Book Jacket

 

rank 857
word count 74086
date submitted 19.06.2010
date updated 15.07.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Romance, Crime
classification: moderate
complete

Denver Down

Beth Anne Wilkins

Bump! Then his plane went down into the trees.
Found a month later the destroyed plane with, seatbelt off and door open.
Joseph had disappeared.

 

Beware who may be watching you. Not all Boogiemen are found in children's closets or under the bed.

When Joseph's small plane took off from Denver he had two problems.

One he ran into a severe snow storm. Two a relentless stalker, whose goals were like a mad dog guarding his favorite bone, was on his tail.

Anne, lost heart when the plane disappeared.

Found later by hunters. No body, no blood and no trail of where he could be.

Then the blue envelopes started to arrive hand delivered without a stamp. "Tell no one," they said.

Anne walked through the snowstorm with a flashlight in one hand and a large butcher knife in the other.

Evil waited, his eye watching behind the motel curtain, what was going on he thought? They can't be looking for me, I am not who they think I am. I need a new plan, he told himself and walked out the door into the dark wooded back of the motel. He was very good at hiding.

Maybe the police were on to him? Did they know about the plane? About the other part too?

 
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tags

, chase money, crime, dog, fiction, kidnapping, love, mountains, mystery, plane crash, police, romance, snowstorm, suspense, thriller

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180 comments

 

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Battle Knyght wrote 154 days ago

No COMMENT.
BK

Red2u wrote 313 days ago

Love the tub scene! You had me believing someone was in there! Really enjoyed the first two chapters.
Red

Red2u wrote 313 days ago

Love the tub scene! You had me believing someone was in there! Really enjoyed the first two chapters.
Red

Neville wrote 472 days ago

Denver Down
By Beth Anne Wilkins

This is one of the best thrillers I have had the pleasure of reading on this site.
From the first page the reading becomes addictive, full of intrigue, compelling, you name it, this book has it all.
The skill of the author is there for all to see…great descriptive scenes that draw on the imagination of the reader.
Twists and turns throughout the book keep it flowing…all the while, making it difficult to put the book down.
The storyline is brilliant and well thought out, captivating it’s audience with the unexpected.
In my opinion, ‘Denver Down’ deserves to be on bookshop shelves…Great stuff!!
Pleased to give this book the highest star rating.

Kind regards,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – SERIES

SusieGulick wrote 473 days ago

How totally wonderful you are, Beth Anne!! :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have gold ******-rated your book :) - hope you've ****** 'd mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

AnnMarie80 wrote 504 days ago

Hi Beth
This looks like it could be a very good story. You have lots of ideas, but don't take enough care in setting them down. It needs a good copy edit - spelling, grammar, punctuation etc. You also have a lot of incomplete sentences. I want to be constructive because I think it is worth doing. Here are a few examples from the first three chapters:

Prologue 'When the first wing hit..' but you don't say what happened. I think you mean 'Then the first wing hit'
'The plane now looked like a rocket going in for a hit'. Rockets go up into space. I think you mean 'missile'
Chapter 1 paragraph 4 punctuation 'and when it was snowing like today and doubted,' The comma should be after 'today' not after 'doubted'
Chapter 2 Anne calls in sick to the hospital twice in one sentence after another.
Chapter 2 When the police officers are telling Anne what the woman and the realtor said about the empty house,
you don't put it in speech marks. Only direct speech. Same thing in Chapter 3 'Finally, he asked, "if she was having bad dreams about the accident?"' Either 'he asked if' which is reported speech and does not have quote marks, or 'he asked' and then you use quote marks for what he actually said, like "Are you having bad dreams."
Chapter 3 If Anne is working nights, how come she is not home in the day when the mail comes?
There are also spelling mistakes like jewelry (jewellery) and ally (alley).

