'STONES'

Fantastic stuff, Polly. Very highly starred and on my watchlist so I can read on. I don’t read a lot of teen fiction but I really enjoyed your opening chapters. In many ways, it doesn’t feel like a young adult book. Its main character may be a teenager - and many of the issues it deals with are teen-orientated - but the quality of the writing and the ambition and depth of the narrative will, I’m sure, appeal to adult readers. Publishers seem to love a novel with cross-over appeal, so I can definitely see this having genuine commercial potential.

The prose feels extremely polished. There’s an appropriately relaxed, almost chatty tone to the narrative which feels just right for a novel of this type. I’m a big fan of the present tense, particularly in a first person narrative. It lends the novel an immediate, almost filmic quality which, for me, makes for an attractively immersive reading experience. The prose is clear and direct and entirely in keeping with the age of the narrator. It doesn’t feel dull or one dimensional, though. There are lots of nuggets of beautifully restrained, almost innocent lyricism (eg ‘the sky streaked with the new morning’) which really helps to bring the narrative alive without coming across as self-consciously ornate or out of keeping with Coo’s character. Nicely done.

Coo herself come across as an extremely likeable, appealingly flawed main character, someone the reader can immediately identify with and care for.

I love the little moments of natural, character-driven comedy (eg ‘Have to… otherwise I’d go crazy’) – really good way to temper the underlying bleakness that seems to lie at the heart of the book. Most teen fiction seems to be rather po-faced these days so it’s great to see humour – even wry, often quite dark humour - being used to provide a little light and shade. Clever stuff.

The dialogue feels real and purposeful and helps both to flesh out the various characters and add good energy to the scenes. The level of narrative detail seems spot on, real and involving but not forced. Brighton itself feels almost like a character in its own right – slightly seedy and careworn, menacing and reassuringly familiar, one face for day trippers, another for locals etc – and provides an aptly unconventional backdrop for this unusual story. I love the use of slang/vernacular. It’s just enough to bring the scenes/characters alive without intruding on the narrative or coming across as a writerly gimmick. Very impressive.

The plot feels well thought out and original and, with its mix of drama, pathos, comedy, mystery, adventure etc, should appeal to a broad cross section of readers (and should definitely appeal to adult as well as teen readers).

I haven’t really got any specific criticisms to make, Polly. I think I noticed a few incomplete sentences which may read better if separated with semi-colons rather than full-stops (although, having said that, I quite liked the slightly unconventional punctuation/formatting as it seems to mirror the tone of the narrative??) Maybe also think about losing one or two of the dialogue tags?? There’s such an involving, filmic quality to the narrative which I think might be heightened even further if you lost all dialogue tags unless they’re absolutely essential. Just a thought.

In short, a beautifully written, subtly profound, terrifically original piece of writing. Thanks and best of luck. P

Cariad,

I just finished with chapter one of 'STONES' and have to say that this is one of the most impressive works I've read on Authonomy thus far. I don't say that lightly. I'm an extremely picky reader when it comes to books that I actually buy but if I picked up 'STONES' at the bookstore and did my usual thing (aka reading the first chapter before buying) I would pick it up and purchase it for my next read.

'STONES' is well written, with a stong premise and well thought out characters, and holds me rapt as I read, wanting to know what makes up Coo's mind and what role the people around her will play as the story progresses. I like what Warrick said before me... that Coo has a gentle madness. This is so true and is part of what intrigues me about her. I've rated 'STONES' six stars and have added it to my watchlist. I have a friend whom I'm going to try and convince to support it as well. I'll definutely be back for more soon and have added it to my watchlist.

Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity and Lazarus, Man

P.s. Thank you for reading and commenting on Lazarus, Man. It means a lot to me (especially because I highly enjoy your work as well) and I look forward to hearing what you think of the rest that's uploaded. Thank you also for pointing out that burial during that time period wasn't done under earth. I researched it and in looks like inside the tomb people were layed out in a 'kokhim' style. The chamber was stone and had a lowered stone area able to hold one body in it. A stone was then moved overtop this space once the body was inside. I like the idea of Lazarus coming out of earth but I want to accurate so I'm going to change the book to be how it would have been. Having things as they should be is important to me and so your advice is greatly appreciated.

P.p.s. Again, Have a great day!

This is very well written, clever and polished stuff. Having read the YA tag i didn;t expect anything quite ad mature and, well, adult as this. Would surely appeal massively to teen readers who like writers that don't talk down to them and tackle real issues that affect them, instead of just writing about vampires and werewolves. Highly starred.

Happy to back your book. It comes highly recommended from my wife Faith Rose.

