The Death of History

Laurence, I read up to Chapter Two. The Prologue is in the omniscient point of view, which is okay and the first chapter seems to be in one person's POV, which is also okay. But in the second chapter you do some crisscrossing of POVs which might put off some readers. Now that's just my humble opinion, though. Good writing overall.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Hi. After six days on this site I am (unbelievably) still running to catch up with the people who have been kind enough to back me. Every time I log on I have thirty people to thank and review in return before I even get a chance to read some that I have picked myself from the book list. So, and I do not mean to be unhelpful, I am BACKING this on the read because I think it is every bit good enough to be in print (I think that is the criteria I should be using) but, although I have made written comments, I have no time to type up my thoughts. If you want them just message me and I promise to get to them ASAP. Otherwise, BACKED.

The use of dialogue would greatly enhance your story. You have set it up for a great mystery though. Backed!
Hope you will take the time to look at our book Dark Side, a paranormal thriller.

CC Brown

Dear Laurence
I started reading this book a little while ago and have just finished ( though you have not) This is a very well crafted book, original and one can tell there has been a lot of good research done for it. This is not my genre but am I pleased I crossed over This site for me is not just about the books I love but about backing books written with talent, boy I found that and more.CONGRATS on this.
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
I do hope you will review my book, comment and most of all BACK it. but either way the BEST of luck with yours
Denise
The Letter

You are totally fantastic, laurence! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear laurence, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

You have crafted a most interesting storyline which is a compelling read, You build the character of Julia extremely well and your descriptive writing makes your thriller a pleasure to read.

When you re-edit do check your grammar and missed words, as an example, in paragraph two of your Prologue the third sentence starting with "One of the men...." needs correction. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

An interesting premise. A bit of tidying up in some of the spelling might come in handy but that is a minor quibble , when set against the overall concept.

Philip John ( Dead Reckoning/The Ambassador's Last Post)

An interesting premise. A bit of tidying up in some of the spelling might come in handy but that is a minor quibble , when set against the overall concept.

Philip John ( Dead Reckoning/The Ambassador's Last Post)

This is a good start. You are flying at 50,000 feet, which is great for an overview. Now, you must climb down to ground level. I like conversations, detailed descriptions of what the MC is seeing, doing. Drop all that background info dump and get into the story itself. Best wishes for a promising premise, and I'll gladly back this for you. Dave

Hi Laurence, This narrator voice tells in a panoramic way. The crime is odd and fascinating, almost as if in repetition of history. The writing exudes atmosphere while telling about Julia and her thrill in following this crime. You’ve made this setting credible and since it’s near such hotspots with the reference to Persia, it looks like a page-turner. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Laurence,

you have written a gripping fast paced thriller and in Julia Angetti you have a formidable character. I like the historical link; made better by your impeccable research, it is a fantastic concept. It's good to see there is someone else who is not afraid to kill in a gorey way. Backed.

Phil
Danny Murphy

Liked the story and deaths with a difference! Backed. Good Luck with it. If you have a spare minute please check out 'the compulsive traveller' Mike Thonger

Sounds intriguing. Placed The Death of History on our watchlist.
CC Brown

Hi Laurence. I think your plot is really clever and well pitched. The murders are well described and I liked the additions that followed them. Julia comes across as a strong character. Great film material or a series. Backed and best of luck! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

Backed with pleasure for talented writing and a gifted imagination.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Laurence,

Your pitch is great, grabs you straight away, good mystery, good premise. From what I have read this has the hallmarks of a really good thriller. Best of luck.

JB Adams The Maxim Man.

HI LAURENCE,THE DEATH OF HISTORY#
great premise in the book of what we are going to read about
got hooked and started right away
the last pagagraph in the pitch left me in suspense, well done
this a very fast paced thriller, it grips from chapter and moves along very well
a great page turner
backed
please glance at mine and back, thanks
TOM BYE ;'FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

HI LAURENCE,THE DEATH OF HISTORY#
great premise in the book of what we are going to read about
got hooked and started right away
the last pagagraph in the pitch left me in suspense, well done
this a very fast paced thriller, it grips from chapter and moves along very well
a great page turner
backed
please glance at mine and back, thanks
TOM BYE ;'FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

I think you should make two sentences out of the first one in your pitch. "across the globe. That would be..."
The way you have it is a bit of a run on sentence.

In the second paragraph you have a number of typos: "performed my" should be "by"; "manical" is spelled wrong; "phrophecy" is spelled wrong.

The last sentence in the pitch is also a run on sentence. "can she stop the plot" should be a separate sentence with a question mark at the end.

These errors get in the way of appreciating your writing. Laurence. We all certainly want your writing to shine through!

BACKED

Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

Good start with hooks for the reader. A stolen politiician! Plenty of mystery around that.
Backed
Lara
Good for Him

This is setting up to be a heck of a ride, full of mystery and action. If anything I think you just need to tighten it up. Break up the longer sentences, Go through and read it out loud to yourself, that's what helps me (I did the same thing!). I think once you do that the writing will be that much stronger. It's not bad as it is and it's just a suggestion. The characters are great and it's a fascinating premise! I've enjoyed it.

Missy

Extremely fascinating. Indeed you conjure up much intrigue and suspense.

Very well done

backed before this comment
THE THIRD EYE

Great mystery, and a solid premise. Promises to be a who-done-it everyone will want to read. Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Me personally I’d have kept Julia on holiday!
Seriously, I think you have a great plot here, well-structured and very well thought out. Like the gruesome start, I think it set the tone and the book up brilliantly. You back fill and start fleshing Julia out in 1 very well. You have a great story developing here. – Hope it does well. – Good luck!

very promising work, i enjoyed it, backed

alison
--who wants to diet anyway?
--legal lies

Good ideas, good premise, and interesting pitch.

However, this is very much a first draft, and the paragraphs seem overly long. There are also times when the sentences run on, and I (as a reader) had to backtrack for a moment to pick up on the change within the flow.

On the UP side - you have confidence and strength in your writing and in many respects you know exactly what it is you want to say, and how the scenes should be played out to the reader. The problem is that you are possibly too close to the work at the moment, so things like 'my' instead of 'by' (in the pitch) creep in and tend to distract rather than keep the readers' attention.

As a tip for reviewing - don't feel you have to describe everything in tiny detail - let the reader work with you rather than you providing every little grain of sand. Have a look at people like Elmore Leonard, or back to Raymond Chandler and John D. MacDonald to see how they took material and stripped it down to a framework. They are maybe too staccato for what you're writing here, but at least it will give you an idea of how far you can go.

The other thing would be to change the by-line. Lethal-I (nice wordplay) is not really going to do you any favours when it comes to presenting a finished article to a publisher or an agent. The other comment is, if you're not proud of your work to put your own name on it, then you may have doubts yourself. As I say, nice wordplay, but...

Read and enjoyed, and backed accordingly.

The death of Hystory
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Wonderful premise grabbed me immediately. Good pace to the writing--a real action thriller. Needs a little proofing, but this is a book I might buy. Reminds me a bit of some of the old Avengers episodes. backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

The sentance about why the man was there is far too long, especially in an opening paragraph.

The following sentances are also stupidly long. This makes me want to gasp for air, and I only have small lungs as it is.

People won't tell you this because they want you to return a backing.

I didn't read pas the first paragraph because the long sentances mean there is no real flow to the work.

Fix it and ask me to come back.

If you can take a non sugar coated review.

Emma

The Death of History

lethal-l

You tagged this as "fantasy" but the pitches made me think it was more of a thriller than anything else. Of course I am no expert. I like the historical bases - which makes it quite exciting and stimulating. You've obviolsly done quite a bit of research here. In your short pitch "deaths are modelled on historical figures" I thought this was a bit odd - you mean the deaths were copy-cat ones based on how some historical figures met their own? The language there could be improved - but I am no expert and just giving an opinion. This is a great idea for a story by the way. Only had time to read chapter one but so far so good and enjoyed reading. Spotted a few typos but a slight edit shoudl cure this (eg, second to last line of first chapter, "morning" you mean "mourning" - "u" missing. Coming back to read more when I can find the time to spare as this is not only exciting, also very educational and I am sure many different settings and characters to come to make this wonderfully compelling. Happy to have given it a spin on my shelf and best of luck in finding a publisher.

The Death of History

lethal-l

You tagged this as "fantasy" but the pitches made me think it was more of a thriller than anything else. Of course I am no expert. I like the historical bases - which makes it quite exciting and stimulating. You've obviolsly done quite a bit of research here. In your short pitch "deaths are modelled on historical figures" I thought this was a bit odd - you mean the deaths were copy-cat ones based on how some historical figures met their own? The language there could be improved - but I am no expert and just giving an opinion. This is a great idea for a story by the way. Only had time to read chapter one but so far so good and enjoyed reading. Spotted a few typos but a slight edit shoudl cure this (eg, second to last line of first chapter, "morning" you mean "mourning" - "u" missing. Coming back to read more when I can find the time to spare as this is not only exciting, also very educational and I am sure many different settings and characters to come to make this wonderfully compelling. Happy to have given it a spin on my shelf and best of luck in finding a publisher.

Well, this is unusual and very striking. You say yourself that you welcome comments on your spelling, grammar and punctuation and I'll be back with plenty later this weekend, but meanwhile I'm BACKING you, as the premise is intriguing and I like the Greek setting.

This is an intriguing story which promises to do well when it's complete. I would suggest a tight edit to clear up some of the grammatical glitches. Your sentences should either be shortened or given some punctuation to make the reading easier. It helps if you use commas to delineate the clauses. One or two spellings need sorting 'new/knew'. I think this book is worth your spending some time on the edit and am going to back it on the strength of this submission.
Ronbert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

This is an unnerving story but one that draws the read into it, whether willingly or no. I found that although I did not really enjoy the read I couldn't stop reading it. Must be good. I will not try to correct any errors, as if you look at my bio, you will see that I was born dyslexic - 'nough said. I react to the flow and pace of a story, or sometimes the characters, if it is character driven. Your story is an unusual concept and it is told well. Best of luck with it, you should be thinking of publishing; it's good enough or will be - after a few re-writes and edits.
Best regards
Rosemary (Ziggy Chalan)
RIDING HIGH

That death by arrows was utterly horrible and came out of the blue. Your matter-of-fact narrative did nothing to prepare us which is good - the reader should experience as many sensations as possible.
I think your sentences could be improved by shortening them and there are several typos; '..liked by A large amount of the population'; 'asleep', all one word.
Excellent, though, and highly original. Backed. Lynn

The Death of History.

The ingredients of international conspiracy, murder, intrigue, prophecy, secrecy, ritual and a lone detective struggling to liberate the truth are winners. Drawing on classical Greece is fresh and original. The story line excites the imagination.

The youthful prose harnesses words to its purpose, but they remain a mite feisty. Shorter paragraphs, less reliance on narrative and more dialogue would put provide characters with more body.

An excellent first draft waiting to bloom.

Possible nits to sort out during the second draft: is Fazal Khan an Iraqi name?Chapter 2 starts with an incomplete sentence.Grammar – some missing articles. Examples of overlooked writing: “Drive Thermopylae … make him unable of movement … more than worth a look … stone wall was all around her … reached the head of the inspector … a circle were enclosing him …”

This means that the writing comes pouring out and the fingers can’t keep up with the record-keeping — the strength of spirit and weakness of the flesh are coordinated through the process of rewriting.

The talent and motivation are impressive.

Backed for the premise, courage and talent.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Dea Lethal 1
very interesting name for an author. Loved your pitches and it was the two of them that totally drew me out of my genre to your book. This is a well crafted original book, with characters that have been painted with words and are so animated they seems real at times. This is not my genre but I crossed over to find talent and I sure found it and some. CONGRATS.
BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you can cross over to my genre and review my book, please comment ( this assists me in honing my skill) and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Letter

DEATH OF HISTORY
This is a unique murder mystery. There are a number of books her about a serial killer posing victims as art; this one goes a step further when victims are posed as historical figures. On top of that you have a good detective to explore all this. Makes the book a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Good luck. This is a link to a thread on the forum explaining how the site works: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=57319

Charles

ok, first off you are narrating way too much. while this is not a rule that is written in stone, it is a good rul thumb. your prose style is not carrying the day with this much narration. you are describing events to the reader, as if only you can see what is happening and must must then relate that information to the reader. instead, describe what is happening in a way that makes the reader feel they are watching as events occur. you are descripbing events to the reader. all and all, a nice read. yu have an interesting premise, though i am interested in knowing how you intend to tie it all together. work on your pitch as it is imporant for drawing in readers. spend less time going over the premise to the plot, and descib the plot itself in brief. i'm top back this and wish you. goodluck with it. please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think.


cheers
blueboy

Lots of potential here but wouldn't the kidnappers have been more professional if they had driven away from the hotel discreetly instead of 'squealing away' with the victim inside.
Also, there was an episode of 'Wire in the blood' where people were being killed in the manner of saints and Saint Sebastian's death was recreated when the victim was pierced by arrows.
None of these points are mentioned in spite, it is just that people are very quick to find fault.
At eighteen, you are well on the road, don't let anything put you off. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Dear lethal I, I love your plot of historical figures, similar to nowadays politicians being killed & your diligent detective lady trying to stop the killer before the next one are killed - what an intriguing concept - it works beautifully. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)