Solomon's Keepers

Hi John,

A great story and told in an unusual way. The first chapter especially, all in second person, was especially well done. It's very rare to see second person writing and I did wonder how you would be able to sustain it for a full length book, so I wasn't really surprised, if a littlle bit disappointed, to see you swithched to first person in the second chapter. You use present tense, however, and first person present tense is also difficult to maintain. Still, you seem to have handled it well. Congratulations.

Ron

Solomon’s Keepers

[return backing ☼☼☼☼☼☼]

This is a wonderful piece of writing. The premise is good, although there is quite a bit in the same genre around. I can think of several films. Your prose is undeniably fantastic. This ought to do well on that alone. Backed with pleasure. Apologies for taking so long to have a look.

Vivid writing that catches the mood and holds the reader's interest. Backed with pleasure.
Vall
Midwyf

Exceptionally fine writing. I've read all you posted, and in spite of only smatterings so far of what Solomon can do, I'm glad I did. Jim

This is such an original theme. it is also second person which many writers are hesitant to attempt. But due to your expertise you have pulled it off. Well done. It confidently jerks the reader to attention. The language is exemplary, the plot fast paced unfolding the story.

Your dialogue drives the plot forward as well giving added strength.
The descriptions are vivid bringing scene and characters alive.

An exciting novel.

Backed with pleasure,

Katy,
Phobic Dawn.

SOLOMON'S KEEPERS
It's very tricky to write in present tense and keep the story alive. A good take on virtual reality. First few chapters kept my interest. Will read more later.

Bee Love
(Pouring the Cup)

Other than a few kinks solomon, is an attempt to make a super soldier, and recruitment reject Rees signs up for the course to escape his troubled home life. With three other candidates, he is sent to an isolated army base where he meets Brodzky and his technical staff. Rees is told modern warfare places soldiers in unprecendented challenges, so he is soon running cross country with the word arse scrawled on his forehead, and thats when he meets Eva.
Inter service relationships are given a screening in Solomon's Keepers because the technology is American and the lab rats are British. I believe Solomon has the capability of uploading skills into individuals, instantly.
Great concept but the kinks are obviously going to be human fraility when solomon is stolen. Nicely written the explanations come after the first exercise so that keeps one interested and guessing all of the time. I was a bit surprised a soldier could be uploaded with mid wife abilities in the field, but who knows what a short sharp gun fight might trigger in a foreign land, so i can see the sense in that.
Overall a good story.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Good evening. Not my cup of tea, and I must admit a I lost track a couple of times. It wasn't exactly clear who was what or where things were going. On another note most of you sentences were creative. They drew a clear picture of what you were trying to describe if somewhat helter skelter in their journey there. On that merit alone I will back it, but I almost passed.

Nick
Invasion From Within

Hi John,

I love the concept of KomViva, it's very imaginative and edgy. The story moves quickly as the reader goes through one experience/adventure after another. The experiences in the first chapter were both different. The first on having to do with parachuting down began the adventure, and the second experience was the birth of Chloe.
It was all very surreal, yet something that I can imagine that cybernetic manufacturers are striving to develop for the future.
Backed.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories

Highly imaginative and captivating. It reminded me of the film Westworld staring Yul Brynner. Well constructed narrative and dialogue in which you cleverly create good doses of mystery and suspense. Backed.
Laurence Winchester,
The Cross of Goa

Hi John ...

A good gripping story with a strong plot that flows well. In Rees you have a believable main character that grows on the reader. The virtual reality is good and skilfully done. Dialogue is realistic and believable. The onl;y suggestion on offer is a good proof read for missed words and disjointed sentences ( perhaps caused by missing words). Backed. Regards ... Duncan.

You have a great start on this storyline, and you capture the reader's imagination. Best of luck with your continued writing. Please remember December Gold in your reading and comments.

