The Fall of Jasper McCaine

I am not much into crime stories (I would rather watch them in a movie) but I started this one and was caught up into it immediately. Very compelling writing. I am backing your book (but hoping it ends up on the big screen ;-) )
Teresa, Mary Magdalene; My Story

Hi Kevin,

Your pitch was enticing. I had to read it, even though I am not usually attracted to crime. Your writing is simple and flows well. Your dialogue, effective. Your characters, especially Jasper, created so that the reader identifies with his pain, and his persuit of his daughter's killer. A good premise and story, that sounds promising.

BACKED

Will be kind enough to take a look at God of the Cocoa, and let me know what you think? I would appreciated that. Thanks.

Best wishes and keep writing,
Marilyn

A very compelling tale. The pitch was enough to draw me in. A great, natural flow, showcases your writing ability. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

An engaging mystery with well rounded characters. Wonderful imagery. Crisp dialogue. Clever plot. Spot on storytelling. Brilliant writing. Backed.

THE FALL OF JASPER McCAINE
Excellent writing. Easy to read. You build the tension nicely in the first chapter, and whether you intended it or not, I had the feeling that Jasper was about to be released, and you cleverly turn it round to his just being a visitor - then I'm wondering what on earth he's going to do, having read the pitch. Then you begin to tell us in the next chapter what led up to that moment. Really clever stuff and a technique any author on this site could use. Your descriptive passages are so good. Your dialogue is spot on. Backed with pleasure (I have a feeling I did back this a while ago but am more than happy to do so again). Best of luck with this.
If you're able to have to look at mine, I'd be really grateful.
Adelina
A Distant Family

Good afternoon Kevin.
I first want to say that after reading the firsr 5 chapters of 'The Fall of Jasper McCaine, this has been one of the most enjoyable books I have read on this site for weeks! The premice has been used before to good effect, notably in a couple of movies, but does not take anything away from its use again.
I thought the ch1 in 1979, and then going back to 1959 to tell the story was also good and kept the reader interested. So I will be definately backing it, in the hope more people read it.

I would really appreciate if you could reciprocate and read some of my book . Its a childrens' book called 'Adventures of the Paperbats'.

Jerry [paperbat]

I love the premise the short pitch hooked me, writing flows pace is good, this will do well, just wonder if is bleak ending ;)

Kevin m. McGreer:

I read through chapter 3. It is clear that young Jasper is a true product of his father yearning desperately for his approval with his every decision. Even as he meets the beautiful Jennifer Daniels he struggles with the notion of whether or not he should even consider the service--but the underpinnings of his father's ghosts pulls him in - he surrenders.

You craft Jasper's character so artfully we can see how he becomes the individual whose ONLY purpose is to nail the individual who took away his precious gift--his daughter. At the end of Chapter 1 you leave us with a very good cliff hanger. We are wondering just what is in store for Jasper as he walks through that jail corridor.

At the end of Chapter 2 yet another strong cliff hanger taunts us. "Nodding, Jasper hugged him, sobbed once, and then passed out in his father's arms." This is powerful stuff; keeps the reader turning those pages. I only found one sentence that "to me" was unclear.

"His father wanted him to be downwind of the smell" (Unclear) I guess the terminology through me a bit. Having looked it up though I realize that it means: In the direction of the wind.

This is crisp, clean, detailed and edgy writing. You know EXACTLY what you are doing. Very fine stuff and happy to have backed this one.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

Kevin m. McGreer:

I read through chapter 3. It is clear that young Jasper is a true product of his father yearning desperately for his approval with his every decision. Even as he meets the beautiful Jennifer Daniels he struggles with the notion of whether or not he should even consider the service--but the underpinnings of his father's ghosts pulls him in - he surrenders.

You craft Jasper's character so artfully we can see how he becomes the individual whose ONLY purpose is to nail the individual who took away his precious gift--his daughter. At the end of Chapter 1 you leave us with a very good cliff hanger. We are wondering just what is in store for Jasper as he walks through that jail corridor.

At the end of Chapter 2 yet another strong cliff hanger taunts us. "Nodding, Jasper hugged him, sobbed once, and then passed out in his father's arms." This is powerful stuff; keeps the reader turning those pages. I only found one sentence that "to me" was unclear.

"His father wanted him to be downwind of the smell" (Unclear) I guess the terminology through me a bit. Having looked it up though I realize that it means: In the direction of the wind.

This is crisp, clean, detailed and edgy writing. You know EXACTLY what you are doing. Very fine stuff and happy to have backed this one.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

Kevin m. McGreer:

I read through chapter 3. It is clear that young Jasper is a true product of his father yearning desperately for his approval with his every decision. Even as he meets the beautiful Jennifer Daniels he struggles with the notion of whether or not he should even consider the service--but the underpinnings of his father's ghosts pulls him in - he surrenders.

You craft Jasper's character so artfully we can see how he becomes the individual whose ONLY purpose is to nail the individual who took away his precious gift--his daughter. At the end of Chapter 1 you leave us with a very good cliff hanger. We are wondering just what is in store for Jasper as he walks through that jail corridor.

At the end of Chapter 2 yet another strong cliff hanger taunts us. "Nodding, Jasper hugged him, sobbed once, and then passed out in his father's arms." This is powerful stuff; keeps the reader turning those pages. I only found one sentence that "to me" was unclear.

"His father wanted him to be downwind of the smell" (Unclear) I guess the terminology through me a bit. Having looked it up though I realize that it means: In the direction of the wind.

This is crisp, clean, detailed and edgy writing. You know EXACTLY what you are doing. Very fine stuff and happy to have backed this one.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

Kevin, Gripping stuff, the troubles Jasper went through for Jenny. Vividly written and engaging to read. The Vietnam war description in Chapter 4 is a thriller in itself.
Backed,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

I read the first two chapters of your story. This is a good book. Well written with a great premise. Backed. Lisa

Hi Kevin ( The Fall ofJasper McCaine )

This is an exciting read, well written and I'm sure you will receive a lot of support from fellow writers. BACKED

Frank James (The Contractor)

These are actually the most interesting crime novels. Reminds me of the old Elmore Lenard books when the protagonists had to actually use their own cunning to catch the bad guys. In this day of technology, it seems that cops "cheat" too much. Exciting read, and I"m glad your MC isn't a cop; readers want to see someone just like themselves going after the killer. Cops are supposed to catch killers, so there's nothing interesting about that. Good job having the ingenuity to plot this correctly. Backed.

Only time for a quick look--seems excellent. Your title, for some reason, hooked me in. Backed!

great premise. good writing.
j

I would totally read this. The feeling of being in prison is eloquently described (well what I imagine it to feel like... never been there myself) But I have while reading this book!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

Gripping, tight writing. Really like the idea of a pre-DNA hunt for justice. Backed.

Excellent read so far - great premise and realsitic characters and dialogue - easy to back this as it will do well here.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Great start. It's written well, captured my attention, raised questions and had plenty of tension. Nice. - Greta

Great concept and compelling reading.
Well done.
M J Webb
Jake West - 'The Keeper of the Stones'
www.jakewest.co.uk

hullo Kevin. What a good story. we should all seek the same, justice for all. Very good.Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Dear Kevin,
What an intrigue you have written! Your writing is quite intense. Searching for justice in small town USA - an exceptional challenge. Great stuff.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Great pitch and gripping story.
Backed with pleasure.

Dawn,
My Friends and Me / Sammy and the Wise Willow

Backed

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

I really got into the early chapters and wanted to keep on reading. I likely will tomorrow with coffee. I want to see this in the bookstore, buy it in fine hardback, and read it on a comfortable couch. Of course, first I'll need to get a comfortable couch, hey, but maybe the timing on both will work out . . . .

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

Hi Kevin, The early scenes are written with intensity while the characters are being revealed. The details of the prison setting and during the wolf attack pull right into the scene, causing concern for the man and the boy. What Jasper wants from the prisoner is certainly compelling. I was completely immersed. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I read the short pitch - it made me want to read the long pitch - which made me want to read the book. So your pitches are doing what they should and pulling their weight. Its a really inventive concept and I liked the first chapter. The moral questions posed in this novel ensure it doesn't go down the route it would in lesser hands and just have been gruesome, savage and ill thought out. I like it. Backed.

Chase

I was hooked after the pitch. Excited to read more. I wish you the best of luck.
Backed with pleasure!

Melissa Nielsen
The Guardian and the Book of Souls

The Fall of Jasper McCain

The pitch made me look at this as a book I would like to read. Chapter one stayed with the plot o the man going to prison and it was well dealt with as the third person narrative. Chapter two was stunning - I held my breath as the child, well 8 year old boy, faced the wolf and lost his finger tip. You writing here simply sets the age alight your description of sights sounds and smells are so visual. I think you will romp up the chart this is excellent.
Wilma1- Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare some tome to look at it

Similar in plot to Prison Break. I like your writing. I'm backing your book!

Great tilte and agreat book. I loved this and I really want to back it. This is wriiten beautiful.

