ROUGH JUSTICE

I hope that it will be of more help to you to comment on each individual chapter than to give an overall comment so here goes.
I've been drawn in by the first chapter. I found it to be honest and entertaining (ie, what your father said to the pub landlord). I felt I could relate to your early life as we were born into harsh conditions too, and my father delivered milk from an early age in scotland. Also my fathers father sounds very similar to your mothers father. All these points made it more enjoyable for me.
There are two points i would like to go through. I think things to this effect have already been said but there's no harm in repeating them
1) There are typos throughout the story, for example a 't' instead of 'to' and things like that. but its easy to fix that.
2) There are times when you put sentences in capitals. I think you should let the power of the words put your point across instead of using capitals as it can be a bit distracting.

However I liked your style of writing and always admire people who are willing to share their own life through writing.

I went to Villa park for the 1992 F A cup semi final Liverpool vs Pompey and a group of scouser's by a burger van had changed 'play up pompey 'pompey play up' to 'f*** off pompey pompey f*** off' So I said out loud' f*** off yourselves' Oddly enough they made no move, but I'd had plenty of football fights Millwall, Newcastle, Sheffield, Norwich. Not that I can fight, I'm hopeless, bluff was always my thing. Like you I grew up in a council estate. I lived in Leigh Park outside Portsmouth. I also grew up with a medical condition. Reading 'Rough Justice' I think you'd see in me, everything that you would personally detest. I allowed myself to be walked all over by my school mates taking the punchs and abuse without retaliating. I figured if I couldn't fit in, I'd be sent to God knows where, so I took the stick without a murmur, to fit in, or to be seen to be fitting in. I relied on good old fashioned laughs inbetween the thumps and in the end my school mates grew fond of me in a narcissist sort of way. The likes of Colesey, Clarkey, Barney, Horney, Andy Pandy and Smithy. After leaving school I was recruited into their football violence gang because for them, it would be a good laugh to see me beat senseless and nicked all on the same day. They now worked in the factories I myself worked in. I guess I was lucky those scouser's weren't in the mood at the semi final, because the old bill were everywhere, but I had to keep up appearances. Yes there was a sort half arsed loyalty, but mostly I was just the fall guy. I think what you would detest most about me is the pretence, lies, cowardice and the willingness to sink to any level to survive. When I read 'Rough Justice' it made me feel terribly guilty that I got off lightly. I have no honour, I sense that you do.

Good luck with your writing.

Hi, i actually did not think of the story as this way at all because of its cover, its true not to judge the book by its cover.
A lot in it, to take from it. As i read along, there are things related to peopel i am aware of, but not everything to one person, as it is in yours.

Good luck. Good book.

Hi Dean,

I've been reading your book this weekend and I'm now on chapter 8. Respect to you, mate, this is great and you write with real grit and total honesty. I bet you get a publishing deal out of this. Fair enough, it will need tidying up, but it definitely needs to be heard. My friend's daughter was born with cerebral palsy due to medical negligence and after 23 years of fighting in the courts, they have just been awarded two million in compo. It's all split up between the mother and daughter, and certain amounts have to be used for housing and future care etc, but still, at last they have a result. Someone admitted guilt. I truly hope you have had some success in that area, Dean, and if not, then I hope something comes of this. You are obviously a born fighter, and fighters fight till the death. I have loved reading this and will read more of it. Well done Mate, I hope you feel very proud of it. Lots of love, Julie xxx

I'm back to read more of Rough Justice. We both have been through a lot

Rough justice. There is something special about a disabled person, and you're no exception. I'm particularly drawn by your loving acknowledgement of your family and friends.

Ch.1. Do you want nits?
There are some unnecessary / vague words which spoil the flow of a story, and could be searched out: just,almost, always.

You wouldnt be on this site if you didnt want to get published, and dI've been told that editors abhor exclamation marks, calling them screamers!

There are also some repetitions too close together, which could be easily remedied, like cold, money (Ch.4)
such.
Those were hard times, and you convey the feeling well.