I didn't read any more as I found it too annoying (I'm a bit of a fuss-pot). But do message me when you have tidied it up as I'd like to read more. Hope you'll read my book and make some good points.
Ann Marie
Flight of the Kestrel 1: Intruders

RonParker wrote 524 days ago

Hi Beth,

I liked this story better than your other book. There are still writing problems such as misplaced coomas and a few fragmented sentences. I also can't see why at the start of chapter one, Anne hasn't considered the dark house to be the result of a simple power cut.

I'm sure you can sort out these minor issues and end up with a publihable story.

Ron

Bill Carrigan wrote 544 days ago

Dear Beth, Me again--Bill--trying to back my old favorites. In case you kindly re-back "The Doctor of Summitville," I'm told we need to leave it on our shelf for 36 hours (24 + 12) to guarantee credit. For some reason, my PC still won't shelve books, so I'm working in libraries. I hope I've succeeded in backing your superb "Denver Down." Yours, Bill

The Nomad wrote 550 days ago

This is probably not the best read for the Nervous Flyer!
Although I enjoyed this, this could still go two ways for me: it could develop into a full-fledged thriller, which I would favour, or romance, which I wouldn't (that's just me).
Nevertheless, I enjoyed what I did read, the description makes the reader very aware of the Colorado landscape, and I would suspect that it's a great story all the same. Backed.

The Nomad

THE ISLAND EXPERIMENT

CR Harding wrote 557 days ago

Good story. Gave me a chill when the basement door opened and shut while anne was sleeping. Will continue reading...

Fontaine wrote 557 days ago

Beautiful cover and an interesting and gripping story. It moves along quickly, maybe a little too fast for me. There are some minor typos and edits to be done but overall well constructed.

Leonard Atkinson wrote 562 days ago

We need Rudolph's nose to smell this one out. A rolicking good yarn and one I enjoyed. Whose were those tracks in the snow?

Maplin Teach wrote 562 days ago

Denver Down.
Kids of all ages will enjoy this and some adults will be engrossed too. Lots of action, mystery and a whole gamut of extraordinary things going on. Very intriguing and I have to read on to find out what is going to happen!

Costas G Georgiou wrote 563 days ago

I like this. A very good read.

Costas G Georgiou wrote 563 days ago

I like this. A very good read.

Trevor H wrote 563 days ago

I will read this and pass it on to my children as it appears to be more their scene. Sound good.

Albert Billett wrote 563 days ago

This is different and I enjoyed reading a few chapters of this the other day. I meant to comment then but forgot - sorry. You have some nice words in here - fear like angry little spiders crawled over her body I can imagine this . Shiver!
This is intriguing and full of suspense and deserves a place on a top shelf. Backing this with pleasure.

Claude Bonanno wrote 563 days ago

I like it - a good read! The mystery of Joseph's disappearance is intriguing. Perhaps you could get into the action faster by skipping the prologue? It seems agents and publishers don't like prologues (I personally like them!) but I can see their point: prologues can be misleading. In this case, the prologue is about Joseph and then it takes several pages about some one else (Anne) before we realize Joseph was her fiancé. May be that little game of hide and seek with the reader is not necessary? I don't know, it's just a thought and I could be wrong...And again, many thanks for backing Strings of Madness...If you care to comment, I'd be very happy to read you!

Bill Carrigan wrote 564 days ago

Dear Beth Anne, My recent backing of "Denver Down" may have been too soon for recognition under the new system, so I'm re-backing it this evening. Does "The Doctor of Summitville" deserve a place among your list of Authonomy books you love? Wishing you the best, Bill

Bill Carrigan wrote 570 days ago

Dear Beth Anne, Thanks very much for backing "The Doctor of Summitville" and for your kind comments. In keeping with the new format, I've made a list of outstanding, publishable books that I'm pleased to support. "Denver Down" will be on my shelf starting tonight. Please note that "Annabella and Other Stories" now heads my books posted here. Maybe The Team noted how sadly it was neglected in third position. I hope you'll give it a look when you have time. Gratefully, Bill

maesecouogne wrote 576 days ago

Hi beth, thanks for the back. Sorry to take so long to get back to you.

Like your story; interesting start and quick suspense build up
It does, however require a fair bit of editing (as most work does). Spelling, punctuation and grammer all need some attention but these are mostl;y 'technical' corrections and the creative part of your work feels fine. I'm sure going over it all, rewrite where necessaryand a very good read will appear.
good luck and you hve my backing
Cheers

maesecouogne

JM Miller wrote 577 days ago

A strong beginning, with entry right into the action.

Backed

Wussygirl wrote 578 days ago

We're all here to help each other, so I know you won't take offence when I say that a quick edit will elevate this lovely piece of writing from the good to the outstanding. Having just edited my own book (no, it won't vanish unless you go below 10,000 words!) I can honestly say that.

Your prologue does need some attention ('When the first wing hit, the other ripped off, slowly...and 'Joseph openED the cockpit'), and so does the all-important end of your final (59th, not 60th!) chapter, as in: 'Could he have asked for forgiveness in the end, and BEEN granted peace from above?' - BUT the potential of this work is too great for me to complain about a few nits. Keep going, Beth Anne - you're worth it!

Andrea Rinke
Ginger the Gangster Cat

Natasha Vloyski wrote 578 days ago

Prologue and first chapter are oddly worded and repetitive. Needs a good editing. I couldn't get through the first chapter without gritting my teeth. I'm sure the story is a good one but this really needs to re-written with stronger visuals.

Cariad wrote 578 days ago

The pitch confused me a little by its wording, but it looked intriguing. I've read three chapters at the start, three in the middle and three from the end. First, a couple of typos:

chapter one - she WOULD never forget when the call came it....
chapter eight - comma after '.. the presence..' or a semi colon?
then, you put 'I hope that a wonderful surprise.....,' is this speech? if so, no speech marks. If not, then there is a tense change there.

In the last chapter - you have a comma after hurt '.. he was hurt, by........' which shouldn't be there.

Having said that - we all have some editing to do after all - I found the read very intriguing with lots of unanswered questions and a great suspense. The setting was well drawn, evoking the cold and the scenery, and the unanswered questions created a sense of unease and menace. I enjoyed the writing - it flowed well and carried its tale without losing step. I will probably go back to fill in the gaps in my reading because it was tantalising coming in and out at different points, but that's a very good sign isn't it, that I want to find out more now.
Cariad
STONES.

zrinka wrote 579 days ago

So very well writen and full of mystery keeps you coming for more. Backed and backed.

Deborah Aldrich Farhi wrote 580 days ago

Your writing alternates between quite brilliant and just a little untidy.. so I believe with some editing it can be absolutely excellent! Certainly the story is captivating and exciting right from the beginning!! Backing this!

Stark Silvercoin wrote 581 days ago

I enjoyed reading Denver Down quite a lot, and I rarely say that about most books. Author Beth Anne Wilkins has the skill of a professional writing weaving a plot that is both unbelievable and totally believable at the same time. Denver Down reads most like a mystery or thriller, but has romantic elements that are used well. I found myself wondering what really happened to Joseph, as main character Anne must have. The blue letters being hand delivered are just creepy. I felt like I was right there with Anne, trying to unravel this plot and give her guidance in her quest. I have no doubt that Denver Down will find a publisher one day and that I will happily pick it up in my local bookstore.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

gotiko wrote 581 days ago

I like your pitch

Backed.

Gabriel(It Goes On Forever.)

Mavrick wrote 581 days ago

Beth

I have had Denver Down on my list of promised reads since the middle of July, but have only just reached it. Apologies for the delay, but my list has grown and grown, and I've had trouble keeping up!!

I'm now trying to get through as many as possible, which means I'm not able to read as much as I would normally, nor can I comment as much as I usually do (for which, you may be grateful!). However, here goes.

I'm sure you are aware of the importance of a good start to a novel. This is why I have looked at the prologue and start of chapter one in some detail.

There are a number of typos, and some words that can be cut. It's always worth checking carefully for extraneous words. If you're not careful, they can slow the pace of the narrative.

Examples.

The 'Just' in 'Just one more hill' can be cut. It's one of those words I personally don't like using - another is 'nice'. There's nothing wrong with either, but I'd cut them where possible.

[The bump sound above his head, made him look up.]

Since you say he looked up, the 'above his head' is unnecessary, and I'd be incined to write,

[The thump from above and downward lurch of the plane, made him look up.]

This also enables you to tidy up the fourth paragraph

[What was the guy doing, Joseph thought?]

You are writing from Joseph's point of view, so we know who is thinking. Cut the 'Joseph thought'.

The fourth paragraph has awkward phrasing. If you change the earlier paragraph as I have suggested, you can now write,

[Unfortunately, the plane was now heading for the trees and the controls were not responding. Seemingly in slow motion it plunged towards the tall pines.]

However, the very first line of the prologue stated that the sky was a whiteout. Would he actually be able to see the trees, and would he know they were pines? Just a thought.

The following paragraph states,

[When the first wing hit, then the other ripped off slowing his decent.]

For a start, you mean descent, not decent, and the full stop leaves the reader expecting more. (When something - something, then something else happens.) And, presumably, since the plane looked like a rocket, both wings have been ripped off?

Try,

[Within seconds, they plunged into the forest losing both wings as they were ripped off the fuselage. Bizarrely, Joseph found himself thinking they must have looked like a rocket going in for the kill.]

Leave the reference to loss of speed until the last but one paragraph, where you mention it again.

However, this last but one paragraph doesn't quite make sense, partly because we don't know what kind of plane Joseph is flying, or what year/era this is.

It's not likely to be a jet (with a convenient ejector seat), since a helicopter wouldn't be able to keep up and 'land' on it. If it's a modern single-seater, or similar, there would be a door to open rather than a cockpit. If it's akin to a typical crop duster plane one sees in the movies, then there would be an open cockpit. Even if there is a closed cockpit, you need 'opened' rather than 'open'.

Whichever it is, I believe that opening a door or cockpit to escape is beyond credibility. The start of this paragraph implies that branches are continually hitting what's left of the plane. Surely a door or cockpit cover would almost certainly be hit, possibly badly injuring Joseph, or worse? And if it's not, I doubt that he'd be unharmed as he exits. Whilst remaining in the plane until it hits the ground might not seem a good idea, you could make it more believable. Possibly something like,

[As more branches caught the plane, so the forward pace slowed. That was good, but not quick enough, Joseph realised, but all he could do was put his head down and hope for the best. He was about to do just that (yes, I know I said I don't like 'just', but it seems right in this instance!!) when he noticed that, by some miracle, the craft was heading straight along between a row of trees. There were hundreds of branches in their path, but no trunks. Not yet. At that moment the fuselage bounced on a branch and shot up a short distance. The impact also brought the nose up and he noticed a clearing, dead ahead. There was snow on the ground. If the craft maintained the same attitude, he reckoned it might reach the clearing and, with luck, skid along the ground. And, if the snow was deep enough, he might actually get away with it. He watched the clearing approach, then ducked down, gritted his teeth and held his head as all hell broke loose. Then an awesome stillness, broken only by the sound of the helicopter moving away.]

Moving on to chapter one, I feel you need to clarify exactly what evaporated. I had to read this twice (not that that's necessarily an issue - the brain can work exceedingly slowly these days!). I'd suggest using 'yet the tiredness evaporate' and replace the full stop with a comma.

More extraneous wording at the start of para two. We know Anne is figuring something out. The 'Still puzzled' can be cut. And again, the 'lack of light' requires clarification. I thought you were referring to darkness outside the house. Why not, 'The house was in darkness, even though the automatic timer should have switched some lights on.'?

And - again - cut the 'waiting for her to come home'.

In the subsequent para, try 'in the vicinity' instead of 'sitting around her house', but also rephrase it. To me, it makes no real sense. Noticing something, she would react in some way, yet there's an unexpected reference to some of her friends. Similarly, in the next paragraph, the phrase 'and doubted (the comma causes more confusion) that both would happen at the same time', makes little sense. By 'both' I assume you mean the timer not working, and the porch light going off - or is this also on the timer. It's not really clear.

I'm going to stop there. In this chapter I think you're trying too hard to rack up the tension, but you are taking too long to do so and the narrative isn't quite clear enough. As a result, the pace falls away.

I believe there is good potential here, and I appreciate that you know a good edit is required. Hopefully, all this will help rather than hinder. I hope so anyway.

Best wishes,

Neil.

Colin Eston wrote 583 days ago

Dear Beth

Thanks for the backing.

I read some of Ch 1 of Denver Down and it shows promise. But many of your commentators pick up on the accuracy and I have to agree. Punctuation, sentence structure and spelling all need a fair amount of attention.

I also found your pitch slightly disjointed, and the typescript font difficult to read. It isn't yet submission-ready so I regret I'm not backing you at the moment. Sorry.

Yours

Colin Eston.

Peter Lynx wrote 584 days ago

Hi Beth
I can't really add a single thing here: you have a great title (that was what drew me even to reading the pitch), a perfectly sound plot, with appealing characters and you've certainly got pace and flow . . . but it does need going over once again. Essentially, I finished writing Double Action about four years ago - since then, it's been endless editing ever since. I've been editing it practically daily since coming on here in July, and somebody recently said, "Some thorough editing and this could be a good book." Fine, I ain't complaining, but I just wanted to emphasise that it's a real old job. I found printing it out and going over it one page at a time was much more effective than reading it as a book, as a completed manuscript. It's MUCH easier to say to yourself, 'Right, I'm going to make this page word-perfect', rather than 'this 300-page pile'. Just a thought.
Anyway, like I say - you're onto a good thing here for sure, and I wish you all luck with your continued climb to the top!
Peter Lynx
Double Action

Richard J. Dean Jr. wrote 586 days ago

Great pitch! Very believable story. Reminds me of a book I once read but can't recall the name. I may have to mosey back around and read some more of this later!
Thank you for the support for Twin Fates!
~Richard

pacwriter wrote 587 days ago

A good beginning and with a good plot line. Try reading each chapter aloud from a printed copy. You'll hear where to correct the wording.

Girly31 wrote 587 days ago

Hi Beth ann I have backed your book and looking forward to reading more about what happened to Joseph.

Runningwolf wrote 589 days ago

Hi Beth. This is a really good read with good strong characters and dialogue. There has been improvement since last I read and now just requires a good proof read. I have found that by asking three questions I have tightened up my novel. Does the reader need to know this? Does it drive the plot forward? And is it relevant to the story? If it doesn't tick all the boxes then delete. The only exception should be if the statement is explained later on. I have this problem of sticking in parts that do not seem to fit until later. After saying all that there is nothing seriously wrong, it just needs the tensioner turning up a bit

The sentence in the prologue that starts: 'The bump sound ...' I would write something like this: The plane lurched and his eyes were drawn upwards. Some crackpot was trying to land a helicopter on top of him.

I'm afraid if I was in that situation, I would not be wondering what he was trying to do. You may feel uncomfortable using bad language but if it is relevant, why not? I apologise for my pickiness, but hope I have helped. Backed. Regards. James

Beth Anne Wilkins wrote 590 days ago

Thank you for you kind words. I am working on the wedding anding more to that part and with the both of them in a kind of shocked stage it was had to add very much romance in some places. Beth Anne :)

Wild Mother Lightning wrote 590 days ago

Hi,

I really like the high impact narrative and action of this story, I have to say that it reads really well, nothing jarred for me at all, meaning that every sentence draws me deeper into the tale that you are weaving.
I did feel that the exchange between husband and wife could be stronger, it didn't seem to hit me with the same impact as the rest of the text. However, that aside I really enjoyed the story, and shall be back to read on...this one's staying on my watch list.

