The Adventures Of Lloyd Boyd - And other short children's stories

Hi Angela!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. Special offer for former Authonomy backers between now and the formal launch on Sept 1st: If you would like to receive a “Review” copy of the eBook (plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really), go to the website, click the “Contact” button, and leave a message that includes your Authonomy username and the secret code words “I Feel the Rush!” Details of this promo will be emailed to you. Thanks!

Dear Angela

Such a well crafted pitch both short and long..... What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now done. I have already commented and backed it a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Welcome aboard, Angela. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. For this genre, both pitches work. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Thank you to everyone for all of the feedback (positive, and constructive criticism). Thank you for helping me grow as a writer. I'm hoping to do some more online reading in the near future, and to return the favor.

Our house has been hit with medical annoyances. My son and I both had surgery 3 weeks apart, and then we've had summer colds and sinus infections. Now my baby needs dental work done under sedation. Anyway, life's crazy (and fun) with 4 kids. Best of luck to all.

Angela

There's real joy in these!
I think you have an amazing collection here.
(You have uploaded submission codes through 8).
Think you have some brilliant stories in these.

Very amusing but try to make it more reader-friendly by sorting out the text into paragraphs of manageable length with separate dialogue...there are quite a few issues with syntax and construction...the style and tone seem rather more like a diary of reminiscences than a work of fiction...I hope this is helpful
Good luck
Stewart

I have read up to chapter seven...laughing with Lloyd and his antics (my favorite story was the homework excuses...I have two boys and saw them in Lloyd!)...the doll story was filed with a lesson on patience and obedience...then, I laugh again at the parent being locked out in the snow and kids climbing through bathroom windows falling in the tub...I could see it all unfold! Next, I get to Savannah and felt a tug on the heart strings....you took me through a series of emotions while reading your collection - and it was worth every bit of time spent...I never knew what I would find next or what I would discover or how it would make me feel...wonderfully written piece...Good luck with this! I would definately want a copy of this book to read orally with my children. Sincerely, April

Hi Angela, Lloyd’s excuses and the documentation are hilarious. Mrs. Easton has a future lawyer in her classroom. This is a story where the joke extends and expands so that when Lloyd does lie with his April Fools joke, the whole thing is a scream. A different and yet traditional story for children. Like me, they would probably want to read more. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Your book seems very, very lovely to me, and as a mother, I back it wholeheartedly.

You make Lloyd's life sound idyllic with the description at the opening. It's a lovely story for children, vivid and clear when Lloyd finds the lizard under the stone, and so funny when it bites Cameron's nose I can hear them laughing already. Then he's off on his adventures with a red snake in ch 2.
There's a bit of a mix-up with punctuation -eg- 'No one messes with Lloyd Boyd and gets away with it,' he told the lizard. (There shouldn't be a full stop before inverted commas or a capital letter after them. Editors will frown on this, hope you don't mind me mentioning it.)
They're delightful stories however and need only a bit of an edit to make them saleable. Very best. Backed. Lynn

ANGELA’S THOUGHTS
This is an interesting collection of short stories and poems. I read the poetry (loved “I’m proud to be your mommy”) and the story about the snow. I’m not sure if there’s a market out there for a book with both stories and poems. I’m wondering if you could combine these in a more coherent way (the poems relate to the stories?) to make this feel more of a finished piece? Either way, I enjoyed reading this. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Angela. Your writing is as aspiring as the inspiration you had to write them. All of the main characters are so different. I loved Angela and the way she taunted Lloyd. There is lots of humor that brightens each story. It would be nice if you could split the dialogue. Backed and best of luck with this collection! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

What fun. LLoyd certainly is full of life and keeps every one entertained. I do hope that his lizard eventually won his freedom. As for the injured pupil I was delighted that no one had put in claims for compensation! If Lloyd had walked into my classroom with a tarantula on his arm I wouldn't have been as calm and unemotional as Mrs Easton. Good Luck, backed. Anne

BEAUTIFUL stories.

Thank you.

Barry

LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

I do have some children's picture books on blurb. If anyone is interested in seeing them. Their targeted for young children. If you're a mother and have had a baby, I think you'll find the first one tender and sweet. It's called, "I Love Being Your Mommy." All of my picture books are written in rhyme, for younger children's enjoyment. Thanks all.
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1279910 (I Love Being Your Mommy)
http://www.blurb.com/books/1225201 (My Two Little Dinosaurs)
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1227413 (Work Will Win When Wishy Washy Wishing Won't)
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1232642 (Take An Aspirin And Deal With It!)
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/960598 (My Four Little Monkeys)

Definitely a wonderful storyteller in the making here. An ideal book for children to teach them the way of the world.

The only nit I spotted was 7 should be seven.
Great writing
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Just read chapters three and four...still wonderful storytelling. You have great lessons in your stories...especially about the prized doll, the lecture was a little long at the end but sooo well worth it and spot on! I died laughing imagining my kids probably could do the same to me taking out the dog so I best remember to start sliding my keys in my pocket - even a grown up can learn a new lesson from a kid's book....you also made me want to go and wake my two boys up and tickle them with our "red light" tickle game! Just a wonderful selection of stories you have put together! Jen

Dear Angela, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

Jen.

Thank you for the positive feedback. I didn't mind the suggestions at all. I think they're very good. I especially like the one about "experiencing the discovery channel first hand." Thank you for commenting on my book. It made me really excited. I'm glad someone likes my character. I'll have to tell my little brother he's a hit! :-) Good luck with your work as well.

I loved chapter two...ol' Lloyd Boyd Strikes Again...I love this character. I remember in 5th grade my teacher reading us something called Jack Tales every afternoon before the bell..this reminds me of that...short little read alouds for teachers to use in class as a fill-in. The homework excuses were hilarious!!!! I loved the explanations...and the car burning...pictures to prove everything with a note to boot...just wonderful writing. I am sorry that I have commented twice, but I just had to come back....I pray for your success on here...good luck!!! Jen

Hey, I just finished up with ol' Lloyd Boyd...my seven year old son would LOVE this story. You had me going to google to see if lizards get rabies...and my search results showed that they don't...the prinicpal could wink at Lloyd behind Cameron's back and whisper to Lloyd as if it were a little secret between them to try to teach Cameron a lesson for snooping in backpacks...I loved it when Lloyd screamed like a girl! My son would love that!! When he realized that he was holding the tail, maybe don't put the info about what happens to the lizard for a defense in paranthesis...maybe do something like, Lloyd was experiencing the Discovery Channel first hand...he'd remembered seeing how lizards could detach but wouldn't have believed it unless he'd seen it with his very own eyes, or held a tail in his very own hands...when they are off to lunch, you say they go to the lunchroom and eat their lunch...tell me what they are eating and make it something gross, like liver pudding or something that boys will go yuck when they read it...and how it might have tasted worse than bugs so Lloyd decided to stash some in his pockets for an after recess snack for his pet...With having two rowdy boys of my own, I just love this story...feels so real to me...brilliantly done! I hope that you don't take my suggestions as bad criticism...you have a wonderful storytelling style, I just have a big mouth sometimes...Great Job!!! Sincerley, Jen

Hey, I just finished up with ol' Lloyd Boyd...my seven year old son would LOVE this story. You had me going to google to see if lizards get rabies...and my search results showed that they don't...the prinicpal could wink at Lloyd behind Cameron's back and whisper to Lloyd as if it were a little secret between them to try to teach Cameron a lesson for snooping in backpacks...I loved it when Lloyd screamed like a girl! My son would love that!! When he realized that he was holding the tail, maybe don't put the info about what happens to the lizard for a defense in paranthesis...maybe do something like, Lloyd was experiencing the Discovery Channel first hand...he'd remembered seeing how lizards could detach but wouldn't have believed it unless he'd seen it with his very own eyes, or held a tail in his very own hands...when they are off to lunch, you say they go to the lunchroom and eat their lunch...tell me what they are eating and make it something gross, like liver pudding or something that boys will go yuck when they read it...and how it might have tasted worse than bugs so Lloyd decided to stash some in his pockets for an after recess snack for his pet...With having two rowdy boys of my own, I just love this story...feels so real to me...brilliantly done! I hope that you don't take my suggestions as bad criticism...you have a wonderful storytelling style, I just have a big mouth sometimes...Great Job!!! Sincerley, Jen

Dear Angela, I love you darling stories. :) Hope you will write many more. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs (you may want to cut them into 2 or many more for us with short attention spans who tend to skip the middles) & lots of dialogue (if you put each one in an individual paragraph, it would flow quickly), it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
backed :)
Love, Susie :)