Chs. 2-3. Your mother was tiny!
And yes, people are inclined to put far too much faith and trust in their doctors, who are all human after all - like us.
My - it's a real wonder you survived!

Ch.4. It is very often the case that those suffering the most hardships turn out to be the best people.
My heart goes out to you, hiding under that blanket on your way to school, and I admire your guts and your courage.

Thankyou for the inspiring read.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

your book hit nerves. it resurrected ill-feelings concerning my son who was diagnosed with a lifetime medical condition.

Hi Dean, I saw you pitch and it grabbed my attention because my own parents lost their first baby through medical negligence. It's always fantastic to read about people who manage to overcome the trials that life throws their way and you've certainly had your fair share - more than. I'm sure a good editor or agent could really do something with this and I'll keep my fingers crossed that it happens for you. It's inspiring and these days, we could all do with a bit of that.

All the best
Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Hi Dean,
Good job on your pitch, I really liked it! I will definitely give this a read (I have a few in front of yours)

Beth Davis
I Never Saw It Coming

Have you seen the film Unleashed? This reminded me of that film a little.

I love true stories particularly those which show triumph against all odds, yes perhaps a little editorially clunky but inspiring and the tweaks can be done later on - thank you for sharing your experience with us I look forward to reading more :)

Dean, your story is inspiring. Sorry it took me soooo long to read it. On holiday now and having time to catch up with my commitments. I'm sure there is a smart publisher out there who could turn this into a major winner. It would make a fabulous movie! Have you gone to the website agentquery.com? They have a search tool there that allows you to filter for agents who specialize in memoirs. Good luck with it and thanks for your past backing for my book, which is approaching the top 100! Amazing. May we both realize our dreams, friend... ~Gail (SECRETS WE KEEP)

Well, Deano, I'm impressed. This is the first book on Authonomy where the writing gets BETTER as it goes along, not worse! Yes, you know you need an editor and you're probably sick to death of hearing it, but from about chap 3 on, this story of childhood bravery against the most horrendous odds really moved me. I've got a friend, Simon, (one of my best mates actually) who experienced similar deprivation of oxygen at birth (his umbilical cord got wrapped round his neck) and who suffered similar neglect and abuse from an uncaring society. And of course, as you know from my book, my own childhood was blighted by the blatant cruelty of Jesuits and daily corporal punishment - nothing like what you experienced, but enough for me to really empathise with it.

I've only read one other book on this site (Fran's 'Trapped') that has inspired me so, and I really want to see this out there - with some agents. I have a good editor who might be able to help?

I'm giving you 6 stars, mate - both for your triumph of the spirit, and for some damn fine writing.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

p.s. I think my school, St Ignatius Loyala, played rugger with your Cardinal Newman once. They were tough bastards. We lost.

Dean, I've read 6 chapters and I'm really interested in reading some more. My 24 year old brother was born at home, had several brain haemorrhages and now suffers with severe epilepsy, mild learning difficulties and cerebral palsy. I found Fran's book touching and I'm finding this equally heart wrenching.
I'm not so bothered with grammar, structure, spelling - I'm interested in the story you have to tell.
Thank you for sharing.

I could feel the cold and the poverty in your first chapter. Look forward to reading more of your book.
Christine

Hi Dean! I finally got around to reading a few chapters of your story! You do need to find someone to edit your work... but that aside, it is wonderful! I see you at the computer as you wrote this, at times laughing out loud, and the tears and anger as you relived your story... both for yourself, your family and friends. Your story is incredible, honest and inspiring! Thank you for sharing it, and I am glad you have the verve and talent to write it! I'll be reading more... and will be putting you up on my shelf on my next rotation... hang in there and keep writing! Good luck with it, Jacque (Upside Down)

Dean, there are so few stories about CP in the public domain, that yours really does deserve to be heard. You have a wonderful turn of phrase, an immediacy, a wry sense of humour and an eye for the absurd, all of which help to lift the tone of your account well above mere complaint. But what is missing is a good edit, and a few thousand words extra. Can you find an editor who would help you with typos? It would make such a difference to the final version. Rated. All the best, hugs, Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xxx :-)

Dean
I've finally got round to reading 'Rough Justice' and found that I've read to Chapter 5 (I've only been interrupted because my young son wants the laptop/his breakfast/the remote control!!). The way you write makes it very easy to read. Being successful against all the odds is quite an achievement and you must be so proud of yourself. I used to do Karate so can appreciate the hard work that's gone into your success with Judo. I will definitely read more later.
You deserve to have success with this.
Jane (Jedye)

Dean, I won't pretend your first chapter was an easy read because of grammatical errors - but the bottom line it looks like you have an absorbing story of battling against the odds to be told here. If the story itself is strong enough, then there'll be people more than willing to do the editing on your behalf. What people want from a memoir is triumph against adversity - and I reckon a lot of people would want to read this precisely for that reason. I wish you the best of luck, and don't get swayed by some of the mean comments I've read about your writing from others. Nobody has the right to show such unpleasantness, so keep going with it and show how important the basic ingredient of a good story is.

Pete

Firstly, thank you for the friend request, I feel honored that you'd ask. Secondly, you've painted quite a powerful story. I love true stories...yours is incredible. :-)

On my WL for now.

blessings,
jim

This is so well written. You told your story in a way that kept me reading all that you uploaded.
Good for you that you kept going and made it.

Dean, that was charming, utterly charming.
Others here have pointed out some errors so I won't do that, besides, we all make them anyway.
I don't read biographies or autobiographies as a rule, I feel that most of the time the writer/ghost-writer is just blowing their or someone else's trumpet a little too loud. Here, however, the trumpet is subdued enough to let you read and enjoy (even though you have a harsh story to tell) what you have experienced in life.

I wish you the best of luck with this, Dean, and I'm sure everyone will too. ****** and backed.

Lisa. xxx

Rough Justice
Chap One. I am old enough to remember the early sixties, and you re-create them excellently. I lived in North of England then - and remember well houses such as you describe.
MEMORABLE LINES
{Luxury did not live at.....if it did it seemed to be on an extended holiday.} :->
{ When he was sober James sailor Mcvoy was a good enough man but when was he ever sober?}

I agree with Christian Rouge about grammar.
Typos
LONG PITCH - Doctors Bastibles medical negligence - should read Doctor Bastible's ...

ACKNOWLEDGES should be ACKNOWLEDGMENTS. readers might skip this - but a publisher might be put off.

You start by saying "I was a cold 3rd of Feb" instead of "It was a cold. (I did not spot this at first, so easy to overlook)
That fine by me - should be That's fine by me.

Chapter two midwife or midwives is correct , In one paragraph you write mid wives and another mid-wives.

I some thirty years later - should be Some thirty years... or In some thirty years.

Chapter three - should read "my two cousins were " rather than cousin's were. Did you mean to say walking and talking -, rather than talking and talking.

Compelling, your autobiography is one of the most compelling stories I have yet to read on Authonomy. As a martial artist myself (though no where near your stature) I couldn't help but be inspired your story. Plot wise, structure wise it makes sense and makes me want to read more.

Grammar wise I stumbled a bit. The first sentence is really long and feels like a run-on. After titles such as Dr., Mrs., Mr., Ms. there should be a period. I didn't notice any, so I'm just bringing it up to help. I personally don't think you need to capitalize the entire word, for emphasis you might use italics rarely, but generally the words speak for themselves. If you over emphasize things the effect just isn't the same. Watch out for words in the middle of a sentence that don't need to be capitalized like at one point you had Ten months. It should just be ten months. Those are a few of the things things that stood out and would make this great story even better grammatically.

Best of luck with!
-Christian Rogue (Beastia)

Wow Dean,

I think this is amazing. I have read it every spare minute this last week and I think you really have shown us an insight into your life. I think that you really have terrible treatment at the hands of so many people and you have managed to come through it the other side. Proud, positive, with your head held high, it shows that you really are made of strong stuff. Yes, there are some typos but I completely lost myself in the story. I thought you told it really really well. Full stars from me.

Jules x

Rough Justice,
Dean, I was absolutely engrossed with this autobiography. To have come into the world, after surviving an horrendous birth. leaving you with cerebral palsy and epilepsy - goodness me, if that wasn't enough, but then suffering as a little 'un when the evil teacher who should have been taking care of you put you through horrendous sexual abuse. It beggars belief! But you didn't lie back and let that wickedness win, you fought back!. And how did.you do that? Only by becoming a judo champion and a wonderful writer! I can't put this book down and I won't until I've finished all that you've put up. ******stars well deserved.
Kat

Hi there, Judo man

I got my ruler out and would have been coming down the line to give you a sharp slap, if I fitted. You can't have a typo in the first word of chapter one. It's just not on... crack!

Edit, edit, edit and if that's not enough, edit again.

This was excellent showing and not telling – the wind was doing its best to rearrange the curtains – didn't have to say anymore about gaps or cracks in the windows, it was perfect. It just got lost in all the typos – slap!

Don't tell me you haven't got time to edit – I'm not listening. I'm a mother of two teenagers and my hearing is very selective. What?

Your voice comes over exceptionally well and is pleasant to read and I found I was connecting with you very quickly.

Judoman – you've got an exceptional tale to tell... do it proud and do yourself proud as well. You've got as far as 187 in the charts and you're on HOW MANY bookshelves. I like the bit where you do capitals – drama queen!

My favourite bits are when you slip in the extracts about life – like being a Scottish milkman. Lovely stuff and well worth reading. We used to make icecream out of the frozen cream from the top of the milk bottles by mixing it with custard powder. Yum... thanks for the memory. X

You've hit the popularity stakes – now go the whole hog... edit, edit, edit or it'll just end up on an editor's slush pile. There's just too many mistakes for comfortable reading.

You're on my watch list.... and I'll be watching for when you get your finger out.

And I'll be watching over my shoulder for a glimpse of anyone remotely looking like they're wearing a black belt!

Dean,
It was immediately evident that "Rough Justice" was straight from the heart and I found myself easily falling in step with your narrator. I think it would be a shame to alter your book in any way from its pristine, unadulterated state because that would be like trying to reshape a naturally formed pearl in an oyster's maw. However, in the interest of better readability a simple edit of grammatical glitsches and awkward phrasing would help. In any event, this is a powerful book that moved me deeply.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Dean...Ive been reading this all day, because I wanted to finish it. It is a deeeply personal look into your own life and the trials and trivilations that have taken place since before you were even born.

The voice in this is strong, refreshingly honest, emotional, tough and brutal but in its raw state this is a compelling read.

Yes its your story, yes people will pick it apart, tell you it need editing, grammar and all of that but this is your story, its how life has been, its your fight and therefore should be told in your style. Why conform, you've never conformed 1 day in your life so why should your work conform now. Yes ok you could change things about, tighten it up in places, but then so could everyone !! And really we are not here to discuss every comma and full stop but the journey you found yourself on !!

Your story is different, your writing is different... let it breathe on its own. It stands tall as a slap in the face to every one in power that has EVER wronged you. It sets the story straight.

There is too much cover up from doctors these days and still goes on to this day, we are still fighiting to get the NHS pay for treatments they have longed deemed not necessary and that as a terminal patient I should accept second best.

Let this stand as a reminder to people Dean, that the world isnt always roses and chocolates, sometimes you have to fight for everything you have.

All my love clair xx

Dean,
This is a very personal story. I think for publishing purposes it would be better to have an editor look at it and maybe even someone else write it out from you notes. You can feel the emotion you have put down in every word of this story and it is for this reason that your purpose may not be fully met with the way that you have written it. When you are recounting peripheral stories you narrative voice is gripping and you pull the reader right into the middle of the focus of the story. I just think that it is still too fresh and raw for you give it the space to tell it.
Just my opinion....
:)
Diane

I like your book and your writing, and its refreshing to have a "voice" that isn't literary but more basic and down to earth, but I think you ramble a bit and your writing is a bit disjointed.

Also you let your bitterness? or anger? show through a bit in parts which can be a bit offputting. It makes the writing a bit of a vengeful diatribe at times, rather than an emotive autobiography.

That said I think you may have one problem when marketting the book, which is that these days the "Misery-Lit" or "Inspirational biography" has become a genre within itself and you will need something special that sets it apart from the "average" book in this area.

My hook is that I actually have copies of the secret records kept on me, (Some of which state on them I'm not suppossed to be told about them, which they then gave me a copy of.) you need to find something that sets your book above and aprt form others to make the publishers or agents take notice or interest in it.

I have no idea what in your past history you can find that will give your book that "special something".

Apart form that I just think you need to sit done a work out a chapter plan (or story plan) of your entire book form start to finish, write it and go through a few re hashes and re-edits until you are finally happy with it.

Enough to present to a publisher or agent.

(PS. My father used to be a registered Spiritual Healer at one point in his life, and there are indeed people who swear by it, compared to the mucking about they get from the NHS.)

Dean - Just an idea - I think this needs to be wrote in third person ... but no need to listen to me - what do I know?

Try this - 'Rough Justice is a true tale of medical negligence, a cover up and unbelieveable legal struggle.

On the 5th June 1965, Dean John Keely was born and was horribly neglected by doctors - as a result he went on to develop celebral palsy and epilepsy ...

I'll complete blurb for you if you want - or leave it as it is!

Best,

Alison :)

Hi Dean,

I really enjoyed your no waffle, straight to the point writing style. It make the story very easy to read. This is my favourite style for a biography. I felt a bit like we were sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of tea while you chatted about your story.

There is a little bit of work to be done on the technical side. Some better placed punctuation would help the flow run more smoothly. Please don't think I'm criticising, I'm not. I think you are a brilliant story teller and once you iron out the little typos this will be a super read.

Best of luck,

Janny

Hi Dean
You've been on my shelf for a while - and deservedly so. This is an inspiring story, strongly told. Well done, sir.
PJ

Ch.1 1st sentence should be "It was a cold..."
and there should be a comma after 'night' in that sentence.
It's a very long sentence that you may want to consider breaking in two. I noticed this a lot in your writing.
I think you should rework it so there are paragraphs. Besides really long sentences, the main problems I saw were punctuation and there were a few gramatical and spelling typos. I'm a little short on time today, but I took note of a few instances I thought would benefit from change, so here's how I think they should be:

1. The condensation had loosened the wallpaper and the damp blackness that clung to the walls meant that it would never be able to be stuck back.
2. The cupboards, whilst clean in the main, were all too often empty; the nicer things and luxuries of life belonged to someone else, because they certainly did not exist in 90 Runfold Avenue.
3. I think I have only gotten worse.

This is merely suggestion, so take what you want and leave the rest. I hope it helps. Judging by your pitch and your first chapter, I think you've got a good story to tell, just needs polishing up a bit, as all our stories do. Best of luck to you. Starred. :) I hope you can find the time to take a look at my book of children/YA stories and if there happen to be any children in your life, I'd love their opinions as well. Have a great day!

God bless,
Trista

As Steve Irwin would have said: Crikey! If this isn't an inspiring story and a sign of how obstacles are there to be overcome then I don't know what is. I've come across a lot of autobiographies but this isn't some overwrought melodrama, it's engaging (no judo-related pun intended!), beautifully depicted and an excellent story. Best of luck, Dean, I hope you do well.

Backed with pleasure.

Jack H

Backed Rough Justices. We need people to share their life stories. It gives us courage to work through our own life problems. We found your story compelling and told in a way all readers can relate too.

We have found Authonomy a valuable tool authors can use to improve their writing. We have used the suggestions and comments we have gotten from readers to revise our book three times. If grammar, punctuation, capitalization, etc. is not your thing (most authors have trouble in this area) find someone to help you proof and edit. This leaves you free to write. I notice you used the word cold several times in the first paragraph. A thesaurus makes a handy composing tool when you need to find another word to keep from sounding repetitious or boring.
Suggestions for when you revise.

1. First paragraph needs to be broken into several smaller sentences. Also we believe you meant to type the word “It” instead of “I” as the first word of the paragraph. Possible rewrite for the first paragraph might be……

It was a frigid third day of February in the year 1965. The night wind was doing its best to rearrange the curtains. The floors was icy and the walls were cold and damp. The occupants of 90 Rumfold Avenue were freezing. It was the kind of cold that gets inside the marrow of your bones, chilling every fiber of your being.
CC Brown

Judo-man,
I read 7 chapters of your book, which is more than the 3 or 4 that I usually do. I think in chapter 1 you have overused the word, cold, and you should use other words to convey the same message. Like frigid, icy, etc,. I also think your book could use copy editing as I observed numerous typos and errors, including "his lose", which should be his loss. Is Glasgow really Port Glasgow, as Craig Ferguson is from there and he never uses the word port? In chapter 2, your use of the medical fraternity for the covering up of your mother's poor maternal health care was effective. When referring to a severally handicapped child, it would be more enlightening to specify the limitations. I love the honesty on the Catholic School dogma. The urination scene is powerful and I can relate to having had an insensitive control-freak teacher or two, including my first grade one, who refused to allow me to go to the bathroom. (Mrs. Ericksen you bitch). In chapter 7 you are missing the preposition in the sentence, I got locked I a store cupboard, should be in a store cupboard. Your book is very angry and that can be off putting for some. Perhaps if it were balanced with some happy times or humorous incidences? Congratulations on your judo achievements!
Best of luck with your health issues.
Your book intimates on one of the important issues in health care, which is how a health policy incentive (paying for home births) in this case caused an adverse consequence resulting in patient harm. But it also reflects on the UK tort system which makes it difficult for the individuals to bring actions against others, much more so that in the USA. So in this case, the doctor did not appear to fear a malpractice suit.
I have rated it and will put it on my watchlist, but I think you still have some work to do on this memoire.
Roberta

A very moving, well written biography which needs to be heard in the interests of justice. You have a "straight to the point" writing style which is easy to read and enables the reader to empathise from the very beginning. Good luck with this book.
Yours Bea

I read the first two chapters and it struck me that you need to tell this story for your own sake, so perhaps the most important thing about it is already achieved and should give you great satisfaction.

Then there's the questions of whether it works as a book for a wide audience and whether it can be improved. The pitch shows that this is a true story of an amazing life, well worth the writing in subject matter, and you create characters, situation and details of the time (the 60s) and the place with an intensely personal voice that engaged me from the start. I think you should avoid putting words all in capital letters, which you do quite often, as this is like shouting at your reader and you don't need to do this to make me feel the emotion of what you're telling me.

I like the honesty, energy and choice of detail. 'They were the perfect couple. Both Roman Catholics from Scotland, both working class and both Celtic FC supporters.' gives me an instant picture of this couple. Your punctuation is not good but the book reads aloud well, which means that any competent Editor could correct your punctuation (and spelling mistakes). That is just a technical job that many people could do for you but no-one else has a personal voice and story to tell like yours. As far as I'm concerned, the technical errors do interfere with reading your story but not enough to prevent the strength of the story itself coming through.

I have a couple of suggestions for improvement on what I've read. I don't like the 'witness statement' from the grandmother and I'd prefer this if it was incorporated into the telling of the story, so that you use all your witnesses' information to tell the story in a natural way. If you prefer, you could say, 'When X talked about that day, later, she said .... ' but at the moment it's dropped in like a testimony in a police trial and I don't think it suits the narrative style of your autobiography.

For the same reason, I don't like the paragraph giving your information from 30 years later. It feels like it's just dropped into the story. I think you need to link it more smoothly to what went before. As I found out 30 years later, the doctor was probably drunk at the time, this being rumoured to be the usual case...'

I completely understand you wanting to express your outrage but I'd cut those direct expressions of feelings because you've shown how disgusting it is, so you can let us feel that without having to hammer us with it. It's more powerful to make the reader feel something than to tell them, so I don't think you need to call the doctor 'the bastard' for us to feel he is, as you present him.

I think your story would be of interest as a newspaper article to e.g. the Daily Mail, which seeks stories of triumph over adversity. Perhaps you've already told your story in newspapers but maybe not up to date, and maybe not with reference to writing a book on it. Of course you want the truth to be told, a dn a way of expressing your bitterness about the hospital system, but I shouldn't think you want a lawsuit for defamation of character because of the way you write your book, so I think you need legal advice on what you can write about real people. Writing an article for a newspaper or journal would help you with this. I know it's easy these days to post whatever you want online but the laws are there for a reason and you'll achieve more, in my opinion, if you work within them. If you want publication, you want to be sure that anything you write is factually accurate or that a rumour is decsribed as a rumour, not as a fact. A publisher might not mind being contraversial, but would definitely not want to face a lawsuit, or even face the hassle of an enraged group of workers (everyone who works in hopsitals, potentially) Do you really believe all hospitals are bad and all doctors are criminals?

Get a good editor to correct all the errors in punctuation and spelling, and to show you how to improve your own written correctness. Perhaps that English teacher who believed in you wouldn't mind running through your manuscript.

And I love the title and idea for 'Ladies' Night' - what great potential. Write it!

Jean Gill
Song at Dawn

Hi Dean

You have a compelling story here, and true life stories do well on Autho. The only downside is that there's not much that I feel able to comment on, as this is a personal story to you. It's very emotional, and it's very raw. I do however think that it needs to be polished in terms of editing out typos etc, but once this has been done, this will be a very compelling and inspiring story, whether you're trying to get it published or just getting your feelings down on paper.

In either case, thank you for such a compelling read, and kudos to you for putting it up on here.

Given you five stars - the only reason it's not six is because of the need for editing.

Silva
x

So many people have said good things about Rough Justice that I wanted to read it, but I'm afraid I can't. Your story sounds interesting, but I'm really sorry, I just can't fight through the misspelling and typos and incorrect punctuation to find the story. I do apologize.

If you go through it with an eye for copy editing, please let me know, as I would like to hear about your story.

Best wishes.

Dean,
I first want to say that you have incredible courage and determination. To be able to write about your life and all you've been through is commendable. By reading through, I feel many will be inspired by your will to never give up. It was difficult to read the heart wrenching tale, but again, the love and support of the family is wonderful....well with the exception of 'Sailor'. After all you've been through, I believe you've won in life, with having much love and support.

I see others have commented on structure, grammar and punctuation..I believe with a good editing, the flow and ease will draw the reader into this intimately told story. There are paragraphs which can be combined, eliminating repeated descriptions, to punch the story along at a more even pace. There are some tense and spelling errs here and there...but because this is an autobiography, people will be drawn by the pure heart n soul it is written with.

All my best,
Wendy
'And When'

A very hard to read story because of the treatment of such an innocent beings character.But a very inspiring story. Very exceptional. Although very sad at parts to read. I am glad that you have found the courgae to let us all read your story. Keep it up and thank you for sharing with all of us.

Hey Dean, for some reason chapters 19 and 20 are tagged onto the end of chapter nine.

Might need to go in and delete that. :)

Your story is an inspiration to others, however, if I had met you on the streets anywhere in the nineties I would have thought you were a complete headcase!! Fighting for the hell of it? I would have had kittens. LOL
Having said that, as a good catholic I cannot in all conscience not say that this is a really easy to read story.
Oh and Lil is a very lucky woman to have you too, and I am quite sure she knows it. :)
Millie C
Crown of Thorns

Please forgive me for only commenting on structure, grammar, form, etc. This isn't my preferred genre so I won't comment on content.

"The year was 1965. It was a cold 3rd of February and that night the wind was doing its best to rearrange the curtains. The floor was cold, the walls were cold, and the occupants of 90 Runfold Avenue were quite literally freezing. There were only so many pairs of old shoes the family could burn in the fire to keep the cold out.

Winter crept deep into the marrow of the bones, chilling every fiber. it curled the edges of the linoleum floor that had seen better days,and spread dampness across every wall in the house. Condensation loosened the wallpaper, black mold clinging to the walls in its place."

Does this help? If so, I'll continue.

My sister was born with the cord around her neck and became disabled. She walks on her tiptoes. She was offered an op but it could have gone wrong quite easily and left her in a wheelchair permanently. Always had the greatest admiration for people who never give up and go on to inspire and help others. Good luck with this, it deserves a wider audience.

What a fighter! Sad to hear at the end your case for compensation was lost, horrified by Michael Mansfields statement that you might not wake up. But totally inspired that you have managed to put it all in writing. I might be wrong, but for this alone, I think you'd probably have trouble getting a mainstream publisher to touch it, though not certain.

The teenage Dean, reminds me so much of George and how he is now. He does seem to think that fighting is the way forward (although the poor little sod talks about it all the time, he never fights) He's always coming home saying he's gonna punch someone or other. Maybe it's his way of dealing with stuff. He's destined to be 6ft 9in - at fifteen he barely clears the doorway. He is as strong as an ox, and I hope he doesn't get too violent for his own sake. He's a lovely kid and I'd hate to see him get into bother or do someone damage.

I fought for years to try and bring a case, but legal aid only goes as far as causation. They put George's problems down to cytomegolavirus, even though I was there when he was born and saw his heart fade to nothing, even though the cord was twice round his neck, even though they lost the records! It's bollocks, it really is.

I just hope George meets his own Lil one day, and they live a happy life.


Wishing you all the very best, Dean.
Sue x

Hi Dean,
I've just read through to chapter five, and as promised, I'll continue to the end. I remember talking to you about this book after you read A Boy Called George. Your family sound so much like ours. As George's grandmother, we too have a great relationship, as you and Mrs McAvoy.

It makes me sick that the health authorities are still doing the same thing now that they were in the 60's - losing records, covering up negligence etc. I often wish I could get all the parents together and march to Downing Street and demand they find them. It's still the same old story. Lose the records and there is nothing to answer to.

I agree to a certain extent about the importance of sending a disabled child to mainstream school. It did George the world of good. The authorities kinda put pressure on us - making us feel as if we weren't giving him the best chance, so when he was 8, we gave in, and it was the worst year of his life. It turned him into some angry boy! Totally changed his personality for years to come. We got him back into mainstream, where he was happy for a few years, but he just couldn't cope with secondary, and now has an easier life at a nice special school where they don't bother too much about the curriculum, but teach life skills.

George is 15 now and can still get quite angry, and recently, a couple of so called friends locked him in the tennis courts and left him for a couple of hours. I was so mad, I had visions of locking them in the boot of the car and see how they fucking liked it!

I'm gonna read on...

Firstly – being so close to my family I completely understood the emotion you have for your family. They play such a big part in our lives.
Second – I smiled when I read about your friend Bryan as it reminds me so much of my two older brothers who also left a name in our old home town. Always causing some kind of trouble everywhere they went ;).
And lastly – Amen to the bastard Policeman, but I do believe that the wheel does turn, so I am sure he got his day.

I will continue to read and comment on my outlook of the book.

Green h