The Brothers

This is a brilliantly detailed story. I've been studying the Crusades at an academic and personal level for the past twelve years and your sense of place and period is astounding and must have taken a huge amount of research. I'm looking forward to reading some more of this story and have no hesitation in backing it.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

You have done a fine job with this story. Once I read the prologue, I just kept reading fascinated by your writing style and your story telling skills.
The way you have captured the dialogue is masterful and your careful research shines through. For me, this is a 'must read' book and I've loved everything you have posted so far.
Some of your original thoughts are perfect, 'rising like cream to be skimmed.' superb.
I guess you still have to edit as we all have to so you might like to consider, in the pitch, I think 'safe' should be 'save' and in the first chapter 'planed' needs another 'n'
One other thought, the pitch tells us Rosamund was born in England and her mother died in childbirth so would she have a foreign accent? I may of course, have misunderstood something here.
Whatever, nothing robs this of great potential and I'm happy to back it. Margaret.

Historical fiction always seems daunting to me. Not only will you be criticised on your writing, style etc. you get a double slam because they will scrutinise your time period, descriptions and assess whether the characters would talk that way, act that way, walk that way (well maybe not the walk thingy) and then you are fighting on two or three extra fronts! So, you have my admiration for the project.

The writing is something I can assess and I have to say that you hit all the right buttons. Characters are believable, real and vivid. The dialogue carries its own tale and the narrative itself is paced beautifully. Although the romance thing is not something I would usually bother with you have constructed a tense set of relationships that play well in such writing.

BACKED

Shame you havent got a cover as it gives a taste of the book before we start. I only had chance to read two chapters so my comments are based on that. I really like hystorical fiction and you write it well. Your authentification lets us share the time, sadness and the way of survival the story threads through faultlessly. A pleasure to read.

Amelia Gail
A Date in the Diary

You have written this extremely well. The historial setting are excellent you draw a good picture. You give detail but not enough to make it a chore to read. I enjoy historical fiction and I could happily read past the three chapters I have read so far. I feel you may have spent a lot of time resercing this and it has apid off for you.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

An evocative historical romance. Endearing, energetic characters depicted with skill and keen observation. Natural dialogue that evokes the era. Intense narrative. Vivid sense of place. Compelling storyline. Impressive writing. A compulsive read. Backed.

Very interesting. Well written.

Suz

I think you have a very interesting story to tell and a lovely way of telling it. I agree with the person who said forget about your prologue. It's rather boring and I think the needed information can be worked into the story. Chapter 2, on the other hand, is beautiful. Go with it as your hook.

Fascinating read. Authentic voice which you don't always see in historical novels. From the synopsis it is going to develope into a worthwhile book.
But reconsider the prologue. I don't think you need it, I think it gets in the way. All the information it contains can be introduced later in the narrative, giving you a smoother, straight in, start. Think about it.

Another great book. Well done. Backed with pleasure. Eunice The Temple Dancer and The Poetic Voice of Soul.

Pride.........Great sense of story and writing--especially the dialogue. Backed with best wishes.........Frank

Pride. Just seen your novel, and the prologue hooked me. Reading the first few chapters. Will write tomorrow with a more detailed comments. But in the mean time I am backing it.
I would appreciate you looking over and commenting on my childrens' book. Is it worth backing?
Jerry - paperbat

Hi Pride, what a great idea for a novel. I just love historical fiction, especially when written in this easy, strong style. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Very interesting, different and unique. Well written. Backed.

I would greatly appreciate your perusal of a chapter or two of Finding Little Big Foot, and your backing (of course) if you think it is deserving.

Best wishes with this--a rather difficult work to write I suspect!

Historical fiction always seems daunting to me. Not only will you be criticised on your writing, style etc. you get a double slam because they will scrutinise your time period, descriptions and assess whether the characters would talk that way, act that way, walk that way (well maybe not the walk thingy) and then you are fighting on two or three extra fronts! So, you have my admiration for the project.

The writing is something I can assess and I have to say that you hit all the right buttons. Characters are believable, real and vivid. The dialogue carries its own tale and the narrative itself is paced beautifully. Although the romance thing is not something I would usually bother with you have constructed a tense set of relationships that play well in such writing.

BACKED

This is a brilliantly detailed story. I've been studying the Crusades at an academic and personal level for the past twelve years and your sense of place and period is astounding and must have taken a huge amount of research. I'm looking forward to reading some more of this story and have no hesitation in backing it.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

Great story, wonderfully researched and a pleasure to read.
Alison Butler

The heart of this tale is a love story, although flawed, a love story nonetheless. In the opening, you do a nice job of setting things up. The characters jump right in exposing their insecurities and hopes. That makes a great novel.
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Dear James,
You have a well written book that seems slightly old fashioned. The dialog especially is quite formal, almost like a Bible story. I think that is your intention, so I have no critique of it. Nice job!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

And of course Pride this as well
I believe we will get to know you in the book stores by the signature
of your book covers not just your name
What a good book.
I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished.
I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Great story and so elegantly told. I loved it! Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid (also an histoical novel: I'd love to know what you think of it!)

