Panzerfaust!

Extremely suspenseful, immensely charged work of fiction.
You thrilled me to the hilt.
backed
THE THIRD SIGHT

about para 8 the rolled over (should be she rolled over)

hullo Christopher. This appears to be a great story in the making.So, exciting I felt like I was on the run too! Very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

What a story! You've got demons, Nazis and a teenage girl with a magical dagger. "Is that thunder?" American bombers, partisans named Pepe, a dagger named Akouo, and a black priest that summons demons. "My dagger . . . have I lost it?" Simply, "why doesn't the Goddess ever bless firearms, eh?" Good question. I'll be back to see where this is going. Backed for now.

Welcome aboard, Christopher. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch needs to end with one succinct question to pique your casual reader's interest. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

HI Chris,
Have read the first three chapters and am really enjoying the story and the fast pacing of the chapters. Your characters are believable and more importantly, likeable (even the Nazis). Looking forwayd to meeting more demons.
Gladly backed.
Jake

Placed Panzerfaust! on our watchlist. Interesting choice of title. Had to look it up because I had no idea what it meant. Will read and comment on later. If you like paranormal thrillers you migh check out our book, Dark Side.
CC Brown.

What a strange mix, but it really works!
I like how you open up with the gentleness of Simone and then move into horror of war.
However it is you attention to detail that really makes this a great read for me. You have a very engaging story. Good luck!

Panzerfaust.

A story of courage against Nazis oppression will always be a winner, the eventual fate of the definitive version of Panzerfaust, if you continue working on it.

You might want to take a look at the grammar including verb agreements, the alliteration in the opening, and the occasional confusion in overlepping povs which allows the writer’s own pov to seep through. These are artistic decisions and, once taken, extremely time consuming to execute. I could be wrong, and just wasting your time.

The Spear of Destiny (1973), a non-fiction book by Trevor Ravenscroft, is about the Nazi fascination with the occult.

Backed for the idea.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Hi Christopher

Your story is interesting and well done. My only nit pick is that you tend toward very long sentences. Even in your pitch. Which I would break up into paragraphs and shorten the sentences.

backed
Pamela Frost
aka scatteredfrost
Houses of Cards

Very original for a fantasy. I love how you intertwined it with WWII (which I teach) so its very exciting for me to read this. And i can't put it down. Great Job!
Backed with pleasure,
Marissa
By Flame's Light

Hi Christopher,
Demons and Gestapo -- a nazty combination for sure, but one that makes for an entertaining and original take on WW2. I enjoyed what I read and thought it was a real ripping yarn with well-portrayed characters.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Hi Christopher,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch and loved the fantastic use of imagination. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Christopher,
Great adventure, simply well written - fine descriptions of the action and tense, tense - though I'm not quite sure why the chase would have happened at all - but that should be revealed. Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

PANZERFAUST
This is a good story; a good blend of fantasy and history. You’ve obviously done a lot of research before writing this and it shows. You’ve created good characters. You describe your settings well. Makes this a good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

It's strange but the reference to demons didn't seem fantastical or out of place. Perhaps the whole thinking behind the time was so mad, so belonging to an evil fantasy, that nothing to do with it is far -fetched.
The war seems to be perennially popular and I think you've got a winner here. It's so swift I was hardly aware of reading even on screen. Dialogue, scene-setting, all the basics needn't even be mentioned but taken for granted. The quiet countryside with the burning plane pursuing the two, the poor charred American, the dagger - it's all superb. Backed. Lynn

Christopher,

You have captured the essence of war-torn France, the ferocity of the Panzers, the carnage, the fear and frustration, and the terrible difference between then and now, and the innocence lost of the local children.

As you developed Simone and your other main characters, you told a great story filled with emotion, triumph, frustration, and sacrifice. The mysterious and charmed dagger was well placed and held great intrigue for the reader as its purpose unfolded through the chapters.

As in any worthy submission, I am not so sure that this work of fiction is actually just that. It could be a documentary on the life and times of a group of circa 1940's persons as they develop through time. The telling of this drama was smooth and depicted the trauma, emotions, and fears of that era.

