Book Jacket

 

rank 59
word count 12550
date submitted 09.07.2010
date updated 08.05.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Historical Ficti...
classification: moderate
incomplete

To Kill a Dead Man

Dan D. Andreescu

A story about Saddam's Iraq, the doubles who died in his place, the Mukhabarat, the CIA and a Russian oil tsar with a special agenda.

 

When a head of state threatens to unleash weapons of mass destruction the White House orders executive action and the CIA sends in their prize assassins.

The American Clint Vaughan and the British Mike Shannon were the best that the Phoenix program ever produced. For years each acted as his country’s first line of defense—eliminating enemies, both foreign and domestic. But as the Cold War faded from the headlines, the two retired into anonymity.

Men who live or die by their own rules, they are not only perfectly suited for the job but also expendable. Their assignment: to penetrate Iraq’s Mukhabarat and terminate with extreme prejudice the rogue dictator. As if that isn't enough, they must also discover who supplied the weaponry.

When the laboriously masterminded plan falls apart, the two are left to their own devices. With the bravado of the abandoned they determine to execute the mission. However, they don’t expect to be sold out by the very people who employ them.

Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated and returned in kind.

 
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To Kill a Dead Man

 

 

 

 

Part One

The Remembrance

“Fear those who are afraid of you.” Arab proverb

 

 

Executive Action

Summer 1978

 

Hot summers are not that common in Westphalia, but this July was the exception. The passenger, in the back seat of the yellow Mercedes, was suffering in silence—wiping his sweaty forehead and praying he’ll get to his destination soon.

The taxi crossed the Rhine, entered the West German capital and headed south on Konstantin Strasse. At Deichmanns the passenger tapped the driver’s arm. “Halten Sie hier, bitte.” He paid the fare and got out. Of medium build, this man in his late forties, in a tailored grayish three piece suit, glanced at the imposing building with the Stars and Stripes fluttering in the breeze. He sighed noisily and marched to the Marine sentry to present his diplomatic passport.

     

At ten in the morning the phone started ringing in the office of the director of the CIA. The U.S. Embassy in Bonn advised that a general, the head of Romania’s Securitate and a close confidant of Ceausescu, has walked in demanding political asylum.  

            The director immediately called the White House and the State Department. When President Carter granted the request, Donald Fulton, the head of Black Operations, was dispatched to bring the defector in.

            They tucked him away at a safe house in the Virginia countryside and started his debriefing. He unloaded a wealth of data—not only about Romania’s foreign intelligence gathering but also about other East Bloc services and their worldwide covert operations.

            It wasn’t until a week later that the General mentioned, matter-of-factly, a summit he might have attended had he remained in the East. Some high level representatives of East-Europe’s finest spy agencies were to meet Gaddafi in September. Also attending would be the elusive Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the Venezuelan-born terrorist better known by his nom de guerre, Carlos.         

 

The late-August sun dipped behind the horizon and WRC Radio started its nine o’clock news. Donald Fulton sat in the dark, the only light the reddish glow of his cigarette. He took one last puff, crushed the butt in the ashtray, then switched on the lights and went to sit behind his desk. He reached for the blue “eyes only” folder and opened it.

            The high level conference he attended earlier had been with the Director of Central Intelligence, the Deputy Director of Operations and the General Counsel.

             The Director, a new political appointee with no priors in intelligence or covert operations, had listened to his plan and then ordered changes. He wanted all the participants to the Libyan meeting black-listed, not just Carlos. Fulton thought that the termination with extreme prejudice of so many warranted a closer, more thoughtful consideration. When the DDO and the GC kept their mouths shut Fulton did too and now he was stuck with an operation he no longer believed in. 

              Fulton loosened his tie and lit another cigarette. To think clearly, he needed his poison. He had no assets in Libya and to find out where the East-Europeans and Carlos would be at any given time he had to outsource the fact-finding job. The Comitato Esecutivo per i Servizi di Informazione e Sicurezza came to mind and he called Rome.

             That solved, he concentrated on choosing the right men for the operation—men who could anticipate the unexpected and improvise accordingly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1

September 1978

 

Night descended on Spain’s Costa de la Luz and the fog followed shortly. It shrouded the NATO Naval Station of Rota and the nearby Puerto de Santa Maria in an opaque cloak. SSN Hammerhead, a fast attack submarine of the Sturgeon class, slipped her moorings and headed out. The dark hull started the run across the Bay of Cadiz then turned southwest into the Atlantic swells. Twenty miles out, the boat flooded her ballast tanks and slid beneath the waves.

           By the time the morning sun rose from the sea and gilded the Rock of Gibraltar, Hammerhead entered the Mediterranean and pointed her bow eastward toward Sardinia. Forty hours later, she rounded Malta and changed course for the Gulf of Sidra.

At 03:00 hours, on the third day out, Hammerhead came to full stop. Spy satellites have photographed a number of Dugas, Soviet built radar systems which littered the Libyan coast and could easily pick up the boat if she surfaced. Hammerhead remained five fathoms deep, cloaked by the sea. From her escape trunks, four dark shapes detached themselves and headed for the coast.

 

Clint Vaughan reached the shore and sprawled in the sand. Motionless, as a permanent fixture of the beach, he allowed the seconds to tick away. He couldn’t see or hear any movement besides the rhythmic crash of the surf at his feet. Using his elbows he slunk inland. Twenty meters from water’s edge he stopped yet again, checked his watch, then brought up a pair of Zagorsky night glasses to scan the surroundings. He had never been to this shore before but it looked no different than so many others he’d visited in secret—sand dunes and a two lane coastal highway snaking across a monotonous desert landscape. It appeared safe enough, he decided. If Langley got it right, there would be two hours before the next patrol. He flashed a small blue light and three black-clad figures emerged from the sea.

Mike Shannon, better known in their trade as “the bloody Redcoat,” crab-crawled to Clint’s side. His shorter, more powerful frame contrasted with Clint’s well-toned slimness. Through breaks in the heavy storm clouds, the moon bathed the landscape in a silvery light. Glancing at Mike’s face, smeared with black camouflage paint and looking like a hooded skull, Clint grinned—his must look just the same, he thought.

Mike let his fingers do the talking. He indicated a walk, pointed at his eyes and finally in the direction of the road.

Clint nodded and Mike dropped his air tanks and vanished into the night.

Jerry and Steve, the last two of the team, came dragging the waterproofed boxes containing their gear. For this operation everything they carried was of foreign provenance—nothing to indicate their true origins, not even the pocket litter. They hustled to twist out of their wet-suits and changed into Egyptian desert camouflage uniforms, devoid of any insignia or markings. Next, they reached for their guns. In their profession weapon-of-choice was the norm and each had his favorite but this occasion called for something different. Jerry picked up a Model 56, the Chinese version of the AK47, and Steve armed himself with a Czech-made Skorpion. While the pair split the fragmentation grenades, Mike returned and gave Clint the thumbs up sign. He quickly changed into his cammies then used a special harness to hang two Polish PM63s—great for spraying lead at a short distance—one under each armpit. Lastly, he grabbed the pack with the RPG tube and its warheads.

Clint reached for the bag containing his sniper rifle, two Swedish AP12 mines, and a remote detonator. “Mike and I will go set up an OP,” he whispered to Steve and Jerry. “You know the drill. When you’re finished follow us.”

Steve piled the diving gear into the boxes, pulled his short shovel and started digging. “Come on,” he told Jerry, “help me bury them.”

 

They had used the cover of darkness to set up the waylay. Jerry and Steve dug individual foxholes in the sand, about fifty paces apart, on the seaward side of the highway and covered themselves with the netting. Clint and Mike set the directional fragmentation mines, camouflaged them, then crossed the narrow asphalt strip and found protection about fifty meters from the road behind a cluster of thorny acacia bushes.

The seven o’clock dawn filtering through the heavy overcast enabled them to see their surroundings. The terrain chosen for the ambush was mostly barren land, broken by an oasis to the west and a greasy-looking salt marsh to the east.

By ten the wind managed to clear the sky and temperature inched close to forty degrees Celsius. Sand and rock already simmered under the sun’s harsh glare. Clint, dark stains under his armpits, felt the worst was still to come. Wiping rivulets of sweat from his forehead, he watched the occasional traffic while chewing on a cold Cohiba cigar

Mike broke the silence. “How long we gonna sit in this God-forsaken place?”

Clint stopped fiddling with the old Russian lighter and took the cigar out of his mouth. “Who knows? The Italians will call Langley when the target gets rolling.”

“Do you trust those guys?”

Clint shrugged. “Fulton’s setup, not mine. All I’ve been told was that a few spilas from CESIS are shadowing Carlos and his gang.”

“I would love to know how the Macaronari found out about this meeting.”

“They didn’t. Fulton had a bird chirp to him. He asked the Italians for help and they discovered that Carlos and friends will visit the archeological site of the Roman Leptis Magna and that today they’ll travel to Cyrene, to see the Greek ruins.” 

Mike grinned. “Interesting discovery if you ask me. Maybe a Libyan woman read them the future at the bottom of a cup of tea.”

“Maybe.”

The VHF radio interrupted. “Patrol coming.”

Clint glanced at his Pobeda watch. “Right on time.”

Using high-power binoculars, Mike followed the two fast moving halftracks of the Libyan border guards. When they vanished out of sight, he elbowed Clint. “They drove by without even looking. One miserable highway in the whole country and they can’t even patrol it right. What a bunch of morons.” Mike stopped long enough to light an Egyptian Manolaki. “The fact is that if Gumbas are right and the convoy needs to get from Al Khums to Cyrene this is the only way, unless they bloody fly.”

“I’ve seen hundreds of aerial photos, Mike. I know what the country looks like”

“I’m sure you do. Actually, Libya doesn’t need more highways. The rest of the country is nothing but desert, roamed by Berbers and Tuaregs. Those towel heads need no paved roads for their camels. Aye, it’s a screwball of a place. They live like in the Dark Ages but insist on being treated as equals. If not for their oil they’d all be starving….”

Clint stiffened a yawn and moved under the meager shade of the acacias. “For God’s sake, would you shut up?”

 

Thirty fathoms beneath the choppy surface, SSN Hammerhead ran silent. At 10:30 hours the sub rose to ten fathoms depth, activated its Seafarer communication system and prepared to receive the ELF broadcast from the Sanguine Transmitter in Michigan. The sub also released a small communications buoy which would allow it to contact the men on shore and pass on Langley’s message.

 

Mike shook Clint awake. “We have a problem.”

Clint rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Mike pointed to the east. “That.”

“A Shareqi?”

“Sure looks like one.”

Clint grabbed the radio. “Sandstorm’s moving in, boys. Goggles on, cover your weapons and protect the radios.”

“Roger that,” came in twice.

Satisfied, Clint faced Mike. “Anything happen?”

“Not much. Another patrol drove by, in a big hurry.” He checked his watch. “I hope the sub will call soon. I’m not that thrilled about fighting in the middle of a frigging sand storm.”

As if on command, the radio crackled. “This is Popeye. Come in, Hawkeye. Do you copy?”

Hawkeye, Clint’s call ever since Nam, referred to his legendary deeds as a sharpshooter. He now reached for the radio and spoke softly. “I read you loud and clear, Popeye. Send your traffic.”

They weren’t using elliptical conversation. The VH frequency made it highly improbable that someone could intercept their signal. For that to be possible, a receiving station would have to be no farther than five kilometers away. Langley had told them that there were none in the area.

The skipper of Hammerhead continued. “We have confirmation that the visitors left Al Khums at 09:00 hours. We calculated that they should reach your location about 13:00 hours.”

“How do they travel?”

“In a motorcade of four vehicles: a soft top Land Rover up front, two Mercedes limos and a green VW minivan at the rear. There are about a dozen Libyans riding shotgun, so be alert.”

Clint chuckled. “Believe me, we’ll be extra careful.”

“And one more thing. Home office advises that an Iraqi General may be in that group. You’re to take extra precautions not to harm him. Did you get that?”

“I got it all. Thanks. Expect us home for late lunch by 15:00 hours.”

“Copy that, Hawkeye. We’ll be waiting. Good hunting.” The radio went dead.

Mike was scratching his scalp. “What if they see the storm coming and hole up?”

“Don’t think so. By now they’ve long passed Surt and don’t know about this Shareqi yet. By the time they reach it they’ll have no choice. The only places in that area, Bin-Jawwad and As-Sultan, are nothing more than overgrown villages. They’ll push on, trying to make Benghazi.”

“And how about this Iraqi? What makes him so important and how are we supposed to avoid taking him out?”

Clint eyed Mike. “Langley changed again the rules of engagement. But don’t worry; we’ll go ahead as planned.”

“That’ll piss Fulton’s off.”

“Nothing new. I’ll take care of it.”  

Mike grinned. “If you say so.”

“Damn it, Mike, would you stop worrying. We were hired to take those commies out and that’s what we’ll do. If they didn’t want us to proceed, they should have told us to stand down.”

 

            The Shareqi struck before noon. A relatively mild one by local standards, it still raised thick clouds of dust. They couldn’t see beyond the length of a football field.

           An hour later the storm almost blew itself out but the air was thick with a fog-like reddish hue. It shielded them from the sun but played hell with the visibility. Mike grabbed the canteen, took a long drink then poured some water down his neck. “Want any?” He asked Clint.

Clint reached for it but the radio came alive. Steve, at the outpost farther west, spoke calmly. “I have a convoy in sight. Looks like our boys.”

Mike dropped the flask and raised his IOR spotter’s glasses. “Have command of the target,” he called. “Splash them before they get to the mines.”

Clint brought out the Dragunov—not his first choice in a sniper rifle, but a close second—chambered a round and pressed the butt tightly to his shoulder. He allowed the convoy to proceed. At two hundred meters the PSO scope seemed to pull the lead vehicle close enough to touch. Clint’s thumb flicked off the safety. He took a deep breath and let it out, slowly. When the Rover was one hundred meters away, he squeezed the trigger. The blast of the weapon was almost completely swallowed by the silencer. The 7.62 round went through the windshield and took part of the Libyan driver’s head off. The Rover, pushing sixty, zigzagged then left the pavement and turned sharply for the desert. Almost immediately it rammed a sand dune and flipped over. Unaware of what had caused the Rover’s erratic behavior, the other three cars skidded to a stop. Clint fired three more shots in close succession and three more drivers died without knowing what killed them. Clint grinned: “Adios, motherfuckers!”

Mike already had the RPG in hand. Calmly, as if on a shooting range, he aimed at the minivan, the one most likely to hold the bulk of the Libyan bodyguards, and pulled the trigger. The Soviet RPG-7 was a reloadable weapon, notoriously inaccurate at ranges beyond three hundred meters. Mike was well within range. The 85mm HEAT warhead left the tube with a mighty whoosh. An instant later the VW disintegrated in an orange ball of flames. Mike reloaded quickly, looked through the optical sight and fired at the first Mercedes. A sudden gust of wind made the round hit the asphalt inches from the front bumper. The explosion lifted the car and dropped it on its back. Mike’s jaw muscles twitched in frustration. “Shit!” He reached for the last rocket, loaded the tube, aimed at the last standing vehicle and squeezed the trigger. Nothing happened. Unperturbed, Mike tried again. This time there was a clinking noise inside the launcher but the rocket refused to ignite. “Bloody rubbish!” Disgusted, Mike threw it away, armed his two MP63s and called out to Clint. “Let’s go get‘em, Yank.”

The two dashed across a hundred yards of open space toward the wreckage. From the other side of the highway, Jerry and Steve charged along. 

A Makarov in his right hand, the radio in his left, Clint followed Mike who was firing in steady, controlled bursts at the last car. From a dead run, Clint shouted orders to Jerry and Steve. “Get that Mercedes. Use grenades.” As Clint and Mike stayed clear of the car, two near-simultaneous detonations completely demolished it. Fueled by gasoline, bright orange flames devoured the wrecks. In the absence of gunfire and grenade explosions, the roar of fires was almost like silence.

“Let’s mop it up,” Mike called, loud enough to be heard across the road.

The four converged on the center car, the one with its front wheels spinning in the air. Cautiously, while the others covered him with guns at ready, Clint opened a door. All inside were dead, except for a Libyan bodyguard seated up front. He was bleeding profusely and flames licked at his legs, pinned under the crumbled dashboard. Clint nodded at Jerry and turned away. Regardless of how much death he’d witnessed, the sweet odor of burned human flesh and acrid stench of rubber always insulted his nostrils.

Jerry pulled the pin off a grenade and threw it in the car.

They scurried away.

“The Rover,” Mike reminded them.

They deployed across the desert and closed in. They found three dead men in their seat harnesses; one shot by Clint, two apparently killed in the crash. They tracked the fourth one behind a dune, where he’d crawled on broken legs.

When they surrounded him, the man’s black eyes radiated fear.

Mike sat in the sand and lit a cigarette. He got closer and whispered in Arabic. “Where’s Carlos? Where’s the Iraqi General?”

The man, teeth clenched by pain, shook his head.

“Do you smoke?” Mike asked.

The man nodded and Mike took his cigarette and placed it between the Libyan’s lips. He got a blink for a thank you.

Mike stood up and started walking away. After five paces he turned around and the pistol bucked in his hand. The bullet hit the Libyan between the eyes. “Had to be done,” he said, more as an excuse to himself, and turned his attention to Jerry and Steve. “Go get your backpacks and the mines. When you’re done, come to the beach. Clint and I will dig up the diving gear.”

 

At eight that evening Carlos was in Misratah, enjoying the company of a seventeen-year-old Nigerian prostitute. He answered the rudely repeated knocks on his door stark naked, except for socks. Six uniformed Shurtas guarded the hallway. A civilian he’d seen in Gadaffi’s entourage, one he’d already figured for an officer of the secret police, broke the news. Carlos stood shamelessly framed in the doorway and thoughtfully combed his fingers through disheveled, recently-dyed blond hair.

“So, what do you want me to do about it? I told those idiots to stay here and have a party. No, they said. We’ll go look at some two-thousand-years-old Greek ruins.” Carlos’ moon-face contorted in a grimace. “Bury those idiots next to their fucking ancient ruins. They got what they deserved.”

 

Clint came to Langley for the customary debriefing. He expected the usual team but instead was escorted to the office of the head of the Black Ops—highly irregular, he thought. Seated in a comfortable chair, he watched Fulton wear the carpet down with his pacing. “Take a load off your feet and tell me what bugs you.”

            “Oh man, you sure fucked up this time.”

            “How do you figure that?”

            “You were paid to get Carlos…”

            “We got him.”

            “Like hell you did. You got everybody but him, and he was the primary target.”

            Clint jumped up. “Impossible. They were all dead.”

            “Really? How do you explain that just yesterday he was in Bucharest, pledging revenge for the murder of his cohorts?”

            “If he’s not burned to a crisp, there can only be one explanation. He wasn’t in any of those cars and that’s faulty info on your side.”

             “He was and the Italians have pictures to prove it.

             “Fuck those Gumbas. If they were any good, they would have taken him out themselves.” Clint scratched his scalp. “And even if he was at Leptis Magna, he could have gotten out at some point between Al Khums and the ambush site…. Right?”

“Damn it, Clint, you screwed up royally. You were hired to dispose of Carlos and you didn’t. Instead you’ve killed a number of officers of the East-European Intel Services. To top it off, you were told to make sure that a certain Iraqi General was not in any of those cars. You didn’t even bother to check. In your gung-ho style you blasted everybody, disregarding our instructions.”

Clint walked over to stare into Fulton’s eyes. “I did exactly what you told me two weeks ago, right in this office. I took them all out. How was I supposed to kill the bad guys and leave the Iraqi unharmed? Was I to stop the cars and ask for identification?”

“But what if Saddam was there?”

“So that’s who it was. Now I understand your concern. After all, you went through lots of shit to position him as the de facto strongman of Iraqi politics. And if you were so concerned about his health, why didn’t we get a stand down message?”

“That’s what I asked the Deputy Director when he grilled my ass. Luckily for you, Saddam never left Tripoli or you’d be breaking rocks at Leavenworth.”

“I’m thrilled.”

“You should be. Romania’s courts issued a death sentence against the General who sold us the tip and a two mill bounty was placed on his head. Gadaffi upped the ante by a mill and offered two more for info leading to the apprehension of those responsible. The commies have no way of knowing who sanctioned the hit but we should expect some tit for tat, just the same. It’s been standard retaliation procedure for the past thirty years. That’s got some people here scared shitless and screaming for your head. I covered for you, but my advice is to be careful. And next time, if there is a next time, play it by the book. Don’t start taking decisions on your own. That’s what we’re here for.”

Clint slapped Fulton’s back. “Thanks for the warning and next time, if there is a next time, I’ll do it by the book.”

“Why don’t I believe that?” He used his finger to poke Clint’s chest. “Hear this. Screw up one more time and I’ll personally tell the commies that it was you and Mike who took their people out.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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J. Moore wrote 646 days ago

Well, wouldn't you know. I find someone who actually wants constructive criticism and I can't think of any to give. I can tell you what works: everything. This is honestly one of the more professionally polished books I've found on this site. It reads like a Tom Clancy or W.E.B. Griffin novel. The only downfall is that you're too smart for most readers. There is a lot of jargon and esoteric language that would go over the head of anyone who isn't familiar with military OPs, foreign relations, geography, and world politics. I don't know any way around that. Your target audience will be people who are either as educated on those topics as you are or are willing to patiently learn about it. Unfortunately, most readers don't read to learn. Fans of Michener, Griffin, Clancy, etc. will have a friggin' blast with this, though; the premise is fascinating. The characters are badass but not perfect badasses, which is good. On top of all that, your writing skills are superb.

What I can offer is copyediting: When you say "forty Celcius," make sure you say "forty degrees Celcius." I know, a minor point. There is a typo of this' which I think should be "this is." "The Dark Ages" should be capitalized. "Mother Fuckers" should be "motherfuckers." "Gumba" is actually spelled "goombah," although some dictionaries accept "goomba," and it shouldn't be capitalized. One other typo near the end of chapter one: "al" should be "at."
These are all very minor things. They did not distract me, nor did they lessen my enjoyment of the text; they're simply tiny nits that need correction.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and read a lot more than I usually do. Although much of the jargon was foreign to me, it wasn't enough to overwhelm me. I wish you the best of luck with this. In my opinion, it deserves to be on the editor's desk.

J. Moore
Vigilante

sly012468 wrote 591 days ago

Dan,
Thanks for turning me on to your story. I love military stories, especially one's that involve Special Ops. (I recently discovered the Military Channel and lets just say my reaction was akin to that of a child at a free, all you can eat candy buffet!) I really like the way your story begins with a bang, or a CIA secret mission, that is. Your description of the characters, their surroundings, are great, but what I really like is the detail in things that some people maybe don't know as well; like the weapons, vehicles, etc. I was really bummed that there was only 4 chapters though, but that is OK, I look forward to buying the book when it comes out! Kudos, my friend, for a really fabulous story!

Shelly Palmer
The Duke from the Past

Laurence Howard wrote 675 days ago

Powerful, authoritative and gripping are the first three words that spring to mind. A little overdone I think with detail but nothing a good edit can't take care of. Definately up with Robert Ludlum and Ian Fleming with your own easy style that is riveting from the pitch onwards. You transport the reader into the world of espionage and conspiracy with convincing narative and excellent dialogue. This will be on the editor's desk very soon and on the store shelf not long after. A great read to take with you on a long haul flight. Best of luck. Backed.
Laurence Winchester, The Cross of Goa

EltopiaAuthor wrote 679 days ago

Hello Dan:

Gosh, and to think I had skipped over this title! Wonderfully descriptive opening, interesting concept and a perfect one for a thriller or adventure story, with hitoricity to boot. Well written. Tight writing, concrete/specific, and it seems unique to me. A genuine writer's voice, does not come across as contrived in the least. I think you have got gold here!

Will back ASAP of course.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

Stark Silvercoin wrote 65 days ago

To Kill a Dead Man is a great political and action thriller, written by an author who either has walked the walk himself, or did a heck of a lot of research into the shadow wars the US and Britain like to fight behind the scenes, especially in the Middle East.

Author Dan D. Andreescu takes us into the intrigue surrounding Iraq, a very contemporary place for this type of action, yet, surprisingly not very often written about in spy thriller circles. So this is both a unique and popular spot to set a book.

There are only four chapters posted, but I was easily transfixed by them. The characterization makes the main people seem very real. The sense of place is also evident, whether we are in the dusty Middle East or foggy Coventry. You will be brought right down to street level. In fact, the atmosphere is almost an extension of the character’s mood, which is a nice touch. You don’t normally get that level of quality in a thriller, so it’s great to find it here.

This is a rare thriller that will enthrall those who like this type of book, and I suspect that it could temp quite a few into the genre on the strength of the story and the writing. The only thing I regret is that there are not more chapters posted.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

NA Randall wrote 74 days ago

Dan,

I've just read what's posted here under Chapter 1. Here are my thoughts:

Firstly, politcal thrillers are not really my bag. But, on the strength of your writing here, I can see how this would greatly appeal to your ideal target audience. This is a very proficient piece of writing. Your prose has that taut, steely economy that is the hallmark of all novels of this genre. The political backdrop has a very authentic ring to it, and even though this opens in the late-70's, the story, in the light of current events, has a strangely topical feel. In this respect, you write with authority, and to great effect, whether it be a Stars and Stripes fluttering on the breeze, or a submarine flooding its tanks and diving beneath the surface.

A lot of work has clearly gone into what is a very polished, professional piece of writing. Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

turnerpage wrote 90 days ago

You’ve clearly written this with a particular market in mind and know exactly the kind of reader this will appeal to, as all genre fiction writers are meant to do. This is a fine example of a high concept, plot-driven action thriller written with authority to convince this reader that the writer knows his stuff. It's clearly written and you have an ear for dialogue. It’s a timely book, set in the recent past, in Iraq, a place which features on news reports almost every week yet to most of us is beyond our comprehension. The very best of luck with it and for its future publication.
Alison (Lambert Nagle)
Revolution Earth

Battle Knyght wrote 154 days ago

At first, it starts as a well worn story. Then it explodes in to making you believe it is real.
Worth backing.
BK

Ian Walkley wrote 202 days ago

Hi Dan
You’ve written the sort of book I love to read: great technical detail, lots of action and political intrigue. All wrapped up around one of the most controversial episodes in modern history, the wisdom of which will be debated for many years. Your prose is clean and well edited for the most part. You get into POV of characters well, but don’t dwell on heaps of backstory like some writers. Your writing shows you know your stuff and looking at your resume you have the sort of backstory that publishers froth at the mouth for. I have no doubt you’ll get taken up by a publisher.
I’ve had to resort to picky little comments, because there’s nothing major to question.
Title: Like it!
Short Pitch: I think you could get a stronger one liner here Dan, to hook the reader. “A story” is also weak. “Two prized assassins, expendable and perfectly suited to kill a rogue head of state — Saddam Hussein — are in place. And about to be abandoned…”
Long Pitch: Great.
Ch1: “Spy satellites have” – might be better as “had”
“Motionless, as a permanent fixture“ doesn’t need a comma
With Vaughan on the beach it’s a little confusing whether he’s lying down or standing. He’s “sprawled” but then hears the crash of the surf at his feet.
“slunk” – suggests he’s on his feet, but he’s using his elbows.
If he’s American would he be thinking in meters?
Would he be chewing on a cigar during an ambush?
The dialogue about Libyans being in the Dark Ages seems a little contrived. I think it would be better to keep it short and to the point.
All the best with the book and your “new career”.
Cheers
Ian

Neville wrote 309 days ago

To Kill a Dead Man.
By Dan D. Andreescu.


One of the most compelling reads so far and there’s a lot of competition on this site.
A truly amazing book, your description leaps out at the reader…stunning writing!
Your ability is unmistaken…you will go far in the world of publishing.
I don’t want to appear too patronizing but this is very good stuff.
The storyline itself is enough to keep the reader involved…the way it’s written, a bonus.
I won’t comment about parts of the book…It’s not needed…it’s all brilliant throughout.
If this doesn’t reach the book shops, I’d be very surprised and a publisher will have lost out.
Obviously I rate it with six stars and shelve it.

Kind regards,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE.

lafrattajoe wrote 313 days ago

Great read. It flows tremendously. Very well done.

Joe

subra_2k123 wrote 315 days ago

Hi, I liked the premise and backed with pleasure. soon I will read all chapters on this site and comment. Please find some time to look at my book 'Ozoneraser'

eddie mccann wrote 316 days ago

Dear Dan,

Excellently written, too technical in parts, Alistair Maclean couldn't have done better in manoeuvring the characters into position. A first rate war story. Not my type of book but I enjoyed it excellent.

Eddie

ellen zachary wrote 319 days ago

Hi,

I like the mystery (of the book summary) and the style of writing. I have not read in full yet but i am putting it on my WL.

Renaud wrote 369 days ago

Excellent professional writing, I look forward to reading more.

But Bowler Hat!!! Other than Prince Philip when driving a team of horses for sport, nobody but N O B O D Y in the UK has worn one for 40 years.

Daniela Pitakova wrote 383 days ago

Your book grasps the reader right into the action and holds him/her interested throughout the immaculate descriptions of any situation surroundings. Your explanations are so vivid I can imagine everything in detail. Well witten and enjoyable piece.

Good Luck
Daniela

KylieGrant1 wrote 388 days ago

Dan.
I read the first three chapters of your book and although I am not usually a fan of military novels and/or thrillers, I did enjoy them. I especially like your detailed and vivid descriptions which ease the technical aspects of the book so that there is a good balance and it doesn't become too overpowering. I like the dialogue, it adds details to the characters, and brings them alive on the page, which I think is needed in such a heavily technical first three chapters. The one, and only, correction I would make is at the beginning of Chapter Two where you have a long descriptive sentence about the season and then the weather. Although I do understand why you have done this ( the setting in a novel like this is of utmost importance) I felt like you were telling me a little too much, perhaps show the reader the setting, just as you do in the first chapter with the man sweating in the car. It aids the flow and means the reader stays inside the story, rather than on the outside looking in. I will be reading your other chapters. Good luck with it, I really hope you find a publisher for it.

KylieGrant1 wrote 388 days ago

Dan.
I read the first three chapters of your book and although I am not usually a fan of military novels and/or thrillers, I did enjoy them. I especially like your detailed and vivid descriptions which ease the technical aspects of the book so that there is a good balance and it doesn't become too overpowering. I like the dialogue, it adds details to the characters, and brings them alive on the page, which I think is needed in such a heavily technical first three chapters. The one, and only, correction I would make is at the beginning of Chapter Two where you have a long descriptive sentence about the season and then the weather. Although I do understand why you have done this ( the setting in a novel like this is of utmost importance) I felt like you were telling me a little too much, perhaps show the reader the setting, just as you do in the first chapter with the man sweating in the car. It aids the flow and means the reader stays inside the story, rather than on the outside looking in. I will be reading your other chapters. Good luck with it, I really hope you find a publisher for it.

folaketaylor wrote 390 days ago

Though spy/militaries stories are not my thing, what I have read so far is well written and top notch and I wish you the best. You deserve to get on the editor's desk. :)

J.Kinkade wrote 391 days ago

I enjoyed chapter 1, and I only have two minor crits:

I'm not sure why you have a comma after 'passenger' and 'Mercedes' in the opening para.

And in the last sentence, 'He used his finger to poke Clint's chest' doesn't really work for me. My first thought was, what else would he poke him with? And then I thought, well I suppose he could use a weapon, but was he holding one? And would he 'poke' a weapon? Maybe, 'He poked his finger in Clint's chest" would work better? It might just be me. Like I said, minor crits!

Also, 'God-forsaken' sounds so cliche to me--even if it is dialogue. I would use, pardon my French, 'shithole' instead.

This reads really well. Very smooth, very tight writing. Good dialogue. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to read and comment. Best of luck! J. Kinkade

bexy-lou-c wrote 393 days ago

Hi Dan,

Thanks for the read request, I must admit I was very intrigued by the witty title and I can say that I am very pleased to have read a fair few chapters. I admit I struggled a little at times as I am unfamilar with weaponery and such. However, I really love the story and I think you have a real flow to your writing that keeps the reader intrested throughout. It has a fast pace that sets it apart from most thriller/action books. Most importantly it appears you really know your stuff.

Starred and added.

Rebecca

S Gail Seymour wrote 393 days ago

Just a couple of small pointers. Right from the outset I noticed problems with tense agreement that nearly put me off reading any further. (eg, the man in the first paragraph parying he'll get to his destination instead of he'd get to his destination.)
I also found some of the treatment of the dialogue a bit wobbly. Some of it is absorbed into paragraphs that probably should be broken out.
But once it gets going, it shows promise. I found it a nice balance of action and dialogue that made me want to read on, so maybe it's just the opening that needs more work.

I Simpson wrote 393 days ago

Hello, Dan!
Thanks for the kind comments about Sons of the Fathers.
I think this could be really, really good. I like the Clint 'n Mike double act. It promises well, in particular because of the woman who came between them. Personally, I would like to see Chap 4 earlier in the story, with all the meetings dealt with as explanation to the protagonists when they have their highly-charged encounter and, no doubt, initially refuse to work together. 'The President himself asks you to do this' is about all you need, the mission having been explained. I'd like to see the prologue absorbed into Chap 1, which you could put in italics to emphasise the time gap. All this is subjective, of course, but I felt the story came properly alive when the old war-horses were being coaxed out of retirement.
Others have commented on the plethora of detail. While some may need to be edited out, I think it gives authenticity to this sort of novel.
Your Brit stuff goes wrong from time to time: I've never been to Coventry, but I didn't know it's particularly foggy; 'mate' better than paps and buddy; flick-knife not switchblade; miles not kilometres; it's dark about 8.00pm in April, and that's not the middle of the night; Mike would see swathes of yellow daffodils, the blooms beginning to wither, on his way home - there are streetlamps(!), and parallels to Mike himself?
Irritating errors, unworthy of an excellent writer like you: Home Office; Prime Minister: suburban (unless it's a proper name); bin Laden; Zimbabwe. In Chap 4: no comma after 'Please'; he'd not he's; kerb; hoodie.
I look forward to seeing a lot more of this. It's worth your time and effort.
Best,
Ian.

davidbowen wrote 393 days ago

This book is up there with the best of the thrillers. Immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. It actually sounds like the author knows what he is writing about. Fans of Clancy and his ilk will surely love this book.

Clive Eaton wrote 395 days ago

This book is generally well written and builds the overall picture neatly in the early paragraphs. There were one or two sentences requiring more punctuation (e.g. when you describe Steve and Jerry's weapons of choice - it could do with a comma after 'norm' and 'favorite'.). Also some of the dialogue seems slightly unnatural - "Was I to stop the cars and ask for identification?" seems a bit formal, whereas I'm sure in reality there would have been more aggression, justification and swearing after having just received a rollicking, such as - "What the hell did you expect me to do. Stop the cars and asked for their fucking identification." Writing natural sounding dialogue isn't easy, but having spent years in the military myself I think such an incident would have been discussed in a more heated manner. Overall an entertaining read.

talespin wrote 395 days ago

A good start, Dan. Setting the hook early is important. You seem to have done your research. It's hard for me to comment on plot or character development with only four chapters posted so far. You will get style comparisons, it is inevitable. The most important thing is to find your own voice and style and not emulate. Would like to read more so I can give an honest rating.

Les

talespin wrote 395 days ago

A good start, Dan. Setting the hook early is important. You seem to have done your research. It's hard for me to comment on plot or character development with only four chapters posted so far. You will get style comparisons, it is inevitable. The most important thing is to find your own voice and style and not emulate. Would like to read more so I can give an honest rating.

Les

BW Cassidy wrote 395 days ago

This novel is clearly incredibly well researched, and I have a suspicion that you don't want to waste any of the detail that you've discovered. I thought the plot was good, but obscured by the phenomenal amount of information that you've amassed. For example, there was no need to specify every single weapon used by the 'kill-team' in chapter one. Rather than making it more interesting it slowed down the pace in what otherwise would have been a very fast paced introduction. To use a cliche, sometimes less is more.
I wasn't sure that the prologue helped a great deal. The gripping part that made me want to read more actually began in Chapter One, and the prologue might have put me off if I was browsing the novel in a book shop. I'd be tempted to move that part into further into the novel as background.
The second chapter was good, because it was slower paced and because in that circumstance the added detail helped rather than hindered the pace.
On the whole, I thought the novel was good and well worth following. I wouldn't take any criticism from me too seriously as I'm fairly new to all this, and I do genuinely think there is a market out there for this type of fiction.

blackrose602 wrote 397 days ago

Thanks for inviting me to review the book. This is entirely outside my ordinary preferred genre, and I was a bit skeptical when I began. But you drew me in quickly, first with the pitch and then with the immediate action on the first page. I found it gripping, with a real air of authenticity--I believed in the characters and believed that the events could unfold just as described.

It may be a touch intellectual to entirely win over the mainstream, but that's one of things I loved best. This is a thinking person's book, and on a few occasions I found myself rereading a passage to make sure I had all the details straight. That's not a criticism but a compliment, I love books that make me sit up and pay attention!

There are a handful of minor copyediting nitpicks, but that's really the only negative I have. I would love to read the rest of this! I backed it. Good luck!

Norton Stone wrote 400 days ago

This is very solidly written but I feel you will have to make a decision at some point whether the enormous amount of detail you provide is going to limit it's readership. The detail gives it enormous credibility, )you clearly know your ordnance) I imagine particularly with those who work or have worked in the military and that market may well be large enough to make this a real possibility for publication. Of course there are also many non-military types who like this sort of thing but I think as the audience broadens the story needs to get stronger and the detail perhaps less to the fore. Experts in the genre would no better than I and other military writers on this site would be able to give you advice on striking the right balance. There were a few changes in tense that I spotted, one in the very first paragraph, you say he'll when talking in the past tense, possibly should be 'he would' Later starting "At 0300 spy satellites 'have', I think it should be 'had'. It is easy to see how much hard work and research has gone into this. Well done.

Helianthus wrote 400 days ago

I finally got around to reading this. It's entirely not my genre, so I can't comment much about it. I agree with previous comments that this may be over the heads of the general public; but there are people who eat this sort of stuff for breakfast, so I imagine a market can be found for it. The writing seems solid. I think your few typos were already pointed out. There were also a lot of inconsistent indentations, which may be an Authonomy thing - I noticed my own book had similar issues which don't appear in the document on my end.

Jedda wrote 400 days ago

The writing runs at a pace and is full of information for the reader to digest. Carlos has escaped as far as I have read, despite the actions of the special killing unit. This is not my usual genre. It is a book to be read in comfort not off a screen.It would appear that you have done much research into geography of the area, weaponary and the jargon of special forces. I can almost believe that you are as experienced as Mike in the craft of espionage and killing. Good Luck, on my shelf, Anne

Frostduke wrote 401 days ago

Well Dan, like you I've never read this genre before and actually found myself drawn in by the first chapter. The art of a good writer is voice and you certainly have found your voice. If I didn't know any better - you were actually part of that!? I know a few male members in my family that would enjoy this. It isn't vague and you're tapping into an audience that understand the military jargon. Backed!

Jess Steven Hughes wrote 405 days ago

This reads like a Tom Clancy or W.E.B. Griffin novel and devotees of this genre will enjoy the book. Is this the readership you are primarily gearing this toward? It is suspensefull, full of tension, and keeps the reader wanting to read more. However, there is a lot of military jargon that will go over the head of the general readership, I don't what you can do about that.

I would like to see more of Mike's inner thoughts and reactions, this would add to the tension and make the reader care more about him. However, this should not affect the overall read.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and it is a novel that I would buy. Good luck. This one I am sure will go all the way.

Jess Hughes
The Sign of the Eagle

ARBraun wrote 405 days ago

This is a great subject for a book. Very intriguing. My only suggestion would be to have more dialogue and inner thoughts early on. It seemed that the beginning of the book was all description, and that held me back a bit.

DavidByrne wrote 408 days ago

"Mike Shannon had not killed anyone lately" - Love that.

This is obviously very well researched and I love the dialogue. Very realistic.
I'm going to back it.

David

DavidByrne wrote 408 days ago

"Mike Shannon had not killed anyone lately" - Love that.

This is obviously very well researched and I love the dialogue. Very realistic.
I'm going to back it.

David

Shawn Hendricks wrote 409 days ago

Pre-Ch. 1

"A torrid day for Westphalia" doesn't add anything and certainly isn't the hook you want to set. In fact, move or remove the entire first paragraph.

Advised versus [has] had.

In 1978, the PC had not gotten huge market penetration and the parlance would not have supported unloading "data," but 'information.' Also, generals are not typically into the hard numbers or data but into connections, networking, policy and orders.

[With] that solved…
~~~~

The beginning is standard with nothing new or unique to recommend reading onward. The introduction of the black operator supplies little of interest. It feels as if you are going through the motions of setting the stage. Consider beginning at the point where he needs his poison.

I don't feel hooked.

JohnDoe wrote 410 days ago

Even though it's not a genre I have familiarity with I've been meaning to look at this for a while as it's been on a good friend's shelf for weeks. Started it today and liked the idea I found in the LP. I could quite easily imagine a table-turning of this sort and it making a good story. I got the sense of a thriller immediately in 'Executive Action' and I can imagine thriller fans feeling quite at home and settling into this with interest. I will read on and rate.

Fred Le Grand wrote 411 days ago

I'm not sure about this one.
The story would make a good screenplay, the characters are well-written and the pace is good.
My only problem is that the first half of the first chapter is all tell. You have to paint a scene then introduce a character or characters, then make them do something, then dialogue, then conclusion. Modern fiction is a series of such scenes, long or short. It you explain too much it becomes telling which readers don't like much. I understand how you need the back-story at the start, but you could drip feed it over the first chapter rather than position your players in the way you do.
The dialogue needs adjusting. You make the characters do something with every line of dialogue and I think it slows the pace of the speech. I would only interupt with essential changes of posture or actions so the scene flows.
Apart from those gripes, I figure you can make this very, very good so I'll back it.

DanoJ wrote 414 days ago

Having read the first chapter, I concur with others that your writing is excellent, and the story very engaging. I appreciate your shelving my book, "The Cowstail Keep," and hope that you find it engaging. I look forward to further reading "To Kill a Dead Man." Did I mention that the title is fantastic? Love it.

nuknuk wrote 421 days ago

I usually don't read this genre but you got my attention! Congrads on that! I'm sure this will be a hit with thriller enthusiasts.
Leslie

Fair Play wrote 425 days ago

i've just checked out what the previous commentator has said, and to the long list of what you've been and what you've done in your profile you should seriously consider adding ''bull*****er'' and ''authonomy cheat'' ...the latter referring to the IDENTICALmessages of praise you've been sending out to fellow writers for many months in the hope of getting your own work backed. You always say you're pressed for time. No wonder when you're seriously reviewing countless books every day.

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 425 days ago

This is one of the most professional books here. You're a worthy descendant of Michener. I stand amazed. Keep going. I'm putting it on my bookshelf.

lterry wrote 427 days ago

Okay I'm reading along and have a tenuous grasp on what's going on (I told you this wasn't my genre). I'm so out of my element here. However, everything is well-written enough that I'm not totally lost and if you knew me better you'd realize you've accomplished a lot. Everything flows well and the character descriptions so far are sparse, which is as it should be I'm thinking with this book, and their dialogue is smooth and believable. Your descriptions are just enough for me to have a good idea of the surroundings and have my brain pumping an image in my head but you do good with no overloading me with unnecessary details.
Cliff stiffened a yawn? sounds weird.. Do you mean stifled?
"Don't start taking decisions on your own." I'd think making decisions would be the better word.
I'm thinking I should keep reading. What do you say? We're both out of our element but it'd be an enlightening experience. But you only have four chapters or you just haven't uploading them all?
- lisa

2004carlt wrote 431 days ago

Hi Dan, found the first section hard to follow as it skipped through events too fast. It settled a bit as I read the section starting 'The late August sun.....' which read better as it felt more stable. But then this section was quickly interrupted by Chapter 1 where I'm faced with another scene setting. For me, the story started at 'Clint came to Langley.....' as this part went straight into a tense scene that didn't need much explaining.

I admit that this is not my normal read but from a storytelling point of view the writing and the writer got in the way of the story. Again, this isn't my normal read so I'm just going on the writing and general clarity of the story. I got pulled in at the 'Clint came to Langley.....' section as before that it was a wall of words trying to convince me I was it the right part of the world with the right group of people. This may be what your target audience is used to, so I guess you're the best judge of that.

jlbwye wrote 433 days ago

Not sure about your title, though, Dan..... perhaps you need something less dreary?
Just a thought.
Jane.

rosemariemeleady wrote 434 days ago

It's my husband's, father's and brother's birthday soon, so will you hurry up and get published as this book would be a PERFECT present for them! It is so difficult to find good, well written, modern, millitary based thrillers. Some of the jargon went over my head but that is because it is not my genre but I know my 'man folk' would eat it up. I spotted a few tiny typos but I can't talk as my manuscripts are riddled with them! I'll try and get my husband to have a read if he has time and give his constructive criticism as it would be definately be more his genre. I've given you 6 stars on the basis that I would buy your book for 3 people if it was published! Best of luck and I look forward to seeing this on the shelves by their next birthday! Rosemarie

Jay Adiyarath wrote 434 days ago

Hey Dan,

Many thanks for backing ED.
You have got the pulse right - it's a thriller no doubt, popular without age bar. Long time since we had genuine spy thrillers - I thought they disappeared with the Cold War.
Your book will soon be published I hope and I shall contribute to hasten it.
For now I have starred it heavily and backed it too.

Jay Adiyarath

Roy Belletete wrote 435 days ago

What can I say that's not already been written in your remarks? It's masterfully written. Precise and with precision you use your words to create an ultra-realistic feel. Happily backed and a hand full of stars.
Roy Belletete
--In Search of a Memory--

Margaret Anthony wrote 435 days ago

The number of shelves this 'rests' on says much about the quality of the writing. I can indeed endorse that although this is a genre I am no expert on.
You have my support, that's all I can offer. Shelved. Margaret.

jlbwye wrote 436 days ago

Ch. 3. You have a good, topical story, and your work is full of interesting facts, but I feel there is rather too much "telling" and not enough "showing" in the beginning of this chapter. A build-up and a touch of diaglogue when the contact mentioned his son's job could be a case in point.
Then the pace picks up, and I've almost forgotten about the technicalities.... but avoid the "suddenly" and "still" words, and dont use multiple adjectives. "He was a striking, disparaging sight" - it feelsw unconnected. In fact you could delete most adjectives in that paragraph, thereby making your writing much crisper.
I liked "Fulton dignified Manning with a nod" - speaks volumes, and no adjective.
You produce the background on Clint and Mike well, in the form ofdialogue. And your technique is perfect in the sentence "After Haughton hung up, Fulton kept holding the dead phone."

Ch.4. In the second paragraph, delete "When" and the "he" after "floor". See how much better that reads; and beware of muddling the tenses (or is it a typo?).
This chapter flows much better, and you contrast the characters of Mike Cliffe well.
You give me a feel of Le Carre and Jack Higgins, right down to the Bushmills. Very promising stuff, once you've ironed out all the irritations.
The best of luck with this, and keep writing!
Jane. (Breath of Africa).

Red2u wrote 438 days ago

excellent writing.. by the way raised in the arm forces so i do know some of the in & outs (actually live on a missile base) in regards to military life.have backed and rasted well..

R. Lee Hart wrote 440 days ago

Dan:

You have an interesting premise, but somehow the story gets lost in the shuffle. Immediately, I found, the locations and players changing faster than I (and I am sure) other readers can keep up with. I think there needs to be a more substansive start; say a meeting between all the connected charachters, which provides the reader with some background and, maybe in dialogue, what the objective of the mission is about. If all the 'team' was in the same room at the same time, the opportunity would be available for banter and opposing characters and personalities.

Just some thoughts.

John