Taurus

Jenny,

Wow! What a fantasic opening, then it just keeps coming. This is the best piece of fantasy I've read here for a while: original, well executed and without cliche or info-dump. I've little by way of constructive cricticism: all I can say is that your pitch is not nearly as good as your work. On reading the pitch I expected cookie cutter unoriginal fantasy, nothing like what I got. It would great if your voice could come through in the pitch.

Backed with pleasure.

Oh this was so much fun to read! You've gotta upload more soon! What an awesome idea, you've got a great sense of imagination and really great heroines. I was completely taken by surprise by this, it's really stood out among the other stuff I've read lately. Such a wonderful and unique premise, just an overall great job, I personally didn't find anything wrong with it.

Missy

Ignore the tedious spam posting below...there is nothing wrong with your pitch...it hooked me straight away ! And that is what will get this book sold from bookshop shelves if there is any justice and it gets published.
Your excellent writing sparkles with imagination, the story is unique and excitng. One of the best books I've read for ages I loved your creation of piratical mermaids.....sassy and fierce !
Backed with great pleasure.

This is so fast I got too excited and needed to stop just to say YEAH!!!!

This is a revisit - the story is still as distinctive as ever: unusual, stand-out, far from run-of-the-mill fantasy that deserves to be noticed. I do like the mer-people.

It's become more fast paced than I remembered (which may of course be my memory, not the book's pacing) and the pace is fast, but not too fast, and works well. The prose flows extremely well and is also better and more confident than I remembered.

This book has either come on by leaps and bounds or I have a crap memory, but I don't think that really matters, because at the end of the day you have an exciting, distinctive, page turner that deserves to be taken note of.

Good luck with this.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Hi Jenny, I've come back to Taurus to try and find something to criticise, but it's really hard, it reads so well that it leaves little to say other than well done. It is one of the books which will be revisiting my bookshelf from time to time (annoyingly, the shelf isn't long enough to fit all the tomes I want, so they have to do a sort of timeshare thingy, durn it).

Hi Jenny, I've come back to Taurus to try and find something to criticise, but it's really hard, it reads so well that it leaves little to say other than well done. It is one of the books which will be revisiting my bookshelf from time to time (annoyingly, the shelf isn't long enough to fit all the tomes I want, so they have to do a sort of timeshare thingy, durn it).

Hi Jenny, I've come back to Taurus to try and find something to criticise, but it's really hard, it reads so well that it leaves little to say other than well done. It is one of the books which will be revisiting my bookshelf from time to time (annoyingly, the shelf isn't long enough to fit all the tomes I want, so they have to do a sort of timeshare thingy, durn it).

Jenny,

Well, howdy! I gotta say, Taurus is a unique plot that I've yet to see anywhere else. I'm liking the time skip between chapters one and two, as well as the change of tone, froms swords, sorcery and high adventure to a gritty, modern fantasy.

A few minor errors here and there, but nothing that detracts from the quality of the story. A quick read through should be enough to spot them.

Backed,
D. A. Darlington.

Review: Taurus chapter 1 and 2

you have the word craft of your world down pat. I had no problems believing your dialog. I enjoyed the battle scene early in the story.

Your transition lines and new scene intros are well crafted. There is no split in story or action I see an immediate story flow that I like as well as appreciate as an author.

I praise your descriptive work about your characters it's a Tolkien-esk flow to it.

My only suggestion is a minor one. Instead of using italics to signal the name of a ship.

IE : the Wraith --- try --- The scout ship Wraith --- remove the italics and save them for something like a piece of magic or a rare valuable bauble that comes up in the story arc.


I've noticed a few times you use a coma followed by and

he claimed they'd found monsters, and that the …..

That example takes away from your almost perfect prose. Look to remove as many - ,that or ,and that

You are a good word crafter don't let the THAT, AND, BUT rule your connective phrases. I see only a few in the sections I have read. I will try to read more as time becomes available.

Try to remove the periods where a sentence end with a period then begins with AND. Craft the sentence as one or two separate sentence. Some situations call for the old dash blah blah – blah blah

my rule if a sentence ends in a period do not start the next sentence with AND unless it's dialog driven.

You use Tauren in first chapter minotaur ins second chapter.

Is this a WOW reference. If so it's cool, I WOWed for a while. Some of my book has WOW feeling to it. WOW is a perfectly good fuel to show writers they can have flare.


I will invest more time in this book. I like it's world and characters. I hope you post more than the 12k you've got up now.

Hi Jenny, It is a mixture two types narration - adventure and fiction. It is capable to generate interest in a reader.

Hi, Jenny. This crit is offered as part of the "Alliance of Worldbuilders" thread on the forums.

#blurb - there's nothing here about the main characters: who they are (beyond being 'tomb raiders'), who/what threatens them (and why), and how they must change to overcome the challenges that prevent them getting home. According to the US agent blogs I read this is the sort of information that needs to go into a good pitch - and I have to admit that not knowing who the MCs are and why I, as a potential reader, should care for them does tend to make me a little less likely to check out the first chapter.

#1.1 - the first 2 paras are both passive and pluperfect - could this introductory info be woven into the chapter rather than placed up front? Against that, there's some nice description in the opening scene. I also think there's potential to ramp up the action - I'd definitely like to learn more about Karis by watching her in more detailed action as she and her clan take the ship and send it to the bottom of the sea.

>>> Her clan gave no quarter ...
I don't get this para. Who is (or what are) 'Selkin'?

#1.2 - I love the alliteration and assonance in the first para. Again, the opening paras are suffering from passive syntax structures - the devil in me wants to suggest that you start with the dialogue (which is good dialogue, btw) between Molly and Ellie and then segue this section into #1.3: is there any storytelling reason why this section needs to be separated by a whole day from the next section?

#1.3 - a better, more active start than the previous 2 sections, but the passive structures are creeping back in by para 8 ('lines were thrown', 'Molly was all set') - this has a deadening effect on the action and, as a reader, it's the action I want to be immersed in.

>>> With a snarl, she grabbed ...
You use 'lunged' as the verb twice here - something to watch out for.

#1.4 - only now do I learn that 'Selkin' is the name of the merpeople. Repetition of 'ears' in the first 2 paras. Again, I don't see why this section needs to be separated from the next section.

#2.1 - a marked change in language/word choice caused me a moment of confusion, but is entirely justified. It works brilliantly to take me to another set of characters and (I assume) another world. Again, good believable dialogue. Yet again, a touch too much reliance on the passive structures which distance me from the scene in a 'told-not-shown' way.

#2.2 - some very nice description in this scene. There's a few places where the punctuation needs tightening, and a few word choices could perhaps be reconsidered. This is the first scene where I felt the pacing of the writing matched the tension of the action.

#2.3 - again, good writing ... but it could be improved (in my opinion) by ramping up the tension a little - more surprise, perhaps, at the realisation that the first minotaur was recently human.

I had a quick peek at #3: we're back with the Selkin in a place called Sagara - nice descriptions here, good dialogue - the necessary infodump is scattered through the chapter and doesn't distract. What niggles I have are to do with wordchoices here and there, small punctuation trips, a tendency to lessen the tension when it could be ramped up to engage me more in the read.

All-in-all, I think you've got a viable book here. I think it will be an excellent book with a little extra work. Best wishes with it. Rik.

CHAPTER THREE

This reads a bit abstract to me. It's a new setting and you're spouting out its entire history. I can't see how it's relevant to the preceeding chapters and it feels out of place. It's written well enough, but can you at least give some hints as to how it's linked to what's gone on before? Otherwise it feels like we're just jumping to settings and seeing random events with no coherence.

Okay, so that's my three chapters done. Hope you found my comments useful. As I said, the story's built on fascinating ideals- work on really bringing it to life, it should do well.

Sam241

CHAPTER TWO

'that no one wanted to admit existed'- bit clunky. '...fixing the messes that everyone denied existed'?

'to go tagging along'- just 'to tag along' is fine.

'tag alongs'- maybe use something different for this descriptor? Else it's repetitive.

'the walking nervous breakdown'- show us! What's he doing? Shaking? Biting his nails? Quivering? Jumping twenty metres in the air whenever someone touches him?

Again the next paragraph is mostly telling us about Lee- give an example of why he's so feared?

A lot of dry exposition here...maybe cut some of it and weave it in more naturally later on?

'tag alongs' again. Maybe have Amy's make up her own nickname for them (she obviously considers them a nuisance)?

'The gang of workers'- again, more telling. How did they start so enthusiastically? Also, liven up the imagery- rather than slowed down, how about 'burnt out'?

More telling of what characters did earlier- liven it up a bit. 'Intense attitude'- maybe 'Fury sparks' or something with a bit more oomph (obviously without going overboard!)

