Spirit Cove

Hi Mary, I'm sorry I only had time to read your first chapter, but I enjoyed it a lot and thought that I'd certainly have read on, had it been between covers rather than on a screen.
The opening is excellent as we hear Daisy's tearful reminiscences as she arrives at sleepy and often by-passed Spirit Cove near the famous Morro Rock. We read of her sadness at the death of her twin, Danny.
I wondered if the next bits about Danny should appear after the piece about the town's founder (or before). You seemed to jump away from and then return to her thoughts about her brother.
She goes to her cottage and overcomes her initial apprehensions.
The part where she 'speaks' to Danny on the cliffs is very evocative.
Fine description of the old cottage.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I think if I found this at the library I would take it home to read at my leisure. You have a few minor issues with punctuation especially at the end of speech, where you need something before the quote marks, but it hasn't taken away from my enjoyment.

A really good story, well told. It holds the readers attention all the way to the end. Enough spine tingles to keep us gripped and everything worked out satisfactorily to the ending we want. A great hoilday read. I'd buy this at the airport and share it with my wife.
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

Your description of "Spirit Cove" is excellent and the town's name is an excellent use of foreshadowing. You have crafted a most interesting and compelling storyline which I like. You build the character of Daisy very well and you build the suspence slowly enticing the reader to read on. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Mary, This is really my sort of reading. I like the way to describe the cove and the way Daisy and Danny were as children and now the mystery. Definitely a book I linger to read. All the very best with it.
Backed,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

This is a decent story with good characters. My only critique would be that for myself the first chapter was kinda slow. The descriptions you put in where very good but I have to wonder if you couldn't put them somewhere else and perhaps get the first chapter to speed up a little, and hook your reader more.

Mary, your first chapter starts off right. Definitely has potential. Good job.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I loved this first chapter. It is very surreal and compelling. I particularly enjoyed the scene where she thinks she sees a child on the rocks. Very beautiful. I wish you every success with this well-written book.
All the best, Sana
Saffire Drake and the Three Keys
(Backing soon - Just to make sure that this works - let me know if you haven't seen it on your feeds within 24 hours and I will immediately rectify the situation.)

Hi Mary, I'm sorry I only had time to read your first chapter, but I enjoyed it a lot and thought that I'd certainly have read on, had it been between covers rather than on a screen.
The opening is excellent as we hear Daisy's tearful reminiscences as she arrives at sleepy and often by-passed Spirit Cove near the famous Morro Rock. We read of her sadness at the death of her twin, Danny.
I wondered if the next bits about Danny should appear after the piece about the town's founder (or before). You seemed to jump away from and then return to her thoughts about her brother.
She goes to her cottage and overcomes her initial apprehensions.
The part where she 'speaks' to Danny on the cliffs is very evocative.
Fine description of the old cottage.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

I think if I found this at the library I would take it home to read at my leisure. You have a few minor issues with punctuation especially at the end of speech, where you need something before the quote marks, but it hasn't taken away from my enjoyment.

The story unfolds quietly before your eyes, pulling you into the charm that Spirit Cove and Daisy's deep-rooted feelings over Morro Rock. The story seems to built on emotion--one of the most important elements to a story. The premise sounds excellent and this promises to be a fantastic mystery.
Good luck with this! You have my support.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

I like the descriptions. They were beautifully done. I enjoyed reading this. Well written.

Dear Mary,
Very nice cover art. It reminds me of the coast of Maine, even though I know it's supposed to be California. Very mysterious and mystical. I can't read horror books because I get nightmares, so I'll back you on your cover and pitch!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe

Please excuse the following message if I've already sent it to you. Sometimes I get confused! Thanks.

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Daisy comes home, but not to, or with her twin, so the arrival is poignant as well as joyful. Silly, charming, romantic notions about the captain. The house and grounds sound fantastic, and I envy Daisy, though I don't envy her the child in the gazebo. 'She wanted to fall asleep seeing the moonshine on the waves', nice. So is the stray that she seems prepared to adopt. Then the attic and the doll, 'realized her breath was visible'. I went cold myself. Bravo Daisy for daring to speak. Thank heaven's she has the dog to keep her company.

