have read on this site and I can see why it's doing so well in the ratings. I've only had time to read the first few chapters but I will be back for more when time permits.

There are a few minor things that need to be sorted out, though. First, and this is always a problem with first person stories, we need to know the name of the narrator. It isn't mentioned in any of the chapters I read. I know it's in your pitch, but that won't be part of the book.

Next, in chapter one, refering to Garbeel, the narrator says 'recalling that name from earlier', but it hasn't been mentioned earlier.

When he goes to see Gabreel, he ties up the horse. Does that mean it was left to run loos on his earlier visit to Agatha, and when he does finally have his meeting with Garbeel and then stays, he seems to completely neglect the horse as he he has not returned to it since he tied it up.

A very unusual concept. Good luck with it.

Ron

Ley-Line Controller wrote 547 days ago

Good luck with smashwords
(if my first attempt of leaving a comment didn't work).

Ley-Line Controller wrote 547 days ago

Good luck with smashwords.

Bobbee wrote 553 days ago

I understand you are on the ED, and assume another backing won't assist you? If you need one, let me know.Yoiu book is great!
Cheers
Bobbee
Kali's Daughters

celticwriter wrote 557 days ago

Hi Ian, hope you're doing well. Just wanted to let you know I'll be re backing your book. Just trying to catch up with this new system.

blessings,
jim

Howard Matthews wrote 559 days ago

It's an excellent idea and pitch. The pace is great as the story moves along from the first page. Absolutely no hesitation picking this up to read the whole thing.

Constructively: I know it is a stylistic piece and you will have strong views on every word.... I found some of the sentences where I would add commas - right before I knocked and her eyes, "right before I knoced, and her eyes"?

Also some passive voice in there - truth is that the heart that thinks too much... "truth is the heart that thinks too much"? Not to mention that the glass itself was mud splattered, "Not to mention the glass was mud splattered"

A published author told me to do 'find delete' on the word "that" from the whole novel. Then read it again and only put them back if the sense is lost...

Would the possessive of Sir Vantes be Sir Vantes's hooves?

All small points though

good luck

Howard
Heretics of Death

clutzattack wrote 569 days ago

Your pitch definitely reflects the tone and style of the writing, but I wasn’t prepared for how surreal and eclectic it was actually going to be. Almost stopped reading at the second paragraph because it was nonsensical.

Clee, Freel, and Streel are very similar in spelling and are confusing me already. It’s clever how you rhyme with them, but differentiating freel from Freel just based on the capitalization is giving me headaches.

Even though I have not read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass, I would have to agree with the comments posted by others that this has a Wonderland or Mad Hatter tone to it.

Roman N Marek wrote 586 days ago

I can’t decide whether I like this or not. It’s different, it’s clever, it’s well written. It’s like Lewis Carroll for grown-ups, bursting with highly imaginative ideas and imagery. Perhaps I admire it more than I like it; one surreal thing after another. But I didn’t give up on it and read it all ... so it must have something that held me! The best of luck with it.

psychenoxx wrote 588 days ago

Wow. You had me hooked with the horse's name, and I'm jealous of this work here.

Backed, and read!

Regards~blah, blah, blah~

Freeman wrote 594 days ago

Chapter 9
This is an interesting novel with plenty of new ideas. I was not sure how anyone could spend hundreds of days cutting down a tree and guessed this was some sort of dream world since there was no mention of sustenance during this time, then the thousands of numbers… a nightmare for sure. This is very Alice in Wonderland’ style.. It is well written and has good descriptions. Happy to back.

Tony
Life Bringer

CamilleClasse wrote 599 days ago

Reading the pitch I wasn't sure whether I would enjoy this piece...but to my suprise it was amazing. You have an amazing grasp of the English language. Your writing is mature and strong, and your syntax and diction is flawless.
Good Luck
Camille Classe
Life (As Told by Camille)

Battle Knyght wrote 599 days ago

Crap.
BK

paxie wrote 625 days ago

He wakes up in the land of Streel, where the Freel has rule........The Freel from Steel, sounded a bit ‘Once Upon A Time’ to me.

I was looking for a truth about life, but it seemed that I was, as a product of being me, the outside. (read this out loud, what are you saying/?)

Is this it:-

I was looking for a truth about life, but I was, as a product of being me, an outsider.

