Stolen Power

This has a good voice, and much of the narrative is dialogue driven. I think it will attract a strong following.

Although not my genre this is really well told, with good dialogue and pace. It would help if some of your longer paragraphs were split for easier reading. Other than that I can see no areas for improvement. Backed. Colin

Dear Robert
well i must say i love this book cover for sure. I just know i commented on your book before and i cannot find the backing so just to say i will back this again to make sure
the VERY BEST OF LUCK
Denise
The Letter

Not my usual consumption but some interesting ideas here. A great pitch and memorable cover! Backed. Gordon - THe Harpist of Madrid

Good writing with no typos or minor errors that i could see. The start had three very familiar scenarios in a row, the running through the woods, tripping over roots, chased by an unknown assailant. Then the waking up and realising it was a dream. Then the looking in the mirror to describe how he looks. The total effect was to make the start of the story feel quite cliched.

His journey to work and his day were a bit flat narratively. He just did his job and nothing unexpected or unusual happened, it felt a bit too straightforward. It maybe your intent to show what his normal life is like, but I found it a bit too slow and uninteresting. A matter of taste though

Ariana's entrance helped pick up the pace, i enjoyed her scene and her interaction with Jack worked well. Good ending to chapter one. Overall an entertaining read. Backed.

a good fantasy novel you have here; good characters, and writing style. on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Hi Robert

Great pitch - ancient demons, a dedicated task force, the romance of the meeting - this has everything I need to keep me reading. I like the mixture of normality and magical darkness, which is done very effectively. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Great opening dream sequence and tension throughout the chapter. You have excellent descriptive powers and a smooth writing style. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Interesting synopsis. It carried me through, and right on into your first chapter. Nice style....honest, open flow. I'm not a critic, but I can appreciate a good story that is painted with magical words.

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london

Does what it says on the tin; adventure romp, guy called Jack, chick called Ariana, demons aplenty and a little world saving to be done. Loved it, Rob. Backed by Brammers, The Kingdom Within.

Hi Robert, I liked how the dream Jack had was actually prophetic. The atmosphere of the story also remained steady with the dream. Different. The outset draws in with Ariana’s warning about the beast. Smooth writing. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Welcome aboard, Robert. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. Both pitches work. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Robert, I was glad that Jack’s dream was a psychic message as the daytime activity led well from it. A nice storytelling style, it moves easily from scene to dialogue and action. I wondered what happened to Ariana’s horse and then when she was so hurried, it seemed to be part of her personality. You’ve captured this world so that it ensconces and becomes enchanting. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I flew through the reading of this book! What can I say? It's got my favorite genre, fantasy, mixed with a bit of sci-fi for flavor, with just a twist of humor...hmm, sounds like a recipe for success. :) You have a good voice and strong characters (I absolutely LOVE Kai and Shadowfang!) Your fight scenes are impeccable and the pacing was good throughout. Kudos on a good story and a wicked awesome ending!

Regards,

Nesta

Hi Bob. You have an engaging read here. From the very off my attention was held and the dream soon became reality. Jack is a really good MC and his naivety to what is happening comes across well. I loved Shadowfang. I think your writing flows really well and can see this going down really well with its genre. Backed and best of luck with this. Maria (Cosmic Linx)

Hello Rob!!!
Let me be as honest as I possibly can here since I'm getting a little annoyed myself by all those "hey your book is so amazingly, gosh-darn, good golly great! Can you back mine now?" crappy messages lol I don't see many good stories that really stick and pull me in but this one...well...I read the first few paragraphs and was caught! Luckily, it was the kids' nap time so I put them down, threw a sandwich together, grabbed a pepsi and squealed in excitement about reading this lol I adore your characters and the overall story so far (i'm still reading but couldnt continue without saying WOW first)
The only thing I noticed that stuck out to me was Jack's reaction to the shraiks and Ariana. He doesn't seem to react like a guy really would in that situation. Especially since you mentioned that he didnt really care much about ghost stories. Other than that, it's golden! I have backed it with immense pleasure!! All the best!