This is an appealing, gentle story that rolls along like the incoming tide, but with sinister undertones; and when they surface, it becomes quite different, a truly chilling ghost story. The dual nature of the novel gives it twice the appeal, reading for pleasure, and for thrills and mystery. There's room for a little more editing (see suggestions below) but the language, and the atmosphere it generates, are special ... very expressive ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: 'twin[']s death'. 'those people that [who] she loves most'. Story: Watch out for run-on sentences - changed slightly here, "There's Morro Rock. We're almost there!" 'Morro Rock would loom out ... Morro Rock would rise'. 'she told herself ... she told herself ... she told herself'. 'front of the house ... north of the house' omit second 'of the house'. 'everyone expected [each of them] to marry'.

Watch out for series of sentences beginning with the same word, e.g. 'She'. Also, when used as in 'her mother and father' they have a small m and f, as opposed to when used as proper names, as in 'Hi, Mother. Hi, Father'.

what a lovely read, I enjoyed what I have read and will give feedback as I progress.
Backed
Simon

Hi Mary ...

A good novel that grips the reader with a strong plot and central character. Dialogue is good in most cases but in others could do with a little tidying. I read dialogue aloud, what looks good on paper does not necessarily sound right. One slightly puzzling fact, does Victorian apply to America as it is named after Queen Victoria?

Also in the paragraph, chapter 1, about the gazebo, you use the phrase: 'she told herself' three times, it would not be so bad if one did not come directly over the other, but would suggest a rethink of this phrase.

A good well written novel. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan.

A really good story, well told. It holds the readers attention all the way to the end. Enough spine tingles to keep us gripped and everything worked out satisfactorily to the ending we want. A great hoilday read. I'd buy this at the airport and share it with my wife.
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

Your description of "Spirit Cove" is excellent and the town's name is an excellent use of foreshadowing. You have crafted a most interesting and compelling storyline which I like. You build the character of Daisy very well and you build the suspence slowly enticing the reader to read on. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This is a kind of book I like to read.
BAcked

You paint the picture of Spirit Cove perfectly, the reader able to visualize every nook and cranny. Daisy with her memories of Danny completed the picture. You are a very talented writer and produced a memorable piece of work. Happy to back.
Keith - Plagarma

Your writing is smooth and full of life. The characters are grounded and realistic, emotional but not overly dramatic. You are a wonderfully vibrant writer with a clear vision as to what you want.

The first chapter is always hard. You want to tell the reader so much. Make them comfortable in your world, the challenge is that you want them to stay. This, to me, is a second chapter.

Your summary speaks of a ghost and a haunted house. A town with a past. I want to feel that as soon as I step into your world. I want the heart pounding, titillation of creepiness. If you capture that, expose it up front and wow me I WANT to continue reading. The first chapter as it is, is close. Your closing is solid but for me it takes too long. I want it sooner. What can i say, I am, impatient!

KEEP WRITING!

Backed with promise of chilling greatness.

AmyR
Trust Me

Mary, This is really my sort of reading. I like the way to describe the cove and the way Daisy and Danny were as children and now the mystery. Definitely a book I linger to read. All the very best with it.
Backed,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

This is a classy tale that builds into a complex read. Ghosts are hard to make creepy these days but you have done it. Good, flowing dialogue and a web of relationships that intrigue and involve the reader.
Slight nit: in your long pitch 'brothers death' needs an apostrophe in brother's. :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

ps do not respond to comments in your own comment box, they will not be seen. Rather, go to that person's home page and leave them a message!

Thank you so much. That means so much to me coming from someone with talent like yours.

A unique work of fiction with polished charcters and diolouge that are engaging. C W

A unique work of fiction with polished charcters and diolouge that are engaging. C W

You have a highly emotionally charged opening which drops Daisy into the readers hearts almost immediately.