Brutality and determination marked the German military elite to a degree that most people cannot fathom. But it is the same dedication and heartless performance of duty that allowed the military leadership to perform their horrific acts during the holocaust and throughout the European theater.

The incorporation of demons into the fabric of your work was masterful as it fleshed out a sinister belief that has been held by many even today, that the German's actually were assisted by demons from Hell who prompted and masterminded the inhumane treatment of human beings along their way to a thankfully thwarted victory and eventual world domination.

Very well done in all categories. Credible, alarming, heart wrenching, morose in places, macabre in other places, and a reassurance of the resiliance and perseverance of the human spirit.

Backed with pleasure.

PawPaw MIke LaRiviere
Eden's Door

Hi Christopher
A great read. I agree - split up the pitch as you can make it read better. A good book needs a strong character and Simone comes across as very credible and easy to associate with. An interesting concept and a smooth flowing piece of work.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Hello Christopher, I am really looking forward to seeing your book cover as it is not showing on my page. Your short pitch is one that grabs me. Is it 'The Nazis', not sure just a thought. Anyways your long pitch screamed at me read read read, so I did, but just a suggestion before I comment and that is maybe put some paras in your long pitch. This is the first potential read a publisher will have of your book and it gives the impression of being long when it is not.. Your book deserves as many reads as it can get. Well crafted and very full . It is an easy read sue to the flow of words that create such a storyline......CONGRATS .. This is not my genre but it is so important to cross over some times to appreciate other authors and comment and back for skill etc if nothing else.....
.BACKED by me for sure....... would be so happy if you would review my book and COMMENT and if you will BACK it. Either way BEST of luck with your book

Denise
The Letter

Dear Christopher, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Brilliant. Backed
Helen
The Last Dream

This is an exciting story from the first chapter. This is important as many book's fail because chapter 1 doesn't draw the reader into it.
Pleased to say that is not the case here, it has good description and voice and I back it.
SHELVED.

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest) would be very pleased if you could take a look.

' I have really struggled with this because you are either inventing a parallel world with nazis in it or getting a lot of details wrong. You need to make it clear at the start because a confused reader won't be a reader for long. 'Swallow' jet fighter? Jets only came at the end of the war flying over Germany because of fuel shortages. "Pursued the bigger plane with ease?--it would be flying twice as fast and overshooting constantly."
Panzer called a Lynx? You are an enthusiastic writer but the reader needs a clear idea of the period if you are referring to historical events. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

It is obvious youhave done your research in writing this novel. Well crafted and polished so far and certainly worth y of shelving for a while. Backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is a blitzkrieg of a read for sure! I was just going to read the pitch, but the original story line surrounding Simone sucked me in. The first chapter proved you have a solid writing talent for this genre'. You throw us directly into the action. When I read your excellent description of the nazi plane crashing through the canopy of the trees, I knew I was in the hands of a master storyteller. This is going to be a real winner! Congratulations. I'm proud to back it.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)

Good luck. This is a link to a thread on the forum explaining how the site works: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=57319

Charles

Your pitch will cause many people to look at your book. The story is intriguing and your plot is very interesting, also. Should do well on this site. Welcome aboard!
Best wishes,
January

Read chapter 1 to 5. This is an intriguing story and you set it up very well. Simone convinces as your main character and dialogue is very effective. The lure of the dagger is a good one and hooks your reader into reading on. The historical background seems authentic and believable.
Only crit? You have a lot of detail in places. You may wish to read through aloud and decide how much does the reader really need in order to access the story? Anything that does not carry the plot along or add depth you might decide can be left out.
Just a few thoughts.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Dear Christopher, I love your daring heroine in a time of war & her quest to save her father, even battling demons - it's great she has brave people to help her during this war. :) I'm so glad that I'm in California & wasn't affected by it. :) God bless all of those who fought to preserve our freedom. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs (you may want to cut longer ones in 2 for us with short attention spans who tend to miss the middles) & dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)