Inner Strength

Very romantic what i would call rather too intemate and feels invasivse to read. very weel written though . Affaiirs, intemacy, marriage , dissapontment.

I am sure I read this before but apparently you have edited the shit out of it because it seriously shines through now better than ever. Shelved and starred. Skater

Definitely draws the reader in, wondering how Charlie got from there to here. And the writing seems assured and the structure well thought out. In terms of more helpful feedback, I may - or may not - have spotted more than one instance of the word 'deft' within a short space. But that's about it! And I thought the 'pint of Guinness' comparison was brilliant - a real ice-breaker moment. (I'd really like to back this as I think it deserves support but my shelf is choc-a-block at the moment. So in the meantime I'm recommending it to my girlfriend, who's also on here...)

Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

The prologue certainly gets you right into the story’s agenda, which is something missing from a fair few other books I’ve read here. The technique of multiple narrators took some getting used to, but it does works well here, like cross cutting in a film. I especially liked the contrasting viewpoints of Zoe and Paul and the politics of their affair.

I was interested to see at what point the prologue would figure in the ongoing story, and whether it would resemble the prologue of Goodfellas (the Billy Batts scene) in being its pivotal point. Indeed it is, and Charlie head off into new realms. Very promising, I’ll return to read more.

You backed me by surprise so I decided I should return the favor and read your book. Wow, so much sex. So much sexy, sexy sex. But there's a touching story behind all that sex, and I'm glad I was open to reading it. I think the sex scenes are very compelling and the entire book is pretty well written, though there are of course a few typos here and there. Now I'm off for a cold shower!

Andrew,

I've just read the opening chapter posted here. I really like the way you've put this together, with the gay sex and straight sex scenes (both wonderfully well-handled, I might add) running into each other. The different POV's are an excellent way to add layers to your story, too, and a shift in narrative voice, likewise. The writing here is thoughtful and compelling and of high-quality, polished and hugely readable, and there's so much to grab the reader's attention, making them want to read on. More than happy to give you my backing.

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

Hi Andrew - I promised a read and I always deliver but man oh man is this not my genre. Don't get me wrong - I just like children's books :)
But, content aside:
Your cover page could be racier to attract those who seek out this genre, and your pitch could convey a lot more excitement, intrigue and coyness. I can tell you've edited the story and been over it a bunch so I can't tell you anything about spelling or grammer, and I'm not even going to try to touch on content, but if I can make one suggestion: I find the most likeable (and sell-able) characters usually have more...human?...voices than the narrator. There's nothing wrong with first person narration, but it seemed a little too formal for me. But that's just my opinion and you may disagree.
Your book is doing well in the charts so you've got a good thing going. Good luck!

Hi. Interesting read. I only had time to read short passages, enough to like and back it. I’ll try to come back for more and a in depth commentary. Tell me which chapter you would like me to pay close attention to?
Meantime, could you please check TO KILL A DEAD MAN?
Thanks.
Dan

Chapter 8 onwards, these are the chapters that follow Charlie in his new life and are the most interesting. It goes up a notch at the start of Part Three when Charlie meets Liam.

Hi. Interesting read. I only had time to read short passages, enough to like and back it. I’ll try to come back for more and a in depth commentary. Tell me which chapter you would like me to pay close attention to?
Meantime, could you please check TO KILL A DEAD MAN?
Thanks.
Dan

Strong stuff. VERY realistically drawn characters. This is lifted above erotica by simple narrative device of Zoe's pov. Will be backing when space available. Well done

Hi Andrew, this is very well written and the first chapter sets the scene for Charlie's turmoil to come extremely well. For me the opening sex scene, as someone who doesn't normally read erotic fiction, gay or otherwise, proved a bit of a barrier. The sex definitely has it's place, but maybe not having it right at the opening might encourage a wider range of readers to get in to the book. However it was a very high-impact opening and I see from some of the other comments that it worked very well for other people, so please feel free to ignore my views! One very minor point: you refer to Charlie having "site" of the bathroom when I think it should be "sight". All the best, Philip

Backed..... :0)

I collect gay romance and gay erotica and I'd add Inner Strength to my collection in a second. Much enjoyed reading. Loved the ending. You'll be getting a turn on my shelf.

Inner Strength is written intimately (as close a POV as one can ever achieve) and the narrative shows the author's exceptional talent. Because this is a book about sexuality, it opens with contrasting (and in some ways complementary) sexual scenes. What I find interesting is, through Charlie's POV and then Zoe's, there is much more to the story that sex. Charlie is a man who is going through a self-identity journey. I don't think it's one he chose, but the circumstances of his life have taken him to this place. The first scene with Charlie and Phil has that "first-time" feel to it - the not-knowing, the questions, and the discovery. The scenes with Zoe, first from Charlie's POV and then from Zoe's as they are trying to conceive a child is fascinating, too, and both sides to this story have a clear emotional tone. I am able to know this couple quickly, and I have a hint of the complexity and difficulty of their love lives and their lives in general as Zoe is unable to conceive. Excellent work that deserves high stars.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

INNER STRENGTH,

dear Andrew,
This is a bold book. The pitch is perfect. First chapter puts us there.
I have starred this book. It waits to go on my shelf.
Backed with confidence.
A Zoomer

Inner Strength

The story opens with a massive punch, the sex scene with Phil and Charlie. I did feel the use of the correct anatomical terms for body parts a bit unlikely, but then as Charlie is not so good in bed as Paul, maybe he would think like that? It’s a nice idea for a structure, we know Charlie s going to turn gay, and so the gay reader wants to read on, through the straight sex. With the changing narration, maybe you could focus the attention on Paul, rather than Zoe during the sex? That way you will carry the gay reader. I found the scene where Zoe was flat on her back on the kitchen table a bit much. It must be a challenge getting the details right when you’re a gay man! It’s brave to write a straight sex scene! The changing narration does work, although I think the character’s personality could come over more in the tone of their narration. Try to differentiate the tone of each narrator more. I did feel this was beginning to happen later on (so far I’ve read up to chapter 4). Ditto dialogue. If Zoe is sex obsessed, bring that out. I see one comment to the effect that, when Charlie first meets Phil, he is a bit too easily convinced. I think I agree. You have Charlie wondering what he’s getting himself into in the opening. If he’s that easy to convince right off the bat, he’d probably be jumping into bed with Phil much sooner. I’ll need to read the whole thing to get the size of it, however. From the pitch I can see your story is about Charlie’s struggle with his emotions and conflicting desires as he, first loses Zoe, then finds Phil and identifies as gay and then Zoe’s return and I guess tempting him back to the (sorry, can’t resist this) straight and narrow. You are getting there. The narration switches will help make this work, but keep at it. I noticed quite a few superfluous “that”s along the way, cut them out to help pacing. The scene when Paul stands by the open curtains starkers and refers to himself as “well endowed” doesn’t really work. That would be a thought from Zoe’s POV, unless he’s hopelessly narcissistic. I reviewed this before, but can’t find the review, have you inadvertently gone below 10,000 words at some point? Didn’t I recommend putting the prologue in the first place? In any event, I thought the original (and much more raunchy) scene in the Hotel worked better for me. More “edgy”, if you see what I mean LOL. All the best with this, I’m putting it back on my shelf now.

Oh and btw, have you heard the one about what makes the difference between a straight man and a bisexual man? Answer, about ten pints of lager! LOL The French have a saying I’m rather fond of in much the same vane: “La nuit, tous les chats sont gris” (at night, all the cats are grey) In other words, men will shag anything. Maybe you could think of working this into the narration and use it as a title: “All the cats are grey”?

All the best, hope you will consider supporting my book.

Wow, Andrew!

This is some opening scene! Where you write, I wanted to talk to him about what we've just done, shouldn't it be, what 'we'd' just done, as it's not direct speech?

Best wishes,
Catherine

charlie stone drew me right in there -- what a first chapter! -- you've got my backing. rivergirl

OMG i just discovered there are more chapters haha sorry, its late at night -________-

T___T my heart broke! i just finished the rest of it. it's amazing and i REALLY wish i had the rest of it. it moves beautifully and speaks from the heart. im sort of lost in the story. i really really love. i cant WAIT to get the rest of it! T___T write fast!

the begining of ur prologue is the end of my chapter six and begining of 9 ^__^ great minds think alike! thers somthing about oral that makes you shower then eat ;D lol i like your style a lot, you can definally see whats happening! not to mention how realistic it is, thats an amazing talent

Andrew
I (skim) read all yuor chapters. I really good story and I was dying to read more. I liked your chracters and was drwan into the story.
Just a couple of suggestions. Instead of putting the names at the top, could you incorporate it into the prose? It felt like I was reading a film script with Paul, Zoe etc at the top of each section. Just a thought. And some of the sections are so so short... swapping so quickly and often from charater to charater can make the reader'es head spin. Maybe you could combine two sections to make a longer one?
I am not being horrible rather speaking through experience. My first draft had this structure of swapping from character to chacter and my readers said they found it confusing. Amazingly, people do not want to concentrate when they read a book.
Anyway feel free to ignore everything I have said and thanks for sharing this.
S.

This has crossed my mind already and some of the later scenes are a lot longer and so you have time to "embed in" the character that is speaking. Part of my plan for the second edit is to lengthen the earlier scenes so the same thing can happen.

Having said that, take a look at The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver - switching between 5 characters (all women) in such a skillful way, that is something i'm trying to emulate here (not plaigarise - emulate!)

Andrew
I (skim) read all yuor chapters. I really good story and I was dying to read more. I liked your chracters and was drwan into the story.
Just a couple of suggestions. Instead of putting the names at the top, could you incorporate it into the prose? It felt like I was reading a film script with Paul, Zoe etc at the top of each section. Just a thought. And some of the sections are so so short... swapping so quickly and often from charater to charater can make the reader'es head spin. Maybe you could combine two sections to make a longer one?
I am not being horrible rather speaking through experience. My first draft had this structure of swapping from character to chacter and my readers said they found it confusing. Amazingly, people do not want to concentrate when they read a book.
Anyway feel free to ignore everything I have said and thanks for sharing this.
S.

Added Inner Strength to our watchlist.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Hi Andrew,

nice flow & interchange between Zoe & Charlie, capturing the chaos of their relationship. My only observation is the repeat usuage of words - 'sex' for example, perhaps when recalling the joyous experiences, they could use other words to express & make the whole idea more playful. Cleverly toes the line without over-stepping.

backed

Rob

The prologue was immediate, intriguing and had me hooked. I read chapter 1 and whilst it was ok, it somehow felt a bit stiff, stilted and unnatural to my ears. I then turned to the last chapter, chapter 27 by its heading, and found flowing, natural prose describing the interaction of two gay men. If I were buying this book I would want the straight scenes to read as naturally and with equally flowing prose as the more gay orientated set pieces. That would give you a very striking book.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

remarkable piece of romantic fiction

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Thanks for the backing, looking forward to checking your book out. Can you point me to a few chapters. I probably don't have time to read it all, unfortunately. I like Chapter 12 in my book

I found two points started to bug me, minor but I tend to get side tracked - "Charlie Stone" I've come across this name before in a book, onT.V., a character in a play? I can't remember but I think some other author has used it. The second point - "the sample" from Mrs Sone is written as if female infertility can be decided in the same way as a low sperm count, perhaps some Dr. took this approach once but it doesn't ring true to me.
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

yes i'm going to revisit this whole infertility thing in draft two - needs a lot more research, granted. i also don't think the GP would deliver the news; she'd be referred to a clinic or something first.

Max Stone is a character in a computer game, not Charlie Stone.

I found two points started to bug me, minor but I tend to get side tracked - "Charlie Stone" I've come across this name before in a book, onT.V., a character in a play? I can't remember but I think some other author has used it. The second point - "the sample" from Mrs Stone is written as if female infertility can be decided in the same way as a low sperm count, perhaps some Dr. took this approach once but it doesn't ring true to me.
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

This definitely hooked me! The realistic domestic set-up and dialogue was very convincing. The pitch was interesting, although this isn't normally the type of thing I'd read, and once I started, I wanted to know how the story developed. I've only had time for the first 3 chapters tonight, but I'd certainly like to continue reading. It's going on my bookshelf!

Dazzling. An original and taut account written in a believable style. Masterful plotting. Luxurious descriptions. Thoughtful dialogue. Exquisite prose. Polarized relationships. Distinctive voice. Clever wit. Polished writing. An enjoyable and thought-provoking read. Backed.

Hiya!
Barely started reading and I'm hooked! Can't wait to see what happens. Very good dialouge and intersting characters to say the least.

Mishima

Andrew,
I read the whole thing!! Your characters are so-o-o well drawn. I cannot abide Zoe or Paul. They are heartless, shallow shrews. No wonder Charlie is looking in a new direction. You write wonderfully--I love the subtle funny touches. You cleverly let us know what each things. I think feathers will fly soon between Paul and Zoe--they actually deserve each other. I could sit down with you and talk about these characters as if they lived down the street or were distant cousins, that's how real you've made them. Congratulations.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

You certainly have a way with words. You've done well in the descriptive area. The sentence structure and dialogue are also quite well. Hope you do well.

This is well written, but I think you misunderstand the purpose of the classification. You have this listed as "universal" and it is not. A great many parents would be very upset to pick this up to read to their five year old, albeit its unsuitable is immediately apparent. Still, you should change the classification to adult. I'm not picking on the content - just the classification. Again, this is well written.

Yes I originally had it as Over 18 but it seems that an edit has resulted in the default of Universal being selected. All sorted now though and something I need to watch out for in the future. Thanks for the heads up.

Andy

This is well written, but I think you misunderstand the purpose of the classification. You have this listed as "universal" and it is not. A great many parents would be very upset to pick this up to read to their five year old, albeit its unsuitable is immediately apparent. Still, you should change the classification to adult. I'm not picking on the content - just the classification. Again, this is well written.

You know, this is a sustainable story. You have a good voice, well-paced. I think you definitely have a pearl here. I feel your voice and method of writing is strong enough to support the plot, and I'd like to see this go far. This story would give a good insight into human nature and more specifically, commonly misunderstood human nature. Great job!

Minor typo: At the end of the first chapter..."I could just about her her through my sleepy mind." *hear.

Other than that, a pleasure to BACK!

Good luck to you!

CSAndersen

No the POV's work fine

You certainly plunge straight into the story. The narrative skips along, and of course it is very erotic. I don't know about the POV changes. I had to reread a couple of times to keep up. But overall well worked.

You certainly plunge straight into the story. The narrative skips along, and of course it is very erotic. I don't know about the POV changes. I had to reread a couple of times to keep up. But overall well worked.

There is a story to be told here and you have a good narrative style and well constructed dialogue. You've written frankly about a topic of which you have some experience - which is again a good stand- point ( as writers we are always being told to write about what you know). I'm not certain whether I like the change of POV's which ,although moving the story along, are a bit off-putting. Maybe it might be worth while lengthening them so that most of the story is told by one person and then after a few chapters we might see the other person's point of view- also the tenses are a bit mixed. After a good edit, I'd be glad to re-read with a view to backing. K.J.

What a great idea. Who would have thought?! I loved your pitch which just drew me in and the cover. Nicely written and with enough complexity to sustain the interest of the reader. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid.

Dear Andrew,
I like your pitch. You lay out the central dilemna of the text - to sleep with a member of the same sex, or not to. I don't think you need the last paragraph at all. Or maybe just turn the questions into statements. Like...Charlie must find his inner strength to be true to himself. Something like that. Otherwise, great stuff!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

A truly original take on an interesting topic. I respect your imagination and ambition and wish you all the best. Backed, with pleasure.

Matt

I like your style of writing. Some people might be offended at the notion that one chooses to be gay. Maybe he didn't choose it but has been confused since birth and only now realized who he was? Or maybe he's just bi and never realized that? I think that's the real crux of the story. Use it to drive the story, as most people would probably never find themselves in this sort of situation. There's something quirky about this character that would make him consider a homosexual encounter. Or was it just the post-traumatic reaction of his wife's affair that made him do something he otherwise wouldn't do?
Again, well written, and I hope I helped a little. Backed.

Thanks for your comments, much appreciated. I don't think Charlie chose to be gay, he is invited to try one night of passion with a man, and likes it, so realises that he is gay, or at least bisexual.

With regard to "some people might be offended..." - indeed they might, but I can't consider everyone's opinion and as writers would it not weaken our professional integrity if we based our characters, scenes and outcomes on what other people want? Surely we should write these works of fiction in a manner that is right for the characters and the storyline?

I like your style of writing. Some people might be offended at the notion that one chooses to be gay. Maybe he didn't choose it but has been confused since birth and only now realized who he was? Or maybe he's just bi and never realized that? I think that's the real crux of the story. Use it to drive the story, as most people would probably never find themselves in this sort of situation. There's something quirky about this character that would make him consider a homosexual encounter. Or was it just the post-traumatic reaction of his wife's affair that made him do something he otherwise wouldn't do?
Again, well written, and I hope I helped a little. Backed.

Hi Andrew,

This isn't my kind of story but it does havea place for people who do.

There are a few things that need changing. Firstly, you need to decide whether this story is going to be told in past or present tense because now you have a mixture of both. There are some typos, for example knealt which should be knelt and some repetition: You mention 'ten year marriage in the third paragraph, but then in the fifth paragraph, say 'Zoe and I had been married ten years'.

The second chapter seems to begin in both first person and third person viewpoints. Again you need to make up your mind, you can't have both in the same section.

Once these corrections are made, you may have a publishable story which, though it would still not be to my personal taste, would do well with some reader groups.

Ron

Should he go back to his wife? No, not if he doesn't want to. Of course, it's all a lot more complicated than that. It appears that Charlie loved his wife, it was hard that she was infertile and with her "I want a family." Then, she doesn't come home once night and their relationship sours. Charlie then starts to go through a field of landmines. The segment you uploaded here ends with his going to a gay bar. I guess we can tell from the pitch where this will progress.

Your writing is clean and flows well. I enjoyed what I read so far. Backed for now.

Inner Strength - The first two chapters are heartrending. You really capture the emotion of your characters. I'll be back to read more of this as time allows. Gladly already backed.

All the best,
:-) Summer D'Vine - Blood of Summer, Shed for You