O wow! This is some amazing writing! Truly, I was swept away by your opening chapter. Although this is not the type of book I usually read, your style and voice carried me along effortlessly. I love the use of first person, and Coo's inner thoughts are so smoothly revealed. I love the psychology of this piece, the depth of the despair, and the raw humanity of the writing. The dialogue is so strong, too. I love the end of chapter one... almost a back-tracking in the conversation to finally introduce themselves. How naturally flowing and smooth! Very well-written, moving piece. Giving you many stars and looking forward to reading more.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Cariad,
I remember this from the first time I read it, and to my mind it flows even better. There is hardly anything that made me stop and say, Hold on a minute! I liked it then, but it seems to me that the relationship between Coo and the tramp develops in a more natural way. I didn’t feel at first that Coo would have felt so at home in the company of Banks and the other tramps, but as her personality unfolds, I can see that is isn’t out of character.
I love the opening. This is what they mean by plunging the reader into the action. Can see why it would be crossover, there’s an underlying nastiness to it, set in Brighton too with its faded glory and seediness.
Alec comes out with exactly the cranky kind of things tramps say, to rant about God or messages is par for the course.
I’m glad Coo meets Joe, and it seems as though a nice relationship between them is on the cards. One thing I would say though is, isn’t it a bit rapid?
Coo say’s ‘meeting Joe has made me want my life back again.’ She’s only just met him for a coffee. Is that because she has so few normal friendships because of Sam? Joe is a nice enigmatic character, dirty but posh, has been crying, obviously has a rough time at home too. Then he disappears for several chapters and Coo doesn’t seem to make too much of it, though I thought it was rather strange
‘Don’t you have anything better to do?’ is a bit of a daft question to ask a tramp. I like the way you have Coo realise that is not a particularly kind thing to say and have her take it back. The conversation that follows is more realistic than I remembered it, more natural.

I really enjoyed this, a YA book that doesn’t make any concessions. The language is adult and the concepts are mature. You paint a very convincing picture of a mixed up girl with loads of ‘issues’, going from sibling rivalry, parental neglect when Sam was alive, abuse of one kind or another, and if not indifference, certainly incomprehension on the part of her parents. I feel as though I know Sam even though he was dead before the story begins – like Coo, I expect to find him surging out from behind a half-open door to grab somebody by the throat.
I can’t give this more stars than I gave it first time around. I’d like to put it on my shelf and it’s certainly in the queue. There’s only one space that changes, and that no very often, so be patient. You have a great book here, it’ll go far with or without autho backing.
Jane

YARG

Cariad,
Here returning a read. I am through chapter 11. This is brilliantly written. Your elegant prose sets a gloomy, menacing tone. You've created a three dimensional character with Coo. Her grief/guilt/loneliness is catching and easy to empathize with. I like how we not only get glimpses of Sam the alcoholic, but Sam the little boy and loving brother. The parents are defined by their apparent apathy to what was happening at the time as well as by how they feel the loss of their son.

I'm not sure that I have any suggestions at this point, just a couple of things that bothered me a little while reading. I have not read a lot of present tense novels, so I'm not sure if this is how it is done, but in chapter one during the brief flashbacks to the altercation with Sam, you stay in present tense. That bothered me at first when I realized she was flashing back, so I had to reread the beginning of the chapter. I won't presume to say that the flashbacks should be past tense, just noting that it caught me off a little as I read.

The only other thing is that once Coo becomes friends with Banks, we don't see much of Joe anymore. I guess I'm just wondering if there should be a few scenes in there with him, maybe to contrast the two relationships? Maybe Joe shows up again soon, but that is just a thought.

The one thing that bothers me about Coo's character, which isn't exactly a bad thing, is that even after everything she went through with her brother's alcoholism, she doesn't hesitate to have a beer with Banks, and even at the end of chapter 11 when he offers her a drink from whatever he has in his brown bag, she takes it. She even says that she needs it. Like I said, it bothers me, but not in a bad way. It makes me want to read more, but I feel more cautious about getting too attached since I feel like if Coo isn't careful, she'll follow her brother's footsteps.

That is all I can say about what I've read so far. You've pulled me along at a nice, steady pace while weaving in hints about what happened between Coo and Sam as well as a bit of mystery about what is going on with the two girls attacked at the marina and the boy attacked in town.

Compelling read. Highly starred, will be back for more.
Kate

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to this.
I have read the first three chapters and found they made for a captivating beginning.
Firstly, I love the title and the attention grabbing first paragraph. I think you have a lovely voice. Your main character sadness is haunting without being melodramatic.
I particularly liked
‘no sound but the shush of waves washing lazily over stone’ – lovely poetic sound to this
‘ripe biscuit stink’ – a very unusual analogy, but I know what you mean. My dogs bed smells like that when it needs washing.
The description of the photograph ‘It’s taken in the before – you can tell because we’re smiling’ – great hint at what has caused your MC’s sadness. In general there are some nice hints at what has happened in the past that aroused my curiosity, but you trickle in this information gradually which I like.
‘stink that alcohol makes when people take it like food until it oozes out of their pores’ – another great description.
The only thing I wasn’t sure about was how quickly the meeting with Joe changed your MC’s perspective. ‘Meeting Joe has made me want my life back’ – I think that this seems a bit of a radical change after one brief meeting in which not much happened – But that’s just my opinion and may be explained more by further reading.
I think your writing style is excellent and I definitely wanted to read more.

