Sunrise, Sunset

Marshall

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the Ferrari like tempo you inject into your narrative....

....one line descriptions that use a single image to set up place...

....the use of body language to frame the emotional map of your characters and

....an action oriented dialogue that instead of slowing, speeds up the plot

....and that is what makes you narrative worth reading

Some of my favorites:

"the Mad-Men touch"

"Foxy.....
That entire paragraph is your personal best so far...methodically descriptive and minimalist in structure

"Mmmm---more.... I want more...."

"raindrops the size of half dollars...."

"yes they like calling her Foxy...."

"The river spilled into the Bay...."
another personal best for the same reason

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"Observed wryly" "she whimpered" My mind slammed shot"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

"big orange candles" "perfect bachelor's pad" "outer office"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Hard boiled dialogue & short punchy prose. Some of the text flow at the start appears a little disjointed and for some reason reminds of Lenny Bruce in full flow.

Look forward to reading it when complete

Rob

GET LENIN

Nice set up. Warren is not where he planned to be at this point in his life, and he's also about to embark on an illicit affair. Taking a step back to see how he got there...

Castleford is a guy enjoying his status, while Warren is still partially trapped in the past, in the war. We also meet the other main players, including Nikos, Peacock and Foxy. They're all rolled up in a multi-million property development plan, meaning different things to each of them - success, money, power - along with the trappings and pitfalls that accompany such things. For Warren, it's an escape from memory.

Hot and fast, this novel is typified by crisp, sharp writing: 'drum-rolling the start of the summer's rainy season', 'squeezes you dry like a spider', 'envisaged himself being nailed to the cross'. Careful details paint vivid portraits of both the appearance and behaviour of the main characters, all unique individuals with flaws, foibles, ambitions and secrets. It has the pace of a thriller, jumping between scenes as the plot starts to slot together like a jigsaw. Sun, money, sex, power ... winning ingredients ... backed.

Possible nits: Consider modifying the first paragraph to be clearer and more focussed, e.g.

Nervous, checking my watch for the tenth time. Six thirty. Drank one martini; mixed another. Nervous, groused at myself. Where is she, the Fox? I shouldn't be doing this. Maybe there's nothing left between us. Maybe there is. What if it turns out fantastic; that would be - worse?

Make some of the phrases slightly less staccato: 'even in [the] highest echelons', 'Closing the drawer silently, [he] ran a bony finger'.

A hard hitting storyline borne along by equally tough writing. The dialogue is particularly noteworthy fitting the characters perfectly. This is sure to rise.
Backed
Robert Dvidson
THE TUZLA RUN

I like this - esp. when it gets up close inside his head

interesting political thriller

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Marshall,


The fragmented, stream of conciousness style reminds me a little of James Ellroy; it's not easy to get into, but once I found the rythmn it rolled.

Backed

When a consultany firm was contracted to look into a site for a possible housing development in Florida they could never had guessed the desires and ambitions of the investors. Backed by a U S senator in a shadowing role, the firm was advised on a land grab of half a million acres. Prostrations aside, that would be land, the size of the Everglades, but thats precisely what they want, the Florida Everglades. To drain it, to cultivate it, to build on it, no matter about the animal or enviromental concerns.
With the overbearing Senator Castlefood, the meticulous and curt Mr Peacock, the consutant Marshall Warren, Niko Kontos the investor, they are all great characters, and though the deal is only at the consulting stage, given the lifestyles of the protagonists, the wealth, the cheating and the lies, 'Sunrise Sunset' is developing into a cracking story
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

A storyline touching on interesting topics is a delight to read. A suggestion is to convert the first pararagraph into italics to convey the innermost thoughts of the main character in a more dramatic manner. Backed. Chuck

A premise with promise, lots of spunk and intrigue - and no shortage of saucy, steamy action.

Marshall. I enjoyed the first chapter and skimmed the third and forth. Just one, comment; be careful not to over complicate the storyline with mini themes. Keep pushing the main theme. Any way, still feel worth BACKING !
Appreciate any comments on my childrens' book ; Paperbats.
Thanks in advance. Jerry [paperbat]

Hi Marshall,
I like the Tarantino style approach. Hard dialogue, witty, cynical, excellent writing.
Intelligence and beauty combined -- foxy.
Backed with delight,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Sunrise, Sunset

Marshall Warren

Backed about a week ago on the basis of your storyline as gleaned from your pitches. Have been on my WL since, waiting to be read. Sorry it took so long - hectic summer. I think you have some engaging themes worth exploring and I find this good literary fiction. Best of luck with it.

Hi Marshall, This has the right energy for the characters and their ambitions. Marsh is interesting though, tempted at the outset but aware of the downfalls, and his war memories. It’s almost as he’s trying to escape them with the powerful Senator. I really liked the way this is delivered, showing the scenes affecting the campaign, while the dialogue is entertaining. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

KATHRYN, thank you so much for kind, and helpful, comments. SwanBonnet sounds electric

Hi Marshall, This has the right energy for the characters and their ambitions. Marsh is interesting though, tempted at the outset but aware of the downfalls, and his war memories. It’s almost as he’s trying to escape them with the powerful Senator. I really liked the way this is delivered, showing the scenes affecting the campaign, while the dialogue is entertaining. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

"Prelude, The Apartment," sets the tone for the balance of your book perfectly as well as introducing the reader to your MC whom we quickly get to know a little bit. I like your choice to use the first person narrative voice. It resonates with authenticity and allows you to convey, and you do it well, Marsh's feelings, thoughts, doubts and emmotions. I also like your premise, its very current in most respects, and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Dear Marshall,
Yes I love the book cover, and I still say your long pitch grabs. I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Marshall. I dipped into this ealier and loved it. I love the way you write and I loved the story.

BACKED

Hope you get the chance to peek insside The Russian Hat. I could do with a lift.

warm wishes
Brendan

Dear Marshall, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Good brisk distinctive style helps this stand out from the average political thriller. A touch of James Ellroy's later work

I had this on my shelf when it mysteriously disappeared. It's the most unusual and effective narrative I've come across on authonomy. Makes me think we all use too many unnecessary words. Spontaneous, believable and witty. Backed once more. lynn

A fun read, hugely entertaining with wry humour! :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown
ps the title next to your book cover says sunselt?

Jim, thanks for your read, and your Spelling tip (wouldn't you know, I'm also professional proof reader! Aargh!)

A fun read, hugely entertaining with wry humour! :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown
ps the title next to your book cover says sunselt?

I backed this the first time you posted this. I remembered because this title reminds of The Fiddler on the Roof song and I am a Jew. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Marshall, I love your timely story - with elections in the brew, it's sure fitting. :) Your pitch & titles are excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my 2 memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

I think you had this posted before. I liked it then. LIke it now. Shelved. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Super writing. backed.