'Swallowing back a sigh'- if she did that she'd choke. You can't breathe and swallow at the same time.

'standing guard duty'- this is the third time you've told us Robson is guarding someone. I think the reader gets it- you don't have to keep referring to it.

'Wow.' She heard Rob say' - just 'Rob said'- if someone speaks we know we have to listen to them :)

'charging and dancing, killing and' - why not 'resting'? It fits with the pattern of the sentence.

'what covering that might once have blocked it'- if it's rotted, how does Morgan know it was covered?

'Curtis asked, the smirk on his lips...' you've slipped into Curtis' point of view. Not consistent as till now we've been with Morgan.

'alternated with those of' - drop the 'those of', we know they're statues.

'picking up some infection from the blood'- drop 'from the blood', you've already told us Morgan has ordered her team not to go near it.

'It's them,' Talty said'- again, very tame considering his nervousness and fright earlier on! How about squeaked? Shrilled? Show us that he's absolutely crapping himself!

'half moo/ half growl'- use a common, not a slash. This isn't an MSN conversation.

'She heard Robson'- don't need the 'she heard', we're in Morgan's point of view, you don't need she 'heard/smelt/ felt', just tell us what happens.

'The echoes around them'- very long sentence, and shatters the suspense you've built up so nicely. Give us the description of the shadow first, and THEN end it with a revelation from Morgan that it looks like a Minotaur.

'For long moments every was still then the'- whoa, built it up! Have everyone still. A pause. Then have the Minotaur charging (give it its own sentence). Short sentences reflect quick pace.

Great dialogue- shows us the relationship between the characters well!

The revelation about the Minotaur being the man- needs work. It's very thrown together and doesn't leave much room for Morgan to reflect on what she's seen, nor build on her reaction to not having as much information as her colleague. Slow it down a bit.

'few seconds of warning of it being awake'- don't need the 'of it being awake'. Just a few seconds warning is enough to get the reader into suspense; we know the Minotaur is going to wake up!

Lots of 'shot'- you don't always need to tell us this. Referring to what happens when it hits is enough.

Lots of action- quite hard to follow in places. I think you need to tighten this up a bit- only tell us what's relevant, and try and keep it clear and simple and focused.

General:

An interesting chapter with lots going on- developing well plot wise, but the writing needs some refining. Try not to be too prescriptive in what you tell us- let the character's behaviour show us things. You do this very well with the dialogue and competitive rivalry- so make the most of it!

Sam241

Hi there, your title caught my eye (as my own book has similar themes!), so I've taken it for a spin. Here are my thoughts, which you can frame on the wall/ shove into the bin as you please.

CHAPTER ONE

A good opening- but too many 'hads'! Might want to replace with 'were'.

'A flower of green'- a good descriptor, but you can empower it: 'A flower of green that blossomed in the sky.'

'But sometimes the call was heeded...'- the end of this sentence is a bit convoluted. Perhaps simplify to '...was heeded too late and the ravenous ocean swallowed up those who dared claim dominion over it.'

'...shielding her body from the eyes of her would-be rescuers'- this gives me the impression that she DOESN'T want to be found (which I'm assuming is not the intention you want. Maybe clarify it: her cloak is protecting her from the waves of the sea and the wind, rather than those who are trying to help her.

'This new ship'- again, could be simplified: 'The galleon was a triple masted beast of yellowed wood.'

'etched with sigils that told tales'- then you go on to say our protagonist can't read them. Thus, how does she know what they say?

Ah...I see now why the cloak thing earlier. Excellent twist! Still, in order not to give this away too soon, I'd perhaps drop the line and just mention she's got a cloak on.

'...as the sun' - because of the flare thing earlier, I assumed it was night-time. So this jarred me. Clarify this earlier to avoid the confusion?

'green'- green has lot of shades, use them! Emerald, olivine, leaf, parrot, sea, to name but a few...

The mermaid's description- I can why it's there, but, if we're in Karis' point of view (unless this is omniscient) she wouldn't 'describe herself' (since she already, one assumes, knows what she looks like. To get around this maybe have her fiddle with her equipment (such as the rope belt, or loosen her blades, or re-adjust an earring).

'She cut her way through them with an ease borne of...' -play this out a bit more. Does she slice and send them overboard? Dodge and let their clumsiness a bit more? Give us some of her moves!

'and so advanced'- don't need the 'so'

'The humans wielded'- this sentence confused me. I think you're saying that the mermaids, even though they could lure sailors to their doom with their voices, prefer deceiving them and hand-to-hand combat? Clarify this a bit more.

'Some they packed'- a bit too abstract. What? Coins? Rings? Swords?

'satisfied they had reaped all they could'- you could make this stronger. Add a metaphor? 'Having picked the ship clean like a vulture stripping a putrid carcass...'

'that were left in its dark hold'- what is the 'it' referring to? You haven't said ship in this line so it's not clear.

'to turn her usually deft hands'- drop the usually. If she's got deft hands 90% of the time, then deft hands is a skillset she has!

'held danger to her people'- again, give it soom oomph! e.g. 'would threaten her people'

'Too often did the...' this is a very long sentence and a bit tricky to read. Split it up a bit.

'found what she sought'- don't really like this construction. 'found it' leave the reader wondering what 'it' is, and fits with your earlier style better.

'Then in a swift movement'- if it was a swift movement she'd just kick the lamp and not wait for you to describe it :) Just 'She kicked the lamp'- the new paragraph tells us that it happens after she's taken the lamp outside.

'bloody water'- this makes me think the whole ocean is red- unlikely for one raid. Perhaps 'blood-streaked waves' would be more realistic.

'before the explosion ripped'- why tell us when you can show us? Also, if Karis is down below, she won't see that the ship is sinking, so you can't describe it as such (unless, as I said, you're following omniscient point of view, but this feels like locked to Karis' view, so you might want to keep it consistent with that).

'the ship silent as silk'- um, silk is soft, not silent. Most inanimate objects are silent :)

'Her captain, tall dark and...' all well and good, but how do we know she's a romantic pirate captain? We've just met her. Show us some of her manners- wistful sighing, posing on the rail, whatever.

'and as for the rest of the world'- this reference is a bit random? Perhaps you mean 'as to what the rest of the world thought?' about her job?

'Ellie Jackson'- again you give us a sentence descriptor of her- how can we verify it? It's better to show her doing something peculiar to her character. This gives a 'tag' for the reader to identify her with, rather than a forgetful single line.

'by sunset and as the sun sank'- you've just told us the sun set, no need to repeat it. I'd drop 'by sunset' and use the longer descriptor, it's more poetic.

'she cursed a string of'- just 'she cursed' would do.

'and the sound of screams' - just 'screams filled the air', we know that screams are meant to be heard and nothing else :)

'and swung hard with his blade when he met her'- don't need 'when he met her', we can infer that Molly's being attacked as it's her own opinion that he swings hard.

'He used his weight to throw her...' -interesting, I didn't know you could use weight like that. I think just 'He threw her back to the mast'. Keep it simple, it's a fight scene.

'but Molly Reilly would not be lost'- a bit too telling. Show us her determination- is she struggling, kicking out, biting?

I note the word 'sliced' appears to be one of your favourites. There are many others to vary it: cut, stabbed, skimmed, slashed, edged, scored, wounded, tore, ripped...

'the shin of the captain holding her' - you don't need the 'holding her' as you've already said as much earlier.

'Around her it was...'- don't need 'Around her'. Just 'it was hard to tell which side...' Bring us closer to Molly's point of view, let US be in her head and see what she does.

Ellie's betray- it's very tame! Spice it up (this is just a rough example):

'...a sharp pain stung her side. Molly looked up, her eyes wide. Ellie was standing beside her, the second mate's hand attached to the knife between the Captain's ribs.
"Ellie?"
"Captain." Ellie's smile darkened. Another knife appeared, and Molly groaned, fresh blood trickling from the new wound below her breast. "I believe it's time for a change of command.'

Molly choked, staggering back to the port (or starboard, wherever!) rail. The strength left her and she tumbled over the side. Cold splashed around her, pulling her into its icy embrace. Bodies and splintered fragments from the ships floated around her, and she latched onto the image, the only thread to save her from the encroaching darkness. She grabbed the nearest float, and, summoning the last of her lingering breath, screamed a line of jagged notes to the wind.'

'They looked to Karis for a response'- why not just show us her response instead? Is she afraid, annoyed, angry?

'was the first to voice what the others were not wanting to'- sounds clumsy. Perhaps just 'Her younger sister Terys was the first to speak up.'

'I want them all there when I get back' - this isn't much an order- it's more a threat. Show us some of Keris' ruthlessness? It's clear her subordinates are loyal to her- but is this through fear?