BACKED

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat. I could sure use the lift.

warm wishes

Brendan

I really enjoyed this. It is smooth, professional writing and some of your similes work very well indeed. I am going to back you for this and wish you all the best. Love the cover too - it has a great gritty feel.
cheers
Karin

I really enjoyed this. It is smooth, professional writing and some of your similes work very well indeed. I am going to back you for this and wish you all the best. Love the cover too - it has a great gritty feel.
cheers
Karin

Good atmosphere. I liked your use of imagery. Quality writing, pace maintained into later chapters. Credible reactions from your characters.
Backed with real admiration
Lara
Good for Him
Twice Twisted

Can't be considered bland Jasper McCaines own apocalypse now, because seperating him and his dying daughter from the hospital she needs, hundreds of miles of prime acreage land. Land his late father had toiled on, land that was unyielding, land that was festooned with predatory animals. But there is nothing charismatic, charming or dolefull about 'The Fall of Jasper McClaine' its a hard hitting relentless portrayal of a man stuck hopelessly in the evil design, searching for good, but only finding tragedy, death and madness.
Super story written with aplomb because who is the boy, the man, its all in the title we suppose.
Brilliant stuff
Backed with Pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Kevin,
I've had you on my WL for a while and finally got a chance to read. You are an excellent writer-- I couldn't find anything to nitpik. Solid building of suspense-- your MC grabbed me immediately. I hope to read further-- this is a book I would curl up with and read in one sitting. Nice work and on my shelf.
Jan, Fringe of Darkness

The Fall of Jasper McCaine
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Iread all 13 chapters and could have easily kept reading to the end of the book. It's well written and the story is told in a way that is compelling.

Hi Kevin, This novel started off at a trot and by the time I got to this chapter it was running full tilt. Its action and mystery pack for the damn drug dealer from Chicago. I like the book. Will you be posting any more? I BACK the book! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

I loved this so much the first time I read it, I thought I'd add it to my shelf one more time. Simply, a fascinating story. I wish you the best with this.

Chapter ten –

Nice tear jerker. This chapter is seriously emotional and you did a great job at bringing that emotion to the foreground.

Nits – you talk too much about his stub of a finger, and I found it distracting. I mean a mention or two is fine, but go through and count how many times you do it in this chapter. I think you’ll be surprised. I feel that when you focus on something that much, it distracts from everything else, and this is such a powerful chapter, I hate to see that distract from it.

“You made me promise you to take care of her.” Reads strange. I’d try You made me promise I’d take care of her. Or something.

I’m not sure what you mean at the end, but I’m sure I’ll find out later. Be back soon.

Oh and I uploaded two more chapters.

Amanda

I like this. It's on the shelf.

Enjoyed the way you built the intensity. Story line sounds intrigueing. Detail is very good. Will read more of this for sure. Backing.
Tommy Davis
SCYTHE

This is a powerful, well written story. Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

Very powerful, well-written story. The first chapter really brings you in. I like the descriptive story of how Jeremy loses part of his middle finger. Time doesn't permit me to read to completion but this is definitely editor desk-worthy and publishable.

Happily Backed
Denise

Chapter nine –

Wow. Very powerful chapter. It was somehow ominous, even when he was on the tractor. I knew something bad was going to happen, and you did really well at foreshadowing the event without giving it away.

8:08 in the p.m. sounds weird. I’d do 8:08 in the evening or 8:08 p.m.

The doctor was truly sorry … that sounds trite to me. It lessens the impact on this. Even more so with the “So was he.”

Read over the last two paragraphs and make sure they are what you want here. This should be ended powerfully, but the long sentences don’t do that for me. They lose the momentum that this whole chapter has been steadily gaining. It was such an incredibly powerful chapter and I felt that those long sentences at the end stripped it of its power. Make sure they are how you want to end this.

Amanda

I like your premise for your book - a man willing to sacrifice everything to avenge his daughter's death. You write with passion and intensity making the story come alive. Your descriptive writing as well makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Chapter eight –

… he had kicked up dust … (followed shortly by) He had hitchhiked. Just calling your attention to the dual ‘he had’s.

… a kid from town who had offered him a ride after the man had gotten his stalled car started in front of the high school. What? I can’t figure out what you’re trying to say with that sentence. Oh I get it now, but it took me a couple times reading it. You might want to reword it.

Breaks my heart that an anti-war sentiment would cause our soldiers to fear wearing fatigues in their own country, but I know it’s happened, and in some places still does. Good job calling our attention to that, making the story more realistic and helping the reader feel the emotions of time as well as the soldier.

She fainted? Did he catch her? Did she hit the ground? A woman her age hitting the ground like that … yeowch. And nothing happens to her? Seems like he better catch her then. Maybe see some signs that she’s going down and get to her.

Great imagery as he’s preparing himself to see Jenny.

Okay you need a smoother seaway between him grinning like a fool to frowning. IMO, you need to rework that part so that it builds up tension. He’s all happy and excited and sits down and frowns? No. Give me something. You’re fabulous at imagery, paint me the picture. He gazed out into the moonlight. THEN something cold gripped him like icy fingers. OR something. He needs to feel whatever’s happening before he reacts.

Great chapter. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Amanda

You very cleverly manage to create tension in the opening chapters; this is an interesting premise and I think it should do very well.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry