Book Jacket

 

rank 1523
word count 16210
date submitted 30.06.2010
date updated 01.07.2010
genres: Fiction, Young Adult, Popular Cultu...
classification: universal
incomplete

Dream Big

Aymun Khalid

Poverty causes much more than starvation and depression. People steal, cheat, even kill because they're so desperate for food.

 

Walk through the destined life of a talented and ambitious boy who is facing the hardships of poverty. Qasim lives in a poor village centered in Pakistan. Have you ever wondered how it feels like to live in a low level living standard life with no hospitals, no doctors, no schools and no teachers!? See how Qasim meets new people and has new adventures in his everyday life. Qasim thinks outside of the box, and has big dreams. But his biggest wish was to get a high ranking education. He never thought that it would actually happen, but as his passed away mother used to say “When there’s a will, there’s a way”. In this fascinating book, read how Qasim tries to fulfill his many wishes; educate himself (to reduce poverty), educate other poor children and offer villages with medical facilities.

 
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tags

pakistani poverty

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19 comments

 

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Kit Masters wrote 67 days ago

Hello, I really liked the opening chapter and related to Qasim straight away.

I'd like to see you correct the strange blemishes in the text e.g. where you seem to have changed your mind as to whether to write "he" or "Quasim" as it is frustrating and breaks the flow of reading.

I actually really like the asides to tell us what is going to happen later, even though I think you've just included them for this preview of your work.

It's a feature of many epic works that the writer informs you of the outcome as you go, there is an inevitability then, something perhaps you could build in to your work, as the prologue certainly had the feel of an epic tale about to unfold.

Regards

Kit

nuknuk wrote 421 days ago

You got my attention from the start and kept it, way to go! Definately a great read for YA enthusiasts.
Leslie Gervais
"Love Has No Borders"

will shelve a.s.a.p.

Luke Bramley wrote 679 days ago

Okay, heavy stuff, needing a light touch which you often provide. Find the silver line. It should be unnecessary to explain your text. Backed by Brammers, The Kingdom Within.

Anthony Brady wrote 679 days ago

DREAM BIG by Ayum Khalid.

Ayum - You have the genesis here of what could develop into an attractive and important book. Most people are aware of the relative wealth and achievements of immigrant Indian and Pakistani people but few will have read much about the poverty-stricken lives of those living on the sub-continent in the way you describe living conditions there. I worked alongside the Bangladeshi community in the Brick Lane area of Tower Hamlets, London for many years. You write with great knowledge, lived experience and cultural sensitivity. Quasim is a prism through which you reflect the aspirations of those seeking to rise from poverty and faced with the numerous setbacks you illustrate in your narrative. Your strengths as a writer are obvious. The weaknesses are evident in your numerous mispelt words and disjointed text in places. Pouringraining is a repeated word howler.. Overall though, there is much to commend in the 6 Chapters posted and provided you take a close critical re-read and correct the errors, I envisage your book being a success. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.




soutexmex wrote 689 days ago

Welcome aboard, Aymun. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch is too much pontification. The long pitch needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End it with one question. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Famlavan wrote 689 days ago

I think the first impression I got was how authentic this all felt!
Your style of writing and the dialogue made it feel very real. Also you grounded the story in time and place with the descriptive narrative. Me I’d take out the piece about Daniel helping out later on, I know it tells how the story develops, however I think you can trust your readers. This has been an enjoyable read. – Good luck!

A Knight wrote 691 days ago

This is a wonderful YA piece. I was pulled in right from the start by the thoughtful, intelligent tone of Qasim, and your wonderful descriptions really help to highlight the dichotomy of wealth and poverty.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx
Relic

name falied moderation wrote 692 days ago

Dear Aymun

And congrats on an amazing book cover which is the first thing to attract your potential reader. Your pitch both short and long really prompted me to read your work and I am so glad I did as it did not disappoint. So well crafted with characters that just popped into my head and did not want to leave.

BACKED by me for sure.....My book is a different genre but crossing over gave me the opportunity to comment and back your talent. Please take the time to comment on mine so I may improve my skill, and if you feel so back it.

Best of luck
Denise
The Letter

DP Walker wrote 692 days ago

Hi Aymun
I like the way you portray the Pakistani culture and life through Qasim's eyes. You really helped me get into his mind and feel his emotions. It does need a bit of an edit and grammar check to tidy some sentences up before you can be seriously considered by a publisher, but you have a real raw talent. I look forward to seeing a great cover for this book too!
DP Walker
Five Dares

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 692 days ago

Excellent look into someone else's culture. More works like this may pave the way for us to appreciate each other and our hostories. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

yasmin esack wrote 692 days ago

AYMUN
THIS IS A WELL WRITTEN EMOTIONAL STORY THAT TOUCHES THE HEART. YOUR CHARACTERS ARE WELL PORTRAYED AND YOU DO A GREAT JOB OF GRABBING THE READER FROM THE BEGINNING.

BACKED
THE THIRD EYE

Barry Wenlock wrote 692 days ago

Asalaam alekum, thanks for writing this story Ayaman. I liked it but have identified a few small problems. These may be encapsulated in your opening paragraph--over-writing (too many words, too much detail, repetition of words and facts). Does your reader need to know that the horse is white and brown spots? Is that fact important? Does the horse reappear in the story? Ask questions like that and prune back verbs like 'blurted out' -- remember editors prefer 'says' or 'said' in most cases. Your paragraph contains 54 words, mine 44. I hope this is helpful. Please fell free to ignore if you wish, of course.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry,
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BYS

Why is the landlord's big house so full of furniture? Can I have some food? There's lots. I can smell it, Quasim blurted to his mother, Ayesha. He stared at the statue of a horse, which looked like it might charge straight at them.

cutley wrote 692 days ago

Good luck. This is a link to a thread on the forum explaining how the site works: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=57319

Charles

JMCornwell wrote 693 days ago

Was Qasim destined to be poor or do something great? Destined in the first sentence is out of place. The rest of the pitch is a bit of a jumble and full of cliches: 'thinks outside the box,' has big dreams,' has new adventures in his every day life...' This needs to be more focused and clearer. This should give an overview of the story and it should be in the same tone and style as the book. "Read how, see how...' these are the kinds of things a carnival barker would say. A pitch should interest and editor or agent and be more professional.

JMC

SusieGulick wrote 693 days ago

Dear Aymun, I love that you shared this touching story of poverty - in my memoir, I shared, too. :) Was wondering if this is based on fact? I like that you make me feel that I'm right there in the story. :) "Lord, help all of those that are in poverty around the world." Your pitch & prologue are excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

Burgio wrote 693 days ago

DREAM BIG
I like books that whisk me away from my everyday world and transport me to a new and different on. And this one does that wonderfully by telling the story of a poor boy in Pakistan. You describe your settings well. Qasim is a likable main character. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lynn clayton wrote 693 days ago

The dialogue is so real that if you took out the bits of narrative in between it would still make sense, like a play. It's a straightforward read but shows much skill. Little details like 'frightening dark gloomy eyes' depict the landlord clearly. And it's amusing when Qasim wonders why the landlord can't go and get an education and come back good.
The family in their desperation having to resort to magic they don't believe in to save Ayesha is touching, as is the thought of the dead baby poisoning her.
It's a gripping read that doesn't need the prompts you give, telling us what will happen later in the story. You have our attention without them. Backed with best wishes, lynn

RichardBard wrote 693 days ago

Dear Aymun,

Nice work on 'Dream Big'. I've only read a short bit of it so far, but I liked the inspirational nature of Qasim's story. I was happy to back it and wish you nothing but success. I hope it's a winner!

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Semi-Finalist)

Joanna Carter wrote 693 days ago

Aymun, welcome to Authonomy! This looks it's going to be a really interesting story, I'll return to finish but I'm backing on what I've read so far. Best of luck!
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

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