The Temple Dancer

Dear Eunice,
You are very welcome. I think everyone wonders about the afterlife and such, so, to discover your book and read the brilliant writing, it was not just inspiring, but thrillind as well. Best of luck with it.
Celia

Dear Eunice,

The ‘Temple Dancer’ was a fascinating read.
In spite of the piece being autobiographical, I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that it read so much like fiction. I really did not know what to expect from the title and cover, although the long pitch gave me some idea.

The opening chapter was a revelation. The writing flowed effortlessly and not one sentence required a second read. What’s even more commendable is that in spite of the conspicuous lack of dialogue, the narrative did not drag for even a moment.
The ‘Temple Dancer’ is a must read for believers and sceptics alike as it gives an astonishing first hand account of one person's experiences with the paranormal.

And it was actually quite scary. The numerology aspect was particularly interesting. I was born on the 16th of October, on a Sunday and thus can’t help wandering what this means for me. I’ve never had visions per se but I’m intuitive and often able to predict certain things with striking accuracy. Being scientifically inclined, I keep telling myself that these are outcomes of informed speculation and experience. But your story has actually gotten me thinking differently.

Well done, my friend. My rating: 6 stars

Best regards,
AGC

Book Cover: Not bad. It doesn’t stand out, but for the genre it’s all about who it is. So if it’s about Obama. We want to see a picture of Obama. The thing that I do like about it is that it’s simple and I could easily guess what genre it is.

Title: Doesn’t stand out but makes you think who in darn hell is this temple dancer?

Pitch: The words: ‘suffered’ and ‘depression’ stood out. Many people like to read about how people suffered from depression, but as long as they escape it. ‘Mental heath’ is a key word but not as strong as depression.

Chapter 1:
First paragraph: Very simple and displays your writing ability which is fantastic. I can tell just by this paragraph you don’t overdo things, your can plant a good image in our heads, and you get right to the point of what your trying to do like with envisioning a hare.

I like how you brought in the destiny number, and have let us in on the game. It made me wonder if I had it. Just maybe. I do believe sometimes what I read in books. So you have the power of God in yours hands right now.

I coudn’t believe you said the time was about ‘seven o’clock’. It was like you were toying with your readers mind with the ‘seven’ people. :) It worked very well though.

Also, I like how you make an autobiography seem like fiction. It reads like a fiction, too. While I’m reading it, I forget that it’s a true story about you, the author.

I’m starting to notice that this is a scary book or should I say you have a scary life. The purpose of the book I love that. And as I continue reading I feel more and more that you need to change your title and book cover. Your story is too good for them. Now you just have to find an equally good cover and title. I just don’t think that they connect well with the story you are giving. And think if you change it you might make your book more appealing. I did that with my book. It’s called HMD but it wasn’t working for the site. So I came up with a name that would spark interest while also relate to the book. My Friends Are Dead People. I feel it works and since I changed it I have noticed a huge change in people interested in reading it. But you changing your cover and title is just a thought I had. You don’t have to if you like it. I’m still keeping my title HMD. I think it’s because it’s been with me for 6 years. However, my new title is starting to grow on me.

When you said our childhood is the best years of our lives, I thought that was so true. It’s a very true statement. That’s because you have no worries when you are a kid and you forget very easy. Period. But you . . . it doesn’t apply.

Finally, I noticed dialogue. ‘I don’t like guns’. I just noticed that there was no dialogue and it hadn’t bothered me that you have been narrating the entire time. That’s a hug compliment on your writing and storytelling. HUGE. I usually notice things like that right away. So twenty stars for you!

Last Paragraph: Not bad. I think you best writing happens after your first paragraph and before the last. Both, however, are good but it’s what’s in the middle that stood out. You might want to consider splitting the chapter in two. This will also create a better flow for the reader. I know it doesn’t make sense but it will. And by splitting it you won’t turn any potential readers away by the length of it. Just so you know I would have given this 51/2 stars if I could. So the 6 stars that I gave you were pretty right on.

Just a thought: Because these kind of reads like a fiction maybe you should advertise it as a fiction. And then at the end you mention that it is a true story and based on your life. Again, just some of my ideas floating around. I’m always thinking of things, and sometimes they’re good and sometimes they really aren’t great at all.