Typo: fifth para; first chapter "...if she did not leave him an offering he (r) would come after her..."

You create the setting beautifully; the small, out of the way town, middle of nowhere, unchanged in ? years- all excellent stuff.
Then that same attention to detail for the house. You have painted the opening scenes brilliantly.

The dialogue is grounded and honest which makes it feel real and pushes the relationships at us forcefully so there is no equivocation.

When you begin to open out the mystery of the death the whole things flowers and this is where the book is set into the reader's need to read.

Spirit cove
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Hi Mary, The descriptions that accompany Daisy’s sentiments convey a wonderful atmosphere – and that makes Danny’s absence more poignant. Daisy’s memories are so rooted in their childhood that at first, I wondered when exactly he had died there. That begins to come out in the conversation with Shelley. This has a wistful, grieving tone and the synopsis bodes of answers. I enjoyed reading it. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Mary
I liked the background to this and I think I actually visited the place where the book is set on a holiday to California many years ago. You craft Spirit Cove expertly into an intriguing and mysterious place. It's gripping and compelling although a little more dialogue early on, might speed up the pace a little. Overall, a great read.
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is a classic setting and you describe it in such beautiful detail the reader is there in your world. Intertwined with Daisy moving into her cottage is the story of her childhood and her twin brother, now dead. He was a banker, she a writer, heartbroken at his death.
There's a sense of foreboding when you talk about the steep steps. You mention them twice to consolidate it. Then, with the glimpse of the child in the mist and the giggle, we know we're in for a thrilling read. Backed. Lynn

Love the setting and premise. Ghosts are always good subject matter. Backed!
If a moment strikes, please have a gander at my work of non-fiction:
Crossing The Line
Thanks!
Christopher

I love ghost stories.. backed your book :))

Since I backed Broken Wings, I will back this effort as well.

JC
The Obergemau Key

I don't mind at all you making a suggestion, in fact I deeply appreciate it. I'm so glad you made them. I''m going to work on that right away. I am going to check out your book right now!

Dear Mary,
I started reading your book and found it extremely gripping. I do have a suggestion for your short pitch and that is to propose a question, I did like your writing and I truly believe your short pitch does not do it justice.In the long pitch to repeat yourself right off the bat, just take a few key point from your book, or again propose some question like " will Daisy?????" etc. Mary I would not be writing this jeopardizing my time or possible friendship if I did not truly believe it was worth it. I do hope you dont mind my honesty.
BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you can cross over to my genre and review my book, please comment ( this assists me in honing my skill) and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Letter

Dear Mary,
I started reading your book and found it extremely gripping. I do have a suggestion for your short pitch and that is to propose a question, I did like your writing and I truly believe your short pitch does not do it justice.In the long pitch to repeat yourself right off the bat, just take a few key point from your book, or again propose some question like " will Daisy?????" etc. Mary I would not be writing this jeopardizing my time or possible friendship if I did not truly believe it was worth it. I do hope you dont mind my honesty.
BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you can cross over to my genre and review my book, please comment ( this assists me in honing my skill) and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Letter

SPIRIT COVE
This is a frightening story. Daisy is a good main character; a reader can feel her sadness as she gets closer and closer to Spirit Cove and her childhood memories. Hearing the child giggle at the end of the first chapter sets an ominous tone which then stretches on through the book. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Brilliant. Backed
Helen
The Last Dream

Dear Mary, Well, here I am backing your 2nd book - I love the purple writing - what a treat - great story, too - what caught my eye was twin brother (which I have) & drowned (which happened to my sister). I love when they all live happily ever after. :) You have nice crisp paragraphs (any longer ones, I'd cut in 2 for us with short attention spans who tend to miss the middles) & wonderful dialogue - putting me right there with you in the story. :) Am I to expect a 3rd book? Love, Susie :) p.s. Hope you'll just take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks. :)