Overall: a great story with brilliant characters and a fascinating setting. The interplay of the two scenes worked really well, and the twist so early on was excellently done.

But what lets it down for me is that your descriptions aren't strong enough. Really sell the story to me- make me want to be there, raiding ships and stealing treasures! Get some stronger words and images in there, make it really stand out.

I enjoyed it, and I think with some polish it'll be a fantastic read.

I'll come back for chapters 2 and 3.

All the best

Sam241

PS My own story Zodiac Hunters also has pirates and treasures (though not in the same vein as yours)- I'd love it if you could stop over and take a quick peek, see what you think.

Right Jenny, your turn. I hope all of the comments below are of assistance. Please don’t hesitate to bite back should you disagree with anything.

Chapter 1, Wicked Sisters.

1 “The open ocean triumphing”: in a sentence of its own, I think this tense is a little clumsy. Perhaps “triumphed” or “sometimes triumphed” to link with what came before.

2 Perhaps a full stop after “gaped at her, she smiled”?

3 It’s not the galleon that could lay claim to the items of value, but it could offer them.

4 Remove the comma from “What treasures were left, were stuffed”.

5 “Then in a swift movement, kicked the lamp over and ran.” needs a “she” in there.

6 I loved that opening section. Lyrical style but pacey narration. Excellent start, really gripping build-up.

7 “longstanding” should be two words?

8 Don’t like the “yes” between “gold” and “silver” or the “certainly”. I just don’t see what that adds in terms of commentary and it distracts from the swift narrative.

9 “Teriol; built” I think that should be a comma.

10 “nary a shot” careful with the Olde Englyshe. With your swift-paced style, it can jar.

11 woo ... “silly human loving traitor” ... love it! That’s a whole mountain of information and back story delivered in four words. Fabulous!

12 “circle around then” needs a comma before “then”

13 Well, I really enjoyed that opening chapter. No less than two battles to get us going. You promised kick-ass and delivered in spades. Top notch stuff this.

Chapter 2, Going Greek

1 Whoa, sudden change to the real world. Don’t like the real world but I’ll stay in there.

2 “found monsters, and that”: drop the comma.

3 “been broader, with a line”: drop the comma.

4 “‘Wow.’ She heard” should be “’Wow,’ she heard”. Same thing on the next line.

5 Ooooh please, a little more description of the subterranean town. Can be done purely from a military / functional point of view, setting out problem areas, exits, vantage points, etc.

6 “tranq it”: eh? How about “dart it”? May be less of a show stopper in the otherwise flowing story.

7 “irritated look, ‘dig team” should be “irritated look. ‘Dig team”. Same for “his ears only, ‘leaving aside” and the sentence needs a question mark.

8 I like the regenerating minotaurs. Like Doom on Nightmare level. Ah, those were the days.

9 Got to confess, I don’t like the real world poking into fantasy – but that was cooooool.

OK, that’s it for the moment. Thumbs up all around. Really, really fun to read and only a few minor points to pick up on editing. Will come back for more.

Cheers, TRM

Great fun - don't usually read fantasy but find the idea interesting and the characters credible and delineated. Works well for me and would read more of the same Good dialogue and string narrative flow sustains pace. Happy to back...

Ah something different. I loved this its fast pacy hysterical in places and streaches the imagination. I hope it climbs. Gingernut

You have a natural style to your writing. You use words very effectively to paint a wonderful picutre for the reader to ponder on. Powerful writing with great dialogue. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Jenny this is good writing, you have an excellent premise and your dialogue is spot on. Some plots dawdle but yours moves quickly bring the reader along almost out of breath at times. You have a clincher on chapter one that is very cleverly drawn. I read four chapters and am pleased to have backed it.

Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you enjoy it

Jenny -

Taurus - The mysteries dart from scene to scene. But with the narrative being action packed and entertaining I took 'feeling lost' in my stride. The story itself follows a labyrinthic path . The 'hands up' command towards the shadowy figure of a Minotaur had me in fits of laughter. I would have happily read more chapters.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

The salty air is fresh in this one; great atmosphere. Backed.

Jenny
Fantastic read. Loved it. I really enjoy good fantasy fiction and this is it. Hope you finish this and get published because you have the gift. Gotta find out what happens to the ops-team versus the Minos!
Backed

River Stone
The Secret Snow

Nice, fast pace, great opening chapter. Good descriptions as well.
backed
Zero, No Title Needed

An exciting first chapter which really gripped me from start to end. After a quick look at the second I can tell this is going to be a captivating read. Backed.

