To Speak of Dying

This is a very well crafted title, that makes the reader think, and leaves the door open for more. The development could be as long as a you, the author wants it to be - Genius!

This is a very popular genre. Though this is a heavy-weight contender!

Wishing you every success - BACKED!

stevew
The Ultimate/The Authors Cut

I agree, no issue is very truly black or white. You have an intriguing look at a very probable scenario of the future. I love the line: "I'm no pais! Go eat lama dung!" Very interesting premise: "Why is there no record of us?" Well, the twins were not incinerated and are still alive. The plot thickens. I'm coming back to find out where this is going. Just need to get a little time once summer vacation begins. Backed for now.

Powerfully and effectively done, sir!

Your writing is deep and holds explanatory passages that may be a little heavy for some but that's a style thing.

I enjoy the imagination of the sci fi writer, I sadly have nothing such.

It is a masterfully, professionally structured story and something that I felt compelled to BACK.

Good luck to you. Cheers.

When you go into dialogue mode your characters and your story comes alive as opposed to when you are telling us about the background of the story and the surroundings. Let the story happen through your characters eyes, with less narative, weave the descriptions in giving atmosphere, without devoting whole paragraphs to it. Some readers will only skip it all anyway, wanting to get to the action. Let this interesting, gripping story shine out, don't bog it down. I know you can do it, you are a writer of literary merit. Backed for exciting potential. Please take a look at my novel if you have time, An Unbreakable Bond, by Mary Wood. Thank you, love Mary.

Nicely set up with good scenes planted in the readers' minds. I am not a sci-fi fan at all and so it is important for me to be able to relate to the mc, which I could and did. I'm backing you because this is a difficult genre in which to shine. But you have. I wish you every success. Myffy (Expected)

A great story and very well imagined. Your world projects genuine realism and suggests you have thought about it in great deal. What let this opening chapter down is too many long sentences with a serious lack of punctuation. Try varying your sentence length, and punctuate or break down some of the very long ones.

I will back and then keep on my W/L as I am intrigued enough for a second look.

Best wishes,
Linton

Hi Anna, You’ve made an involving scenario of the colony. It has a classical feeling as if the settling there had gone back to another age. The Provider being suspicious and the rudeness of the guards towards the protagonist, her standing up for herself, demonstrate the removed situation. I wondered exactly what she was selling. The writing feels a little lax and that it could be tightened. I found myself immersed in this. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

You have tackled a very difficult and complex subject matter and you have tackled it well. You simultaneously explore the negatives and positives of human evolution and all that that entails and set out the paramiters of your arguements effectively. Your straight forward writing approach makes your work a pleasure to read.

My only nit picky point is that some of your paragraphs are too long and need to be broken up. As an example in your first paragraph a natural break point could be with the sentence starting " It was..." Backed

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I am intrigued by some of the concepts but, I'm afraid, not hooked by the first chapter. In my opinion there was too much back story up front. Also, you still have quite a few typos to address along the lines of: "There was a large screen the square that broadcast...." and "In particular type of goods..."

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Strangely I was just having the conversation this morning that here in the UK we don't 'do' death very well!
topical ideas, plenty to think about and some original slants to mainatin reader interest.
Provokes a lot of questions.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

please do take a look! :)

I agree, no issue is very truly black or white. You have an intriguing look at a very probable scenario of the future. I love the line: "I'm no pais! Go eat lama dung!" Very interesting premise: "Why is there no record of us?" Well, the twins were not incinerated and are still alive. The plot thickens. I'm coming back to find out where this is going. Just need to get a little time once summer vacation begins. Backed for now.

Intriguing. Enjoyed the first chapter and will have to watch closely. Well crafted... CG

Good title and concepts. I skimmed the first chapter but the storytelling didn't really grab me.

This is a very well crafted title, that makes the reader think, and leaves the door open for more. The development could be as long as a you, the author wants it to be - Genius!

This is a very popular genre. Though this is a heavy-weight contender!

Wishing you every success - BACKED!

stevew
The Ultimate/The Authors Cut

Great plot! And well told by a talented writer. One 'nit' is that you could use commas more often, something that I've had trouble with myself and it takes an outside reader, obviously reading it for the first time, to spot the lack. Best of luck - Jayne

When you go into dialogue mode your characters and your story comes alive as opposed to when you are telling us about the background of the story and the surroundings. Let the story happen through your characters eyes, with less narative, weave the descriptions in giving atmosphere, without devoting whole paragraphs to it. Some readers will only skip it all anyway, wanting to get to the action. Let this interesting, gripping story shine out, don't bog it down. I know you can do it, you are a writer of literary merit. Backed for exciting potential. Please take a look at my novel if you have time, An Unbreakable Bond, by Mary Wood. Thank you, love Mary.

Powerfully and effectively done, sir!

Your writing is deep and holds explanatory passages that may be a little heavy for some but that's a style thing.

I enjoy the imagination of the sci fi writer, I sadly have nothing such.

It is a masterfully, professionally structured story and something that I felt compelled to BACK.

Good luck to you. Cheers.

Nicely set up with good scenes planted in the readers' minds. I am not a sci-fi fan at all and so it is important for me to be able to relate to the mc, which I could and did. I'm backing you because this is a difficult genre in which to shine. But you have. I wish you every success. Myffy (Expected)

You get my vote just for being able to open with a description that uses more then one sense (so many are stuck in just visual descriptions).
Sci-fi is not my thing unless it is good (in my eyes). And this I think is very good. You put building blocks down to base the story on which helped me ground where this was coming from. Up to Semreh looking to the end of his servitude and I sense a great story developing here. – Good luck!

Not sure about the wording of the pitch - it's not the usual publisher/ back of book style. I'm putting this on my watchlist and hope to see what the interior of the book is like in the next few days.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

There is a lot of Sci-Fi on here so we all get to read quite a bit of it. I consider this to be really original and it has loads of potential. Many people will criticise the 'slow start' but you are establishing the tale and it suits me as a reader. You should do very well with this. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

You've got a few typos and grammar errors, but that applies to all of us.

The most consistent error is with your dialogue.

Each set of dialogue from a different person needs a new paragraph - two people cannot speak in the same paragraph.

If the tag following the speech refers to the act of speaking then it is in the same sentence and is separated by a comma. If the tag represents action or does not refer to the act of speaking, then there should be full-stop (period). Note: there is no capital after a comma.

The use of "?" or "!" does not affect the capitalisation. In the first example if a "?" didn't exist, then there would be a comma, therefore the next word is not capitalised.

- "Is it really?" she asked.
- "Yes," he replied.
- "I'll change it." She walked away.

Hope this helps.

My own grammar is terrible - btw!

;o)

Thank you very much. I have taken your advice on board and have already set to on editing to some extent.

You've got a few typos and grammar errors, but that applies to all of us.

The most consistent error is with your dialogue.

Each set of dialogue from a different person needs a new paragraph - two people cannot speak in the same paragraph.

If the tag following the speech refers to the act of speaking then it is in the same sentence and is separated by a comma. If the tag represents action or does not refer to the act of speaking, then there should be full-stop (period). Note: there is no capital after a comma.

The use of "?" or "!" does not affect the capitalisation. In the first example if a "?" didn't exist, then there would be a comma, therefore the next word is not capitalised.

- "Is it really?" she asked.
- "Yes," he replied.
- "I'll change it." She walked away.

Hope this helps.

My own grammar is terrible - btw!

;o)

Thank you very much. I have taken your advice on board and have already set to on editing to some extent.

Hi Anna, you have made a very good start with this interesting and thought provoking study of the future and the results of science and technology. Yes, there are typos but the shell is in place, ready for the polishing.
Backed with pleasure, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Great characterizations. You do need to take the time to edit out the grammatical errors. I found your story interesting and will back it.

I hope you will give mine a read, and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Dear Anna,
You have crafted a completely original book here congrats on that. Your pitch short and long as well as your book is so well crafted with characters that a vivid in their color. I dont usually read this genre, well that is not really true as since I have been on this site i have crossed over a lot, but I thought there was a limit to how much sci- fi could be written without it sounding the same. you have changed my mind completely, yes you have. So exciting

BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you can cross over to my genre and review my book, please comment ( this assists me in honing my skill) and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Letter

Dear Anna
Congratulations on posting To Speak of Dying. I have skimmed through your first chapter and seen great promise and potential in your writing. Backed with pleasure and returning to re comment.
Best of luck
Helen
The Last Dream

and on a sunn day. It filled the whole square ( this must be an error, you need to renove the fullstop after day.)

Your pitches are marvellous and yyour writing imaginative and stirring.
backed
THE THIRD SIGHT

Good luck. This is a link to a thread on the forum explaining how the site works: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=57319

Charles

Hi Anna, wow - heavy stuff. Very open, very real, appreciated your work. I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who appreciates a good visual. And you paint a very good one.

blessings,
Jim
jack & charmian london

Dying is over-rated.