-Lorna

Not into them shraik thingies!
Seriously you have a very creepy style of writing that very engaging. – Brilliant!
Jack’s a great character and I think the way you use deft touches of humour to relieve some of the tension is very, very good. Up to Shadowfang and the bracelet and are very intrigued to where this is going. – Good luck!

Rob:

The story flows well, which, I think, is paramount. I like how you open with the dream sequence, though I note some dissenting views. I think it is a nice hook; you can almost feel the creatures closing in on Jack. And what are they? Who is coming for him?
Will read more as time permits, but like what I see and am backing.

Cheers.
Christophe
(Karma's Quarry)

Very good stuff here. Flew through the first three chapters. Love how you set the opening scene with Jack and Ariana!

Backed with pleasure,
Marissa,
By Flame's Light

The first paragraph is so powerful it makes the reader continue, rightfully so. Your work is brilliant with great characters such as jack who is clearly tormented by mental pictures which gives him an excellent depth which reflects the quality of your writing perfectly. I am glad I was able to read this work and will happily back it. Unfortunately I don't have the time to read the whole thing at the moment so I will wait for publication as it is clear that your work iis going there. Good luck.

Laurence

I've enjoyed what I've been able to read in this. It's quite different from other things I've been reading lately on this site. Always love a fresh premise! Your writing style is nice too, you reveal info at the right times instead of dumping. And I'm really enjoying your characters, This is one I actually want to keep reading!

Missy

Thanks to all for your comments and backings! I think I've managed to add just about everybody who's commented so far to my watchlist. As soon as I get through the one's I'm reading right now, I'm sure I'll be rotating all from watchlist to bookshelf. Thanks again for the support and encouraging comments!

Rob

Heaps of imagination shines right through in this piece, and you do a good job of swiftly engaging the reader in this intriguing read. Characterisation is strong, and we're pulled into Jack's world by your intelligent prose and occasional twists of humour to lighten the tone.

Happily backed.
Abi xxx

Rob,

After reading the comment below about opening with Ariana being pursued in the forest, I'm thinking that might not be a bad suggestion. Personally I liked the dream sequence but a hook of fear/adrenaline/uncertainty right off the bat might entrench the reader that much sooner...though I still think it works the way it is.

Erin

You certainly have a gifted imagination and I believe the talent for harnessing it into the written word. I have read your first three chapters and I feel compelled to keep reading - just stopped to shelve it!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Good story that's a bit of a twist on the usual darkmforces threatening the kingdom stories, strong characters with good narrative and imagery that completely paints the world and its people as you see them. if your book starts with a dream so be it, as long as it hooks the reader, leave things be. If that is all that puts an editor off then he or she is in the wrong job. A hook is a hook whether it be a dream sequence or not and as they say, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Hello Robert and yes your short pitch gives what is wanted your long pitch took me to wanting to read your book. Looking forward to seeing the cover....I am going to carry on reading and then comment.
Denise
The Letter

Robert,
Amazing opening. Well written and imaginative read.

Happy to back you
The Third Eye

Hi Robert
Some lovely visual writing here - I could picture myself in the forest. This has a nice smooth flow to it as the dialogue and narrative combine nicely. A few hooks as well keeping the reader interested. Great stuff. Best of luck with it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Thanks, you bring up a good point. I don't want to get reject outright because of the beginning. I'll definitely take a look and see if I can shift that around. Thanks for your support and for your thoughts on how I can improve. I've just finished uploading the complete book, so now I can start reading other people's. I'll be sure to take a look at your's.
Rob

Robert, I love the way you write which is why I say that I don't think the opening with Jack does the book justice. Firstly, editors are supposed to hate books that begin with dreams and simply throw them aside. Since every other fantasy book on this site begins with a dream it's worth thinking about.
Secondly, the excitement begins with Ariana and the beast watching her. I think your book should start here.
Hope you don't mind my saying this but if this is how editors feel we've got to bear it in mind if we're serious about being published.
After all that - backed. Best wishes, lynn
ps you need a cover that catches the eye. x

Robert, I love the way you write which is why I say that I don't think the opening with Jack does the book justice. Firstly, editors are supposed to hate books that begin with dreams and simply throw them aside. Since every other fantasy book on this site begins with a dream it's worth thinking about.
Secondly, the excitement begins with Ariana and the beast watching her. I think your book should start here.
Hope you don't mind my saying this but if this is how editors feel we've got to bear it in mind if we're serious about being published.
After all that - backed. Best wishes, lynn
ps you need a cover that catches the eye. x

I really like your clever use of foreshadowing in the dream sequence at the beginning of your book. You do an excellent job in developing Jack's and Adriana's characters and your dialogue flows well. Your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

You show your mastery of the craft in this Sci-Fi-Fantasy. Good characterizations and narrative flow. I found your voice to be ominous, and your tone to be edgy. It kept me turning the pages. BAcked.

I hope you will give mine a read, and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

STOLEN POWER
This is a good story. You’ve created a detailed imaginary world here, so detailed, it can’t help but feel real. Jack is a good main character because he’s both compassionate and proves himself to be amazingly brave as he takes on the task of rescuing the whole world. Makes this a fun to read book. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Dear Robert, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Good luck. This is a link to a thread on the forum explaining how the site works: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=57319

Charles

Dear Robert, I love John's quest to save the world, battling the evil - great story! :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs (you may want to cut your longer paragraphs in 2 or more for us with short attention spans who tend to miss the middles) & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
authonomy quote:.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Hi Robert,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Extremely well written but as usual, how do you make it stand out amongst all the others in the genre ?
I really hope you get the attention you deserve. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Could potentially do well despite a crowded market. :)

Thanks John! I'm glad you enjoyed it and there's more coming. I've completed the book, just need to finish formating it correctly and upload. I'll definitely be going back in though to work out as much of the 'he said'/'she said' that I can.

Rob

Okay. Good pitch to a degree, and you need to think about where you're pitching this in regard to your market - it seems more Young Adult at the moment (which is always profitable.) Next go back over and think about the dialogue - there is just a little too much 'he said' 'she said' for me - which is okay for a while, but it becomes a little pedestrian in the later chapters presented here.

Apart from that, it's premise is good, the characters are there, and the storyline will work because of the use of dreams and fantasy elements (though what the line between fantasy and supernatural is, I don't know :) )

Read and enjoyed, backed with pleasure, and would like to see more as and when it's uploaded.

Okay. Good pitch to a degree, and you need to think about where you're pitching this in regard to your market - it seems more Young Adult at the moment (which is always profitable.) Next go back over and think about the dialogue - there is just a little too much 'he said' 'she said' for me - which is okay for a while, but it becomes a little pedestrian in the later chapters presented here.

Apart from that, it's premise is good, the characters are there, and the storyline will work because of the use of dreams and fantasy elements (though what the line between fantasy and supernatural is, I don't know :) )

Read and enjoyed, backed with pleasure, and would like to see more as and when it's uploaded.

Thanks for the comments so far! I appreciate your observations and will take another look at my beginning. I'm always open for ways to improve and I think that every time I go back through it gets little bit better.

Rob

An interesting read, to be honest I don't think your first line will grip anyone, a chill fog, seems to be very weak to me, but see what others think. Your prmise is excellent though and your characterisation.

Great writing and happy to shelve you.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

An interesting read, to be honest I don't think your first line will grip anyone, a chill fog, seems to be very weak to me, but see what others think. Your prmise is excellent though and your characterisation.

Great writing and happy to shelve you.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Hi Robert,
Congratulations on posting your novel Stolen Power. On the strength of your pitch, I have backed it with pleasure
Helen