Thank you for your recent comments on my submission.

Natalie.

Su Dan wrote 592 days ago

an interesting story with interesting narrative. very readable book...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

HannahWar wrote 593 days ago

Hi Beth Anne, I think you have the suspense thing going really well and I'm sure you're a master at that. Here and there, I have a little difficulty with your sentences. At times, they sound somewhat staccato, too similar and they are rather short. But that may well be just me, I like variation in length and tone, which probably stems from my poetic background. And sorry I only had time for the first pages, when I'm better organized and more familiar with the site, I will try to come back to your books. OK? Greetings from Holland, Hannah

Cat091971 wrote 594 days ago

A lot of verb tense clashes make the reading choppy. With some tweaking, the flow would improve and this could be really great. Backed.

Cat
"Twisted"

Diana-Jane wrote 594 days ago

The first line of the first chapter is great!
A lot of people tend to judge stories from the first two paragraphs and I'm glad that I read past that, because you have something good here.

There a minor punctuation errors, but we're not all professionals here and I'm positive with thorough edit, it will do wonders and really tie everything together.
But definitely a good read. I'd love to read more. W.L :)

Cheers,
DJ.Berquist
http://dianajanesworld.webs.com

MY KILLER INTUITION.
FORBIDDEN BLOOD.

Clare Wiltshire wrote 594 days ago

I agree with the comment below, I was hooked by Chapter one of this story. Very well written and it builds well. Backed! Clare

chvolkoff wrote 595 days ago

Well, it is easy to be instantly hooked by this story, so well told, so precise in its descriptions, and Anne's feelings are so understandable and realistic. I had to stop reading, as I am at work, but this is the kind of book that would make me miss out on the rest of my life, as I could not put it down! Well done, and backed!

Ron Mitchell wrote 595 days ago

I enjoyed the story. There are several editing problems which we all have, but I would probably do an edit that would watch for incomplete sentences and punctuations. Overall, I liked the flow. I would change the fonts, but that is just me. Best of luck with this book.
-author of December Gold (Thanks for your support)

Jilli wrote 596 days ago

The story is good, it's got real potential but the writing is all over the place, it is very difficult to read at the moment. I found a writing course really helpful. Also if you read it to yourself and record it then play it back many of the problems will become obvious and you can solve them. good luck.

Lara wrote 603 days ago

Lots of mysteries here and the reader wants to find out! If you have uploaded everything now, time for a good scan through for typos, punctuation errors. There are rather a lot and you're inconsistent in your use of speech marks. This is a small moan, the plot and characters are far more important. It's a bit like the Jolly Postman in the beginning, but I am sure it gets far more sinister. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

nenno wrote 604 days ago

Backed for encouragement -interesting as your premise sounds, the writing is in dire need of a good edit. Perhaps if you can get a professional to do an edit and concentrate on the creative. FOUR BETTER FOUR WORSE

mscynthia wrote 604 days ago

Hi Beth,

Denver Down (Book 1) is very suspenseful. The love between Joseph and Anne was very apparent from the way she missed him so much! I say that is is suspenseful because I don't know at t his point (chapter 1), if Joseph is indeed still alive and keeps watch over Anne.

The events are heartbreaking because the plane crash happened days before their wedding.

Everything surrounding the crash has a shroud of secrecy draped over it, because there had been no sign of a struggle, yet Joseph's body was never found. I loved your down-to-earth prose -- it 's just very effective in telling this tale. Shelved.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories

StaKC wrote 606 days ago

Oh, and I forgot. Love the tile, it's catchy, which is important, and your cover is gorgeous.