Living in units, rule by clerics, no democracy or songs from the old world (no Shakespeare!) - it sounds delightful.
Simetra is an admirable character, obviously breaking the rules when it benefits others and showing physical courage with the brutal guard.
The picture of society you paint is terrifying, with people living interminable lives of oppression, control and genetic engineering. And who's to say it's fantasy? A compelling, cautionary tale. Very well done. Backed. Lynn

Dear Anna, I am a twin sister, so was deeply touched by your story. I love that you have shared this difficult subject of mental illness & the ill-treatment of patients - I saw it 1st hand in the '91 when my ex-husband was been treated - it is totally tragic. Thank you for stepping up & letting the world know about it. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) I have a short attention span, so had a really difficult time reading your book. I suggest you put 3 sentences in a paragraph, so it would me a much easier read. Your dialogue was excellent & you may want to put them in separate paragraphs, too. This would make me want to keep reading to find out what was going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

TO SPEAK OF DYING
This is an interesting story. The premise is intriguing: what will happen in the future when genetic engineering is possible? Simetra is a good main character; she’s both likable and spunky; and certainly sympathetic because of the way she’s treated by the burly guard. Wondering what her world is like and how that will affect her life kept me reading. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

You need not repeat your tag line in the body of the pitch. It's redundant. Nor do you need to put quotes around words to emphasize them. Let them stand on their own or italicize them.

'The two issues seem to be closely related..." What two issues: population and god? Say so. Break it down a bit more. The last sentence is long, complex and convoluted. Keep it simple.

'This is an issue ever present in the public eye and kept there by authors like Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. Why do they keep it there? What is their intention? Needs to be clearer. Is this science fiction or nonfiction with a scientific basis. That is confusing. Needs work.

Gene Roddenberry wrote a powerful episode about the issue of over population on Star Trek in which Captain Kirk was captured so his blood could be used to begin a plague to kill many of the people on an over populated world. Ayn Rand said that philosophy and great truths demonstrated in fiction were more powerful and lasted longer in people's minds. I think this is your intention. Tell the story and leave the pontificating for the characters, but not too much preaching. It then becomes less a story and more a soap box. Good luck.

JMC

Welcome aboard, Anna. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch, well, I don't understand: is this Sci Fi or non-fiction. When you start citing these other authors, I was wondering if this is some screed about atheism. But it still needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

backed :)
Love, Susie :)

I'm in two minds about this. The idea behind the story is good, interesting, and well developed as far as I can tell from a very superficial read, but it would help a lot if you got rid of the massive amount of explanatory text in the middle of ch 1 and introduced the necessary information more gradually, in dialogue or in shorter chunks at least. I also feel you haven't struck a comfortable balance yet between formal and informal language as narrator. "... haul her over his knee and larrup her backside ..." - this just doesn't fit with the grim menace of the Guards that you've already conveyed - and neither does her "rolling her eyes" when she sees 6 of these terrifying and rightly-feared men approaching.
There are several typos that you should tidy up to make the work more polished (just by the way: not "on mass" but "en masse"). None the less I think this is going to be an interesting story, your spelling and punctuation are miles better than a lot I've seen on this site - some people think they don't matter but they are very mistaken - and I'm happy to BACK your book and see how it goes.

Thank you very much for your feed back and helpful advice.

I'm in two minds about this. The idea behind the story is good, interesting, and well developed as far as I can tell from a very superficial read, but it would help a lot if you got rid of the massive amount of explanatory text in the middle of ch 1 and introduced the necessary information more gradually, in dialogue or in shorter chunks at least. I also feel you haven't struck a comfortable balance yet between formal and informal language as narrator. "... haul her over his knee and larrup her backside ..." - this just doesn't fit with the grim menace of the Guards that you've already conveyed - and neither does her "rolling her eyes" when she sees 6 of these terrifying and rightly-feared men approaching.
There are several typos that you should tidy up to make the work more polished (just by the way: not "on mass" but "en masse"). None the less I think this is going to be an interesting story, your spelling and punctuation are miles better than a lot I've seen on this site - some people think they don't matter but they are very mistaken - and I'm happy to BACK your book and see how it goes.

Having read some of your interesting book - there are numerous typos and grammatical mistakes mainly with the use of prepositions but generally your work is challenging and rewarding ,it just needs some final editing - I WILL BACK YOUR BOOK - perhaps you could have a look at my books and maybe comment - good luck !

Thank you. for your feed back. I now have a project for this evening. Can I ask what drew you to it?

Having read some of your interesting book - there are numerous typos and grammatical mistakes mainly with the use of prepositions but generally your work is challenging and rewarding ,it just needs some final editing - I WILL BACK YOUR BOOK - perhaps you could have a look at my books and maybe comment - good luck !

Having read some of your interesting book - there are numerous typos and grammatical mistakes mainly with the use of prepositions but generally your work is challenging and rewarding ,it just needs some final editing - I WILL BACK YOUR BOOK - perhaps you could have a look at my books and maybe comment - good luck !