Sea Skater

A good ending to chapter two. I also liked the remonstrations from the teacher. Not a likeable character at all and made you sympathise with Marie. I am a teacher myself and I found I cringed when I read this, as some teachers still take part in belittling students not a pleasant thing to hear about.
I think your descriptions are well thought out and paint a vivid picture, I just wonder whether they could be cropped a little to make sure they don't eat up your plot. Sometimes too much can distract the reader from the storyline. Most of the editors critiques that I've read often quote 'less is more'. Just something to think on.
Best of luck with this, have star rated. Jacoba

I decided to have another read of chapters 3 - 5. I think that this has a lot of potential. It's imaginative & original. You show good writing skill with some nice descriptions. Also the POV which is with Marie in some chapters and with Felisha in other chapters is very good as you get in side their heads and show us their feelings well. I think this is especially good when you show us Marie's thoughts which are trying to understand the strange experiences she has. I think with some editing and some work on the structure this story could be improved.

Chapter 2 is exciting as something happens to Marie but then we have to wait two chapters to find out what happened. Chapters 4 & 5 change POV to Felisha & although they are interesting they are not exciting enough at this stage when you want to keep the reader's interest. The reader has started to care about Marie and wants to know what happened to her. The reader doesn't want to switch POV yet I think. How about moving chapter 5 so it's chapter 3? Also agents usually want to see just 3 chapters at first so I think having three chapters with Marie going into the different world be a good start to the story that you could submit.

Tim
VITALITY

SEA SKATER
Fantasy is not my genre but this is great imagination. You've created a really magical tale with some lovely visual scenes and creative language. Marie is a good, solid character who is easy to like. Original story plotting and showing some great descriptions. I enoyed reading this!
Good luck
Faith

The Assassins' Village

Good description, good characters, good story. Was a pleasure to read this. Backed.

Tam G

A very original tale, manifested from the doldrums of the primary school classroom. Well written, good imagery, effective character development.

Backed
Scorselo

An engaging fantasy adventure with well-rounded, complex characters. Wonderful imagry. Sparkling dialogue. Spot on storytelling. Confident writing. A pleasure to read. Backed.

Very descriptive and well written.
Backed

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

The fantasy aspect of this story is well done. I particularly like the concept of sea skaters and I think they will appeal to every reader of every age.
It is easy to empathise with Marie and her boredom. That resonates with most people, too. It is a shame it is a doorway that she passes through because that is hardly original. However, the theme of Marie's association with the Skater and absorption into or by it is unusual I haven't read the whole, but this is the aspect of the book which you should major in.
Well done for straightforward writing and a strong, sympathetic MC.
Lara
Good for Him

Hi Ruth, when I was your age I was writing business reports. At that time I could only dream of putting more than 5,000 words together, and not only that, in a manner that would make sense and would capture the attention of a reader. You've done a fantastic job; as I read, you involved me with Marie in a way that, even as a man, I was becoming your main character. I admire your expertise with words and the magic you create with them.

Backed with the utmost pleasure!

David Placeres
Sunless Shadows

eeh! this is beautiful, loved every bit of it.the description suberbly vivid. promise to back once i sort out issues with my shelf

A rollicking tale, evocative and with a feel all it's own. Both dialogue and narrative are pleasing to read, the characters are engaging and the pace is spot on. This has an originaliy I find endearing. I like this. Thank you. KA.

Wonderful imagery that brings the writing alive and captures the imagination.
It reads easily and is consistant.
One of the best in the Y A category.

Jane

Ruth, fantasy isn't my usual line (my book is an SAS-based thriller with a strong romantic element), but wow - what an imagination!
Few nitpicks - 10 feet would be better as ten feet - its instead of it's - if Marie cried out her "Arggh" should really have an exclamation mark.
But I like this, and your simple voice, and am Watchlisting it for the moment.
Best,
Peter Wild
Double Action

Hi Ruth, love the immediacy of this world. marie comes instantly to life; i feel for her from the get-go.
on my shelf.
saw a few tiny editing thoughts that might make sense. if not, pls ignore ;)
"Marie," She barked "Am I ...?" her beady ... - "Marie," she barked, "am I ... ?" Her beady ...
"remained closed lipped" - "remained close-lipped"
great story. best wishes, andy

A highly imaginative work that I enjoyed immensely. I enjoyed the description of Marie being pulled through the doorway by the electrical force then several chapters later when she woke the strange forest. I'll be back to read more when I get a little time. Backed for now.

