The Bridge and the River

Gripping and engaging. A powerfully dramatic fantasy. Plausable characters. Excellent character development. Great blend of action, dialogue and narrative. Awesome plot. Effective world building. Impressive writing. A riveting read. Backed.

Yea, Zoe! You keep climbing up the stairs. Enjoying your work.

blessings,
jim

Hi Zoe,

You have really captured Mary's sense of grief, which really pulled me into your story. She is a strong character that is easily identifiable with. A good mix of fantasy and normality.
I can see this doing well!
Backed
Sam (Fallacy)

Hi Zoe
This is a great story and you handled the way Mary handled her brother's death very cleverly. The writing is nicely visual and you made it easy for me to picture the scenes. You have managed to put a positive spin on a family tragedy and offer real hope whilst entertaining the reader with your fascinating storyline.
DP Walker
Five Dares

I read the first two chapters and this is one of the best descriptions of loss I've come across.
Your writing in these chapters is such, that I forgot I was reading, I was feeling Mary's pain.
Karien - A Bird in a pram

My firt thoughts were that she was just a pain in the backside until i discovered her twin had died and it all made sense. Your imagery is excellent and I like your charachterisation of Red. Then the diving from the bridge takes us to a different place and we question where she is. Is she drowned? is she dreaming? Is this really Oliver? I found your story engaging and would happily have read more. A few nits... your use of had it slows your story to past tense when you are tying to move it on.. She had closed her eyes, blind to the heavy floral patterns etc -She closed her eyes,blind to the heavy floral patterns. Maybe one of them could tell how he had spent a week sleeping. Maybe one of them could tell how he spent the week sleeping. I can comment on this because I over used HAD and THAT in my book. I did a search and find and removed over 400 and it improved my book so much. I hope you find this usefull I certainly enjoyed your story. I lked your description a rasin of a woman and ropes of veins, very good. Best of luck.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Your pitch is fabulous and really quite provocative. The writing doesn' t disappoint, either. She's quite a piece of work, your Mary. I love that your writing made me feel unbalanced, unsure, and that this feeling probably mirrors Mary's world now that her brother has gone. I like that you ease us into the story and what has taken place, instead of dumping it all at once. This shows great presence and great patience on your part. I would do away with the curse words--I know that YA is pretty edge these days, but I think it's too much. It would limit your audience, in my opinion. Great hook at the end of Chapter 3, really this is just so well done that I found it hard to tear myself away. Happy to back this--wonderfully done.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

THE BRIDGE AND THE RIVER
Zoe Zedlak

This is a fascinating premise. I read through chapter 4 and intend to read full on through 16. It's listed as complete and so perhaps the chapters are long to make the length. Seems like a rather short word count but I will be happy to read it all. I really need to see what happens to Mary. Did you change her last name at some point in the early chapters? Maybe I am confused about that.

I like your style of writing. Mary seems like a typical teen and unfortunately, uses language that most use these days. The adults she encounters on the other side do not seem to be too bothered by it, but I found it rather embarrassing.

I am happy to back this story. The mystery over what is taking place is intriguing and I am eager to learn where you are going with it.

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

I liked the snappy pace of the dialogue in this story, taking me further into this other world. I haven't read all of it, but will when I find a little extra time. Backed.
Bill Long
Timecrack

Zoe I read this whole wonderful story, your imagination and orginality is wonderful. Your descrpitive writing brought this story to life. It has moments of tension and intrigue while still have a fragikity about it.

Your MC"s are so wonderful and the dialogue so natural and believable, but more importantly it is relatable.Often i order to face our demons we put aside our fears and doubt and give into the nagging voice which tells us it is a necessary evil in order to get to the answers we seek.

I must say the ending surprised me and as not to give it away I will email you my thoughts on that. There is no doubt that you have a real talent for storytelling and you should be proud of this accomplishment Backed with Pleasure Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Hi Zoe,

I found your characters believable, particularly Mary. Good use of dialogue, too.

Chap 1.
“What(,) dear?” Added a comma for direct address.

Chap 2.
“Oh, honey,” she said softly(.) “Don’t even worry about it… wouldn’t expect – (“) I replaced the comma with a period because you started the second part of the dialogue with a capital D. Also, the quotation mark at the end is facing the wrong way.

I like your writing style. It flows smoothly and was easy to read. A great start. I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve read so far.

Shinzy :)

I can relate to your main character Mary, she is very real, great writing style, easy read, well done, good luck with your novel.
Christina
Althea's Magical Journey's

This has the promise of being a great story. Mary is such an honest and normal character, the reader can't help but feel like we know her and can identify with her emotions. Her character is very well-defined. You have an interesting and descriptive writing style. Enjoyed what I have read. Backed.

This has the promise of being a great story. Mary is such an honest and normal character, the reader can't help but feel like we know her and can identify with her emotions. Her character is very well-defined. You have an interesting and descriptive writing style. Enjoyed what I have read. Backed.

Great mystery set up with a lot of grounded characters that act and feel normal. The emotional stuff is very powerful. Very well written so far.

Great mystery set up with a lot of grounded characters that act and feel normal. The emotional stuff is very powerful. Very well written so far.

Hi Zoe, You’ve captured Mary’s mood and her grief. The outset and Oliver’s having been so many places tells how absent he was before the final absence – and that he occupied her thoughts. The morbid canisters and Mary’s walking out on Aunt Helen are strong pulls. Loved the pool scene. Red’s being there is like a detour of the synopsis, another scene that makes me want to turn the page. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I love the title, genius and the cover is stunning. The opening is brilliant, I love the dry, almost sarcastic tone. You writing is excellent and very easy to read with an excellent pace. Backed with great pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Your opening shot me right back to my time in the airport (Hmm).
I think you have a great style of writing and you are a master wielder of hooks.
You have a very intriguing plot developing. – Good luck!

Zoe,

I read three chapters, which takes me right to the hook--and it's a good one.

This is a well structured story with familiar elements combined in a way that works well.

Pacing, narrative, action and dialogue are all well handled. Little to quibble about here.

Backed with pleasure.

Hmm, this has an interesting start, but I admit to losing sympathy with Mary when she talks back to her mother in that manner. However, I do want to know what’s going on, so I’m into Ch 2. This is intriguing.

I liked your pitch so I backed your book - perhaps you could have a look at my books thankyou and goodluck !

This was a great book, I really enjoyed the whole thing. I thought it was clever how you left a few questions in the air at the beginning. A few of them being: Who is this? Who is she talking about? What happened to him? Then slowly without answering those questions directly, you eased the reader into figuring out the answers, which really helped understand how she really feels at that time in the book. I look forward to future writings by you, awesome work!
- I put this one on my bookshelf. = )

James

Hi Zoe
I have read the first three chapters and I am hooked. I have never come across so many unanswered questions in such a short piece of prose. I will read more later and comment further when I have completed the book.

Backed

Phil
Danny Murphy.

Great stuff here...it definitely draws the reader in!

Backed
Marissa
By Flame's Light

Zoe, this is very intriguing! 26 black canisters? Her ? brother? Questions and curiosity, what a way to drive the reader. Dialogue sounds real, descriptions are good (aunt’s papery fingers clamped onto her wrists) and I was eager to go on to chapter 2.
A nit on the first par, you change from second to first person near the end. It jarred me and should be corrected. I figure you must have missed this somehow in the edit. I presume she is talking to herself, as this happens later in the chapter. It should be italicized or put in ‘...’. There are one or two people in this world who say there should never be italicizing, but honestly, you need to differentiate a person speaking to herself from the ‘voice’. Later on, you do italicize in the par that starts with “As she trudged...”, and it’s much better.
Because your writing is so good, I jumped to chapter 12, and sure enough, it’s just as exciting. I’ve had 5 good reads in 5 days on authonomy, and this is extremely rare. I’m happy with the quality here, can find next to no writing mistakes, and like how it flows. Even your intro of what things were not attracted me immediately. Well done.
Backed of course.

Paul ( www.pauldaytonscifi.com )

We’ve Seen the Enemy

Hi Zoe. I was immediately drawn into poor Mary's world. The story is written in a very straight forward manner and reads fluently.Apart from the fantasy which is well done, there's plenty of emotion, important for YA. A dramatic book.
Best wishes,
Scott.

Hi Zoe. This is a really engaging read. Mary is a strong main character, whose emotional anger at losing her twin brother really brings this alive. The family she meets after jumping in after Red and their resemblance to her family, especially Oliver, make this a page turner. Brilliant concept and well written. Backed and best of luck with this! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

Great descriptions. Good pace. I'll read more, but my problem is I don't like Mary. I'm hoping I can get to like her soon, because everything else about this book is terrific.
Kirby McCord
Cemetery Ridge

Strangely I didn't think I'd like this book. Particularly Mary, however, as I read further into it I couldn't stop. I found the work fascinating and well worth the read. A few typos yes, but nothing a good editor couldn't sort out.
Keith

This is completely fascinating. wonderfully engrossing. I have read the first two chapters sitting on the edge of my chair, and must read more. Congratulations on such fine writing! Backed . Best regards, Jedward (Knut)

Like it. You might want to have a look at your opening paragraph. Grammatically speaking there are some issues there, although they don't detract from the story telling.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

This is promising to be a great read! Backed on the strength of your first chapter, but I wii definitely be back for more.

The cover is quite stunning Zoe, I started reading this a little time ago and have just completed my read. Your pitch is really good in that it takes me to open the book, just a thought to put a para after ' brother it took from her' and start a new one 'After fleeing the funeral' just a thought as there are those on site who may consider it long when it is not. This is not my genre but I am so glad that I am taking the time to enter others as this is a gem that I may not have read had I not. You are obviously a seasoned writer as your work is well crafted with a flow and intelligence that smacks of a published author. Your characters are created with a vocabulary that uses a paint palette, and they outplay your story to perfection. CONGRATS with this lovely read, BACKED as it is a worthwhile read also.......My book is of a different genre but that is the beauty of this site, and if you could 'review' and 'comment' and BACK it I would be so happy. again BEST OF LUCK with your book

Denise
The Letter

This is a very rich example of YA fantasy fiction. Mary is such a wonderful character and I really enjoyed the effortlessness of your prose. It flows beautifully with just the right combination of dialogue and description. Intelligently written, yet never pretentious, I imagine this would be pitch perfect for your target audience. The only line I had an issue about was in Chapter three - 'The bridge was never as high up as Mary thought it was going to be.' Now just say that out loud and you'll see it doesn't really flow. Lovely end to the chapter though. I wish you all the best with this and with a fine polish this could do very well.
Carl
The Time Hunters

This is well written with some quite remarkable similies and details. I'm very happy to back this.
BADD

Zoe

what an excellent peice of work you have managed to create and I want to back it immediatly

Sincerley
Brendan
The Russian Hat

Hi Zoe, apart from the 'fjord', I really enjoyed your story and read three chapters. I was so relieved not to find a hidden vampire that I forgot about it's YA genre, as they all seem to have at least four these days! Mary is great. She's real girl with real feelings and I liked the idea of her being 'transported' to a different place, where she can 'get her head together'. Excellent pitch, which really attracted me to your book.

Backed with pleasure,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Hi Zoe, apart from the 'fjord', I really enjoyed your story and read three chapters. I was so relieved not to find a hidden vampire that I forgot about it's YA genre, as they all seem to have at least four these days! Mary is great. She's real girl with real feelings and I liked the idea of her being 'transported' to a different place, where she can 'get her head together'. Excellent pitch, which really attracted me to your book.

Backed with pleasure,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Really interesting concept will appeal to young adults. You have many universal themes explored in the story. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

A fine beginning and intriguing first chapter.

richard

The opening device is a bit off, both in flow and logic, but afteward your voice is sound and the tempo improves. The library is about to close so i do not have time for a more detail comment today--but i will be back 2morrow if you would like more feedback. For now let me just say I enjoyed your first couple of chapers and wish you well. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think. goodluck with your manuscript.

cheers
blueboy

Joe,

I was enjoying the first chapter of a bookk I thought was going to take me away into a fantasy world of here and there. I believe you need to stop at this point and fix the fjord thing because everyone is going to have problems with it. Fjord appears in lots of crossword puzzles, so many know what it is.

I thn ran across the "f" word that just doesn't fit and blew my pleasant journey to bits. Sorry, but it's just not for me. Such a nice concept too. Now this is just a me thing. Many others out there will overlook it.

PawPaw Mike LaRiviere
Eden's Door

First, this fantasy begins in the real world with real people which I always think more exciting because there's the chance it might happen to me.
Secondly your narrative is excellent when you speak as the author and equally excellent when you give us the thoughts and feelings of Mary. Your settings are made real by detailed description ( the pattern on the mattress as she lies under the bed).
A book which I think would please a wide audience. When writing is good it appeals to all ages. backed. lynn

This is an amazing and drawing pitch, which promises a very unique story. I have backed this on the strength of your pitch, and will return to comment further once I have read your chapters.
Nicely done
Backed with pleasure
Helen

A very interesting read Zoe, your book has a lot of potential. Its well written and flows along nicely. Some of the scenes are very well described keeping the reader interested. The cover is brilliant by the way.
Its common knowledge that the first chapter is all important as regards whether a book will succeed or fail.
Yours is excellent and I back it. SHELVED.

I would be very pleased if you could find the time to have a look at my book.

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest)

Hi Zoe,
Looking forward to reading your book. Looks wonderful. Words flow, it is very visual. As a scriptwriter, I appreciate a good, visual read which speaks for itself. Wonderful!
Jim

I think you're a little confused a fjord isn't something you climb it's a body of water found in NORWAY not the Netherlands. Perhaps do a little more research and then your MS will shine at the moment there are a few factual errors in it.

Shelved for the potential of the writing.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Hi Zoe! I was inspired to read on after looking at your pitch. The idea grabbed me immediately and I was pulled straight into the story. In Chapter One, you appear to have a typo in the paragraph starting 'Mary stood there...' you say ropes of veings when I believe it should be veins?
Best wishes
Suzy

Intresting read!! You set the mood very well.. I am NO editor so as far as sentence structure I am not able to comment. But I like what I see so far. Backed>>