Freddie, Bill and Irving

Hi Paul,

'Mum has an undisclosed job' fantastic. Who would not want to know what that is?

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Hi Paul,
wonderfully written, very visual prose. A pleasure to read and an absorbing story. 5 stars from me.

Two niggles (feel free to ignore):
1) Using 'Mum' all the time made me think one of the boys was narrating (or another child). It was only halfway through chapter 1 that I worked out it was an omnicient narrator. Perhaps just call her by her name, instead of Mum.
2) You've got a YA tag, but this doesn't feel YA, it feels like an adult book about childhood. From what I've been told, publishers won't publish YA fiction unless it is from the POV of someone in the age range of the readership. There are stories of even very well known authors having to re-write from a younger POV. I had a similar problem and as soon as I changed it I started getting queries from agents.
All the best,
Sharda.
P.S. We were doing a read swap, please take a look at mine when you get the chance.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Thanks for your backing of Tamria, I'm here to repay the debt. Hope you'll drop a comment on my book as well, I like those!

On the whole I think this is very good, it's well-written and endearing and the dialogue is excellent. My main problem is that your chapter 1 is too long - the longest I've seen on this site. It looks to be around 10,000 words, possibly more. My longest chapter is 1k and most are around 4k. You've got four scenes here (Prologue not included), so you could probably turn this into two chapters. There are other comments below. I hope you'll find these useful.

Rated five stars. If you can work out the little niggles I mention you've got a decent book here!

James

***

“like the tentacles of an octopus” – great simile!

“Dad was called from beyond protecting screens…” – how about “Dad was summoned”? You had “Mum was ordered” in a previous sentence, I think this sounds more dramatic!

There’s a lot happening in passive here. “Mum was ordered…”, “….the babies were washed”, “…[the twin boys] were placed …”, “Dad was called…”, “William and Frederick had been chosen…”, “… the names were proudly uttered…” I wonder if you should make this scene more active. No need to change all the passive phrases – here’s how it might go:

The midwives ordered Mum to relax, while they washed the babies. Swathed in large white towels, the two figures were laid in the arms of a damp, but radiant Mum. The doctor summoned Dad from beyond the protecting screen to see his twin sons. He and his wife had chosen William and Frederick as the boys’ names, and the names were now proudly uttered for the first time.

“bustle of clearing away around them” – I’d lose “of clearing away.” Just a simpler: “despite the bustle around them.”

“It was then that…” – an awkward set-up to a scene. A simpler “Suddenly” might do. “Dad sat on the edge of the bed beside Mum, and the four of them had a few moments together despite the bustle around them. Suddenly a midwife observed Mum grimace.”

Why aren’t Mum and Dad given names? So far this story hasn’t been narrated from the POV of the children, who would call them “Mum” and “Dad.” They haven’t even spoken their first words yet, so they *haven’t* used those words! We know from the off that these two are the parents. If “Mum” and “Dad” are important characters, they need to have names – even if they are mostly referred to as “Mum” and “Dad” – because names are suggestive of personality. Even if it’s something bland like Sue and Dave, I think you should give them names.

“Freddie and Bill looked ceiling-wards” – don’t you mean “looked like ceiling-wards” ?

“One word from either of them’ – I think lose “of them”. “One word from either would set Irving off one of his tirades and then they would never be out of the door.”

“en route” is a French phrase, and is usually italicized. Mind you, it’s been adopted as an English expression so maybe it doesn’t need to be.

“within Mum’s contact” – how about “within Mum’s hearing-range” ? “contact” just sounded a little odd.

I notice that we haven’t seen description of any of the characters yet. Bill, Fred and Irving are all twelve years old – what do they look like? Are they tall for their age, fat/skinny, fair/dark-haired, do any of them have acne? Have their voices broken yet? Are they identical triplets? These are important clues to their characters. Even a little bit of character description could go a long way. If they’re not identical and are all very different in looks, that could be important too. In my story, the chief characters are all VERY different, and this makes them easier to like and separate. Dio is the athletic, mischievous one, Cassius the arrogant intelligent one, Brutus the dumb strong one, Coren the “normal” one. Maybe Bill and Fred should be very similar, but Irving’s looks and personality different, to mark him out as the unexpected third child.
And how old is Mum? Haven’t seen that stated yet. I’m guessing somewhere in her mid-thirties, so she would have been around 23-25 when she gave birth. Assuming that she was about the same age as her husband… It would be difficult to reconcile a 40-year-old man running off with a 17-year-old girl! (Although it does happen.)

‘quick as a flash” – it’s a cliché, but perhaps not out-of-place in a light-hearted story.
“rising to the bait” – again, a cliché, but considering the tone, you might just get away with it.
“defusing the tension” – two clichés in close proximity – possibly. Three, that’s overdoing it. Tone down the clichés.

“Where,” I said, “did you get this tat from?” – since Mum is repeating herself in this sentence, you need to make that clear with extra speech marks, because at the moment it looks as if the narrator (“I”) has suddenly popped in. “’Where,’ I said, ‘did you get this tat from?’ Marcia repeated”

“now pretending that she had not heard and now embarrassed” – lose one of the “now”s, you’re repeating a word. “said Marcia, pretending that she had not heard and now embarrassed…”

“I don’t think that these are the sort of people that you should be mixing wit h Marcia” – cut the “that”s out of this dialogue, it’ll make it much smoother. “I don’t think these are the sort of people you should be mixing with, Marcia.” And note also the comma introduced before “Marcia” – important because the speaker is addressing her.

“about our Mum” – “Mum” should be lower-case here, because of the way it’s being used. “about our mum.”

Paul, I just read chapter 1 and it was quite entertaining, watching the boys in their antics. You write well, and the story flows smoothly. I didn't find any errors that needed correcting. You edited your manuscript very good!

The only thing, I wonder, is if the moving to the aunt's shouldn't take place sooner? Just my opinion, of course. It helps to set up the story for the reader, to know where the book is going.

Again, very good and I wish you luck with this novel!

Sincerely,

D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

Dear Paul,

This is a brilliant story. The boys are just lovable and Irving is downright hilarious. I could tell that this was going to be an all-out entertainer from the pitch and by the end of Ch 1, I wasn’t disappointed one bit. The humour is excellent and the misadventures of the triplets make for a charming read. The opening sequence at the hospital was fantastic as it set the mood perfectly for what followed.

Overall, it’s an extremely well written piece and I really don’t have anything negative to say about it or offer much in the form of a critique. Just a small observation here. The first chapter introduces all the major characters and consequently, the reader is ‘told’ a great deal about all their backgrounds. Normally, this would create an information overload and cause impediments in the narrative, but not here. The style of writing is so very interesting and funny that the story did not drag for a moment and I was compelled to read on.
My rating: 6 stars (absolutely!)

Best regards,
AGC

Dear Paul,

This is a brilliant story. The boys are just lovable and Irving is downright hilarious. I could tell that this was going to be an all-out entertainer from the pitch and by the end of Ch 1, I wasn’t disappointed one bit. The humour is excellent and the misadventures of the triplets make for a charming read. The opening sequence at the hospital was fantastic as it set the mood perfectly for what followed.

Overall, it’s an extremely well written piece and I really don’t have anything negative to say about it or offer much in the form of a critique. Just a small observation here. The first chapter introduces all the major characters and consequently, the reader is ‘told’ a great deal about all their backgrounds. Normally, this would create an information overload and cause impediments in the narrative, but not here. The style of writing is so very interesting and funny that the story did not drag for a moment and I was compelled to read on.
My rating: 6 stars (absolutely!)

Best regards,
AGC

Dear Paul,
I'm really enjoying this !
Will comment soon in details.
Regards,
AGC

Hi Paul, Oh, so entertaining characters. I had started this before but hadn't gotten to the part about Torchy and Lester's pursuit on the train. The triplets are boys that will be boys while these two guys are adult trouble. You've pulled off the boys seeming to be at normal mischief but part of that seems to be that they work together. That's my one thought about this - that they might come more as individuals. The tension with the potential power of the adult men to really throw these boys kept me reading. And the description, always keeping with the action, is excellent. You know how to select and give an atmosphere even when these triplets are on the go. Shelved and many stars - Katherine

i really liked this. their characters have loud personalities and they are just a joy to read about. i also love your short pitch. it hooked me and made me want to read more. one thing i found a little confusing was exactly who your target audience is. at first i thought this was a childrens book due to the cover, just my first instinct, but then i noticed you set it as YA. other than that, very enjoyable read and rated highly.

hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts,
melissa :)

This is so funny! These boys are a handful. You've got a great humor in the writing and it doesn't distract from the fact you've also got a very well written story. You've aimed it at YA but I think adults will get something else entirely from this. I really got a sense of the boys, all the same and yet different. Nice way of conveying that as well as keeping up the pace. I'll put them on my shelf soon and hope they don't make me regret it ;)

Missy

First impression before even starting in on the book was awesome. That pitch has a feeling of a classic children's adventure. I don't see enough of those types of books on the market these days. I loved those types of stories as a child! Okay, I thought that your first chapter was a little long. This is the best piece of advice I ever received from a fellow critiquer of children's lit. I cut down my chapter and VOILA more readers. Something to think about any way....Also what age for children are you writing for? Some of the sentences seemed a little wordy and could be simplified without "talking down" to the reader. Check out the link I posted under the forums(Go to Children's under Genres) for Penguin Publishing. There is a link that helps you identify if your language use is correct for the age group. Good luck with this! 6 stars from me!

Ashley

This is a charming story. The descriptions and characterizations are first rate and the triplets are very appealing despite their mischievous natures. Your writing style is very enjoyable. Adults would enjoy this book as much as younger readers.
I have given it high stars.
Good luck with it.
Valerie

Dear Mark

Thank you very much for your comments. I'm glad that you enjoyed the book. I will get round to looking at your book as soon as I can.

Best wishes

Paul

Paul

This book is absolutely hilarious, particularly chapter two which features the disastrous, for everyone but the boys, train journey to Scotland. At the beginning of the journey you really do have no idea as to how far the boys will go to cause trouble, whilst maintaining a carefully painted picture of innocence to the outside world. There are several laugh out loud moments in this chapter and when the colonel, drunk on malt whisky, started to blast away at the grouse on the platforms of Crewe railway station I was just helpless with laughter.

The story builds with wonderful descriptions and the introduction of more well written characters, all gravitating towards an explosive finale where the boys once again cause mayhem, but emerge triumphant.

An excellent adventure and very funny.

Mark Shakespeare Fletcher
Charlie and the men in shoes

Hello Paul,
Ch.1
It seems a bit odd to mention that the names were chosen as male names. If the boys had been cursed with female names or sexless ones like River or Daffodil.
“…to hall up the sheet…” = “haul”
“… looked beneath in the direction…” maybe “down” would be better
Ch.2
“Lester was now without a job as a consequence partly of the boys actions…” better as = “Lester was now without a job partly as a consequence of the boys actions…”
“…the office, another manager…” good place to break a long sentence = “…the office. Another manager…”
“In fact # the errors…” # = missing comma.
First you say the Colonel had a rifle then it was a shotgun – the two are not one and the same. I think you mean shotgun because two cartridges were loaded and rifles do not have cartridges.
Chapter ends in mid-sentence
Ch.3
The room was gloomy because the curtains had not yet been drawn. This does not make sense because drawn curtains are closed!
“…paper folder in one hand…” What is a folder? Maybe should be ‘folded’
Cheeky little brats – in my day they’d had their backsides so well tanned that they couldn’t sit for a week.
“fifty five” needs a hyphen
“George Roberts…” Ahem, is he all of a sudden related to Norman? Should be Robinson.
Chapter 3 ends in mid-sentence and it seems that Chapter 4 has a chunk missing at the end.
Ch.5
“stanes were put…” should it be stones or shots?

I like your easy to read style and the minimum of mistakes. The story somewhat like an evil incarnation of the escapades of Richmal Crompton’s “William”. Perhaps it should be in the adult only category so as not to give the dwarves any more ideas than they already glean from TV. What a pity you only uploaded a tiny portion. Although I liked what was available I find it hard to assess an incomplete work. Things like plot, character development, etc can only be fully appreciated once the entire book has been read. If you do put more on the site then send me a message and I will gladly comment further and probably increase your star rating.
Best wishes, Charles Dyer (Mach100)

Hi Paul,
Perfect fun cover for a fun book. Reminds me a lot of horrid Henry only x3. Triplet trouble is a great idea and you really have created three cheeky monkeys. You do a good job of pulling the reader back into the 1960’s. I just wonder about the length of chapter 1 for your target audience. It seemed very long to me and I wonder how YA would contend with it.
Really enjoyed the fun here. Time allowing I would certainly indulged in more.
Janny

Hi Andi
Thanks for your comment. I have had a look at your 1st chapter and will try to put together a review tomorrow.

Your comment on the Hitler moustache thing - I can see why you are surprised but it is a very much UK thing for that generation - Hitler remained very much in the consciousness of the post 2nd world war decades and the Hitler moustache is just a reference to the appearance - not the person and certainly not the politics. Hope that helps to explain.
Best wishes
Paul

Hi Paul,

I like this very much. I especially like the story of the triplets arrival in the world, and then the shift to twelve years later. It's clear that they're up to no good sometimes, but they're probably not really bad guys. One thing I did not like was the HItler moustache. Whoa, I'm reading along, charming young adult story, and all of a sudden - Hitler????

Otherwise, lovely story, giving lots of stars. And of course, thank you again for backing Animal Cracker.

All my best,
Andi

I loved this book, Paul. It's a cross between 'Jennings' and 'Just William', books that I still enjoy reading although I'm a sixty year old grandmother. I love the cheekiness of the triplets and the misfortunes of poor Lester who reminds me of Frank Spencer in 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave Them'. Though it's a little old for children, I think it's great for young adults/adults. Backed and on w'l.

Kate Grimes - LIZZIE - CUPPA TALES -TALES OF WILLOW GREEN - ANNIE

Freddie, Bill and Irving
Hi Paul. I’ve just read your first chapters and had so much fun following the antics of the three boys. As others have mentioned before, I think, reminded me of an updated Just William kind of book. Great writing, full of humour and energy and one of the most enjoyable reads I have had here.
6 stars
Kat x Hens from Hell
ps Love your cover, too

Paul,

I started to read your prelude and it hooked me. Thought it was funny how Dad was only concerned about the name of the third child. Also funny how Mum wondered how he'd got someone so young in Peasmarsh ... lol.
Later on in the read I also liked the description that Marcia felt too good because her father was "someone important in the City" come to find that he's a lowly clerk who is keeping up appearances. lol.

The first chapter is woven so well, moving from different points of view while advancing the story. I must say i was very curious as to what the banner said and the suspense was killing me. This is a good example of how to get the reader invest in the story. I don't really have any negative comments as I found the author's voice to be confident and engaging. I also found the plot advanced at a steady pace. The change of scene/POV periodically also helps maintain the interest level. I'd only say watch out for some grammar errors (easily fixable) some unnecessary "had's" and "thats."

But a really lovely read that I'd recommend highly. Starred for now but I really would love to read on (when time permits perchance).

**Small corrections/nits:
Paragraph that starts with "Lester Michael Stellings" .. True(,) he worked in the City (replace the period with a comma).

Four months later he (delete: had) met Mum,
------

My very best wishes for you and this wonderful tale you've spun.
Kari

First off, I love your cover- perfect for your YA audience! The storyline is wonderful, even though there aren't many natural triplets in the world, a lot of kids know what it's like too have silly siblings! The descriptions and dialogue between the boys is engaging. The only thing I can really find to nitpict is that there is no period after Mr... but everything else seems good! Added to my shelf!

Brittany E.
Melaney and The Mirror/ My Last Notes

Hi Paul,

I've finally managed to get time to look at your book. Sorry it took a few days. :(

I'll comment as I read, since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offened by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. + you can always ignore me if you think I'm an idiot. ;)

Prelude: I love the descriptiveness of this, especially the "tentacles of an octopus". And I like the easy, readable style. The end of the section came as a nice suprise. I didn't expect the dad to run off with a girl. Quirky. I like it. ;)

I've 1 suggestion for dialogue. I'd suggest not overexplaining it. eg in " 'Irving?,' said Mum, some surprise in her voice... " you're telling the reader the mother's surprised. It's a bit like lecturing them. I think it'd be better to show the reader she's surprised through the dialogue itself or action. eg I'd suggest something like 'Irving?' Mum blinked. 'Why Irving?'

Last nitpick here, I promise. Dialogue by a new speaker should always start a new paragraph. So " "Irving," said Dad..." should be in a separate paragraph.

Chapter 1: Hmmm it looks like Irving's still the odd 1 out. You immediately make that clear. I like the bit with the tramp. Sounds like Irving's an ... interesting character. He's either bloody daft or an adventurer in a mundane world. ;)

I like the description of Mr Abrahams. I can almost see him.

I've 1 new suggestion on dialogue here, though. Wherever possible, lead off with dialogue instead of burying low down in a paragraph. It makes for a quicker and easier read that way. Most published books, if not all of them, seem to be written in that fashion these days.

Reading on. I like the boys winding up the grocer. I can imagine the poor sod's frustration. ;)

1 thing. Where possible, I'd suggest showing more and telling less. eg "... said Mr Abrahams, rising to the bait and getting flustered...". As with in the prelude, I think this would be more vivid if shown. Such a technique could really draw the reader into your story. I'd suggest something like "... said Mr Abrahams, face flushing..."

Reading on. Ah, those kids really are sods. Nicking stuff from the grocer :(. And the cakes too. These kids are like magpies. ;)

1 small thing. Occasionally, I think some of your longer sentences would read better shortened or split up. eg the sentence starting "It was not until thirty minutes and several customers later..." is a bit of a mouthful. I'd suggest splitting that 1 into 2. In general, have you considered reading your manuscript aloud to yourself? I always do that, and find it the easiest way to spot any sticky patches. Whenever I start running out of breath, I just take another look at the offending sentence. ;)

Reading on. I like the boys' ahem selling tactics. They really are manipulative little sods, aren't they? ;) Shock revelation that the Mum's on the game. That really came out of nowhere and makes a great hook at the end of the section.

I like Lester's intro, and the twist at the end of the sentence to "fraud." I think you've got a knock for veering off at daft tangents when unexpected ;). And the contrast with Cynthia's fun.

I also like the appearance guessing game. Cruel but fun.

Reading on. Bit of a disaster at the end of the chapter. Destruction galore. love the rubbish dump sign. :)

OK I'll stop now as I think I've read enough to get a feeling for your writing and the story. I thik you've a knack for writing comedy. You're good at lulling the reader into a state of relaxation, and then hitting them with a complete about face. The boys are well-drawn irritating and mischievious sods, and are fun to read. I just never want to have to meet 'em!

The main things I'd suggest are the showing over telling things I've already mentioned. I think that technique really helps draw readers in.

I've rated this highly, and will make a slot on my shelf as soon as I can clear a space.

Best of luck getting your book published,

Pete

I read the first few chapters of this and enjoyed them immensely. Your trio of heroes are endlessly amusing and engaging. I did wonder occasionally about the Young Adult tag, however. I could imagine this being more enjoyable for adults who have grown up reading Jennings and Just William and want a more adult take on the theme. The only other criticism I have is that I think you use the word 'building' too many times in the first sentence of the book! All in all, though, this was a very enjoyable read.

Anna
Angelwings

Paul,
Great story! I found it quite funny, I like how your sense of humor bleeds through. I was a little confused at first about where the narative was coming from, I couldn't tell until later in the first chapter (but that was probably just me =) Anyway, I have given it 6 stars and will back this week!

I had a little revisit of this as it was one of the first books I checked out when joining the site. Once again I enjoyed its playful tone. It reminds me very much of Just William and other tales of lovable trouble making boys. Great fun!

Paul -

Freddie, Bill and Irving - I love the prologue - 1955 and the story continues with subtle irony drawing me in with the triplets and their ingenious antics. Teens will treasure the streewise survival tips. All this and the drama ahead would draw me into the story. You know how to use words to great effect, which I admire. Highly rated and on my WL. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Paul

I started reading your romp and I thought I would give you my cent an a half

The first thing that impresses me is that you are the first writer in this site that knows how to set a landscape shot

precise...opening a crystal clear mind picture

If you read my comment section, I never get tired of stressing this.

Now you are like Premier league soccer: you get going at full phase from the start!
Is like driving a Ferrari

The precision of the descriptions are also eye popping:

"Quite large, mid forties...."

"little big of a pigged face...."

"his suit jacket....."

The verbal pyrotechnics are also well done...some of my favorites:

"warm but breeze sea front..."

"scrounged, purloined..."

"going up the drainpipe....."

"to the gangly one"

"the trio flopped down"

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost

My biggest concern here is with the Updike-like ruthless efficiency with which you write.
It is modernism at it's top.
The problem is that the YA audience you are writing for, no longer lives in modernity.
The live in a post modern world, one in which rap has inundated their ears.
And what rap does is force them to pay attention to language for, in rap language is the plot.

I do this...I do that....I think this...I think that....

This is something that R K Rowlings understood very well, making description in the Potter series as important as plot. I get to do a lot of YA commentary on this site, and what I see in their writings is the full influence of a style where description/opinion (specially quirky), a dialogue that constantly goes sideways and the insertion of poetry is the norm, this no doubt as a result of rap.

Now it seems to me that you have chosen to limit the amount of word play/description not because you don't know how to, but because you want to move the plot. For when you describe you do it better than any of the YA literature in this site

Thus, it is not the craft but the modernist tendency for ruthless efficiency that is at issue here.

My advice then is to increase the verbal pyrotechnics, knowing that you will be slowing down the plot.

Hope it helps,

David

I read chapter 1 today and found the antics of the triplets very funny. Irving falling into the privet bush, the bakery escapade, the triplet's banter at their stall, and the best - the mess they made of the Stelling's roof. I laughed when Irving went past Mr. Stellings' window twice, both times saying good morning. I loved his and his brothers' cheek.

Just a couple of nitpicks:
1) Your lines: Lester Stellings was a man of routine, was a man of stature, was seemingly a man of substance, and also was somewhat a fraud. True. he worked in the city...
My suggestion: Lester Stellings was a man of routine, a man of stature, and seemingly a man of substance ... and a fraud. True, he worked in the city...
2) The use of "Mum" and "Dad" as names, instead of their own, was a bit distracting. At first I thought there was another son watching the birth, but then I realised the titles were used as names.

Best wishes, Marita.

hehe very much like the beginning, hope to read more in the next few days so have put it on my watchlist :-) Karen

I adored the prelude! Those times were amazing, when they couldn't know how many babies for sure were in utero. What a surprise to expect 2, but have 3 instead! Maybe I just get overemotional about baby talk. Gave me happy tears reading that.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Great book. Love the descriptions of their kids and especially Mum. I like the way that you describe the individual characters and the descrions that you give.

An eye-catching, colourful cover & interesting short pitch followed by a well-written submission. This was a fun read, light-hearted and entertaining - a perfect escape from reality - well done. Your descriptions and observations are great and it is full of adventure and action. Best wishes - Paula Barrett (Cuthbert: How mean is my Valley?)

An adventuresome tale with a mischievous trio, always behind some kind of mayhem. A very entertaining story.

Fun, humour and a hint of mystery. Kids should love this - I did. I would happily back this.
All the best, Sana
Saffire Drake and the Three Keys

You have a talent for description and a great observation of people and events with well drawn characters and good dialogue.
Jane

Trouble brews thrice,
A toss of the dice,
Freddie, Bill and Irving,
Mischief, mayhen and vice?

Paul Bennett, best wishes with Freddie, Bill and Irving. Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Mischievious boys wreak havoc and contiually upset city broker and stationary expert Lester Stellings, a bowler hatted attired gentlemen of considerable standing. First they pull his chimney down, then they leave him abandoned on some first class train coaches and eventualy contribute to his arrest.
Misfortune and mayhem are the boys creed and they have no hesitation on making everybodys live a misery, with the exception of their mum.
Childhood innocence, captured eloquently in a bygone time.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

Regret I am not a fan of the narrative genre, always feel as if I am peeking in someone's diary. The pitch is quite good and narrative or not, the pace is brisk, so backed for potential BFP The Tails of Willie Gusty

Howdy Paul,
Firstly, thank you for backing LONDON. Enjoying your work! I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who enjoys a good tale. And, what also caught my eye, was SCOTLAND in your tag. Shall be visiting, I hope and pray, some day soon. Check out my roots. Ireland, Wales, too. Anyway, enjoying your story!

blessings,
jim

This is a very charming read. Opens well, comprehensive pitch too. There is something about this that lends itself to adaptation for screen ...

Very entertaining story told with ample wit. The three boys are engaging characters, as is Mum.

An engaging story with well developed, fun characters. Arresting settings. Lively dialogue. Vivid writing. Clever wit. Backed.

Dear Paul
well went to this book x 2 it is so good. loved the cover the pitch and the whole shebang. I have already commented and backed this book but cannot find the backing. so i will back it again just to make sure.. the very best of luck with this great read
if you have already backed my book thank you SO MUCH, if not that is OK also
the VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

Hi Paul

This is an affectionate engaging trip back in time that seems to filled with sunshine and good humour, in spite of the family's perilous financial situation. You have a nice colloquial prose style that suits the narrative, natural dialogue and likeable heroes. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

A very entertaining children's crime story, reminiscent of the books I used tio read hwen I was a child; and a good depiction of mid-century childhood. Should appeal to the nostalgia market as well as to modern children

Lynne Ellison


The Green Bronze Mirror

Dear Paul,
I enjoy your cover and find your pitch to be just right. I can tell the book will be humorous and mischievous. Mum goes through a lot in the prologue, then seems resigned about Dad leaving. This might be a touch unrealistic as she's now got three little ones to care for, an exhausting job. But I like the way you've humorously portrayed the family. Nice writing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Please excuse the following message if I’ve already sent it to you. Sometimes I get confused! Thanks.

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book (already done -thanks!) and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

A terrific read. since i had to find out how you were going to end it, i had to keep reading. Thoroughly enjoyable.
Backed.
Please cast your eye over ' the compulsive adventurer'. A travel tale with a BIG difference.
Thanks
Mike

Hooray I got to you at last sorry the wait has been so long. I was a little thrown at the start I thought this was a children’s book judging by the cover but soon discovered that was defiantly not the case. I’m intrigued by whatever it is mum does as it must bring in a reasonable amount to feed them but the fact that the boys beg stuff for their stall inclines me to believe they have to raise more money some how. At the moment the only endearing one is Irving . The other two are rude and brattish. Mum seems nice though. If I had to nit pick it would be there is far too much tell not enough show. There are some large chunks of text crying out for some dialogue, just my opinion of course.

Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley- I hope you have a moment spare to look at it

I enjoyed reading this book. It had humour, reality and hints of more antics to come. I loved the cartoon cover. My only concern was the cover made me think younger read. Then I started reading and realised it was more YA. Happy to back and I wish you luck.
Plagarma

What a great story. There is a real energy to your prose and I found it very accessible and engaging. Freddie, Bill and Irving are just such well-realised and fun characters and your dialogue is so sharp. I read three chapters and found it thoroughly enjoyable.
Happy to back.
Carl
The Time Hunters