Cariad,

A BHCG review

Stones is written to publishable standard, no question.
I am really out of touch with what YAs like to read but I’m guessing, as far as your book is concerned, as you are tackling some serious stuff here, that teens, and I’m guessing teenage girls here, who might have experienced something similar (or who have friends who have) will identify with Coo’s story. And that other teens will read it for the vicarious thrill of – ‘thank goodness it isn’t me…’
I think that the opening in the present is well balanced with the unfolding of the back story
The pacing feels more like literary fiction. There is no noticeable change of pace up until the end of Chapter 3 but I know it’s early days yet. The balance between present and past feels about right.
It’s hard to write convincingly in the first person and it takes an accomplished writer to do this well and you rise to the challenge. Coo is a very convincing character and one that I am sure that teenage girls will identify with.
I can see that Stones has been on the site for a while and that you must have done many rewrites to get it to this high standard.
The characters that I’ve met so far all seem to have their own voice and to me it is characterisation that really makes this novel stand out.
I think that the setting is original – what is it about Brighton and fiction? I knew the city as a young child and it had an edge and seamy side to it then, which doesn’t seem to have gone away even after all that gentrification…..’A single grey gull riding the air current, the pebbles, the mini-railway….’ You bring it all back to this reader….
Just one small pedantic note re formatting, which I note one or two other readers have commented on. There are some odd jumps in paragraphs but apart from that minor quibble, highly starred. An impressive work. I do hope this gets a HC review. It deserves it.
Alison (Lambert Nagle)
Revolution Earth

BHCG review – Stones:

I read ten chapters without a pause – that says a lot about your writing to be able to grip me so much with a YA novel. Top marks!

Plot: Good pitches. I like the opening – moving us straight into the action. No unnecessary words or long sentences, and I’m perfectly transported into Coo’s world. I like the premise – I’d never really read any YA since before Authonomy and to be honest, it’s not something I look for. But this really held my attention.

C9: ‘The sound of a studio audience laughing’ – just seemed a bit too grown up for Coo … just saying. I liked the end of this chapter :)

C10: A diamond encrusted razor – that made me laugh! Ha! Sounds like my mum … And wow! This chapter is the business …

Pacing: I didn’t notice – ha – that’s a good thing. This has a natural flow to it, no jarring, stumbling or ‘eh?’ moments, just enjoyable, ‘into the zone’ reading :D

Characters/Characterization: I am totally inside Coo’s head. There are so many things she says and thoughts she has, which bring back my youth – whether you’re male or female – either sex can identify with Coo. I like Joe – I’m impressed by your ability to get me to think between the lines – I like that. The two tramps – Banks and Mad Alec – prompt different thoughts about different things, for this reader anyway. I think that’s very clever of you – show off!

Point of View/Voice: Strong, real, convincing – how many more adjectives can I think of? And it never wavers, not for a second. Good job.

Sentence structure etc: First typo (alleluia LOL) C8 – ‘A long time passes and then he puts (his) out his hand’ – extra ‘his’ – also C6 there are quite a few speech marks missing but that might be due to upload format or something. Other than that nothing! Good flow, no long sentences to hold me up. Very well polished. imho :D

Dialogue: Good, realistic, flowed well.

Originality: Don’t know – YA is new to me but I get the impression it could be.

Publishability: Absolutely – looking forward to seeing it in the shops ;)

Okay, this is much better than I remember – and I enjoyed reading over my lunch and some well-earned respite from my own MS. Watch-listing to finish – I have a hefty queue for my shelf (too many good books). This will get there but when? I'll keep an eye on it and if it looks like ‘ED-desk-time’ I’ll make room.

I like this, a lot and I don't dole out six stars often but as this deserves ten I'll make an exception ... :D

Mick xx

Snappy and hugely colourful writing style which i'm certain would appeal to a wider readership, noy only teens.
Only first few chapters read but will read more end of week. I'm interested to see where the rest of the book takes me! Great job

I'm midway into chapter 3. The tramp and Coo appear to be bonding while skimming stones.
A global observation of your work: You've obviously mapped this out, it's going somewhere and already I've got the feeling there are deep messages. It'll make a great book.
The beginning of chapter 1 is very difficult to read, it's really the first 3/4 of that chapter. I think the reason i had such a hard time with it was a lack of why. each paragraph seemed to be independent with little linking them, i didn't know if we were in the real world, in a class room with a bully or listening to someone telling their dream.
Towards the end of chapter 1 you've got a flow that can be followed.
The first paragraph in chapter 2, I think, belongs in chapter 1. a fresh chapter a fresh scene, you've started the chapter in the chapter 1's scene and then jumped into the house.
As we progress, and i learn to like Coo, her lifestyle and reason for behavior becomes clear.

When you're reading back over this, ask yourself questions. Coo tucks her diary away. where? seems like a silly question but it'll tell us if she thinks people are going in her room or .......?

Another exercise you may want to try is this. rewrite an entire chapter without a single sentence starting with "I or He" go line for line and change the sentences around.

Hope this helped, and let me know if you update it, i'd love to give it a second read.

From the first paragraph I was hooked. Very compelling and I liked the first person narrative. I also like the gradual revelation of the heroine's characteristics. You set up the first chapter with several interesting options: the old nutter, the boy, the police presence, each a mystery we want to solve. I was a bit put off initially by the use of italics in the opening paragraph, but quickly overcame that when I realized why you chose that style. Highly starred and backed. - Gao Zuojia
Would you be so kind as to read my manuscript, Kailai and the Dragon Prince and leave any constructive criticism?

great ya novel! you are nearing the top to the desk....long journey....this is a well told story...
j
what every woman should know

Hi. You're my second shelving. I've made a gut reaction because this is great. As much for adults as YA? I will read more, I can see I'll be busy on here!

Hi. You're my second shelving. I've made a gut reaction because this is great. As much for adults as YA? I will read more, I can see I'll be busy on here!

One of the best, most unflinching YA novels I've ever read. Completely lacking in typical YA melodrama, it's honest and real. Very beautiful, and very sad, with great cross-over appeal. I think this book will absolutely get published.

Sorry for the delay, but here are my comments as promised.
This is everything I want in a YA novel. There’s excitement, intrigue, immaculately written narrative, an original storyline, and I loved the way you separated Coo’s (excellent name, by the way) experiences from the main plotline using italics. Everything flowed well, and the first chapter seems to end at a very natural place – with tantalisation.
Hope this continues to be a success!

I have read five chapters so far and have been very impressed with what I have read. Coo is a strong leading character. How can you not feel sorry for this poor young girl who has already suffered a major tragedy in her life. She struggles to come to terms with it and desperately wants to get back to a normal life knowing that she never really will. Going back to school makes her feel like an outsider looking in. Add to this the sessions with the psychiatrist and it's not suprising that she is a crazy mixed up girl. The two tramps are excellent characters with their good guy bad guy routine. I will be interested to see where this goes. Let's hope Joe is her saviour. The only nitpick I have is the presentation of the text. Sometimes the sentence is broken up and carries on with a gap inbetween which makes the flow fractured and a bit annoying. But that's it, my only criticism! Well done and no hesitation in giving six stars.

Kim (Pain)

Hey,
Love the story, love how its written, im am now going to read more :D

Ellen Michelle

Its hard not to read the entire book after reading the first paragraph. Interesting story and reader-friendly

You had my attention from the first sentence, your a very vibrant and vivid writing style that draws me into your story very well. I really enjoyed what I have read so far and have given you six stars.

Have a great day,
Roy Earle "Bad Men and Bad Odds"

YARG Review

I came across your book on my first day here and this is the first chance I've had to give it a proper read.

After ending up reading so many genre books on here where you simply must have a big action filled opening, it was nice to experience something a lot calmer and more realistic.

here's my close observations
ok. You’re right. Let go!’ - full stop

sea-wind. The windows of the streets and squares glow yellow, and shop FRONTS flicker INto

One lies on a bench but HAULS / HEAVES himself up to stare at
For a second our eyes meet – his ARE the colour of
As I’m thinking, a blob appears and as it gets closer, I see it’s a lad wearing the same SCHOOL uniform as mine. - 2 things - first I think you should say where the blob appears - on the horizon? and I added school cos I thought at first she meant work uniform

There’s a faint stubble round - can you have A stubble? some stubble maybe?

I watch him bite into it under THE cover of my fringe.

He’s right. I don’t mind the colour, which is what they call auburn but ‘You’re right,’ I say. ‘I’d rather it was straight.’ - revise - it doesn't run smoothly

CH2

I leave it up TO REMEMBER THAT THINGS WEREN'T ALWAYS THEY WAY THEY ARE NOW
Our house is ALL IN ONE long row. It has three storeys and two FRONT doors
His hair, lifted by the wind, is held back by a grubby claw and - what claw?
I jump before I realize it’s Matt, my NEIGHBOUR. I turn
You capitalise Shrink Woman inconsistently - why capitalise at all?
Meeting Joe has made me want my life back again. - she says this but from our perspective he didn't have that great an impact on her - you need to stress this more or take longer to build this importance up.

CH3
Urban dictionary not necessary - people either know it or can work it out.

Generally good with hardly any small errors. I especially like the chat with Banks in CH3. I felt you could make more of the Brighton scenery and bring the pathetic fallacy of her mood and the breaking waves together a little more.

I'm interested to see where this goes and will read on!

best of luck

Benedict

I'm trying to concentrate on reading more YA books on Authonomy as it's the genre for my new book, plus I read LOADS of edgy YA books from Melvin Burgess, Joshua C. Cohen, Andrew Smith, Laurie Halse Anderson and even Koushun Takami (Battle Royale-the original Hunger Games) could be included in this lot. I also run an edgy YA group on Goodreads and at the moment I think your book might fall into this category. I think the edgier books are crossovers, which is what your book is-tackling with more serious or controversial issues. (Your book would fall into the serious category (the abusive relationship between brother and sister), not controversial).

From the one chapter I've read (I review after each chapter as it's still fresh in my mind) you are right about this appealing to adults as well. It's mostly the serious aspect to the writing as mentioned above. The past problems-violence-that she'd experienced from her dead brother still haunts her and there also seems to possibly be guilt in there to. She is definitely troubled and showing the signs of an abused child-her dreams, the truancy...

I also like the rest of your cast of characters, the religious tramp touting God's message, his pale faced friend and Joe. I'm guessing Joe must be around 17 or 18, in his final year of school due to his taste in Lattes. The inclusion of the police also make this interesting, because it adds mystery to the story.

I can't find any flaws with the first chapter. There is no structural problems or noticeable typos. I'm not saying this for the sake of it as I know "Stones" has been on this site for a while and what I've read is now at a finely polished state. I can see that you've worked hard on it and if the rest of the book is like the first chapter you could easily self-publish this and avoid employing an editor like I did.