An exciting first chapter which really gripped me from start to end. After a quick look at the second I can tell this is going to be a captivating read. Backed.

I've just backed this! very good indeed!

love the concept (just my kind of book) Your characters are easy to follow and you get a real sense of personality right from the get go! i do, however, agree with JD. you have a Masterpiece of a book! (and i mean that!) maybe a teeny re-structure of pitch ... perhaps focusing on how your book stands out from the crowd?

the initial hook was fab though!

Royston
(The Book of Simon)

Hi Jenny, a quick svan through Ch 1 - fine stuff. Clear and concise - I can tell you labored over that first para - it's hard to make something simple to read. The only thing I can think to add is more description of the sea, the swell, the season, the salt, the sun etc - just to put me firmly where the FC is. Great stuff - creative too, good luck Rob (When...?)

The mermaid pirates got me. I love this book. It is a wild fantasy. I'll be back to read more since I just love to read about eeeeeeeevil conspiracies. "Of course she can be saved . . . hurry before that frail human shell she wears leaks all its blood away." I hate when that happens. Backed for now.

Hi Jenny, I loved your opening chapter. It's hard, cruel. surprising and totlayy gripping. I was fooled at the opening and loved the Selkin's sneaky tactics using Alaya, the ghost-queen. No quarter given, either -- a mean lot in their way, yet later revealed as the heroes (? I'll have to read more).
I thought Mollie was going to be your main character (and maybe still is). I thought her and Ellie seemed almost buddies. The battle with the The Endurance was terrific. And then Ellie's treachery -- another twist in your fine tale.
Then we hear of Karis. She recognises the scream...her sister, Terys. Wow. I must read more.
Backed fully (if you know what I mean),
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

An intelligent, tense fantasy. You skillfully captured my attention, and then my mind. Relatable characters. Authentic dialogue. Accomplished storytelling. Awesome world building. Artful writing. Backed.

A very impressive opening paragraph: it says a lot and says it well. The rest keeps up the steadily building momentum, until: 'when she'd gone to so much trouble to attract their attention'. Karis is not nice, though she is effective. From one type of pirate to another, Molly, 'Load up the cannons with chain shot' (I'm impressed at the expertise). Pirates are not known for loyalty, thus Molly meets the surf, and screams 'a line of jagged notes into the wind'. Seems Molly is not what she seems, 'that frail human shell she wears'. And who is the Ghost Queen?

Amy, and tunnels and artefacts and Lara Croft wannbes. An ancient city carved with minotaurs, and the smell of the sea. I'm with Talty on this one, especially after 'a faint copper tang, the unmistakeable stench of old blood'. No fair, I was all for being scared and you made me spill my drink, 'She didn't want to know how a half man half bull got hold of a Hawaiian shirt'. Turns out Talty had the right of it, poor bugger. 'A tsunami of dust rolled towards them' - that solved that problem...

True to the tags, this has adventures and kick-ass chicks by the boatload, not to mention fabled beings and fortunes and ghosts... It takes all the usual supernatural, mythic tales, turns them on their ears, welds them together with Picassoesque vision and Hitchcockian humour, then dumps the reader slap-bang in the middle of it all to try and work it out ... and it turns out to be one of the most entertaining and thought-provoking works of this kind that I've read ... backed.

Possible nits: 'Some they loaded ... were loaded [stuffed / packed?] into fine[-]woven nets'. 'to a cave[-]in'. 'starting the thrid pile'. 'seen enough bio-hazard sites to see [know] what happened'. Consider sticking with first or last names rather than switching between the two - it can be confusing especially with a large cast.

This is really good, Jenny, thoroughly enjoying the ride.

I can't seem to get "edit comment" to work - so just wanted to clarify that I meant I don't *normally* like fantasy... but I like this book. ;-)

A rollicking good story with a creative plot line and surprises galore! Ellie's treachery caught me completely off guard. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

I have no idea where this is going, but I'm going too. ;-) It's a rare pleasure to read excellent writing AND a gripping plot AND interesting characters all in the same story. This is very cool, and I don't like fantasy. Backed.