Times were hard and so was the sky above me...(what does a hard sky look like?)

You use 'as' over often....

as I rolled onto the first dusty street and as I looked......
vis a vis
I rolled onto the first dusty street and looked.

I felt a strange, eerie bleakness in my heart if (the world was about to swell up from beneath me and inhale everything)...this conjures no imagery for me at all...I still don’t know how he feels....suffocating, overwhelmed, scared...just use the relative description and dump all the flowery prose.....

I looked into his big, brown eyes that gave off a glow of intelligence
Vis a vis
I stared at his intelligent brown eyes....

defense,” UK spell check.......defence

would flee to it and escape as the driver.....you flee from something not to it.....

made more than a living doing it. .......made a good living...(say what you mean)

When I finally reached the door, with its deep, dark lines and dry exterior, I knocked at it several times and was almost instantaneously met by an old woman’s five-toothed smile.....(does this mean she answered the door, because if it does, then just say that).....

with a fake, salesman’s smile. .....this means nothing to me...you have to describe it :- sinister smile, hardened look, etc

Why must you always...’begin’ to do something, why not just,,,,,do it...?

I began to speak with Sir Vantes,...I spoke with Sir Vantes

and began to make my way across the town..... I made my way across town.

I began to ponder how my fate......I pondered my fate

I began to approach the door...I approached the door....

I looked at him perplexedly for a moment and began to wonder. ...... I looked at him perplexedly and wondered.....

Can you begin to die ? I think not, so why must your characters 'begin' to do everything....

You have a good premise and plot, and I had no problem with your dialogue...I would not have been so honest had you not asked, but I think you need to read this out loud, there is much here that could be chopped out.

Let me know if I have said anything you need me to explain more.

Best of luck with it.....I did enjoy the read.

Faybles wrote 627 days ago

I stumbled on this accidentally, I like that, I didnt feel obliged to read; i wanted to read and I did.

This book, to me, doesnt make sense. The pitch and the short passageways at the front didnt make sense. It was awesome and refreshing to read something that really makes you think and you enjoying thinking about it. The sentances are so well constructed that they have to be admired.

Onto the story; good writing style, fluent and not jolty, I read like it was a story and that is a buying factor for me. I felt sorry for John, despite being a con man he only wants to sell guns and he winds up being dragged under a sea of trouble. He is likeable and believable which can be a hard feat.

No wonder its high up the chain, it deserves it place. I dont say this often but I'll come back to this. :@)

Faye

Strayer wrote 628 days ago

It is unusual and sci fi readers will adore it. You have a whole world here and i di enjoyed reading about it.

acmlee wrote 629 days ago

Just checked out the first few chapters of 'The Freel Of Streel' as promised. Must say that this isn't my usual choice of read but, that said, this looks like good work. Its a very vivid story, well constructed and well told with good dialogue and characters - well, the humans anyway! Backed.
Adrian Lee

Freddie Omm wrote 629 days ago

the voice speaks in simple words to articulate complex and playful ideas.

sometimes the effect of this is one of compressed concision, sometimes charming, sometimes oddly germanic, or saxon, at any rate:

"i found that i had much more hopped than i wanted to."

the odders' rules have a quirky nonconsequentiality which is rather appealing. this is mixed with some truth, too, not entirely distinct from the sentiments expressed on greetings cards (incidenually, a series of surreal greetings cards would make a good tie-in for this book):

"love is not a choice, but something you choose to do."

lewis carroll meets heidegger, perhaps. you certainly have a voice and it is good to listen to.

backed and wishing you well with it.

freddie
("honour")

S.C. Thompson wrote 630 days ago

It's Charles Dodgson, right? Is that you, old boy? Is that you in there?
Gracious my, you've outdone yourself this time - poured a beaker full of fun-house-mirror relativity and semantic Escherism down the rabbit hole to add to the mix of clocks that tick backwards and Jabberwockys . . . it's a psychedelic modern incarnation of Through The Looking Glass; not an easy or even conceivable accomplishment, but Ian, I think you've done it. You have a nimble grasp of the paradoxical, and a way with words that serves your effort here to a T.
I'm simply amazed.
sc

rab14 wrote 630 days ago

I thought I'd backed this but I've read the first chapter and find I don't recognise it. It's a well-written story with an unusal theme and Title. A good example of Science Fiction/ fantasy novel - Good Luck K.J.

Mitch Kelly wrote 630 days ago

Quirky & clever.... I think that's all that needs to be said.

Good work.

KarlV wrote 631 days ago

A complicated piece of writing that demonstrates how skilled the writer is. The sentences are like sections of a painting, carefully constructed and very effective. While not my genre of story, this found a way of holding onto me, which is the most important thing in writing.

StaKC wrote 633 days ago

Brilliant. If Lewis Carrol and Jonathan Swift had collaborated, it might have looked a bit like this, at least if you threw a little Douglas Adams in there too. Love your imagination and you style. This is awsome.

Kid A wrote 634 days ago

This really is an acid trip. I backed this on the strength of your pitch and the strange title alone. I like your lilting use of language and your descriptions. I've read the first three Chapters, and so far so very Alice in Wonderland. This is a good thing. In direct comparison, I like the idea of a swindler with loose morals falling down the rabbit hole as opposed to a cookie-cutting sweetheart.
The only (slight) issue I have is that I think narrative is too verbose at times and not clear enough at others. Here's an example: John is talking to the Prairie Dog after waking up in Streel. During this time they discuss small pockets, punctuation, Freel and freel, being a (possibly trans dimensional) seamless sheet (again with the lovely language; this really could have come from Wonderland), the Clee being the key. Suddenly, John and the Prairie Dog come to a dense wood. Throughout all of your exposition you don't really touch upon whether they're just talking or walking. Were they moving? Or did the wood just appear before them? This might sound pedantic, but you've set such a high benchmark for yourself in other areas that I can't help but notice this.
In closing, this is like nothing I've ever read (in spite of the Wonderland comparison), and I wish you luck with it.

thebobster wrote 634 days ago

A captivating tale that walks the line between reality and insanity. The word play was terrific and it was strange - there were times when I could basically understand the point of some monologue without really understanding every detail. It was a very strangely poignant book and I think it really deserves a look!

I wish you the best with this and hope it goes all the way!
Bob/ Rob/ Bobby/ Robby/ Robert/ Roberto/ whatever

Giulietta Maria wrote 635 days ago

The writing is enchanting, and infused with poetry. I find your description mesmerising. The only comments I can think are to watch cliche's "Big brown eyes" made me jump out of the story- it's so overused, and your writing is so much better than that! Also, I didn't like "moment, a moment" (also in the first chapter) but I am just being picky now. A beautifully written work! Backed.

Stark Silvercoin wrote 636 days ago

Author Ian Kraft is either a brilliant genius or a troubled madman. Perhaps a bit of both? The Freel of Steel is a book that is simply fun to read. The witty descriptions of this strange world are delightful. Its actually fun to read, a sort of Cat In The Hat for adults. Definitely this is different than anything else out there right now. And good too.

Jedah Mayberry wrote 636 days ago

Happily backed. One minor comment. Back in chapter 1, you say "He wore an eye patch over both eyes." I think you mean to say over each eye or either eye. Otherwise, nice work.

Jedah Mayberry
- Slow Train Comin'

L.W. wrote 636 days ago

Imaginative and original. Draws the reader in. Backed!

Matthew Munson wrote 636 days ago

A very unusual book, but one which does intrigue me. I will be reading more to get "under the skin" of this strange land!

Ron Mitchell wrote 637 days ago

What an imaginative tale. It has a compelling opening and draws the reader into the story. Best of luck with this book and your future writing. Thanks for any support for December Gold.

Xenton06 wrote 639 days ago

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I also am a college student, in engineering. And an author too, who has written four novels. I'm glad to hear your pursuing publication and i wish you luck. Its really hard to do but i hear self publishing the business these days. if your interested, check out Lulu.com. Its an online publishing company that publishes your work for free. all you have to worry about is editing and marketing your work, although they have packages that will help you on your journey. Its a bit pricey but if a poor college student like me can do it then a graduate can do the same. Your work is awesome and i will have to back it if i havent. If you have any publishing tips, if its not too much, could you give me some advice? sure lulu is great but i really want my work to blow up. Thanks and the best of luck to ya.
Xenton-W.M.

Roger Thurling wrote 639 days ago

There are lots of forms of genius. This is one of them.
RT