Dear Eunice,
I read a few chapters of The Temple Dancer some time ago, six starred and shelved it on the strength of your story telling ability.
I just read the first four chapters of Thomas Fairchild and unfortunately that's all the time i have for now, but i will return, as i think it's one of the best children's stories here. It's inspirational, full of goodness and great advice for any human, child or adult.
I liked the explanation about dropping the "s", otherwise i would have thought it was a typo. I didn't find anything wrong with your writing, plot. POV, etc. Some sentences seem to brake up and drop to the next line, but that may be the way it was uploaded, not sure; you may want to look it, as it interrupts the read.
My two favourite phrases:
"All the angel children are working hard to bring light upon the Earth, and to heal the souls of the ones lost in darkness."
"Let us first send out a prayer to the Great Father, for he will not interfere in our plans without our inviting Him first."
A lot can be learned from this book, and i wish you much success in publishing it.
Six stars and placed in line for the shelf.
Maria
Angelina

Dear Eunice, I rather liked your story, in an interested sort of way. Where is Waiuku? I have rated your book and put it on my watchlist. Best wishes, Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Hello , a very interesting first chapter about psychic experiences , I've had plenty of them myself over the last twenty years , but only rarerely get a chance to talk about them to other people unless its a cut and dried experience , it can be hard to convince people . I'm sorry that your childhood was so distressed ,but glad that you have managed to find some resolution to the problem . That vision of the hare is very powerful and totally believable. I wonder if you would have the time to look at thre first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , watchlisted and starred. With best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

The Temple Dancer (on Chapter 1-3)

Eunice,

I’m biased in favour of your book as I love everything connected with clairvoyants. I’ve always wondered how you see the world. This is not so enjoyable perhaps when it comes to evil entities. Well, anyway, I anticipate enjoying you book.
Chapter One
“I always felt ‘different’, but never understood why” – this is perhaps the sentence that is appropriate to all clairvoyants - they are different from the rest.
To tell you the truth ‘7’ is my favourite number. I heard it is a sacred one. Lots of things that have seven in them, like 7 days a week.
This is really terrifying – to be alone at home, with someone stomping in the next room when you know you’re all alone.
The part about hypnosis and Elizabeth Rose is shocking.
“On numerous occasions I had seen Jesus” – that intrigued me a great deal! This is a great opening chapter!

In Chapter 2 I got really scared when I was reading the suicide part. The man with the car chasing the girl gave me the creeps.

Chapter 3
Oh, here the temple dancer appears – a great twist! Life of a clairvoyant is really full of dark events, but I like the way clairvoyants help other people in cases of emergency where ordinary people are helpless.
This manuscript is very well written – I really enjoyed reading the first three chapters and will return for more when time permits. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I give you all 6 stars and wish you the best of luck with The Temple Dancer.
Sincerely Yours,
Ivan Amberlake

This opens in a tightly written, conversational manner. Though this is far from my typical read, your voice drew me right into it, and I found myself reading with interest.

The premise is also intriguing. After you described the first incident, I wanted to hear about more. Nice hook! You held my interest throughout each conflict in the opening chapter. While it did jump around a bit, I found each experience fascinating.

The writing in this is polished, and it was a pleasure to be able to read this without having to jot down a bunch of notes. It's also descriptive, and by the end of the first chapter, you've managed to give a clear picture of your life growing up.

I don't like leaving a book without some form of suggestion, so here it goes. This may just be the fiction writer in me, but perhaps you can open this without much of the background information, dropping us right into the scene when you were seven years old. The revelation that you foresaw the hare might have a greater impact. You might also see if you can eliminate some of the repetition of "I," especially when starting a new sentence. It'll be difficult, but maybe you can rewrite a few sentences here and there to avoid overusing it.

Other than that, I was impressed with this. Great work!

My god what a life you've had. I've read the first two chapters and they are a rich foundation for the reader to feel the mountains, seas and skies of your heart. You open much to us, let us in and help us see through eyes most of us will never acquire. I heard the same loud steps when I was nine, which stood the hair on my arms as I was reading. Beautifully written and honest. I can't wait to dig in more. Thank you for writing this.