Jenny,
I've never read anything like this! You may make a fantasy fan of me. You start out with an enormous surprise and just keep going. Congratulations. I'll back TAURAUS with pleasure.
Caroline
K C Hart
Summer Rose

Your brilliant synopsis grabbed my attention and reading the chapters you have posted here certainly did not disappoint - this is a kick ass swashbuckling, daring-do read - love the girl power - love the descriptions, the fast pace and your likeable characters - Backed with delight !
Diane
Good Blood

Jenny, this was fun. You don't need any advice from me. Jim

A very original and fascinating work of fiction

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Skillful writing, painting with words, realistic dialogue to suit, and a great story moving at a satisfying pace. Backed with pleasure!

This is the best fantasy I have read on this site for quite a while. It is unusual, in so many respects - that's what makes it stand out from the crowd. It's a shame you haven't posted a few more chapters - I'd have loved to read them. Still, I enjoyed all that's here. I'm sure this will do well, not only on Authonomy, but out in the wider publishing world as well.

Yep I like this. Well written, making you curious right away by the language used, teasing you in, opening up questions in your mind. V. well done. Happy to back this.
Polly
STONES.

I loved the start and you use of language is absolutely superb. Backed with pleasure. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

your style is very very cool
beautiful wording
backed

Hi Jen

Good pitch and I love the whole mythological folk-tale thing you've got going on here, with the 3 sisters, the selkie and the minotaur - a bit more literate than the average. The writing is amazing, good clean prose in the service of narrative drive, the interweaving of the tales of the sisters, the undercurrent of treachery dealt and suffered. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

This is a reader comment, mainly because from the opening paragraph I was so caught up in the story i didn't notice any nits and wouldn't have cared if I did.
I'd buy this in a second, its fantastic. Its exciting, its full of sharp snappy descriptions and dialogue, its a wonderfully orginal twist on an old theme.
Loved it, backing it, want to read more of it.

Jenny,

Wow! What a fantasic opening, then it just keeps coming. This is the best piece of fantasy I've read here for a while: original, well executed and without cliche or info-dump. I've little by way of constructive cricticism: all I can say is that your pitch is not nearly as good as your work. On reading the pitch I expected cookie cutter unoriginal fantasy, nothing like what I got. It would great if your voice could come through in the pitch.

Backed with pleasure.

You have an interesting rhythm to your prose--in the opening paragraphs, it was almost as if this rhythm aided your descriptions of the sea, as though your sentences had the flow of waves. Great beginning of the story, right in the action and with vivid imagery that brings us right in. Wonderful, really enjoyed this.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Descriptions:
A flower of green that burned in the sky…
…a piece of mast with a torn orange sail…
…as for the rest of the world, why it could go maroon itself. You have a talent for painting word pictures that bring immediate imagery to the reader’s mind.

Nitpicks:
Repetition: … of lines being thrown down the sides of the (ship) This new (ship) was a galleon… suggest replacing the 2nd ship with ‘vessel’ perhaps.
Wordiness and passive structure: Tales that Karis (had) no need to know, (had) she the capacity to read them. This sentence is a little clunky and ‘had’ is a passive word, only use when absolutely necessary. Suggest restructuring along the lines of: Tales Karis didn’t need to know, even if she possessed the capacity to read them.
Repetition: It wasn’t until the first reached (his) hand out to her, speaking (his) soft words of encouragement, that she looked up at (him). Suggest something like: It wasn’t until the first reached out to her, speaking soft words of encouragement that she looked up.
A (very) familiar retching sound… don’t think you need the bracketed word, the sentence has more impact without it.
Typo: …and Molly was all set to (the) lead the charge… should this be:…and Molly was all set to lead the charge…?
Typo: Sun burned skin. One word: sunburned.
This opening chapter is wonderful. You use all the senses: sight, sound, smell, to evoke three dimensional imagery. I really hope this does well and wish you the best of luck. Backed.

Hi Jenny, There’s the entrancement of the mermaid world here with the battles of the pirate world. A different view of these underwater beings and why wouldn’t they have conflict with ship-going humans? It’s set down clearly while the action demonstrates the aim and personalities of Karis and her sisters. Fabulous to read! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

You set the tone for your story very well early on in your first chapter - the action sequence is extremely well done plus you throw in a hint of foreshadowing. Your work is character rich, I like the heroines which you have created, and your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

You set the tone for your story very well early on in your first chapter - the action sequence is extremely well done plus you throw in a hint of foreshadowing. Your work is character rich, I like the heroines which you have created, and your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning