Drowning

Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your well-thought-out comments. About the pitch, from everything I've studied in the publishing business, citing a mix of known and/or already-published works is recommended for "log lines" and short blurb pitches. However, I do understand how someone might conclude what you have. Jeez! I certainly hope the story is original. Thanks again for commenting! -Susan :)

Dear Susan,
Your cover is so well done, very eye catching. Your long pitch is really great too, though I would break it into a couple of paragraphs for more white space and easier reading. Your short pitch - I like it, but I am unfamiliar with the novel you cited. I've heard of the soap. So it makes me a little confused and feeling a bit illiterate, also makes me think perhaps your book isn't too original since you say it's a mix. So, if I were you (this is only my opinion, no need to follow my advice unless you think it worthy) I would start the short pitch with "DROWNING explores..." and leave out the beginning of the sentence.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Dear Susan,
Your cover is so well done, very eye catching. Your long pitch is really great too, though I would break it into a couple of paragraphs for more white space and easier reading. Your short pitch - I like it, but I am unfamiliar with the novel you cited. I've heard of the soap. So it makes me a little confused and feeling a bit illiterate, also makes me think perhaps your book isn't too original since you say it's a mix. So, if I were you (this is only my opinion, no need to follow my advice unless you think it worthy) I would start the short pitch with "DROWNING explores..." and leave out the beginning of the sentence.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Thanks, Summer.
Thank you for enjoying Euly. :) -S

Drowning - I've read the prologue and your first chapter. I like Euly as an mc. She has a great personality. Your writing is very descriptive in settings and emotions of you characters. A great read and gladly already backed.

All the best,
:-) Summer D'Vine, Blood of Summer, Shed for You

Drowning - I've read the prologue and your first chapter. I like Euly as an mc. She has a great personality. Your writing is very descriptive in settings and emotions of you characters. A great read and gladly already backed.

All the best,
:-) Summer D'Vine, Blood of Summer, Shed for You

Thanks, Andrew! Your precise analysis gives me great pleasure. -S :)

I liked your Prologue with its sense of foreshadowing and the use of the first person narrative voice. You have crafted a most compelling storyline and your use of short paragraphs and crisp, well written dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. Your character development of Euly is excellent as is your use of imagery. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing style makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I liked your Prologue with its sense of foreshadowing and the use of the first person narrative voice. You have crafted a most compelling storyline and your use of short paragraphs and crisp, well written dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. Your character development of Euly is excellent as is your use of imagery. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing style makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Susanne -

Drowning - I like the mystery and the beautiful writing.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Wow. Thanks so much. -S :)

Thank you for your comments and backing on Thomas Fairchild. I have just read your prologue and chapter one. Your prologue was very powerful and had me holding my breath while waiting for the outcome. Very well written. I am happy to back your book. Eunice

Thank you for your comments and backing on Thomas Fairchild. I have just read your prologue and chapter one. Your prologue was very powerful and had me holding my breath while waiting for the outcome. Very well written. I am happy to back your book. Eunice

Thank you to everyone who has commented. I'm sorry I haven't been online much here lately. I've been on book tour and now I'm back for a couple of weeks, gone again but only for about a week next time then I'm done! Phew! Anyway, I will be trying to catch up with all of you shortly. I have a couple of writing contests to judge by August 31 but will be reading a TON this month... yippee! Thanks again. I'll be backing and shelving soon. -Susan :)

Wishing you the best too, Scott and thanks so much for enjoying my words in the order I've arrange them and with all the periods, commas and quotations! :)

Susan, very touching story, the kind of book I would buy and give to friends and family
You have a gift, when it comes to connecting with the reader and building sympathy for the MC
The writing is good and the dialogue impressive
I wish the you best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Oh dear goodness! I think I would die if my mother ever got a hold of my diaries!
Here's to daughters and mothers... ya gotta love 'em!

Susan,
Drowning is a mesmerizing account filled with drama and relayed to the reader with style. Backed.

Thank you so much. I appreciate your comments. -Susan

Susan,
Drowning is a mesmerizing account filled with drama and relayed to the reader with style. Backed.

Susan,
Drowning is a mesmerizing account filled with drama and relayed to the reader with style. Backed.

Susan, very touching story, the kind of book I would buy and give to friends and family
You have a gift, when it comes to connecting with the reader and building sympathy for the MC
The writing is good and the dialogue impressive
I wish the you best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

You have captured something quite profound at the end of the prologue.
This book has turned into a very engaging read it has a depth to it I wasn’t expecting and it really makes this special.
This has a strong physiological thread and it is (I my eyes) exception literary fiction. – Good luck!

Hi Susan,
a bit confused methinks. I've only been on here 6 weeks by the way - When...? is my first crack at writing, which I'm continually rewriting and editing from the great (not positive) feedback .

Thoughts for what they are worth:

Short synopsis - 'a mix between...' I don't like this, appears lazy and I've got no idea what the refs are about - limiting your audience, surely?

Long synopsis - surely you've told us the tale with this - the last sentence? Should your synopsis in this context be a selling tool hinting on the tale, not running through it.

Passed on the prologue - waste of time these days - get on with it - I say.

Then I started reading Ch 1 - my rant stops here and now. This looks like professional writing to me. Possibly a tad thick on the describing for my taste.

Why are you here? Why not just send to your agent or publisher?

If you get the chance to shoot 'When...?' down in flames - much appreciated.

Cheers, Rob

Hi Susan, Descriptive in the scenes and strong in the narrator voice. You’ve aroused curiosity as to who it was that drowned at the outset. I did wonder about a child sitting on the drain if it’s a deeper pool for adults – hard to stay there. The hints of morbidity that come next, Belle’s diagnosis and Euly’s work with obits strike a theme. The writing involves and begins to weave a psychological plot besides the main action. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Thanks so much for "getting" this story. It really hasn't seen many eyes nor have many eyes seen it so she's a bit scared to be out in front of ANYONE. Really appreciate your comments. Thanks millions. -Susan :)

A story that shows coming of age knows no age and that family is never perfect but they are family and all we have. Friends come and go but family is constant. There is a mystery that pervades the writing as you really feel forEuly. It flows and you forget how far you've read because you want to stand with Euly as she searches for the truth. Wonderful

A story that shows coming of age knows no age and that family is never perfect but they are family and all we have. Friends come and go but family is constant. There is a mystery that pervades the writing as you really feel forEuly. It flows and you forget how far you've read because you want to stand with Euly as she searches for the truth. Wonderful

Susan,

I found this to be very engaging. It can use a little more polish but I like the style and pace. Also, the strangeness of the opening scene, the perspective and little mystery kept me interested. Good show.

Backed. Hope you can give me some feedback as well.

Cheers,

Dustin (Dreamland)

An awesome prolouge that engages us from the first word. C W

A story that is unwinding at its own pace, very nicely. As other readers have noted, I believe the prologue works very well for this story. This is a book one could easily get lost in. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

How dear of you to say such lovely things. Thank you from my heart. -Susan

The last para. of your pitch is very unusual and touching and gives an idea of the depth of your imagination.
The prologue is excellent. Your prose is expressive and full of feeling and unlike lesser writers, without the tone of self-pity which can make such subjects unreadable.
I can't imagine you ever falling into that trap. backed. lynn

The last para. of your pitch is very unusual and touching and gives an idea of the depth of your imagination.
The prologue is excellent. Your prose is expressive and full of feeling and unlike lesser writers, without the tone of self-pity which can make such subjects unreadable.
I can't imagine you ever falling into that trap. backed. lynn

Ooo. Good to know, doc! Thanks for the welcome. I have broken up my pitch a bit better upon the suggestion of another member. I'd love your comments on it. Only if you have time, of course. Anyway, again, thanks for commenting! -Susan

Welcome aboard, Susan. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch needs to be written; this is just all TELL and no SHOW. The long pitch needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with a question. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

I'm happy you think so. I really had to rack my brain on separating it as a prologue or not because of all the negativity on the subject. I guess the rule of thumb is this: if the scene actually fits somewhere in the story - don't use it as a prologue. If the scene does NOT fit somewhere in the story but RELATES to the story somehow, use it as a prologue. And, because there are no other instances of this look back within the story, I prologued it! Thanks again for your comment. -Sus :)

A wonderful prologue sets up your story well, some say prologues don't work but I beg to differ here.

Brilliant descriptions and narrative voice makes this a must read.
Happily shelved
Melxx

Thanks so much! Checked out yours too. Wonderful! -S :)

A wonderful prologue sets up your story well, some say prologues don't work but I beg to differ here.

Brilliant descriptions and narrative voice makes this a must read.
Happily shelved
Melxx

Thanks so much for your opinion about the cover AND about breaking up my pitch into paragraphs. Much better. Appreciate it! -Susan :)

OMG your book cover is the very thing that would get me to pick it up. CONGRATS your pitch I have a suggestion, one that was given me and it really helped me. Consider putting paras in . It gives the impression it is a long pitch, which it is not, it is a very good pitch, but the more readers you get to read the better. Just a suggestion. What a well crafted book, with such drama being out played by your vivid characters. I thought your premise was going to me like many others but you capture an essence and a truth that you portray excellently. CONGRATS ON A REALLY GOOD BOOK. ......my book is of a different genre, but that is the beauty of this site...If you would review 'The Letter' and give your 'comments' and 'backing', I would appreciate it. and BEST of luck.

Denise
The Letter

OMG your book cover is the very thing that would get me to pick it up. CONGRATS your pitch I have a suggestion, one that was given me and it really helped me. Consider putting paras in . It gives the impression it is a long pitch, which it is not, it is a very good pitch, but the more readers you get to read the better. Just a suggestion. What a well crafted book, with such drama being out played by your vivid characters. I thought your premise was going to me like many others but you capture an essence and a truth that you portray excellently. CONGRATS ON A REALLY GOOD BOOK. ......my book is of a different genre, but that is the beauty of this site...If you would review 'The Letter' and give your 'comments' and 'backing', I would appreciate it. and BEST of luck.

Denise
The Letter

A wonderful prologue sets up your story well, some say prologues don't work but I beg to differ here.

Brilliant descriptions and narrative voice makes this a must read.
Happily shelved
Melxx

Welcome aboard, Susan. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch needs to be written; this is just all TELL and no SHOW. The long pitch needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with a question. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Susan, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

You have a fine book. You have handled this professionally and the details pour out expertly. Your prologue needs a little editing I think. The ideas are just a tab repetitive. Or is it me, but you probably mentioned the fact that the brother pushed his sister twice.

Nice read and this is a best seller

backed

DROWNING
Every family has secrets. A lot of them are revealed when someone dies. This story has a unique twist in that Euly’s mother is dying but she’s not revealing any secrets – so Euly has to set out herself to discover them. She’s a good main character; likable and sympathetic because she deserves to know the truth about her family. Makes this a good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Welcoe and good luck. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Dear Susan, I love how your heroine delved into the truth & everything came out okay in the end. :) Your pitch & prologue were very well done - enough to set the hook for me to read your book. :) You created interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)