Hi Eunice,

I really enjoyed the opening chapter here. I personally find Psychic phenomena fascinating. I think it’s the fact the someone experience and understands the unknown, we all just want as much information as we can get.
As for the writing style, I quite like it. I almost feel like I’m sitting beside you having a cup of tea, chatting away as you tell your story. It’s a unique approach that works well in this autobiography. Although the plot isn’t clearly outlined (in this chapter anyway) I don’t think it reflects negatively on the story as a whole. It’s your experience and you tell it in a friendly and very intriguing way. Time allowing I would certainly read more.

Janny

Dear Eunice,
Psychic phenomena has always amazed me. I have purchased everyone of Silvia Brown's books, and i have looked for yours on Amazon but can't find it.
I have no idea if there are any typos in your writing, i was too intent on reading your story to notice any. Totally captivating read, a book i will have in my library at home as soon as HP takes notice and publishes it.
You should be celebrating your uniqueness, you're an amazing woman.
Six stars, although i'd give you a hundred if i could, and a place on my shelf as soos as i can.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

hello Eunice-
'The Temple Dancer-

Reading a pitch about the unknown always pulls me in.
Glad this book of yours did.
From the first page and that little girl floating just above the ground, i was hooked, and glued to the pages.
This biography of your is both interesting and gripping to read, and later, your acceptance of happenings as a gift. It is just one amazing story.
backed with pleasure and gets my six stars
good luck with it.
Tom Bye
'from hugs to kisses'
please oblige and glance at mine and back or comment if you like it
thanks

Wow! I enjoyed chapters 2 and 3... Well done! I'll read on later! xx

Hahaha!! What an awesome story Eunice!! I just read through the first chapter so far, and I can relate to certain bits of it... I used to live in a small town, and I've been accused of being possessed by Satan by seven church leaders (priests, pastors, ministers).... Seriously. Once I had this whole church believe that I was possessed by the spirit of Jezebel and they actually had meetings about this behind my back. It absolutely devestated me at the time, because so many people believed their shit. Anyway, that was all many years ago, when I was deep into writing articles about religion...

I hope you can do me some numerology - or anything!!!

About your writing now!! ... hmm... It's a great story. However, I think that the way it's written at the moment - although it's very readable, and you write well, it doesn't really have a clear plot at this stage, and also, you skip around times/places (from childhood to adult-hood, etc.) Even though it's non-fiction, I think the actual organization of the story could be improved. I'm only saying this because I really did like the story, and I will read on, cause I want to know more, but I'm open-minded to these things, and personally interested in this sort of thing. I think for people who arent, and who are skeptical, it may not hold their interest, because nothing really major happens in the first chapter. You don't solve a crime with your skills, or see anything more scary than a floating girl. The stuff about the past life regression is fantastic, but I think this could be expanded and on a chapter of it's own. I know it's huge task though to do these things.. But I still think the work needs another level of edit... Sorry!! But I hope these comments help... cause personally, I think the stuff you're writing about is very interesting!!!

Anyway, I'll let you know further thoughts soon...
And I'll rate you highly for now!! Thanks for sharing!!
Monicque. x

Dear Eunice
I live not far from where you were born. I enjoyed the account of your discovery of clairvoyance. It sets me into fear at the begging seeing all the spirits. You have a natural gift and masive responsibility with it. I admire you. One day I would love to try regression myself. You tell your story interestingly immediately drawing your reader into your life and gradually exposing your childhood.

Best of luck
Daniela ( Water Goblin)

Dear Eunice
I live not far from where you were born. I enjoyed the account of your discovery of clairvoyance. It sets me into fear at the begging seeing all the spirits. You have a natural gift and masive responsibility with it. I admire you. One day I would love to try regression myself. You tell your story interestingly immediately drawing your reader into your life and gradually exposing your childhood.

Best of luck
Daniela ( Water Goblin)

Dear Eunice
I live not far from where you were born. I enjoyed the account of your discovery of clairvoyance. It sets me into fear at the begging seeing all the spirits. You have a natural gift and masive responsibility with with. I admire you. One day I would love to try regression myself. You tell your story interestingly immediately drawing your reader into your life and gradually exposing your childhood.

Best of luck
Daniela ( Water Goblin)

Dear Eunice,

"I became more deeply involved with mysticism as years went by, with a strong desire to know God and the progress of the soul," - your life is daunting but has lot for many who don’t know God. I but become born-again Christian on 13 March 2006, not because I believed in God or believed for certain that God existed, but because I was going through, so far, the most stressful situation in my life. Since then, I have grown spiritually but mine has been to trying to find God or at least searching for God. One time I posed to my church leader in discipleship classes, I facilitate. Annoyed with my unbelief question, my church leader warned say, “If you want to know God, you will go mad; and if you don’t submit to God you will loose you soul”.

I guess you backed “Destined to Triumph” because of strength in spirituality. I am going to read the whole of you a book. It looks it can build my spirituality.

Your gift are unorthodoxed in certain ways but that is precisely why I was drawn to your story. I am a Pastor and have a hope that Christiandom become much more open to the possibility that God is doing work in many arenas of spirituality. I love it, backed.
Tom Hafer
Wellplanet
Well Village

I would definitely buy this book. I've read the first chapter, and put it on my watch list to finish later when I have more time. I really connected with you and your feelings of being so alone as a child.

Nicely written. I'm glad to have found your book.

Kim
(if you have the time, I'd love to hear your thoughts on mine as well)

Fascinating ! I would buy this book....I love the subject of the 'unknown' and its so hard to find a decent take on it
I think your book is facinating!

Farah

Hi Eunice,

I finally managed to make time to come and look at your book. Sorry it took a few days. :(

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

Chapter 1: Eerie premonition about the hare. I bet you were really freaked out when you actually saw it! No wonder you were wary of telling your friends. They likely wouldn't have believed you and might have ridiculed you. Children can b v cruel. :(

I've 1 tiny suggestion. I don't think you need to explain quite so much. eg in "large truck" the reader can infer the truck is large as trucks are large vehicles. eg2 When you're describing the occurence with your dog and finish with "she was in a state of panic." the reader already knows the dog is panicked from the preceding description. As such, I think that last sentence can be cut. I think it's usually a mistake to spoonfeed readers too much as they can switch off. It's better to just present the reader with the evidence and let them draw their own conclusions. that way, whey can become more involved in the story.

Reading on... Wow the floating girl must have been a shock. No wonder your dog was acting so oddly. Seems like you grew up with such psychic phenomena. I can't even imagine what that's like. I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or envy you. On the one hand, I'm sure it could be terrifying, on the other, maybe it was exciting in a way too.

Another tiny suggestion. I'd generally avoid forms of began/started as verbs don't really start. They just tend to happen. eg I think "I felt the hairs on the back of my neck start to rise..." wold read better as "The hairs on the back of my neck rose..."

Reading on... Sound like those footsteps terrified you. no wonder you fled.

It must have been difficult growing up knowing what was going on, but being told all this was just due to your imagination.

The hospital really does sound like it was unbearable for you. I never like being in hospital, and I don't have to deal with the added problems of what you see. I can't imagine how scary that must have been as a child.

It sounds like your time with the grandmother really isolated you and exacerbated your loneliness. No wonder that feeling was hard to shake off as you grew older.

Wow New Zealand must have been a huge change in your life. I can imagine that may have added an extra sense of dislocation, beautiful though the country is. It seems like you loved the old house in Ngongataha, though. I'm glad you were happier there. I feared such a move might have made things more difficult for you.

I thought the incident with the gun was funny. I think it's a much needed moment of lightness in your story at this point, though I bet your mother was furious. ;)

Shocking moment when Diane chokes. That could have ended so much worse. I can see why the event disturbed you so much, especially if you'd never seen vomit before.

Hmmm v strange dream with the bombers. Dreams from another lifetime. Scary. The regression scene's v vivid. I can really picture it.

I guess I should have seen the conflict coming with people who didn't understand your experiences didn't diminish your faith :(. I'm surprised that seemed to amuse you at times. I think such a thing would have made me angry. that said, humour is definitely a better reaction .;)

V sensible hanging up at the end of the chapter. It's impossible to win an argument with somebody who just won't listen. :(

OK I've just looked back and realised I've gone on for far too long. Sorry about that. I'll stop commenting in depth now as I don't want to annoy you. :(

I think there's a lot to like in your book. It's an interesting story in an area the majority of us are v ignorant. I think you've managed to tell your often sad story without being self-pitying. No easy feat. I can see people being interested in your experiences.

I've rated your book highly, and will slip it onto my shelf as soon as I've posted this comment. :)

Good luck finding an agent/publisher,

Pete

You got my attention from the start and kept it, way to go! Definately a great read for biography enthusiasts.
Leslie Gervais
"Love Has No Borders"

Hi Eunice

Here are my comments on The Temple Dancer.

General comments : -
1. 5 stars and backed.
2. I could not stop reading it – the hook goes on and on!
3. An intense, very interesting personal story with believable detail.
4. It flows and flows and flows – with excellent English, spelling and grammar – one of the best I have read in Authonomy.
5. I like you’re your ability as a wordsmith.
6. You are a true survivor, and very brave woman.
7. In a few places, you tend to use the word “I” too much. It introduces passive text – “I did this, I did that.” It’s difficult to reduce when in the first person POV, but should be done, as now I have noticed it, it’s distracting me a little from the good story. Here’s an example of what to do – “I felt much safer there, and nothing spooky…” suggest changing to “Feeling much safer there, nothing spooky…” Usually, a restructuring of the sentence does the trick, and it makes the text active. (A good example of a first person POV novel is Sphinx by T S Learner.)
8. Suggest you physically describe the main characters initially, then feed in more description of them as the story progresses.
9. There is not enough description of the surroundings. Suggest adding a bit here and there.
10. I find the jumping from one timeframe to another, fairly quickly, and on several occasions, a bit confusing. Is this what you want? Or do you need to think about the structure of the story a bit – what is the title of each chapter? – what message are you trying to convey in each chapter? Here’s my suggestion: – Make the first chapter cover a reasonably wide timeframe, which will give a flavour of the complete story – you already partially do this. Then make each of the succeeding chapters cover a specific timeframe. Of course, you can still have short flashbacks in each chapter to give them more life.
11. In Chapters 1 and 2, there seems to be a big gap between the ages of 7 and 27 where no psychic events happen to you. Put them in if there were, or maybe explain the gap.

Some detailed critical comments : -
Ch 1
1. At “We emigrated to New Zealand…” you could make this the start of a new Chapter, as you have now gone back in time.
2. Towards the end of the chapter there is a third timeframe introduced. Is this what you want?
Ch 2
3. After “Unfortunately, the dope won.” Is it still your first husband? Need to make this clear.
4. You then have your husband (which one?) dying at age 49, then you are back at age 27 and he is alive. This is a bit confusing.
5. Delete the first quite from “…to the psychic world, seemed quite to be quite unique.”
6. I really like the bit where you realise you are psychic, and start to control it. Suggest making it a bit longer.
7. There are three timeframes in this chapter as well. Is this what you want?

Hope this helps.
If you have a few minutes, I would really appreciate some comments on Gold Demon. Best regards
George

Eunice,
Your biographical work "The Temple Dancer" fascinated me because of the great insights it contained. Your reflections on your relationship with family and friends struck a familiar chord, making me realize that behind the trappings of culture or social status huiman frailty and weakness are the same everywhere. Thank you for your eye-opening book.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Dear Eunice,

I have always believed that seances make me uncomfortable. Yet, I have Angels in my life who guide me with much wisdom and love, and they turned out to be the difference that makes a difference in my life. They are good, yet I am sure some anti-semites would call me possesed and try to slander them. I enjoy getting to know you and your life. It sounds as if you are making it more and more interesting all the time. That is the best thing to do: to know how to live a good life. Thank you for your kind words also.

Have a nice evening,

Billy McBride

I love reading about mediums. I saw a well-known medium named George Anderson a few years ago, and the experience was life-changing. Very excited to read this...


Rachel

Eunice -

The Temple Dancer - You give a poignant impression of the isolation which sensitive children all over the world must feel if their experiences are belittled and devalued. From my experiences as a counsellor, psychic abilities are much more common than generally acknowledged. And there is no guidance on how to manage psychic boundaries. Your writing is engaging. I refreshed an earlier comment and am catching up with rating your book. Best Success, Pia

I really enjoyed the clear, fluid style of your writing, and it's always nice to see something set so close to Australia. :-) My only criticism over the first few chapters is that's it quite passive - backward focused, rather than forward.

Cheers
Chris

THE TEMPLE DANCER
Eunice Attwood
A very interesting and compelling read that is written very well. This subject matter may frighten people off because of their ignorance but I highly recommend that as many people as possible take a look and enjoy this as much as I have.
Good luck Eunice,
Regards,
Bruce
Lockerbie's Deception

I have read your first chapter and found it very entertaining. I loved how you introduced the dog with the advert of his paw. The ghostly apparition drew me in and made me think this is the type of stories that I enjoy reading. I love the supernatural. I find numerology very interesting. And a form of second sight is always alluring. I loved the imagery of ‘spook meter’. It reminds me a little of a Scooby-doo type dog.
I have no complains about your book, but the following were things that struck me as either odd, out of place, or somewhat whimsical. And as a reader, I just thought that I would remark to help you see it the way that at least one reader saw it.

I am assuming this to be a true story from your synopsis, but your father working as Baker at night seemed a little odd for some reason to me. I would have expected a Baker to work early in the morning not late at night, but maybe my imagery of a Baker is someone working at a little family owned Bakery Shop that opens early in the morning so their customers can get warm bread. But I know that we have a Wonder Bread Bakery in Memphis that you can smell the Bread for miles even late into the evenings. Not necessarily sure if a night-time Baker needs clarification to why he’s working at night, but a hint to the odd working hours of a night-time Baker might be a bit of clarification to a wondering reader.

I didn’t quite understand what you meant by a 7 day born child at first. I know you explained a few sentence later and I didn’t have to rake my brain much, but I thought that it might be a smoother read if you had talked about numerology and what a 7 day born child was before you introduced that the character, yourself, as a 7 day born child. A brief synopsis for people not familiar with Numerology would also help.

You could have said something along the lines of :

In Numerology, numbers are reduced to single digits. The total numerical value of someone’s birthday that fell on the 25th would be 2 and 5. When added together they would be 7, and therefore the child would be considered a 7 day born child.

I did find the dog’s name of Whisky somewhat whimsical. I don’t know your entire story and wasn’t sure if that was the impression that you really intended on convey in the name or if it was just actually your dog’s name. I had a dog growing up that we named Snoopy. I find our naming conventions as children somewhat whimsical also. If I was telling a story about my youth would I use the actually name of my dog or change it. I’d probably use my dog’s actual name, Snoopy, even if it is somewhat whimsical, just food for thought.

Overall, I really enjoyed what I read and will be finding some time to put it on my bookshelf in the near future. Good look with your book.

THE TEMPLE DANCER
This is a fascinating and compelling read, and written with great insight. I've only managed the first few chapters as I'm swamped with reads at the moment but will definitely be coming back for more. Your childhood experiences and the worries that accompany them are so sad.
I wouldn't change anything - after all it is the truth.
A well written and eye-opening memoir. Well done
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

I can see this striking a resonance within readers who have an affinity with precognition and its relation to trauma - probably the price one pays for any gift - all the best wishes with the circulation of your story. s-m

Eunice, from what I've read thus far I can not imagine the grief you have endured. To see an image or event before it actually occurs. The girl floating in the room gave me chills. Interesting read. Stars... CR

Have just read your own comment, and having read the first part of this book you mustn't change a thing as far as I'm concerned. I think this reads very well indeed, and after all how can you change the truth?

I am really into psychic phenomena, though sadly i am not gifted myself.

Just a note for those suggesting that changes be made. The Temple Dancer has been in print for three years, after being self published. Several hundred copies have already been sold so I am unable to re-edit. I still appreciate your comments, and will make the changes if it becomes an e-book.
Cheers, Eunice.

This is a very well-written and eye-opening memoir. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. I plan on finishing it, and if you got it published I would want to read it for sure. I can relate to your vivid descriptions, and I feel like there are so many pieces of your story that I connect to on deep levels. I remember when the walls used to sway when I was younger, my mom struggled with depression as I talked about in my own memoir. I will back your book.

I just finished chapter 13. What a great story!

I had scary experiences as a child, too. I still get spooked a little sometimes, but no terror any more. You're the first person I've heard who also hears the static sound. I'm very much looking forward to reading your story. I've just begun to read it.

I read your first chapter.

General comments: A fascinating start to a true account of one woman's spiritual development. Well detailed. Sometimes touching. Sometimes thought-provoking.

Specific comments on chapter 1:
1) You use the worde 'large' in the first and third sentence of your opening paragraph. You also use 'large' in your second paragraph.
2) "Stop it girl!" I scolded. Comma after 'it.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
3) 'Almost made my blood run cold,' 'felt my blood curdle,' and 'fought with every fiber of my being' are cliches. There are more cliches in your first chapter.
4) ' ... exhausted from his nights work.' Nights (plural) should be night's (possessive).
5) I like the story of the rifle and the bus driver. Good descriptions. Good pacing.
6) 'One evening we were invited to Diane's birthday tea, it was her fifth birthday.' Comma after 'evening.'
7) ' ... he was the greatest psychic that probably ever lived.' 'That' should be 'who.'

I hope this critique helps you polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest. Thank you for your past backing of "Savannah Passion." Should "Savannah Passion" make it into the top five next month, I hope you return it to your shelf and keep it there until it makes the editor's desk.

Have a fabulous day.

Dear Eunice:
All I can say is WOW. I read almost all of your chapter one and am so fascinated by your TRUE story. Girl, how did you live through this? I want to wrap my arms around you (when you were seven) and hold you and ask you to tell me what you saw. I want to validate your feelings and give you sympathy for your real inner turmoil. When my little brother would wake up in the middle of the night screaming because he thought there were bugs in his bed my mother would say, "Where?" He's point and she'd slap her hands all over the bed pretending to kill them. No one else ever saw the bugs, but it didn't matter. My mom knew that they were real to my brother, so she validated his feelings.

I get the impression that a part of you wants to justify your parent's lack of empathy and availability. I understand, but it doesn't help me feel bad for you--and all the other children--who don't get the love and attention children need to feel attached, important, loved and know that they matter.

I look forward to reading more of your book. I'm not sure if you want structure advice or editing info, but your story is a true story and must be told. I can't wait to read more. There's just not enough time in the day!

Thanks for backing WILLOW. I think you could relate to her--even though she is fiction. She's different and doesn't understand why or why others treat her the way they do.

Here's a hug...a big one! OOOOOO -- well...a few hugs.
Michelle

Eunice, this is a very brave and fascinating book. It must have helped you a lot to come to terms with your life to write this all down. I know the feeling! I wish you all the luck with publication and helping other young sensitive, psychic children to understand where they come from. Starred and soon on my shelf. Hannah

I liked it when I initially read it, and I like it still!

Backed with pleasure and five stars!
Justis Call
Prestidigitations

Eunice - The Temple Dancer is everything that has been said by other writers and I applaud you and your writing. Backed with great enthusiasm and will look at your other books. Very best wishes Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

Fascintating. This is a subject I have always been interested in, and your biographical style is fast paced and easy to follow. I'm quite certain there is a market for this, as I'm probably not the only one who wonders at such things. Well done!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

A great premise, but a lot of narrative in the first chapter. Lovers of the genre will enjoy this I'm sure, but it would benefit from more dramatisation and pace. Backed.

A dear psychic friend of mine passed over a few years back, & reading your story reminded me so much of him. The constant trawl through adversity as you journey through life realising your unique gift runs uncannily parallel.
I won't comment on the subject matter, having read countless books on spiritualism, save to say all you write about confirms what I've learned.
The writing is flowing & you pr'ecis well, which means the story doesn't get bogged down. However I think you should make some kind of link when you revert to flashback, to allow the reader to keep up.

The Lobsang Rampa references brought back memories. Reading his work a few years back helped me immensly through a difficult personal period.

Derryl Flynn (Scrapyard Blues)

Absolutely fascinating. I know very little about the spiritual world but you definitely gave me an insight. I will try to read more of this. Good luck with this, Ceeds

This was very interesting for me to read. It is not realyl my genre and not something that i would buy to read but thank you for letting me read your work.
I think the first few lines are well crafted and drew me in. I hesitate to say more than thsi beacuse I do not know anything about the markiet you are writing for and what an agent interested in ths genre would be looking for.
is the first opening chapter a little too long?
Could you shorten it with just your dramatci opening and leave is open-mouthed begging for more?
S.

A fascinating and interesting true-life story. It is very informative which I found useful as this type of thing is not something I know much about.

Best of luck with it

Backed
Clare
A Policeman's Lot.