As this first chapter was good enough to peek my interest in continuing I will do so when I get some more time. But no promises as daily life, dealing with my own writing and the annoying amount of reading requests that I get after a piddly comment on my book leaves me little time. But, I will try to make a concerted effort as this is one of the better quality books on this site. Plus, I should've read it ages ago.

Anyway, all the best, Marita. P.S. Sorry that I couldn't suggest anything room for improvement thus far.

Good stuff.

So far I have only read the first two chapters, but can’t wait to read the next. I am not entirely sure about the genre teen. I think this could appeal to a much broader audience. I love the style of writing, vibrant and gritty. I was captured at the first sentence. Compelling stuff! I have given it lots of stars!

A BHCG review

This is my first review as part of the brutally honest crit group and I find I don't need to be particularly brutal at all. This is a very polished work. I would agree that this is for more than just young adult readers, and your writing style is clean and simple enough to work across the age-groups. I found no problems with the sentence structure or vocabulary. It reads very easily and very smoothly.

You show a lot of respect to the reader, allowing us to simply meet these characters without having back-story or pertinent facts about their personalities and appearances forced upon us. Your use of the present tense works extremely well and feels thematically significant, rather than just a literary device. Coo is flawed enough to be likable, and taciturn enough to feel like it will be worth spending time with her story.

So there you go, not especially brutal, but that's because this reads like a very accomplished work indeed.

I loved reading the first three chapters of Stones. Please let me know when it's published! The story is polished and engaging. I loved the detail, such as Coo jumping in the passage when she's passing Sam's room. And the pacing. From the first sentence, we enter Coo's world and share her guilt, fear and aloneness. Congratulations Cariad, on a masterful achievement. Six stars. Cheers, Jacqui Christensen x

One of the best books I've read this year (and not just on authonomy). Stones has broad cross-over appeal, and I picture it being the only book in English Class that all of the kids actually want to read- but they can't, because the teacher's got it at home.
Incredible, inspirational work.

YARG Review:

Polly, I honestly couldn't tell quite what to expect from your pitch. Both short and long. I also have to admit that Corinne's nickname (Coo) threw me off your MC a little bit. I was only going to read the first chapter, but it's so intriguing, I ended up reading two more. You have a very natural, believable narrator's voice, and the character's are superbly drawn.

You pull the reader in to Corinne's state of mind, by sharing her innermost thoughts and perceptions. There's a great deal of observation within small details and descriptions. You play on these perfectly and I could really imagine Corinne standing on a beach, or being chased by Alec. I would describe her character as flawed rather than likeable.

At first, Sam seems very threatening. His death has clearly left a gaping hole; neither Corinne nor her mother appear to be coping. I think because we know he's been physical towards his sister, there's a sense of justification for her hatred. It's not complete hatred though, as evidenced by the bedroom picture and her reference(s) to before.

Before this happened . . .

I think many teenagers (and adults too) could identify with what you've written. It's a captivating read, the sort that would make an excellent teen/young adult drama. I'd like to find out more about Joe, but I'm sure he crops up in following chapters. I love character driven films/books, so this is definitely something I'd like to read more of. Rated very highly (six stars).

Also placed on my watch-list for shelving.

Best of luck,

Ben - The Frogness of Being

(YARG - tho it's a bit late for the March tallies - maybe for April?)
Polly, I loved it. Writing has great quality and story is intriguing and confidently handled. Characters good and a nice mix of dialogue and description. I like the sense of menace, liberally injected from the first line.
No real criticisms, there's a lot going on here, quite a few characters introduced at once and after a quick skim read I had to re-read it more carefully to work out who was who, but that is no bad thing, if the writing is good a bit of a puzzle makes you want to read more, but maybe agents won't like that... not sure. Have the same quandaries myself.
All the best,
will highly star and back too.
Sharda.

I read five chapters and would happily have read more if I'd had time. I did find the first chapter to be a bit confusing, as there was a lot that happened, between flashbacks and the tramp and meeting Joe, but this all ironed out as I kept reading.
A very well-written piece, with only the occasional typo (some formatting issues with the paragraphing, and in chapter four, at the end, you have JoSteen instead of JoeSteen), but nothing to take away from my enjoyment of the story.
I wish I had more constructive comments for you, but everything was so well done I just don't have anything more to add.
Best of luck!

YARG Review. You had me from the first line. Admit you're wrong! I loved that. And you didn't drop the tension for a moment. I didn't see any problems with the writing itself. I can tell you've been writing for a long time and know your craft well. I am going to put this on my shelf as soon as I have space. Until then I will give you high stars and praise. I love it when I find a book that is so polished. It makes it easier to read. The name Coo is very inventive. I will return to read more later. Have to go to work now. I only made it as far as chapter two. Can't wait to see what happens next.

YARG Review. You had me from the first line. Admit you're wrong! I loved that. And you didn't drop the tension for a moment. I didn't see any problems with the writing itself. I can tell you've been writing for a long time and know your craft well. I am going to put this on my shelf as soon as I have space. Until then I will give you high stars and praise. I love it when I find a book that is so polished. It makes it easier to read. The name Coo is very inventive. I will return to read more later. Have to go to work now. I only made it as far as chapter two. Can't wait to see what happens next.

You read a chapter of my book a while ago and I promised a return read. As I’m sure you’ve had countless comments on your opening chapters, I read your last chapter to see if there were any useful comments I could make. Obviously, I can’t comment on the story and where it’s going, but I did speed read your first chapter to get a flavour for your main character before going to the last.

YA is not my genre and this wasn’t my thing, but your story is well-written and you have a great character in the troubled (possibly even self-absorbed as teens are wont to be?) Coo that I can see capturing your target audience. Given the posse of YA writers overwhelming this site, you’re in the right place for a receptive audience.

I’ve messaged you some typos, but here are a few comments:

CH 38
– ...as quietly as an animal. (Are animals necessarily quiet? A cat might be, especially when on the prowl, but simply saying as ‘quietly as an animal’ is too broad.)

– ...stirs in my gut. (While it’s normal to ‘hate someone’s guts’ in the plural, or ‘to have someone’s guts for garters’. Gut here should be singular.)

– ‘You’re a kid! A stupid, little girl.’ (The tag ‘he tells me’ just gets in the way here.)

– ‘Don’t, Banks! Let go.’ He doesn’t seem to hear. (Tags are wonderful when they have character and add dimension to an exchange, but when they’re just ‘he said’, ‘she said,’ it’s often better to leave them out; especially so in your style of writing where the mood is already apparent in the narrative.)

– Glow spills from the windows onto the gardens opposite. (While ‘glow’ can be used in the plural, you should not use ‘a glow’ in the plural.)

– I think I might be making a noise, but I don’t know that either. (Not sure what this means.)


That’s it. You’ve clearly developed a narrative style that works for you and have a character in Coo I’m pretty sure would appeal to and resonate with many teens.

All the best with your writing!

What a gripping first chapter. Brilliant! It's got everything. It doesn't read particularly teenage. It could appeal to any age On my watchlist to read more.

Just read the first chapter and I nkow i;m going to love this. Lively, vibrant writing and very real. Will be adding to my bookshelf

Eve (Blog of Maisy Malone)

This is a BHCG comment. Very nice. I was drawn in by the Voice. I read up to chapter 12 and am intrigued by what Coo has done. Did she kill her brother, and what made her? The thoughts are very consistent with the age of the girl. Great job.

The settings are vivid and compelling. Heck I could see the beach, the shop, the home, etc. Love the way smell in incorporated into all of this.

Banks should be a turn off, and yet he isn't. There is something sad about him, almost a reaching out to when he was a boy of Coo's age and wishing he still was.

I can't find much to nit aside from one missing quote and a few places the site seems to have messed up your formatting. Great read and you ace all the important categories. Highly starred and on my WL.

YARG

Great writing which has achieved that rare balance between teen and adult fiction. I have read quite a lot of my daughters' books and only a handful have managed to write a good story which is accessible to teenagers rather than a "story for teenagers". This certainly falls into the former camp.

I like the use of the present tense and your prose is clean and polished. You paint an excellent scene using small descriptive touches which I find much more evocative than extensive adjectival prose. I particularly like "head tucked in the neck of my jacket like a tortoise" and the touch about the lack of money in the rucksack, I think every teenager has noted the indirect proportion of funds to the need to run away at some point in their lives.

There were a couple of minor points in the opening scene which didn't so much confuse me as take a little while for me to work out.

I had no idea of Coo's age until her uniform is mentioned; in fact I was quite taken aback to discover that (a) she was in school uniform and (b) it was day time. The early descriptions suggested to me an evening scene and it took me a while to readjust to a schoolgirl sitting having a drink on a weekday morning.

Good luck!
Gillian

Fantastic stuff, Polly. Very highly starred and on my watchlist so I can read on. I don’t read a lot of teen fiction but I really enjoyed your opening chapters. In many ways, it doesn’t feel like a young adult book. Its main character may be a teenager - and many of the issues it deals with are teen-orientated - but the quality of the writing and the ambition and depth of the narrative will, I’m sure, appeal to adult readers. Publishers seem to love a novel with cross-over appeal, so I can definitely see this having genuine commercial potential.

The prose feels extremely polished. There’s an appropriately relaxed, almost chatty tone to the narrative which feels just right for a novel of this type. I’m a big fan of the present tense, particularly in a first person narrative. It lends the novel an immediate, almost filmic quality which, for me, makes for an attractively immersive reading experience. The prose is clear and direct and entirely in keeping with the age of the narrator. It doesn’t feel dull or one dimensional, though. There are lots of nuggets of beautifully restrained, almost innocent lyricism (eg ‘the sky streaked with the new morning’) which really helps to bring the narrative alive without coming across as self-consciously ornate or out of keeping with Coo’s character. Nicely done.

Coo herself come across as an extremely likeable, appealingly flawed main character, someone the reader can immediately identify with and care for.

I love the little moments of natural, character-driven comedy (eg ‘Have to… otherwise I’d go crazy’) – really good way to temper the underlying bleakness that seems to lie at the heart of the book. Most teen fiction seems to be rather po-faced these days so it’s great to see humour – even wry, often quite dark humour - being used to provide a little light and shade. Clever stuff.