This is real traditional 'story telling'. it takes patience and some work on the part of the reader, but the rewards are amazing, well done, Maggie P.

I was excited to read after the pitch. very well written. This is a great story. best of luck.
Backed!

Melissa Nielsen
The Guardian and the Book of Souls

You have done a fine job with this story. Once I read the prologue, I just kept reading fascinated by your writing style and your story telling skills.
The way you have captured the dialogue is masterful and your careful research shines through. For me, this is a 'must read' book and I've loved everything you have posted so far.
Some of your original thoughts are perfect, 'rising like cream to be skimmed.' superb.
I guess you still have to edit as we all have to so you might like to consider, in the pitch, I think 'safe' should be 'save' and in the first chapter 'planed' needs another 'n'
One other thought, the pitch tells us Rosamund was born in England and her mother died in childbirth so would she have a foreign accent? I may of course, have misunderstood something here.
Whatever, nothing robs this of great potential and I'm happy to back it. Margaret.

The Brothers.

A controlled, well thought out story line. Gaps in historical accounts engender the what-if, and The Brothers is superbly topical, allowing contemporary issues of polarization to surface through the reading. The story line validates the logic of the imagination. You have, to a large extent, rounded off what Scott started.

It even reads like an old tale, or ballad, at the beginning, perhaps an archeologist reading a parchment found in a jar. The subsequent change of narrative voice is distinct, and skillfully managed. Interspersed literary conventions of the heroic tale — conscious or natural, are balanced and contribute to the plausibility of the story.

To err is human, to forgive, divine. Please, make peace with the anal teachers of your schooldays, work out the grammar and punctuation, increasing the acceptability of your work and the chances of finding it a home, and benefiting thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands of people with your gift of story-telling.

Backed.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

This is a strong work with polished charcters and diolouge that compel us to keep reading. C W

I agree that your text would benefit immensely from editing...some of the dialogue is a bit drawn out and tends to ramble...more like the voice of a narrator. That said, there is much to praise here and I've no doubt that it will continue to do well
Best wishes
Stewart

good historical novel. this period is specifically interesting, and you tell well. on watchlist...
read SEASONS///

Your story telling is bold and well imagined. A few small things spoil it for me; there is some repetition that could be removed (e.g. 'sat' in each of the first 2 sentences) and, for me, you over use dialogue modifiers and the words 'had' and 'the' (e.g. 'the wise Ayoub could just be 'wise Ayoub). Overall it is a promising effort and the kind of thing I would read.

Best wishes,
Linton

This is intrigueing told as it is in a voice of olden times, You don't get many novels with this kind of voice, the last one I read was, The Alchemist, a wonderful novel I know you would enjoy and of course a best-best-seller, so I know there are a great many people that enjoy being told a story like this with hidden messages. This is a literary work in a class of its own. Very glad I backed it, love Mary.

Backing on you excellent pitch, will take a dip into this soon and give feedback, love Mary

If I were you I would stop worrying about the grammar and spelling but I would look at breaking up a couple of the long paragraphs right at the beginning . It well make your story flow better. You are indeed a good story teller. Your descriptive and imaginative writing makes your work a pleasure to read.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi, I have looked at both your titles and have read the synopsis. You have a very good and easy to read style and the subject of this one is very close to my heart as I have spent several months in Damascus and Syria in general. I have backed it. Good luck - the book deserves to rise quickly. I would be grateful if you could take a look at my book "Personal Effectiveness" and if you've got time let me have some feedback. Kind regards, Greg

You have a very good book here well written. I notice though that it could use a few punctuation changes such as ( ; ) when useing continuation of speech instead of a comma and speech again. Saying that its an excellent book and should go far. I Back it. SHELVED.


Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest) would be very pleased if you take a look.

WOW Pride what a book. I started reading this a while ago and it is soooooo good. Your pitches are perfect . I will carry on reading and get back to you

Denise
The Letter

I enjoyed the read--it was impressive and had a strong narrative thrust. The short sentences and snappy dialogue gave it an authentic feel. I loved the themes, metaphors, and suspense
It reads like a winner and I wish you the best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I like both of your books, well done. Best of luck with them. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Very nice ~ Melinda James

THE BROTHERS
What is better than a rivalry between brothers over a woman? I like historical fiction as a category and this story has a special appeal because of the love triangle. A mark of it is the writing style: clear and concise; enough detail explained to make scenes clear, not so much a reader feels bogged down in historical detail. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt) .

I like your title, simple but effective and the whole idea for this is excellent, twin brothers loving the same women, very comment I suspect. I also like the fact that this set in the 12th century, guaranteed it a place on my list. The opening is incredible and has a great authority to it. It sets the scene very well and tells the reader what they need to know. Your writing has a great deal of eloquence to it and this was a joy to read. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Dear Pride, I backed your other book 34 days ago - this one is written just as well with nice crisp paragraphs & dialogue - great job with a historical setting. :) I like most of all that there is twins in you story because I'm a twin. :) Could you take a moment to back my 2 memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)