Book Jacket

 

rank 1261
word count 46665
date submitted 24.09.2008
date updated 28.07.2009
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Popular Culture,...
classification: adult
incomplete

Requiem for Davey Post

Jason Horger

Where has jazzman Davey Post been hiding out for more than forty years? Will a body unearthed in Memphis finally solve this mystery?

 

In 1963, jazz sensation Davey Post vanishes on his return home from a European concert tour. More than forty years later, a mummified corpse is unearthed at a Memphis construction site with Post’s trumpet nearby, and Captain J.D. Howard must re-create Post’s last days. His detectives concern themselves with the here-and-now of hard evidence. In-between press conferences, barbecue lunches, a trip to Chicago, a summer of drug murders, and the birth of his granddaughter, Howard finds Davey Post was not the paragon of 'clean living' of legend. Aided by Post's former bandmate, a blues legend, a musicologist, a concert accompanist, an evangelist with a mysterious past and a free-spirited Scotland Yard detective, Howard and his squad get to the bottom of the generation-long mystery.

 
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tags

a memphis story, blues, chicago, corpse, crime, detectives, disappearance, drugs, howard, identity, jazz, love, memphis, murder, music, musician, myst...

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83 comments

 

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Geoff Thorne wrote 1239 days ago

This is my first backing of 2009. No surprise its a fellow crime writer (even though he calls it a thriller).

It's difficult (for me) to isolate what makes a book work when I like it. When a book grabs me and pulls me in as this one did, I just forget all the coffee shop deconstruction, open my wallet and get the thing home as quickly as possible.

Then I devour.

Sometime later, usually weeks after the fact, I go back to lift out things to steal. A turn of phrase, a chapter structure, something. There's always something in a good book.

It takes some time to step back and really deconstruct the prose, feel out the tone and the voice of the thing and use the part of my brain that analyzes to figure out which morsels are the most succulent.

I'll be doing that here. Everything about this thing is tasty. The tone, the subject matter, the use of crackling dialogue, all of it. It's just a big lovely meal that should be savored going down.

This is not only backed but recommended.

Nice one, Jason. Keep 'em coming.

Ariom Dahl wrote 1259 days ago


Hello Jason,
I have just finished reading Davey Post and this is absolutely bloody marvellous! You have GOT to get this published. It is without doubt one of the best completed books I’ve read on this site. I probably missed any number of minor typos (which we all make) as I raced through the last few chapters. Hmm, yes, you scattered a few clues to make us think about the identity of the corpse, but treated your characters so well. Even as an Aussie who knows nothing about the US music scene, I was drawn into this until I felt totally at home. I loved just so many things about this.
I’ll recommend some others for you: Confessions of an Internet G33k, Telo, and Coydogs are excellent reads.

Well done!!

Heikki Hietala wrote 1266 days ago

Ah-um. (You'll get that reference).

I'll take five and freeload a little here. First of all I'll kick myself in the head for staying off this thing for so long, but now that it's shelved, you'll see just how much I like this. I only went in three chaps at this point (would enjoy a PDF hint hint) but found myself saying, why oh why can't I walk down to the store today and buy this as a book.

Now comes my gripe: What is a hydraulic blast on an airport? That one had me guessing. Maybe you'll care to elaborate, but I thought that if you mean the exhausts of the jets, they hardly can be called hydraulic blasts, as such blasts usually enter concrete and kill people (for example if a hydraulic line bursts, people get bad vibes).

See how much mileage I got from a single item? That's because that's all I could find. Other than that it's full blue in green and I love it!

Best, and hey, this needs a couple shameless pluggie thingies.

Heikki

katekasserman wrote 1274 days ago

Hi Jason! This is a richly atmospheric thriller whose most compelling aspect, to me, is the strong characterizations, which shine particularly in the dialogue. Just for example -- Richie, when he gets into storyteller mode! But the both major and minor distinctions between attitude, behavior, and particularly DIALECT between all the characters (you'll never mix up Sue's and Lump's lines when you're reading, heh heh...) are drawn with a sharp eye and make the world feel very solid and very real. And little character touches that aren't reflected in dialogue too -- Marie's tight smile when wife #1 Ade is mentioned, but her supportiveness about JD's recurring dream. You don't say any more about it than that, and you don't have to -- I get it. Of course there's some tension about the beloved wife who died, and of course JD notices it; but it's minor in the scheme of things.

And this careful attention to details that are "minor in the scheme of things" leaves you a lot of ground to sow clues that I can't guess at, and I'm sure you have, heh heh...because this is a very carefully constructed book. There's a lot of tension, but the tension through chapter 11 (as far as I've read for now; I figured that through chapter 6 was what you'd need for agent queries, but...I was curious...and I'll read the rest later when time allows!) comes through MYSTERY more than fast-paced urgency. I mean, we technically don't even know that there's been a murder!!! BUT!!! BUT!!! I will tell you what I think at this point. POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT FOR ANYONE OTHER THAN JASON! Okay. I think those dental records are unmitigated hogwash. They appeared five years ago -- fishy, fishy, fishy. And the three missing fingers? There'd be a big difference in THOSE EXACT FINGERS between a man who played the trumpet and one who didn't. The removed organs? Okay, I have NO CLUE what's going on about that, but I'll tell you one thing -- ancient Egyptians surely did NOT castrate bodies that they mummified. Maybe there was something identifiable about the deceased's organs and genitals somehow (yeeks -- a circumcision issue or something???). But I do not think our d.b. is Davey Post. I just don't. (And I am mighty suspicious about the devoted Sue and those blonde hairs in the sheet...just so ya know...)

JD, middle-aged, thoughtful, physically compromised, pressed but not unreasonably so by personal, career, and political matters, makes an excellent and sympathetic protagonist. He's not likely to go vigilante on anyone. He's going to proceed carefully, patiently, and thoroughly, and it's the right pace for a MYSTERY, as well as a thematically pleasing one for a mystery involving a jazz musician! We'll take our time, and it's the process of discovery as much as the result. An interesting element is Davey's STYLE of music -- technical perfection, criticized only for being not open and loose enough BECAUSE of its perfection. I suspect this is going to be important in the denouement. Because it tells us a lot about Davey -- even though we know so little about him REALLY.

I kept a running list of typos and possible prose issues as I was reading since I know you want this to be a letter-perfect MS for those agents -- so here it is:

Ch. 1 periodic hydraulic - two "ic"s in a row; maybe "regular hydraulic" (regular is a more boring word, but it's not an ic one...!). Since there are already two "now"s in close proximity in this sentence, probably at least one repetition needs to be axed -- with the caveat that the repetitions do have a sort of musicality to them which, while slightly distracting in prose, is certainly spot-on for Davey...

Ch. 1 waiting to hear business halfway across the country - hear how business

Ch. 1 door-to-door salesman. Brushes? - either extra spaces here, or a missing paragraph break (or one that authonomy just didn't acknowledge!)

Ch. 2 backed the poor fellow up against the yellow backhoe behind him. - back/back repetition; I like the hyper Hickey "backing" the poor guy into something, so maybe change the pesky equipment into a loader (a subtype of backhoe, so maybe you could get away with calling it this) or a tractor or a dozer...(since they might have other equipment hanging around)

Ch. 2 w/early thirties - early

Ch. 2 invoike the heavens - invoke

Ch. 5 "And it's J.D., long as you're in the family." - they'd already settled on first names in the beginning of the chapter

Ch. 8 Jagrmeister - Jägermeister

Ch. 10 amongst my peers at school. Make that a lightning rod - either extra space again or another one of those missed paragraph breaks either in your original MS or the authonomy upload

Ch. 10 capable of humor. Railroaded - same space/paragraph break issue

Ch. 11 Sleepy's wrong, by the way -- the el is MUCH faster to get into the city proper from O'Hare, especially in rush hour!

Ch. 11 I marvel once again - I marveled once again (tense change feels odd)

Really wonderful work. I was engrossed, and I'd buy this in a second (thriller fan here!!!). Thanks for steering me to this one -- and best of luck!!!

Nick Poole2 wrote 825 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

amandajm wrote 859 days ago

I like this so far, intriguing set up. I will continue reading. Happily backed!

Amanda
Busch Lane

Splinker wrote 860 days ago

Backed this a few days ago but forgot to comment. Great premise for a mystery thriller and well written. One of those books that makes me want to be a fan of something I don't normally think about -- in this case, jazz.
Well done.

Lady Calverley wrote 862 days ago

I like a good mystery and I'm a sucker for jazz-- so this drew me in. I really shouldn't be reading tonight as I am battling the flu and am having trouble concentrating/commenting, but I like what I've read so far and shall shelve you. Hope to be back for more when I feel myself again!

Ruth/Base Spirits

Deb Borys wrote 1035 days ago

Sorry, but I got lost on paragraph four. Just totally confused as to what you were saying even though I read it like 3-4 times. I did try reading past, but it was still confusing as to who was who and when was when. Example at the end here: Trumept man is thinking forward to what he'll do when he gets to Chicago, sleeping and then catching a bus back to Memphis. But in the next paragraph you sound like you're talking about the past in the first sentence "Sue from Arkansas hit the scene" (what scene?) and in the present in your last "But now Dennis Gold stood in front of the door (what door?).

Why do you wait till the last paragraph to give us trumpet man's name, Davey Post? That further confused my who is who dilemma.

NoraD wrote 1040 days ago

After two chapters I can see this is just what I've been looking for - a good, solid mystery/thriller with an interesting background. I'm glad I dug it out of the pile without waiting to be asked to read-swap, just 'googled' a few topics of interest, including music ...)
Anyway, it's jumped straight on to my shelf, without any intermediary watch-listing. Hardly anything to quibble: Maybe you could do without the dates at the top of the chapters? In each of the first two, you convey an immediate sense of time and place. Would like to have this in print.
- From a fellow mystery writer.

Paolito wrote 1044 days ago

Requiem for Davey Post....

Love this one. Everything you expect in a mystery/thriller and more. The more is definitely the characterization and the writing. Love the music metaphors, love the suspense. Can't understand why it's not moving up faster.

Hope this backing helps.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (another thriller; would love your honest reactions)

Sheilab wrote 1084 days ago

This is great. Wonderfully atmospheric and so well written. Love the descriptions of 'the trumpet man' and love the way that first chapter ends. Then you move fluidly forward but still keep up that great atmosphere.
Shelved
Sheila

AnnabelleP wrote 1095 days ago

Hi there,
I found this well written, I have a tendancy to use too many words where fewer will do so I could learn from your style. This is intriguing, how Davey went missing and how he then suddenly turns up dead. Your dialogue is realistic, it makes your characters fell more alive. This flows, you weave in small details so that we learn as we go along and this also pads the story out to give us a more complete picture. I''m not going to nit-pick the technical details as I don't feel qualified. This is an enjoyable read and I think it would appeal to my step-father as he is a jazz musician and also likes novels with murder and mystery.
SHELVED!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

johndan2 wrote 1112 days ago

This one caught my eye; I don't remember how and I don't care. I like the story. The plot's good, the writing's sharp and there are few wasted words. Tight, trim and sultry. Watchlisted, but only because I don't have room on my backing shelf at the moment, and won't until I finish rewriting the last three chapters of Post 60.
You've worked your ass off, and it shows. Your numbers should be much higher.
John E. DeHart

Lord Dunno wrote 1130 days ago

You know how some books have a feeling to them. They conjure things up out of the air. That's what this does. It conjures up whiskey and cigarette smoke and music of course. I loved thre opening set in 63 and you brought the airport lounge to life. Then forward to the present and the body and the missing valve finger. Jeepers, you are laying down some solid beats, dad! Yes, this breathes jazz as surely as the ghost of Davey Post. There's not many books as steeped in atmosphere as this one.

Jangle wrote 1139 days ago

Wow! Ever since I joined authonomy, I have been looking for this book! They don't have mystery or suspense in their genre list, and I have looked for this kind of book in vain--until now. It's a good, almost hardboailed mystery with hints of Chandler thrown in. I love it and have very little negative to say.

The"worst" of the three chapters I read is Chap1-- worst is in quotes because your worst is many others' best. The phrase "had fully ebbed away" is redundant and awkward. Something like "...had finally deserted him" would be simpler and more direct. In a couple of places you repeat words in the same paragraph and in general that chapter could use a little tightening up. An example of what I mean: You have two paragraphs about his not drinking which can easily compressed into one shorter one if you go from the sentence beginning "Drinking would..." to "It would be easy..." But of course, it is your book and nothing in the first chapter would keep me from reading on as it is--but the next next chapters are real "wows" and the first one could esily match them.

I have no suggestions for Chaps 2 and 3, except maybe not to mention that Nguyen is Vietnames-American as most people would know that and those that don't won't notice anyway. It's a mild distraction from the flow of the story. UNLESS his ethnicity is important to the story.

I wish you all the luck in the world .I am shelving this--and will be back to read more for the sheer pleasure of it.

Jan

Janet Marie wrote 1141 days ago

Hi Jason. You perfected the energy of the Memphis musicians through your thick speech in narration and slang in dialogue. I'm from Memphis and the best thing about the city is the sultry vibrations that fill the air. And yes, they actually uncover Egyptian mummies in the city. Oh, this is fun. What a great surprise. You have all the main sites of Memphis and give it that special sensuous flavor. And certianly, as well as writing well, you have a great suspense, mystery. Strong red headed police officer with plenty of isolated clues. Shelved. Good luck. Janet Marie (Spirit Prisoners.)

DeidraPhillips wrote 1151 days ago

Jason,

Finally got around to picking up where I left off. Still enjoying the story! I promise to find the time to read more - eventually.

Deidra

Denis wrote 1191 days ago

Hi Jase,
My schedule is all shot to hell today and I've had time to check this out earlier than expected.
What do they put in the water in the States? Apart from bourbon. I've read a lot of crime fiction in my time and this has to be up there with the best of them. You took me straight back to the 1960s with all the brand names. Attention to detail is brilliant, even down to spelling HONOURED correctly for a European.
The story is interesting and different. Davey Post was alive (maybe not for long) but he lived. A red-headed 6'5" police chief with a trick knee caught my attention on two out of the four counts (I was once red-headed and I now have a trick knee). So he lives for me too. If I have one small crit (very small) it did get a little CSI-like in places but, on reflection, maybe that's no bad thing.
You have a great gift with similes.
All in all I was mightily impressed. Good enough to publish? Definitely. I'll move my shelf around for this.
BW,
Denis.

Jed Woods wrote 1197 days ago

Jason. Finally got here. Very nice too - glad to get aroud to you.

The atmosphere is the first thing that strikes me. It feels heavy and brooding somehow, with a sense of the ominous about it. The second thing that hit me was the ease in which I found myself slipping into the story. There are so many reasons to support something - sometimes it's a fact that a book is just a damn fine read and it should be left there.

I like the build of it. It seems to be moving in a nice pattern to a natural crescendo, and the timing and lay out complement the plot. It is often a problem with some books I've read, where the plot moves disproportionately to its natural flow - you constantly feel interupted by breaks in rythym that spoil the overal effect.

Anyway, glad to put on the shelf, and will be dropping into some of your other stuff soon.

Jason.

DeidraPhillips wrote 1201 days ago

Jason,

I just read the first 3 chapters and the story line has me hooked already. As a southerner, though, I can't help but notice that you use the word y'all several times to refer only to one person. Y'all is definitely plural.

I look forward to reading more very soon!

mskea wrote 1201 days ago

Hi, Jason,
You know I didn't expect to like this - and here I am sucked right in. The quality of the writing has won me over - and started me nit-picking with little edits as I read - a compliment I assure you. Phrases/ sentences I particularly enjoyed / found effective - eg - 'Lucky he was able....' / 'jealously breathing in the cigarette smoke around him.' - this is (in my opinion) the mose effective sentence so far. / the whole 'photos' bit - such a clever and economical device - lovely.
The final para of ch1 - excellent.
You should know by now this is going on my shelf.
But the wee glitches - I think there is too much detail in first sentence - kill the 'stiff backed , molded seat.' - we're in the passenger's lounge - let us imagine the seat (it doesn't matter) -focus on the man.
Start of para 2 is TELL - sugg. start ' With less than an hour...' the rest of the info can be drip fed.
Ditto ' His joy in music had fully ebbed away from him' -this is pure TELL. 'By the time of his return...' is SHOW (and does the same job.)
I'd also sugg removing '(which is another day or so) / (after stops in Cleveland and Fort Wayne) - 2 refs to this - if these places aren't important forget them - we don't need to know the planes' whole itinerary.
'Check(ing) his jacket. Take a taxi' - make tenses agree. (there are some other places where tenses are iffy.)
These are all minor quibbles, but there is one more serious issue - The para 'But then sweet Sue came along....But now Dennis Gold stood...' This is confusing - particularly in time frame - when was this happening - he has just thought about giving up and going home to one girl (presumably these are his present thoughts) and now you introduce another one. I couldn't sort out the chronology of this. And I need to - at least I have the feeling its important. If I'm right, then it needs to be clearer (imo)
That said, this has captured me and as this isn't my preferred genre you should be proud.
Off to shuffle my shelf.
Margaret
PS - I'd really really value your comments on Munro's Choice - probably not your 'thing' either, but your opinion wil be the more valuable for that.

rjladypunk wrote 1204 days ago

Oh my, I LOVE the sound of this. Right up my street. Drawn in straight away......xxx

Ruthy wrote 1204 days ago

This has been on my shelf since I first read it. A really different twist on the crime genre. I liked the unfolding story of Davey Post. To me this felt very polished (and commercial!) , and I could see a publisher snapping it up.
Best wishes,
Ruth

Maria Luisa Lang wrote 1205 days ago

Dear Jason, I find Requiem quite engrossing, and not just because you also have a mummy. I like both the story and the writing. I’m fascinated by “cold case” crime shows such as New Tricks, Waking the Dead, and, well, Cold Case. So I was hooked as soon as I read your pitch, which is, I feel, a masterpiece of the genre. Many Authonomy pitches give only the sketchiest notion of what the book is about and so completely fail to advertise it. But yours packs in pertinent, intriguing information and creates a desire to follow Howard, et al, as they “get to the bottom of the . . . mystery.”

Your first chapter is just as effective. There’s everything a reader needs to know in order to become acclimated and enticed, and I admire how you write in the third person while using only words in Davey’s vocabulary. When I got to chapter 2, I realized why you couldn’t use the first person in chapter 1. But you manage to retain all the advantages of the first person, including direct access to your character’s thoughts.

Howard is a fine creation, as is the entire ensemble. I’m envious of your ability to use dialogue to make each character distinctive. And then there’s Richie’s dialect. I can’t think of many published writers who have even tried something like that, never mind pulling it off.

As you know from reading my book, I prefer lean prose and, though I have a lot of description, I try to make my sentences as readable as I can. So, from my perspective anyway, your prose is occasionally bloated and some sentences are overloaded. In chapter 1, for example, there’s the second sentence of the third paragraph, one beginning with “But, hoping.” (By the way, “his joy” couldn’t have been “hoping.” Rather, “he” was “hoping.”) I think the Phoenix image is not only over the top, but inappropriate. I mean, how could great or even just better music rise “from stagnant passages”? You also occasionally overload a sentence with description, or I should say descriptiveness. In chapter 2, for example, you write, “Venerable uttered in his low, quiet, western Kentucky monotone.” I would replace “uttered” with just plain “said.” I learn a lot from “low,” “quiet,” and “monotone,” but nothing at all from “western Kentucky.”

I realize that you’re trying to evoke a world unfamiliar to most readers, and that Memphis and jazz might be as alien to them as ancient Egypt and a talking cat. But you write so well you can risk relaxing a little more. I’ve put your book on my shelf. Maria

InternetG33k wrote 1214 days ago

Hi Jason,

After the first two chapters, I'm hooked! If my WL weren't so full, I would sit at my computer until I'd made my way through all 28 chapters. The only thing that struck me was in Chapter Two, when you write - "She brushed a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear" - Seems to me not only have I read this sentence multiple times in recent days (in other books, obviously), but I get the feeling I may have used this phrase myself, and it pulled me out of the moment. The rest of the introduction to Karolyn Burgess was excellent. Shelved!

~Traci

S. Chris Shirley wrote 1217 days ago

Masterfully written prose and a character we root for from the start. SHELVED! I loved so much of the writing here such as "Solid as the bass line," "Nuns compared to bowling pens," powerless to stop" is such a revealing line on his potential addictions, "like a melodrama prison warden" is such a great visual. And these were only the ones in the first chapter. I'm so impressed! Just one tiny edit for clarification:
-- “in-flight service” - to me, this means food, beverage, etc. so I’m not quite sure what “in-flight service to Cleveland and Ft. Wayne” means since he’s leaving from Newark. So, if this is connecting through these cities perhaps you could just say “connecting” or “with stopovers”?

tiggertoo wrote 1221 days ago

Jason
Read to the end of chapter 3. You have a distictive style and strong characters. If your plot is as interesting as the synopsis suggests, this seems commercial to me.
I found the sentences in chapter 1 difficult in places. Maybe it was delibererate because it was DP's voice, but you might want to shorten some. The first para didn't grab me as it should have/could have. Hey., but that's just my view.
* I wondered whether the trumpet man should be capitalised: The Trumpet Man.
* "By the time the 707 touched down..." You then use "he'd". It should either be "707 had touched down" or simply "he"
* "Drinking wouldn't fuck up his timing". Is the "fuck" appropriate? Would DP have said that?
* The end of chapter 3 felt a bit flat. Perhaps a hook hinting at what might be to come would be better?
I'll continue to read. Bookshelved, at least for a while.
BW, Murray

heatherjacobs wrote 1222 days ago

Hey Jason,
They chopped his three fingers off, took all his organs and turned him into a mummy to be buried in a housing estate? Nasty, nasty, people! I felt like I should be listening to some old time jazz while reading this to really get me in the mood. My favourite scene was the one in the bar when the detective is getting all the background clues from his mates - I felt like I was in Memphis, tapping my foot in time to the music. You've got a great whodunit mystery unfolding and I hope his killers are brought to justice, Was it Bonnie? Or is that too obvious? I've only read three chapters but I'm happy to place it on my shelf. Cheers, Heather

cmanteria wrote 1226 days ago

Wonderful prose. Gripping, angry and tense. This is what a crime novel should be.

I'm backing this without a seconds hesitation!

Good luck with it. Please let us know when it gets published.

-Chris

Larry Harrison wrote 1228 days ago

HarperCollins, other publishers, agents and the general public have a problem with expectations when trawling this site - rather like academics, faced with a pile of marking, who anticipate mediocrity. Told that this is a slush pile, readers look for reasons why something has not been snapped up, why it is not commercial. And of course you can always find something with which to pick fault, even in the classics. The reality is that quite a few of the books here are as good as, or better than, much of the stuff already in print.

Requiem stands comparison with anything on the crime shelves of my local bookshop. Not saying you couldn't tweak it here and there, but I've reached chapter 18 so far, and it is outstandingly good. I started intending to write a critique and ended reading for pleasure. There are some great similies, worthy of Chandler - 'gaped like a newly-landed trout in the bottom of the boat' - and the dialogue is superb.

It's been hard to identify areas which I don't like so much. I wondered about the biography in chapter 10, which felt like a long digression, and slowed the pace. The same with the scene in the labour ward, which takes up chapter 16; not sure that it earns its keep. I shall read on now, and if anything else occurs to me I'll post again.

Great stuff.

Larry

FaithB wrote 1234 days ago

Jason, just finished chapter 5 and have rather overshot lunch break, but as usual, a quiet day in the office. This is utterly brilliant, completely captivating, splendidly atmospheric, astonishingly well written and any other assortment of superlatives you care to choose. Shelved without a backward glance.
Thanks for a fantastic book

Faith

CarolinaAl wrote 1235 days ago

Hi Jason,

I read your first three chapters.

This is an excellent, entertaining mystery novel. Well done, Jason.

Your characterization of Howard presents him as a multi-dimensional, flawed, interesting person. You skillfully use your narrative voice to get inside him deeply to show us his thoughts and emotions, giving us just enough to find the man fascinating.

Your descriptions of characters and settings are vivid and never intrusive. Reading your story is like going to a movie.

I love your dialogue. Snappy. Interesting. You've given each of your central characters a distinctive voice. Normally I don't like dialect in dialogue (because it's distracting), but you pulled it off.

I like the leisurely pace of your first chapter. The quick pace of Chapter Two was equally impressive. Masterful.

Some suggested edits.

Wake up at 1 AM Saturday in . . . '1 AM' should be '1 a.m.'

"Just what we need around here...huh, Cap?" When using three ellipsis dots, separate them from the text with a space. Same thing with "When his foreman...Mr. Avilas." There are more cases of this kind of problem in your first three chapters.

Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness.

"Afternoon, Cass," I nodded to the bartender. Period after 'Cass.'

These are minor edits and didn't interfer with my enjoyment of your fabulous story.

Good luck with this book which I have gladly backed.

Al

PS: Might I ask you to read and review SAVANNAH PASSION?

Geoff Thorne wrote 1239 days ago

This is my first backing of 2009. No surprise its a fellow crime writer (even though he calls it a thriller).

It's difficult (for me) to isolate what makes a book work when I like it. When a book grabs me and pulls me in as this one did, I just forget all the coffee shop deconstruction, open my wallet and get the thing home as quickly as possible.

Then I devour.

Sometime later, usually weeks after the fact, I go back to lift out things to steal. A turn of phrase, a chapter structure, something. There's always something in a good book.

It takes some time to step back and really deconstruct the prose, feel out the tone and the voice of the thing and use the part of my brain that analyzes to figure out which morsels are the most succulent.

I'll be doing that here. Everything about this thing is tasty. The tone, the subject matter, the use of crackling dialogue, all of it. It's just a big lovely meal that should be savored going down.

This is not only backed but recommended.

Nice one, Jason. Keep 'em coming.

Showgirl wrote 1239 days ago

While I think you have the makings of a good story, I felt you tended to be too verbose, with too many unnecessary words. I also was confused by the mentioning of all the characters--just names-- and places. Nothing a reader could sink their teeth into.

Here are some notes I made to myself on your first chapter.
First Paragraph, used present tense 'this' instead of past tense 'that'.
Superfluous words in first sentence of second paragraph, 'just,' 'still' and 'own.'
'To see' reads better than 'and seeing'.
'then there would then' - extra then
'counteraccusations' seems a little wordy. How about rebuttal
Sentence beginning in 'Who' and ending in 'plan' is much too long.

I only read one chapter, but I felt their were too many problems to continue at this time.

Ali Cooper wrote 1239 days ago

HI Jason, I've been so used to seeing this on my watchlist I thought I'd read it and backed it ages ago. the music just oozes out of it, feels not so much George Melly as Sultans of Swing. I'll give it a turn on my shelf. Ali.

Katrina Twitchett wrote 1241 days ago

Hi Jason,

Revisited Requiem for Davey Post. I have to say that my initial thoughts are still evident. I found chapters two and three slow to read - Ch 2 seemed to have too many characters introduced for my liking. Ch 3 had some great characterisation, but I felt it was a little too drawn out with dialogue. I love the unusual slant on the thriller genre - initally I wasn't sure about the prologue, but on second visit I do like it as it gives a sense of history. I warmed to JD - a dry sense of humour always goes down well with me.

I believe with some trimming I for one would find it a more comfortable read. I personally prefer Whom do I have to kill - but that is a completely personal point of view.

I see great potential for Requiem and I wish you all the very best.

Kat

Gordon Long wrote 1246 days ago

Dear Jason.

I'm not a specialist on police/murder stories, but I've read enough of them to know that this one matches up. I think it's a good plot line, and I like the way you have rounded out the main character.

IMHO, the actual plot of the murder has to be complex, but not too complex to understand, once the reader is told. The discovery has to be plausible, with a bit of creativity to make it stand out. The reader is given enough clues to believe that he might be able to predict the end. This story covers all these criteria well, except the last one. The new information which pours in after the denouement is perhaps a bit too much, and not integrated into the story line earlier.

I was surprised at the break in the action, when he is on the train, dreaming about his background. Surprisingly, it seemed to work. I'm not sure a commercial editor is going to like it, but…
I think the same flashback technique for the prologue (Ch. 1) and Ch 27. works well.

3. I have a dialect question. I understand the use of "you-all". However, I have never heard anybody say "Your-all" or some of the other forms you use. Are you sure that's correct? I like the dialect otherwise.

I would question the usefulness of some of your background material. The whole bureaucratic hassle of moving the junior detective from one shift to the other, and the reasons for it, doesn't seem to be important enough to warrant all the ink it gets. It is very difficult to strike the balance between giving enough information about the environment to make it realistic, and giving too much and slowing down the story line.

Editing suggestions:

1. "Here, Here" is actually "Hear, Hear".

2. You can always pull out some adjectives, of course. For example, in one place a receptionist, who we never saw before, and who never appears again, "got out of her padded swivel chair". How necessary is that information?

In general, a very entertaining read, and I wish you good luck in publishing. Thanks for putting the whole story up. It's pretty hard to critique a murder mystery otherwise!

jeremycage wrote 1246 days ago

You urged me to read this, which I have so far completed the first two chapters. It's quite good, really, and only needs one more serious go-through to render it publishable. You tell a story well, and your prose is pretty good: there are only a few clumsy bits. I would urge you to read it out loud to yourself, and you'll be able to tell where it falls down a little. But this is fundamentally trivial.

The only serious problem I have found so far -- and it needs to be dealt with in order to make this publishable, frankly -- is that I spend too much time being one step removed from the story. In the prologue, this is fine, or at least not so bad. But in the second chapter, it becomes enough of a problem that I was rather easily distracted while trying to read it. Take a careful look at the beginning of the second chapter. The part that's going to come out and grab the reader is that there's a mummy somewhere in Memphis. But we don't even get to see the mummy, at least not up close, until after the end of the second chapter. This is anti-climactic and to many people will be a real turnoff.

Notice how you have framed the scene by having your narrator and the lieutenant go through what's going to happen. This needs to disappear entirely: the only useful pieces of information in that whole section are that our narrator likes to garden at home with the phone turned off and that the two other detectives have individual personalities. Both of these pieces of information should be dealt with in dialogue or immediate narration: the scene ought to start with the sheet being pulled off of the mummy's face, and then pull back out to give me the narrator, with a throwaway line in there about how he'd rather be gardening. Make the lieutenant disappear entirely: she's irrelevant to the scene. Don't tell me about the other detectives' personalities: show me through dialogue or stagecraft, or eliminate them entirely. Ask yourself whether any of the other detectives really need to be there to make the scene work -- instead, you could concentrate on the only three characters who really need to be there: the narrator, the foreman and the medical examiner. Karolyn the crime scene person can work as well, but she isn't, strictly speaking, necessary. This will have the effect of focusing my attention on the mummy and the narrator, and it will fix the narrator's character in my mind so that I identify with him more instead of just thinking of him as the voice through which the story is told.

This is rather a long criticism, but please understand that I think the book is fundamentally good so far -- it just needs to be pared down to its essentials, which will make it a more compelling story.

jeremycage

Julie Starr wrote 1247 days ago

backing it by the way - how could I not???

Julie Starr wrote 1247 days ago

Jason,

Liked it a lot. You paint a really strong atmosphere with the voice of this. Very authentic. I'm really taken with the whole Memphis thing. Especially as it ties so closely to mine. I too end up in Beale St. and the whole Eygptian theme is very strong (my dark character in the novel is an Eygptian and the music contest is held in the pyramid arena). Anyway, back to you. Its obviously a classic thriler/crime thing and as such has a distinct target audience. The music theme is also strong (and well crafted) and will appeal to jazz fans especially. The dialogue you use is also authentic for the area. And here's where alarm bells are staring to 'ting' quietly.

It has to do with a niche target audience. In that if you're writing general fiction then for it commercially to have a chance it needs broad appeal, almost 'the broader the better'. But if the book dovetails so beautifully into an audience of 'musos who love a good whodunnit' then your target market may we much smaller. I do think your target audience is mainly blokes, although if my husband read it then I'd probably take a look, i.e. he'd buy it and tell me to read it. Anyway, in the effort of making myself clearer! I wonder if in particular the dialogue is to richly 'southern' and too heavily peppered with musical references. I'm not sure about this by the way.

I'm wondering if you had a 'lighter touch' with both the dialects and the musical jargon that it may be a little more inclusive (and so less exclusive). If you agree - and I know its something you'd want to consider carefully, then its just a bit of reduction here and there, rather than re-writing anything.

And of course, you'd want a more qualified opinion, (if anyone else is reading this - do offer yours!).

OK, that's quite enough for now I think. I'll repeat, it's great, and I love the voice of it. And I'm very excited to see all the Memphis references. Hopefully when we're both published they'll do a small ceremony in our honour, for bringing a bit more trade to Beale St.

- nice thought,

Julie

AnniaL wrote 1248 days ago

Hey Jason,
I think all I can do, really, is echo everyone's praise of your book. I don't think I could add anything that wold make a difference. It's tight. It's interesting and it's on my shelf!
Well done and sorry for the delay!
Take care,
Annia ;-)

Katrina Twitchett wrote 1251 days ago

Hi Jason

I have read the first three chapters. I am struggling to get to grips at the moment (children around causing distraction ++) so I am leaving on my shelf to come back to, as I feel I am not paying full attention and there are too many characters and accented dialogue to give fair crit. Apologies for this delay. I love the blurb and I'm sure the story will deliver.

Speak to you soon,
Kat

KR wrote 1259 days ago

Hi Jason
Sorry it took me so long to get here.

I loved the way you draw us into the story by not explaining anything, trusting the reader to pick it up as things unfold and clues about what's happened appear – very well handled. The switch to JD's first person narration was a bit of a jolt but I soon got into gear and enjoyed what I read – intriguing crime, fascinating setting, great characters, what's not to like?

You write very well, I just noticed a few technical nit picks you may want to consider: A couple of clichés I'm sure you can improve on in chapter one – you have Davey's voice 'ringing in his ears' and Dennis talking in 'hushed tones'. When the rest of your narrative in chapter one was so original those really stood out to me. The last paragraph of chapter one starts with 'he' and it's not immediately clear you mean Davey not Dennis as Dennis was the reference behind the last use of 'his' if you see what I mean. I wasn't sure about the opening sentence of chapter two. The first half is quite banal which, for me, diluted the impact of what Marla actually said. Just a suggestion but you could reorder it to put the dialogue first and force your reader into the chapter – starting with some road directions didn't deliver the pull for me. Chapter two sees a crooked grin on one guy followed by a lopsided smile on someone else – only in fiction do people look like that! In fact, you describe smiles quite a lot, possibly too much (wry smiles, conspiratorial grins). Both Nguyen and Burgess rub their hands together on looking at the mummy. Chapter three I read without making any notes.

I really did enjoy what I read of this and know my dad, a huge jazz fan, would love it too. Great stuff which will shortly be appearing on my shelf. Good luck with it.
K

Ariom Dahl wrote 1259 days ago


Hello Jason,
I have just finished reading Davey Post and this is absolutely bloody marvellous! You have GOT to get this published. It is without doubt one of the best completed books I’ve read on this site. I probably missed any number of minor typos (which we all make) as I raced through the last few chapters. Hmm, yes, you scattered a few clues to make us think about the identity of the corpse, but treated your characters so well. Even as an Aussie who knows nothing about the US music scene, I was drawn into this until I felt totally at home. I loved just so many things about this.
I’ll recommend some others for you: Confessions of an Internet G33k, Telo, and Coydogs are excellent reads.

Well done!!

Ariom Dahl wrote 1265 days ago

Hi Jason,
Oh, I really am looking forward to reading the rest of this - Meant to last night but it got too late. I'll let you know what I think asap. Now you may go and finish writing 'Who Do I have to Kill ... '
Good luck - this deserves to be published.
Regards,

alchemist wrote 1265 days ago

I think you have a chance of publication with this. They seem to be after crime and you provide atmosphere on top of it and music. The first chapter would need really minimal revision to be ready. I am backing it, hoping it gets noticed. I don't read much in the genre and this is quite a masculine book, but it has the potential to do well. Good luck.

Sandrine wrote 1266 days ago

Jason, this is riveting stuff, and I am happy to pop you on my shelf. I'm afraid it will be a flyer as I've lots of reading to do today, but the votes all count. I do have one general comment, which is based on something someone said to me - your courier font is quite hard to read on my screen, and probably worse on others - DrG told me he'd taken so long to read Songs because of my Times New Roman fot being tricky to read - it would be a shame if you were losing readers.

A specific point is that I'm not 100% convinced by your lead into ch 2 and the present day - the opening sentence is somewhat convoluted, and that takes away from the impact of the mummy announcement.

Overall, though, this is great - it feels like you're taking me down to the Crossroads, and that's my kind of book!
Sorry it took so long to get to you.

All the best
Dan

PS - if you get a chance, take a peek at Az Kapitany - set in Hungary by a Hungarian author.

jasonrriley wrote 1266 days ago

Hi Jason,

I hope you find these comments helpful. They are, but one reader's humble opinion. Feel free to ignore them, or print them out and burn them. But I only write them in the hope of improving your novel -- with the ultimate goal of publication.

I really enjoyed your opening chapter. The Davey Post character is compelling. I want to know more about him, and I'd read an entire book about him. There is something significant at stake in his journey, and the reader has a sense of that right up front. The old saw is: Put your protagonist on stage in motion with a goal. Done and done. I'm with you. Clearly, you have talent. I really, really like it.

Yet somewhere in the space between chapter 1 and chapter 2 something happens. Something I wasn't too keen on. There's a real shift.

When it comes to the mummy... things take a decidedly different tone. I like that we are in Memphis -- very appropriate. Yet there is such a drastically different feel between the opening chapter (or chapter 3), and chapter 2 that I'm a bit concerned. The whole tone -- chapter 2 is almost comical when compared to the opening chapter, yet I feel it wasn't meant to be. I think the issues are the dialect and dialogue. Chapter 2 needs some tightening

Dialect
Take care with your use of dialect. (e.g., "If Gregoy'd tell 'im he cain't sing, we might could give 'im an hour on stage early Monday, Tuesday night. Fore the real crowds get in.") It is a bit broad, and might sound to a reader from somewhere without without a working knowledge of Tennessee a little cartoonish. We need to remember that someone from Australia or India may never have heard of Memphis, TN. Rather than spelling out the dialect with a series of apostrophes, or phonetically, I've always found it better to simply state something about their accent. Show your readers how it sounds (sweet, like Tupelo honey?), rather than telling them that it was just so (if you know a Memphis accent, that is). Or use a particular turn of phrase to emphasize an accent rather than spelling it out.

Dialogue tags
Your dialogue is broken up too routinely with long dialogue tags. Rarely do you need anything more than "he said" or "she asked" as a dialogue tag. The reasoning lies in the reader's ability to skip over the words "said" or "asked", allowing these words to disappear from the page. Your reader knows who said it and moves on with the dialogue at conversation speed. (Steven King's "On Writing" has a great passage on this, if you're interested).

As it stands you also tend to use descriptive phrases to characterize dialogue, many of which are too elaborate. You have the advantage of your use of the first person, so I'd advise reserving these for your protagonist's aside comments. For his personal thoughts, rather than observing each and every physical motion another character makes while speaking. For example, telling your reader when characters mustache twitch as they look at the ground. I guess what I'm saying is there should be less stage direction.

I cannot imagine a police detective uttering the words "Hee, hee."

Exposition in dialogue.
There is too much exposition in the dialogue. Sure, this is allowed to a degree, especially when we're dealing with a police investigation, but in this dialogue you're expressing too many things that your characters should know inherently. For example, that it's humid in Mississippi. Your characters all know this. They live with the humidity in Memphis, and have likely jumped across the border 9 miles away where the humidity is identical.

The mummy
Just a random observation... I wondered why there was no archaeologist on sight at the beginning of chapter 2. Just something I noticed -- we've got an authentic mummy, that looks like a mummy, why wouldn't someone call a museum curator.

I hope this is helpful, and not too harsh. I truly think there's a good story here, it just needs a little polish.
Thank you for sharing your work with me.

Cheers,
Jason

JHorger wrote 1266 days ago

Davey the way he was meant to be--in his entirety. Have at it!
Thanks,
Jason

Heikki Hietala wrote 1266 days ago

Ah-um. (You'll get that reference).

I'll take five and freeload a little here. First of all I'll kick myself in the head for staying off this thing for so long, but now that it's shelved, you'll see just how much I like this. I only went in three chaps at this point (would enjoy a PDF hint hint) but found myself saying, why oh why can't I walk down to the store today and buy this as a book.

Now comes my gripe: What is a hydraulic blast on an airport? That one had me guessing. Maybe you'll care to elaborate, but I thought that if you mean the exhausts of the jets, they hardly can be called hydraulic blasts, as such blasts usually enter concrete and kill people (for example if a hydraulic line bursts, people get bad vibes).

See how much mileage I got from a single item? That's because that's all I could find. Other than that it's full blue in green and I love it!

Best, and hey, this needs a couple shameless pluggie thingies.

Heikki

Heikki Hietala wrote 1270 days ago

Sometimes I wonder whether I only have one hemisphere within the cranium (for confirmation, ask my wife) but I just now watchlisted Davey for further enjoyment later this week.

Ashamedly yours,

Heikki

paul house wrote 1270 days ago

Onto my shelf with this one. I have only read a couple of chapters so far but enjoyed it a lot. Have you read "Coming through Slaughter" by Michael Ondaatje? It's the only other book I know about a jazz musician and it is well worth the read (if you drag yourself away from authonomy long enough).

katekasserman wrote 1274 days ago

Hi Jason! This is a richly atmospheric thriller whose most compelling aspect, to me, is the strong characterizations, which shine particularly in the dialogue. Just for example -- Richie, when he gets into storyteller mode! But the both major and minor distinctions between attitude, behavior, and particularly DIALECT between all the characters (you'll never mix up Sue's and Lump's lines when you're reading, heh heh...) are drawn with a sharp eye and make the world feel very solid and very real. And little character touches that aren't reflected in dialogue too -- Marie's tight smile when wife #1 Ade is mentioned, but her supportiveness about JD's recurring dream. You don't say any more about it than that, and you don't have to -- I get it. Of course there's some tension about the beloved wife who died, and of course JD notices it; but it's minor in the scheme of things.

And this careful attention to details that are "minor in the scheme of things" leaves you a lot of ground to sow clues that I can't guess at, and I'm sure you have, heh heh...because this is a very carefully constructed book. There's a lot of tension, but the tension through chapter 11 (as far as I've read for now; I figured that through chapter 6 was what you'd need for agent queries, but...I was curious...and I'll read the rest later when time allows!) comes through MYSTERY more than fast-paced urgency. I mean, we technically don't even know that there's been a murder!!! BUT!!! BUT!!! I will tell you what I think at this point. POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT FOR ANYONE OTHER THAN JASON! Okay. I think those dental records are unmitigated hogwash. They appeared five years ago -- fishy, fishy, fishy. And the three missing fingers? There'd be a big difference in THOSE EXACT FINGERS between a man who played the trumpet and one who didn't. The removed organs? Okay, I have NO CLUE what's going on about that, but I'll tell you one thing -- ancient Egyptians surely did NOT castrate bodies that they mummified. Maybe there was something identifiable about the deceased's organs and genitals somehow (yeeks -- a circumcision issue or something???). But I do not think our d.b. is Davey Post. I just don't. (And I am mighty suspicious about the devoted Sue and those blonde hairs in the sheet...just so ya know...)

JD, middle-aged, thoughtful, physically compromised, pressed but not unreasonably so by personal, career, and political matters, makes an excellent and sympathetic protagonist. He's not likely to go vigilante on anyone. He's going to proceed carefully, patiently, and thoroughly, and it's the right pace for a MYSTERY, as well as a thematically pleasing one for a mystery involving a jazz musician! We'll take our time, and it's the process of discovery as much as the result. An interesting element is Davey's STYLE of music -- technical perfection, criticized only for being not open and loose enough BECAUSE of its perfection. I suspect this is going to be important in the denouement. Because it tells us a lot about Davey -- even though we know so little about him REALLY.

I kept a running list of typos and possible prose issues as I was reading since I know you want this to be a letter-perfect MS for those agents -- so here it is:

Ch. 1 periodic hydraulic - two "ic"s in a row; maybe "regular hydraulic" (regular is a more boring word, but it's not an ic one...!). Since there are already two "now"s in close proximity in this sentence, probably at least one repetition needs to be axed -- with the caveat that the repetitions do have a sort of musicality to them which, while slightly distracting in prose, is certainly spot-on for Davey...

Ch. 1 waiting to hear business halfway across the country - hear how business

Ch. 1 door-to-door salesman. Brushes? - either extra spaces here, or a missing paragraph break (or one that authonomy just didn't acknowledge!)

Ch. 2 backed the poor fellow up against the yellow backhoe behind him. - back/back repetition; I like the hyper Hickey "backing" the poor guy into something, so maybe change the pesky equipment into a loader (a subtype of backhoe, so maybe you could get away with calling it this) or a tractor or a dozer...(since they might have other equipment hanging around)

Ch. 2 w/early thirties - early

Ch. 2 invoike the heavens - invoke

Ch. 5 "And it's J.D., long as you're in the family." - they'd already settled on first names in the beginning of the chapter

Ch. 8 Jagrmeister - Jägermeister

Ch. 10 amongst my peers at school. Make that a lightning rod - either extra space again or another one of those missed paragraph breaks either in your original MS or the authonomy upload

Ch. 10 capable of humor. Railroaded - same space/paragraph break issue

Ch. 11 Sleepy's wrong, by the way -- the el is MUCH faster to get into the city proper from O'Hare, especially in rush hour!

Ch. 11 I marvel once again - I marveled once again (tense change feels odd)

Really wonderful work. I was engrossed, and I'd buy this in a second (thriller fan here!!!). Thanks for steering me to this one -- and best of luck!!!

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