The dialogue feels real and purposeful and helps both to flesh out the various characters and add good energy to the scenes. The level of narrative detail seems spot on, real and involving but not forced. Brighton itself feels almost like a character in its own right – slightly seedy and careworn, menacing and reassuringly familiar, one face for day trippers, another for locals etc – and provides an aptly unconventional backdrop for this unusual story. I love the use of slang/vernacular. It’s just enough to bring the scenes/characters alive without intruding on the narrative or coming across as a writerly gimmick. Very impressive.

The plot feels well thought out and original and, with its mix of drama, pathos, comedy, mystery, adventure etc, should appeal to a broad cross section of readers (and should definitely appeal to adult as well as teen readers).

I haven’t really got any specific criticisms to make, Polly. I think I noticed a few incomplete sentences which may read better if separated with semi-colons rather than full-stops (although, having said that, I quite liked the slightly unconventional punctuation/formatting as it seems to mirror the tone of the narrative??) Maybe also think about losing one or two of the dialogue tags?? There’s such an involving, filmic quality to the narrative which I think might be heightened even further if you lost all dialogue tags unless they’re absolutely essential. Just a thought.

In short, a beautifully written, subtly profound, terrifically original piece of writing. Thanks and best of luck. P

Hello Cariad

Read the first 6 chapters or so and love it so far. I think you have a powerful narrative style, and the 'inner voice' of your MC is compelling and believable - as is her back story. Great stuff. I'll post a proper review and star when I've had time to read more.

YA isn’t my usual reading material, so finding STONES was a bit of a gem. STONES strongly evokes Coo’s point of view as a troubled teenager, struggling to deal with her emotional turmoil following the death of her once-beloved, alcoholic, abusive brother. The new friendships she makes – Joe, Banks, the mad tramp – are all part of dealing with her own guilt, fear, loss and depression. For me, her sessions with the Shrink Woman offer a clever device to explore the impact these relationships have on Coo, and her own struggle to find redemption. The ominous warnings on TV, from her parents and the police, and incidents half-glimpsed throughout add a heightened sense of impending tragedy… and then in the last posted chapter, something very uncomfortably happens with Banks, a character that at first Coo is drawn to.

STONES is a book that I think is close to its final form. To me, the book is a well-crafted exploration of the darker side of teenage psyche – of perils real, imagined and evolving – that will resonate with its target audience. Highly starred.

I'm always returning to read Stones determined to write something, but just end up reading it instead. The great achievement is that it's not self-consciously trying to be YA. It just is. I was reminded when Rachel picked it as One to Watch. Well done.

Why have I only just found this? This is great writing, the kind that is so far from being cliched as to stand out. It's a shame prose like yours is so few and far between on this site. Fantastic work.

Cariad,

I can't believe I waited so long to read this. Once I started reading I was drawn in. I read the first six chapters in one sitting and I love it. I can see why it's so popular. It's destined for the ED desk. I'll be back to read more when I have time. I'll try to make room for it on my bookshelf soon. The writing is really nice, the characters well-rounded. Coo is very likable. I couldn't find anything wrong with it.

Highly starred.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Just finished chapter 1 of 'STONES'. A promises to be a great story i can tell. Well described and fleshed out characters fuel the ride for me. I cant read a book if I don' t care who its about, that's not a problem here. Very very good for its YA audience.

Joe,
The Hooligans Of Kandahar.

Hi Cariad,
This is a BHCG review.
I am not a grammatical expert or a proof reader so I apologise in advance for any items which I get wrong. At present I have read to Chapter 8 and enjoyed the pace, intensity, sadness and rebellion.
General.
I am not going to repeat all the 'positive comments' from previous readers.
I have an understanding of your characters and they come across as real, especially the relationship between Coo and Banks. Joe, I still have to work out as his speech, is inconsistent. Formal to colloquial.
The formatting has slipped somewhere along the line with spaces where they should not be.
Some commas should be inserted, some omitted.
One change of tense threw (it will probably do the same at the publisher's) me as it coincided with an extra space.
Chapter 1.
The scary opening and all that followed drew me into the story. In some parts, too well, as I found it difficult to make notes as I wanted to read.
'Memories will.' SPACE to the next line 'fade.'
'The Shrink Woman tells me....She says.' (I'm not too good at tenses but find it strange to hear her in the 'present tense' but that the words were uttered in the past. I like the title, Shrink Woman because I am anti-psychiatry.).
'Move the rucksack.' (maybe a more appropriate word - hoist, heave, shift, flip, whatever.).
'Twisting my head.' (Twisting my neck. Turning my head.).
'Stammering.' (is she/he speaking? have a speech impediment? Or just shivering?).
'There's police.' (if that is how he speaks, okay. Otherwise amend phrase. Do teenagers refer to 'police' in Brighton? Coppers/Feds).
'There's a faint SPACE stubble.
'I have expensive tastes...' Formal language. Doesn't fit with 'There's police.'
'Any hope of slipping past is gone (comma here?).
'Hey, he croaks. (maybe croaking produces a hoarse effect - or maybe not. If so omit hoarse.).
The following two lines of dialogue do not need he says/she says.
'Friend of yours?' Don't answer, he's nuts.'
'Call auburn but you're right. (I think you need some punctuation here.).
'Why are you bunking off? and I find myself...(as above, punctuation unless this is your style, maybe give it some thought.).
IMPORTANT. You may find it useful to remove as many she says/he says as possible. Maybe take one page of dialogue and see how it looks and reads. The text will flow easier, especially on fast exchanges.).
'But I don't. But I just don't.' (If that is how she speaks okay. If not it is repetative.).
'Avoiding each other's eyes but just as it's getting awkward he asks ' (punctuation, seems to be too many commas.).
'Mine is Joe.' (Joe formal again. Informal, mine's Joe. Maybe read it aloud to yourself.).
Chapter 2
I like para. 3. Even read it twice to savour the words.
Para. 4 is split by extra SPACE.
Chapter 3.
'Snatching bits of dead fish.' (pieces may flow better. Are they snatching from one another or from the sea/beach?).
He's waiting for an answer. I said do you want. (This element stopped me in my tracks. I thought I had missed something.).
Maybe use either OK or okay, not both.
Chapter 4.
I like the E-mail messages.
Chapter 5.
'I haven't thought would...' (This first line doesn't flow for me.).
'Good time to leave.' (leave who/where?).
CanceLLing.
'See you later?' then (punctuation or rephrase.).
'Under my bed where... The most recent things I have written (under the bed?).
'She picks up the Thought Diary (capitals) and to distract her...' (maybe this sentence needs splitting/punctuation.).
'Oh yes.' (maybe omit 'she says.').
'Why a vampire. (Should there be a capital following a semi-colon?).
Your following sentence does not have a capital after semi-colon.).
'Tell me something about him,' she says. (maybe omit 'and I think.' or 'I pause for a second.').
Halfway home he stops at a Cafe.' (punctuation here).
Chapter 6.
Para. 'I give up...' (Give up what?).
Alec (comma) the shouter.
Chapter 7.
I like the first para.
Old looking skin. (Then you use look again in next sentence.).
Banks. Need SPACE. The change of tense threw me as I didn't realise we were in a new para.).
'I was going to go home.' (awkward).
'Mum rung me.' (mum rang me. One of your readers picked this up some weeks ago and you have updated since then. maybe go for a good editing session. I put all my useful feedback on a spread sheet and decide then what to alter.).
'Marina.' (Followed by two SPACES.).
'I'm not.' (Change of tense).
'Stumbling along, looking annoyed...(maybe rearrange sentence).
'Beginning a swim.' (If so why is he facing inland?).
'He wasn't in the water yet.' (Verb doesn't fit with 'yet'.).
Later,' I said, he said...(a little clumsy.).
'Banks knows.' (change of tense.).
Chapter 8.
'Over and over in the stones.' (On the stones? Over and over the stones?).
'One thing to another..' (maybe find word to replace 'thing.').
'They are the bright beginnings - Great! (followed by; 'and the men on the other benches here their worst nightmare futures.' Are you saying that the men are the children's nightmares in terms of their(children's) futures? I think you have all the words there but maybe a little rearranging.).
I thought the men on the bench were far away (by the playground?).
'I hope someone I know saw me but if they did (maybe: 'I didn't notice.).
'It slams into Banks who springs into life (repetition 'into' and maybe a can doesn't 'slam.').
'One hand rubbing.' (maybe omit and rubbing or rearrange sentence.).
'See the line of sea.' (maybe rephrase this.).

I am really enjoying this story and am happy to finish all uploaded chapters. Would you consider a return read ? I have fewer chapters, no problem. I realise that you may find my book unreadable in terms of genre (anti-war) and readability etc. If so, I understand. However, if you are on for an exchange it would be great. I know the writing takes up time and we are all attempting to put time into our books. I have typed this into word with a view to cutting and pasting into comments but realise that maybe I should check this out with Bradley as I don't know the difference between a thread and a comment. So I have typed this in hoping the site doesn't glitch.
All the best

Chris. Collateral Damage.CO.OK (please note; not UK).

"Even nutters need friends," could sum up most of Western literature from Greek plays to Shakespeare. The author confronts this theme directly.

Coo's a young teen girl who, in addition to the usual angst, suffers from adult pain. Her family aches from the death of their addict son, Sam. Looked after by neighbours Ben and Matt, troubled Coo is terribly unhappy. She wanders the boardwalk seeking she knows what… but finds Joe, barely older than her, and a pair of mad tramps, one which offers messages from God and quotes Wittgenstein, of all philosophers. (At least it wasn't Nietzsche!)

This is a drawing, insightful novel. Most chapters begin with a quote from Coo's Thought Diary which amplifies what's going on in the girl's head. I highly recommend it and backed it.

Wow, I just read chapter 1 and it blew me away! You manage what I think is that most elusive of goals -- integrating truly literary writing with great story telling. Your characterizations and descriptions are just outstanding!
Good luck with this!
--Tod

Commendable work, highly appreciated, on my watch list now.

For a YA this books is well written. The character draws you in and holds you. You want to get to know Coo. I have rated with high stars. Best of luck with the book as it approaches the desk.
Regards, Red
Illusions of Comfort

Hi Cariad,

I've just read your first chapter and I love the way you describe things. I am transported right into the story and held captivated. Your writing style is fast paced, which I think is extremely sought after in a YA novel. I like the characters and am quickly intrigued by the protagonist. Great job. I'll definitely make time to read more.

Alex
(Nebulosity)