You've definitely created a lovable hero (antihero?) that I think many could relate to, and you've certainly got a beautifully excessive imagine to make your story fun to read. The absence of some punctuation marks, particularly around the dialogue, make it a little difficult, but otherwise, yeah, top notch!

Beautifuly written and imagined, this has a fabulous air of myth
which caught me from the first line.
Hope it goes well for you.......... mikegilli The Free

Hi Ruth,
I taught in UK Primary schools for many years. I'd like this one for the classroom shelf.
Backed with real pleasure. Original and well-written.
Best wishes, Barry

Ruth . As a childrens book writer [arn't we all!] I read your book and feel you have hit your market readers' need spot on. I will definately back this. I assume it is for the 9 to 11 year market, looking at the length.
I would appreciate you looking at my childrens book - Paperbat adventures - which is for 5 to 8 year market.
Jerry [paperbat]

A very entertaining tale, ideal for its target audience. I found much to appeal to the adult reader as well

Field Worker Felisha has moral scruples when a four legged sea skater is brought in to harbour by the local fishermen. Tha rest of the village have no qualms about hunting and killing these creatures, but Felisha has her doubts, and confides them to her only friend.
The message that something can be hunted to extinction is subtlety engaged in ' Sea Skater' and with the great descriptive writing and interesting story i have no trouble giving it my backing
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

There are some great lines in this story and it shows a lot of imagination. I wish you the best of luck with this. Backed, with pleasure.

Carol

Only read the first few pages so far, but this is definitely the kind of book that can get me in trouble (ie. When did it get to be 4am?). The writing is fun and sophisticated without being heavy. I've only just joined the site, so it's taking me a while to catch up on my reading. This story is definitely one I want to read more of though. Definitely on my shelf

D

Hi Ruth. I've read the first 5 chapters of Sea Skater. It starts well. I felt sympathy with Marie. The writing flows well & there are some great descriptions. I thought chapter 5 needs a bit of editing. I noticed a lot of sentences starting with she. Also some times there's a bit too much explanation perhaps. Like when Marie is trying to explain what is happening to her. But overall I like your writing & your story. Sea Skater is welcome on my shelf. Tim (Vitality)

'She, like her students, was cooking in the unprecedented heat wave', the oppressive heat almost comes off the page. The age-old but ever-fresh battle between authority and the teenager, coupled with sibling rivalry, sets Marie up as the ideal teen protagonist, and with breath smelling of tobacco and moudly cheese, Ragshaw makes a suitably despicable enemy. A literally mad dash as Marie tries to outrun her anger. Instead she runs, through a dramatic storm, to somewhere she's never been before… Vivid writing that details the images with clarity and draws us relentlessly into this adventure … backed.

Possible nits: 'Your grades are slipping faster than a landslide', I'm not sure I'd put such a neat line in Ragshaw's mouth. 'the surface of her corneas', a bit too clinical? Watch out for series of sentences beginning with the same word, e.g. 'She'

got the feel of curious incident of the dog in the nighttime about it
very clever style
shelved

this is a gem from the start. a very good story, written well. on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Hi Ruth

A few small things:

You're missing a few apostrophes: "teachers voice", "birds voice"
"not even she had the power to rewind time" - why the "not even"? does she have any other special powers that she knows about?
spelling - "specs" not "specks" - I was wondering for a moment what specks these were: specks of dust? specks of food?
I was a bit puzzled about the threat about failing her exams. Up till then I'd thought this was an English school. But in an English school you don't get held back a year for failing exams, so why would it be a problem, even if Ragshaw did withdraw her from that particular paper? Perhaps it is not an English school? But then other things (like "playground" instead of "schoolyard") seem to suggest that it is?

You have drawn a sympathetic character in Marie and you describe her situation well. I thought the first chapter could move a bit faster, or possibly introduce a hint of what the plot is going to be, but overall it was a good start. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

You have a fascinating tale that is exceptionally well written. I like your descriptions, such as: "The smell of fertile life rose from the ground, unlocked from its dry prison." (chapter 2) This looks to be quite an adventure!

Backed

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Ruth,
Skater is a work of extraordinary imagination. It has tremendous appeal to young adult readers of fantasy.

Great story developing here...poor Marie...I think children will love her and be anxious to see that she does indeed NOT fail!
backed,
Barbara

You are totally fantastic, Ruth! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Ruth
Still think this is one of the most captivating book covers on this site...What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished. I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Hi Ruth
A really magical tale with some lovely visual writing and creative language. Marie is a solid character who you make easy to like. My only point was that the cover seemed a little more aimed at the younger market whereas the story and language appeared more early teens. Overall though, you have a great imagination and this works nicely.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Dear Ruth, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

HI! I love your work here. I think that the story is a great idea, but i wonder if your writing is geared more towards jr. high and high school when the story itself is geared towards elementary and young jr. High school. I know that the kids i work with (8&10) would totally love this, especially the ten year old boy, but your lack of dialogue and so much descriptive narrative might loose his attention. I think if you added some of the description into dialogue it might make it a little age level. That's just an opinion and it doesn't mean you have to change anything, i just know that when the 8 year old girl reads and sees so much narration, she goes 'this is too long, can't we read something shorter?' but if i give her the same story with more dialogue, same word count and same #of pages, she goes, "Oooo, i want to read this one"...just an observation.

anyways, wonderful work :-) backed!
Sofia

Great premise, and cover. I honestly wonder if you need Ch 1: why not start with action (Ch 2?) A bored Marie in a classroom runs the risk of alienating your readers. I noticed a few typos, eg A muffled creek rose up to her windows (do you mean the sound -creak- not body of water? But the idea of a reptilian sea skater, wonderful! All the best for this one. Backed.

Ragshaw is mean! Nasty! I already hate her and I've only read chapter 1. You obviously have me hooked! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Hello Ruth,
And congrats on an amazing book cover which is the first thing to attract your potential reader. Your pitch both short and long really prompted me to read your work and I am so glad I did as it did not disappoint. So well crafted with characters that just popped into my head and did not want to leave.

BACKED by me for sure.....My book is a different genre but crossing over gave me the opportunity to comment and back your talent. Please take the time to comment on mine so I may improve my skill, and if you feel so back it.

Best of luck
Denise
The Letter

A very interesting and unique read, with prose suited for a YA market and wonderfully vivid descriptions. You definitely bring us to a new and different world.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

This is a terrific read, you can certainly write and know how to involve the reader in your story.

Great work, happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice

What a great opening, felt so real I could have been back in one of my past classrooms, my teacher was a technical drawing teacher.
What is impressive about this is your use of multi-sensory description, your not just tied to visual like so many. Just read up to the water pouch and the storyline has grown very intriguing. Hope this does well. – Good luck!

Hi Ruth. With the heat we have at the moment, I really felt like I was there in the classroom with Marie. Mrs Ragshaw certainly knows how to bring her down. Poor Marie then has the wrath of the storm to cope with, her anger came across well. I liked the door. Felisha's character was a good contrast. I sympathised with Marie's character and after the strange bird she encountered I wondered if anything was going to go right for her. Really enjoyed reading this. Backed and best of luck! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

Hi Ruth, The synopsis was really unusual and even whimsical. When I started reading, I found that the expression of Marie’s boredom was enjoyable to follow. The description of Mrs. Ragshaw and her actions was also involving. This outset is so well-rendered, introducing Marie’s personality without having to tell much about her, that I feel confident I would enjoy the writing when she encounters the skaters. Felisha’s world is quaint by contrast. Wish I could read on today. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Ruth,
Immensely wonderfully written story. Well suited fOr the age group.

Extremely happy to back you.

THE THIRD EYE

Great, unique story! I think it's got a wonderful message and will be popular. I love that you've given us something completely new, that's what i like to see. A little jealous of your imagination....

Thanks for sharing this with us!
Missy

Your predominate use of short paragraphs and concise, realistic dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. I like how you develope both Marie and Felisha and your storyline is pleasantly unique. Your imaginative writing style ensures that your fantasy will have broad appeal with the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I suppose there are quite a few teachers like Miss Ragshaw. You've done a good job with her. The description in ch2 when Marie finally gets out of class is brilliant - really atmospheric and intimidating with detailed description. You've obviously pictured the entity vividly and you convey that to us.
One thing I noticed - a comma is missing at the end of the dialogue before the final quotation marks -eg- 'Arggh,' Marie cried out in pain. Brilliant, though. Backed. Lynn

Hi Ruth,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

I love this! Title, cover art and all! What a gifted imagination you have and the talent to put it to words! Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room