OMG i can honestly see this book being published and even turned into a movie! I love these type of stories! all the about the suspense and adventure! The pitch itself, can make anyone interested!I can't wait to see what happens, i'm reading ahead but just decided to stop and comment on this amazing book and congratulate you for writing a story that's full of imagination, creativity and personality!
Backed for sure =)

Raye Silver
(The Taboo Valley)

Hi John, The Ultimate Virtual Reality but hold the Virtual. It sure seemed real to me; but then, you didn't know I suffer from vertigo. The idea of being on top of a column of rock, several hundred feet high and no wider than a car had my stomach churning wildly. Then you said it moved and I became a jibbering wreck.
What a wonderful concept you have created and how vividly you bring it to life. One of the problems of being an acting director is that you want to play all the parts. The problem of being involved with Authonomy is that you want to read all the books and you know there isn't time, especially with new work being uploaded every day. I'm going to make a big effort to make Solomon an exception. Backed with awe (and a little trepidation).
Hudson. (Pegalore)

Sorry to be late on our read swap on your wonderful book. Here are my thoughts.
So much brilliant visual prose, like, 'The air makes shrink-wrap of your shorts and your shirt crackles at your side, and 'Fine cuts of light in the blackness. Cuts that widen to stripes. A blind opening on a city light.'
Bordering on poetry you capture the imagination and plus the idea and the plot are excellent.
Super!
Backed
Christina
From Under the Bed

Great read and great idea!

Intriguing, entertaining and very well crafted.

My complements.

Backed with true pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

HI Jon

Returning the favor -

The plot has my attention, very interesting and quite original. Congradulations. Just a few things to note as i read.

First chapter, second paragraph. "Lets get started". I'm confused, who's getting started? I feel like either the singer is saying this or the MC but i'm not sure?

There's a few spots where the sentances don't flow right, like:
"A spot of light comes on top left." The sentence feels incomplete and distracting.

I like the place where you start the story, right in there but not too confusing, right into the action.

I hope the pace stays like this.

Enjoy (i know i will)

Amberly

Excellent first two chapters. I lived the virtual experience upon the pillar of rock above the desert. Very entertaining and imaginative. Good luck. You are on my watch list.
Laurence Winchester

The writing is good but the concept is a bit beyond my humble understanding. However, backed, as I am sure there are people who know where you are coming from and going to. Good luck.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man
The Penhaligan File

This made for a fascinating read and I liked the convolutions of the actual and the visions. Techno stuff convinces and the characters have depth. Only crit would be that in some of the extended dialogue I lost track of who was talking. A few more speech tags might be appropriate in places. Just IMO.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Your pitch is excellent and the basic idea is original. Not sure about the start of the book giving so much space to unreal experiences. I personally don't like dreams, hallucinations etc as a main part of a story and you give us one before we've even met the main character. I think you could shorten this bit.
Your writing style is good and I didn't notice any typos etc.

Cheers
Elaine

Good writing, put me right in the frame. The story idea is somewhat reminiscent of the movie 'Strange Days' but who cares. Nice work. Backed. Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

Backed with pleasure!
Luke
"Now We Are Green"

SOLOMON'S KEEPERS by John Kavanagh.

John - Exceptional skills of imaginative writing and quality exposition is on display here. Your Ranking of 70 is well deserved. Good Luck! "There is a tide within the affairs of men which taken at the flood leads on to fortune.." NB A major uploading fault is preventing Chapter 7 from being read. Backed and re-Watchlisted.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Dear John Kavanagh,

Your opening is reminiscent of the scene in Nights of Cabiria when Giuletta Masina is hypnotized on stage. Hope you don’t mind the comparison to Fellini.

Best wishes with the intriguing Solomon’s Keepers.

Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Kav - Solomon's Keeper and you have done exactly what you want to achieve according to your pitch - and you have made your words fly like a falocn. It's an unusual story what I have read of it - and that in itself is unusual. So keep writing! Backed and best wishes Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

I've placed your book on my WL.

Man's Search for Meaning! Wow! Powerful book. You might find William Glasser's Choice Theory interesting.

Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

What an enigmatic start to this story. I can't always follow it but neither can I leave it.
You have taken a step beyond reality and created something original and slightly disconcerting. Powerful thoughts written in a lyrical way make this book well worth further reading. In the meantime, backed. Margaret.

Virtual reality taken to another level. Virtually brilliant

This is confidently written, involving fantasy fiction. The protagonist experiencing his new body and environment invoked images from, 'Avatar'. This is an interesting premise which promises much ahead. Good work. Backed.

H. Schaefer 'Tales of Brave Ulysses'

Intriguing stuff, which is just what you want when it comes to drawing in the reader. The pitches could perhaps be a little less opaque but that is a minor quibble.

Philip John

Someone commented further down about the second person. Well, I think it works here, especially since he's describing what he is. You write in a way that drags your reader in and keeps them with you. Your descriptions are vivid and not overwritten. Backed.
Polly
STONES.

In the first two chapters, you do a good job of describing him going in and out of reality, but to be honest, it seemed a little long and after the two chapters, I still had no idea where this was going. It starts to get interesting in chapter 3 (you have some things that we can relate to and get our bearings).

I think you have a good idea here (at first it just seemed like a "Total Recall" rehash), but I'm not sure how necessary the first two chapters are to the story. You might want to consider shortening them into one chapter, or bringing them in later in the story. You have some really good description in those chapters, but there wasn't much to grab hold up to understand what was going on.

Backed.

Steven Lloyd
The Audacity of Hope and Change

Clever premise. Your descriptions are vivid. For example, your description of jumping off the pillar. Not only can I see it, I can feel and hear it as well. Your enrich your narrative with clever metaphors like 'down the pothole of your body' and apt similies such as 'pushes like a hand.' Your dialogue is believable and informative. No idle chit chat here. Your pacing held my attention.

Nit:
'All in order?' He asked. 'He' should be lowercase. When a dialogue tag (he asked) follows dialogue, the first word in the dialogue tag is lowercase.

This is a vivid, imaginative tale. Backed.

Pleased to back your book which is very well written.
Have not read it all but will get back to it.

Many thanks for backing my book.

regard's,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest)

Hello – Just so that you know, I tend to comment as I read, as if I was thinking aloud, and I don’t crit grammar etc. because there are plenty of people who are much better qualified that I on this site. If I have read your book and commented it is because I enjoyed it and truly believe it has value and so I don’t often make negative comments. The exception is if you have specifically asked me to read and then I believe that you deserve an honest opinion.

Solomon’s Keepers – Return read

Great Cover and good pitches

You can feel new muscles knotting – tiny typo in there

The start was gripping, surreal and mysterious. You have a very distinct writing style and your prose is excellent. The descriptions are stark but vivid.

I am very impressed indeed by this it is different and very well written. I am more than happy to back it and wish you the very best of luck with it. - Diane

Dear John,

Your KomViva reminds me of the holodeck on Star Trek. One experiences quite literally but it isn't real. I've only read the first chapter, so I don't know if it's real or not. Will have to keep reading to find out! Very intriguing!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)
Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Your pitch is very well done. Intriguing and compelling, it draws one to want to read it. I'll open it now.
By the way, thanks for the backing of Abandoned Hearts.

Hi John

What an incredible imagination. The tension and sinister import of the narrative are managed in a masterful fashion. You keep us reading just to find out what's going on without irritating us with wilful obscurity. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

This is a very well written, intriguing story, I`ve read most of it and will get back to it as soon as I can. You will have my backing when I`ve read the rest for definate.

Best wishes
Sarah Louise

John
This has a most unusual storyline but is very well-written and, consequently, easy to read.. The dialogue is realistic and the descriptions are vivid. Backed.
Regards
William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

John, This is well written and very vivid writing though this is not my genre your talent is evident. I think this will do extremely well. Pace is great and your descriptives are very effective Backed Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Backed

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

You've taken an old SF theme, and updated it very well (though was thrown a little by Chapter 7 :) ) - and without too much P.K. Dick/John Brunner dystopian depression/blackness.

There is also a ready market for this style - with quite a few webzines willing to take up longer work and serialise them (which might be the way to go first, and then bring them together in one vol. with a proven readership to aid the CV.)

Read and enjoyed, backed accordingly.

Startling, but inevitable, premise, the ultiimate in virtual reality. I think this is a book about true mind control, beyond anything yet imagined. Reality in a box. Amazing premise that is not only believable, it is almost certain to happen, given time and the continued advance of technology. In my opinion, this the way science fiction should be done. (Is this classified as sci fi?)

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

Strong descriptive powers and an intriuging concept are working well together here. I'm not certain if I like the use of 'you' rather than 'I', but I'm sure you've thought that out and have your reasons. In some ways it forces the reader to experience the sensations first hand, perhaps more than a 1st person narrative would, and I guess that is your aim.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Not usually my cup of tea but I it's good sci-fi. I wanted to read more despite the staccato pitch of the opening chapter. I've backed it. All the best, T.L.

Hi John, Just when I thought "Avatar" was the limit, you come up with Kom Viva. Your first chapter--all that I've read so far--really sings. I like the theme, the characters, the action, the writing itself. But I'll have to pause for now and back "Soloman's Keepers" on the way out. Many thanks for backing "The Doctor of Summitville." You're a pal. --Bill

Hi John, this was a very different, thought provoking and well-written. The idea hints at other things but is original in its delivery and style. I enjoyed my read.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS