An Officer of Excellent Character

Dear Ian Bernard,

I, too, am a fan of the Indefatigable Horatio Hornblower, Admiral of the Fleet, Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath, First Baron, and top-of-the-line swell guy. An Officer of Excellent Character: excellent title, cover and premise, along with delicious writing that so captures the salty adventures of this new hero, Captain John Perkins, that you bring to light. How can this story be anything but an admirable presence on the bookshelves of libraries and classrooms and a work to stir the imaginations of young and mature minds? Quite the word count, Ian Bernard, and commendable research that again illuminates the effort you put into what is clearly a worthy labor of love.

Your sailing friend from across the pond.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

An officer of excellent character
Bakced with pleasure
Eveleen
- Turning a new leaf
- Like a dot on the horizon

I've read quite a few O'Brian books and think this compares very well. The contrast between Perkins and Nightingale is handled skilfully. Obviously well-researched and conveys the atmosphere of the times. A good read.

I applaud the detail from the pecking order of crew down to the purser, the cane knives and machetes being the tools (and ultimately weapons) of choice throughout the Caribbean. Excellent.

There are a couple of places where my mind set off in search for other words. Perkins to a dying Mister Williams: 'good luck to you sir' might have been replaced by some statement of eternal gratitude, for his service, his loyalty, his final sacrifice. In the end, the men share such an exchange, Williams passing a locket for Perkins to carry to his wife. The exchange succeeds in the end in carrying the weight the scene deserves. Fixing that small detail will add depth to the exchange. You set the period with great success with talk of tailors, the vices of cards, women and alcohol. How those vices place men on opposite sides in their demeanor. I'm not versed in the history of profanity, but imagine use of other terms, scurvy wench instead of bitch. That sort of thing. Those comments aside, this is a splendid read, thoroughly engaging. I will continue as time permits. Backed.

-Jedah Mayberry
Slow Train Comin'

Fast paced action, no lingering, classic adventure tale. Plenty of characters, a forceful opening chapter, good luck with it.

A few more commas in dialogue might be an idea i.e. (Ch 8)‘My papers[,] my lord’ ‘Yes[,]Weatherspoon has acquainted me etc.

Hi cornered, I loved the Hornblower books when I was a kid, too. I used to sail a bit and I found that they really captured the feel. I never got to go on anything that size (well, not square-rigged, anyway, ferries across the North Sea don't count), but I could always dream... I agree with you about the significance of your subject, and I salute you for pursuing your insight in such an effective and engrossing way. It is sad to think that racism is still so prevalent, and I think you have found an excellent vehicle for challenging such shoddy shallow thinking.

Good luck, though you shouldn't need it.

I note celticwriter mentions film as a potential medium, have you thought of a film treatment?

KA

Hi Ian. This is gotta be a movie. I'm not at novel critic, just a scriptwriter who loves true stories, and sees a terrific tale. You paint well with words. Terrific journey!

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london (love it if you could give mine a look, thank you)

Ian Bernard: An Officer of Excellent Character

Such a brilliant undertaking to bring credit to a well deserved man! Beautifully researched with good content and dialogue. The author pays attention to emotions and help build a realistic setting with visual impact.

Backed with pleasure!

Romilla
Forgetting Sally

This is some of the most skilled writing I have seen on here, and certainly a story that commands your attention, rich with detail and character. I expect this will be in print very soon. Backed.

This is a beautiful read, and very well written. A best seller in the making for sure :) Backed with pleasure.

This is a story that really should be published. And to be honest, I'd rather like a film or TV serial as well. Impeccably researched, there is a wonderful pace to your writing. I would love to see this in print. Excellent.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Hi,
The character are really awesome. I love to read it completly. It is ffascinating.
All the best.

Backed with wishes.
S. Vinay kumar
The ark and the aroma of peril.

John is a complex, fascinating character. Your descriptions are effective. For example, your description of John. You use you narrative well to reveal thoughts, feelings and motives. You enrich your narrative with apt similies like 'as if he was making his way to his tailors.' Your dialogue evokes the era and propels your story forward. Your pacing kept me riveted.

Nit:
"Captain we should make our way to the beach." Comma after 'Captain.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are more cases of this type of problem.

This is compelling historical fiction, masterfully told. Backed.

This powerful, very well researched superbly written story grabbed me from the start. This is probably one of the best written pieces in its genre on this site.

I am full of admiration for your great talent and sharp mind. The story needs to get out, and I am sure that the right publisher will find it irresistible.

Congratulations and backed with true pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

I can see that this plot has been thoroughly worked out and the book carefully written. It is always a problem in historical fiction that to keep the formality of voice, you lose some of the pace and tension. If you edit, have an eye to this. But very well done. Backed as you see
Lara
Good for Him

Sorry, I am not in a good mood, I may be wrong. But your book did not hook me, as I said, I might be very wrong.

Shah

What a stunning achievement. Cecil Smith could not have done better although if word of this novel reaches him I have no doubt that he will presently be scratching sentences on the lid of his coffin.

Stories like this need to be told. Our more-better-faster technologically advanced world usually errs as we forget that we would not be where we are without the sacrifices and successes of our forbears. Captain John Perkins is a particular example as one man who endures against forces beyond his control and triumphs. I for one would like to see any sequels to 'An Officer of Excellent Character'. After all with the red headed Frances Tierney running around in colonial America, there is still much to be told. Thank you Ian. RT

Ian,

The pitch indicates the story of good leadership provided by a black person, and this got me hooked. The gruesome and disturbing war scenes in the frirst chapter do indeed come alive, very real.The unfolding admirable character of Captain Perkins is seen in the attitudes of Williams and Graves, and also in the manner he handles the insolent Sir Charles. This is a very enjoyable read.

Backed with pleasure.

Gabriel (It Goes On Forever.)

I'm a huge fan of the Jack Aubrey novels and will always jump at anything RN set at the time of the Napoleonic Wars.
You have a fascinating story here and one which should be read by the widest possible audience ( a nice addition to the black sailor on Nelson's column). I thought the story itself was fascinating, but I do have nits which interupted the flow of the narrative. Little things like "Mister" instead of "Mr" and the over use of "that".
With some more editing this will be a first rate addition to the cannon....sorry for the puns, couldn't resist:-))
Bev

An Officer of Excellent Character

Ian Bernard

Backed a few days ago.
I was impresed by your themes and this seems like intelligent, very good writing. Also like your cover very much.

However, I am not doing in-depth reviews at the moment. Present “real life” responsibilities make this impossible, including family responsibilites resulting from school vacation, and, I am also presently editing some of my pieces uploaded here. I have backed your book after reading your pitches alone or your pitches and first chapter upload because I was impressed by them and believe your book deserves an HC review. I do not do blind backings but always read some of the author’s work before backing. After some eleven months of being on this site, I have read and commented on about 450-500 books – maybe more, as many writers have withdrawn books from the site and it’s now difficult to keep track. If you would like a more detailed comment on your effort, do leave me a message and I will be happy to oblige when school starts up again and family responsibilites are lightened, or before that, if I have some available time. In the meantime, I was honoured to have given your book a spin on my shelf, genuinely believe it has wonderful potential and I wish you the best in finding a publisher. (I would of course be most grateful if you are able to spend a little time on mine.)
Best wishes and a happy summer to you and family.
Zan

Ian
The opening scene of the story is a real draw. You do a great job of painting with your words. This was a good read for me. Yes, you do need to do some minor corrections but we all do with our work and a good editor can help you with that. I think you have great talent and your work has merit -- so I am happy to shelve.
Best
j

Hi Ian, Vivid scenes with dialogue that form the character personalities. This renders well the strong emotions that are going on besides the action. Williams’ heroism is moving and Perkins’ makes him stand out in the attack. You’ve managed many characters with finesse so that as I read, the story unfolded as swiftly as the scene itself. A well-imagined depiction of this historical personage. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I do not know when I have had a better time reading a story. The premise that the story is a true one only serves to reinforce that conclusion. No nits to pick. Your editor will find enough of those to drive you crazy but until he weighs in, know that your story is of worth and one that we see far too few of here. Regards from RT.

I think this Brilliant!
Everything about this feels right. The style of writing, the dialogue, the settings it all feels very congruent.
Little details like Ambassador Deveaux smile all add to great character build and you have a very engaging storyline here. – Good luck!

I really enjoyed the part of chapter 1 that I read, which was probably about 80% of it. You have a talent at visual description and excitement. There were definite scenes of tension within - particularly the attack on the village, and the resulting efforts at escape. The book reminds me a little of Mister Pip, but that may just be subject matter. You have chosen a good place to begin the narrative, and this book should do very well on Authonomy. Ben

You have an exciting and well researched story and one that holds the interest. The dialogue is spot on for the era and classes of the characters. I would advise you try to keep each scene from one point of view only as head-hopping is distracted and always put a comma before the name, tittle of who is being spoken to:' Aye, Sir' 'Thank you, Mister Graves.' etc... Backed, love Mary

Greetings Ian,

Your title and pitch caught my eye, and I read your first chapter with gratification. This is a fine theme and introduction for an exciting historical novel, with well-chosen characters clearly in place. There is certain to be a broad readership for this timely story of the first black man to command a British naval vessel, and the action occurs in a time and setting that heightens interest. The prose is generally clear, natural, and economical, with realistic dialogue and a style suited to the historical genre. Backed with admiration and a strong desire to read further.

Best of luck, Bill
THE DOCTOR OF SUMMITVILLE

I like your premise

Ian, Written in the spirit of the time of wooden ships and true to the days of Napoleon. But the story, built on sure research, is a terrific read. My yacht, Windshadow, is somewhat more recent, if you get the time to look. Meanwhile, all the best with yours.
Backed, Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

An Officer of Excellent character. A rousing opening. Action packed from the start. The french attack is described brilliantly. The obvious comparison is with Patrick O'Brian. Having a black captain in this period is a novel idea and all the more interesting for being based on truth. A whole lot of research must have went into this and I would say it has been well worth it as this has the makings of a really compelling book, and series of books if that should come to pass. Very little to fault but if I'm pushed I'll remark that 1 or 2 of the paragraphs are on the long side and it might or might not be any harm to break them up a little. Apart from that minor and barely worth mentioning quibble I'm highly impressed.
John O'Brien - Other Face

Fascinating story and very well told. Perkins is a wonderful main character and one I knew nothing about - no surprise there really, I suppose. Description is good, enough to ground the reader in the era. Technical stuff seems well researched and authentic. Agree with Andrew about some of your mega paragraphs; it is very easy to lose one's place, especially on screen.
Good luck with this, I like a good sea story and this is a good sea story.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Your work is well written and your attention to historical detail in this period piece is well done. My only small critisism is that you should break up some of your extremely long paragraphs as they tend to bog down your good work. Your use of imagery is excellent and this finely crafted novel is a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Ian
This is great stuff. You're language and use of dialogue matches the period well. You've obviously done exyensive research here. Some good visual writing as well. Best of luck with it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Great work - thoroughly enjoyed this.
RECO
Prygon: The Circle of Dark Magic

Welcome aboard, Ian. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Since this is historical fiction, no need to end with a question. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Ian,
I realised that I'd read this a while ago. I may have commented then, but I'd like to just update my opinion and say BRAVO! The best historical fiction I've read on site.
Best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Your narrative oozes quality and a deft way with words, certainly period work at some of its best. The joy of historical fiction is not only a strong story which is coloured by the years past but learning too. Clearly you have spent time with research and it shows.
The vivid opening spares no details of conflict and it is written extremely well. As are the next few chapters I've read.
An interesting plot here which I shall pursue and enjoy. Meanwhile, happy to back. Margaret.

I like this kind of story, especially ones of the navy in Nelsons time. This has the flavour of the old wooden ships and of the period. I am backing this because few stories of history have as much research as this must have had.
Take a look at mine, this is a more modern historical novel set in the times of WW2. Read it and I hope enjoy it and perhaps back it as it needs some help. JohnJ

OFFICER OF EXCELLENT CHARACTER
This is an interesting story; a window into a part of history I knew nothing about. You have a good writing style for historical fiction; able to give enough detail a reader knows where he is at and what things look like not so much the story bogs down in historical detail. I think there’s always a market out there for this type of story because it’s educational as well as a good story. I think it’s also the kind of story that would interest a movie producer. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Ian,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Dear Author
Your book inspires and threads a fine path. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of writing is unique and offers up a treat. It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed

Ian, I am very into historical fiction, particularly of the era of Napoleon, Nelson, and now we have a good fiction of John Perkins. Wonderful. You have crafted this book well and obviously done much research which shows. congrats on this work, I have not read in its entirety but will. BACKED for sure......If you would review 'The Letter' and give your comments and backing, I would appreciate it.

Denise
The Letter

Never knew such a person as Perkins existed .You describe him clearly. There's an elegance to your prose which seems right for the era, though it's very readable and not at all stilted. I have a feeling there's a wide audience for this. Wish you the best for an impressive piece of work. Backed. Lynn

I really love your writing and the fact that you have tackled this subject in such absorbing detail.

It's a pleasure to read and back your book.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Ian. Very intriguing and well written. The concept of a black man holding a commission in the RN during the Napoleonic wars would normally be dismissed as fantasy, for this to be based on fact makes it a story to be told. The opening, although containing very good description, may be a bit slow. It livens up with the attack and the possibility of a possible spy/traitor introduces some mystery. Some grammar and punctuation need to be addressed when updating. Also, only my opinion, but on this site some of the paragraphs are too long. Likewise the chapters. With the number of books posted daily on this site the majority of readers need to be 'grabbed' in the first few paragraphs, so they will then, hopefully, read a chapter or two. At the moment the length of the initial paragraphs may not hold their attention long enough to encourage them to continue. You could also consider mentioning in your pitch that it is based on fact, it may entice more readers and possibly more backings. On my shelf. Good luck.

Well crafted and polished. Bless you for uploading the entire novel so I can return for more of this gem! backed with pleasure.

liz
The Cheech Room

Really well done, I loved it. good luck and I wish you the very best with this. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

a very readable, and enjoable book. your writing is also effective..watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

Dear Ian, I love your beautiful story - I am so thankful you shared it - determination & self-worth speaks out loud & clear - I am blessed. :) Your pitch was very well done - enough to set the hook for me to read your book. :) You created interest by having short paragraphs (long ones, you may want to cut in 2 or many more for us with short attention spans who tend to miss the middles) & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)
backed :)
Love, Susie :)